


reflection in a broken glass

by aizensosuke



Series: a fading silhouette [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Committed Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Enthusiastic Consent, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Multi, Open Marriage, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Safe Sane and Consensual, Safewords, Trans Aizen Sosuke, Trans Character, Trans Kuchiki Byakuya, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-09-05 09:15:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 204,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16807732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aizensosuke/pseuds/aizensosuke
Summary: ulquiorra cifer and grimmjow jaegerjaques are picking up the pieces after their first foray into bdsm club las noches led them into the arms of aizen sosuke and, inevitably, necessary heartbreak that ended the relationship they had with him. what they did take from the relationship was a growing fondness for famous rock drummer bazz-b who swings between wanting to be the third person in their love life and supporting them through everything as their number one fan.but living next to ulquiorra's ex-girlfriend inoue orihime complicates things further than either of them could have expected, especially when she ends up directly linked with aizen and his partners. ulquiorra thought that walking away from aizen, his huband, and their boyfriend once and for all would end things between them, but life is rarely so simple and what he thought was once shattered may slowly attempt to piece itself back together.





	1. a curious invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
>  **sexual content:** oral sex and bdsm discussion

When a soft knock echoes through the empty living room and finally draws him out of his art-induced haze, Ulquiorra Cifer is shocked to discover three hours have passed since he sat down to paint and he has splatters of color on his fingers and wrist. This is not a surprise; watercolor seems to be his favorite medium as of late, partially due to generous birthday and Christmas gifts as well as the fact he can seemingly do anything with the colors. He wipes his water brush clean and pushes himself up from the kitchen table, weighing the pros and cons of saving up to buy an easel as he moves across the apartment to answer the front door.

Standing on his front porch is his ex-girlfriend and the first love of his life, Inoue Orihime, with a massive plate of what appear to be chocolate chip cookies balanced in her hands. “Hi, Ulqui! I made cookies and I thought I’d bring some over for you and Grimmjow to share.”

“Oh, thank you.” Ulquiorra takes a step back, opening the front door wider and curling his body behind it. “Please, come in. You can set the cookies on the kitchen counter.”

“Okay!” Orihime sweeps into the room, all sunshine and sweet-smelling perfume, the soft white skirt of her sundress billowing softly around her legs with every step.

In the dead of winter, the tenant who used to live in the apartment beside Ulquiorra’s moved out, and spring brought him Orihime and her boyfriend, Kurosaki Ichigo. It should have been awkward especially considering the loss of Orihime’s love sent Ulquiorra on a downward spiral that would affect his relationship with Grimmjow and the relationship they _used_ to have, the one both of them tiptoe around talking about often. Twice monthly therapy sessions and medication has helped Ulquiorra stabilize, giving him the tools and energy necessary to fix his life before he managed to shatter it beyond any possible repair.

It may be the only reason he can listen to her call him _Ulqui_ and not ask her to stop.

“You’ve been painting today!” Orihime sets the platter down on the counter and drifts over to the table, leaning down to look at the canvas he has laid out. “This is beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Ulquiorra nudges the cling wrap away from the edge of the plate, stealing a cookie and taking a careful bite of it. Nothing but chocolate this time, thank God. “I hadn’t realized so much time passed from when I first started. You woke me up out of a trance.”

“Did I? Well, that’s good. Have to remember to take regular breaks, after all.” Orihime smiles warmly at him and Ulquiorra nods in agreement. “How are the cookies?”

“They’re delicious. Do you want something to drink while you’re here?” With Ichigo at work during the days, Orihime tends to get lonely and more often than not, they spend at least a little time together each day. Sometimes less than an hour, but it’s notable.

Of course, she beams at him. “Sure, thank you! Any of the juice you have will be fine.”

Grimmjow would throw a fit about his juices disappearing from the refrigerator if Ulquiorra wasn’t giving them to Orihime; he likes her, and Ichigo, and Ulquiorra has to agree heartily with this feeling. Their former neighbor was fine, nothing notable or worth remembering, but having two people their age next door, who are comfortable with them as a couple and fun to spend time with, has been an exciting change. As spring bleeds into summer, there have been no problems, and none of the issues Ulquiorra expects to crop up have reared their ugly heads.

It might be foolish to think so, but it makes him feel warm inside to see Orihime again, to see her smile and hear her laughter. The last time he saw her on his way out of the apartment with only the belongings he could carry in one bag, she looked like she was wasting away with the struggle of telling him to his face that she and their other two partners no longer wanted Ulquiorra to be a part of their relationship. But from the first moment she stepped out into the yard to greet them properly, she has looked radiant. It does his heart good to see her like this.

“Thank you.” Orihime takes a sip of juice and sits down at the table, and Ulquiorra moves his palette over to give her more room. “So, how’s work gone? You were so busy yesterday.”

“I finished just before I turned in for the night. Grimmjow was stressed about me staying up too late, but I made it to bed at a good hour.” The reward had been worth it, too; Grimmjow gave him the incentive of being done by nine and getting oral sex for the effort.

Grimmjow kept him on the edge of an orgasm for nearly an hour, teasing him with his lips and tongue and throat, humming around Ulquiorra’s cock until his thighs were shaking and his heels were kicking at Grimmjow’s back in reaction to the stimulus. He’d come biting down on his own hand to muffle himself, shaking all over while Grimmjow held him half-folded. The only problem with having neighbors they like and actually care about is that being loud during sex might ensure they are overheard, and Ulquiorra can only take so many awkward moments in life.

Orihime smiles softly at him and pats him on the arm as he sits down. “That’s good to hear. You shouldn’t work yourself too hard, you know. It’s not good for your health.”

“I’m doing better at keeping a regular schedule.” It isn’t quite a nine to five, but it does the trick and means he gets plenty of sleep and never forgets to eat. “How is Ichigo’s job?”

“It’s… Interesting. It’s keeping him busy, at least.” Orihime has been oddly secretive about whatever it is Ichigo does, not that Ulquiorra minds. She can do as she pleases.

“Better to stay busy than to end up bored with nothing to do.” Or art block. “Grimmjow’s job is currently doing its best to dig him an early grave. I suppose Starrk is driving him crazy.”

Soft grey eyes widen slightly before Orihime laughs, pressing her palm to her mouth. “That’s so funny to think about. That Coyote Starrk is too much for him to handle.”

“I know, right? Grimmjow can handle everyone and everything else but one actor just fucks him up entirely and now he can’t do his job right.” Ulquiorra breaks off pieces of the cookie, tucking them into his mouth, moaning softly when the chocolate melts just right on his tongue.

He might imagine the way Orihime’s eyes widen just a touch or the slight satisfaction in her warm smile. “Well, he’ll figure it out soon enough, I’m sure. Grimmjow seems very capable.

“I think it’s slowly eroding his soul to have to stay quiet and polite the entire time when I know he just wants to shake Starrk until his neck snaps.” Ulquiorra picks up his water brush and debates, dipping it into the well of red paint before he returns to his work.

“I can’t say I blame him. I wouldn’t be very happy about it, either.” Orihime leans over to watch him paint, his brush moving in smooth swathes as he feels out the shape of the sunset he’s working on. “You are such a talented artist. Have you thought about selling anything?”

“Not really. Some of them are meant to be gifts, the others I’m just… Hanging up.” As evidenced by their living room, which is currently full of his artwork.

There is another painting in the bedroom, one that only the two of them have ever seen because they keep it to themselves. After the watercolors showed up on his doorstep, Ulquiorra set out to recreate a piece of Grimmjow he once created using alcohol markers, one of his naked body stretched out on their couch, a delicate interplay of light and shadow breathing life across his toned body. The work is, as far as Ulquiorra is concerned, his best piece.

“You should consider it, I think. Your work is so beautiful. People would kill to have it.” Orihime sounds so certain of herself when she says that, and Ulquiorra is surprised at this.

He dips the brush into the well again, needing more pigment. “Maybe I’ll consider making an Instagram for my paintings, then. That’s an easy way to get the word out.”

“I’ll share it with everyone I know.” Orihime curls a hand beneath her chin, watching him work for a few minutes in silence before she clears her throat. “Actually, I didn’t just come over here to drop cookies off. I wanted to ask you something. Or give you something, kind of.”

“Kind of?” Ulquiorra sets his brush down, giving her his undivided attention.

Orihime sighs, twines her fingers together and peeks at him from beneath the soft fall of her bangs, long enough to hide her eyes when she needs them to. “It’s about Ichigo’s job. Like, where he works? They’re doing something soon, and he said we should invite you two.”

“If we don’t have plans, we can probably come.” He can’t deny that his curiosity is piqued by the way she dances around just outright asking him. “When does this take place?”

“Over the weekend. It’s. Here.” Orihime pulls out her cell phone and Ulquiorra watches her cheeks darken from her soft natural skin tone to a deep pink, bordering on red, before she holds her phone out to him. “This is the place. Have you ever been before?”

Ulquiorra stares at the screen for a good minute straight, his mouth falling open a little as his eyebrows furrow. Though he’s never been to this establishment before, there’s no denying the fact that the location is. It’s. “Orihime, is this a sex club? Because it looks like one.”

The building itself is nondescript, _Shunko_ written across dark brick in silver steel lettering, but there is no mistaking the scene beneath; a woman stands just outside of the door, leaning against the frame, a man on a collar and leash kneeling at her feet.

 _Ichigo works at a sex club?_ Ulquiorra is reeling. He never would have expected this.

And it seems like the history he and Grimmjow have with such establishments has not ended after all; they never returned to Las Noches, and yet now…

“It is. Shunko is owned by her.” Orihime points one perfectly manicured, baby pink fingernail to the woman in the photo. “Shihouin Yoruichi-san. Ichigo tends the bar, but they’re doing an event this weekend and he wants to go. He thought you two might like to come with us.”

“Why is that?” Ulquiorra asks, trying to feign as much ignorance as possible.

The expression Orihime gives him makes him snort in laughter, so unimpressed as she raises her hand once more, flexing her wrist. “I’ve seen the rope marks, Ulquiorra. Shibari is pretty but if you don’t use silk underneath the fibers, they can leave marks. Grimmjow doesn’t always remember to wear long sleeves when they’re visible.”

Dully, Ulquiorra wonders how long Orihime has known what he gets up to in his private life. Though he’s had sex with her before— they had been each other’s first time— there was never anything even mildly kinky involved in their sex life. Not even when Uryu and Chad were still around was anything going on other than the standard usual. It was with Grimmjow that Ulquiorra discovered he could like such a thing, could even come to grow creative with the various ways in which they apply it to their sex life to keep things exciting.

The ropes are his favorite, pale blue and white cotton, and Grimmjow loves being bound and at his mercy, so it works out well for both of them.

“I didn’t realize you knew,” he says for lack of anything else to say.

“If it makes you feel any better, anyone else probably wouldn’t have been able to put the pieces together, but.” Orihime shrugs, and her smile returns just as bright as before. “But I’ve got some experience, so it really stuck out to me! I’m surprised you don’t use anything to cover his skin so there aren’t any marks. He just goes to work with them showing like that?”

Ulquiorra nods, thinking that this conversation… Is just too surreal. “Yes, he does. He says he doesn’t mind and I never press the subject. I assume some people there must know.”

“So he’s showing off. What a brat.” The tone of Orihime’s voice is just too fond in a moment when Ulquiorra was hardly ready for this to begin with.

“Are you and Ichigo..?” He doesn’t know what else to say.

“Of course. Why else do you think _I’m_ agreeing to go with him? Not being into it and going to Shunko anyway would probably be very unpleasant.” Orihime taps her fingers on top of her bottle of juice and sighs, her free hand stretching up to rub the back of her neck. “I know this must seem sudden and a bit awkward, but I didn’t know how else to broach the subject.”

“No, I understand. It’s not like there’s a casual way to work around to talking about BDSM.” Not that he would have believed her if she’d done anything but just come out and say it, not like this. “Our weekend is empty, I believe. So we can join you if you wish.”

Orihime brightens instantly and leans across the table to take Ulquiorra’s hands in her own, not seeming to care about the paint. “Thank you so much! I know things have been strange lately, just. I never thought I was going to see you again, you know.”

 _Oh._ “Likewise. I thought walking away was the last time I was going to see you, too.”

“Maybe it’s selfish to want to be friends still, but. I missed you.” Orihime’s voice dips in volume just enough for Ulquiorra’s head to duck with it. “I’m glad to see you’re happy now. I know I was probably one of the reasons you used to be so miserable, but—”

“No. It was never you. You always made me happy. It was losing you that made me so sad.” Ulquiorra turns his hands over, laces their fingers together and squeezes.

For as many times as he has talked through this subject in therapy, it feels almost overwhelming to say any of it out loud to the woman sitting across from him. When he said he thought he would never see her again, he meant it; she lived on the other side of the city and he always took some solace into the fact he knew her favorite shops and could avoid them as necessary so he never accidentally ran into her. Having her live next door was never part of the plan.

But he’s happy that she does. Happy to see her in a relationship that makes her smile, happy to know that she missed him even a little considering how much he missed her.

“Well, you’re not liable to do that again any time soon! These apartments are so nice, I could stay here forever.” Orihime giggles, her eyes distant as she no doubt imagines the future.

“I could say the same.” They still have one bedroom left, converted into an office for their business needs, but it could easily become a room for children should they ever decide to adopt one. “I’m glad you like it here. It’s nice to have a familiar face around.”

“Mhm! And Ichigo and Grimmjow get along so well together, too.” That is, when the two of them weren’t competing over who was better at fixing up the house and tending the yards.

Ulquiorra should not pursue this topic; he can’t see how what he’s about to ask is going to get him anywhere productive, but the question spills out of his mouth just the same. “So, BDSM though. I didn’t realize the two of you participated. How did… How did that happen?”

“O-oh. Well.” Orihime breaks off to laugh, and her color is high which means this is definitely an awkward conversation to be having. “Ichigo was into it before the two of us started dating, and I think he was afraid to ask? If I was interested, too. And then I was kind of a little forceful with him one night and he just kind of… And here we are!”

“You’re a Domme.” Ulquiorra’s brain threatens to fizzle out under the information that sweet sunshine Orihime is the one calling the shots in the bedroom.

When they were together, she was direct but never anything like Halibel or Rangiku, the two women Ulquiorra knew halfway decently at Las Noches. _Things change. You weren’t there to see them change this time, but that doesn’t mean they don’t._

Orihime giggles and nods, her eyes shining. “Didn’t expect that one, did you? But you are, too, at least it seems like it. Grimmjow’s always the one wearing marks the next morning.”

“Very early on, I tried to discourage him from wearing them to work but he wouldn’t hear of it. I suppose he likes the attention.” Ulquiorra realizes Orihime is still holding his hands and he debates how to get them back without making it seem too weird. “I, ah, actually no. I’m a switch. I Dom for Grimmjow because he only likes to submit, but… When we were first experimenting with BDSM, I was submitting to someone else alongside him.”

 _Two_ someones, but Orihime doesn’t know about Sosuke and Byakuya. Ulquiorra would prefer she never did, not wanting to complicate delicate matters more than they already are.

“Hmm, that’s unfortunate.” Orihime looks thoughtful for a moment and then, of her own volition, lets go of his hands and picks her phone back up. “I can ask Yoruichi-san if she knows of any Dominants who might be interested in helping with that, if you want.”

Quickly, Ulquiorra shakes his head. “No, that’s fine. I’ve been enjoying the role a lot, lately.”

Which is not to say that he never wants to sub again, but he wants it to be with someone he can trust, not just a random stranger following a set of rules. House Dominants and submissives work hard and Ulquiorra has nothing but respect for them, but his needs are different and he doubts any of them would be able to fulfill them. Especially considering how gun shy he is after his last relationship dissolved and left him and Grimmjow on their own again.

He hasn’t thought about those two in a few weeks. He wishes he wasn’t now, at all.

“Well, let me know if you change your mind.” Orihime pockets her phone, and her brightness threatens to overwhelm him. “I just want to make sure you have a good time. Shunko is a really nice and fun club, at least that’s what Ichigo says. Your first experience should be good.”

And the hits just keep coming, it seems. “I’m sure it will be. Thank you for inviting us along.”

“No problem! It feels like a better idea to go with friends than to go alone.” Orihime finishes her juice and Ulquiorra stands, fully intending to walk her to the door as he always does.

Today, the door swings inward and Grimmjow steps inside, whistling to himself along with whatever must have been playing on the radio. The sight of him distracts Ulquiorra in more ways than one; Grimmjow wears rope marks around his wrists today, faded and subtle because Ulquiorra is good at aftercare and soothing them as much as he can when all is said and done. There is also a dark hickey on the side of his neck, a badge of ownership if anything else is.

One day, it might be a collar. Or a slender choker to disguise its true use in public.

“Baby!” Grimmjow drops his gym bag and closes the distance between them in several long strides, picking Ulquiorra up around the waist and swinging him around, holding him up in his arms like he weighs nothing. “I missed you today. How’s your day been going?”

For as much as Starrk seems to drive him crazy, Grimmjow is always in a better mood the day after they do a scene together. All bright, glittering eyes and a massive smile.

“I’m fine.” Ulquiorra hooks his legs around Grimmjow’s waist to hold himself aloft, arms coming to rest on top of his broad shoulders. “How are things with our favorite actor?”

“Fuck him.” Grimmjow doesn’t lose his smile, nuzzling the side of Ulquiorra’s throat, fingers biting into the undersides of his thighs. “Or fuck _you,_ because I have every intention of—”

“Hi, Grimm!” Orihime quickly talks over him, shutting him up before it’s too late.

To his credit, Grimmjow has gotten better about having surprise guests in the apartment; he doesn’t even jolt anymore, just lifts his mouth from Ulquiorra’s throat. “Oh, hey Orihime. I didn’t know you were here. Oh, you look really pretty today.”

“Thank you! I was just going, actually. It looks like I’m interrupting now.” She presses her fingers to her mouth to muffle a giggle and Ulquiorra tries very hard not to die.

“Thank you for the invitation once more, Orihime,” Ulquiorra calls out to her as she walks past him to the doorway. “And for the cookies. Feel free to come back any time.”

“Of course! Have a good day.” And she closes the door softly behind her.

“Invitation? Cookies.” Grimmjow sets Ulquiorra on the counter beside the platter, taking three cookies and pouting when Ulquiorra arches a brow at him. “This is my cheat day. What invitation is she talking about, by the way? I don’t remember her inviting us anywhere.”

“She just asked today. She brought the cookies over and then we sat and talked about it.” Ulquiorra stretches out a hand, brushing a few stray crumbs from Grimmjow’s lips. “As it turns out, Ichigo works as a bartender in a BDSM club, and they are doing an event this weekend. Orihime came over to ask me if we wanted to go with them.”

Grimmjow chokes on his food halfway through Ulquiorra’s monologue, leaning over the sink as he heaves for oxygen. “You’re fucking kidding me. _She_ is into BDSM?”

“ _She_ is the Dominant in the relationship,” Ulquiorra tells him, and Grimmjow openly gapes at him. “Yes, I am well aware. I was just as shocked to discover this. She was never interested in that when we were together, so I didn’t expect that out of her.”

“I guess you learn something new every day. Here.” Grimmjow sets the cookies down and holds out his arms, a cue for Ulquiorra to slip off of the counter and walk into them. “So, are we going to go? I mean, I kind of miss having a place to go that wasn’t just our bedroom and if we’re getting a free invite, then hell yeah. I mean, unless seeing her there would make you upset.”

Though Grimmjow rarely broaches the topic of Ulquiorra and Orihime’s old relationship, he dances around the subject as carefully as he can when it comes to them doing anything together. This is different, though; seeing Orihime in a sexual situation is going to be strange no matter how Ulquiorra tries to slice it, but he supposes there could be worse things. At least she’s happy, and at least she wants to be his friend again after the horrible way he acted just walking out of the apartment and not giving any of them a chance to be heard.

They should talk about that one day. Not today, but one day. Maybe soon.

“We’re going,” he says, and Grimmjow makes a noise of approval against the top of his head. “I want to go. I miss having a place to go, too, and I want to see… I’m curious about the two of them together. I never would have guessed, but now I want to know.”

“That’s fair. I didn’t realize Ichigo was a sub and you think I’d have some kind of radar about it.” Grimmjow chuckles against his hair and Ulquiorra smiles and nods. “But until then. I missed you, and I had some serious intentions when I walked through that front door.”

“I noticed.” Grimmjow is _insatiable_ on a good day these days.

With a familiar wicked and mischievous smile, Grimmjow’s hands slip under his thighs once more, lifting him with ease. “Then let me take you up to the bedroom and show you.”

“I don’t appear to have a choice with the way you maul me at a moment’s notice.” But Ulquiorra kisses him, savoring the taste of his lips and the way he yields so easily to Ulquiorra’s mouth, his fingers digging into Ulquiorra’s thighs hard enough that there will be bruises. There always are, not that Ulquiorra minds. “Be good and carry me to the bed, then.”

The dark flare in Grimmjow’s eyes makes him smile and then they’re heading up the stairs, Grimmjow taking them two at a time despite Ulquiorra’s added weight in his arms. The bed was made this morning, a habit they’ve been getting into no matter how many times they tend to muss it throughout the day. The bedspread is warm under Ulquiorra’s back, the dark color soaking up the warmth of the sunlight that spills through their windows in the afternoon.

“You look so good like this.” Grimmjow slides a hand under his shirt— it’s Grimmjow’s shirt, an old t-shirt that tends to slide off of one of Ulquiorra’s shoulders at a moment’s notice.

“Dressed in your clothes?” Ulquiorra asks him, and Grimmjow snickers and nods, palming his stomach, callused fingers dragging over his bare skin. “O-oh, that feels nice.”

Though Ulquiorra has few specific kinks when it comes to the bedroom, unlike Grimmjow who has a good handful, body worship is definitely on the list. Grimmjow knows it, too; he drags the bottom of the shirt up so he can lean down, his mouth soft and wet against Ulquiorra’s stomach, teeth dragging over his skin just hard enough to add an interesting texture to the whole thing. His tongue licks a broad swathe down Ulquiorra’s stomach, swiping across the trail of dark hair that disappears beneath the shorts he’s wearing this morning.

“You taste better than the chocolate,” Grimmjow tells him, pressing a kiss to the front of the shorts where Ulquiorra’s cock is already half-hard, pressing against the seam.

The compliment has him huffing, fingers threading through Grimmjow’s hair as he urges his mouth closer. “Show me what you mean, then, sub. Actions speak so much louder than words.”

“Gladly, Sir.” Grimmjow’s hands, huge and warm, slide under his body, fingers curling in the waistband and pulling the shorts down. There’s nothing underneath, not when Ulquiorra wasn’t planning on going out today anyway. “You’re so fucking gorgeous it’s killing me.”

“I think you can survive.” Ulquiorra smiles pleasantly down at him, though it’s hard to feign indifference when Grimmjow’s breathing hot and damp against his cock.

Grimmjow moans audibly and leans down, dragging the flat of his tongue along the underside of Ulquiorra’s cock, going back once more to trace the vein there with just the tip of it. “Not in one piece, I’m not. Please let me suck you off, Sir, pretty please.”

He always sounds so pretty when he begs, Ulquiorra reflects, spreading his thighs wider to account for the width of Grimmjow’s broad shoulders. “Of course. I have no reason to stop you.”

The excited little noise Grimmjow makes for him warms him all the way through and then he stops being able to think for a minute, Grimmjow kissing and licking up his shaft until he’s fully hard. Then the head disappears between Grimmjow’s soft lips, which part perfectly around him. It’s lewd to think so but having kink in the bedroom has made Grimmjow all the more obedient and desperate to please, and he knows how to make his mouth fit Ulquiorra perfectly.

“Very good,” Ulquiorra murmurs to him, stroking a hand down the side of his face while Grimmjow bobs his head, every fluid motion taking Ulquiorra deeper down his throat until he can feel heat pooling slow and thick in the pit of his stomach. “Just like that, kitten.”

The pet name has Grimmjow groaning softly around him, eyes dark as they meet Ulquiorra’s up the length of his body. It also sends a subtle vibration along Ulquiorra’s shaft, one that makes him cry out softly as his feet kick weakly at the bedspread beneath him. It always feels good when it’s like this, Grimmjow using the most subtle tricks to manipulate his pleasure until Ulquiorra feels like he could go insane from the sensation of it all.

“More, sub,” he whispers, and Grimmjow sinks deeper on his cock, throat opening around him, taking him in all the way and drawing a choked moan from his throat. “Just like that. Good.”

With the room so quiet and the street outside empty, the only sound that meets Ulquiorra’s ears are the wet slurping noises Grimmjow makes around his cock as he grows more and more excited, hands massaging Ulquiorra’s inner thighs in such a dedicated way that it makes it impossible for the muscles in his legs to tense up. His orgasm washes over him, drawing the last of his energy out of his body, and Grimmjow swallows obediently as always.

He climbs up the length of Ulquiorra’s body to kiss him, and Ulquiorra can taste himself on Grimmjow’s lips and tongue, the slightly bitter taste doing nothing to hamper how enthusiastically he kisses his sub. A startled gasp leaves his mouth when Grimmjow flattens down on top of him, pressing the heavy weight of his cock against Ulquiorra’s stomach.

It’s going to be fun to go to a club together, he thinks. He’ll have to get Grimmjow a leash and collar just for the event so everyone can gawk over just how well-trained he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look who's back back back again~ bonus points to anyone who can guess where the title of this story, as well as its predecessor, came from.
> 
> also i'm interested to see some speculation in the comments for this first chapter. what do you think is going to happen in this story? are our ot5 going to find their way back into each other's arms? what's going to happen with orihime and ichigo living next door?
> 
> happy birthday ulquiorra cifer! you are the best bat in the entire world and we all love you so much.


	2. risks in the work place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** discussion of homophobia/heterosexism
> 
>  **sexual content:** long distance bdsm, masturbation, nipple clamps

There is something supremely joyless about working with Coyote Starrk.

Everyone Grimmjow knows has congratulated him on the opportunity to work with such an important celebrity, a man whose very identity is plastered across the fronts of countless magazines and billboards all throughout every major city. Certainly, Starrk is famous. His acting leaves a lot to be desired as far as Grimmjow is concerned, having made his complaints clear to everyone who will give him the five minutes he needs to rant his way through his problems with Starrk’s performances. Working with the man does not endear him to Grimmjow at all.

“Sorry.” Starrk has his back to him, his phone in front of his face. “Lily’s texting me.”

“It’s fine.” Grimmjow drags a hand down his face, legs stretched out in front of him as he waits for his client to finish with his conversation with his daughter.  _ Imagine, _ he thinks to himself,  _ that could have been you if you’d stayed with those three. _

The thought comes unbidden and he sighs at the bitterness that still tends to drip from those thoughts, shaking his head to clear his mind and focus on his client. Starrk puts in the work when it matters but getting him off of his phone and in the right headspace to push through his limits takes more time than Grimmjow has the patience for. Even with  _ Samurai Sessions vol. 3 _ blaring through the one earbud he has in, it isn’t really enough to distract him from the annoyance at Starrk’s behavior and the fact he’s always made to wait like this.

He  _ gets _ it, he does, having kids is a big responsibility. But he doesn’t exactly like having to sit here and wait to be graced with Starrk’s attention instead of just being given it.

When Starrk finally slides his cell phone into the side pocket of his duffel bag, his expression is apologetic. “I apologize. Lilynette has a new nanny and is being quite the handful today.”

“It’s all right.” Grimmjow definitely did not ask this man for any personal information, having no desire to make it seem like he wants to get to know him or to be friends with him.

Call him awful and bitter, perhaps, but Grimmjow is just a little on the edge lately with every single announcement about  _ Del Toro _ and every single complaint Starrk has about filming. He really does not need to listen to another man wax poetic about how strange it is to kiss someone of the same gender when Grimmjow gladly goes home to his  _ fiance _ every single night and sometimes comes into work with the evidence of Ulquiorra’s affection on his skin.

Today is no different. A hickey is prominent on the side of his neck and he notices when Starrk’s eyes settle on it before skittering sharply away like he doesn’t want to think about it.

Grimmjow does not want to particularly throw the word  _ homophobe _ around without a little more concrete proof, but he’s so close in this case. “Did you want to get started?”

“I wanted to ask your advice about something first.” Starrk meets his eyes and there’s a determined set to his jaw that makes Grimmjow more than a little uneasy.

He could point out that he isn’t being paid to play therapist or life coach, but being smart will get the gym a bad reputation, and Zommari will be pissed at him if it turns up in the press that he was anything less than perfectly polite to Starrk. “If I can advise you, I’ll do my best to help.”

“So.” Starrk sits down on the bench and Grimmjow half-turns to face him, pausing “Rain Dance” and doing his best to give this man what seems like undivided attention. Maybe he should start a drinking game about how much he hates this job. “This kiss that’s coming up.”

Oh. The kiss. Grimmjow tries not to let his mouth twist up and show just what he thinks about this  _ kiss _ because he doubts Starrk wants to listen to him wax poetic about how much he hates men like Starrk, men who cash in on the ideal that two men being together is inherently sexual and something to market like cheap porn. It completely undermines the struggles Grimmjow has gone through in his life as being openly bisexual and in a relationship with a man, but he doubts Starrk would understand that given how he can do  _ anything _ and end up praised for it.

Some of the articles have called him  _ brave _ and  _ open-minded _ after the interview dropped. Grimmjow saw it; everyone saw it. The news that  _ Del Toro _ was putting a different spin on the love triangle shown in  _ Los Lobos _ only served to drive him up the fucking wall; Yylfordt Granz’s character makes his grand return to announce that he’s fallen for Starrk’s character during their war to win their mutual love interest’s attention and now he’s trying to sabotage them to have Starrk all to himself. Or something along those lines.

Personally, Grimmjow thinks it must be a trap to set Starrk’s character up for heartbreak, but he has no desire to talk about that right now. But this fucking  _ kiss. _

“They want it in the trailer we’re releasing at the end of the month, so we’re going to start filming attempts soon.” Starrk rubs the back of his neck and sighs, and his gaze turns distant. “It’s strange. I’ve worked with Yylfordt before. It seems like it should be easier than this.”

“You don’t want to kiss him.” Grimmjow cannot pretend to be surprised. Men willing to cash in on the idea of fanservice for a quick buck usually have all kinds of hang-ups. Or are homophobes.

Starrk is probably the latter trying to pass himself off as the former, but what does Grimmjow know?

Starrk sighs softly, rolls his shoulders in what is probably supposed to be a shrug, but he can’t even seem to commit to that much. “It isn’t that so much. It just… Thinking about it, it feels like such a strange thing to do. But I’ve never kissed a man before, so it’s just—”

“It’s not any different than kissing a woman. I’ve kissed people of all sorts of different genders and you can’t inherently tell the difference.” He should probably tone it down just a little but the annoyance reads loud and clear, he’s sure. He can only cover so much of himself.

“I didn’t think it would.” Starrk sighs again and Grimmjow thanks  _ yes you did. Yes you  _ do. “Maybe it’s because it’s him. We worked together for so long on  _ Los Lobos _ , you know. It took a long time to film that, and we had to redo so many shots. We… We had a lot of fun together.”

Does he think a kiss is going to ruin that friendship or something? Maybe Starrk can handle kissing female actresses without it becoming a Thing but men are somehow too hard to do the same for? Grimmjow wonders if it’s too late to quit this job. “It should be easier to kiss him, then. Because you already know him and you’re close with each other somewhat.”

“I keep telling myself that but the thought doesn’t quite want to take.” Starrk looks down at him and Grimmjow really wishes the guy would go back to staring off into the middle distance. “What was it like when you kissed a man for the first time? Was it strange?”

Is he serious? “I mean… To be fair, this isn’t going to be the same experience for you unless you do the first one in private. And even then, it’s just an act. I kissed a guy because I was having some weird questioning issues and I had to know what the reality of it was.”

“That’s true. Still,” Starrk presses, and Grimmjow has to fight hard to resist rolling his eyes. “What was it like? I’m sure there must have been something notable about it.”

“Well, yeah. I was kissing a man for the first time. How could that  _ not _ be notable?” The guy himself was just some random guy, but Grimmjow can still half-remember his face. The stupid rose-colored hair, the golden eyes, the fact his glasses were askew and fogged up after all was said and done. He never even got the guy’s  _ name _ and both of them had been drunk. Drunk enough for Grimmjow to be brave, to seize on the confusion. “He was a pretty good kisser. I was kinda thrown off. Part of me thought it would be bad like it was  _ supposed _ to be.”

Starrk studies his face for a long moment before he clears his throat. “Because you’re not supposed to be attracted to men or something? Is that why you thought that?”

The question catches him off-guard; it’s surprisingly accurate. “Something like that. I also still knew for a fact I liked women, so I was up in the air. I don’t think I realized bisexual was a thing that existed then. I was just confused and scared, and the kiss was exciting.” Grimmjow pulls a knee up to his chest. “And now I kiss a man every night when I go home.”

Dark eyes skip down to his throat again before back up. “I suppose you do at that. Come a long way from the person who thought that liking men might be wrong.”

“That’s just societal bullshit. People wanting us to think there’s something wrong with us for not being the  _ norm, _ which is straight.” This is not the conversation Grimmjow expected to be having today and he doesn’t particularly want to have it with this man. “I know better now. I’m mature enough to know I was brainwashed when I was younger and now, I can appreciate my gorgeous fiance and everything we have together. It makes me happy, having him in my life.”

Nothing has ever made him as happy as Ulquiorra does. It’s something not to take for granted.

Starrk is quiet for a long moment before he stands, stretching his arms up over his head. “Thank you for the conversation. We should probably get started on working out, then.”

Grimmjow thinks he might have said something to offend the guy.  _ Good. _ Nothing he said was wrong, so if Starrk took offense from any of it, he can fucking deal with it.

He works him maybe a little harder than he should so that Starrk asks for a break, and Grimmjow grants him one because he needs to eat lunch anyway and he has a message from Ulquiorra. It takes a half second for the image to load, his curiosity piqued because Ulquiorra rarely sends him images given he only shows Grimmjow his artwork in person.

The image is not artwork and Grimmjow almost chokes on his bite of chicken.

Spring weather is the best weather for Ulquiorra because once the quiet buzz of warmth settles in, he never has to worry about being cold and as a result stops layering his clothing quite so much. He usually sticks to shorts and t-shirts or occasionally tank tops, always careful of his fair skin out in the sun because he burns so easily and he’s miserable the entire time his skin heals, so together they always remember sunscreen. But this photo is from indoors, from their  _ bedroom _ in particular, Ulquiorra sprawled out across the mattress with his shirt—  _ Grimmjow’s _ shirt, for that matter— hiked up to his collarbone.

A pair of black nipple clamps set prettily on his chest, the silver chain between them gleaming in the sunlight slanting through the window. Grimmjow can imagine his skin warming under even just that bit of light, can imagine how much hotter his nipples must feel right now. Flushed red and hard, caught like this, the little bite of pain blooming into warm pleasure.

He’s  _ never _ had Ulquiorra send him an imagine like this one before.

His hands shake just slightly as he pulls up his keyboard to reply.  _ You look fucking stunning. _

_ Do you like them? I was testing them as all good Dominants should. _ He can almost hear the words in Ulquiorra’s low and stoic voice, which only makes him all the more hot and bothered.

_ Of course I like them. _ Testing. Grimmjow bites down hard on his bottom lip at the implication and wonders how they would feel on him. He imagines that chain wound around Ulquiorra’s fingers, pulling at his sensitive nipples until his back bows from the strain.  _ We gonna play with them? _

Ulquiorra’s reply comes a minute or so later after he’s finally finished his food and managed not to choke to death in the meantime.  _ We can. I’m still a little sore because I started off too tight. _

_ I’ll make them feel better when I come home. _ Sexting at work is definitely a bad idea.

“I need to step out to make a quick call,” Starrk tells him, jarring him from his thoughts. “I’m sorry for extending the break longer than necessary, but Lily needs me.”

“She’s your daughter, man, it’s fine.” Grimmjow thinks about rescinding his negative opinions of this man just this once, his cock half-hard between his thighs from Ulquiorra’s teasing. “I’m probably gonna step out to call my fiance and see how his day’s been if that’s fine with you.”

Starrk is already leaving the room. “Yeah, sure, of course. I won’t hold you up.”

They do their primary training in a private room that Zommari keeps reserved for their use and jerking off in here would be strange and wrong, so Grimmjow excuses himself to the staff-only bathroom and shuts himself up in one of the stalls, sitting down hard as he pulls his phone back out and opens his messages once more, unsurprised to find a reply.

_ How are you going to make them feel better, Grimmjow? _

He shoves his shorts and boxers down so he can get a hand around his cock, stroking himself to full hardness. Glad he used to not have a smartphone and can still text with one hand.  _ With my tongue. I’ll lick them until they don’t hurt anymore. _

His imagination is wild and he can imagine it, too. He amps up the experience by imagining himself to be the one who takes the clamps off, loosening them so slowly so that the blood doesn’t all rush back at once and ache more than is pleasant. Just a little at a time, listening to Ulquiorra’s soft gasps, riding high on the sweet flush in his cheeks before he lowers his head enough to get his mouth over one of those hard and sore nipples. Gentle laps of his tongue, soothing the abused flesh until Ulquiorra keens softly, fingers twisting in his hair—

_ Fuck. _ He rests his head against the stall door, biting down hard on his tongue to keep himself quiet as he strokes his cock. While he should be hurrying his way through this to make sure he gets back to Starrk before the man can wonder where he is, he can’t rush it.

His phone vibrates and he checks the screen.  _ You’ll have to be so gentle with me. _

He wants to be. Strokes his cock from root to tip and back again, fighting the urge to screw his eyes shut to better focus on his fantasy because he has a message to answer.  _ I’ll have you melting into the sheets, Quiorra. Bet you want me to suck on them, too. _

Ulquiorra likes having his nipples played with because they’re sensitive, soft and pale pink that redden so easily when Grimmjow takes his time with them. Fingers and tongue and sometimes even teeth, tugging them oh so gently just to listen to the little noises that get caught in the back of Ulquiorra’s throat. He likes to suck them too, listen to Ulquiorra moan for him, feel his back arch with the movement. But he’d have to be careful if Ulquiorra is sore and tender still.

He could be, though. For Ulquiorra, he could be anything.

_ And then I can put them on you. _ The promise makes his cock  _ throb _ and he wants, a little sick with himself at just how much he wants that. Ulquiorra’s delicate little artist fingers tightening the screws until the black rubber bites into Grimmjow’s skin enough to make him sob, enough that every twitch of the chain between the clamps is enough that he can feel it in his cock.

_ I’d want them really tight. _ Because he likes pain. The sting and the burn and the bite, the sensation all sinking hot and deep into the core of his body until he’s burning with it.

Pre-come dribbles warm over his fingers and he smears it along his shaft, using it to decrease the friction. He’s doing his best to be quiet but he still listens carefully, not exactly keen on Tesla walking in on him jerking off. Aaron would rightfully never let him live that shit down. But he can’t make himself stop, not when desire is pulsing through his veins like this.

_ Pinch your nipples and see how good it feels. _ And Grimmjow gapes at the screen just a little because how can Ulquiorra know that he’s  _ doing _ something about their sexting?

He sets the phone down where he can keep an eye on the screen and shoves his free hand under his shirt, catching a nipple between his finger and thumb. He rolls it until it’s hard and then squeezes, pressing hard until the slight edge of pain chokes a little noise out of him. It  _ hurts _ but feels good just the same, enough to make his stomach feel hot and tight.

Another message pops up on the screen, not even letting the dimmer kick in.  _ It feels good to you, doesn’t it, sub? I could pinch them for you. And twist them. _

He’s. They’re really doing this. Grimmjow’s breathing is unsteady as he shifts his thighs wider apart, fucking up into the tight heat of his own fist. After taking a deep breath to steady himself, he  _ twists _ and yelps a little at how that feels, hips bouncing up just a little harder into his fingers at the way it hurts. It’s dull and it could ache if he did it long enough, would make wearing a shirt unbearable because every time the fabric brushed against his chest, he’d know.

If Grimmjow told him they weren’t doing this while he was at work, Ulquiorra would back off, but he doesn’t want to do that. So he lets go of his nipple so he can text back.  _ I’d like that, Sir. _

His imagination kicks back in, and this time his hands are tied to the headboard, cotton ropes that will leave marks in his skin that he’ll wear happily for days. They don’t hurt but they make such a pretty pattern and Ulquiorra takes such good care of him before and after, always checking the tightness, tying Grimmjow up with a tenderness that makes him feel soft all through his middle before Ulquiorra distracts him with sex.

He can almost see Ulquiorra perched across his waist. Has felt that slight warm and solid weight there before, the swell of Ulquiorra’s ass pressed down against his weeping erection while Ulquiorra seems relatively unbothered by his own arousal. Slender fingers tracing paths across Grimmjow’s chest, an art piece he’ll never be able to see before the pads brush over his nipples, teasing them until they’re hard before pinching and twisting—

Grimmjow makes a small sobbing noise and his hand speeds up on his cock.

_ You aren’t allowed to orgasm without asking me, sub. _

The message taunts him and Grimmjow bites down hard on his tongue, typing out a quick affirmative before his hand disappears under his shirt once more. Both of his nipples are hard now and he goes back and forth, wishing he could use both hands but he needs to jerk off or he’s going to fucking  _ die _ from it. So he contents himself with what he has and imagines Ulquiorra on top of him, yanking the chain until Grimmjow is openly weeping.

And then it flips to Ulquiorra in the clamps again, this time on his hands and knees while Grimmjow eats him out, listening to the noises he makes. One hand wrapped in the chain, giving it a jerk as he fucks his tongue deeper into Ulquiorra’s ass. It’s too much and Grimmjow has to force himself to stop long enough to pick up his phone.

_ I’m close, Sir. Am I allowed to come? _

Ulquiorra could tell him no, and he’d have to deal with his sexual frustration until he got home. But Ulquiorra isn’t that cruel.  _ Yes, sub. You may come for me. _

The little  _ for me _ added at the end of the message makes Grimmjow dizzy and before he can respond, another message comes in.  _ I expect a video of it sent to me as soon as you’re done. _

A video. Oh. Grimmjow fumbles for a moment with his phone, using the front-facing camera so he can see what he’s doing and keep his dick in frame. It’s  _ weird _ because he’s never done this before, not like this, but he clicks Record and goes back to jerking himself, letting a few stray noises slide out so Ulquiorra has something to listen to. It’s embarrassing, just a little humiliating that Ulquiorra managed to get him so worked up with nothing more than a photo and some choice words, not even the sound of his voice. But it’s enough to have Grimmjow jerking off madly in a bathroom stall at work, filming it to send to him for his inspection.

He can see his cock flushed red and swollen in the screen, can see the way pre-come beads at the tip and drips down over his fingers, making the slick noise of his hand all the louder. When he comes, it’s with a small little cry that he can’t quite muffle, his thighs twitching and trembling. He sends the video to Ulquiorra when his hand stops shaking.

_ Beautiful work, sub. I can’t wait for you to come home. _

Grimmjow thunks his head back into the tiled wall and then cleans himself up.

He half-expects Starrk to be waiting for him, already having a prepared excuse for why it took him so long only to find the room still empty. Lovely. But it gives him a little time to think about the fact he just jerked off in the bathroom, that he sent Ulquiorra the  _ video evidence. _

The thought Ulquiorra has the video to do with what he wants makes him feel a little hot.

When his phone vibrates once more, he checks his messages and whips his earbuds out, not keen on being caught. He plugs them into the jacket and clicks the video, letting it take a moment to process and load, time enough for his brain to just leak out of his ears.

Ulquiorra is, admittedly, better at this than he is. He starts with the camera on his face, flushed with color, his eyes lidded and warm as he looks up, his gaze threatening to pierce Grimmjow straight through to his soul. The camera drags down the length of his body slowly— his nipples, red and a little puffy and Grimmjow  _ wants _ him— to where his cock his hard and so, so pretty where it lies against his stomach. The skin there is so soft that Grimmjow wants to mouth at it, take Ulquiorra in his throat and then kiss his stomach to feel the muscles there jump.

One hand curls around Ulquiorra’s cock, long slender fingers working his shaft slowly like he’s teasing himself. Grimmjow licks his lips at the sight, unable to help himself, and if he hadn’t come forty seconds ago he would be all over this. Better jack-off material than any porn is.

When Ulquiorra orgasms, it’s with a low moan that Grimmjow can feel vibrating in his gut. By the time Starrk comes back to the room, Grimmjow is  _ desperate _ to do something with the excess energy, and if Starrk notices anything amiss, he doesn’t say anything about it. He looks tired now, like the conversation with his daughter didn’t go the way he wanted it to go, and dully, Grimmjow wonders how Byakuya and Sosuke are treating life with their new daughter.

Bad thing to think about right now. Better thing: Ulquiorra is waiting at home with a new toy. And now that Orihime and Ichigo know what they get up to in their spare time, it doesn’t matter how loud Grimmjow is during sex anymore. He’s going to take that and run with it.

It’s when the two of them are packing up for the day and Grimmjow is going over Starrk’s diet with him for maybe the second time this week that the door swings open. Annoyance flashes across his features and he turns, half-stepping in front of Starrk out of habit more than anything else. If it’s Zommari, fair game. The other trainers aren’t stupid enough to try this, so probably just a normal person and Grimmjow doesn’t have the  _ time— _

It is none of those people, as it turns out. Instead, Yylfordt Granz sweeps a pair of dark sunglasses off of his eyes, looking as handsome as ever.

The thing is, Grimmjow used to  _ like _ the guy. He’s seen all of his movies and even the handful of television shows where he got his first experience acting, and a part of him thought that Yylfordt’s chemistry with the other male leads in damn near everything he’s in suggested that  _ maybe _ he could be trusted. But if he’s buddying up with Starrk to cash in on the publicity of two guys kissing, then Grimmjow isn’t sure he can give a shit anymore.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he says, and Grimmjow hums as he turns back to his bag, disinterested in this entire situation. He just wants to go home. “Director wants us to spend  _ quality time _ together to make sure this goes down as organically as possible.”

What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Grimmjow pretends to be fixing his shoelaces, telling himself not to care too much about this. Get showered, go home, fuck Ulquiorra through the mattress and then make something to eat. Maybe he can bother Ichigo into coming over so he has an excuse to use the PS4 he bought over the holidays and still hasn’t touched.

In his defense, it’s fucking hard to get invested when real life is so much more interesting.

Starrk sighs and shoulders his bag. “We don’t have to do that if you don’t want to. I know he’s been weird about things lately, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere about all of this.”

“Mind spending time with you? Of course I don’t.” Yylfordt laughs and Grimmjow raises an eyebrow at the sound, wondering if it’s genuine or not. Then  _ no, I don’t care, I don’t give a shit if they have weird problems. It’s not my job to care. _ “I just wish it wasn’t under such a situation.”

“Lily wants to go to the mall after I leave here and I kind of promised her.” The tone of Starrk’s voice tells Grimmjow one thing: he was  _ definitely _ trying to cajole his daughter over the phone. The new nanny must not be working out after all. “I’m not going to cancel on her suddenly.”

Yylfordt makes a derisive noise at him. “Of course you aren’t. But I can come with you, if you like. You know Lily likes spending time with me as much as I enjoy spending time with her.”

“If it doesn’t trouble you, that would be great.” Starrk shifts his bag on his shoulder again and finally looks at Grimmjow. “Thank you for today. The conversation we had was very enlightening and helpful, and the training was excellent as always. I’ll see you in a few days.”

Grimmjow nods, giving his laces a quick tug. “You got it.” And he’s done for the day because Zommari lets him slide in and out when Starrk is the client he has to see.

The drive home is a tense one, his gut churning with excitement as he hums along with the song playing on the radio. Ulquiorra must have gotten bored at home and decided to see if he could try his hand with Dominating Grimmjow from afar, and of course it worked because Grimmjow is so weak for him it might be pitiful to others. Distantly, he wonders what Ichigo is like as a sub. Well, he supposes he’s going to find out over the weekend one way or another.

He’s excited at the prospect of going to a new club. He’d liked the atmosphere of Las Noches but going back is basically out of the question when their exes own and manage it. A new place with no connection to them is just what he and Ulquiorra need to start fresh.

The sight of a familiar car parked in his driveway has him grinning, accelerating just a little to close the distance just a touch faster. There is  _ one _ thing leftover from that relationship that he’s not the least bit upset about, and he swings into view when Grimmjow can see the porch.

He and Ulquiorra are sitting on the porch together, sharing the chairs there, but the minute Grimmjow pulls up he’s standing and throwing his arms open in a very  _ welcome home _ gesture. For now, Grimmjow stows away the thoughts of fucking his fiance and parks his car, stumbling out of the driver’s seat and into Bazzard Black’s waiting arms.

The drummer is strong enough that he picks Grimmjow  _ up _ and the gesture has him yelping, clinging to the man’s shoulders until he’s set back on his feet. “You can’t just do that.”

“I so totally already did.” Bazz gives his hair a ruffle and throws an arm around his shoulders, and Grimmjow revels in the closeness, the contact and the warmth. He likes Bazz so much it’s a little ridiculous but he suits him and Ulquiorra well. “Welcome home, Grimm. Surprise.”

And he’s the best kind of surprise to come home to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys missed bazz because i know i missed bazz.
> 
> a familiar trio makes their return in the next chapter~


	3. a quiet morning in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
>  **sexual content:** oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex, the slightest hint of bdsm

Aizen Sosuke awakes to the rhythm of suppressed moans and soft-sounding sighs.

His head is foggy with sleep, heavy enough that lifting it from his pillow and turning to see what his husband is doing is physically difficult. One pale hand is pressed to Byakuya’s mouth, his eyes screwed shut and his tangled, mussed black hair fanned around his face like a dark and wild halo. The comforter on his chest is in place but where the blanket should smooth out over the shape of his legs, it instead stretches over a bulge that Sosuke recognizes without having to move further. The way Byakuya’s free hand twists in the sheets confirms that their live-in boyfriend is responsible for this turn of events.

Chuckling, Sosuke rolls over onto his side and props his head up on one hand, stifling a yawn against his palm as he watches Byakuya struggle to hold in the noises trying to break free from his throat against the ministrations of the man between his thighs. His body rocks and trembles with the force of whatever is being done to him until he seizes up all over, face flushed hot and skin sweaty before he wilts back into the mattress.

A minute later, Abarai Renji crawls from underneath the comforter, the lower half of his face wet and a satisfied smile curving his lips. “Morning, Sosuke. How’d you sleep?”

“Better than I have been in a while.” This is the first night in a month or so that their daughter has been able to sleep through the night, a blessing. “What about you?”

“Pretty good. Even found time to wake up early.” Renji wraps a rough hand around the back of Sosuke’s neck, careful to avoid his own mane of hair as he pulls him into a kiss.

The taste of Byakuya is heavy on his lips and tongue and Sosuke’s pulse thuds harder and more insistently at the taste of his husband’s orgasm on his boyfriend’s tongue. Next to them, Byakuya makes an exhausted sound and when Sosuke peeks over Renji’s shoulder, Byakuya has thrown his arm over his eyes, trying to catch his breath. There’s an uneven, splotchy flush of deep pink stretching down his neck to his chest, a lovely shade that compliments his skin tone perfectly. Even without trying, Byakuya is perfect.

“You always find time to wake up early,” Sosuke tells him, and it’s true; Renji has a habit of waiting for one of them to wake up to make an effort to help them the rest of the way to full consciousness with his mouth or fingers, sometimes more. The last time Byakuya was woken up by them, it was to the sound of the springs creaking while Renji fucked him.

“What can I say? I’m a morning person.” Renji kisses him again, his hand sliding down from Sosuke’s neck to the bare expanse of his back, calluses rasping against smooth skin.

Byakuya sits up slowly, shaking his head. “I need to shower. Rukia will probably be up soon. If you two find time in your busy schedules to join us, then we can have breakfast together, though it looks like you’re going to be quite busy this morning.”

Renji’s hand, which has started a slow path down the curve in Sosuke’s back, freezes. “Busted. What are you gonna tell her when we don’t come downstairs?”

“That you’re lazy and slept in.” Byakuya leans in to steal a kiss from Sosuke, a warm one that lingers against Sosuke’s lips and leaves them tingling, and he realizes Byakuya can taste himself. “No worries, I don’t mind. Making breakfast with her is so soothing.”

“Tell her we’ll be down as soon as we wake up,” Sosuke says, and Byakuya smirks at him.

Having Rukia in their lives means that finding ways to be intimate with each other around her can be a difficult task. She’s young enough to be curious, to just push her way into rooms with closed doors or bang her little fists on locked ones until they give her the attention she wants or explain what they’re doing. With infrequent nightmares making it a gamble whether she sleeps through the night or not, they spend most of the time too exhausted to do much more than sleep in each other’s arms.

But today is a rare good morning, and Sosuke is happy to take advantage of it.

“You sure you don’t want to join us?” he asks, running his fingers through Byakuya’s hair.

Byakuya shakes his head. “I’m good for now. Any more and I won’t be able to stand long enough to make breakfast. Wear him out and get vengeance for me.”

“Of course,” Sosuke says, and Renji makes an affronted noise at both of them.

“I’m right here,” he says, his hand finally sliding down the rest of the way to cup Sosuke’s ass, squeezing as he noses into the curve of Sosuke’s neck. “What are you game for?”

“Anything you are,” Sosuke says, falling back down into the pillows.

Byakuya excuses himself to the bathroom and Renji shoves the comforter down, swinging himself into the space between Sosuke’s spread thighs, knees pressing down into the mattress as he leans over to give Sosuke another kiss. The hard lines of his body are warm and strong beneath Sosuke’s fingers, and he lets himself indulge as he runs his hands up and down Renji’s back, feeling the way his muscles flex with every small movement.

“You’re so warm.” Renji’s hands slide down his sides and Sosuke arches up into the touch, his eyelids fluttering. “Mm, I’ll keep you good and warm. The room’s a little chilly this morning.”

“Air conditioner,” Sosuke says, and Renji hums in agreement before mouthing at his throat.

He half-listens for the sound of small footsteps bounding down the hallway as Renji’s lips and tongue threaten to leave marks on his skin, nibbling and sucking at his skin until Sosuke’s hips arch with the little flares of pleasure curling in his body slow and warm. It’s enough to convince Renji to move downward, kissing a slow trail down his body to the apex of his thighs, big hands sliding up the insides to spread them wide. His hair is down this morning and fanning out everywhere, sliding over Sosuke’s bare thighs and making him shiver.

“Yank on my hair if you hear her,” he says, and Sosuke nods; they need a silent signal.

Renji’s hands stay planted on the insides of his thighs, holding him still while Renji leans in to press soft, easy kisses between them. Sosuke sighs, head tipping back against the pillows, his eyes fluttering shut as he gives in to the sensation Renji so freely offers him. It takes so little to arouse him when it’s one of his partners, who know his body so intimately and treat him with such care, always giving him what he wants.

Skilled, Renji takes it slow and leisurely, leaving wet kisses along Sosuke’s folds, tongue lapping up the moisture that his gentle ministrations cause. Like they have all the time in the world. Sosuke would hurry him on if he could bring himself to do it but he likes it slow and Renji likes to please, tongue stroking slow and careful over Sosuke’s folds before slipping between them and up over his clit. Even the slightest brush makes Sosuke shiver, his stomach hot and tight when Renji’s tongue focuses on the nerves there.

His tongue slides down and in and Renji’s hand palms his mound, fingers teasing his clit as he licks deep inside of him with no hesitation. He’d been the first man Sosuke ever trusted in this position outside of his own husband and that would probably stay true, considering—

No. Not right now. Sosuke leans down, grips Renji’s shoulder hard enough to dig his fingers in, feeling the muscle moving beneath his touch.

“You good?” Renji lifts his head, voice hazy and not all there.

That has Sosuke smiling softly and he nods, brushing a stray strand of hair off of Renji’s cheek, not missing how Renji leans into his touch. “I just wanted to touch you, is all.”

“You’re so fucking sappy.” But Renji takesSosuke’s hand in his own, laces their fingers together and squeezes. A warm reassurance. “Now lie back and let me take care of you.”

It’s too tempting to argue; Sosuke lays back, Renji’s hand warm in his own, Renji’s mouth hot against him, all lips and tongue and enough experience that Sosuke is on the edge before too long, pressing his free hand to his mouth to keep himself quiet. Renji fucks him open with his tongue, fingers tracing delicate paths between his folds, never lingering on any one place for too long. He switches them before long, fingers curling inside of Sosuke and stretching him open with care, tongue soothing his sensitized and swollen flesh.

“Fuck, you’re so wet.” Renji’s voice is dark and heavy, fingers curling up and  _ rubbing _ until Sosuke’s thighs shake with the movement, his breath coming in harsh little pants against his fingers. “You wanna come like this or do you want me inside of you?”

Sosuke wets his lips, moving his hand so he can speak. “Inside,” he says, his voice coming out in a low rasp. “You’re very talented with your fingers, Renji.”

The praise has Renji beaming at him and earns him a third finger, spearing him open and leaving him weak. If he was standing, he’d have fallen. “I try my best for you, Sosuke.”

When his fingers slip free, he shifts between Sosuke’s thighs, kneeling between them and gripping his cock in one hand. It’s hard, swollen and flushed and Sosuke shivers when Renji rubs the head against his slit, smearing pre-come along his skin. Not so much of a concern considering he had the organs necessary for pregnancy removed a long time ago, ensuring they don’t have to worry about condoms or making a mess.

“You’re so soft here.” Renji sounds almost drunk, his pupils blown wide as he shifts forward, entire shaft sliding between Sosuke’s folds. It’s a tease and he clenches around nothing, breath coming out in a needy hiss. “So wet. You ready for me?”

“ _ Yes. _ ” Sosuke arches his hips, slamming his hand over his mouth to muffle a moan when Renji’s cock drags over his clit, raw and sensitive from Renji’s tongue and fingers.

Renji smirks, palms his hips and shifts forward. “Sounds like it. Hold on.”

He grips his shaft in one hand, slick and messy from Sosuke’s wetness and nudges the head against his opening, the swollen tip opening him wider than Renji’s fingers had quite managed. There’s always this small, endless little moment, a sweet stretch that has Sosuke’s breath catching in his throat. And then Renji thrusts inside of him, opening him slowly but surely in one long glide that has his eyes rolling back in his head.

“You’ve taken so much time to get to this point.” The voice is Byakuya’s and Sosuke’s head rolls until he can see his husband standing in the bathroom doorway, a towel tied around his hips and dipping low. “Do you mind if I watch since you’re still going?”

Sosuke shakes his head. “Of course not, darling. You can sit on the bed if you want to.”

Byakuya takes him at his word, sitting down on the edge of the bed, brushing Sosuke’s hair back off of his forehead. “You’re a sight like this,” he says, his voice husky and warm, and the sound of it has Sosuke flushing warm with pleasure. “Take care of him, Renji.”

The commanding edge in Byakuya’s voice does not go unnoticed. “You got it, Sir.”

Renji’s hands slide along Sosuke’s thighs before seizing his hips in a firm hold, keeping him still while Renji slowly rocks in and out of him, just a few centimeters at a time to wake his body up and let him accommodate to the motion. The soft slick sounds of their lovemaking are impossible to notice and Sosuke almost feels  _ bad _ that his eyes drift to Byakuya, who strokes his cheek with the backs of his fingers, his skin gloriously cool against Sosuke’s overheated face, his eyes warm and soft.

“How does he feel, Renji?” Byakuya never breaks eye contact and Sosuke bites down hard on his lower lip, unable to look away from Byakuya’s mesmerizing gaze.

“So fucking good.” Renji’s voice is labored with his movements, his cock sliding in all the way which each thrust, Sosuke’s breath punching out in little stutters and gasps at the sensation of it, the push-pull against his internal muscles. “Tight and wet and hot. Eating him out always makes him a little bit tighter before I fuck him.”

The bluntness of his words makes Sosuke dizzy with want and he wraps his legs around Renji’s waist, heels digging in just above his ass so that he can’t move very far.

“Mm, I know what you mean.” Byakuya holds Sosukes eyes with his own still as he brings his fingers up to his mouth, running the tip of his tongue against them before leaning over, his fingers touching down on Sosuke’s clit gently. “And when you touch him like this—”

“Fuck!” Renji hisses and Sosuke whines, feeling himself spasm around Renji’s shaft.

Byakuya only smiles serenely. “Together now, Renji. I want to watch him when he comes.”

“You’re the worst,” Sosuke tells him, and Byakuya only smiles and leans down to kiss him, swallowing down the moan that leaves his throat when Renji snaps his hips forward.

Between the insistent thrusts of Renji’s hips and the nimble touch of Byakuya’s fingers, Sosuke can hardly restrain his orgasm the way he would like to. It’s a self-control he demands in a submissive but that fails him right now; he comes between the two of them, all but crying out into Byakuya’s warm, soft mouth while he feels Renji’s release, hot and wet, inside of him. Only when his body shifts from violent spasms to gentle quakes does Byakuya remove his fingers, licking the pads primly.

“Very pretty,” he says, and Sosuke huffs at him, too tired to do anything else. “You two, share the next shower and come downstairs. I’m going to go get Rukia up.”

Byakuya dresses in quick, clinical movements and leaves the bedroom, careful to close the door behind him. In contrast, Renji flops down on the mattress, curling against Sosuke’s side, nosing the side of his neck until Sosuke tilts his head to kiss him.

“It was worth it,” he says when Sosuke leans back, pulling him back. “C’mere.”

It takes quite a lot of kisses to convince Renji to get out of bed, but they make the most out of the shower and find Byakuya and Rukia in the kitchen together when they’re finally dressed. Rukia has to stand on a chair to reach the counter at all, and Byakuya keeps a careful eye on her. She hasn’t fallen once in his care.

“Good morning, my love.” Sosuke swings around the back of the chair to kiss the top of her head, smoothing her gleaming black hair under his fingers. “Are you helping?”

“Yes!” Rukia beams up at him and he spots Kon leaning against the flour and sugar canisters no doubt for backup. “We’re making waffles and I get to crack the eggs.”

With more care than most children at her age would have managed, Rukia just manages to crack the egg on the edge of the bowl Byakuya has given her, and she gets no shell in the mixture. Sosuke is always impressed with her skill; he assumes she must have cooked often with Hisana, and it makes his heart ache in a distant way. That Rukia has those memories of a sister she can no longer see, that she can handle such tasks with an ease most children could not because she had to grow up faster than they did.

But she likes to help cook, so he lets it be. “Thank you for your hard work.”

Rukia giggles up at him, her violet eyes glittering. “You’re welcome, So-chan!”

Treating Rukia like their daughter can only go so far; Byakuya was very firm about none of them pressuring her to call any of them  _ dad _ or any version of the title. That she would pick the words she wanted, and that anyone who felt unloved would just have to be mature and deal with it, that Rukia’s happiness had to be the most important thing to them.

Sosuke hardly minds one way or another. “Why don’t Renji and I set the table?”

Rukia’s expression sobers. “Tell Ren-chan not to break any of the plates.”

“It was  _ one _ time,” Renji mutters, already collecting a stack of plates from the cabinet; Byakuya chuckles and shakes his head at him. “It was  _ one _ plate. We have dozens.”

“That doesn’t mean you should break them,” Rukia says, sniffing at him.

The expression is so like Byakuya that Sosuke hesitates for just a moment, sharing a look with Renji who stares at Rukia in obvious and open disbelief. Byakuya seems not to notice, humming to himself as he works at the stove. Too bad; it probably would have made his morning to know their daughter is picking up on his mannerisms this early on.

Again, Sosuke’s chest aches a little, but it’s fond now. He and Byakuya decided long ago that biological children were not going to be a possibility for them, that neither of them wanted to go through the idea of pregnancy, and made their peace with the idea of adoption. The choice had been quickened when Hisana was hospitalized, but he doesn’t regret it. Having Rukia in their lives has been a bright spot even when times are hard, even when she has nightmares and misses the big sister she doesn’t have in her life any longer.

They have pictures of her, of course. When they emptied out Rukia’s belongings from the apartment she and Hisana lived in, they took all the pictures they could find of the two of them, and some of Hisana alone for Rukia’s solace. But pictures are not the same.

“I won’t let Renji break any plates,” Sosuke promises her, and Rukia smiles up at him.

“I’m talking to a few babysitters on my lunch break,” Byakuya reminds him, and Sosuke nods; they need to settle on one, and quickly. “Rukia, do you want to come along to meet them?”

“Yes, please.” Rukia points to Kon. “And Kon has to come. They have to be nice to him, too.”

Renji starts setting out plates while Sosuke gathers the cutlery. “Hopefully there’s someone who rubs you the right way. Make things just a little easier on all of us.”

Juggling their work schedules around Rukia has been difficult to say the least; she isn’t old enough to start school just yet and while there are programs available for children her age, Byakuya doesn’t want her enrolled just yet. She needs time to process Hisana’s passing, something she’s still in the process of doing, so a babysitter was the easiest choice to come to. They needed someone available during the day when Sosuke and Byakuya have work without trying to keep Renji at the house all day long.

“I’m hoping so. I don’t want to spend too long searching for someone.” Byakuya comes to collect the eggs from Rukia, who slides down out of her chair, her job completed. “The applications were at least promising. I just hope there’s someone who works out.”

Renji sighs, leaning his hip against the table. “Three people and we still need a sitter.”

“It happens,” Sosuke tells him, pausing when Rukia walks up to him. “Yes, Rukia?”

“Can you get Kon for me?” she asks him, taking one of his hands in both of hers. “

He smiles and nods, picking her up in one arm and carrying her over to the counter. “How about I just give you the boost you need to pick him up yourself?”

“You spoil her,” Byakuya says, but there’s nothing unkind in his voice.

Adopting her in the first place… Sosuke wants not to think about it, but he only manages two or three dreams a week that do not include a set of green or blue eyes. His heart can only take so much ignoring the problem, still throbbing now and then with the loss of the two men who felt like they were meant for Sosuke to find. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra meant it when they walked away; part of Sosuke hoped they would have a change of heart and decide to try, but they never looked back. Not even once.

His life was not bereft of them; far from it, considering Bazz’s desire to keep his friendship with them and refusing to hide it from the public. There were photographs of them online, plenty of them; Grimmjow was already in the public eye from working with Coyote Starrk. Sosuke never even spoke to Bazz about it; he reached out to the tabloids himself to reaffirm that Bazz could have whatever friends he wanted.

It was the least he could do for the two men his heart refused to let go of.

It was Rukia’s adoption that split their bond; Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were not ready for children, something Sosuke can respect though he misses them terribly. Considering how much Rukia has bloomed since coming to stay with them, their love and warmth opening her heart, he can understand that the right decision was made; she needed exceptional care, and if they were not ready to provide that care, it was better for them not to be here.

That didn’t make it hurt any less, or make him wish for them to come back less.

“So-chan?” Rukia touches his cheek and he blinks down at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, my love. Just thinking about going in to work today, that’s all.” Sosuke carries her back to the table; little white lies never hurt anyone, and the last thing he wants to do is see the look on Byakuya’s face if he mentions their names out loud.

For the sake of his husband, he remains silent. Byakuya still blames himself; Sosuke missed the entire conversation between him and Renji outside, tied to the table and to the men he brought into their relationship. Byakuya confessed to Renji that it was his fault they were leaving, that the responsibility was his own and no one else’s to carry.

Rukia wrinkles her nose up at him. “Work sounds hard,” she says, and he nods to her.

“You and me are going to spend the day together, baby girl.” Renji holds out his arms and Rukia leans into them willingly; she’d taken to having three father figures in her life better than most children likely would have. “We can do whatever you want to do.”

Rukia’s face lights up as she looks up at him, hugging Kon tight to her chest. “I want to watch Sailor Moon,” she informs him, and Renji nods down at her.

“We bought the collection for you, didn’t we?” He taps her on the nose and Rukia huffs, hiding her face behind Kon. “Oh stop that, it was just a little tap.”

Byakuya comes to the table with waffles and Sosuke moves to assist him. “Most of my day is going to be taken up with sorting through the publicity Nozarashi have ahead of them after their tour,” he says, and Sosuke nods; he knows the motions. “Is it extremely childish of me to not want to have to tell Bazz what to do directly? It is. I know it is.”

“It’s not,” Sosuke tells him. As awful as it is, their relationship with Bazz has been strained; the last time Nozarashi came to the house, they were absent their drummer. “He’s been keeping his distance, too, so I think it’s safe to say we just need to give each other space.”

“That’s true.” Byakuya sighs, shaking his head. “This is so… Difficult.”

Renji looks up at them both; Rukia is suitably distracted, telling Kon about the waffles. “It’s not making it hard to work with him, is it? Or is it just personally?”

“He’s perfectly fine to work with.” Byakuya frowns. “If anything, he’s been too easy to work with. He doesn’t argue dates and schedules with me anymore and he hasn’t missed a single thing. It was normal for him to ditch out on at least one interview a month.”

Sosuke nods slowly, soothing his fingers through Rukia’s hair. “And he hasn’t caused a single scandal recently which is something. He and Yumichika used to keep me so busy that I hardly know what to do with myself these days.”

“I never thought I’d hear you complaining that Bazz isn’t trying to uproot all of your hard work and destroy the band from the inside out,” Renji muses.

“It’s just strange not to have to deal with it anymore. He’s busy these days.” Byakuya shakes his head, but there’s a slight bitter edge to his voice that Sosuke understands well.

They talked so many times after the initial breakup; Sosuke was a mess more than he thought was possible, especially with how they’d left things. While Byakuya was racked with guilt, he was just as angry as anything else. Though it was unfair, part of him would always be upset Ulquiorra never went through with meeting Rukia— She was always important to him, and Ulquiorra had gone back on that promise.

No amount of conversation ever really shook that from his mind; Sosuke let it go a long time ago. If Ulquiorra could say he didn’t want children yet, then it was their job to respect that wish and let him go. If it was what he thought was best, then so be it.

No one could ever know what he wanted for himself more than he did, after all.

“Better than him causing us undue trouble when we have our home life to consider more carefully now,” Sosuke says, and Byakuya’s face softens and he nods. If things are easier for them, it makes everything easier for Rukia. “So let’s be thankful he’s busy.”

He doubts Bazz spends all of his spare time with Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, anyway.

“So what’s the schedule for the day?” Renji asks, cutting up Rukia’s waffles for her. “You guys work. Bya, you’re coming to get Rukia for lunch, right? To meet the babysitters.”

“Right. I’ll bring her back by after that, and I’ll text you well ahead of time so you can be ready.” Byakuya sits down hard in his chair, rubbing a hand over his face; it’s already shaping up to be a long day for all of them. “If that goes well, I’ll arrange the sitter to come here to the house so we can all talk to them. Sosuke? Anything to add?”

Sosuke sits down slowly. “I need to go into Las Noches today and make sure things are running smoothly. Halibel has said some worrying things about Shinji these days.”

Byakuya rests his chin on his hands, staring down at his plate. “Right. Shinji’s been having a rough go of it lately. I remember her telling me about that, as well, but I’m not as close to him so it’s not like there’s all that much I can offer to fix it.”

“I’ll make sure to check up on him before I come home for dinner.” Sosuke pats him reassuringly on the shoulder and Byakuya smiles softly. “Halibel has a few things to go over, but she already said it wouldn’t take too long. I get the feeling she wants to spend her time with Nelliel these days instead of talk logistics.”

“Nel sure is happy with her,” Renji says, and there is a slight tone to his voice.

Sosuke knows about that, too; Nelliel is still training with Grimmjow at his gym, citing that their relationship problems were not her problems and that he was helping her. All fair and game; Sosuke was not going to expect someone else to uproot their life or make significant changes, and for as much as he might complain about it, Renji never seems truly upset.

Maybe, like Sosuke, Renji has his own way of missing them.

“Sailor Moon today too,” Rukia says, finally rejoining the conversation.

“Sailor Moon is very important,” Renji tells her, reaching for the syrup. “We’re blocking out the whole morning for that, but we gotta make sure to get you ready so that nii-san can take you out to lunch, okay? So you can help pick out a new babysitter.”

Rukia sighs but nods sagely. “I can help.”

Breakfast goes by otherwise undisturbed and by the time Sosuke and Byakuya are ready to leave for the day, Rukia and Renji are already on the couch with another Blu-ray disc in the player and Rukia’s attention focused fiercely on the screen. They both collect kisses from Renji on the way out and only take one car today; they only take split cars if they both have places to be and need to have their transportation options open.

“Can I be honest with you?” Sosuke asks Byakuya as they slide into the car, securing their seatbelts. “For all of the complaints at breakfast… I still miss them.”

Byakuya is quiet for a long moment, his gaze on the steering wheel before he slots the key into the ignition. “As much as it pains me to admit it, I do, too.”

They hold hands on the way to work and Sosuke thinks he can just about face today, deal with work, give Shinji what help he can, and come home to his family. Having Rukia, Renji, and Byakuya to come home to is more than he expected, and he’s grateful for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've made it super clear i think about who rukia's babysitter is going to be


	4. an interview

The young woman sitting across from him at the table makes Byakuya think of sunlight, but the name on the form in front of him makes something in his stomach drop.

Inoue Orihime. The woman who unintentionally led to the breakdown of the relationship he, Sosuke, and Renji once had with Grimmjow and Ulquiorra smiles fondly down at Rukia, who chatters to her a kilometer a minute while Byakuya pretends to continue reading her resume. What are the chances of another person in the world having the same name as the woman who shattered Ulquiorra’s heart into so many pieces? Not that Byakuya cares so much anymore. Caring is difficult; he needs to focus on his family, and what matters now is whether or not Orihime is well-suited to caring for Rukia.

She has a list of references, more than most of the other people Byakuya has interviewed and they go far back, all the way to her earliest days of high school. Responsible at such a young age? That appeals to him. It means she likely developed the skills necessary to care for small children early and has been perfecting them ever since.

“Rukia-chan is so cute.” Orihime leans over to tap Rukia on the end of her nose and giggles, Rukia scrunching up her face before hiding behind Kon. “She really is beautiful, Kuchiki-san, and very well-spoken for someone her age. You’re doing a great job!”

“Thank you, Inoue.” Byakuya regards her over the paperwork in front of him and wonders how cruel it would be should he hire her. Oh well. It was unlikely Ulquiorra would ever find out, and considering everything that occurred between them, Byakuya is not sure he could summon that much pity should he. “What attracted you to apply for this position?”

“My boyfriend and I just moved, and while he has a job, I was between jobs even before then. It’s not far from where I live.” Orihime smiles down at Rukia, who peeks out from behind Kon with large violet eyes. “And I’ve always loved taking care of children.”

_ It’s not far from where I live. _ Byakuya drags his teeth over the corner of his lower lip; he knows where she lives. The address places her not far from Ulquiorra’s own apartment, and he wonders if Ulquiorra is aware of her proximity or not. Should he tell him?

_ He lost the privilege of having you worry about him when he decided the relationship should come to an end, _ he reminds himself. “Rukia has had a very difficult time in her life lately. She recently lost her older sister, so she can become withdrawn and quiet. She can lash out, and she has nightmares often still. Could you handle all of that?”

Orihime’s face softens and she stretches out a hand, brushing Rukia’s hair back out of her eyes tenderly. “I can,” she murmurs. “I’ve watched children with similar issues in the past. It’s difficult, I know, but fulfilling when they’re able to move on with their lives.”

Byakuya’s eyes widen slightly at her words. “I wasn’t expecting that answer.”

“Children are incredibly resilient. They can suffer and bounce back from what can destroy adults, tenfold sometimes. But they shouldn’t have to.” Orihime makes a face and Rukia giggles and hides behind Kon once more, using her hand to move Kon’s, making him wave at Orihime. “That being said, if she’s suffered, the best we can do is support her and give her the tools she needs to bounce back from that any way we can.”

“I would agree on each point you made. Rukia is very dear to me.” Byakuya debates, watching as Rukia continues to make Kon wave and gesture to Orihime, who laughs, her eyes entirely for Rukia’s antics. “Rukia was adopted, as you know. It was in the additional information provided. Her sister trusted me with her life, and it would be a disservice to Hisana to surround Rukia with anyone who does not love her and want what is best for her.”

In the end, it was the precise reason that though Byakuya is bitter about it, he can accept that Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were not meant to be a part of their lives any longer. If they could not love and support Rukia, what use did Byakuya have for them?

Orihime’s expression is solemn as she meets his eyes. “I understand wholly. She was your friend, wasn’t she? Hisana. It’s why you want to do right by Rukia so much.”

“Yes. Hisana was a dear friend of mine and I’d known her for years.” Byakuya watches Rukia’s expression dull slightly, surprised when Orihime instantly turns her attention to her, speaking in a higher-pitched, squeaky voice to Kon. “And now her younger sister is my daughter, and I would do anything to make sure she has a happy life.”

“It explains why your application was so thorough. It was the most detailed one I’ve filled out before.” Rather than sound exasperated about such a thing, Orihime sounds happy.

Byakuya breathes a sigh of relief and returns to the list of questions he prepared. “How flexible are your hours? And will you be available in case of an emergency?”

“I don’t have a job right now, so my hours are pretty open. My boyfriend works pretty late into the evening some nights, so I don’t have a time limit on being home.” Orihime giggles when Kon talks back to her in a rougher, deeper version of Rukia’s voice. “Some nights I might be unavailable, but I usually know about those well in advance, so I can inform you ahead of time. And for emergencies, you should just be able to call me anywhere.”

Nodding, Byakuya taps a few keys on the screen of his tablet and returns to the list of questions, pressing his lips together at one of them. It’s  _ necessary _ as far as he is concerned, but having to ask feels wrong on so many levels.

“Do you carry any bigoted beliefs that I need to know about?” he asks, and watches Orihime’s eyebrows dart up in surprise. “I raise Rukia alongside my husband and boyfriend, and my husband and I are both trans. So if you have a problem with either of these facts, then I need to know. Rukia is being raised to be tolerant.”

Orihime’s face softens once more. “I understand. I’ve not a problem with either. I’m actually bisexual myself even though I’m with a man right now.”

“That’s good to know.” Byakuya releases a breath and makes more notes on his tablet. “Should you pass this interview, I’ll introduce you to the two of them.”

“I can bring my boyfriend if you want,” Orihime offers, and Byakuya raises an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to elaborate. “In case she would ever be around him. I can keep him away from her if need be, but I was thinking that an emergency might mean she needs to stay at our apartment, or that he might pick me up from your house.”

_ Thoughtful.  _ “I believe that would be an excellent idea, Inoue.”

Orihime makes a note of her own on her phone, it seems. “That’s good! I was just thinking about that, I wouldn’t want to bring him around her without your say-so.”

“Another question.” Byakuya presses the end of his stylus against his lower lip. “I manage a band as my career. Would you be comfortable around them? I know some young women are understandably wary of being around strange older men.”

“Nozarashi, right?” Orihime asks, and Byakuya blinks twice at her. “I’ve seen your pictures with them, and I don’t mind. They seem like sweet enough men as it is.”

_ A fan? _ It would not surprise Byakuya, so he makes a note of that as well. “Can you cook?”   


“I can. You won’t have to prepare meals in advance, and if there are certain recipes Rukia-chan likes, then I can make those for her.” Orihime leans closer to Rukia, who beams up at her. “What’s your favorite food, Rukia-chan? I bet I can make it for you.”

“Cookies,” Rukia tells her, and Orihime laughs. “I like chocolate chip the best of all.”

Leaning closer, Orihime cups a hand around her mouth and speaks in an exaggerated whisper. “I’ll make you all the chocolate chip cookies you could possibly want.”

“Nii-san!” Rukia’s little hand fists in Byakuya’s sleeve and she tugs. “You should pick her.”

The comment has Byakuya smiling as he makes a few more notes; Rukia has been quiet around the other potential babysitters he’s interviewed, seemingly uninterested in them or just not able to connect with them. Byakuya understands; Rukia has closed off parts of her heart that he is yet to unlock, so it takes quite a lot of effort on her part to do this.

But she’s doing it for Orihime, which is something worth considering. He notes that, too.

A message pops up on Line and he quickly checks it, unsurprised to find it from Sosuke, who is also on his lunch break at the moment.  _ How are things going this afternoon? _

_ I’m making excellent progress. Make sure you eat properly. _ Left to his own devices, Sosuke has skipped lunch before, and Byakuya is never not annoyed when it occurs.

_ I will. No worries. I’m eating now. _ A picture follows the message, one of the bento Renji threw together for Sosuke this morning, and Byakuya smiles at the sight of it.

Once, it had been a serious concern of his. He loves Renji, and has from early in their relationship given how well the two of them meshed together, how they fulfilled needs the other had and seemed like pieces meant to fit together. It was different from his marriage with Sosuke, which took precedence above everything else of course, and then the two slowly began to mesh until Byakuya began to selfishly hope the two of them might be able to get along in more ways than one. And now, he has everything.

Well,  _ almost _ everything. Best not to linger. Best not to be too selfish.

_ Good man. _ Byakuya hovers over the keys for a moment.  _ Rukia likes this one. We’re getting somewhere. I’ll give you more details when you come home from Las Noches. _

_ Sure you don’t need me to come straight home so we can discuss it? _ Sosuke asks.

The question is touching; Sosuke is doing his best for Rukia in so many ways.  _ It can wait, my love. Take care of figuring out what’s going on with Shinji and then come home. _

_ As you wish. I love you. _ Byakuya smiles, sends the message back, and turns to Orihime.

She and Rukia have been playing a game while he’s been occupied and he watches the two of them silently for a moment, trying to ignore the visceral tugging in his chest and at the back of his mind. But there is no real way to ignore it; this makes him think of Rukia and Hisana and it soothes a part of him that had been in turmoil for quite some time. He knows it would be wrong to foster the idea that Hisana could still  _ almost _ be a part of her life even in death, in such a way, but Byakuya wants her happiness above all else.

He props his chin on his hand and watches them, makes a few more notes on his tablet, considers what other questions might be important. Most of these are answered by Orihime’s resume, which is not what he was expecting, but then she brought more references than anyone else, more experience to the table despite her young age.

And more importantly than anything else, she can make Rukia smile and laugh.

Byakuya closes the app holding his questions and sets the tablet aside. “Should I decide to allow you to take this position, when do you think you can start?”

“I’m occupied this weekend, but I can start as early as Monday if you need me to,” Orihime answers, taking Kon from Rukia and making him dance across the table.

“Monday it is, then.” Byakuya looks to Rukia, who perks up at his attention. “How does that sound, Rukia? Would you like Orihime to become your babysitter?”

Of course, Rukia’s eyes widen and she bounces up and down in her chair, her lips splitting into the widest smile Byakuya has seen in weeks. “Yes, please! Onee-chan is really nice, I like her! I want to spend time with her and play with her.”

“Then you can do that, darling.” Byakuya smiles when Rukia squeals, and Orihime makes Kon’s little hands wave in the air in celebration. “Is that fine with you, Inoue?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t have applied for the position if I didn’t want it.” Orihime claps her hands together once and smiles, and Byakuya nods. “My number is on the resume, of course, so you can contact me to let me know exact hours if you still need time to work that out. I don’t have any questions about the pay. The black and white terms made sense and seem fair to me, and I’m happy to accept them as they are.”

Byakuya nods, tents his fingers in front of his mouth. “Very well. Do you have questions?”

“What hours do you normally work?” Orihime asks. “So I have an idea of my own hours.”

“We have typical nine to five jobs, though my managerial duties can keep me out at odd hours depending. Sosuke will be home each day, though.” Byakuya watches Rukia once more; her spirit seems buoyed even more than it was when he came to pick her up, after an entire morning of being pampered and spoiled by Renji. “Renji works nights typically as a bartender and with his band, but he’ll be out during the day running errands.”

Orihime nods and taps at her phone screen. “That’s all understandable. If that’s all, then this sounds like an excellent arrangement to me.”

“I’ll arrange for the five of us to all sit down and have a conversation. Perhaps dinner at my house if you’re interested?” Byakuya asks, and Orihime nods with a smile.

They eat lunch, and he lets Rukia interact with Orihime as much as she wants until he has to drop her off back at home and head back to work for the day. He bids Orihime goodbye, reassures himself that the phone number on her resume is the one he needs to reach her, and spends a few minutes cancelling the other interviews with no need to see them now. By the time he drops Rukia back at home, her mood is even brighter than it was before and she gives him an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek when he needs to leave her with Renji.

Unsurprisingly, Sosuke is waiting in his office when he returns, a stack of paperwork in front of him as he waits patiently. Byakuya closes the door up, locks it, and then wraps his arms around his husband’s shoulders, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. “My love.”

“Darling,” Sosuke murmurs. “Sorry to intrude, but I had work to bring you.”

“A gift,” Byakuya says, glancing at the top of the stack. “This should take no time.”

Sosuke slowly rises. “I need to get back to work. Ah, that reminds me. I had to take care of another situation regarding Bazz this morning. He brings us all kinds of trouble now, hmm?”

“He does,” Byakuya agrees, and wonders what compromising position he was photographed in this time, if it was one of them or both of them. “But I suppose it’s better than the trouble he used to cause. Actual scandals. This is just, something we can handle.”

Though he knows Sosuke has seen the numbers, no part of him has it in him to bring up the fact that Bazz’s general popularity has risen recently with all of the photographs of him alongside Grimmjow and Ulquiorra floating around. He spends time with Yumichika, who serves as his partner in crime, and there was Haschwalth the  _ one _ time Nozarashi was allowed to tour with Sternritter. A  _ massive _ undertaking, and Byakuya wonders if it will happen again in the near future with a slight terror in his gut.

No one  _ wants _ to set up trouble to keep happening, after all.

“As long as he remains not causing real trouble, I can handle him.” Sosuke pauses at the doorway and Byakuya kisses him goodbye, runs a hand down the side of his face to cup his jaw. If they weren’t at work— Ah, but they are. “Have a good day, darling.”

Byakuya nods, kissing him gently on the jaw. “Of course. I’ll see you when you come home.”

He sits down at his desk to go through the paperwork, mostly the same old same old, signing off on a few interviews and such. Most of that has to go through Sosuke as well as him these days, ensuring that no mistakes are made and that everyone agrees to the terms of each interview, the weight of each public appearance. But his mind wanders to Las Noches, and he feels a pang in his chest at the thought that he hasn’t stepped foot into the building since the last night he spent there before adopting Rukia.

The business is still in his name, but Halibel and Sosuke have been handling more of the business than he has been. Rukia has been the center of his world, and he doubts that is going to change in the near future. Maybe he should consider selling his share of it to Halibel and Sosuke, who seem to have it more under control than he does.

Maybe they should just give the entire place to Halibel. She seems to be more devoted to it than either of them are, and she does well even when she’s all on her own.

He finishes the paperwork earlier than expected and picks his phone up off of the charger, opening up Line to send a message.  _ What’s been going on with Shinji? _

_ He’s been distant lately, Sir. _ The reply from Hisagi Shuhei is as prompt and respectful as always; Hisagi is Kensei’s sub, and Byakuya has seen the longing looks he throws Shinji over his shoulder. Despite the fact Shinji and Kensei have always had serious friction with one another, the two of them continue to scene together, and Hisagi has it bad for him.  _ He comes in rarely, and when he does, he usually refuses attention or touch. He’s outright safeworded to keep other Doms away from him as well, Sir. _

Byakuya frowns at the thought; Shinji is a glutton for attention.  _ Do you know what started it? Does this have a source, or did it begin spontaneously? _

_ He hasn’t been right since the night he dropped after his punishment, _ Hisagi replies.

That night. Byakuya stares down at the screen, knowing that it registers him having read the message but not sure what else to say. The night that had, more or less, set up the failure of their relationship. Communication in general was a problem at the end, but the night Grimmjow and Ulquiorra spent with Bazz, and Sosuke’s reaction to it… Byakuya bites down on his lower lip and pulls up his keyboard once more.

_ Do you know the details of what occurred? _ He types it out and sends it quickly.

Though he’s heard about what happened from various people, he still feels the need to ask. He still feels, in the back of his mind, that something must have gone wrong. The last time Shinji dropped, it was after a particularly rough, somewhat grueling session with Sosuke, and it was expected on both of their parts that he would fall apart when all was said and done. It was about testing his limits, and pushing him right up against them.

Shinji dropping after a simple punishment is unlike him in more ways than one.

_ I was there. I saw, Sir. Miss Rangiku punished him, and he was told he was to remain restrained while he came down from the pain and thought about his mistake. _ As always, Hisagi is quick and to the point, and Byakuya adores that about him.  _ Shortly after, he broke down crying. It was a very painful sound. Everyone responded quickly. _

_ And then Eishima took him down off of the wall and took him home? _ Byakuya asks.

There is a pause; Hisagi must be taking care to type out his words, and Byakuya sees why when they send.  _ Sir offered first, but it only seemed to upset Shinji more. I think this might have something to do with Sir. Things have been tense since the argument. _

The argument. And Sir, to Hisagi, would be Kensei.  _ Damn _ it.

There is so much about Shinji and Kensei that none of them know. The two were acquainted when they came to work at Las Noches and at first, that relationship allowed them to flourish because they were both skilled in their trade and worked well as a pair on top of everything else. They could teach and train with ease, they bantered from time to time, and it was hardly unusual to see them slip into a scene. When had things changed? Was it when Hisagi became a permanent part of the picture?

If this was not happening in Las Noches, Byakuya could ignore it, tell himself this is none of his business and move on with his life, but he can’t do that.  _ Thank you for the information, sub. Pass on a message to your Sir that he should reward you for me. _

He screenshots the conversation, sends it to Sosuke, and shuts his phone off to focus.

The relationship between him and Nozarashi has been strained lately because of the situation at hand, not enough to make working with them difficult but enough that Byakuya can feel the tension when he’s with the entire group. Yumichika has toned down his personality a significant amount around him, as if uncertain if he can be himself around Byakuya any longer. Bazz is quieter, like he’s caged everything inside of himself in an effort to be as polite and nondescript as possible. And Byakuya knows why, but knowing why and knowing how to deal with it are two different things.

It would just have to be that his personal life finally comes together as his professional one begins to strain itself in a meaningful and impactful way.

Sighing, he pinches the bridge of his nose and leans back in his chair.  _ Focus on work. Go home to Rukia and Renji. Let Sosuke deal with Shinji. You don’t have to see Nozarashi today, so you don’t have to think too hard about things with Bazz. _

When it comes time to talk to Bazz about things properly— when Kenpachi tires of the strain and demands they get back on the same ground— Byakuya will handle it. Professionally of course, and making sure that Bazz is aware that no one is going to hold it over his head if he wants to stay friends with Byakuya’s exes. He has more professionalism in his little finger than most people have at all.

And Nozarashi has to work out. Byakuya has put everything he has into them. All of his life’s efforts culminated in this, so letting it fall apart so easily is out of the question.

He has emails to answer and more paperwork to file away before he can leave the office and head home, waiting beside Sosuke’s car so he can give him a goodbye kiss before he heads to Las Noches to see what he can uncover about Shinji’s issues. Maybe Byakuya pulls Sosuke closer to him, skims a hand down the side of his face and nibbles on his lower lip until the smallest hint of pale pink rises in the highest part of his cheekbones.

“Take care this evening,” he says, his hand pressing into the curve of Sosuke’s waist. “Let me know if anything interesting happens, or if you solve this problem.”

Sosuke chuckles, kisses the side of Byakuya’s nose. “Of course I will. I’ll do the best I can for Shinji, assuming he wants to open up and tell me what’s going on.”

“I hope he does.” Byakuya steals another kiss. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Renji is waiting for him at the door when he comes home, a single finger pressed to his lips, stepping back to show Byakuya that Rukia is napping on the couch, Kon held tight against her small chest. There is general discouragement when it comes to allowing children to nap this late in the day, but Byakuya thinks she needs what she needs, and pushing her is wrong. Better to let her sleep when she can, especially with her nightmares.

As soon as he sets down his bag and toes out of his shoes for slippers, though, Renji is there, hands on his face, holding him still for a gentle kiss. It takes his breath away, the gentleness that Renji touches him with, the tenderness in his rough and callused fingers. Byakuya leans into it and him, and Renji leads him across the living room to the kitchen.

“Howare you feeling?” Renji asks, hands settling on his shoulders to massage the soreness out of them, humming softly when Byakuya sighs and leans back into it. “That’s my man.”

Smirking, Byakuya looks up at him. “I’m fine. Tired. Work was work. I found us a babysitter, and we’re going to have her and her boyfriend over for dinner soon.”

“That sounds like fun.” Renji drops a kiss on the side of his neck. “I’ll help you cook.”

Byakuya smiles, curls his fingers around Renji’s wrist and squeezes gently. “Thank you.”

There is little to do other than wait for Rukia to wake up and wait for Sosuke to come home, so they spend their time playing house, cleaning up the kitchen from lunch and preparing for dinner. When Rukia wakes up, Byakuya sweeps her up into her arms and covers her face in kisses, smiling when she giggles and smacks one across his cheek. She helps them finish dinner and by the time Sosuke walks through the front door, the day has been excellent.

The expression on his face gives Byakuya pause, though. “What happened, love?”

“Shinji has decided to hand in his formal resignation and leave Las Noches.” Sosuke sits down heavily on the couch, resting his head in his hands, his eyes fixed on the floor. “The conversation did not go well. But it told me something I didn’t previously know.”

Byakuya has Renji watch Rukia while he goes to sit beside Sosuke, taking one of Sosuke’s hands in both of his. “Look at me. Tell me what happened at Las Noches.”

“He and Ulquiorra had an interesting conversation that I never knew happened. No one ever mentioned it to me, that the two of them talked. About this. About us.” Sosuke laughs but the sound is strained and Byakuya’s heart clenches at the sound; he  _ hates _ when Sosuke sounds like that. “He told Ulquiorra that he should leave us.”

_ What? _ Byakuya’s head spins at the news. “I don’t understand. I know Shinji’s been having a rough time recently, but why would he do something like that?”

“Ulquiorra ran into him after his sub drop began and they talked about things. You know the subject. It was the last we discussed.” There is a glitter of tears in Sosuke’s eyes for a moment, but he quickly squeezes them away. “I… It stopped being a civil discussion, Byakuya. I raised my voice to him. It made him cry.”

“Oh, baby.” Byakuya drops all pretense and wraps his arms around Sosuke’s shoulders, pressing his face into Sosuke’s hair and soothing him when he hears a small, broken sound leave Sosuke’s lips. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”

Sosuke and Shinji were always close; this makes Byakuya’s head spin and he wonders if Shinji handed in his resignation because of the fight or if he had been planning to and this just presented the opportunity. But he doesn’t ask, combing his fingers through the ends of Sosuke’s hair and whispering sweet nothings to him to keep him from breaking down crying. No matter what, it isn’t his fault that everything came to pass as it did.

The fact Byakuya wants to get his hands on Shinji has nothing to do with anything.

It takes time, but he manages to calm Sosuke down into speaking again. “I never dreamed there was foundation laid for them to leave us. I feel like Shinji nudged him in that direction, like Ulquiorra… He was grasping at straws. He was trying so hard. Even though I know it was the right choice. Even though I know he wouldn’t have wanted a child.”

“Of course.” Byakuya kisses his temple, his cheek, his nose, his lips. “Don’t cry, my darling. I’m sorry that Shinji turned out to be this way, but it was for the best. We’re happy now.”

Slowly, Sosuke smiles. “That’s true. We are happy in our own little family.”

“And we made you dinner.” Byakuya decides then and there to tell Sosuke about Orihime in the morning, not wanting to upset him any more tonight with any mention of Ulquiorra. Maybe it’s harder for Sosuke to let go of them than Byakuya thought possible.

Sosuke calms down and Byakuya takes him to the kitchen to feed him, exchanging glances with Renji over the table as he does. Rukia can sense something is wrong and insists that Sosuke should hold onto Kon at the table, pleased when he smiles and thanks her. This will do for now, but Byakuya wonders if there is more that needs to be done.

He wonders if he should talk to Shinji. Or to… Them.


	5. dinner and a show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
>  **sexual content:** oral sex, bdsm-elements, a walkthrough the dungeon basically

“Renji, man, you gotta get your head out of your ass and pay attention. We can’t get through a damned thing if all you do is wander off into your own thoughts.” Kaien stands up from behind his drum set, shoving his drumsticks into his back pocket. “I’m not here to fuck up my arms if we’re not going to make any headway on this set.”

Sighing, Kira shrugs his strap off of his shoulder, setting his guitar down in its stand as he sits down on top of his amp. “Renji, seriously, I know you guys are settling in with having a kid, but if you weren’t in the mood to come in and sing, then you just shouldn’t have.”

“Something’s up with you,” Nel says, crossing her arms over her chest. “What is it?”

Combing a hand through his hair, Renji sits down on the stool behind his microphone stand, setting the mic back in the holder and resting his forearms on his thighs as he stares down at the floor. His band mates would have picked up on what was going on sooner or later and he knows this, but after getting through a few sets with no problems, it looks like reality is finally catching up with him. Zabimaru is poised to take a step in the right direction finally, and here he is potentially fucking it all up because what used to be an incredible release for him is now just making him think way too hard about everything.

Nel’s hand lands on his shoulder. “Renji, if you need to go home for any reason—”

“It’s not that.” Renji adjusts his mic stand, needing something to do with his hands. “It’s just, Byakuya hired Ulquiorra’s ex-girlfriend to babysit Rukia.”

“Orihime,” Nel says, and Renji tilts his head to look at her, raising an eyebrow, but he figures that Grimmjow might have mentioned her once or twice. After all, Nel is still working with Grimmjow at the gym, and it shows in the visible definition in her upper arms. “Did he do it on purpose? Why would he do that?”

_ Good question,  _ Renji thinks. “I mean, we talked about it after Sosuke went to bed, and it looks like she might be good for the job, but. I mean. She’s watching her now, so.”

“What’s the big deal? You guys aren’t seeing Grimmjow and Ulquiorra anymore, so does it matter who Byakuya hires?” Hisagi asks, sitting down on his stool as well, unplugging his amp so he can tune his bass guitar, fingers picking carefully at the strings.

Renji shakes his head. It  _ shouldn’t _ matter, so he has no idea why it keeps bothering him so much. “I know Byakuya’s a great judge of character and he’d never hire someone who wasn’t going to do their best for Rukia in all ways. I mean, that little girl has changed his life for the better, but just… I dunno, man. It feels like it was the wrong thing to do.”

“You think you owe Ulquiorra your loyalty even though he and Grimmjow broke up with you guys,” Kira says thoughtfully. “I mean, I get it, but also, that’s really stupid.”

Nel nods, squeezing his shoulder hard enough that Renji winces. Does she even know her own strength anymore? What the hell has Grimmjow been teaching her that she can squeeze his arm this hard? “I’m with Kira on this. You guys aren’t with them anymore, and if Orihime’s the one who can take care of Rukia best with no problems, then yeah, Byakuya should have hired her. Why would you settle for less for your daughter?”

“No, I get it,” Kaien says, picking up a bottle of water out of the cooler and coming to sit on the floor next to Renji’s stool. “You’re still hung up on them, aren’t you?”

“Shut up,” Renji mutters. “I mean, I can’t be  _ hung up _ on them. It was barely any time at all and it’s not like we did a whole lot together. I mean, we did some shit, but—”

One teal brow shoots up at him as Nel pulls her stool up to sit next to Renji’s. “But you’re still hung up on them. I can tell Sosuke is too every time you play one of their songs.”

“I’d drop them from the setlist, but.” But the fans love those songs, and Kira loves the riff he plays on Ulquiorra’s in particular, so it seems like dropping them altogether is hardly going to get them anywhere even if Sosuke winces every time he listens to them.

“But they’re great,” Hisagi says, and Renji nods because, well,  _ they are. _ “Speaking of Sosuke, what the fuck happened between him and Shinji? Because he turned in his resignation and he’s been sleeping in our guest room since then, so—”

“He’s been  _ what? _ ” Renji turns toward him. “Did you just say he’s sleeping at your place?”

Hisagi nods like this is old news, and maybe it is for him at this point. “Yeah, he came out of Sosuke’s room in tears and he turned in his resignation the next day. Typed it up on my laptop and everything. I had to help him. Whatever happened, it must have been bad.”

“I only got the details the next morning when Sosuke wasn’t crying about it anymore. Apparently he went in to check on Shinji since he’s not been doing so well since, like, I guess for a while now.” Renji doesn’t know the finer details even though he probably should, but he always trusted Byakuya and Sosuke to handle Las Noches when it came right down to it. How could he not know? “And Shinji told him that he and Ulquiorra talked about Ulquiorra and Grimmjow leaving us. I guess Shinji told him that he should.”

Kira hums thoughtfully, picking at the strings of his guitar. “So? He was right. The five of you weren’t going to work out if those two didn’t want kids to begin with.”

“That’s why Shinji was so upset I guess,” Hisagi muses, finally setting his bass down. “Kensei’s been letting him stay over and he mostly just mopes in his room and cries and comes out to eat. I guess that friendship breaking up was hard on him after all.”

Renji sighs, combing a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I guess so. This is a huge fucking mess. I wish it hadn’t gotten this bad but I don’t know what to do about it, you know?”

“There isn’t anything you can do about it, idiot. This has nothing to do with you. None of it.” Nel rolls her eyes at him. “Don’t you get it, Ren? Yeah, the relationship fell through. That sucks. Not your fault, though, it was just you couldn’t come to an agreement on kids. The thing with Sosuke and Shinji isn’t your fault either. There’s nothing you can do but make your peace with it and live your life. This is all out of your control.”

Hisagi flicks a guitar pick at her, and she catches it in one hand, barely shifting her attention. “Nel, life is easier on you. You’ve got the one girlfriend—”

“I do not have  _ the one girlfriend, _ ” Nel corrects automatically. “I have Halibel, and she has  _ three _ other girlfriends, so I have that to think about. Thank you very much.”

Kira raises an eyebrow at her. “Since when does Halibel have girlfriends? I thought she just slept freely with most of the women at Las Noches.”

“Nah, see, Hal got more serious after Nel came around, and then there was this whole thing between her, Apacci, Mila Rose, and Sung-Sun,” Kaien corrects, spinning his bottle cap on its side. “So that’s that, and then Nel fits into the picture—”

“Okay, okay.” Hisagi waves his hands through the air. “My mistake. But that also proves my point. It’s not easy to just tell yourself it’s not up to you and let it go.”

Renji nods, tapping his foot against the bottom of his microphone stand. “Exactly.”

“Like, I know I can’t do anything about what’s going on with Shinji and I can’t just magically fix whatever happened between him and Kensei in the past, and like, none of that includes me.” Hisagi lapses into unhappy silence for a minute and Renji looks over his shoulder at him, wondering when everyone else’s lives became so complicated. “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to do something about it. I want to be able to fix things if I can.”

Kira plucks at a string on his guitar. “Yeah, like… Things with Ran and Gin were weird at first. They had this history together. I felt like I was encroaching on it or something. When they’d have little spats and stuff, I just… I wanted to do something about it.”

“Can’t say I know what that’s about.” Kaien stretches his legs out, grunting as he flexes his hamstring muscles. “Things with Shunsui and Jushiro fucking rock. I thought I’d feel like some kind of weird sugar baby or something sleeping with two older married men but like, it’s pretty awesome. They don’t really fight that much? But God, I just love being able to do shit for Jushiro. He needs it nice and slow and I can give it to him.”

Nel throws Hisagi’s guitar pick at him, nailing him on the cheek. “Shut up. We aren’t talking about your sex life. Go brag about it to someone who cares about it.”

“We were all talking about things, okay, it’s fine.” Kaien picks the guitar pick up, tapping the edge of it with one finger. “Otherwise, I mean, yeah, I can understand. Kyoraku has a niece my age, that’s awkward? I feel weird about that even though it’s got nothing to do with me. So like, what do you do? There’s no real way to ignore it.”

“That’s fair,” Nel admits before leaning forward, punching Renji in the shoulder. “But anyway, stop being weird about things. You can’t do anything about it. Just make sure that everyone is as happy as they could be and you’ll have to move on from there. Be a good dad to Rukia, be a good boyfriend. That’s all you can really do.”

Renji nods, curling the ends of his hair around his fingers as he stares off into the distance. “I feel like I wasn’t a good enough boyfriend for Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. I stormed off. I didn’t talk to them. I didn’t even say goodbye to them, and now I’m one-third of the people employing the girl who helped fuck Ulquiorra up.”

“Oh.” Nel folds one of her legs up under herself, adjusting her guitar on her lap. “Well, if you want, I can pass that on to Grimmjow. He didn’t talk much about the breakup, so I don’t really know what his feelings on it were. He just talks about Ulquiorra doing better.”

“He’s doing better?” Renji turns to face Nel, and she smiles and gives him a firm nod that does something to ease the worry in his soul. “That’s… That’s amazing. I’m so glad.”

Her smile turns softer, sympathetic. “You were worried about Ulqui-chan?”

“Yes. I mean, of course I am. I saw how awful he looked when we were talking about what happened with Orihime, and like… How could I not worry?” He still feels awful about just. He just left the room. He turned his back on trying to make things work and let them walk away, and no part of him can ever be  _ okay _ with that. How much effort did he put into wooing Sosuke? How much effort did he put into making Byakuya see him as more than just a sex partner at Las Noches? And he just  _ let them walk away. _

“Well, he’s been seeing a therapist regularly and taking antidepressants, and he’s been painting more and he takes walks with Grimmjow when the weather is nice.” Nel swings her legs back and forth, her toes barely skimming the floor. “So, nothing to worry about with him. Do you want me to tell Grimmjow that you’d like a chance to talk to him?”

Kaien makes a noise. “Ren, think that through before you answer. What are Byakuya and Sosuke going to say if you go to talk to them? They gonna be cool with that?”

“It doesn’t matter what they say,” Hisagi interjects, and Renji looks at him, surprised. “I’m serious. It’s a conversation. You never promised never to speak to them again, so you don’t have to worry about it. If they get mad, it’s not fair, and you can call them on it.”

“God, everyone shut up for a minute.” Kira sets his guitar down and stands, planting his hand firmly on Renji’s shoulders. “Renji, listen, if you want to talk to them, you can. It’s just talking like Shuhei said. If Byakuya can hire Orihime, then you can talk to Ulquiorra and Grimmjow. You obviously need closure, so feel free to go get it.”

Nel smiles proudly and nods, tucking a strand of hair back behind her ear. “That’s what I think. So I’ll tell Grimm that you want to talk to him.”

“Thanks. I just… I really feel bad about not telling them how much I cared about them and trying to get them to stay. Or even telling them I’d miss them.” Renji shakes his head; it’s been a long few months for him, and nothing is going to make it automatically easier.

“Talking things out could make it easier or worse depending on what you’d get out of it, but it’s worth a try.” Nel stands and gives herself a little shake, adjusting her guitar strap back up on her shoulder. “So do me a favor and get your head where it’s supposed to be so we can get through this set. I want to do good at our next gig, but we’re going to bomb if you keep this shit up. You wanted to get to Las Noches tonight, right?”

Renji scoffs at her. “Yeah, like the rest of you aren’t dying to go, too.”

“Exactly,” Kira says, patting him on the back. “Now shut the hell up and sing already.”

The prospect of speaking to Grimmjow and Ulquiorra again makes it easier for Renji to put everything in the back of his mind and focus on singing, and the rest of Zabimaru looks a lot happier with him by the time they pack up their instruments for the evening. He bids them farewell and points his car in the direction of Las Noches, knowing the rest of them will eventually catch up with him. All of them will head down to the dungeon almost as soon as they walk through the door to hook up with their various partners.

Renji signs off in the book with Menoly upfront and heads downstairs, unsurprised to see plenty of activity in full swing this evening. Byakuya has Rukia tonight, promising to watch her and insistent that it would be good for both Sosuke and Renji if they spent some time with one another. Sosuke is waiting at the bar for him, chatting with Ashido behind the bar while he waits, looking ridiculously handsome in his nice white jeans and his black button-down. The monochrome colors always bring out the warmth of his brown eyes.

“Sir,” Renji greets him, grinning when Sosuke turns a warm, beautiful smile on him. “Sorry to keep you waiting, we had a few snags at practice. You look gorgeous this evening.”

Sosuke smiles sunnily up at him and stretches a hand up to curl his fingers in the leather collar Renji buckled on in the car before coming inside. “Thank you, sub. You may kneel at my feet while I finish my conversation with Ashido.”

“Yes, Sir.” Renji tilts his head so he can press a kiss to Sosuke’s forearm before he kneels down, pressing his cheek against Sosuke’s calf with a small smile. “To please you, Sir.”

“You’re very pleasing, sub.” Sosuke’s fingers comb through his ponytail and Renji lets him, his eyes falling shut at the familiar and gentle touch, the way it raises a flush under his skin.

Submission comes naturally; his brain shuts off the longer he knees at Sosuke’s feet, listening to the soft timber of his voice as he speaks to Ashido, enjoying the drink set at his elbow. Every so often, his hand slips down and curls in Renji’s hair, a subtle reminder that he hasn’t forgotten about him even though the conversation is far away from anything involving him. He likes to listen to Sosuke speak, enjoys the way the sound of his voice rolls down his spine in slow strokes like the soft bristles of a calligraphy brush.

It makes sense. Calligraphy is one of Sosuke’s many latent talents.

When Sosuke’s fingers curl in his hair and tug gently, Renji lifts his head further to meet his Dom’s eyes, every muscle in his body relaxed so much that moving at all feels like a difficult measure. But he is rewarded with Sosuke’s soft smile and it makes his stomach toss and turn in only the best ways, his lips stretching into a smile to match Sosuke’s own. Being able to put a smile on this man’s face makes everything else feel so worth it.

“It’s nice to have you all to myself tonight.” Sosuke shifts, propping up one foot on Renji’s shoulder, denim rasping gently against the side of Renji’s neck. “I feel so privileged. It isn’t often that Byakuya grants me such a lovely present such as this.”

Saying nothing feels wrong in this moment. “I feel privileged to have you all to myself tonight, too, Sir. It gives me a chance to show you how much I love you.”

The blush that heats Sosuke’s cheeks makes Renji squirm in answer, his smile turning into something soft and blissful. “Thank you for such sweet words, sub.”

“Of course, Sir.” Being kind to Sosuke was second nature even before Renji considered himself to be Sosuke’s submissive as well. “How was your day at work, Sir?”

“The usual. Nothing really special happened, nothing really difficult. It was a rather relaxing day.” Sosuke finishes his drink and stands, and Renji’s hands tremble with excitement when Sosuke curls a finger in his collar and tugs, drawing him up to his feet. “However, knowing that we were going to be spending the evening together perhaps got me a little keyed up. You’re going to take the edge off before we play together.”

Renji’s fingers twitch at the thought and he nods, holding still while Sosuke clips a familiar leash to the collar, wrapping the soft leather around his fingers. “Whatever you desire is my duty to fulfill, Sir. Are we going back to the bedroom to do this?”

“No, actually.” Sosuke smiles at Renji over his shoulder and tugs him toward the other side of the room, toward the line of couches against the wall. “We’ll just do it on the floor.”

This would be a first. Renji has seen Sosuke onstage with other submissives in the past, but for the duration of it, Sosuke usually kept his clothing on, and he keeps his pants on when it comes to the dungeon floor. Part of establishing Las Noches was to ensure there was an atmosphere that welcomed LGBT individuals of all shapes and sizes so that everyone could be comfortable, but Sosuke’s personal comfort was another matter entirely. Renji has learned to simply let him lead, to always ask questions and follow his directions so that he was always satisfied and never made to feel uncomfortable.

Sosuke picks out a spot on a couch and sits down; Renji can see Kaien out of the corner of his eye and wonders if the others are here already. Kaien is on his knees in front of Ukitake, servicing the older man with his mouth while Kyoraku grips his husband’s chin and no doubt whispers everything filthy he can think up into his ear.

“They make a pretty picture, don’t they?” Sosuke asks, and Renji startles at his words, turning to see him looking at them. “Not much different than the three of us, hmm?”

“Not in the grand scheme of things, Sir,” Renji agrees. “How would you like me to take the edge off for you, Sir? What would you like me to do for you?”

Humming, Sosuke leans back into the soft leather and lifts one long leg, draping it over Renji’s shoulder. “Why don’t you pull my jeans down and use your mouth and fingers? The same as Kaien is doing for Ukitake this evening.”

_ Fuck. _ Renji nods and tilts his head, brushing his lips along Sosuke’s denim-covered calf. “Of course, Sir. Anything that would please you, Sir.”

“Very good, sub.” Sosuke sighs, wrapping Renji’s ponytail around his fingers and dragging Renji’s head right up between his thighs. “You can use your mouth to open my fly.”

_ Oh. _ Renji has done this before and is careful now, teeth tugging at the denim, popping the button free before nosing out the zipper so he can pull that down with his teeth too. The scent of arousal hits him not long after and his brain threatens to short circuit when he realizes Sosuke isn’t wearing underwear beneath the jeans, his hands almost shaking where they’re gripping his own jeans to keep from wandering and getting himself in trouble. Sosuke has probably been grinding down against that seam, waiting for Renji to show up—

Best not to let his mind wander too far. Instead, he presses his nose into the part in the denim, brushing it over the trimmed hair on Sosuke’s mound, breathing hot against his skin.

“You can use your hands now, sub,” Sosuke says, his voice already a little breathless.

_ Score. _ Renji knows to be careful with his hands, helping Sosuke out of the jeans, pulling them down to his ankles and leaving them there because he wasn’t asked to take them off. It gives him enough room to kneel properly between Sosuke’s spread thighs, kissing along the inside of one as reverently as he can. Sosuke has such soft skin and the little sighs leaving his lips reach Renji’s ears over the sound of the music pumping through the speakers, the sounds of Las Noches around them. It’s all Sosuke for just a moment, his world narrowed down to the man looking at him through lidded brown eyes.

He wants to give Sosuke everything he can and more, so he shifts forward, trailing his reverent kisses higher along Sosuke’s thigh until he can feel the heat of Sosuke’s groin against his cheek. The hand in his hair tightens and he takes the hint, turning his head, pressing a kiss over Sosuke’s slick slit and drinking in the way Sosuke moans for him.

_ There it is, _ he thinks, peeking up at Sosuke through the hair slipping from his ponytail and falling into his eyes. Sosuke’s head has fallen back, the long line of his throat vibrating with all of the little noises that leave his lips. When he makes these sounds and looks like this, it takes everything Renji has within him to stay calm and not just take him apart.

But Sosuke likes it slow, so Renji takes it slow. He mouths kisses against Sosuke’s labia, tongue lapping up the smear of moisture there from just how wet he is. The scent of Sosuke’s arousal makes his cock twitch and Renji pushes a hand down against it more to keep it under control than trying to take any pleasure from this act. He wants this to be all for the man who trusts him to do this for him, all for the man who quivers at his touch.

“Sir?” His voice is thick to his own ears and Sosuke slowly picks his head up, brows furrowed as he meets Renji’s eyes. “Am I allowed to touch you, Sir?”

Sosuke’s eyes soften, and he nods once. “Yes, sub. You are allowed to touch this evening.”

“Thank you, Sir.” And Renji ducks his head back down to get to work.

He plants his hands on the insides of Sosuke’s thighs, thumbs stroking along the insides of them as he laps at Sosuke’s wet skin. Though Renji had plenty of experience with oral sex from previous relationships and the sheer amount of times Byakuya sat on his face with the intent of smothering him, eating Sosuke out always tests his patience because Sosuke likes a slow build, teasing higher toward an orgasm. So Renji has to go slow when he’d prefer to just bury his face and give Sosuke everything he has without stopping.

“That’s wonderful,” Sosuke murmurs, arching up toward his mouth. “More, sub.”

_ Permission. _ Renji parts Sosuke’s folds with his tongue, brushing it over the source of all that wetness, his cock jumping when the slick muscle of Sosuke’s entrance flutters under the gentle pressure of his tongue. Not yet, not quite. He licks higher, following the velvety seam to Sosuke’s clit. It’s already hard and slick and he sucks it carefully, Sosuke’s thighs flexing under his hands, fingers tightening in his hair.

Renji nudges the hood back with the tip of his tongue, stroking over the sensitive nerves there until Sosuke’s thighs tremble from too much stimulation too soon. Then he backs up, tongue tracing a circle around it before dipping down into his entrance. He’s so wet that Renji can feel it smearing over his chin and the bottom of his cheeks and he shudders at the thought of being covered in Sosuke’s wetness, of the others being able to see it on him.

Let them. He belongs to Sosuke. He has zero shame where Sosuke’s pleasure is concerned.

He slides his hands under Sosuke’s thighs and pulls him closer to the edge of the couch, then cups a hand over Sosuke’s mound, fingers smoothing through the short hairs and down to where he’s hot and wet, stroking over his clit in careful little circles. Renji doesn’t press too hard, a light and teasing touch to match where his tongue carefully curls and thrusts inside of Sosuke. His fingers make little wet sounds on Sosuke’s skin; his cock  _ aches _ with it.

“Renji,” Sosuke says, his voice low and husky as he tightens around Renji’s tongue. “I’m—”

Instead of responding, Renji hums against him, enjoying the way Sosuke cries out for him, spasming against him, gushing wet against Renji’s tongue and rubbing up against his fingers until the stimulation is too much. And then he still doesn’t back off, little hiccuping noises leaving his throat as Renji pushes him through the onslaught of pleasure and into another orgasm before he has a chance to breathe. This time he cries out loudly and Renji’s hand bites down on his thigh to keep him from sliding off of the couch.

The hand in his hair slips down to push at his forehead and Renji leans back, panting harshly, tongue dragging around his mouth to lick up the taste of Sosuke’s orgasm. The man himself is panting, flushed and disheveled, his hair falling out of the careful bun it’s been twisted up into for the evening. Renji looks up at him, taking in the sight of him so taken apart, and leans in to plant one soft kiss against his mound.

“Thank you, sub,” Sosuke says, voice soft and throaty as he stops to catch his breath. “That was exactly what I needed. You always please me.”

Renji smiles up at him, the words gathering warm in his chest. “I’m glad to, Sir.”

The sound of soft cries nearby has Renji tilting his head to see Kaien’s dark head bowed between Ukitake’s thighs, moving intently there as Ukitake writhes up toward his mouth. Kyoraku has one arm wrapped tight around Ukitake’s waist, keeping him as still as possible and Renji can almost  _ hear _ the low, husky purr of the man’s voice as he whispers in his husband’s ear. Kyoraku’s free hand grips Ukitake’s jaw, tilting his head for occasional kisses but mostly it’s just to hold him right where he wants him to whisper to him.

Every time Ukitake tries to surge up into Kaien’s mouth, Kyoraku’s arm flexes, tightening around his waist, keeping him pinned down. Making sure he can’t exert himself too much, making sure that all of his pleasure is gleaned from Kaien’s actions alone. And if Renji’s eyes aren’t deceiving him, he can see one of Kaien’s hands tucked between Ukitake’s thighs, probably fingering him open in time with the rhythm of his sucking.

Even Sosuke seems rapt on the scene, his breath held as he gazes at them, so Renji feels less bad about staring. Even when Ukitake lets out one final, shuddering little cry, arching up against Kyoraku’s hold, Renji stares. Watches his body tremble and twitch, watches Kaien’s head still as he no doubt swallows. It’s only when Kaien leans back that Renji jerks his head away, trying to ignore the twitching in his jeans.

“Dinner and a show,” Sosuke muses, and Renji makes a choked noise in his throat. “Clean me up and help me back into my jeans, sub. I’m quite tired out from your work.”

That has Renji grinning and leaning in, quickly licking the excess wetness off of Sosuke’s folds and thighs before helping him back into his jeans. He’ll likely be rewarded for that, but it’s second to being able to please Sosuke this evening, second just to being close to him and being able to drink in his gentle direction and his pleasure.

Sosuke rises to his feet and Renji waits until the leash tugs at his throat before standing himself, his knees weak when Sosuke aims a warm smile up at him. From here, Renji can see where the rest of his band mates are and Sosuke… Leads him in the direction of Kyoraku and Ukitake, which makes Renji’s heart hammer harder against his ribs.

In the time it must have taken him to rinse his mouth out with water, Kaien has moved on to kneeling between Kyoraku’s legs, hands braced on his thighs, fingers sifting through the hair there as he bobs his head in slow, smooth movements. One hand cups the back of Kaien’s head but it looks like it’s more for touch than anything else, Kyoraku sighing in pleasure as he lets Kaien do as he wants. Renji’s throat would have been ravaged by this point but Kaien is… Just bobbing his head, slurping wetly around Kyoraku’s cock.

“What a lovely sight,” Sosuke croons, and Renji’s face flushes at the way his Dom addresses another sub, especially someone who is one of his closest friends. “How does his mouth feel, Ukitake-san? You put on quite the intense performance.”

Ukitake laughs, head leaning back against the couch, using one fair hand to fan his flushed face. “His mouth is lovely, Sosuke-san, though I can hardly take all of the credit. You put on quite a show yourself just now, one that none of us have ever been privy to before.”

“Oh?” Sosuke has the good grace to blush. “I hoped it was worth the long wait.”

Kyoraku’s head lolls forward and his lips curve up into a devilish smile. “You have no idea. Don’t make us wait so long for the encore.” But the words come out in a breathy sigh and Kaien does  _ something _ that ends the sentence in a high-pitched little whine.

“I’ll keep that in mind the next time we have a performance night,” Sosuke murmurs.

Renji should realize there is a method to this madness right then and there, but his brain is hardly connected in all of the right ways at the moment, so he thinks little of it when they end up walking past Kensei and Hisagi. Hisagi is on his feet, cuffed against one of the walls, his wrists held high over his head so that he has to stand on his toes to avoid stretching his shoulders too far. Kensei prowls behind him like a hungry predator, riding crop in hand, his eyes fixed on the broad plane of Hisagi’s back.

There are little pink marks on his back where the crop has kissed his skin.

“Has he been unruly this evening, or is this fun and not punishment?” Sosuke asks, his eyes darting up and down Hisagi’s body while Renji watches Kensei land another hit on Hisagi’s back, low and just above the waistband of his jeans.

“Pleasure, not punishment,” Kensei confirms. “It helps him get into the right headspace. Looks good all tied up, though, doesn’t he? I told him I should keep him like this.”

Sosuke clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth and leans closer; Renji has to take a step toward him to keep the collar from pulling uncomfortably at his throat. “You should, but naked. Let everyone look at the exceptional body that he blushes about revealing.”

“There’s a thought.” Kensei shifts toward Sosuke, and now his face is apologetic. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for Shinji to your face. I’m… More aware of what happened now. And just in case you were worried about him, he’s staying with me for now.”

Renji presses himself against Sosuke’s side, his throat nearly shutting at the mention of Shinji’s name, but Sosuke only smiles once and nods. “That’s good. Take care of him for me.”

The mention of Shinji doesn’t appear to have ruined Sosuke’s good mood. Instead, he leads Renji over to where Gin and Rangiku have Kira bent over a spanking bench, taking turns in who lands the hits against his bare ass. Though Kira has always been easily embarrassed and quick to hide, he lets his Dominants display his body without any shame.

Gin rubs a hand over Kira’s ass until the younger man keens softly, his head swinging in Sosuke’s direction before they’re even  _ close, _ like he can sense him. “Sosuke, nice to have you coming to visit our little game. Are you looking to join in? Izuru will let you.”

“Not this time, Gin,” Sosuke says, and Gin only smiles wickedly as he straightens, taking a step out of the way for Rangiku to take over. Her breasts wobble on top of a black corset that looks like it’s  _ barely _ holding them in, but it holds up when she slaps Kira’s ass hard enough to make him moan. “You look to be in good spirits this evening.”

“I always am.” Gin is greedy and unafraid to touch; his arm slides around Sosuke’s waist, pulling him forward so he can plant a loud, obnoxious, wet kiss on his lips.

If Sosuke has ever minded Gin’s attention, he certainly doesn’t show it. Instead, the hand not holding Renji’s leash rises to cup the back of Gin’s neck, goading his actions on. Clever hands slip under the bottom of Sosuke’s shirt and only then does Sosuke’s hand flex on Gin’s neck, a silent warning that has Gin’s hands coming to curl around his waist.

“I swear you’re no fun sometimes,” Gin says, running his nose along Sosuke’s cheek.

Sosuke chuckles softly. “I’ll come play with just you soon, Gin. Just the two of us. Wouldn’t you like that?”

“I’d  _ love _ it,” Gin murmurs. “I’ll make it worth your while, too.”

The last stop on the way to the bedroom is Nelliel, suspended above the ground in one of the three pig slings in the room, her ankles fitted through the stirrup straps and her hands gripping the metal rings attached to the top of the sling. Entirely naked, the position leaves her completely exposed to the three women circling her like vultures, their hands darting out to caress her naked body. Mila Rose cups her breasts and squeezes until Nel throws her head back while Sung-Sun runs a hand over her glistening, exposed pussy.

Halibel sits in a chair not far from the scene, enjoying a glass of wine. “Sosuke, how are you this evening? I see you’re here, but the lovely Byakuya is not.”

“Not this evening,” Sosuke agrees. “I’ve got Renji all to myself. I see you’ve invited a familiar trio to this gathering. I don’t think I’ve seen your girls with Nelliel before.”

“It’s an experiment,” Halibel murmurs, her deep voice so much like velvet, her aqua eyes fixed on the scene in front of her. “If they play well together, we’ll go from there. I take it you are about to retire to your private room for the evening?”

Sosuke nods. “If you need me, you know where to find me.”

“Of course.” Halibel rises with her glass in hand, circling around to stand by Nel’s head, offering her a sip of wine. “Don’t spill on yourself now, darling.”

“Thank you, Miss,” Nel manages before moaning loudly, Apacci’s and Mila Rose’s bowed heads over her chest no doubt the cause of her sudden pleasure.

Sosuke gives Renji’s leash a tug and Renji dutifully follows him down the hallway, silently praying that after a show like that, Sosuke lets him take his jeans off soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was! a long chapter


	6. tension and a chance to de-stress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** nothing but innuendo

To say Bazz-B is bummed out would be the understatement of the century.

He leans his back against the wall, opening the pack of cigarettes he keeps in his back pocket and lighting one while Yumichika sits down on his stool and sighs, wiping sweat off of his forehead with a handkerchief that was probably ten times as expensive as any of the albums they have released except the anniversary box set. It’s rare these days for the two of them to end up using the studio Bazz installed in his house when he bought it, having no other real purpose for the basement. What shit was he going to store down there when he’d had two bags full of clothes when he bought the place? But Nozarashi is famous, and the studio at Kenpachi’s place is a lot better than Bazz’s.

Not that dealing with Kenpachi these days is easy. So they end up in Bazz’s studio after fucking around his house got them absolutely nowhere. Using the pool seemed like a good idea with the heat, but neither of them wanted to bother changing or going outside, and they’d tried to  _ play _ pool, but their hearts were hardly in it. Coming downstairs and working in the studio seemed like it might do something with all of the restless energy, and it had. Bazz’s shoulders are pleasantly sore, which is better than nothing.

Not that it does much to quell the sigh that he exhales through his nose when he checks his phone and finds that he has no missed texts or calls.

“Still nothing?” Yumichika asks him, shoving his handkerchief back in his pocket. “You can just call them if you want to see them, Bazz. They aren’t going to judge you for it.”

“Nah. I know they’re both busy these days, feels like I’m bothering them when it’s always me showing up or calling or whatever. Like, nice guys aren’t gonna turn me down.” And maybe he’s getting tired of feeling generally unwanted by multiple people in his life.

Yumichika shrugs. “I’m sure it’s not that they’re bothered by you, man. Last I checked, they both really liked you. You guys done  _ anything _ since that night at Las Noches?”

The way Yumichika wiggles his eyebrows has Bazz narrowing his eyes. “Why do you care?”

“I was just curious. Sue me. They’re pretty, and maybe I’m a tiny bit jealous.” Yumichika runs a hand through his hair, tousling it further when he’d usually lose his mind if a single strand slipped out of place. “I’m still waiting for you to end up skipping an interview. You’ve been such a good boy about appearances lately that part of me thought it was discipline.”

“Telling you anything was a mistake. And it was never for that, it was just… You know Byakuya’s still pissed at me about things, so I’m trying to give him as little ammo as possible.” The fact Bazz did absolutely nothing to cause the breakup is besides the point; he knows why Byakuya is pissed at him, which is why he just lets it go.

Yumichika eyes him. “Kenpachi still mad at you about Las Noches, too?”

“You know he is. Mostly ‘cause I refuse to apologize, but I still hold I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m tired of caring about my  _ image _ instead of just me.” He taps a drumstick against his leg, bouncing the end off of the tight denim of his jeans, worn thin in places from use. “He said if I didn’t care about the band’s image, I could just quit. It was harsh.”

“He said the same thing to me and it took every ounce of my willpower to remind him that me leaving meant Nozarashi would lose another vocalist.” Yumichika smirks, but his eyes are tired, and Bazz gets it. Everything is wearing on him, too.

Dully, Bazz grins. “Can you imagine what happened if we both quit? They’d have to get a drummer and a singer to cover us. Losing Retsu almost fucked us up the first time.”

“I mean, you know.” Yumichika levels him with a look. “Wasn’t one of your only real big requests that we didn’t have to tour with Sternritter again if we could avoid it? And it looks like it’s going to end up happening whether you like it or not.”

“Yeah.” Sternritter’s new album had been a massive success across most of Europe and was charting in Japan, and that meant bad things for international touring. Musical festivals were one thing; Bazz can handle those. “I just don’t want to see Jugo again, but if we tour with ‘em I’ll just. Fucking. Stay on the bus or something. I don’t know.”

When Yumichika smiles, it’s noticeably sad. “Remember when we used to cause trouble and drink together and no one cared? I’m really starting to miss those days.”

“Me too. I’m thinking about, I dunno. Taking a break and going back home to Germany for a while, just visiting the family that still speaks to me or maybe getting a hotel room and just relaxing. Away from all this.” He makes a vague gesture with one hand, hoping that Yumichika understands what he means. Not sure if he could explain it otherwise.

“You could do that! Send me lots of pictures and tell me everything you see there and everyone you talk to.” Yumichika swings his legs back and forth. “I’m thinking about traveling for a bit, actually. I’m just… I love singing, and I love Nozarashi, but Kenpachi’s mad at me and I think I fucked up things with Ikkaku, too, so—”

Bazz frowns. “What happened between you and Ikkaku? I don’t remember you mentioning that something went down between you. But now that you mention it, last time I saw the two of you talking, he kinda brushed you off. When did you two have a fight?”

“It wasn’t really a fight. It was more like…” Yumichika shakes his head and stands, retrieving a water bottle from Bazz’s mini fridge just outside of the studio room, hovering in the doorway. “It was more like I fucked up and hit on him, y’know.”

That explains more things than Bazz wants to think about. “I didn’t know you were into him? You’ve never hit on him in front of me. You used to hit on Kenpachi.”

“Yeah. Yeah I did.” Yumichika laughs, but the sound is off. “God, I was drunk. I just… I was lonely? I’ve been into Ikkaku kind of quietly and on the side for a while now, just never did anything meaningful about it. Maybe I should have. If I wasn’t drunk, maybe he would’ve taken me seriously. But he took it as an insult and just moved on.”

“Shit. That sucks.” Bazz tosses his drumstick at his cymbal, unsurprised when it misses. “Maybe we should just quit Nozarashi. Maybe that’s a good idea that this point.”

It would almost be guaranteed better than how disappointed Kenpachi is when he looks at them. Bazz has  _ never _ wanted to go back home to Germany in his life. Until now.

Before Yumichika has time to respond, Bazz’s phone rings and Yumichika gestures that he’s going upstairs to piss, so Bazz waves him off and picks up his phone. The name on the screen sends a slight chill through his gut, and he almost lets it go to voicemail, but in the end he acts like an adult and answers his manager’s phone call. Byakuya would hardly call him over anything other than business, after all. At least, certainly these days.

_ “Sosuke told me that there were some issues this morning.” _ Byakuya’s voice is smooth, cool, and detached. Perfectly professional, and God does that hurt.  _ “Want to tell me your side?” _

Does it even fucking matter what his side of the story was anymore? “Yeah, sorry about that. Shouldn’t check my Twitter notifications, shouldn’t argue with fans, definitely shouldn’t call fans names even if they say sideways shit. I know. I’m really sorry.”

Byakuya is silent for a moment.  _ “Okay. I’m just making sure we don’t have to talk about it.” _

_ By fucking calling me to talk about it? _ “It won’t happen again. I’ll be more careful next time, just not check the notifications at all if they aren’t from verified accounts.”

_ “I’m glad to hear it.” _ Byakuya’s tone shifts slightly and Bazz frowns.  _ “Since the weather’s been nice, Renji wants to barbeque. I do believe most of Zabimaru will be coming to the house, and I’m extending the invitation to Nozarashi as well. Do you want to come?” _

“When’s he doing that?” The last thing Bazz wants to do is go to that house.

_ “This weekend. Of course, if you have plans, I wouldn’t presume that you should cancel them to come over.” _ The subtle out is right there; all Bazz has to do is take it.

“Oh, I wish I could, but I’m really busy. Working on new material and I’ve finally made a huge breakthrough. I can pass the message onto Yumi if you want me to. He’s over right now helping me work.” If he’s at home working, Byakuya has no reason to get mad.

A beat.  _ “That would be nice, thank you. Have a lovely day, Bazz.” _

“Same, Byakuya. Thanks for the offer.” When he hangs up, a wave of calm washes over him.

Dodging Byakuya like this is stupid, and an adult would just talk about the elephant in the room, have the conversation, and move on with his life. But that would be astoundingly difficult in a situation as sensitive as this one, so Bazz just lets things continue as they are with the thought that if Byakuya cared much about their eroding relationship, something would be done about it. Kenpachi would have sat him down by now and discussed things with him, asked him about what was going on, tell him to get over himself and rectify the situation before he ends up losing a good friend. But he hasn’t, so fuck that.

With Yumichika out of the room, Bazz ends up opening Instagram for something to do, firing off a quick selfie he doesn’t really feel, captioning it that he’s working in the studio with a special someone on new music. Then he scrolls through his photo gallery to all of the shots of him alongside Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, or him with just one of them. The amount is startlingly large, but fuck it, he wants to have the memories.

Acting like they’ve both  _ died _ or something is dramatic, but fuck, he misses them. He’s more than a little lovesick and not even close to doing anything about it.

Why would he? Why would anyone? Ulquiorra is feeling better, Grimmjow is happy, and Bazz doesn’t want to disrupt that and try to tempt them back into a type of relationship that now has a shitty, unhappy memory attached to it. He really thought he could cope with just being a friend to both of them until his heart absolutely betrayed him.

Yumichika bounces back downstairs and back into the studio. “So who was on the phone?”

“Byakuya was.” Bazz picks up his drumsticks properly, rubs a thumb over the logo printed into the wood. “Wanna sing some more? Kind of restless all over again.”

“What did Byakuya want?” Yumichika tries to keep his voice light and casual.

“Renji’s barbecuing and he asked if I wanted to come. I told him I’d extend the invitation since you’re over here working.” Bazz points a stick at Yumichika. “Do you wanna go?”

To call the expression on Yumichika’s face  _ strained _ would be polite. “Oh honey, I’ll pass. He’s probably just doing it to be nice, and we both know I’m not one of the people he wants to see right now. Let’s warm up— Actually, what song should we even warm up with?”

“You pick,” Bazz says, and they end up with “Azure” because of course they do.

There are few things Bazz cares about more in this world than drumming. He’s been praised for it, and he likes the attention. He likes winning awards and recognition, and even seeing he won some stupid poll in a magazine while he’s just rummaging around a magazine rack, usually waiting for Yumichika to do  _ something _ is exciting. But the physical act is so much more gratifying, pushing his arms until they strain, until his wrists ache and his fingers start to go numb the tighter he grips the drumsticks. They get through four songs before Yumichika wants another break, and Bazz lets him have it.

He stretches his arms, rolls his shoulders, and jumps when his phone rings again.

Two calls in one day?  _ What the hell? _ If there was something he had to sanitize in a fucking Instagram selfie taken in his private studio, then— The name on the phone is  _ Ulquiorra. _

“It’s Ulquiorra,” he says to his phone, and Yumichika hums in understanding. “I’ll answer it.”

Of course he’s going to answer it. What the fuck else would he do?

Sliding the little green button across the screen is great, but what’s even better is raising the phone to his ear and not even getting out a sentence before he hears,  _ “Sorry if I’m interrupting you. I just saw your post about being on the studio when the call connected.” _

Bazz has  _ millions _ of Instagram followers, what the fuck does it matter if Ulquiorra saw it? He  _ knows _ Ulquiorra follows him but his chest gets a little tight just the same. “Those sexy studio selfies, right? You’re not bothering me at all. We’re just having some fun.”

“Hi, Ulquiorra!” Yumichika calls out, his voice echoing off the walls.

_ “Tell him I said hello,” _ Ulquiorra says, and Bazz is absolutely not going to do that because fuck Yumichika for interrupting him when it’s the  _ important _ call and not saving his ass when it came to Byakuya.  _ “How’s your day been? Sorry I haven’t been able to talk much. Work’s picked up, and you know Grimmjow’s job is more difficult these days.” _

Perfectly reasonable reasons not to have time to talk. Not because Bazz is a  _ loser _ who no one has time to talk to. “I’m not mad, you’re good. So what’s up? You need something?”

_ “I was going to ask you if you were busy this weekend. I was invited to a new club by our neighbor, and Grimmjow and I already promised to go.” _ A new club probably means a new BDSM club; the two of them were shopping around the last time the subject was brought up. Apparently club life was something they were interested in pursuing.  _ “I think it would be more fun if you came along with us. Do you want to play with us again?” _

The fact Ulquiorra is asking him this question when he spend his  _ entire _ day complaining about not getting to see him and Grimmjow is… It’s something, and Bazz feels slightly disappointed in  _ himself. _ “That sounds great, actually. I had so much fun last time.”

_ “You sound not like yourself today.” _ The observation makes Bazz’s throat feel dry. Does Ulquiorra know him well enough to be able to pick up on things like that?

Well, he must. Because Bazz feels like shit right now.

“I guess I just missed you guys and Nozarashi’s been weirdly tense lately, so.” Bazz shrugs helplessly, not sure what else to say that won’t make this just sound weird. Like he  _ misses _ them but also he doesn’t want to give off the impression he  _ wants _ them in case they don’t want that and he risks his friendship with them. He’s also aware, a moment later, that Ulquiorra can’t see him shrugging. “But it’s like half my own fault, I’ve been busy, too.”

Ulquiorra hums.  _ “We should all make more of an effort, I think. After we visit this club, would you like to come back to our apartment? This time, none of us will answer our phones if one of them so happens to ring. Does that sound like a good idea?” _

“You know I’d never turn down that down.” Oh shit, does that sound weird?  _ Does it? _

The soft laughter on the other side of the phone makes his gut twist up for just a moment before Ulquiorra speaks again.  _ “That’s good to hear. I was worried you’d gotten bored of us. We’re not exactly as exciting as your life must normally be, rockstar.” _

“You kidding me? The drama’s so dull. Hanging out with you guys is so much better.” And so much more relaxing, and it makes him happy. Not that music doesn’t make him happy anymore, but the drama surrounding it is making it difficult for him to enjoy it as much as he used to. Drumming in his basement is nothing like drumming with all of Nozarashi. “I should invite you guys over sometime. House is massive, but the pool’s nice. So’s the studio. We could do a whole jam session together.”

Yumichika makes a circle out of this thumb and finger, and Bazz flips him off.

_ “I’d like that, actually, getting to see your home. Bet it’s nothing like all those houses you see on TV.” _ The charmed tone of Ulquiorra’s voice could make Bazz melt into a puddle at his feet, which is what he’ll be doing this weekend.  _ “We’ll check our schedules. Or maybe you could bring us back to your place after our little weekend getaway.” _

Bazz snorts. “Nah, this isn’t the house to spend time in after all that. Yours is much better, but I’ll definitely get you two over here soon. Maybe make it another weekend getaway. God knows all three of us could probably use it by this point.”

There is a slight pause before Ulquiorra speaks.  _ “Is Byakuya giving you a hard time?” _

Shit. The last thing Bazz wants to talk about is Byakuya, or the relationship as an extrapolation of that. “Don’t even worry about it. Everything’s been professional, so you ain’t got a single thing to worry about, okay? You let me worry about my career.”

_ “That means he has. I’m sorry, Bazz. It’s not fair.” _ Ulquiorra sighs softly, but his voice is brighter suddenly.  _ “Oh well, let him be upset. I’m taking you to Shunko this weekend so you don’t have to think about any of that anymore. Oh, I thought I should ask. Grimmjow wants me to walk him in on a collar. Do you want me to do the same for you?” _

Bazz’s brain just fizzles out at that, the phone almost slipping from his hand as he considers the possibility of Ulquiorra putting a collar around his neck.  _ Fuck. _ Oh, he wants it. He knows there’s deeper symbolism in some areas of BDSM with collars, but he also knows they work as just aesthetic pieces and he so bad wants to walk into this club with it clear that Ulquiorra owns his ass. He pretty much did the night he decided he could make Bazz submit and then proved that he was true to his word.

Or maybe it was the day Ulquiorra confided in him, desperate to have an unbiased party.

There’s almost nothing Bazz wouldn’t do for Ulquiorra but this is so… It’s so  _ personal _ and it makes his gut tight and maybe his voice comes out with a hint of shudder when he manages a reply. “Yeah, I want that. I mean, if that’s okay with you. I don’t want to assume or overstep or anything, it’s up to you and what your comfort level is.”

_ “I’m the one asking, Bazz, so clearly I’m comfortable with it. You sure you’re okay right now? Your voice is a little shaky, sub.” _ The slight shift in Ulquiorra’s voice has Bazz’s heart flying up into his throat; Yumichika must see it in his face, his own expression concerned.

He waves Yumichika out of the room and waits until he hears footsteps all the way up the stairs and the door shutting before he replies. “You know how you get me going, Sir.”

_ “I do know. You know, I’ve missed having you around more often. I’ve been thinking about that night. Grimmjow has, too, it’s why we talked about inviting you.”  _ The tone of Ulquiorra’s voice goes straight to Bazz’s dick and he  _ hates _ how easy he is sometimes, but only sometimes, and only when he can’t get laid immediately.  _ “He really enjoyed spending the night with you. Really enjoyed waking up next to you, too. We should do it more often.” _

Casual sex with friends is normal, right? Bazz has no idea. Haschwalth doesn’t count; Bazz has to tell himself that to stay sane, okay, Haschwalth absolutely  _ cannot  _ count. He’s never slept with Yumichika because for all their flirting, nothing ever seems to come of it, and he isn’t sure how much of it he means by the time morning rolls around and the hangover kicks in, the pleasant buzz of alcohol firmly in the past. None of the ladies at the diner would ever dare, especially not Giselle and Bambietta considering they’re lesbians, and Bazz is a man with his head in the right place. He’s not a fucking idiot who’d hit on them anyway.

Would he even he able to keep it casual when he’s already all kinds of hung up over them? Who even fucking knows at this point? “You really want to do it more often, Sir?”

_ “Not just me. Grimmjow, too. Like I said, he misses you. Got him all hung up on his high school crush all over again, sub.” _ The teasing lilt in Ulquiorra’s voice makes Bazz grin like an idiot; he always gets a kick out of the fact Grimmjow is a  _ fan, _ after all.

There are all kinds of stories online about fans who want to meet their idols, how they want to touch them and service them, and Bazz always took it with a grain of salt because it was always just about the fantasy. None of them matched their stage images very well; Yumichika was all sexy confidence onstage and a hell of a lot of insecurity off, and Isane was a lot warmer and bubblier. Maybe Kenpachi was the closest, but even then.

It’s different with Grimmjow, though. He sees Bazz as a person, and that’s so damned nice.

“High school crush, huh.” Bazz rubs a hand over his crotch. “You should think about getting him a school uniform, then. Maybe we can make good on some of those fantasies he had.”

_ “You’re the worst.” _ Ulquiorra is so  _ fond _ , or Bazz is imagining it. Probably Bazz is imagining it, but Ulquiorra has just been happier lately, right? The medication and the therapy slowly working in tandem to save his life.  _ “We could think about that, though, if he’s up for it.” _

Bazz really is the worst person alive. “What’s this new club like? I think I heard you maybe mention its name but I don’t think that I caught the name of it. Is it okay if I come there, or do I have to come in disguise or something, or? I don’t want to cause trouble this time.”

Sometimes when he’s jerking off in his bed late at night, he remembers that slap. He remembers how hard it snapped his head to the side, how his face burned, how the handprint took some time to fade away and how he made a joke or two in an interview about it when he was asked about it. That was because he was an idiot, and he fucked up, and he made a big mistake that could have cost all of them quite a lot. This time, he wants to do things the correct way and enjoy a night with Ulquiorra and Grimmjow that doesn’t end in them getting a shitty phone call that no one deserved.

Bazz is far from involved in all of that shit, and he knows the drama had nothing to do with him, but he’s never going to forgive Aizen for that. Ever. No one deserves to talk like that.

_ “Shunko. It’s owned by a woman named Shihouin Yoruichi, and Orihime invited us to come along, so I trust her judgment on whether it’s safe.” _ Which is good to hear, that the two of them are still on speaking terms. Bazz  _ really _ wanted them to stay friends when it was clear that they were both in the mindset to be friends.  _ “I spoke to her and Ichigo about this before I called you, just so I wouldn’t end up offering without being able to make good on it. Like if they said it wasn’t possible, I wouldn’t have called you.” _

“You’re so good to me, Sir.” Because Bazz cannot  _ possibly _ behave for five seconds.

Ulquiorra’s answering hum is so happy sounding. Fuck, Bazz adores him.  _ “I try to be. Ichigo said that the club itself is super exclusive, very private, no one’s going to be snapping pictures. Everyone here is very much about just coming in to unwind, but if you want to come in disguise, you can. But you don’t have to, sub, not this time.” _

“Cool. I’ll let the pink mohawk fly, then.” And if Aizen and Byakuya find out he was at a sex club in the morning, then so be it. It won’t be the first time it’s happened.

_ “I won’t keep you away from your practice any longer. I didn’t mean to be on the phone this long, but… I missed you.”  _ And right there, Bazz is just fucking gone.  _ “Wear something sexy, drop by our apartment and we’ll take our car. Does that work for you?” _

Bazz wants to die. “Absolutely. We’re doing this Saturday night, I’m guessing?”

_ “Yes, Saturday night. We’re going to be driving there at about eleven, so you can come by… At ten? And maybe we can have some fun before we go?” _ Ulquiorra’s voice is low and teasing and Bazz really just wants to melt into the floor or something.

“I’ll definitely be there by ten,” Bazz promises. “Looking forward to seeing you, Sir.”

Ulquiorra giggles softly.  _ “I’m looking forward to seeing you, too, sub. See you soon.” _

Bazz hangs the phone up and contemplates just throwing his phone across the room before he can possibly have another phone call to somehow balance out how sublime that one was. Before he can make the decision, Yumichika thumps back downstairs, eyebrows raised.

“What was all that about?” he asks, pointing to phone still clamped in Bazz’s hand.

“Ulquiorra asked me to come with him and Grimmjow to another, different sex club and I totally said yes and then he, like… Called me sub. Oh man.” Bazz thumps his head back into the wall, not even sure how to process, and then winces because shit, that hurts.

Yumichika whistles, sitting back down on his stool. “It’s like he knew you were pining after him and he called to tell you to come do it in person. Isn’t that something?”

“Sorry to dump all this shit on you.” Bazz shakes his head. “It’s not right, Yumi.”

“Honestly? I’m glad to talk about your problems because it gives me something to think about that aren’t my own problems, and then if I can help you find solutions or just commiserate with you, then I can at least feel useful.” Yumichika shrugs at him, but Bazz can tell how tired he is. Both of them are exhausted, but unlike Bazz, Yumichika doesn’t have anyone to really soften any blows or form buffers for him. He doesn’t have someone who’s going to call him and invite him somewhere unless it’s Bazz himself.

They really need to sit down and talk with Nozarashi and Byakuya at some point.

But that point is not now, that much is clear. “Well, I guess I’m glad to be a distraction if it really helps you. You wanna come? Maybe I can get them to float you an invite.”

“No way. I didn’t have  _ any _ fun at Las Noches and honestly, I don’t think I’m that into it.” Yumichika drains the rest of his water bottle, flattening it against his palm before screwing the cap back into place. “Like, maybe it’s fun, but I don’t think I want to sub right now, and Domming takes some serious responsibility. I just want to get handcuffed.”

Bazz arches an eyebrow at him. “You ever think about handcuffing yourself? They got this one type of handcuffs, right, you put ice in them and lock them, and when the ice melts, it’ll unlock. Could give you a taste for it if you’re not sure if you’re into it or not.”

He expects Yumichika to laugh at him or dismiss him, but instead, he looks thoughtful. “Maybe I’ll order a pair of those, then, see what I think of them. Thanks for the rec.”

They spend most of the rest of the afternoon just making up stupid songs or testing out some of the solo work Yumichika always keeps filed away for if he ever has to walk away from Nozarashi. Though Bazz always has the thought that if he’s ready to leave, he’s probably planning to, he has his own shit in storage. He gets it. There’s just been so much lately that he’s not sure he wants to continue without at least being prepared.

When Yumichika heads home, Bazz throws himself across his bed, shoves his face into his pillow, and shoves a hand down his pants and jerks off to the memory of Ulquiorra’s voice in his ear, the way he’d said  _ sub, _ the implications in his words. He thinks about Ulquiorra’s blazing green eyes and Grimmjow’s smile and comes embarrassingly fast, making a mess out of his hand. By the time he turns in for the night, he’s jerked off twice more.

Maybe he’s a little more excited for Saturday to come than he wants to admit he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wish i had more time to update this. i'm half-considering that after i finish sanctuary, i want to focus on this a little bit and get through the shunko chapters because there's going to be more than one of them. i hope you guys don't mind if we step away from aizen, byakuya, and renji for a little bit so that grimmjow, ulquiorra, and bazz can have a fun little sexy weekend. and you'll get lots of sex scenes out of it, i've been waiting to write these three together again.
> 
> obviously bazz is having some feelings and thoughts here. he was perfectly fine with the way things were at the end of the first story, but now that some time has passed, he's starting to really pine for them while trying to keep it a friendship because grimmulqui just got out of a relationship and probably don't want to walk into another one right away. and poor yumichika. it just seems like things are snowballing for him.


	7. leather and denim and dancing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** oral sex, spanking, praise kink

Ulquiorra feels an undercurrent of excitement when evening rolls around.

Avoiding Las Noches was a choice he and Grimmjow made when they discussed it and decided that the chances of running into Aizen, Byakuya, and Renji was too high of a likelihood for it to be a comfortable location for them. Clubs in general are not a place Ulquiorra wants to go if he is likely to end up miserable by the time he comes home; he went while he was a university student because he wanted to unwind from the stress of school. After his relationship with Orihime ended, it was also to drink, but he still wanted to relax and get away from the rest of the world. He didn’t want to walk in and see an ex right in front of him, especially in a space that was created  _ by _ them.

Grimmjow wanted to shop around, and Ulquiorra let him without any real feelings on it one way or another. It would be fun, and he would always like to learn more to become a better and more talented Dominant, but part of him was hesitant because he keeps reflecting back on what Aizen and Byakuya told him; Las Noches was started to create a safe space for LGBT individuals, and Ulquiorra worried about finding another space like that. The last thing he wants is to walk into any space and make himself a target.

He trusts Orihime, though. If she invited him and Grimmjow to come to Shunko, then it must have been a safe space for LGBT people. There was no doubt in his mind that he could trust her on this, so he felt safe preparing for a night and knowing that he, Grimmjow, and Bazz were going to have fun with one another. To be able to relax and unwind.

“Can I pick out your clothes for tonight, Sir?” Grimmjow asks him, already prancing around the apartment in a pair of leather pants and a fishnet shirt. The pants bell out around his feet; he seems to enjoy the way the fabric sounds whispering across the floor, a contrast to the way it creaks when he moves. “You let me do that last time.”

“Come here first.” Ulquiorra crooks a finger at him and Grimmjow grins at him, hurries across the floor to where he sits in his favorite chair and sinks down to his knees.

Black is a popular color in BDSM circles. A lot of general clothing worn for the scene defaults to that color, something Ulquiorra has noticed when he checks websites that sell such clothing, as well as various kinds of furniture. But the collar that Ulquiorra picks out of the soft velvet box it arrived in is white leather, soft and supple under his hands, lined with deep blue sink that almost matches Grimmjow’s beautiful eyes. With careful fingers, Ulquiorra loops it around his neck, using his fingers to know how tight to buckle it.

“How does that feel?” he asks, fingering the skin just below the collar, the hollow of Grimmjow’s throat. “Do you need me to loosen it at all?”

Grimmjow shakes his head, resting his cheek against Ulquiorra’s knee. “No, it’s very comfortable. Did you get one for Bazz, too, or is he going to bring his own?”

“His is going to match yours so that you look like a pair.” Ulquiorra shows him, and Grimmjow makes a small approving nose. “I think he’ll like it. So, you wanted to pick out the clothes I wear tonight? Go ahead. As long as I can put a long coat over them, sub.”

When Grimmjow bounces to his feet, it’s one quick and fluid motion, and it reminds Ulquiorra of just how athletic he is. “You got it, Sir. I’m going to pick out nice ones.”

Ulquiorra chuckles to himself as Grimmjow hurries upstairs to the bedroom and stretches his arms over his head, checking the time and reassuring himself that they have more than enough time to get ready. He opens up his favorite playlist of soft dance music and sets the phone on the speaker dock, a smile touching his lips as quiet music wafts into the room. His feet move slowly and carefully; he isn’t clumsy but he enjoys dancing and he knows how, and he’s picked out a sort-of choreography when Grimmjow comes downstairs.

“What did you pick out for me?” Ulquiorra asks him, turning on his feet and pausing when he sees the pale fabric in Grimmjow’s hands. “You picked white? What an interesting choice, sub. Did you pick out white to match the collar I bought you?”

“Yes, Sir. I thought it would be a fun way to refer back to you.” Grimmjow holds the clothing out to him and Ulquiorra takes them, laying them out on the back of the couch. Tight white jeans with very noticeable tears, several of them across the fronts and backs of the thighs. The shirt is a crop top that Ulquiorra bought when the weather warmed up, one that clings to his chest and shows off his entire midsection.

“I like these choices.” Ulquiorra tugs his shirt up and over his head. “Help me get my shorts off, sub. I want to get changed before Bazz shows up.”

Falling to his knees once more, Grimmjow slides his hands up Ulquiorra’s thighs and under his shorts, fingers hooking in the waistband to draw the shorts down. Beneath is just a pair of tiny black briefs, really just big enough to cover his groin and only half-cover his ass. The expression on Grimmjow’s face just seeing the front of them is worth it.

Satisfied with Grimmjow’s assistance, Ulquiorra steps away from him and shimmies into the jeans, buttoning them up and picking up the crop top to pull it on. He has a lightweight long coat to wear outside, wanting to look as decent as possible where other people can see; he wants to keep a level of privacy, and he loves the way people look at him when he takes the coat off and lets them see how much skin he’s chosen to bare.

“How do I look, sub?” Ulquiorra asks Grimmjow, tucking a hand behind his head.

Grimmjow studies him from his knees, tongue dragging across his lips as he raises his eyes to meet Ulquiorra’s. “You look fucking amazing, Sir. Just especially this time.”

“That’s a very good answer.” Ulquiorra crooks a finger and Grimmjow crawls to him, his hands warm as they wrap around Ulquiorra’s midsection, lips pressing a kiss just above the top of his jeans. “Very good. You’re such a proper submissive, aren’t you, Grimmjow?”

Wriggling on his knees, Grimmjow looks up at him, pupils dilated, cheekbones already showing the hint of a flush. “I try to be for you, Sir. I just want to please you.”

“You please me, sub,” Ulquiorra reassures him, and Grimmjow nearly purrs for him.

Grimmjow is tall enough even on his knees that Ulquiorra can easily bend down to kiss him from here, hand curled against the back of his neck, tongue stroking over the swell of his lower lip until Grimmjow groans, pushing his own tongue back against Ulquiorra’s. He knows better than to touch, better than to attempt absolutely anything without permission and Ulquiorra rewards him for it, fingers flexing against his skin, tongue curling around his and pushing it back into his mouth. Of course, Grimmjow gives. He never takes, not until Ulquiorra is holding him down and forcing him through an onslaught of pleasure.

How had they ever had an exciting sex life without this? It feels like such a natural extrapolation of their relationship and Ulquiorra revels in it, the way Grimmjow looks pliant and soft when he leans away from him, face hot and eyes lidded. Already unsteady.

It would take so little to take him down into a proper submissive headspace, but Ulquiorra knows they’ll have company, and he wants Grimmjow inside of Shunko before he tries to get inside of Grimmjow’s head. “Let’s not get started too early without Bazz.”

The mention of the drummer’s name has Grimmjow smiling, a quiet little grin as he rises to his feet and nods slowly in understanding. “Yes, Sir. I’ll behave until he gets here.”

Ulquiorra’s eyes drift toward his phone and Grimmjow’s gaze follows his own, suddenly seeming away of the music in the room. Chuckling, Ulquiorra holds his hands out. “Would you like to dance with me? It’s been a while since we have.”

“Absolutely.” Grimmjow’s fingers slide between his own, pulling him closer.

He lets Grimmjow lead because he’s always been better at dancing, enjoying the sensation of Grimmjow’s hand spanning up the length of his stomach as he pulls Ulquiorra closer. It feels so natural, the way Grimmjow leads him around the furniture without running him into any of it, pausing to dip Ulquiorra so low that his hair must brush against the floor beneath with the angle. It draws a little giggle out of him and Grimmjow smiles, steals a kiss as he swings Ulquiorra back up into his arms.

“We should pick out a playlist for the wedding soon,” Grimmjow muses, twirling Ulquiorra outward from him, their fingers the only link between them before Ulquiorra spins back into his arms. “Gotta decide if we want Bazz to play DJ for us, too.”

“I think we should ask him to,” Ulquiorra says, shivering when Grimmjow draws his back up against that broad chest, the light friction of fishnet against his bare back making his skin feel sensitive. “He wants to. I don’t see any reason for him not to.”

Grimmjow is quiet for a moment. “Nel said she wanted to sing. Not the whole band, just—”

Ulquiorra cuts him off. “Just Nel?” When Grimmjow nods, he smiles. “We can have Bazz play instrumental tracks for her to sing to. That would be a nice combination.”

“You think so?” Grimmjow’s smile is infectious. “I’ll tell her the next time I see her.”

The song ends and they linger against each other for a moment, and Ulquiorra is and isn’t expecting it when Grimmjow leans down to kiss him, hand cradling Ulquiorra’s cheek gently as their lips meet. It’s different from their last kiss, less charged and yet more, and he can feel the metal of Grimmjow’s engagement ring brushing against his skin. A subtle reminder that they have their happy ending despite the odds.

“We still need to pick somewhere to honeymoon, too,” Grimmjow murmurs against his lips, and Ulquiorra giggles and nods, kissing him again. “Somewhere warm. I’ll keep you covered in sunscreen if it means I get to see as much of you as possible.”

A beach? That’s a thought. Ulquiorra likes warm weather and sunlight, always has. “By your logic, we should just go to a nudist beach then. I believe they have them in France.”

A wicked light glows in Grimmjow’s eyes. “I’m not saying no to that idea.”

The sound of a car pulling up in the driveway ends their little moment, and Ulquiorra twirls out of Grimmjow’s arms so he can be at the door when someone knocks on it. Bazz is on the other side of it, leather jacket thrown over his shoulders, an almost shy smile playing across his lips. The sight of him makes Ulquiorra lean up on his toes to give him a proper kiss right away; he’s missed doing this. Every time Bazz comes over, they enjoy his company, but something about the electricity of that first night keeps replaying in Ulquiorra’s mind over and over again. He can’t forget it.

“Hell of a way to say hello.” Bazz says when Ulquiorra steps away, his face feeling dully warm now. “I can do you one better, though, c’mere.”

Ulquiorra isn’t expecting the way Bazz almost charges into the apartment, one hand against the small of his back, the other sliding up into his hair. The press of Bazz’s lips this time is rough and warm and tears straight through his defenses, and he feels manhandled in Bazz’s grip like this but it’s pleasant. A reminder that he really is this strong.

Grimmjow’s low whistle does not escape Ulquiorra’s attention. “Do  _ I _ get a kiss, too?”

“Of course you do.” Bazz kisses Ulquiorra on the forehead, and it makes his heart beat just a little faster, and then Bazz strides across the room to Grimmjow.

There’s something about watching the two of them together, the way Grimmjow goes pliant under Bazz’s touch even as he kisses back with everyone he has. The way his hands grip the leather of Bazz’s jacket, gathering the fabric in his hands even as Ulquiorra sees him shudder when Bazz’s hand creeps under the side of his fishnet. They stay locked together for a long moment and Ulquiorra can hear the wet sounds of their kissing over the music, which startles a small noise from the back of his throat.

“What are you two doing? Easy listening music?” Bazz wings an eyebrow up at Ulquiorra.

“Dancing,” Grimmjow says instead, snatching Bazz’s hand in his. “Dance with me.”

Bazz is just as graceful as Grimmjow is, dragging him into something that looks like a waltz, though not quite so proper. Pulling himself into his chair, Ulquiorra watches them together, unable to let go of how  _ good _ they look together, the way they keep erupting into laughter every time Bazz leans in and whispers something, probably cheesy romantic shit from a movie with a bad accent to get the point across. When the song ends, Bazz almost tosses Grimmjow onto the couch, offering a hand to Ulquiorra instead.

Instead of allowing himself to be drawn into another dance, Ulquiorra  _ pulls, _ the sudden jarring motion sending Bazz off-balance and into his lap. He catches himself so that Ulquiorra isn’t crushed beneath him and just climbs into the chair, knees digging into the fabric on either side of Ulquiorra’s hips, keeping him pinned in place even as he settles down into Ulquiorra’s nap. He’s  _ warm, _ too, Ulquiorra thinks.

“You look so cute in white.” Bazz sweeps a hand under his jaw, pressing their lips together in another brief kiss that warms Ulquiorra all the way through. “Like an angel.”

“There’s nothing heavenly about what I’m going to do to you tonight,” Ulquiorra tells him.

This only makes Bazz’s grin widen. “Who said I wanted that? Bless me with your attention.”

Ulquiorra leans just around him to pick up the white collar still waiting in the box, leaning back and holding it up so Bazz can see it. Carefully, he watches Bazz’s eyes. Putting a collar on Grimmjow was one thing, even without the extra BDSM symbolism included; Grimmjow is his fiance, after all. Bazz is a friend. He might not be comfortable with this, which Ulquiorra will understand. But instead of telling him no, Bazz shrugs his jacket down his shoulders so Ulquiorra can get at his neck, showing off the black harness beneath.  _ Oh shit. _ Ulquiorra hooks a finger in the O-ring on his chest, giving it a tug.

“I like this,” he says. It means that once they’re inside Shunko, Ulquiorra could just pull him around by this. “You should wear this more often.”

Bazz’s smirk is incorrigible. “I’d do anything you asked me to do, Sir.”

With a practiced touch, Ulquiorra buckles the collar around his neck. “This good?”

“Yeah. Feels pretty great, actually.” Bazz leans down and kisses him again, and Ulquiorra feels slightly dizzy from all the attention, jumping when he feels a second pair of hands slide down his chest from behind, warm fingers splaying across his belly.

Grimmjow and Bazz take turns kissing him and touching him, always over his clothing or his stomach, Bazz’s fingers dipping into the slits of denim that open against his legs. Ulquiorra is achingly hard within minutes and makes a noise when Bazz drops to his knees immediately, one massive hand stroking between Ulquiorra’s thighs.

“Let me, Sir,” he says, palming Ulquiorra through his jeans. “Been a while, right? Lemme show you just how grateful I am to get to play with you again.”

Ulquiorra nods. “Don’t do a sloppy job of it, sub. Show me that you mean it.”

“He wants you so bad,” Grimmjow whispers against his ear, breathing hot against his skin. “He only had me last time, remember? Barely got to do anything with you.”

“I remember,” Ulquiorra admits. They had been focused on Grimmjow. They  _ needed _ to be.

But now Grimmjow’s hands are warm on his skin and Bazz’s hands are efficient in getting his jeans open and the briefs down so he can wrap his lips around the head of Ulquiorra’s cock, swallowing him down without hesitation.  _ Fuck. _ The wet warmth of his mouth has Ulquiorra’s head falling back against the chair, his skin burning at how good that feels, how Bazz strokes his tongue over Ulquiorra’s glans before sucking hard. It’s amazing, how easily he bobs his head, how his throat opens and he doesn’t so much as gag.

Ulquiorra’s hands ache for something to grasp and he ends up with his hands digging into Bazz’s shoulders, bared by the harness. Green eyes glitter up at him as he swallows, cheeks hollowing out as he does, a touch of a smirk at the corner of his mouth.

Without hesitation, Ulquiorra digs his fingers in  _ deeper _ and the smirk drops, Bazz winking up at him in understanding before he palms Ulquiorra’s hips and bobs his head once more.

When Ulquiorra comes, it’s with a low noise of pleasure, eyes squeezed shut, back arching off of the chair even as Bazz holds him down. He blinks his eyes open slowly while Bazz tucks him back into his pants and when he lifts his head, he realizes they have an audience. It takes him a dull moment to realize that Grimmjow is hovering just behind their audience, hand smashed over his mouth like he’s hiding a smile. When did he move?

“Well,” Ichigo says after a beat, “that’s totally not what I expected when I realized you guys were friends with Bazz-B. Now I’m kinda jealous.”

“You should be. I’ve got amazing oral skills,” Bazz says without missing a beat.

There is a dull roar in Ulquiorra’s ears; his gaze has been locked with Orihime’s for what feels like an endless moment, his breathing too loud. It sounds unnatural.

When he blinks and remembers to start acting like a human being once more, he realizes Orihime is wearing white, as well. Her dark sunset hair is piled on top of her head in an intricate knot, revealing the slope of her neck down into the white leather coat.  _ Coat _ may be a genius term considering it flows into a corset, her generous breasts held in place by the ties, the bottom of it opening wide around her hips and thighs. The skirt beneath is tiny, stopping well above her knees, the material slick and shiny.

She walked into his apartment looking like a goddess of BDSM to see him getting oral sex.

“They knocked,” Grimmjow finally says, though Ulquiorra can hear the soft cackling in his voice, “and it seemed rude to make them wait since we’re their guests.”

Of course. Of  _ course _ he’d done this. “Grimmjow, are you  _ asking _ me for a punishment?”

“Maybe.” Grimmjow’s eyes positively glow. “You could spank me in front of them, Sir.”

He answers the question Ulquiorra hasn’t even asked him about doing so in front of an audience; Ulquiorra clears his throat. “Orihime, would you mind if I did that?”

“Not at all!” Orihime sits down on the couch, snapping her fingers once so that Ichigo melts to his knees at her feet. Like Bazz, he’s wearing a harness, dark leather straps criss-crossing over his chest, topped with a black leather collar and an attached leash. The end of the leash is wrapped around Orihime’s wrist. “We came by early just in case. We definitely have time for you to punish your submissive before we go.”

Ulquiorra shifts to the end of the chair and fixes his gaze on Grimmjow, stern and unrelenting, until Grimmjow gets the message and crosses the floor to him, draping himself over Ulquiorra’s knees without a word. The weight of him is reassuring and Ulquiorra strokes a hand over his back, then brings his hand down over his ass even through the leather. It draws a startled squeak from Grimmjow’s lips, and he  _ almost _ wriggles until he catches himself and holds still, fingers knotted in the long shag of the rug.

“That’s what I thought,” Ulquiorra says, planting his free hand on the back of Grimmjow’s neck to hold him still. “Ten will suffice. I will ensure you feel it through the leather.”

The sound of his hand coming down against the leather echoes through the quiet of the room, broken up only by Grimmjow’s breathing and a soft, almost hesitant noise that pulls Ulquiorra’s eyes up and away from his submissive for only a moment. Ichigo is flushed, eyes lidded and his mouth hanging open just a little and  _ oh, _ now that is something. Ulquiorra knows what having an audience means; exhibitionism is largely rooted in the enjoyment of the attention, of the knowledge that doing anything sexual in front of someone else means possibly turning them on. Ichigo certainly looks it right now.

Orihime runs her fingers through his hair, strokes them down the side of his face and he makes a small noise in the back of his throat, pushing into her touch.

When Ulquiorra finishes with the spanking, he lets the hand on Grimmjow’s neck soften, unsurprised when Grimmjow slips off of his knees to kneel on the floor. His face is flushed and he’s panting, and Ulquiorra tips his chin up, rewarding him with a soft kiss.

“Very good, sub,” he murmurs, and Grimmjow mewls softly. “You took that very well.”

“He’s so responsive,” Orihime says, and Ulquiorra nods, spreading his legs so Grimmjow can huddle up against him, cheek pressed against his thigh, panting soft against his skin. “Well, if you three are ready to go, we can head to Shunko. We just came to make sure you three were ready. I’m almost jealous, you have  _ two _ handsome submissives.”

Bazz winks at her. “He’s a lucky, lucky Dom. Netted me without even trying.”

“There are some other polyamorous groups at Shunko, so no one’s going to give you any trouble because of it,” Orihime says, and Ulquiorra feels a sense of relief at this. “So, is everyone ready to go? Ichigo’s really excited for everyone to visit.”

At the sound of his name, Ichigo seems to shake the cobwebs away. “Absolutely, Miss.”

When Grimmjow is able to stand stable on his feet once more, Ulquiorra clips a matching leash to his collar, giving it a faint tug so that Grimmjow can feel the pressure of it against his throat. He does the same for Bazz, slips both loops around one wrist, and gives them a harsh tug, chuckling to himself when both men instantly step closer to him. He can feel a hand ghost against the small of his back and chooses to let it go.

Because Ulquiorra is in charge for the evening, they both slip into the back of the car, and he drives. He follows Orihime’s car and wonders about her relationship with Ichigo and how much of it he might see on display tonight; there was certainly no discomfort in Ichigo’s face when he knelt at her feet. Rather, it seemed natural. How had they gone about discovering that? He remembers dating Orihime, and he never would have guessed she had an edge of control in the bedroom, so he wonders how Ichigo got around to asking her. Or had he been upfront about working at Shunko and she just decided to play with him?

Who knows? Ulquiorra might get some of those questions answered tonight, though.

The excitement bubbling in his stomach is so multi-faceted. He likes the idea of Bazz playing with them again, loves how Bazz seems to want to spend time with them as much as they want to spend time with him. Ulquiorra had loved how well he fit with them last time they were together, how natural it all felt. How Bazz’s hands felt on his body…

Shaking his head, he reassures himself that Orihime’s car is right in front of him, then looks in his rearview mirror. Grimmjow’s head is resting on Bazz’s shoulder, a soft little smile playing on his lips as his eyelids flutter. It must be because of Bazz, whose fingers sift through Grimmjow’s hair, a gentle touch that seems to do a lot for him.

The two of them play so well together. Ulquiorra wonders what would happen if he stepped back and allowed the two of them to do what they wanted with each other. Bazz had gravitated so naturally into the lead last time; Grimmjow is easier, gentler, seemingly fine with settling into anything as long as he’s taken care of and safe.

“Holy shit,” Bazz breathes when they pull into the parking lot, into the reserved spot Orihime told them they could use. “This is such a swanky place.”

Ulquiorra nods; it’s everything like the picture said it was. “You brought a hat, right?”

“Of course. Wouldn’t dream of getting photographed outside of here,” Bazz says.

They all have coats tossed on top of their clothing to keep them decent for the street, but there are racks just inside of the doorway and they all strip out of them straight away. Ulquiorra makes sure he has a decent grip on the leashes, following Orihime into the club and realizing that it’s right here. Las Noches doubles as a night club on its base level but the amount of bare flesh on display along with furniture that Ulquiorra recognizes all too well tells him that isn’t the situation here at all.

“Welcome to Shunko,” Ichigo says, turning toward them and spreading his arms wide.

Las Noches is done in so much monochrome; Shunko is bright and colorful inside, plush couches spread across the massive floor with transparent drapery around them. It would be easy to draw them for the illusion of privacy, Ulquiorra realizes, and he can see the long bar on the far side of the building, backed with a mirror. It certainly looks busy, plenty of people spread throughout the room. And Ichigo looks like he’s in his element now, falling into step behind Orihime, who leads him over to a set of couches.

Ulquiorra follows her for now, and he no sooner sits down, Grimmjow curling against his side while Bazz sprawls next to him, that a familiar face appears. “Hi there, Ichigo.”

The woman is startlingly beautiful in person, brown skin gleaming beneath the lights overhead, dark violet hair pulled back from her face as she kneels to pat Ichigo on the head. Instead of sitting on the couch, he’s only taken a pillow to kneel upon so he can stay at Orihime’s feet. And he smiles up at the woman— Shihouin Yoruichi.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” she says, taking Orihime’s hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. “Ichigo’s told me a lot about you. I see you brought guests after all.”

“We did! Our neighbors, Ulquiorra Cifer and Grimmjow Jaegerjaques.” And when Bazz drags his beanie off of his head, Orihime smiles. “And Bazz-B of Nozarashi.”

Yoruichi offers her hand to Ulquiorra and he accepts it, unsurprised at the strength in her fingers as her golden eyes study his face carefully. “Well, well, it’s not often we have celebrities around here,” she says, tipping Bazz a wink, “but it’s not the first time. Have fun. No one’s going to know you’re here unless you tell them.” Then her gaze shifts back to Ulquiorra. “Welcome to Shunko! I hope you enjoy your night here. If you need anything, let me know. I’ll be on the floor all night.”

“Thank you, Shihouin-san.” Ulquiorra’s gaze strays just behind her. “Is this your sub?”

With one twist of her hand, Yoruichi drags on the leash in hand, and the man who stood at her back kneels at her feet, head tilted downward, his pale blond hair falling into his face. When Yoruichi’s fingers slip beneath his chin and tilt upward, Ulquiorra can see faint scars on his face and frowns just a touch; that injury must have been painful.

But Yoruichi’s voice drips with fondness as she holds him in place. “Urahara Kisuke, my submissive,” she introduces. “He’s always been mine.”

“He’s beautiful,” Ulquiorra says immediately; Urahara’s pale grey eyes dart toward him, and he can see a slight flush beneath that soft skin. “And so well-behaved.”

Orihime nods, leaning closer, her fingers soft as he pets his hair. “So proper, too. There’s nothing quite as pretty as a submissive who responds so quickly.”

“You’ll spoil him,” Yoruichi says, but when Ulquiorra leans forward to brush a feather light touch down Urahara’s cheek, she doesn’t object. “But he deserves it, he’s such a good boy. I’d be lying if I said it was all me. He was a natural from the moment he knelt at my feet.”

Urahara’s face is flushed now, his eyes heavily lidded. “Thank you, Mistress,” he murmurs.

“I have a few more people to greet, but.” Yoruichi leans down, pressing a kiss to Ichigo’s forehead. “You have a good time tonight. He’s such a good employee, I hope you reward him for how hard he’s been working for me. Best damn bartender I’ve ever had.”

Ichigo, bless his heart, sways on his knees before beaming. “Thanks, Yoruichi-san!”

“So,” Orihime says when Yoruichi finally walks away, stretching up a hand to pull the curtains around them, “what are everyone’s limits? And what is everyone into?”

_ Everyone? _ Ulquiorra can feel the moment his heart stops beating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> runs away


	8. an overwhelming level of affection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** bondage, submission & dominance, voyeurism, exhibitionism, spanking, flogging, vibrators, nipple clamps, pegging

“Miss?” Grimmjow clears his throat to get Orihime’s attention, and her soft grey eyes meet his without hesitation. “Why do we need to know each other’s limits?”

Orihime smiles and claps her hands together, stretching out a hand to run through the soft orange mess of Ichigo’s spiky hair. “Well, Ichigo has a bit of an exhibitionist streak. And if the three of you weren’t uncomfortable with voyeurism, I was going to ask if you’d like to watch me play with him. But I also wanted to know what your limits were because if I did anything that made you uncomfortable, it’d be a bad experience for all of us.”

The tension runs out of Ulquiorra’s shoulders and Grimmjow wonders what he was thinking, if he was silently wondering of Orihime wanted to play  _ with _ them in a more interactive experience. Grimmjow has no idea how he’d feel about that given the history between Ulquiorra and Orihime and what happened the last time they played with another Dominant, the experience hardly one he wants to think about right now. But… Orihime is not Aizen, and though she and Ulquiorra had a past to deal with, they seemed to have done that. Maybe Grimmjow just needs to relax and remind himself that Ulquiorra is doing better now, and besides, she didn’t ask about that. Just for an audience to perform for.

“I have no problem with voyeurism,” Ulquiorra says smoothly, and Grimmjow hides a smile behind his hand, remembering the first time with Ulquiorra watching him from the chair. “To my knowledge, neither does Grimmjow. It seems to be a  _ kink _ for Bazz.”

Bazz hums and lets his head loll over onto Ulquiorra’s shoulder. “It is, Sir. I love to watch.”

Once she sends Ichigo off to collect drinks from the bar with them, Orihime runs down the list of things she wants to do to Ichigo while they watch so they can give her feedback on those and let her know if any of it is too extreme for them. None of it is, of course; Grimmjow finds himself pressing his thighs together thinking about some of the finer details. It was hard  _ not _ to find Ichigo attractive considering he was young, fit, handsome, and charismatic as hell. The thought of seeing him naked and begging and pleading while Orihime keeps him strung out on pleasure is exciting and a hell of a turn-on.

“So all of that’s fine, then?” Orihime smiles and nods, bringing her hands together again. “I’m so glad. He was so shy about asking me when we talked about it at home.”

_ Shy? _ Grimmjow says nothing, content to let Ulquiorra play with his hair while he talks to Orihime. “He doesn’t seem shy to me, but you know him far better than I do.”

“You’d be surprised. The first time he ever brought up pegging to me, he almost blushed when I asked which dildo he wanted me to use.” Orihime shrugs and Grimmjow smiles at the thought against his own will. “He’s much better once he’s in the proper headspace, though. He’ll forget you’re watching us, so I’ll have to remind him, of course.”

_ Shit. _ Grimmjow runs his teeth over his lower lip and Orihime catches him, tipping him a small wink. “That sounds hot, Miss,” he says, because saying nothing would be rude.

Orihime hums and cocks her head, finger pressed against her lower lip. “Do you think so, sub? I guess we’ll have to see when he’s on his knees and begging me to come.”

“Are you going to watch us together after that, Miss?” Bazz asks her, and Grimmjow feels a hot thrill in his gut at the thought of that.

Ulquiorra tilts his head minutely. “Do the two of you want to be watched?”

“Yes, Sir,” Grimmjow says automatically, remembering how it felt. When Ulquiorra was watching him and wanting him, watching him come undone. When Bazz was watching him, punished and subdued and  _ wanting _ and unable to touch him.

Bazz hums softly and nods, turns his head and kisses the side of Ulquiorra’s neck. “Absolutely, Sir. I don’t mind being watched at all.”

“Then I don’t mind at all.” Ulquiorra lifts his chin. “Do you want to watch, Orihime?”

Orihime’s smile is wicked. “Of course. I’d love to see how you bring these two to heel. Watching you spank Grimmjow was just an appetizer to me.”

Ichigo returns with their drinks on a tray and passes them out before returning to his knees next to Orihime, preening when she runs her fingers through his hair and down the side of his face. The way he squirms on the pillow belies how excited he is but he sips his drink slowly, his head resting against her knee. The adoring expression on his face is a mood; Grimmjow is sure that’s how he looks when he gets wrapped up in his feelings for Ulquiorra and just can’t tear his eyes away from him, after all.

It’s the same way Bazz looks at both of them, which is something to think about.

When they’ve finished their drinks, Orihime rises to her feet and gives the leash in her hand a gentle tug. “Come with me, pet. We’re going to go to a private room together.”

Ichigo rises to his feet, all fluid grace, his face flushing just slighting when Ulquiorra stands as well, Grimmjow and Bazz following behind him. “We’re all going together, Miss?”

“Yes, pet.” Orihime gives the leash another gentle pull and Ichigo falls into step behind her, his head bowed neatly, his hands folded in front of him. He’s such the perfect picture of obedience like this that Grimmjow almost misses the excited smile on his face, the way he looks like his steps are almost bouncing as he hurries after his Domme. The fact he has so much height on her is  _ adorable, _ but he’s not gonna say it and get spanked again.

The room they step into was made for an audience. There are couches surrounding a bed set lower to the ground so that the view is excellent, and another couch in front of the far wall where there are silver rings embedded into the wood, handcuffs and chains hanging from them. There’s also a couch set in front of a low table on the other side of the room and it’s there that Orihime leads Ichigo, helping him sit on the edge of the table as she unhooks the leash. Ulquiorra leads them over and sits in the center of the couch. Bazz and Grimmjow bracket him once more; it just feels  _ right _ to do it this way.

Orihime leans closer to Ichigo, dropping her voice so low that only he can hear it, his cheeks heating up as she combs her fingers through his hair. When Grimmjow can pick up her words, it makes his face warm. “You look so handsome tonight. Look how happy they are to get to see you like this. You’re going to make me so proud, pet.”

“Of course, Miss.” Ichigo wets his lips and shivers when Orihime kisses him on the temple.

“I’m going to turn on some soft music, okay?” Orihime kisses near his mouth again and Ichigo’s eyelids flutter. “Sit here and look pretty for me, baby.”

Ichigo sits up straight with his hands folded in his lap while Orihime sets her phone in a dock on a small shelf, the music that winds through the room soft and soothing. It makes Grimmjow relax as soon as he hears it, and he can see some of Ichigo’s muscles soften as well. Do they use the same kind of music in each scene? Probably so.

“I want you on your hands and knees for me, Ichigo.” Orihime tells him without turning around, her back still to him. It doesn’t matter; Ichigo moves instantly.

The couch is positioned at a long side of the table so that they get the best of both worlds, able to track Ichigo’s expressions and able to see the sweet curve of his ass hidden beneath tiny black leather shorts. When Orihime comes to stand next to him, she rewards him with a kiss, then picks a length of chain from the shelf beneath the table, looping it through the collar and securing him to one of the o-rings attached to the top. Ichigo trembles all over for just a moment, Orihime petting down the line of his back.

“What a pretty boy you are.” She tops at the waistband of his shorts, tracing it down to where it presses into his stomach, fingers slipping beneath. “Are you getting hard already? Excited to have an audience? They want to see you begging for me.”

Ichigo whines softly when Orihime’s hand palms over his groin, his cock already straining against the leather. “Miss, please. The shorts are so tight.”

“Are they? Maybe I should pull them down, hmm?” Orihime taps a finger over the button before slipping it free of the leather. “Let you breathe just a little bit. Do you want to?”

“Yes, Miss, please.” Ichigo presses down against her hand, panting softly when Orihime squeezes him before taking her hand away entirely, making him whine in loss.

She takes her time unbuttoning and unzipping his little shorts, and Grimmjow can already see the hot flesh of his cock before she shimmies the leather down his hips. She catches his cock when it springs free, flushed and swollen, the tip wet with pre-come that she smears over his length with her fingers. His ass is tight and perky, and she pets a loving hand over it before pulling his shorts down, leaving them around his thighs. Trapping him in place, keeping his thighs close together.

“Is that better?” Orihime’s voice is softly sweet as she strokes a hand over his cock once more, drawing a low moan from Ichigo’s throat. “You make such cute noises, pet.”

Ichigo thrusts into her hand shamelessly. “Thank you M-Miss. Oh, please—”

“Not yet.” Orihime smiles softly when Ichigo whines at her, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. “Stay with me, pet. It’ll feel so good if you wait for it. Can you wait? For me?”

“Yes, Miss.” Ichigo nods, the chain attached to his throat jingling softly.

Orihime walks around behind him, her hands rising to cup his ass, squeezing the cheeks softly until Ichigo makes a soft noise in answer. There’s something about the way she squeezes and gropes his ass, spreading him wide and stroking her thumb down the shadowy seam between his cheeks. The chain attached to his collar jingles softly every time his body jerks in answer to her, his thighs trying to spread wider but encountering the band his shorts have become, unable to move. She leans in and kisses his ass, giving it a pat before she picks up another length of chain from under the table, this one coming with two leather cuffs. At the sound, Ichigo turns to look at her and what she’s holding.

“Are these okay, pet?” She holds one of the cuffs where he can see it. “I’m going to take your shorts the rest of the way off, but I want you staying in place, so I’m going to put these around your ankles. Do you want to feel them?”

“Yes, please.” And Orihime walks around the table, setting the cuffs where Ichigo can touch them, rubbing the leather between his fingers. “These are fine, Miss.”

Again, Orihime kisses him and returns to standing behind him, helping him shed his shorts and carefully cuffing each of his ankles and attaching the chain to another o-ring. The two sets of chains mean he’s kept just where she wants him and Grimmjow has to admit that he looks  _ amazing _ like that, the peachy shade of his skin already flushing sweetly pink in areas, his cock straining and damp. Unable to really help himself, he lets out a low whistle.

The reaction is instant; Ichigo whines and ducks his head, his cheeks blushing a soft pink. Ulquiorra drops a hand to Grimmjow’s thigh, rubbing up the length of it, not squeezing in warning like he expects at all. Curious, he nips Ulquiorra’s earlobe.

“Not mad at me for making noise, Sir?” he asks, and Ulquiorra looks up at him.

“Of course not, sub.” Ulquiorra cups his jaw and kisses him, giving his cheek a slight pinch. “You should be as vocal as you can be for him. Let him know how much you appreciate him.”

Bazz’s arm stretches out on the back of the couch, his fingers brushing over Grimmjow’s shoulder. “You look so good like that, Ichigo,” he says. “I could just eat you up.”

Orihime smiles and strokes a hand down his spine to quiet him when Ichigo squirms and whines more. “What do you think, Ulquiorra? How does he look?”

Instead of answering right away, Ulquiorra stands and walks around the table in slow-paced footsteps that echo softly against the hardwood and over the soft music. Grimmjow feels his gut go hot at the way Ulquiorra takes each step, how intimidating he can seem in this role, his viridian eyes dark as they sweep over Ichigo’s body. He steps right in front of him, clearing his throat so that Ichigo looks up at him. It takes quite an effort from the way he squirms and shivers, but he does manage it, so Grimmjow is impressed.

“Very pretty,” Ulquiorra praises him, and Ichigo pants softly. “I’m going to look forward to watching her pick you apart until you’re crying for her to take you.”

The tone of his voice goes straight to Grimmjow’s cock and he can hear Bazz swearing as he shifts, pushing the heel of his hand down against his own groin. Ichigo lets out a breathy cry and his head sinks down to the table, the chain pooling on the wood as he quivers under the weight of Ulquiorra’s compliment. The little smirk on Orihime’s lips says it all; that was exactly the reaction she was looking for from her pet.

“I’m going to warm you up now.” Orihime steps away from the table and toward the wall of implements, picking up a flogger, stretching out her leg and testing it against her thigh thoughtfully. “I think this should do nicely. We’ll start right here.”

Grimmjow expects her to whip Ichigo right away but she doesn’t, tucking the handle of the flogger into his hand as she walks toward the dresser just below the shelf, opening the drawers one by one until she finds what she was looking for. She comes back to the table with a bottle of lubricant and a plug, and Grimmjow’s mouth goes just a little try at the thickness of it. She’s going to flog him with that still inside of him.

“You’re going to feel so full,” Orihime tells him, slicking her fingeres with lube as she comes to stand behind him once more. “I’m going to get you good and ready, pet.”

Ichigo arches his back, pushing his ass toward her and Orihime giggles softly, stroking her fingers along the crack of his ass slowly before sliding two fingers inside of him. They go in slow and smooth to the first knuckle and Ichigo’s head falls back on a breathy exhale, thighs shaking as he spreads them wider for her. She croons to him and works her fingers in and out slowly, the slick wet sucking sounds of his hole clenching around her making Grimmjow’s cock harden further beneath the leather. The hand Ulquiorra keeps on his thigh wanders over, thumb stroking over the bulge.

“You’ll be an excellent performer when it’s time,” he muses, and Grimmjow whimpers.

Orihime’s free hand teases along the insides of Ichigo’s thighs, rubbing the soft skin there while two fingers move to three. When she’s satisfied, she slicks the plug, making sure it’s shiny before teasing the end of it between his cheeks. Ichigo’s hips roll backward and he groans loudly as it slowly sinks in, head thrown back, his face damp with sweat, the fingers around the flog handle trembling. Unable to help himself, Grimmjow licks his lips. Ichigo looks  _ edible _ like this, straining and shaking as Orihime pushes the plug inside.

She makes sure the base is nestled in against him before giving his ass a gentle pat. “Very good, pet. I’m proud of you.” Then she  _ slaps _ and Ichigo jumps, the skin reddening just a little from the force of it. “Let me warm you up before we switch to the flogger.”

Her hands seem almost too gentle to deliver the smacks she does, Ichigo pushing himself back up on his hands as she spanks him. The noises are loud and obscene and Grimmjow realizes there’s lube slicked over her palm so it stings a little more, ensuring that Ichigo’s ass is a warm pink by the time she’s satisfied with the work she’s done.

“Such a pretty boy.” Orihime kisses his hip, fingers moving to the base of the plug, twisting it just a little until Ichigo whines softly. “There we go, just where I want you. Give me the flogger now, pet. I want you to be a nice, pretty red.”

Ichigo has to stretch his arm back to hand her the flogger but he manages it and Orihime croons in approval as she gives the flogger a shake to untangle the fronds. When she snaps them against his ass, he throws his head back around a breathless sound, fingers gripping the edge of the table. The position pulls the chain taut, choking him just a little, but he looks so lovely just like this. When Orihime strikes him again, Ichigo moans properly, hips wriggling as he squirms. With the cuffs and the chain, he can’t move much. Orihime coos to him between strikes, his ass shifting from a deep pink to a bright red.

“How are you doing, pet?” Orihime walks around in front of him, gripping his chin and lifting it. His lips are bitten red and swollen, his mouth slack, drool running down his chin. “Give me a color. I want to make sure that you’re still with me, sweetie.”

Ichigo’s eyelids flutter. “Gr-green, Miss.” He presses his mouth against her hand, tongue lapping at her fingers like a puppy desperate to please.

“My good, sweet boy.” Orihime kisses his forehead and sets the flogger aside. “Look at them watching you. They can’t get enough of the sweet noises you make for me.”

Grimmjow’s exhale comes out in a shaky laugh and he nods, groaning softly when Ulquiorra openly palms his erection through his leather pants. “You have such a cute ass, Ichi.”   


“I wanna take a bite out of it,” Bazz says, his face lightly flushed, pupils dilated.

Ever the cool and collected one, Ulquiorra smiles softly. “You’ve performed very well for us so far, sub. We’re having so much fun watching the way you please your mistress.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Ichigo looks directly at him and Grimmjow doesn’t miss the open want there and  _ fuck, _ has Ichigo been thinking about that? “Miss, I’m thirsty.”

Ulquiorra’s hand comes down on Grimmjow’s thigh, squeezing. “Get him water from the refrigerator, sub. Be a good boy and help him drink.”

Grimmjow nods and rises to his feet, steps slightly strange with how hard he is, how the leather stretches across his cock. The refrigerator reminds him of the ones back at Las Noches, just nondescript things you’d see in a university dorm room. He picks out a bottle of water and twists the cap so it’s open when he comes back to Ichigo, a finger slipping beneath his chin to hold him in place while he lets him sip. He can feel how hot Ichigo’s skin is like this, see how dilated his pupils are.  _ Fuck, _ he’s so pretty.

“Can I give him a kiss, Sir?” Grimmjow asks, looking at Ulquiorra through his lashes.

He sees the long and considerate look on Ulquiorra’s face before his expression smoothes out and he nods, hand palming the nape of Bazz’s neck as he does. Grimmjow asks Orihime for permission as well, and then he’s given it, he leans down and presses his lips to Ichigo’s. They’re soft, wet and cold from the water and so fucking sweet it makes his gut tighten. When Ichigo’s tongue shyly brushes against his, Grimmjow deepens the kiss, but just a little. His mouth is cold from the water and his tongue is slick and yeah, he’s hot. Grimmjow is really into how hot Ichigo looks like this, how well he kisses.

When he returns to the couch, Ulquiorra gives him a considering glance before leaning in to peck Grimmjow on the lips. “Very kind of you to give him a moment of brevity, sub.”

“Thank you, Sir.” And in the back of his mind he wonders what Ulquiorra would say if he suggested they should do more than just watch. But not now. Maybe later.

“You took that so well, pet, I should give you a reward.” From beneath the edge of her corset, Orihime tugs out what appears to be a small remote. “We’ll start at two.”

She presses a button and Ichigo jumps, his mouth falling open around a strangled sound and Grimmjow hears Bazz swear, watching him shift on the couch in reaction to the realization that the plug inside of Ichigo can vibrate. The way his knees shift restlessly on the table is cute, his head falling down against the table right now as he whimpers.

“I know it’s intense.” Orihime strokes Ichigo’s hair tenderly. “Can you handle it?”

Ichigo nods, pressing up against her hand. “Yes, Miss. I just needed a minute.”

“My very good pet.” Orihime presses down on his head until it rests on the wood once more, fingers rubbing over the back of his neck. “I hope you feel so full inside.”

Even giving him time to get used to the sensation of the vibrations doesn’t mean that Orihime just lets him go; she grips the end of the plug and twists it again, pulling it out just a little before thrusting it back in. Ichigo gasps and rolls his hips back toward her hand and Orihime giggles softly, slowly fucking him open with the plug. Pre-come drips from the tip of his cock and onto the table, and Grimmjow shoves a fist into his mouth around a low groan at the thought of the puddle forming underneath him.

_ Naughty boy, making such a mess, _ he thinks just as Orihime presses the plug back inside and leaves Ichigo to adjust to that, his thighs trembling as she takes the remote out.

Grimmjow can  _ hear _ the moment it gets faster and Ichigo makes a frustrated and desperate noise, fingers clawing at the wood of the table as he no doubt struggles to control an orgasm. Orihime coos to him, fingers running through his sweaty hair, pushing it back from his face as she brings her head closer to his. Grimmjow can imagine her soft, honey sweet words as she anchors him and Ichigo clings to her hand with both of his.

“Are you enjoying the show?” Ulquiorra catches Grimmjow by the chin, making it impossible for Grimmjow to look away from his eyes. His expression is serious. “Be honest, sub.”

Grimmjow nods immediately. “He makes such pretty noises and he can’t control his reactions at all, Sir. It makes it so much fun to watch him.”

“I agree. There’s something so charming about that.” Ulquiorra kisses him on the cheek before letting him go and Grimmjow rubs his jaw, unable to ignore how manhandled he feels or how much it turns him on when Ulquiorra just uses him however he wants to.

“Let’s see if we can get you all the way up to five,” Orihime says, and Ichigo whines softly, a sweet noise. The chain between his ankles rattles. “Can you go that far without coming?”

“Yes, Miss.” Ichigo wets his lips, the slick pink of his tongue sliding over them, hanging out a little as he tries to breathe. His poor face is bright pink, a testament to how hard he’s already been trying to hold off with the stimulation. “I can hold on for you.”

Orihime’s smile turns only a touch wicked. “Do you want something to ground you, pet?”

“ _ Please.” _ Ichigo’s knees slide just a touch wider apart and Grimmjow can imagine the ache in his hips and thighs from holding position, but he doesn’t complain. Doesn’t try to use a safeword to change position. “A-anything, Miss, please.”

Again, Orihime disappears to the dresser. “Grimmjow, would you please give him another drink of water? He’s starting to sweat, so he’s going to need the hydration.”

Grimmjow looks to Ulquiorra, who gives his thigh a squeeze. “Go. Tell him how lovely he is.”

The command has Grimmjow on his feet faster than should be possible and he rounds the table, picking up the bottle of water and offering to Ichigo, wiping the sweat off of his forehead as he does. His bright brown eyes are glazed with need but there’s a smile whispering at the corners of his mouth, proof that he’s enjoying himself, that being brought to his limits is what he wants. He’s so  _ pretty _ like this, riding the edge of pleasure, the vibrations locked securely inside of him with the promise of growing more intense.

“You’re  _ amazing, _ ” Grimmjow tells him truthfully, switching the bottle from one hand to another, letting his hand cold and damp with condensation smooth over Ichigo’s face. His skin is warm and Grimmjow wants to nuzzle into it, but he knows better. “You’re so fucking beautiful worked up like this. You have  _ no _ idea how turned on I am.”

“Yeah?” Ichigo laughs a little and leans in close, dragging his tongue over Grimmjow’s fingers. “Maybe we should do something about that sometime.”

_ Shit. _ “You serious or you just trying to be a little cock tease?”

“Maybe both.” Ichigo swears softly, adjusts his position and Grimmjow wants to  _ touch, _ wants to see if his ass feels as plush as it looks, squeeze that flesh between his fingers, feel it still hot from Orihime’s hand and the flogger. “You’ll just have to find out.”

Orihime is at Grimmjow’s side before he notices her presence, her hand light and cool as it comes to rest on his shoulder. “Thank you, kitten. You’re  _ such _ a good helper, I really appreciate that. I hope Ulquiorra rewards you. You deserve it.”

She leans up on her toes and kisses him on the jaw and Grimmjow feels his face flush at her words, unable to help how that affect him right now. Ichigo isn’t the only one who’s keyed up, after all. But for now, he only bows his head to her and returns to Ulquiorra’s side once more, not missing the firm hold that Ulquiorra has on the back of Bazz’s neck. It’s taking a lot for Ulquiorra to stay calm and relaxed right now, especially when Orihime dumps something down onto the table, the soft clatter catching Grimmjow’s attention.

“Fuck,” Ichigo states plaintively before laughing a little. “Go for it, Miss. I’m game.”

“Are you sure?” Orihime tips his chin up. “Give me a color, pet. I want to be sure.”

Ichigo smiles at her, and Grimmjow can almost see it in his face, just how much he loves her. “Green, Miss. I want it. You know how bad I want it. I’m  _ shaking. _ ”

Orihime kisses him and picks up what Grimmjow realizes is a nipple clamp, her fingers tracing a path along his chest to pinch and squeeze until Ichigo’s fingers bite into the table once more. He lets out a little shout when she attaches the first one just the same and Grimmjow bites his lip, thinking about the bite, the pain, the sting. And he hardly has time to process that before she attaches the other one, fingers tracing along a delicate silver chain between them before she gives it just a gentle tug.

The reaction is instantaneous. Ichigo yells and drops his head down onto the table, his thighs trying to squeeze shut except the cuffs keep them in place. Orihime’s fingers are still wrapped around the chain until Ichigo lifts his head again, and she  _ yanks _ and he all but screams, white knuckling the table, back arched, his entire body shaking. But he doesn’t tap out and Grimmjow feels the breath leave his lungs at the sight of him.

He  _ wants _ and he  _ wants _ and all he can do is fist his hands together on top of his thighs, shoving them under his legs and trying to ignore the way Ulquiorra stares at him.

What can he say? He’s  _ horny, _ and Ichigo is putting on a hell of a show.

“The next level is four. Just one to go after that.” That’s all the warning Ichigo gets before Orihime clicks the remote again and he wails pitifully, straining against the chains between his ankles and the one attached to the collar, the chain Orihime still holds. Arching too far away from her only pulls on it and Ichigo nearly sobs.

Grimmjow is so caught up in watching Ichigo that his expression only minutely shifts to Orihime, and when he does, the realization is profound. Her eyes are soft and warm as she watches Ichigo, a slight edge of concern on the surface even as she croons to him, giving him an anchor— her voice— to keep himself grounded in the bite of pain and the bliss of pleasure. Her eyes never leave his face, not once, not as he writhes and struggles. Always watching him, always looking after him to make sure he’s taking everything well.

The overwhelming love in her eyes makes something in Grimmjow’s chest unfurl. He doesn’t have to think about it for more than half a second to know that Ulquiorra likely looks at him just like that when the two of them are in a scene together. It makes his chest swell and he feels oddly emotional, blinking back tears at the thought of how much Ulquiorra cares, how much Orihime clearly cares for Ichigo. And in the very back of his traitorous mind, he wonders if Aizen cared about them half as much when all fell apart.

“Grimmjow.” Ulquiorra’s voice has not lost its dominant edge and that more than anything else steels Grimmjow and helps him breathe until he feels better. “Do you need to stop?”

He shakes his head and turns, and Ulquiorra’s hand is there to cup his jaw, guiding him down into a reassuring kiss. “I’m okay. I just got a little into it for a second. I’m good.”

The rough hand on the back of his neck has him looking up to see Bazz’s concerned expression and it just  _ dawns _ on him when it should have a thousand years ago, that Bazz looks at  _ both _ of them like that. It’s not just about the sex games, not just a submissive happy to be close to his partners— It’s  _ more _ and  _ fuck, _ Grimmjow doesn’t know how he feels about more. Winter ended cold and harsh and broken and spring dawned something bright and tentative and new… He’ll think about it. They’ll  _ all _ think about it.

“You okay?” Bazz’s voice is low, subdued, trying to make it a private moment.

Grimmjow tilts his head and kisses Bazz’s arm, watches the way his pupils dilate. “I’m good,” he says, and he means it. Right now, he can  _ definitely _ mean it.

The moment passes and he turns his attention back to Orihime and Ichigo, whose attention has not wavered from one another this entire time. Grimmjow turns just in time to see Orihime give Ichigo a small nod, and Ichigo smile up in her in return, and then her fingers give one final click and his entire body tenses impossible, every muscle straining. He’s slim but built and it shows, and Grimmjow thinks some of the moisture on his face might be true tears now but he still holds through the fifth level without coming. When Orihime finally kisses him and turns the vibrator off, Ichigo’s entire body falls down onto the table gracelessly, his limbs trembling as he pants and shakes.

“You’re such a good boy, Ichigo.” Orihime’s fingers are careful but capable, unhooking the chain from his collar, fingers slipping beneath the leather to rub over the skin of his throat. “Such a pretty boy, putting on such a nice show for everyone.” When Ichigo whines around the clamps being gently removed, Orihime soothes him with her mouth, her tongue running over the abused red flesh until he quiets. “I’m so proud of you. I always am. You’re so strong, so  _ good _ for me.” Just as careful with the plug, though Ichigo only makes a small noise, head resting on his bicep. “And now I’m going to reward you for it.” The ankle cuffs come off and Orihime helps Ichigo roll over onto his back, petting down his chest.

Grimmjow expects her to touch him now but she doesn’t, stepping back instead to untie the lacing at the bottom of her corset. The laces part at her insistence, soft peach skin peeking through the white before Orihime shrugs out of it entirely, the generous spill of her breasts exposed to the air as she lets the coat fall to the ground at her feet. She shimmies out of her short skirt and lets it fall as well, and Grimmjow makes a small noise in the back of his throat when he realizes she’s wearing a harness around her hips.

“There’s a really nice one in here I think you’ll like.” The harness accentuates her ass as she walks to the drawers for what Grimmjow assumes is the last time, coming back with an obscenely bright blue dildo, painstakingly realistic. “What do you think, pet?”

Ichigo nods excitedly up at her. “That one’s perfect, Miss.”

“Here.” Orihime slips an arm under his head and has him drink more of the water before she slips the dildo through the straps of her harness, pulling herself up onto the table with ease. It takes Grimmjow a moment to realize she’s still wearing her white heels.

The rest of the lubricant she spreads across the surface of the dildo before wrapping her fingers around it— they don’t  _ quite _ meet around the girth— and pressing the head against Ichigo’s slick and stretched hole. He makes a small noise up at her, his eyelids fluttering shut as he gives his hips a little roll, helping her ease the tip inside, gasping a little when it eases in. He takes the whole length of it so well, his thighs falling open as Orihime settles between them, so welcoming and open. She giggles a little and leans over him, hand braced on the table as she kisses him, her other hand on his face, fingers so gentle on his cheek.

“My pretty boy,” she murmurs, and Ichigo smiles up at him, unabashedly enjoying the attention and the praise. “I’m going to fuck you until you come now.”

Her hands slide down his sides and over his hips, under his thighs and into the bends of his knees so she can wrap his legs around her, his ankles locking in the small of her back. Every movement is slow and calculated, the rhythm smooth and easy but the little noises Ichigo makes in the back of his throat are proof that he’s enjoying it. Little hiccuping moans, some of them cut off and breathless around another thrust. His cock bobs against his stomach, leaking pre-come onto his abdominal muscles.

Orihime doesn’t touch him, though, only runs her hands over the rest of his exposed skin, her honey-sweet words falling from her lips in a continuous stream. “My pretty  _ baby, _ I’m so proud of you. Look how beautiful you are, look how well you did. I’m so proud of you.”

Ichigo reaches for her and she leans over him so he can touch her, his hands wrapping loosely around her upper arms because he seems to just want to touch her, to get as much contact as possible. They might as well not even be here anymore, none of the small noises that leave Grimmjow’s throat seem to draw their attention at all.

“You’re going to come for me so pretty,” Orihime tells him, and Ichigo whines softly up at her, head falling back, his eyes squeezing shut. “You’re so close, I know. You held on so tight. But it’s okay now, pet. You can let go. Come for me, Ichigo.”

When he does, it’s with a weak cry, his thighs flexing against her hips but Grimmjow can see the mess he makes of his stomach without her ever having to touch his cock. Orihime tilts his head and kisses him, and Ichigo grabs at her, pulling her down closer to him, desperate for her touch and warmth. Only when his body subsides into the soft aftershocks of orgasm does Orihime lean away, hips shifting so she slides out of him.

Ulquiorra stands slowly and Grimmjow and Bazz both follow him, and the three of them applaud. The sound makes Ichigo jump, his eyes sharpening as he looks at the three of them before hiding his face in Orihime’s hair. She only laughs and pets him, at any part of him she can reach while she croons to him and praises him.

“Fuck, that was incredible.” Bazz’s eyes are bright and he sways closer to Ulquiorra. “You gonna fuck us up in front of her? Because I’d be all over that right now.”

“When Ichigo is taken care of, then yes, I plan on doing just that.” Ulquiorra lifts his gaze to Grimmjow, as if challenging him; Grimmjow only grins down at him and nods.

Orihime helps Ichigo sit on the edge of the table and moves fast but efficiently, wiping him down with a damp towel, running it through his hair, pressing kisses to his face and lips while he blinks drowsily at her. She helps him off of the table so she can wrap him in a blanket and sets him down on the couch, plying him with snacks and more water and juice as she wraps herself around him, letting him lay his head on her chest. She wriggles out of the harness so he can rest on top of her properly and he looks so  _ sweet _ .

“What do you say to them, Ichigo?” Orihime asks him, stroking a finger down his nose.

Ichigo yawns and snuggles deeper into her chest. “Thank you,” he singsongs, too cute.

“We’re going to give you two a moment to collect yourselves while I decide what I’m going to do to these two,” Ulquiorra says, the dark promise in his words making Grimmjow’s gut tighten. “It was a lovely performance, Orihime. We thoroughly enjoyed it.”

Smiling, Orihime runs her fingers through Ichigo’s hair. “He and Grimmjow were really pretty together, weren’t they? Maybe we can all play together sometime.”

The offer has Grimmjow’s eyes widening a touch and he looks at Ulquiorra for his reaction, expecting— He doesn’t know what to expect, to be honest. The two of them have a history that he has no part of, that Ichigo has no part of. Does he know all the details, even?

But Ulquiorra only smiles pleasantly and bows his head once. “Maybe we can do that.”

_ Oh. _ Grimmjow sways on his feet just a little at the thought of that, but he thinks they’ll talk about it more at home when they have a better chance to discuss it. For now, Ulquiorra leaves them standing there, walking around the room in slow, measured steps.

Bazz slides up next to him, arm slipping around his waist, pulling Grimmjow up against him and pressing a kiss against his lips. “You excited? It’s been so damned long.”

“Too long,” Grimmjow agrees, and he thinks he sees something like relief flicker in Bazz’s eyes. They  _ will _ have to talk about that but for now he reassures through touch alone, fingers skating over Bazz’s scalp as he leans in to give him a more proper kiss.

The fact he’s kissing a dude he used to jack off to while he was fantasizing in the shower is not lost on him, especially not when the arm around his waist slips and Bazz palms his ass, squeezing it hard, pulling Grimmjow’s groin up against the hard line of his thigh. The friction is  _ perfect _ and Grimmjow could get off just rutting against him like this.

Which brings back an  _ uncomfortable _ memory about Aizen and almost ruins the moment.

“I can’t wait to peel those pants off of you. Tease.” Bazz smacks him on the ass and startles a laugh out of him, bringing him back to the moment, to Bazz warm and solid right against him. The here and the now, and not the past. “But your ass looks great in them.”

“Thanks. It’s why I bought ‘em.” Grimmjow thumbs under the waistband in appreciation of how the leather clings to every centimeter of his legs, showing off his muscles.

Bazz’s hand wanders around his hip, fingers brushing over just the edge of his erection and drawing a soft sound of want from Grimmjow’s lips. “I can’t wait to see that ass again, wanna shove my tongue in. You felt like fucking heaven around me last time.”

Grimmjow still jerks off to that, being bent in half with Bazz fucking him through the mattress to the tune of the song he’d written specifically about BDSM sex. The engagement party at Las Noches when they’d all gotten into so much needless trouble.

There’s no way to get in trouble here, and that thought excites him. They don’t have to be worried about morning phone calls and headlines this time around.

“All right,” Ulquiorra announces, “I’ve made my decision. Let’s move to the bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after we get done at shunko, aizen's going to go visit shinji and you guys can see byakuya submit if you wanna~


	9. and i'll tell you what to do

Before that evening in Las Noches, Bazz had no idea what he wanted when it came to BDSM other than the edge of pleasure and pain that can make it such an addicting dynamic to so many people. The pretty blond submissive who offered to show him the ropes could have been anyone, honestly; Bazz was uncertain whether or not he wanted to be a Dominant or a submissive to tell the truth, thinking he might be able to figure it out if he could just talk to someone who knew about this better than he did. But standing in this room with Ulquiorra’s green eyes fixed on his own, bearing down on him greater than any weight ever has, tells him what he’s known since that night.

Bazz is a submissive, and the man he wants to submit to is Ulquiorra Cifer.

The desire to please him burns through his veins hotter than any desire ever has and when Ulquiorra stretches a hand toward him, summoning him closer, his knees are shaky and prepared to bend at Ulquiorra’s command. All he would need to do is ask.

“What happened the last time you were in a scene with us, sub?” Ulquiorra asks him, his voice clear and deep and resonating along Bazz’s spine like a song.

He wets his lips before he can speak, his mouth so dry. “You had to punish me for speaking out, Sir,” he says, remembering the sting of the burn in his face, the strain in his cock while he watched Ulquiorra work Grimmjow over and knowing there was  _ nothing _ he could do, not even jerk himself off. “When I apologized properly, you rewarded me by letting me have sex with Grimmjow.” He swallows hard, then adds, “I hope it pleased you, Sir.”

“You pleased me, sub.” Ulquiorra smiles and Bazz has to lock his knees to stay on his feet. “Do you remember how you apologized to me for your bad behavior?”

He does, remembers how soft and warm Ulquiorra’s skin was under his hands, under his lips and tongue, how Ulquiorra responded to his touch. “Yes, Sir.”

“Undress Grimmjow and do the same.” Ulquiorra squeezes his hand and lets it go, and Bazz feels like there is a faint ringing in his ears at the thought. “He was quite worked up by the performance and I want him properly centered, and I believe you can do that quite well.”

_ Shit. _ Bazz nods and turns to Grimmjow, who studies him with wide eyes. “As you wish, Sir.”

He can see Orihime helping Ichigo up and moving him to the couch by the bed as he steps forward, fingers sliding under the edge of fishnet, pressing it up Grimmjow’s toned abs and just admiring how good he looks bare, taking his time to work the shirt up and off of Grimmjow’s body. Ulquiorra was serious, and Bazz knew that much from the noises Grimmjow made while watching Ichigo, but it’s different to see his flushed skin up close, see the ridge of his cock under the leather and how hard his nipples are, how his breathing is already picking up just a little when Bazz leans in to kiss him.

Grimmjow’s mouth is lush and soft under his own and Bazz glories in how it feels to kiss him, nudging Grimmjow’s lips open with his tongue, curling it around Grimmjow’s own as his hands come to rest on those broad, strong shoulders. He puts so much work into his body and it shows, the muscle hard as Bazz’s fingers begin their slow descent down his arms, tracing his biceps, feeling Grimmjow shiver beneath his hands. Drumming fucks his hands up; his fingers are callused and he knows it must be rough but Grimmjow seems to press into it, leaning into it until Bazz’s kisses need to trail lower to accompany his hands.

He runs the flat of his tongue over a hard nipple and Grimmjow moans softly, head falling back, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. Bazz’s fingers brush over it, feeling the swell of it under his thumb, tracing the slope down to the small hollow at the base. He has such nice skin to go with the muscles, a warm natural shade that makes Bazz think of sun-drenched mornings. He nips  _ just _ a little when he kisses across Grimmjow’s chest, dick throbbing when Grimmjow whimpers, reaching for him.

“Don’t touch him, Grimmjow.” Ulquiorra’s voice is smooth and dark and Bazz feels like a dark-gloved hand has just stroked along his spine. “Not yet. Just let him touch you.”

“Sir,” Grimmjow whines, and it’s such a pitiful little sound that doesn’t seem like it could have come from a man like him, especially coupled with the way he delicately squirms.

But Ulquiorra remains firm. “That will come. For now, do as I say. Do not touch him.”

“Yes, Sir.” Grimmjow’s arms fall to his sides and Bazz smiles against his skin, lowering himself to his knees, fingers tracing the lines between his abs, tongue following shortly.

He can feel it when Grimmjow’s breathing picks up, when he tries to hold his breath and fails miserably. Bazz’s tongue brushes over the soft blue hairs trailing beneath the leather pants and then his fingers move toward the fastening, working the button free and the zipper down. The leather creaks with every movement, loud in his ears, reminding him that he’s on his knees and removing Grimmjow’s pants and he almost loses his breath when he finds nothing underneath, but that makes  _ sense _ because there are no creases.

Working the leather down Grimmjow’s legs takes some effort because it’s tight but that just gives Bazz an excuse to skip his cock for now, mouthing at his thighs, hands squeezing and groping the firm cheeks of his ass. When he gets the leather all the way down, he helps Grimmjow out of his boots too until he’s barefoot, and  _ then _ he licks a wet stripe up the side of his cock, tastes the heat of his arousal, the tang of his pre-come. It has Grimmjow swearing softly, hands curling into fists, bare toes pressing into the floor.

“Isn’t he lovely, sub?” Ulquiorra’s fingers barely ghost the side of Bazz’s neck, a touch that has him startled. “Tell him how beautiful he looks now that you’ve touched his body.”

Bazz sits back on his heels and looks up the length of Grimmjow’s body, hands fidgeting as they come to rest on his own thighs, admiring how flushed Grimmjow’s skin is. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Grimm,” he says, and his voice is rough and throaty, making him think of how shitty Yumichika sounds after a long show. “You work so hard on your body and it shows. I’m so in awe of how amazing you are, and I’m so lucky to get to touch you.”

“More, sub,” Ulquiorra urges. “Give him distinct compliments. Detailed ones.”

Saying this feels  _ strange _ because God, Bazz means it. He means it in more ways than he should, maybe, but he  _ does. _ “When your smile and your eyes crinkle up and they get so damned blue, I feel like I’m drowning in them. Your hair’s so soft I love getting to run my fingers through it, it’s so wild but it suits you. I don’t even know how you’re so good to cuddle when you’re all muscle but you are, it’s like hugging a big jungle cat.”

Grimmjow huffs down at him, but Bazz can see the flush in his cheeks. “Thank you.”

“Very good. Very nice.” Ulquiorra’s hands rest firmly on Bazz’s shoulders, keeping him pinned in place more adequately than actual iron weights would be able to. “Now, Bazz, you’ll stand and Grimmjow will do the same for you. I like seeing you treat each other nicely and knowing that you have respect for one another’s bodies.”

_ Respect, _ Bazz thinks as he rises to his feet, feeling Ulquiorra’s warm breath on his spine.

“Sir?” Grimmjow’s voice is soft and low and it makes Bazz’s gut feel hot and tight. “Can we perhaps do this on the bed? I want to undress him and then touch him.”

Ulquiorra hums softly. “I don’t see why not, sub. You may do that, then.”

Grimmjow’s smile has just an edge of a smirk to it. “Thank you, Sir.” And then he hooks his fingers in Bazz’s harness, curling them around the leather and tugging him just a step closer before he reaches behind him to unhook it. The fact he can do so in such an easy fashion is just a little bit thought provoking and then he leans in and kisses Bazz, sweet and soft, just lips and tongue and Bazz could  _ never _ turn him down. Not for anything.

His fingers are adept at unfastening pants, as it turns out, and he has Bazz out of his boxers and boots and back on the bed in seconds, crawling up onto the mattress after him, all smooth rolling muscle and  _ fuck, _ he’s doing it on purpose. The cat analogy always gets to him and he’s showing off now, hands coming down hard on the mattress making Bazz jump just a little at how close he is, how forceful that comes off.  _ Fuck, he’s so sexy. _

Soft lips feather kisses across his jaw and Bazz’s eyelids flutter as his head falls back; dully, he realizes Ulquiorra has come to sit on the side of the bed, watching them quietly.

There’s a tease to everything Grimmjow does, a hint of tongue and teeth as he drifts from Bazz’s jaw to his throat, teeth pressing into the skin there, threatening to leave a mark he would wear with pride. While Bazz was pretty content with winding him up, purposefully licking him where he was sensitive, Grimmjow  _ doesn’t _ do that, keeps his kisses down the center of Bazz’s chest, breathes hot along the inside of his thigh and doesn’t touch his cock. It’s almost  _ painful _ to be teased to his extent, but Bazz loves it.

Grimmjow might be a big jungle cat after all, but he’s a kittenish tease when he wants to be, and he’s showing off now for  _ both _ of them. And for Orihime and Ichigo.

When Grimmjow sits primly on his knees, straddling Bazz’s waist and holding himself up so that Bazz can’t grind up against the swell of his ass, he smiles down at him. “I missed you,” he says, and that makes Bazz’s heart  _ lurch. _ “We never get to spend enough time together. The way your face lights up when you see us again after a long time spent away from each other makes me feel so warm inside. It’s how I know you care about us.”

_ What the hell? _ Bazz feels his lungs tighten in response and can do nothing but blink dumbly at Grimmjow, aware he’s being complimented, aware that his face is  _ burning _ and not sure what to do about it. How do you respond to something like that?

“You’re handsome as hell, but you know that. Ain’t nothing the tabloids haven’t already told you.” Grimmjow runs a finger over his ribs. “But they don’t get to see the real you. You’re so warm and kinda goofy and you worry so much about us. You’re so sweet. I’m glad that we get to spend tonight with you. And I trust you, so much.”

“Thank you.” Bazz has to swallow his heart back down out of his throat to speak the words.

Ulquiorra’s hand smoothes down Grimmjow’s face and Bazz looks up at him, at the glow in his viridian gaze. “Trust,” he says, “is so important for any relationship, but particularly this kind of relationship. Because you have to trust your partner to take care of you, to respect your boundaries, to know what will be too little or too much. Grimmjow, I want you to trust me tonight. I’m going to instruct Bazz on what to do to you.”

_ Holy fuck. _ Bazz feels his eyes blow wide but Grimmjow only smiles and nods, turning to nuzzle the palm of Ulquiorra’s hand. “Yes, Sir. I trust him to take care of me, Sir, and that you’ll watch over me and keep me safe. Just like the first time, right?”

Ulquiorra’s smile is bittersweet. “Yes, my love. Just like the first time. Are you ready?”

_ The first time? With Aizen? _ Bazz feels like his heart is just going to beat out of his chest, holy  _ fuck, _ they really are trusting him with too much here but he endeavors not to fuck this up because they  _ trust  _ him, and he wants… He wants them to feel they can.

When Ulquiorra looks at him, Bazz feels a current of electricity roll down his spine. “There are chains with cuffs on the wall, sub. I want you to chain him to this bed on his back. He’s going to be completely at your mercy. And you’re going to blindfold him.”

“Yes, Sir.” Bazz can hardly imagine being at someone’s mercy to that extent, his head spinning at the prospect of Grimmjow being like that  _ for him. _

He rises from the bed and retrieves the chains that Ulquiorra spoke of, along with a black silk scarf that should be opaque enough to serve as a blindfold. It’s easier to put the latter on first, fingers careful of Grimmjow’s hair because the last thing he wants to do is knot the blindfold in Grimmjow’s hair and hurt him. Once he has it in place, Ulquiorra slides up to check his work, one finger brushing the edge of it against Grimmjow’s cheek.

“How does that feel, sub?” Ulquiorra asks, and Grimmjow hums and nods. “Good. Lie down.”

Grimmjow is all smooth muscle and the hard rise of his cock laying against his stomach and the way his body lies relaxed and waiting, fingers slightly curled. Bazz is gentle with the cuffs, securing the leather to his wrists and ankles, tracing the ligaments and bones beneath his skin and just  _ enamored _ with him. When he glances toward Orihime and Ichigo, he finds that Ichigo’s little post-scene haze has faded, that he’s sitting up and watching intently while Orihime rubs soothing circles into his blanketed back.

He chains Grimmjow’s wrists to the posts first so he knows how far to drag his body down the bed, gripping him by his calves and  _ pulling, _ smirking a little when Grimmjow makes a little noise in the back of his throat. Oh yeah, Bazz remembers how much he likes being manhandled, how Bazz’s hands on his body, folding him into different positions, made him feel. If he’s got even half a chance, he definitely wants to do that again.

Once the last chain is in place, Ulquiorra checks the bonds, then runs his hand down Grimmjow’s hip. “With words, sub, tell me how you feel right now.”

“Good. It’s nice, being tied down.” Grimmjow pulls experimentally at one of the cuffs. “Leather’s soft. I like being on display, too. I like it when you two look at me.”

“That’s good to know.” Ulquiorra brings his hand down on Grimmjow’s thigh  _ hard, _ the slap of skin making Grimmjow jump as pink blooms across his flesh. “Give me a color.”

“Green, Sir.” Grimmjow licks his lips, slick and pink and shiny and Bazz  _ wants _ him.

Ulquiorra tilts his head. “Orihime, would you like a closer look at him? Bazz, watch Ichigo.”

Nodding, Bazz drops down on the arm of the couch, running a soothing hand up and down Ichigo’s back while Orihime rises and walks around the bed, her eyes trailing over Grimmjow’s exposed skin before she smiles and stretches a hand out to pet his hair. It’s a light and delicate touch and Bazz mirrors it, combing his fingers through Ichigo’s hair, unsurprised when Ichigo sighs and leans against him, warm and comfortable beside him.

“Thank you for taking care of him for me, Bazz,” Orihime coos when she comes back to the couch, helping Ichigo crawl into her lap, his head resting on her chest.

“Of course, Miss.” And when Ulquiorra crooks a finger, Bazz rises again.

The riding crop Ulquiorra holds out to him is sleek leather and Bazz takes it, running his fingers over it, flicking it against his own thigh, hissing softly at the sting but nodding. Ulquiorra watches him with a liquid hot gaze, running a hand across his shoulder blades as he walks behind him, tantalizing in his proximity but never close enough. But Bazz knows his duty and walks around the bed, waiting for the command.

“Here.” Ulquiorra points to Grimmjow’s stomach, and Bazz strikes the spot immediately.

The way Grimmjow jumps and gasps makes Bazz’s cock throb, but he knows better than to make this about himself. Soft tanned skin blooms pinker and he bites his lip, watching Ulquiorra pace around Grimmjow’s bound body like a predator, leaving Grimmjow trembling in anticipating until, without a word, he indicates Grimmjow’s hip and waits. Bazz strikes again, and Grimmjow hisses softly, wriggling on the bed sheets.

“Very good, sub.” Ulquiorra’s eyes are fixed on him and Bazz swallows hard. “Continue to please me and I will let you have what you want so very much from me.”

Bazz stares at him for a moment, blinking, confused. “What do you think I—”

“I know,” Ulquiorra says simply, and Bazz just nods because arguing with him seems like a mistake at the moment. “Here,” he says, and points to Grimmjow’s bound bicep.

It feels like a tantalizing game, Ulquiorra pointing out places on Grimmjow’s body and Bazz responding, watching pink and red blossom on Grimmjow’s skin like flowers while he writhes and gasps and moans softly. Pre-come leaks from the tip of his cock and onto his stomach, and Ulquiorra presses his lips to Bazz’s ear to whisper the command so Grimmjow can’t hear. Bazz drags the tip of the crop through that wet spill, pressing it against Grimmjow’s lips until he opens his mouth and  _ licks _ it, sucking on the soft material.

“Taste how much you’re enjoying this, sub.” Ulquiorra pets a hand down the soft inside of his thigh, and a meaningful look from Bazz has him moving again.

The crop comes down on the sensitive inner flesh of Grimmjow’s thigh and he throws his head back with a little cry, cock bobbing against his stomach, leaking more fluid onto his abs. He’s so damned sexy like this, tied up and at their combined mercy, not even able to see the way Ulquiorra stalks like him a sexy leopard or something.

This time, Ulquiorra leans in, chasing the sting away with the wet swipe of his tongue, leaving that spot of skin gleaming beneath the lights. “Do you like the pain, sub?”

“Yes!” Grimmjow’s answer is immediate, his head tossed back against the sheets, fingers curling at empty air. “It feels so good, Sir, I love the way it stings and burns.”

“Very good.” Ulquiorra brushes his finger over a nipple and meets Bazz’s eye.

The crop comes down as soon as he moves his finger, Ulquiorra crooning softly when Grimmjow swears, head thrashing against the sheets when Bazz does the other. He doesn’t have to be told, and he can see the flare of pleasure in Ulquiorra’s gaze.  _ Fuck, Sir, please. _

Not being able to do anything but follow Ulquiorra’s commands has his skin on fire and his dick rock hard and he doesn’t know  _ why _ being bossed around like this feels so good, just that it does. That the anticipating building in his gut at the thought of what reward Ulquiorra has in store for him is paralleled to the wait that Grimmjow has to go through while Ulquiorra chooses each place for Bazz to hit. When Ulquiorra finally tugs the riding crop out of his hand, Grimmjow is panting harshly, skin flushed red in places.

“Here.” The bottle hits him in the chest and Bazz’s reflexes let him catch it, the label letting him know it’s an oil meant to soothe the pain. “Take your time with him, sub.”

“Can I get on the bed with him, Sir?” Bazz asks, already imagining leaning over Grimmjow, teasing him with the promise of the warmth of his body only to give him nothing more than his hands. He wants to see every little minute twitch and tremble up close.

Ulquiorra inclines his head. “You may, sub,” he murmurs, his tone thoughtful.

Bazz is a big man and can reach the highest points of impact kneeling beside Grimmjow’s body, careful with his arms and then switching to kneel between his bound thighs to work on his chest. He rubs the oil between his palms to warm it before touching Grimmjow’s bare skin, taking his sweet time massaging the tension out of his limbs as he goes. His thumbs brush over Grimmjow’s nipples, stiff and swollen and he shudders when Grimmjow moans, arching up against his hands, rubbing up against his palms.

“You’re so sexy,” he murmurs, fingers tracing the hard lines of Grimmjow’s pectoral muscles, pressing into where they swell out from the rest of his torso, that soft line of flesh. “I could get off just getting to touch you like this, Grimm.”

“I’d kill to see that,” Grimmjow murmurs, and Bazz laughs, massaging his abs as he works his way down, eyeing the length of Grimmjow’s cock and thinking about what he could do with it. His fingers brush over the base and Ulquiorra makes a tutting sound, so he stops.

He gets to be up close and personal with Grimmjow’s thighs, though, which is just as good in his opinion. Equally soft flesh and hard muscle, so sensitive to the touch, so responsive that squeezing and rubbing them has Grimmjow moaning, bucking up against the air, rutting his cock against it. There’s a puddle spreading on his abs now.

“Very good, Bazz.” Ulquiorra’s hand is on the back of his neck, squeezing so tight it makes his breath catch in his throat. “Put your hands back on his chest now.”

Leaning over, Bazz presses his hands to Grimmjow’s pecs, feeling Grimmjow’s nipples pressing against his palms as he wants for a command. The room is almost too silent for a moment, Ulquiorra running the tip of his tongue along the inner fold of his lower lip.

Bazz wants to kiss him. Wants to devour him, worshipping him at his feet.

“Pinch his nipples,” Ulquiorra tells him. “Hard. He likes the pain, so give it to him.”

“Yes, Sir.” It’s almost hard to want to hurt Grimmjow like that but Bazz reminds himself that Ulquiorra knows what’s right and so he does it, gripping the soft sensitive flesh between his fingers and pinching hard until Grimmjow keens and arches his back.

_ Fuck, he’s gorgeous. _ Every reaction is so perfect, every sound out of him making Bazz’s dick harder than it was before. He’s panting harshly at the sight, unable to ignore how it makes his gut burn when Ulquiorra’s next command comes on Grimmjow’s whine. “ _ Pull. _ ”

He does and Grimmjow  _ yowls, _ and Bazz thinks his ears are ringing with the sound.

“Again, sub,” Ulquiorra says, and Bazz does, watching Grimmjow try to arch up, to lessen the pain, and knowing he has to pull harder because Grimmjow is doing that.

“Fuck, it hurts.” Grimmjow sniffles and Bazz’s heart thuds harder against his ribs, desperately so, but he doesn’t safeword so Bazz doesn’t stop, just pauses to let him rest.

The third time, Grimmjow hiccups and Ulquiorra presses his hand to the back of Bazz’s head. “Use your tongue to make him feel better, sub. Let him know he’s appreciated.”

He’s being  _ asked _ to touch Grimmjow now and he doesn’t hesitate, leaning over him, lapping over one of his sore nipples, sucking it gently until Grimmjow moans softly. It’s hot beneath his tongue, hard from how rough he’s been but Grimmjow presses up against his mouth, coaxing more out of him, so he gives Grimmjow everything he has. The slick wet swipe has Grimmjow panting softly and that’s before Bazz touches the other one, suckling it just as carefully. Ulquiorra purrs down at the both of them, pets his hand down Bazz’s spine until Bazz feels like he’s going to melt from the soft and sure touch.

“Tell him how pretty he is,” Ulquiorra commands. “Tell him how much you appreciate him.”

“You’re so hot, Grimm.” Bazz licks over his nipple again, sucks harder. “I love that you let me do this to you, let me touch you like this, be vulnerable for me. It’s so fucking sexy.”

Ulquiorra bears down on him and Bazz shudders under the pressure of his touch, almost drooling on Grimmjow’s chest. “Tell him how you really feel, sub.”

_ What the hell? _ Bazz swallows hard around the tightness in his throat.  _ How far is too far?  _ “You’re so fucking brave, Grimm. Doing this for an audience, doing it for us, for me. I wanna wrap you up and tell how you fucking amazing you are for going through with it again.”

Grimmjow whimpers softly up at him and Bazz just wants to  _ kiss _ him. “Thanks, Bazz.”

“‘Course, baby.” And Bazz risks it and does kiss him, lavishing that sweet mouth with care.

“Very good.” The satisfaction in Ulquiorra’s voice is impossible to miss, the way he rakes his nails down the back of Bazz’s neck sending a shudder down his entire spine that Grimmjow can probably feel beneath him. “Now uncuff his ankles for me.”

Uncuffing Grimmjow’s ankles means getting off of him and Bazz  _ really _ does not want to but disobeying Ulquiorra would be worse— he still remembers the bite of that slap, the suddenness of it and how he carried that sting for hours. So he climbs off of Grimmjow and frees his ankles from the soft leather, rubbing the feeling back into them, thumb smoothing over the press of bone beneath his skin. He’s such a pretty boy.

Ulquiorra walks around the bed and removes the chain from one of the posts, and Bazz is about to ask him what he’s doing when he just crawls over Grimmjow’s body, dragging him over onto his side to attach the chain to the opposite post. It leaves Grimmjow trapped on his side, his back and ass exposed and vulnerable, and Bazz almost knows what’s coming before Ulquiorra grabs him by the hair, hauls his head back.

“You’re going to spank him,” he says simply. “Whether you keep him on his side or lay him facedown on your lap does not matter to me. So choose quickly, sub.”

_ Shit. _ Bazz would have never guessed those delicate fingers could rough him up like this.

He moves fast, sliding up onto the mattress once more, helping Grimmjow roll the rest of the way over onto his chest, watching him pillow his cheek against one bicep. He’s flushed and the edges of the blindfold are damp but he only wiggles in excitement when Bazz drags those long legs over his lap, smoothes a hand over the expanse of his ass. It’s all firm and tight but still soft enough to get a handful of and squeeze, something he knows all too well considering how much he’d groped Grimmjow their first time together.

This time, Ulquiorra gives him no room to breathe. Instead, he gets onto his knees behind Bazz, presses his chest against Bazz’s back, knees digging into the mattress. “Start slow,” he murmurs, lips brushing against Bazz’s ear with each word. “Touch him, feel how soft his skin is. Admire him. Small slaps at first to warm him up. Do you remember how I did it?”

“Yes, Sir.” Bazz could never forget and acquiesces, smoothing his hand over Grimmjow’s ass again. The way Grimmjow presses up into his touch doesn’t go unnoticed, and he tries really hard to ignore how it feels to have Grimmjow’s cock pressed against his thighs.

When Ulquiorra nips at his neck, Bazz slaps Grimmjow’s ass, little ones at first, watching the way his cheeks bounce, skin starting to warm up to a soft pink. He can feel the skin growing hotter under his hand too and it must feel like a hell of a lot more to Grimmjow, who would be used to Ulquiorra’s smaller hands. Bazz’s are much larger and rougher.

Grimmjow hiccups softly and Bazz pauses, fingers pressing into the flesh, spreading that heat, watching Grimmjow squirm down against his lap. “It h-hurts,” he murmurs softly.

“Color, sub.” Ulquiorra stretches out a hand, running his fingers through Grimmjow’s hair.

“Green.” Grimmjow’s hips arch just a bit, pressing his ass against Bazz’s hand. “Pl-please—”

Before he can finish that sentence, Bazz cuffs him on the ass again, hard enough that the thud of flesh against flesh even has him wincing, has Grimmjow crying out softly. But he doesn’t safeword so Bazz smacks him again, his palm stinging with the heat of it, the pain, the buzz beneath his skin making his cock throb. Grimmjow only presses back into him, trying to get more of that bite, that pain, so Bazz gives it to him. Gives it to him while Ulquiorra breathes hot against his air and Ichigo makes tiny noises on the couch.

When Ulquiorra catches him by the wrist, Bazz stops. “How are you doing, sub?”

“Me?” Bazz blinks at the question, and Ulquiorra nods against him. “I’m fine, Sir.”

Ulquiorra hums softly, squeezes his wrist. “Bring him back down. He’s done.”

Gently, Bazz rests his hand on Grimmjow’s ass, smoothing his fingers over the inflamed flesh while Ulquiorra leaves the bed. He comes back with a cold pack in hand, wraps it in another scarf and presses it into Bazz’s fingers, so Bazz is careful, lays it against Grimmjow’s skin and pets down his blushing back to help him come back down while the ice helps his skin cool down. He only makes a few small noises, mouth open against his arm, drool trickling over his skin. With gentle fingers, Ulquiorra removes the blindfold.

“All good?” he asks Grimmjow, who snuffles soft laughter and nods up at him. His eyes are so unbearably warm, something Bazz didn’t think blue eyes could do. “Very good job, sub.”

Ulquiorra uncuffs Grimmjow’s wrists and then turns to Bazz, fingers coming up to cradle his face, oh so delicate as he leans in to press a careful and very  _ kind _ kiss to Bazz’s lips. It’s night and day, the difference between this man and the one who had been bearing down on him minutes ago, but it makes something in Bazz’s stomach flip and he leans into the kiss without even thinking about it. This is his Quiorra, who he trusts and  _ loves _ even if that’s a bad, bad thing for him to be doing right now.

“You did a very good job for him.” Pale fingers comb through his hair, the mohawk having long since lost its shape. “Taking such good care of him and giving him what he wants.”

Bazz wets his lips, his mouth feeling far too dry. “Thank you, Sir.”

“Will you make him come now?” Ulquiorra’s thumb presses against his lower lip and Bazz wheezes softly at him. “With your mouth like you did for me. And then I’ll reward you.”

He’s nodding before he can even really process it all. “Yes, Sir, yes.”

Grimmjow’s ass is still sore so he lies on his side and Bazz lets those gorgeous thighs wrap around his head, stroking a hand up the firm length of Grimmjow’s cock. Part of him thought he’d been too rough, hit him too hard but Grimmjow is straining in his hand, flushed purple and wet at the tip, so desperate for more that Bazz has no doubts just how much he enjoyed himself. Lazy fingers card through his hair as he takes just the head between his lips, curling his tongue around it so he can really taste. There’s the tang of sweat and the bite of pre-come and Bazz groans despite himself, Grimmjow’s thighs seizing up against his head at the way the sound vibrates his flesh.

He likes giving head an unreasonable amount which got him into no end of trouble when they toured with Sternritter but now it just gets him Grimmjow moaning and panting above him, his hips making aborted little motions like he wants to fuck Bazz’s throat and just doesn’t have the energy. That’s good to know, good to think about riling him up enough that he’ll do it properly because Bazz has  _ no _ gag reflex and he likes to show off.

“Very good, sub.” Ulquiorra’s fingers are cool against his scalp and Bazz shivers but doesn’t stop moving, bobbing his head to take Grimmjow in as deep as he can, nose brushing against ice blue curls as he swallows. “You have such a nice mouth. It felt like heaven on me.”

The memory of sucking Ulquiorra off before coming here makes Bazz  _ want _ but he focuses on Grimmjow instead, humming around the length of him, pushing his tongue against the vein running up the underside of his shaft. Every press of his tongue makes Grimmjow squirm, thighs rubbing against his cheeks, pressing down against his scalp. It hurts but in a good way, a way that Bazz knows he’s going to be a little dizzy when he’s done.

Ulquiorra must be right behind him based on how close he is. “Tell him, kitten.”

“It feels so fucking good,” Grimmjow rasps, and then his hips  _ snap _ and Bazz’s hands scrabble for purchase on his thighs, coaxing him into doing it again. “Fuck, his  _ tongue— _ ”

“I know.” And then there’s a soft wet noise and Bazz glances up to see them kissing and it makes his gut clench hot and tight with how fucking stupidly  _ happy _ he gets every time he sees them together, being in love and being happy and—

When Grimmjow comes, it’s with a cry muffled by Ulquiorra’s lips and his thighs clamp down and it  _ hurts, _ but Bazz swallows just the same, working him over until he’s squirming away because he’s too sensitive. Laughing, Bazz sits up slowly, looking down at him, all heavy eyelids and mussed hair and sweaty flushed skin. He’s a hell of a sight.

“Let me take care of him, sub,” Ulquiorra murmurs, “and then I will properly reward you.”

“Do you want me to help?” Bazz’s voice is blown, a fucking mess after that blowjob.

Pressing a bottle of water into his hands, Ulquiorra shakes his head. “I can do it. Drink and wait for me. I’m going to get him moved over onto one of the couches.”

With an expert precision, Ulquiorra wraps Grimmjow up in a blanket, pressing kisses to his face and hair and whispering fond words to him as he sits him down next to Orihime, who frees up a hand to stroke his face. He has water and chocolate and when Orihime promises to keep an eye on him, Ulquiorra turns back toward the bed, viridian eyes considering. Bazz just finishes the water, not sure what to say or what to do. It had almost felt easier when Grimmjow was involved because he could divert his attention.

Having Ulquiorra staring him down like this makes him more turned on than he has words for, but it also scares the living shit out of him in more ways than he can explain.

He feels like he’s going to say something he shouldn’t every time he looks at Ulquiorra.

“How do you feel, sub?” Ulquiorra asks him, crawling up onto the bed with him, coming to sit right in Bazz’s lap, perched on top of his thighs like he belongs there, fingers stroking down the hard line of Bazz’s jaw. “I know that must have been overwhelming for you.”

“I liked it, Sir. It was… A lot.” He isn’t lying, but a part of him had gotten a huge thrill out of watching how far Grimmjow could go, being the one to take him there, being able to trust Ulquiorra to know Grimmjow’s limits, to guide him. “I’d do it again pretty happily.”

Ulquiorra’s smile is soft and he presses a kiss to Bazz’s lips, brief and soft. “Very good. I promised you a reward. I believe I know what you want from me, sub.”

Bazz swallows hard and tosses the now empty bottle of water away. “What do you…”

He trails off when Ulquiorra’s fingers close around his wrists, raising his hands until he presses Bazz’s fingers against his own bare midsection.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck.  _ That alone is enough for Bazz to nod, his skin feeling hot and too, too tight as he looks down into Ulquiorra’s eyes, that vibrant rich green brimming with laughter because all of this is probably really funny to him, Bazz’s desperation to touch him, to please him. The last time they’d played together, he’d been all over Ulquiorra but it was in apology and not in the open wanting worship that Ulquiorra deserves for being as amazing as he is.

“I do want that, Sir.” He doesn’t know what else to say, helpless faced with his greatest desire right here in front of him, pressing into his fingers. “Is it… It is okay—”

Ulquiorra lets go of his wrists, wraps a hand around the back of his throat and kisses him. “Of course it’s okay, sub. I told you I wanted to give you what you wanted from me. It was what you wanted the first night we played together. You said it yourself, didn’t you?”

_ Our hands, our mouths, this body. _ “Yes, sir.” And he kind of wants to die remembering it.

“You were such a good boy for me tonight.” Ulquiorra kisses him again, and Bazz could die happy from how many of these kisses he’s gotten tonight, lips tingling from them, head dizzy and cottony. “Took such good care of Grimmjow for me, followed all of my commands. I want you to touch me, to do to me what you’ve been wanting to do to me all this time.”

_ You don’t even know the half of it, Quiorra. _ After all, Bazz has been pining his ass off for months now, and he hardly doubts that getting into his head about that right now is going to lead him down any positive paths. If anything, he might just risk setting himself up for heartbreak, which is something he’s done enough times to know he’s damned good at it.  _ They got out of a shitty relationship not that long ago. Do not pressure them into it again. _

Ulquiorra’s fingers are soft on his cheek. “You’re drifting, sub. Come back to me now.”

“Is it really okay, Sir?” Bazz asks him, and Ulquiorra nods, pressing his slender chest up against Bazz’s own, fingers sliding back behind his neck, squeezing tight enough to make him shiver. “I just want to put my mouth and hands all over you.”

“You’ve never been with just me before, so I’ll have to tell you what I like and how to do it.” The challenge is there, the set-up clear; Bazz will touch Ulquiorra how he wants to be touched, and that sends a thrill straight through Bazz’s gut to his dick. “Grimmjow has had years to learn what I like. Do you think you can pick it up nearly as fast, sub?”

Bazz nods, smoothing his hand up Ulquiorra’s back, under the thin material of his crop top. “I’ll do anything to make you feel good, Sir.” That, at least, is complete honesty.

When Ulquiorra presses a hand down against his chest, Bazz falls back against the mattress, content to let Ulquiorra sit atop him, straddling his waist, the weight of his slender body hardly a discomfort. With the lights overhead framing his head like bright halos, Bazz is yet again dazzled by him and wonders when this is going to stop. When is he going to be able to be normal about all of this without feeling like his heart is going to beat itself free of his ribs every time he looks at Ulquiorra?

“Such a good sub.” Ulquiorra’s nails drag down the front of his throat and Bazz shudders around a low moan at the touch, rolling his hips up against Ulquiorra’s. “So willing to do what I ask of you. I’m going to repay you for how good of a boy you’ve been for me tonight.”

Bazz’s hands are still on Ulquiorra’s body and when Ulquiorra lifts his arms over his head, Bazz takes the hint, pulling the shirt over his head and off, watching the material pool at his fingertips before he tosses it aside. He looks better than the last time they played together, more filled out, skin a healthier hue and Bazz just  _ looks _ at him, running his fingers over Ulquiorra’s pale skin, watching it pink underneath his fingertips.

“Here, sub.” Ulquiorra takes one of his hands and brings it down, and he remembers unfastening Ulquiorra’s jeans earlier this evening, remembers pressing his fingers into the slits of denim to touch the skin beneath. “Remove these. I want you to touch me.”

It only takes one hand to unfasten his jeans but it takes both to help him out of the fabric and then Bazz’s hands are there, stroking over his pale thighs, admiring the tiny briefs clinging to his cock, hard beneath the fabric. He wants to palm Ulquiorra through the cotton, rip them down and suck him off again or finally get a chance to play with his ass properly, stretch him out and leave him panting and satisfied.

There are too many options and Bazz’s head is spinning with what Ulquiorra will ask.

“Be good for me, Bazz.” Ulquiorra takes him by the hand, brings the cup of his palm over his cock, rolls his hips into it, “and I’ll be oh so nice for you.”

“Yes, Sir,” Bazz breathes, and he knows in his heart that he’s never going to be able to get over them. He’s not even sure he has it in him to care what that means anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor bazz is in so deep. also this just hit 50k and i'm just. i don't have words anymore. you guys are the best and i love you all so much for helping me get to here. i'm not going to abandon bleach by any means but i'm having some serious tokyo ghoul feels lately about uta and i might be writing a yomouta fic soon so if you like both~


	10. a reward well-earned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** oral sex, rimming, anal sex, bdsm elements

There is a certain quality in the way that Bazz touches him.

Not noticing would make Ulquiorra a bad Dominant especially when Bazz’s fingers brush over his bare skin so reverently, when his eyes always go soft upon meeting Ulquiorra’s own. The way he’d fallen so quickly to his knees in the apartment says it all in more ways than anything else could, and Ulquiorra should have known then and there that there was  _ more _ to Bazzard Black than he and Grimmjow have seen so far. That maybe he only shows them the best parts of himself, keeping certain things locked away. Always trying to be the best friend he can be to the two of them.

There is no ignoring it now, no missing it. Bazz looks up at him with warm eyes and touches him with rough but careful hands and Ulquiorra swallows hard at how large those hands are on his hips, how easily Bazz could manhandle him down onto the bed if he wanted to do so. But he doesn’t, letting Ulquiorra remain on top of him, still straddling him. With nothing but the thin fabric of his briefs between them, ensuring that Ulquiorra can feel how hard Bazz is against him, how hot his skin is. He’s made him wait entirely too long.

But perhaps he is crueler than that, pressing his thighs together, rubbing soft fabric and softer skin against Bazz’s cock just to hear the way his submissive’s breath goes ragged for him. Pupils dilated so wide, swallowing up the jade green of his eyes. He looks like he’s about to fall apart from his alone, and Ulquiorra can feel the wetness of pre-come on his thighs, the promise that Bazz is aroused for him. Ready for him.

“How do you want me, sub?” Ulquiorra runs a hand down the length of Bazz’s chest, his fingertips tracing invisible patterns just above Bazz’s abdominal muscles. He’s  _ strong, _ just as strong as Grimmjow is. “Do you want me on top of you or beneath you?”

Bazz’s breath hitches at the question, the hand cupped over Ulquiorra’s cock massaging him through the fabric with a sure and steady touch. “I can have you any way I want?”

“Yes.” Ulquiorra drags his teeth over his lower lip, watching Bazz scrunch up his eyebrows as he no doubt tries to decide for himself what he wants. To distract himself from the slow heat pooling in his belly, he wraps a hand around Bazz’s cock, gives it a firm squeeze, feeling the veins throb beneath his fingers. “I’m sure you want to put this inside of me.”

The statement has Bazz wheezing; it would take all of Ulquiorra’s effort to take him, as large as he is. Even Grimmjow struggled with his size and admitted to Ulquiorra afterward that if Bazz hadn’t taken such exquisite care of him in preparation, it would have hurt him a hell of a lot. He is sure Bazz will take care of him, though. He always has.

“Against the headboard, then,” Bazz says, struggling a little against the pressure of Ulquiorra’s hand. Eyeing the smooth wood, Ulquiorra hums thoughtfully. “Wanna hold you up against it while I’m fucking you. You don’t weigh anything, Sir. I can manage it.”

The thought of being subject to the whims of gravity, pulling him down onto Bazz’s impressive length, makes Ulquiorra’s knees weak. He tries to ignore how uncomfortably  _ empty _ he feels at the thought, too, his body craving that as much as Bazz likely wants it. Watching him and Grimmjow together only brought it home how much he  _ wanted _ them, how much he wanted to touch them, to have them on their knees for him.

And now he has Bazz beneath him and is torn between just riding him, taking what he wants, and trusting Bazz to know how to take care of him to ensure he doesn’t suffer. Because the  _ size _ of him would make suffering likely without careful preparation.

“I can trust you to do that,” Ulquiorra finally tells him, and Bazz exhales like he’s been punched, his eyes widening as he stares up at Ulquiorra. “But you’re going to have to do quite a lot for me if I’m going to take your cock, sub.”

Bazz is already nodding, fingers sliding back, following the thin fabric of Ulquiorra’s briefs, fingers pressing just behind his balls. “I’ll do anything you ask me to do, Sir.”

“I know you will.”  _ In more ways than one. _ “You’re going to lie there while I sit on your face, and you’re going to pay proper tribute to me, sub. I deserve at least that much for guiding you in pleasing Grimmjow as I did. That was only possible because I gave you orders.”

He doesn’t miss the excitement in Bazz’s smile as he nods up at him. “Absolutely, Sir. I’ll be glad to pay Sir any tribute that he demands from me.”

When Ulquiorra rises from Bazz’s hips, Bazz is there to help him get the underwear off, leaving his body entirely nude. He’s not shy when it comes to being naked in front of others, not now, and he only glances minutely off to the side, seeing Grimmjow now sitting up as he watches them, eyes wide with lust. Ichigo is staring as well, and he doesn’t miss the small smile of amusement that touches Orihime’s lips.

It’s good to know he’s capable of giving them a show, after all.

His fingers grip the top of the headboard as he settles with his thighs spread over Bazz’s face, well aware of how exposed this leaves him and not minding at all. He remembers when Grimmjow was like this for Aizen, a memory that sends an uncomfortable bolt of heat through his gut, sudden and jarring. Why is he thinking of Aizen at all?  _ Stay in the moment. There’s no use in thinking about the past at a time like this. _

“May I touch you, Sir?” Bazz asks him, his eyes shining from beneath Ulquiorra.

“Yes.” Ulquiorra swallows when Bazz’s hands stroke up the length of his thighs, fingers splaying over his flesh, digging in just a touch. “Now get to work, sub.”

He knows how intense rimming can be with a partner who enjoys it, had been mindblown how excellent Grimmjow was with his mouth considering how little sexual experience he had prior to that. Almost everything had been limited to Orihime, Uryu, and Chad. And most of that had been Orihime because Ulquiorra limited his sexual practices with Uryu and Chad specifically because he wanted to make Orihime happy and did not true to pursue much more with the two partners he should have tried harder with.

Bazz grips his hips and pulls him down further against his face, tongue stroking over his perineum, pressing up against the spot hard enough to make Ulquiorra’s eyes flutter shut, a soft gasp leaving his lips. His tongue is hot and wet, stoking Ulquiorra’s nerves and reigniting the flush of pleasure in his gut. He balances with his hands on Bazz’s stomach, close to the swell of his cock. It looks painful, purple and dripping onto his stomach.

Before he can think about touching it, Bazz licks him again, harder than the first time. The pressure of his tongue against Ulquiorra’s rim has his fingers digging into Bazz’s abs, a startled little pleased noise leaving his lips. And Bazz  _ groans _ against him, the sound vibrating over that delicate muscle, his head falling back in silent answer.

It had been his mouth on Grimmjow that night, so he knows not the extent of Bazz’s prowess in this area. Bazz seems intent on showing him as quickly as possible, tongue tracing the edge of Ulquiorra’s rim, teasing the puckered folds of flesh there until they contract against his tongue and Ulquiorra bites down hard on his lip, trying to gather himself. It’s hard when Bazz is breathing hot and wet against his hole, pressing his tongue against the edge of his rim before he presses his lips there in a mockery of a kiss.

“You’re beautiful, Sir.” Ulquiorra hadn’t told him he could speak but he doesn’t punish him for that, gasping instead when Bazz almost  _ nuzzles _ against him. “Thank you  _ so _ much.”

When he presses his tongue inside on a wet slide of saliva, Ulquiorra manages a faint chuckle, watching Bazz’s hips jolt a little beneath him. “Of course, sub. When you behave yourself and please me, I’d be willing to give you almost anything you ask for.”

Bazz’s tongue feels like heaven inside of him, direct, pressing against his walls from the inside and leaving him trembling in a matter of seconds. Ulquiorra wants to touch himself to the feeling of it, stroke his cock to the slick thrusts of Bazz’s tongue, the way it curls inside of him, forcing him open just a little more until his breath sticks in his throat and his eyelashes flutter. It’s enough to have the tip of his cock wet, pre-come already beading at the tip to drip down the shaft of his cock. It  _ tickles _ but he tries not to move.

It feels strange, not doing anything like this. Ulquiorra likes being a Dom. He likes the way Grimmjow looks kneeling at his feet, the way Grimmjow trusts him to know how to give him pleasure and the pain he likes without hurting him, to praise him and reward him when all is said and done. He had subbed, and that was… Fine, for the most part. It was all sensation and shutting his own brain off to do whatever he was asked or told to do, trusting the men who Dominated him to do what he needed them to do for him.

When it comes to sexual pleasure, Ulquiorra is excellent at shutting his brain down and just enjoying it. He can feel Bazz’s tongue hot and wet inside of him, sliding against his inner walls, opening him without pain. He can feel callused fingers gripping his skin to hold him in place, the strength in Bazz’s hands perhaps making him feel just a little dizzy. Maybe it’s that they’re being watched right now that motivates him to lean forward.

The height difference between them is substantial enough but Ulquiorra can make up for it just fine— most of Bazz’s height is in his legs, after all. He wraps a hand around Bazz’s shaft, feeling the veins there pulsing against his fingers as he lowers his lips to the head. He presses just a delicate kiss there and feels Bazz jolt beneath him once more.

“Behave, sub.” Ulquiorra brings his hand down on Bazz’s thigh hard enough to make the skin flush pink and Bazz whines softly against his skin. “You know better.”

“Sorry, Sir.” Bazz shifts closer to him, licks over his hole in apology and then thrusts it inside. If he’d been Grimmjow, Ulquiorra would swear he was doing it to push him.

Ulquiorra has been with men who are well-endowed. Chad was, Renji was, and Grimmjow is. But Bazz subtly puts all of them to shame in that department; Ulquiorra makes a small noise in the back of his throat when his fingers do not quite come all the way together around Bazz’s shaft, his brain struggling to figure out the logistics of that as he leans down and licks over the head. If he manages to take Bazz, it’ll be a new personal best.

He can hear a soft moan somewhere from the side of the bed but chooses not to seek out the source of it as he wraps his lips around Bazz’s glans, tongue stroking over the velvety soft flesh, the pre-come heavy on his tongue. Though he’d never discussed it too openly with anyone, he likes oral sex. He likes the way his throat stretches around his partner especially, the slight strain in it, the focus he has to invoke to keep breathing through his nose and not risk choking himself or gagging in the process.

A small noise tugs up from the back of his throat when Bazz’s hand shifts again, thumb slipping through the saliva on Ulquiorra’s skin to press against his perineum, right up behind his balls. It sends a spike of heat into his gut and he huffs air through his nose, still trying to take as much of Bazz as he can. He has to open his mouth wider than he’s used to.

“Sir?” Bazz’s voice is low, husky, blown. His breath hitches when Ulquiorra hums around his cock to show he’s listening to him. “Is it okay if I use my fingers on you now?”

Ulquiorra has no real desire to lift his mouth away from Bazz’s cock but he does, swiping his tongue over his lips, aware of drool trailing down from the corner of his mouth. “Grimmjow, are you able to walk now? I want you to bring Bazz lube.”

“Yes, Sir.” Grimmjow stands, somewhat shaky on his legs, but he does as asked and leans in to steal a kiss from Ulquiorra before giving the small bottle to Bazz.

“Thank you, sub.” And then Ulquiorra slips his mouth back around Bazz’s cock, prepared for the press of cool fingers against his entrance so it doesn’t surprise him.

Bazz’s fingers were large, no large than Grimmjow’s but the size was admirable enough— The first one makes Ulquiorra wheeze softly, eyes fluttering shut as he focuses on the sensation. His body is prepared and relaxed so Bazz slides one finger in easily, past the first knuckle and down to the second. It’s a slow, steady thrust that makes Ulquiorra’s cheeks warm and his body hot, and he wants everything Bazz can give him and more. Maybe a little frustrated noise leaves his lips when Bazz remains slow and gentle with him, but he knows better than to push him. He knows how big Bazz’s cock is.

Slowly, he curls his tongue around the shaft, tongue stroking over the sensitive flesh, soft over the swollen hardness beneath. When Bazz thrusts a second finger in with the first, Ulquiorra has to fight hard not to just rut back on his fingers. He’d done excellent taking care of Grimmjow, and Ulquiorra wants to give him a proper reward for the efforts.

Bazz’s mouth is on his inner thigh, nipping and licking at the skin there, following it up to the crease of his thigh, tongue flicking over his balls. He’s everywhere at once and Ulquiorra can’t  _ focus _ like this but finds he doesn’t mind so much, shifting his thighs wider apart, sinking himself down onto Bazz’s fingers. He tightens around them, feels them rub over his prostate and swallows hard around his cock in response to that.

“Fuck!” Bazz swears but his body remains in place, though Ulquiorra can see the muscles in his thighs jumping, tensing like he wants to thrust up into Ulquiorra’s mouth. “Sorry, Sir, I just… Wasn’t expecting that, I guess. It feels so good.”

In answer, Ulquiorra pets a hand down his thigh, not willing to come up off of his cock.

There’s not much he can do with his hands and he doesn’t trust spit to make penetration less than painful but he cups a hand around Bazz’s balls, massaging them carefully while he bobs his head on Bazz’s cock. It’s messy at this angle, gravity making it impossible not to drool all over Bazz in the process, making every slick glide of his lips wetter and louder, but he doesn’t mind. From the way Bazz moans, his hips twitching up toward Ulquiorra’s mouth in minute little movements that don’t choke him, he’s enjoying himself.

A third finger wedges inside of him and Ulquiorra swallows around him again, pulling up to just lap over the head of his cock, stroking the velvety glans until he feels Bazz’s thighs tremble. Only then does he pull off, taking a slow breath to relax his throat, trying not to let the steady rhythm of the fingers inside of him throw him off.

“I’m prepared for you, sub.” He bites back a groan when Bazz rubs over his prostate, tongue flicking over his balls once more. “You said you wanted me against the headboard.”

Bazz’s fingers slip out of him one by one, dragging over his perineum, smearing lube against his skin. “Yes, Sir,” Bazz says, and his voice is so fucked-out already.

Ulquiorra shifts off of him carefully to avoid kneeing him in the face and gulps air when he sees Bazz’s eyes, so much of that deep green eaten up by the black of his pupils. Before Bazz can move, Ulquiorra wraps a hand around the back of his neck and kisses him, letting Bazz taste the pre-come on his tongue, greedily swallowing the moan he gets in response. His hand loosely wraps around Bazz’s cock, giving it a few strokes that draw a soft, sweet little whine out of his throat. It makes Ulquiorra’s dick jump in answer.

“Eyes on me, sub.” Ulquiorra slips away from him, crawling toward the head of the bed, pushing the pillows out of the way, turning to press his back against the clear space of wood, his heels planted firmly against the sheets as he looks up at Bazz.

He holds that green gaze with his own for a long, breathless moment, the tension between them coiling tightly before he lifts a hand, beckoning him with a single curl of one finger. Bazz crawls to him, all of that muscle on display, rolling beneath his skin, his eyes for Ulquiorra alone. There may as well be no one watching him right now.

“Very good.” Ulquiorra pets his cheek, smiling softly when Bazz nuzzles into his hand, lips rasping against his palm. “You can have what you want now, sub. Fuck me.”

“Sir?” Bazz nips at his fingers. “Do you want me to wear a condom? You told me when I fucked Grimmjow that I wasn’t allowed to make a mess out of him—”

“No.” Ulquiorra pats him on the cheek until Bazz looks at him. “I am giving you permission.”

Bazz shudders and nods, and when he rises up on his knees Ulquiorra remembers just how tall he is a moment before those hands are under his thighs, lifting him off of the bed.  _ Fuck. _ It looks effortless, the way Bazz presses him against the wood, slots himself between Ulquiorra’s thighs just before Ulquiorra wraps his legs around Bazz’s waist to help balance himself. He still feels off and finds his hands gripping Bazz’s broad shoulders, fingers digging into the skin and muscle until he can feel every twitch of movement.

“You’re so strong, sub,” he croons, and Bazz flushes hot.

“I work out, Sir.” Bazz nuzzles his jaw and Ulquiorra tips his head back, gasping softly when Bazz presses reverent kisses to his throat. “Thank you so much for this, I—”

His hand slides up into Bazz’s mohawk, gives it a gentle tug. “This is your reward, sub. Take it. You’ll spend all night thanking me and never doing anything about it otherwise.”

Bazz laughs but nods, and Ulquiorra just manages to reach the lube where Bazz left it, smearing the rest of it over the hot length of his cock before gripping his shaft as firmly as he can, guiding the swollen head between his thighs. He can feel the pressure against his hole, the blunt head so wide that it feels like  _ too much _ right away, breath trying to hitch in his throat. His body’s impulse is to tense but Ulquiorra breathes slowly, relaxes his muscles, and only whines a little when Bazz rolls his hips just enough to sink it inside of him, stretching him so wide his eyes squeeze shut at the pressure.

“I know it’s a lot, Sir.” Bazz’s breathing is ragged and Ulquiorra can tell he’s being so, so careful with him right now. “Just breathe. It’s not as bad as you’d think it is.”

Ulquiorra opens his eyes and  _ looks _ at him and wonders how many men have told him he’s too big to be enjoyable. “Not as bad?” He lets go of Bazz’s cock, grips his chin and  _ pulls. _ “You’re  _ magnificent. _ If I didn’t want you inside of me, you wouldn’t be there. Remember that, sub, and  _ fuck _ me. I told you that you could do that specifically.”

“Yeah?” Bazz grins at him and it’s  _ endearing _ and Ulquiorra feels it down in his chest.

“Yes.” He leans closer, kisses Bazz and wriggles his hips until he sinks down farther. It’s so  _ much _ but he can take it, thighs quivering from the exquisite stretch. “That’s an order.”

His back hits the headboard and it’s jarring but Bazz just shifts position, pressing him into it to keep him there, pulling him down on his cock even as he thrusts up. The push-pull sensation makes Ulquiorra gasp audibly, fingers digging into Bazz’s shoulders once more just for something concrete to anchor himself to. Even with his bravado, Bazz is  _ large, _ and he feels suitably overwhelmed to have the entire length sheathed inside of his body when he feels Bazz’s hips bump gently against his ass. There’s so  _ much _ of him.

“Is it okay, Sir?” Bazz asks him, nose bumping against Ulquiorra’s jaw.

“Yes, Bazz.” Ulquiorra tightens his legs around Bazz’s waist, grinds his hips down and almost whites out from how that feels. “You don’t have to hold back. I’m fine.”

Bazz licks a wet stripe up his jaw. “I didn’t hold back for Grimmjow. Remember that?”

“He screamed and cried,” Ulquiorra murmurs. “I remember, Bazz. Go all out.”

He could be wrong, but he thinks something about those words is a benediction from the way Bazz kisses him, long and slow and wet before he rolls his hips, pulling out just enough to thrust back in. It’s rough and  _ jarring _ and Ulquiorra’s head thumps uselessly against the headboard, his heels digging into the small of Bazz’s back right over his ass.

“Just like that,” he wheezes, and Bazz laughs and kisses him again, repeating the motion.

He doesn’t miss the way the frame trembles with every thrust, the way Bazz holds him firm against the wood while he slides out and fucks up into him. He’d been good with his fingers and they’d used plenty of lube so every wet slide of his cock is filthy, a slick sucking sound that makes Ulquiorra squirm and flush, his cock twitching in answer. Bazz moans long and low in his ear, pulling his hips down a little so that every thrust sinks impossibly deeper, like Bazz is hitting him at the core of his body.

Ulquiorra rewards him for his efforts, moaning with his head thrown back, letting Bazz hold onto him, move him as he wants. His body takes time but it warms up to the size, his nerves shocked into sensation from the way his wide shaft drags over all of them at once. He can feel the stretch all the way down to his rim but he does open up, softening around Bazz, making way for him. And Bazz takes full advantage, fingers digging into Ulquiorra’s hips and thighs as he quickens his pace, panting in his ear.

“Good boy,” Ulquiorra murmurs and Bazz moans for him, grinds into him filthily and steals his ability to tell Bazz how incredible he looks like this, sweaty and flushed and using that raw and trained strength of his to manhandle Ulquiorra like this.

The dull thud of flesh against flesh becomes frantic slaps. Ulquiorra loses his ability to talk at  _ all, _ choking around moans and low cries as he lets Bazz do as he pleases. He’s strong enough that Ulquiorra feels every thrust in his  _ throat, _ toes curling when Bazz’s dick drags over his prostate, stimulating the sensitive nerves there into a near-overdrive that threatens to be too much but never is. It’s a pleasurable little sting that builds to a burn beneath his skin and he pants with it, his breathing building into higher and breathier cries, nails dragging across Bazz’s broad, strong shoulders.

And yet when he looks at Bazz, there’s something so  _ raw _ and vulnerable there that Ulquiorra tries to kiss him. They’re both too caught up in it, a messy wet mesh of tongues and lips more than an actual kiss but it’s the best he can do right now.

Bazz swears softly, presses him harder against the headboard, pulls Ulquiorra’s hips harder against his while he fucks deeper inside of him. His rhythm goes off and he laughs, dropping his head against Ulquiorra’s shoulder, stopping altogether as his shoulders heave.

“Are you well, sub?” Ulquiorra asks him, petting down the side of his scalp.

“‘M so fucking tired out,” Bazz admits, and Ulquiorra feels his chest thud in fondness as he presses a kiss to Bazz’s temple. “Really hate to ask, Sir, but can you ride me?”

“Of course.” Ulquiorra tilts his chin up so he can kiss him, their tongues curling wetly together as he presses himself against Bazz. “Lie down and let me take care of you.”

It takes them a moment to move at all, Bazz sliding out of him and leaving him feeling  _ achingly  _ empty, throwing him off. But he moves, lets Bazz lie down on the mattress and straddles the impressive span of his thighs, hands brushing over his abs once more before he grips Bazz’s cock in both hands. Stretched out beneath him like this, Bazz looks fucking  _ gorgeous _ and if he wasn’t getting rewarded, Ulquiorra would drag this out and devour him.

But Bazz is tired, so Ulquiorra lifts himself, sinks down on his cock in slow little starts and stops until their bodies are wedded together once more. Riding isn’t hard, even though Bazz’s size makes it a challenge. He’s done this with Grimmjow enough that it’s easy to find a rhythm that works for him, hands braced on Bazz’s stomach to keep himself balanced. Riding him is better, lets Ulquiorra sink down too far, feeling his body stretch impossibly before he slides up again. And Bazz moans so sweetly under him, head thrown back against the mattress. Sweat has made his mohawk lose its shape so it’s soft messy magenta on the sheets, curling against his scalp and tumbling onto his forehead.

“Sweet sub,” Ulquiorra croons down to him, his voice lower, deeper, dropping an octave because he just  _ can’t _ right now. “Do you know how good you look under me?”

The question has Bazz weakly lifting his head, his eyes unfocused as he meet’s Ulquiorra’s gaze. “Do I?” He sounds so lost, so exhausted, that Ulquiorra’s heart  _ spasms. _

“You always look so good but now especially.” Ulquiorra purposefully squeezes tight around him, hissing at how that affects  _ him _ but it’s worth it for the way Bazz cries out, bucking up into him, jarring his rhythm a touch. “Lose yourself in it. Let me take care of you.”

“I wanna.” Bazz wets his lips and Ulquiorra can’t resist stretching up his body to kiss him.

He wonders, briefly, what it would be like to fuck Bazz. If he’d be as cocky and self-assured as when he’d fucked Grimmjow or if he’s unravel softly at the seams, sweet and vulnerable, let them see the softer side of him that Ulquiorra thought might have vanished when it came to sex. But it’s the side he sees beneath him now, soft eyes and trembling lips, Bazz’s hands twisting in the sheets as he lets Ulquiorra take him apart.

He’ll have to pick Bazz apart until he knows what makes him tick just to put him back together again, keep him coming back for more until he’s hooked on them.

“You’re so pretty,” Ulquiorra tells him, and Bazz huffs laughter. “You feel  _ perfect _ inside of me, rubbing everything that feels so good and so deep. How is it for you, sub?”

“You’re so tight.” Bazz swallows hard, gulps air like he’s dying. “I just, I can’t, I didn’t know it’d feel like. That it could ever feel like this. You’re tighter than Grimm was.”

Ulquiorra chuckles softly, grinds down and groans at how that makes him feel, but it’s worth it for the way Bazz’s breath hitches. “He’s usually where you are.”

He doesn’t know what it is about those words that has Bazz whining beneath him but it’s great, whatever it is. Ulquiorra keeps a hand pressed down against his stomach, lets the other slide to where Bazz’s cock is moving inside of him, feeling how hot his rim is from the stretch and the friction, his mouth falling open a little. And then Bazz’s fingers are there to feel, rubbing against the muscle until it spasms and Ulquiorra shudders.

“I w-want that, Sir,” Bazz tells him, and Ulquiorra’s heart slams into his throat so hard he chokes. “Next time maybe?” Hopeful, so small, his voice so quiet.

Ulquiorra rocks down on him  _ hard _ and Bazz gasps for him. “Next time definitely.”

He keeps it to himself, the way the thought of Bazz on his dick makes him that much hotter, that much more desperate. But it’s fine because Bazz fucks up into him desperately now, his hips rocking up to meet Ulquiorra’s, clearly closer to his own orgasm, flushed and panting and trembling. Before Ulquiorra can ask, Bazz’s hand wraps around his cock, stroking him furiously fast, the lube making all kinds of wet noises as Bazz’s fingers rasp over his sensitive flesh. He succumbs far faster than he expects, head thrown back, trembling all over, mouth open wide around a desperate sounding cry that Bazz echoes a moment later, hips bucking up. Ulquiorra can feel him come, the wet heat of it.

It takes him a minute to realize, belatedly, that Orihime and Ichigo are returning the standing ovation and that Grimmjow is standing with them, his smile teasing and roguish but nonetheless genuine. Beneath him, Bazz is quiet, eyes closed, lips barely parted, breathing slow and even. Ulquiorra is careful as he slides off of him, leans down to run his fingers through Bazz’s hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“You did so well for me, sub,” he says, stroking the backs of his fingers down the side of Bazz’s face. “Such a good boy for me, aren’t you— Bazz, what’s wrong?”

The minute he touches Bazz’s skin, Bazz’s breath hitches and he squeezes his eyes shut not quite fast enough for Ulquiorra to miss the shimmer of tears there. “I’m okay,” he says, but his voice is low and strained, not him at all. “‘M okay, I’m  _ fine, _ I just, I’m…”

Ulquiorra cups his jaw. “Talk to me, my love. Tell me what’s going through your head.”

“Quiorra?” Grimmjow joins them on the bed, his hand hesitant as it reaches out, but Ulquiorra takes him by the wrist and draws him closer, presses his fingers to Bazz’s cheek.

“Is it sub drop?” Orihime asks him, and Ulquiorra rolls the idea around in his head before giving a nod. It feels much like that. “Oh dear, I’ll get some things for you.”

“Thank you, Orihime.” Ulquiorra is going to owe her for the help she’s giving him.

Ichigo helps as well, bringing them a blanket that Ulquiorra quickly bundles Bazz up in, pulling him up into his lap the best he can given how much bigger than him Bazz is. Once he has room, Grimmjow climbs up onto the bed with them, pressing his cheek against Bazz’s hip, twining himself around his legs and petting a soothing hand down his side. Orihime brings him water and snacks and Ulquiorra tips Bazz’s chin up enough that he can drink, coaxing him and then praising him when he does as he’s asked. Stroking his cheek.

“It’s okay,” he reassures him, brushing away a tear. “Let it out. This is normal. When the endorphins drop, it can be severe. Breathe for me, Bazz, you’re okay.”

Grimmjow squeezes his thigh. “We’re here, we’ve got you. You’re safe here.”

“I’m so  _ fucked. _ ” Bazz laughs dryly and Ulquiorra winces at the sound of his voice, the harsh quality of it. “I’m supposed to do shit on Monday and I fucking… I’m just—”

“Work shit?” Grimmjow asks, brows furrowed when Bazz nods. “Shit, man…”

Ulquiorra presses his lips together; Bazz has commitments with Nozarashi, and he knows that just as well as anyone else. Still, there is no way he plans on pushing Bazz into the limelight if he is, indeed, going through sub-drop. Remembering the way Shinji had looked when they spoke makes his stomach hurt even now, and he remembers what tends to happen when Bazz makes mistakes. He  _ knows _ this is none of his business, not really, but it is. He doesn’t have to be Bazz’s boyfriend to look out for him. That is what he agreed to do when he took up the position as his Dominant tonight.

“You’ll stay at our house for the weekend,” he says, and Bazz looks up at him with distant eyes. “And if you’re still feeling shitty on Monday, then I’ll call Byakuya myself and tell him that you aren’t fit to do anything. I won’t make you try to deal with him.”

Bazz’s eyes widen. “Nuh-no,” he says, shaking his head. “Promised I wouldn’t cause you any trouble and this just means that I’m gonna do that. And I don’t… I  _ don’t _ —”

“I know.” Ulquiorra quiets him, stroking his jaw. “I know, baby, I know you blame yourself for that, I  _ do, _ but it wasn’t your fault then and it’s not going to be in the future. Just let me get you home and in bed, okay? With me and Grimm. Or we can sit on the couch and watch some stupid movies until you want to go to sleep. How does that sound?”

Bazz sniffles and nods, pushing into Ulquiorra’s hand. “Sounds good,” he murmurs.

“I’m sorry it ended up this way,” Orihime tells him, helping him gather Bazz’s clothes while Grimmjow holds him and Ichigo sits and talks to both of them. “You three were magnificent together, though. You’re such a natural. I’d never have thought that when we were still together, but you really figured this out really well.”

“Thank you.” Ulquiorra smiles softly at her. “And thank you for inviting us. This is regrettable, of course, but it’s a normal enough thing, so I’m not too worried about that. I’m sure Bazz wouldn’t cancel out the entire experience just to avoid it.”

Orihime rests a hand on his shoulder, her face unbearably soft. “You’re a very good Dominant, Ulquiorra. I know you’re going to take him home and take good care of him.”

“I am,” Ulquiorra agrees. “Tell Yoruichi we had fun for me? And we’ll definitely come back.”

He bids farewell to Orihime and Ichigo, helping Bazz get dressed, he and Grimmjow supporting him out of the club because he wants to cling to them with everyone he has right now, not that Ulquiorra can blame him. He just soothes him, rubs a soothing hand up and down his back, murmurs softly to him and lets Grimmjow drive them home so he can sit with Bazz in the back and let him cuddle up close. He’s so soft and warm, face tucked against Ulquiorra’s neck, his hands loosely held in Ulquiorra’s own.

They do end up watching a movie while Grimmjow does his best to shove leftover Chinese food down Bazz’s throat before bad. He’s  _ exhausted _ and Ulquiorra lets Bazz use his lap as a pillow, playing with the soft magenta of his hair, petting his face, murmuring down to him. It’s the most he can do right now, but Bazz’s lips twitch faintly into small smiles, so he thinks it might be helping. At the very least, it’s a start.

It’s good to have him in bed with them again, bracketed between them this time. It’s in the dark after he’s fallen asleep that Grimmjow clears his throat. “So, when are we gonna talk about it? Because I know you definitely picked up on it.”

“When he’s feeling better,” Ulquiorra murmurs. “Unless you meant you and me.”

“I meant both.” Grimmjow leans over to kiss him on the nose. “Night, Quiorra. Sweet dreams. I love you, baby, so fucking much.”

Giggling, Ulquiorra kisses his nose back. “I love you, too, kitten.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor bazz! we're going back to sosuke in the next chapter and it's gonna be something interesting.


	11. apologies and a necessary conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** general emo stuff
> 
> **sexual content:** none

Aizen does not get around to visiting Shinji properly until the day Renji wants to barbeque, promising him and Byakuya he will be back as soon as he can. Having the house full of visitors means he should be here, ideally, but the gnawing guilt in his gut that came with lashing out at Shinji in such a way is impossible to ignore and he needs to do something about it. With Kensei’s blessing to come to the house, he gives Rukia a kiss goodbye and heads out for the day hoping he can get through this as maturely as possible.

Though Kensei and Aizen are not particularly close, Aizen knows where his home is and has been here a handful of times given that Kensei has hosted more private parties at his personal home. Shuhei is there at the door to greet him, a slender leather collar around his throat signifying that the D/s side of their relationship is usually not ever firmly turned off. He takes Aizen’s jacket with a polite smile and hangs it up for him, then leads him into the kitchen where it appears he and Kensei have been enjoying lunch.

“Shinji doesn’t usually eat with us,” Kensei says before Aizen can ask. “He’s upstairs in his room. I’m not sure what he’s doing. I try to give him as much space as possible.”

That would be the correct way of doing things. “I want to apologize to you personally. It was my fault for his heightened emotional state and distress, and I’m sure it wasn’t easy to handle for you or for your submissive. I won’t make that mistake again.”

Kensei sighs softly, picking at the sandwich on his plate. “It’s not your fault, Sosuke. I know it’s a delicate situation. Just please, I do ask that you don’t upset him again. It’s baby steps, but he’s doing better here, and I just… I want him to do better.”

“Sir has been working very hard to make sure Shinji eats and sleeps at regular times to help with this,” Shuhei says softly, looking up at Aizen with soft, sad brown eyes.

Gently, Aizen pats him on top of the head. “I’ve come to apologize, so I won’t be upsetting him. There’s no need to worry, darling, I can assure you of that much.”

“Can I ask what happened?” Kensei’s voice is low, soft. “I know it’s none of my business, I get it if you tell me to fuck off and not stick my nose in. Just… I don’t get what happened. You two have been so close all these years I really thought you’d end up collaring him.”

Aizen presses his lips together, not sure if he wants to discuss this out loud or not given the sensitivity of the situation.  _ Does it matter, though? _ He wonders. That is the question that led him here, after all. After their initial fight, it was easy to be angry with Shinji, to raise his voice, to direct the pain in his heart at someone else that he could blame for the events that occurred. But if Aizen is being brutally honest with himself, how much of this can he blame on Shinji, and should it even matter? If Ulquiorra and Grimmjow were always going to walk away because of Rukia, it didn’t matter if someone agreed with them.

And it wasn’t worth losing one of his best friends over. Aizen is at least sure of that.

“Shinji and Ulquiorra had a conversation that I believe may have made Ulquiorra’s resolve to leave us firmer,” Aizen says, and he sees Kensei’s eyes widen, sees Shuhei’s head drop a little. “But I understand now that it isn’t his fault they had that conversation, and it isn’t his fault that Ulquiorra left. I… Made excuses, far too many, and I was hurting, and I took all of that out on Shinji instead of speaking to him fairly. It was uncalled for.”

Shuhei clears his throat softly. “I don’t understand… I thought they left because of Rukia? So it’s okay that Shinji told Ulquiorra that he should leave you.”

“Pet,” Kensei murmurs softly, “this might not be an area you need to speak on.”

“Sorry.” Shuhei looks back down at his plate. “But I just, Sir, I’m not trying to butt in, but… Shinji was right, wasn’t he? If the reason they were going to leave is because of her, then they were going to leave no matter what anyone said to them. Isn’t that true?”

Aizen gently pats him on top of the head again. “It’s all right, Shuhei. You’re right. That’s why I’ve come here to apologize to Shinji in person,” he says softly.

With that, he decides not to put the conversation off any longer, following Kensei’s direction to the bedroom upstairs that currently belongs to Shinji. He knocks on it, wondering if Kensei told Shinji he was coming, certain he would have because that is the kind of man that Kensei is. Which is probably why it takes so long for Aizen to hear any movement on the other side of the door, soft shuffling footsteps finally alerting him to someone approaching. He expects the door to open, but Shinji doesn’t do that.   


“What do you want, Sosuke?” he calls through the wood. “Ken said you were coming by to see me. Ain’t sure I’m in the mood to talk to you right now.”

Resting his forehead against the door, Aizen sighs softly. “That’s fine, Shinji. I won’t force you to talk to me. I just came to apologize. How I treated you was wrong, and—”

Shinji barks laughter, cutting him off. “Damn fucking  _ straight _ it was. You think you get to take it out on me because your fairy tale wasn’t real? Ain’t fair. I was your  _ friend _ before you ever met them. Why the hell would I hurt  _ you _ to protect Ulquiorra huh?”

Frowning, Aizen looks at the door. “What do you mean? I’m not quite following.”

The door wrenches open and he finds Shinji standing in front of him, looking at least better than he had the last time Aizen saw him. He must have been eating and sleeping more certainly, his color better and the bags under his eyes noticeably reduced. What makes Aizen smile slightly is the spark of anger in his eyes, the most potent emotion he’s seen out of Shinji since this sub drop and everything that followed. Even if that anger is directed at him, he is perfectly happy to receive it as long as it means that Shinji is doing better, even if it’s only my small and almost unnoticeable increments.

“Dumbass,” Shinji spits at him before taking him by the wrist, hauling him into the bedroom so he can shut the door back. “Fucking idiot. Sit down. I can’t believe I have to explain this to you. You’re so damned  _ educated, _ it should be obvious.”

Slowly, Aizen lowers himself onto the bed and notices Shinji’s laptop perched at the end of it; he can imagine Shinji stretched out on his stomach. “Perhaps it should be and I’ve just gotten very slow recently. Would you please explain it to me so I understand?”

Shinji drops down in front of him, stretches out a hand and shoves his shoulder. “I  _ love _ you,” he says, stressing the word. “You can’t imagine how much. You know what I went through before coming to Las Noches? It was fucking hell, and there you were, and we clicked so well. You learned so fast, I loved being in a scene with you. So why would I ever protect a new friend over you? Think about that. Think about that really hard.”

“You believe that your actions were an effort to protect me,” Aizen murmurs.

“‘Course they were, Sosuke. God. Fucking, just…” Shinji’s hand comes back to his shoulder, but this time he squeezes it. “They were gonna break your fucking heart one way or another. I wanted it over with. I wanted the bandage ripped off because it was always going to end up this way, and I just wanted you to be able to move on and have a family. Yeah, okay, it works out better for them, too, but like… It was  _ inevitable. _ ”

To that, Aizen has no immediate reply. He knows it was inevitably objectively, but the heart never quite learns to speak in such a manner and he hates it. He hates suffering and being upset and being so desperate to regain the ones he lost that he would do anything all while knowing that they would never want to come back. He already made the decision that would ensure they would remain apart from him for the rest of his life.

And it  _ aches, _ but that was not Shinji’s fault. It could never be Shinji’s fault.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales slowly. “Shinji, I am so sorry. I know you’re correct. It would always end like this. I know that in my heart.”

“Of course.” Shinji leans closer to him and Aizen looks up into those fierce brown eyes once more. “So having you go at me for ending it sooner just really… Look. I’m. I don’t want you thinking you’re what made me quite Las Noches. I realized after I left that you probably would blame yourself, but like. That wasn’t you, okay?”

_ It wasn’t? _ “Did something happen? You know you can tell me about it.”

Shinji shakes his head. “Not a thing, my love. I just… I needed to be away from it. Wasn’t good for me. I don’t talk about my personal issues much, but they’re there.”

“Of course. I just didn’t want you thinking that if something happened, you had to leave.” Aizen takes the hand on his shoulder, brings it to his lips to kiss Shinji’s fingers. “But I don’t want to lose you. You are one of my best friends, you know. Always have been.”

“Don’t I know it?” Shinji grins, takes Aizen’s hand and kisses it back. “But yeah, I just… I know you’re sorry. Your eyes get all soft and sad when you hurt someone.”

Aizen laughs softly. “Do they? I don’t make it a practice to look at my reflection when I apologize to someone. But I suppose you know me well enough to know.”

“Oh yeah, baby.” Shinji pulls a knee up to his chest, rests his cheek against it. “I don’t want to lose you, either. You mean so much to me, you know. Made me feel all safe and comfy. The last thing I wanted was you fucking… Ending up months down the line with a broken heart and thinking everything was fine when it was never gonna be.”

Of course. Aizen feels worse all over again and moves closer, wrapping his arms around Shinji, resting his chin on Shinji’s shoulder as he rubs his hands up and down Shinji’s slender back. “I’m so sorry. I know I’ve said it already but I’m  _ so _ sorry, Shinji. I wish I’d been able to see things as clearly then as you could. Thank you for thinking of me.”

“Duh. You’re my friend.” Shinji hesitates, then wraps his arms around Aizen in return, pressing their cheeks together. “Guess I can say leaving Las Noches was good, though. Kensei was so fucking worried about me that he came to my place to see me.”

That… “May I ask what your relationship to one another is? I know you’ve always had tension, but you’ve never wanted to speak about it. Of course, you don’t have—”

“Shut up, Sosuke. I know that.” Shinji tilts his head, kisses Aizen on the cheek before he lets him go, sprawling across the foot of the bed as he folds his hands behind his head. “Me, Kensei, Rose, Love, and Mashiro, we were all like, together? In a relationship. Eishima was there, too, but he was there mostly just because I was there.”

Aizen’s eyes widen at the words, though on a level he knew it was probably something to do with a romantic relationship. The idea of Shinji in a relationship at all was a foreign concept since Shinji played freely in Las Noches and claimed no single partner, but it wasn’t as though the relationship was a monogamous one from the way it sounds.  _ All _ of them? Aizen sits back as he thinks over that, knowing all of those names because they’ve all visited Las Noches multiple times, but none of them work there other than Kensei and Eishima, and Aizen never really questioned how they all knew Shinji.

He was a lovable person and he had a lot of friends. What was there to wonder about?

Shinji chuckles, winks at him. “Surprised ya, didn’t I? See, you don’t know everything about me after all. But yeah, I… Us. All six of us were living in harmony. I mean, not really, ‘cause we fucking fought like cats and dogs, but we never went to bed angry, y’know?”

“Byakuya and I have a rule about that as well,” Aizen says, leaning back against Shinji’s inhuman stack of pillows. How does he  _ sleep _ on this? “If we have a fight with each other, we resolve it before we go to bed. We never wanted the bedroom to be a place of tension.”

“Yep, you get it.” Shinji gives him a thumbs up. “Anyway, Mashiro and Kensei were talking about what it’d be like if we settled down and had a family, and I guess Rose was in on that, too, but like… You know me and kids. Oil and water. I bet your daughter’s so fucking cute and I’ll be good to her when I meet her, but like, I couldn’t ever babysit her.”

The prospect of Shinji with a child is a shocking one, at that. “So the relationship fell apart from there, I assume? My… You must have seen yourself in Ulquiorra, then.”

“That I did. Another reason I knew I was making the right choice in telling him to get the hell away from you before it turned into a giant fight.” Shinji clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, the sound echoing in the room. “I’d let Kensei tie me up and dick me down and I still wouldn’t just sit down and talk to him about what happened. Needless to say, I blew the fuck up. We never talked about kids, and I didn’t  _ want _ them.”

Aizen frowns, stretching out a hand, tugging Shinji’s shirt back down his stomach where it’s ridden up in this position. “I could understand you and Eishima leaving the relationship for those reasons, but why did the entire relationship end up dissolving?”

For a moment, Shinji doesn’t answer him. His gaze does slightly distant and he winces, and Aizen opens his mouth to tell him to forget he asked before Shinji holds up a hand. The signal is familiar enough that Aizen sits back and waits, his mouth closing. Though they have their safewords for necessary use in the scenes they perform together, Shinji wanted one last one different from other submissives, a simple raising of the hand. Not quite  _ yellow, _ but asking  _ wait, I need a minute. _ Aizen was always happy to give him time to process because it usually only took a few breaths for Shinji to be fine again.

And Shinji is merely asking him to wait now, give him a chance to get in the proper mindset to discuss this. Aizen has always been able to give him what he needs.

“‘Cause Kensei was in love with me,” he says, and his voice sounds soft and wistful and Aizen’s heart drops into his stomach. “I coulda seen him holding it together for the others and being okay over time, but he didn’t want to. If I was leaving, then so was he.”

_ Oh, Shinji… _ “Did he chase after you? Is that why he came to Las Noches? I picked up that the two of you had history with one another, but it wasn’t my place to question it.”

“Sosuke, stop trying to blame yourself for that shit. Okay? If I wanted Kensei to fuck off, I would have told him to his face to fuck off, and he would have.” Shinji tucks his hands under his head, shaking his head at himself. “I should have, though, probably. It would have been good for him if I had. He could have met Shuhei and been in puppy love and not had to think about me. I feel like such  _ shit _ knowing that he thought about me at all.”

“Worried about what your reaction would be if he dated someone else?” Aizen asks, chuckling softly when Shinji nods and heaves another dramatic sigh.

He rolls over onto his side, his hair spilling over his arm. “Remember when you asked me why I cut my hair? I did it ‘cause of him. See, I fucking hate having it long.”

Aizen blinks at him, speechless for a moment. “Shinji,” he says slowly, “it was down to your ass when we met. Like, it covered your ass. How could you handle it if you hated it?”

“Couldn’t handle it. Kensei did it all for me, usually, or Rose, but like, Kensei was always happy to do it.” Shinji picks a lock of hair up, winding it around his fingers. “Said he’d help me wash and brush it if I kept it long. Called me his little princess.”

That thought  _ hurts, _ hits Aizen in the stomach like a sucker punch now that he knows their history with one another. “So you cut it off after you broke up with him.”

“Exactly. Fuck, the look on his face was like I’d kicked him in the balls.” Shinji looks up at him, raising his eyebrows. “Did you know his cute little puppy’s been all over me? I thought it was just because that’s how Kensei’s brought him around, but it’s not.”

“Shuhei’s a very sweet boy,” Aizen agrees, remembering just how polite his manners have nearly always been for as long as he’s known him. Even before Kensei, when he was just a member of Renji’s band that Aizen occasionally spent time with because he and Byakuya came to gigs, he was a sweet boy who never spoke out of turn.

Shinji groans, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I knew you were soft for him. God, everyone is. I kinda hate it, I keep trying to be just mean enough to keep him away. He’s got a  _ crush _ and I know it’s all Kensei’s fault. He’s probably told him things or something.”

That is, admittedly, probably the truth. Aizen knows Hisagi also has a crush on Kira, but that comes from more that the two of them are longtime friends and he’s always been a little soft for him. Renji told him about that one night when it was just the two of them and he wanted to get to know more about the man Byakuya was so taken with, never expecting to find himself taken with Renji. It was mutual enough for them to play together at Las Noches, but Kira had been happy with Gin and Rangiku ever since Gin all but accosted him on his first night at Las Noches. Aizen remembers that  _ all _ too well.

“Would it be so bad?” Aizen asks him, and Shinji just looks at him. “If Kensei still wants you even though you don’t want a family, maybe he would just be happy with you.”

Shinji shakes his head. “You don’t get it. He wants kids. He wants that happy ending, and I bet puppy does, too. I don’t. I don’t fit into that picture, and I never could.”

“But Kensei  _ wants _ you and is actively trying to get you back. I know him. I’ve heard him talk about you… Not your past, maybe, but  _ you. _ He would never try to fit you into a box you didn’t want to fit in.” After all, Shinji probably didn’t know it, but Kensei wanted to collar him, had set it as a lofty goal he would eventually get around to achieving.

He walked away from a relationship where he probably  _ could _ have been happy, sans two of his boyfriends, from the way that it sounds. Didn’t that mean he decided Shinji was worth it? Aizen would have thought Shinji would be smart enough to realize the obvious.

“You ever think about how immediately gratifying it would be to have me, right now?” Shinji asks him, and Aizen just blinks at him. “I mean, if I went down there and sat in his lap or some shit, and I told him I loved him and I want to try again, he’d be happy right then and there. He’d be  _ so _ happy. But then five years down the line when we still don’t have kids and that’s settling in, he’s gonna remember he had to give that up for me, and he’s gonna resent me for it. And he should, Sosuke. It’s his  _ dream _ to have a family.”

“He wouldn’t resent you,” Aizen insists. After all, from the way it sounded, Kensei had never been able to do that even when Shinji had cost him the relationship they had.

Slowly, Shinji stretches out a hand and grasps his ankle, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Is that what you tell yourself about Ulquiorra and Grimm? That you wouldn’t have resented them even if it meant you couldn’t adopt Rukia? Because you totally would have.”

That stings, but Aizen supposes it’s fair given how much hell he put Shinji through over the two of them. And he’s  _ right, _ which makes it worse. Aizen would have been fine in the moment because they would have been right there in front of him, with him, keeping him warm and spending time with him, and then as time passed, he would know. He would feel the absence, the lack of the future he and Byakuya already chose for themselves so long ago, and it would probably upset him. And he would blame them for it.

“Kensei is not me,” he says instead, taking Shinji’s hand in his own. “If anything, this would have opened his eyes to the thought process of kids or you. He’s made his choice.”

“Is it shitty of me to say he shouldn’t choose me? Or that I don’t want him to?” Shinji shakes his head at himself. “He asked me to come stay with him while I was like, getting back on my feet, and I just… Should have said no, but he was so  _ worried _ —”

“And you miss him. You probably wouldn’t keep playing with him at Las Noches if no part of you missed having him in your life.” No  _ wonder _ Kensei and Shinji played so often.

Shinji runs his tongue over his teeth. “Yeah? Maybe so. I do miss him. It ain’t easy, like, Kensei was the reason  _ I _ was there in the first place. I met him first. I loved ‘em all, but God, it was like being a kid again. It was like having that first teenage love I never got since I was too busy dealing with life and shit. Of course I miss that. You telling me you don’t miss your boys? But some things are better off the way they are.”

“Of course I miss them.” What kind of question is that? They had  _ fought _ over something to do with Ulquiorra. “I miss them every day. I miss when Ulquiorra would call me at work to ask how things were going, I miss lying between them at night, I miss the fact that I could trust them, and they never abused that trust. But it’s different. They aren’t asking me to stay in their apartment to get better. They didn’t give me a guest room in their house. Kensei loves you, Shinji. It’s stupid to deprive yourselves when you both want it.”

For a long moment, Shinji only stares at him, his eyes narrowed slightly. When he speaks, the question he asks throws Aizen off. “Byakuya know you miss them like that?”

“No, he doesn’t. I don’t plan on discussing it with him,” Aizen admits, not liking to saying outright that he’s hiding something from his husband, but this is different.

Shinji sucks air through his teeth. “Damn it, Sosuke, I  _ knew _ it when you yelled at me. I mean, I was busy being scared as fuck at the immediate time, but  _ after _ that—”

“I scared you.” Aizen covers his face with his hands. How  _ could _ he? “I’m sorry, Shinji, I just, I shouldn’t have yelled at you at all. I never meant to raise my voice—”

Before he can finish, a hand covers his mouth, and he spreads his fingers to see Shinji closer to him, his brows drawn together. “Goddamn it, don’t interrupt me. Rude. Come all the way here to apologize and then cut me off like that. I forgive you for that, okay? I was right and I know I’m right and so do you but that doesn’t make it okay for me to stick my nose into your private business where it don’t belong. Anyway, you still miss ‘em.”

He waits until Shinji moves his hands away, licking his hips. “Yes, I miss them. How could I not? I was looking at the rest of my life through the framework of them being in it.”

“Christ, I didn’t realize it was that bad.” Shinji sits up slowly, drags himself closer until their knees are touching. “Have you talked to anyone about missing them this much?”

“No. I don’t want Byakuya to have to worry about it. He’s been busy taking care of Rukia and Nozarashi, and  _ God, _ Nozarashi.” Aizen remembers the last time he’d overheard a conversation between Byakuya and Bazz, how cold and professional it was, how all of their friendship had been drained out of it. “Bazz spends time with Grimmjow and Ulquiorra and I know it bothers him. I know he’s angry with him for not wanting Rukia and for hurting all of us, and I just, I don’t want him to think I still worry about them at all.”

Shinji is quiet for a moment, resting his chin in his hands, staring down at the space of bed between them still, and Aizen lapses into silence as well. Up until this moment, he was doing his best to put them out of his mind entirely. He thought about them, and it still stung, and he had to see photos of them on Bazz’s social media accounts because he was unwilling to simply unfollow them, but he never  _ thought _ about them that way anymore. If he thought of Grimmjow on the few occasions he had to drive past the gym where he worked or found himself a little upset every time he spotted Bazz with one of his new drumsticks, then so be it. He could handle that and move on with his life because he had to.

Finally, Shinji looks up at him. “So, you’re not going to tell Byakuya that you’re still in love with them and that it’s breaking your fucking heart to be away, huh?”

“It’s not that serious,” Aizen murmurs. “I just don’t want to cause unnecessary issues between us because of that relationship. Both of us were hurt by it, you know.”

“Fuck that,” Shinji says immediately. “Are you serious? Yeah, maybe you all dated each other, but he didn’t love them the way you did. Neither did Renji. I know you got them and you gotta think about them, but those two exes of yours were in love with  _ you _ first and foremost. And don’t tell me everything’s equal ‘cause I know it ain’t like that.”

“For the most part, it is.” Aizen shakes his head.  _ Our relationships weren’t the same, but saying that out loud would come off as cruel, and I don’t mean it that way. _

Shinji pokes him in the chest. “ _ Fuck _ that. The minute your husband says he loves Renji as much as he loves you, you fucking divorce him. I don’t care how many times Byakuya dommed them or Renji fucked them, it doesn’t even begin to cover the way they looked at you. You brought them to Las Noches and I sat in your lap and looked at the fucking glowy way they stared at you and it  _ wasn’t _ at your husband or his sub.”

“It doesn’t matter now, Shinji. They’re gone. They made the choice that was right for them, and I made the choice that was right for me.” And any sour feelings he had about how things ended did not matter, not when Rukia was here and she needed them.

Instead of dropping the subject, Shinji laughs at him. “They’re gone? Are they gone? Maybe physically, but they’re still in their heart. How bad do you wanna go after them?”

Aizen presses his lips together. “It’s cruel of you to suggest that,” he says, keeping his voice soft, “because we both know that I absolutely cannot do that.”

Shinji scoffs at him. “Oh yeah? How long you gonna torture yourself before you drive across town to see them? Or you gonna watch them with Bazz and just suffer the rest of your life? Let’s lay a bet on how long it takes you to resent Byakuya for it.”

“It’s not his fault,” Aizen protests. “You said it yourself. It was the right decision to make, which is why you told Ulquiorra to make it. So, the way I see it—”

“The way I see it is that you’re lying to yourself.” Shinji’s hands are on his face, holding it still as he leans up on his knees to kiss Aizen on the forehead. “I did tell him to go because it was the right choice to make. But listening to you sit here and grieve over them like they’re dead just tells me that maybe it wasn’t right for you.”

How could it be anything but that? He wants Rukia, he wants  _ more _ children in the future, and he knows Ulquiorra and Grimmjow are not ready for that life yet. They may never be ready, because some people never quite get there even though they plan to at some point in the future. And what would he do, then? The idea of just living in quiet peace and raising a family was something he wanted from pretty much the moment he met Byakuya.

“I think you’ll figure out what I’m getting at,” Shinji says, kissing him on the cheek this time. “When you figure it out, if you wanna talk about it then, we can. But don’t do this to yourself. Don’t torture yourself like this ‘cause it ain’t fair. If you wanna, even, go pay them a visit. Just a friendly chat. And see how hard it is for you to walk out the door.”

“Renji is cooking out today. I need to go home soon,” Aizen says, wanting to get out of this room because this conversation did not go the way he wanted it to.

Shinji grins at him. “Go on, baby, have a good day. And thanks for apologizing to me. Maybe I’ll even follow your advice, let that puppy tail me for a few hours or so.”

Hisagi sees him to the door and Aizen tries very hard not to think about Shinji’s words on the ride home, but they keep pinging off of the sides of his skull.

_ See how hard it is for you to walk out that door. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gee i wonder where this is going~


	12. some things are inevitable

“Good morning!” Inoue Orihime shows up fifteen minutes earlier than Byakuya asked her to be at the house, bright and chipper like she might have been up for the last hour or so before coming over. “Sorry if being early is a bit of a pain, but traffic was light.”

“It’s not at all an inconvenience, I reassure you. If you don’t mind, would you like to take my place in the kitchen? Rukia wanted to make omurice this morning.” Ordinarily, asking someone else to step in for such a task would bother him, but he woke up later than he intended to after such a perfect weekend, his mind not quite certain Monday had indeed come after all. As if. He has too much to do today and a meeting with Nozarashi.

Orihime pats him on the shoulder, an understanding expression on her face. “Don’t worry, Kuchiki-san, I don’t mind! I like cooking actually, so it’ll be a bonding experience.”

Byakuya leaves Rukia in Orihime’s capable hands, thanking the heavens she had come through after all. The weekend had been so quiet and peaceful. The barbeque was fine, and she and Ichigo had come over on Sunday afternoon so they could all sit down and talk with one another about expectations, payment, usual hours, so on and so forth. If anything, Orihime chasing Rukia around the backyard, always able to keep up with her, willing to indulge in all of her games and pretend, just cemented the fact Rukia wanted her around as much as possible and didn’t want any other babysitters. She had made her choice.

He hopes the choice will be a perfect fit, because he doesn’t think he has the time right now to scour for another babysitter considering all of the work coming up.

Nozarashi has a tour schedule to discuss, there are contracts to look over and interviews to field, sponsorships to consider. Tour scheduling is always a little hectic at least in the very beginning stages when so much is still up in the air, and though Byakuya has a practiced touch when it comes to such things, he always feels a little frantic at first.

“Orihime came early?” Aizen asks him from where he stands in front of the mirror, buttoning up the front of his shirt. His hair is already tied back and he looks so handsome that for just a moment, Byakuya pauses to look at him. “That’s handy, isn’t it?”

“She’s an angel after all… And you’re certain you’re fine with it?” That had been the one prospect Byakuya was concerned about, that Aizen would balk at hiring Ulquiorra’s ex-girlfriend, but he seemed to take well to her after he spoke to her and Ichigo.

Aizen smiles softly at him, straightens his shirt collar and smoothes it beneath his fingers. “Whatever is good for Rukia is what I want, and she really did an excellent job with her yesterday. If something comes up between them, then I’ll have an objection.”

_ But not on Ulquiorra’s behalf. I’m glad we can share that viewpoint on this topic. _

With that, Byakuya allows himself to steal a second to wrap his arms around Aizen’s waist, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. “How did I ever get so lucky?”

“I’m the lucky one that gets to be your husband.” Aizen grins at him, leans in to kiss him softly on the lips. “Now finish getting ready so we can head to work.”

Byakuya steals another kiss before he returns to preparing for the day, picking out a lavender tie he knows Aizen likes on him because it brings out the hues in his eyes and looping it around his neck. They usually try to eat at home but today, that is just not possible, so Byakuya is thinking about just ordering something brought into the office for the both of them so he doesn’t have to think about the finer details.

He just wants to make sure that Nozarashi is on track for their upcoming tour. They generate so much revenue and make the company look incredible as a result, and he has to make sure everything goes off as well as it can so they just have to worry about getting to their cities on time, getting settled in, doing interviews here and there on the side.

Renji is in the kitchen with Rukia but is also already dressed, ready to head out the door as soon as he finishes eating breakfast. They both give him a kiss goodbye and hug Rukia, who stands on a chair at the counter while Orihime mans the stove with what looks to be a practiced touch. She waves goodbye to them and then the two of them are out the door.

“I should have set an alarm,” Byakuya muses to himself, slipping behind the wheel while Aizen sits in the passenger seat next to him. “Do you need the car for anything today? I can give you the keys once we get there if you want to take it out somewhere.”

Aizen shakes his head. “If I change my mind and need it, I’ll just come and get them. Give me an excuse to steal a few seconds with you behind closed doors.”

“You’re such a wicked man. It’s why I love you.” Key in the ignition and they are good to go.

Traffic is surprisingly light this morning but Byakuya takes it as a good sign when they make it to their building with plenty of time to spare. On the way to the elevator and on the trip up to their floor, he puts in orders for both of them to have breakfast brought to their offices and he kisses Aizen goodbye just before the doors open and they have to go their separate ways for the days. The work Aizen does is so monumentally important for them and Byakuya is always grateful for him in a professional and a personal sense.

Three members of Nozarashi are already waiting in his office when he walks in, Kenpachi on the phone with what sounds like his daughter while Ikkaku and Isane whisper about something to each other out of respect. The first red flag slams into the sky.

Yumichika and Bazz are not here.  _ It’s fine. These three are early, and so am I. _

“How is everyone this morning?” Byakuya asks them when Kenpachi has hung up the phone.

“Tired. Stayed up too late practicing last night but y’know, restless energy.” Ikkaku shrugs, and Byakuya nods. Ikkaku has insomnia some nights, not exactly unreasonable.

Isane smiles at him. “I’m great. Your little party was a lot of fun. How’s Aizen doing?”

“He’s fine. Everything went fine with Shinji and it looks like the two of them have managed to repair their friendship. I didn’t fish for details, though.” If Aizen said Shinji was good, then Aizen would have to be trusted about that. “Zaraki, have you talked to Yumichika or Bazz this morning? I just want to be assured they are, in fact, coming in after all.”

Kenpachi raises an eyebrow at him. “You really think they’d risk not coming in to this?”

Ikkaku makes a noise in the back of his throat. “We’re three-two majority right? So if they just don’t show up, we’ll make all the decisions without them. There, simple.”

“Not simple,” Byakuya says sternly. “You all need to be here if you can.”

Before any of them can reply, he hears a familiar voice in the hallway outside and some of the tension unwinds from his body just before a knock at the door signals Yumichika stepping into the room. Without Bazz. But he is here, looking… Like complete shit, if Byakuya is being honest with himself. For someone who cares so much about his appearance and the way he cultivates that, he looks like a bus might have hit him. His hair is tousled unusually and there are visible dark circles under his eyes when he takes his sunglasses off. He looks like he threw on his clothes instead of carefully dressed.

Well, maybe this was a sign to tackle this problem as soon as possible.

“We didn’t start early, did we? I’m still early, right?” Yumichika asks, hovering behind the others, his tone of voice suggesting he’s expecting to get in trouble.

_ We really do need to work on this. _ “You’re on time. You should sit while we wait for Bazz.”

Yumichika eyes the two empty chairs and then shakes his head. “No, I’m good. Wait, Bazz isn’t here? I was kind of hoping he was. I haven’t been able to get a hold of him.”

“Wonderful.” Byakuya drops down behind his desk and picks up his cell phone. “I’m going to call him and see if he answers. Do you know what he was doing over the weekend? The last time I spoke to him, he was talking about working on new material—”

Just barely, Yumichika shakes his head, then shrugs. “Dunno! Haven’t talked to him.”

“Weren’t you two working in the studio together on like Friday?” Ikkaku asks.

Something about that question makes Yumichika tense up all over and he sniffs, giving his head a shake. “I swear, it’s like all of you think we’re physically attached to one another. Just because I saw him on Friday doesn’t mean I saw him on Saturday or on Sunday. Learn to listen. I’ve been trying to contact him and he hasn’t answered me.”

“Chill, Yumichika,” Kenpachi says. “There’s no reason to bite his head off for asking.”

“Whatever. Anyway, the last time I saw him was on Friday. He was fine.” Yumichika presses his back to the wall, folds his arms over his chest. He’s pissed, and Byakuya can see it in his eyes, but he just sets his jaw and looks down at the floor.  _ How the hell did things get this bad in such a short amount of time? This does not seem possible. _

Byakuya clears his throat. “Everyone, please remain calm. I’m going to attempt to call him myself and see if we get an answer. We do need him to be here for this.”

“And if he doesn’t answer?” Isane asks, the only one who looks visibly unbothered.

“Then… I don’t know. We  _ really _ need the entire band here to discuss these matters. It’s not something I can just force him into.” Well, he likely could. They could make decisions without Bazz here and let him deal with the ramifications, but that would only cause more problems in the long-run and Byakuya would like everyone to get along and be happy with the choices made rather than forcing them to do something they don’t accept.

Kenpachi heaves a sigh, scrubs a hand over his face. “I don’t wanna play games with this, Kuchiki. If he ain’t here, I’ll just take responsibility for him being pissed we did it without him. He can bite my head off for it if he really wants to.”

“You’re all being dicks,” Yumichika mutters. “Bazz isn’t going to give a shit if we make these choices without him if he can’t be here. He’s a lot more understanding than that, and he wouldn’t be missing this if something hadn’t come up. Don’t say stuff like that about him.”

Ikkaku turns to look at him and Byakuya can feel the tension in the room coil tighter. “Isn’t he your best buddy? How come you don’t even know where he is?”

“I have a life outside of him.” Byakuya can hear the effort that goes into keeping his voice level. “I was busy all weekend working on material myself. If we need each other, we contact each other, but we don’t need to constantly hold each other’s hands.”   
Isane clears her throat gently. “That makes sense, Yumi. No one here is trying to imply you two should be each other’s handlers. That wouldn’t be a fair or logical thing to ask.”

“I’ll call him,” Byakuya says, quickly bringing Bazz’s name up from his phone contacts.

The sound of the phone ringing seems to echo impossibly in the quiet and he drums his fingers on the arm of the chair as he waits for Bazz to answer. Surely he would not have done anything to risk missing this meeting? Bazz was not a heavy drinker by any means and rarely ever got truly drunk even when he was over at the house specifically to drink with the rest of them, and he was usually offering to play designated driver for the others so they could drink. It would not be a hangover. Had something happened? An accident?

He feels a pang at the thought. He jumped to the worst possible conclusion with Bazz not here in the office with the others and immediately tried to find a way to blame him for it, never once questioning that something might have happened to him—

_ “Hello, Byakuya.” _ The voice on the other end of the line makes him freeze in his seat.

The voice is unmistakable. Byakuya heard that voice so many times in the scant amount of months they were with one another, heard it go breathy and break beneath him, heard it soft and wet with tears and pain. He grips the armrest of his chair and tries not to grit his teeth as he looks up toward the ceiling, remembering the last time he heard this voice.

Remembering Aizen sobbing in his arms while he contemplated kicking Ulquiorra’s ass.

“Hello, Ulquiorra.” The name has everyone in the room turning to look at him— Except for Yumichika.  _ Ah, you knew where he was this weekend after all. You just didn’t want to tell me. _ “This is Bazz’s phone. Would you mind calling him over so I can speak to him.”

Ulquiorra does not, in fact, do that.  _ “No. He’s indisposed and can’t come to the phone. I’m aware he’s meant to be with you today, but he’s not feeling well.” _

“Is he sick?” Byakuya tries to keep his voice calm and measured.  _ Do not raise it. _

_ “Bazz experienced a rather sharp and sudden sub drop and I’ve been taking care of him since then,” _ Ulquiorra says, and Byakuya feels something in his stomach drop at the words.  _ “He’ll be able to rejoin you when he’s better. He’s told me you’re having a meeting about your tour schedule and to just do whatever you need to do to make it work.” _

Byakuya squeezes his eyes shut. “He really should be here to help make these choices—”

_ “He says it doesn’t matter what choices you make for him because he’ll do whatever you want him to do.” _ Ulquiorra is a careful speaker. Byakuya can almost hear everything he is holding back in the inflection of his voice and has to give him credit for being able to hold onto his sharp words for so long. He himself would have snapped by this point.

He can even imagine what some of those words are.  _ Choose whatever you want because you’ll just bully him into doing what you want him to do. Making choices is hard because he knows you have problems with him now. You snap at him over the smallest mistakes. _

“Is he okay?” he asks instead, not wanting to continue along this train of thought too far.

Ulquiorra pauses on the other end of the phone.  _ “He is. I’ve been with him this entire time to ensure that this doesn’t become a continuous problem for him to handle.” _

_ Like Shinji. _ Neither of them have to say it out loud for Byakuya to hear it.

“Would he like me to send him the terms that we decide on after the meeting, or would he prefer getting them from Yumichika when he wants them?” Byakuya asks.

There is a pause, and he imagines Ulquiorra carrying the phone with him, muffling the speaker so he can ask Bazz himself. This situation is fucked. He absolutely does not want to think about just how fucked it is, how angry with himself he is over how upset he became about everything, about how unfair he was. He would rather just not think of it at all and handle this meeting so he can throw himself into work that will let him forget it for a few precious hours. Hearing Ulquiorra’s voice again is not easy.

_ Well, now you know, _ he tells himself as he wants, drumming his fingers on the arm of his chair.  _ It’s not just friendship. They ditched you, and Sosuke, and Renji, and they hooked up with the drummer of the band you manage. In what seems like a meaningful way. _

It should not bother him. He told himself that he was fine with the two of them moving on with Bazz, that it was their prerogative to have the relationship they wanted as long as it did not twist the knife in Aizen’s heart any further than it had already been twisted. So why does his stomach ache imagining Bazz in their apartment, probably wrapped up in a blanket with Grimmjow close by if Ulquiorra is not immediately next to him. Monitoring his cell phone for calls and texts so all he has to do is let them take care of him.

Why the  _ fuck _ does it make his chest ache the way it does? He  _ hates _ this.

_ “Byakuya?” _ The voice on the other end of the line startles him back into focus, and he realizes Bazz is there.  _ “Sorry. Um. Yumi can hand off whatever you decide on. I didn’t… Anticipate it, I guess, happening. I thought I’d be okay. I’m sorry I'm not there.” _

There was not a single chance in hell that Byakuya was going to make him feel bad for that. “I know. It happens, and you can’t necessarily avoid it. Take care of yourself and we’ll talk to you the next time we have a chance. Can you give the phone back to Ulquiorra?”

_ “You’re not pissed at me?” _ The surprise in Bazz’s voice makes him feel like  _ shit. _

“No, I’m not. Things happen. Sometimes unavoidable. Just try to feel better.” He knows, after all, has helped subs through drop in the past. He understands that much.

Ulquiorra’s voice is back almost immediately.  _ “He’s going to be resting until he’s better. He’ll let you know when that is. I hope your meeting goes well.” _

“Thank you.” He scrapes his teeth over his lower lip. “And thank you for taking care of him. I’ll leave the three of you alone, now. Have a nice day.”

He hangs up the phone and sets it back down on his desk, and Yumichika lifts his head slightly. “Sorry,” he says. “I knew where he was going on Friday.”

“You knew.” Ikkaku turns to look at him again. “So why did you get all pissy when I—”

“Yumichika was right not to tell me. Personal details such as this aren’t any of my business and I don’t need to be told about them. Bazz is not feeling well and won’t be able to make the meeting, but he’s told me that he wants us to make the choices without him and he’ll accept them as they are.” Byakuya can’t quite shake the tone of Ulquiorra’s voice, so soft and carefully removed. So  _ professional. _ “So, let’s get this underway.”

Yumichika stays poised against the wall for the entire conversation, much to Byakuya’s surprise and disappointment. As soon as the meeting is over and Byakuya has given him Bazz’s share of information, he breezes out of the door without looking back or saying goodbye and Byakuya cannot help but wonder what must have happened between him and the others for such a distance to have grown. For a line to be drawn. The barbeque would have been an ideal place to sit down and discuss this with everyone.

But Yumichika had not come. Bazz… Had been with Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, Byakuya realizes, instead of working on new material like he said he was. Had that been a lie for him, or had the plans been made later and he had no intention of coming whether he had plans or not? It could just as likely be both, not that Byakuya could blame him. There had been so much tension in the band lately that it was natural for him to avoid them all.

“All right,” he says, planting his hands on his desk, “I know things have been tense lately, but everyone… Needs to stop this. You’re a band. You need to be a working, cohesive unit. I know I’m partially responsible. I’ve been short with Bazz lately. But Yumichika quite literally just ran out of this office and I don’t want him to leave the band.”

Ikkaku wings an eyebrow up at him. “You really think he’d walk out? I think he’s enjoying the attention of being a famous singer too much to go anywhere.”

“We get the point, Kuchiki,” Kenpachi says before Byakuya can turn an appropriate scowl on Ikkaku for such a ridiculous comment. “We’ll sit down and talk it all out.”

_ You had better. You don’t want to lose two more members after Retsu walked away. _

After Nozarashi leaves, Byakuya spends the rest of the day with his head down, trying to get through as much work as possible without remembering the sound of Ulquiorra’s voice. Damn the man, how did he manage to slip through whatever singular crack Byakuya had left, to affect him in such a way? Why did he have to be with Bazz? Why did Bazz have to be drawn in by him and Grimmjow? Why did it have to  _ work _ between them?

Was it selfish to just wish they would break up and everything would go back to normal as if the two of them had never been in any of their lives at all? Probably, but Byakuya can’t help but let that thought circulate through his mind as he goes over release schedules for one of their newer bands.  _ How could everything have ended up like this? _

Should he check on Bazz? Was it enough to believe that Yumichika would take the paperwork to him and make sure everything was fine? It wasn’t like Yumichika would know if a sub was being cared for during drop or not, after all, so maybe it would be for the best if Byakuya stepped in for a few minutes to ensure Bazz was properly cared for.

_ Am I implying that Ulquiorra doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing? I have no idea what he’s been learning ever since the breakup. I would have no way of knowing that. _

He doesn’t even know if he could be civil if he saw those green eyes in person once more.

The sound of a soft knock at the door has him lifting his head from his paperwork to see Aizen standing there, all soft brown eyes and a small, fatigued smile. “Time to go home.”

“I suppose it is.” Byakuya neatens his desk, puts everything away, and stands, picking his jacket off of the pack of his chair and draping it over his shoulder. “How did your day go?”

“Surprisingly quiet. Nothing with Yumichika or Bazz popped up on my radar and those tend to be the ones everyone is the most worried about. Yours? How did the tour schedule meeting go?” Aizen asks, laughing softly when Byakuya takes him around the way, kissing him on the jaw before they head for the elevators for the day.

Byakuya hesitates. Should he tell Aizen? He loves his husband and watching him mourn the loss of that relationship had nearly broken him in a way nothing else had ever been able to— Another reason to hate Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, to be honest. Aizen had truly loved them and had a connection with them, and instead they walked away and left him broken. Do they feel bad about that? Byakuya viciously hopes they do. That being without Aizen was suffering for them, that they still feel the sting of it.

Mentioning this to Aizen might be bad… But Aizen is a grown man, and Byakuya has no right to hide things from him. “Bazz didn’t show up. He’s going through sub drop at Ulquiorra’s apartment. I spoke to him on the phone. We had to make choices without him.”

Aizen is silent for a moment before he inclines his head slightly. “Well, I suppose that tells us that their friendship is more than friendship. Good for them. Is Bazz all right?”

“I don’t know. I sent Yumichika with paperwork for him but I didn’t want to intrude. Though I think perhaps I should go check on him just in case.” After all, the last thing he wanted was trying to handle a problem once it escalated too far to be fixed.

“No.” Aizen shakes his head, presses the button for the elevator. “Byakuya, you’re still furious with all of them. The tension is only going to make him even more upset.”

_ So you’ve noticed, then. _ “I know Yumichika went to visit him, but I don’t rightfully believe that he would have the skills necessary to tell if Bazz has what he needs.”

“I agree with you on that. Yumichika is his friend, and he loves him, but the doesn’t have the BDSM background necessary for this.” Aizen is quiet as they step into the elevator, waiting for the doors to swish shut softly before he speaks. “I should go check on him.”

The bottom of Byakuya’s stomach drops out. “That’s the last thing you should be doing, Sosuke. I know just the mention of them is enough to upset you, and after the fight with Shinji… Let me go. Tension or not, it’s better for me. Or I can send Halibel—”

“Halibel is a veritable stranger and all it says is that we do not trust them to do what needs to be done. At least if one of us shows up, we can pass it off on being worried about Bazz and wanting to check on all of them.” Aizen’s voice is pitched low and soothing, but it does nothing to calm the way Byakuya’s stomach churns at the thought of his husband in that apartment. “The second talk with Shinji helped me immeasurably. I can handle seeing them again, especially for something so important. Can you trust me with that?”

_ When you say it like that, how can I ever deny you this? _ “Of course I can trust you. I just worry for you. The last thing I want is for you to suffer again.”

“You don’t need to worry for me. I’m quite all right. Yes, I’m still a bit sad, but think of this as closure.” Aizen turns to him, presses a soft kiss to his lips just as the elevator stops. “Let me have this. And besides, Bazz deserves this consideration.”

They cross the lobby together and Byakuya has to fight hard not to tighten his arm around Aizen’s waist. “He does, that’s true. Nozarashi has so much tension within the band now. The least we can do is help them start to patch things back together.”

“We are partially responsible for the tension,” Aizen admits, and Byakuya hums because he doesn’t want to admit it, but he knows just how true that is.

“I just worry,” he says, and Aizen’s smile softens further, so achingly fond it makes Byakuya’s chest hurt. “I don’t want seeing them to make you sad again. I want you to be happy. I promised you on our wedding day that I’d do everything in my power to make you happy, do you remember? I put it specifically in my vows.”

Aizen leans closer to him. “How could I ever forget? It surprised me. I was crying.”

“You were just… You went through so much, and there was so little I could do to help.” Their experiences were so wildly different; Byakuya’s confidence in himself and his body a sharp contrast to Aizen’s self-loathing and disgust. “I still wanted to try. To make you smile. To tell you how much I loved you every single day of the year.”

“And you do make me happy. But… This is unavoidable, you know. Inevitable. I need closure, and this will be the fastest way to get it, no?” Aizen challenges him, and Byakuya sighs.

“Letting you walk into that apartment feels like I’m not doing my part to make you happy,” he admits, and Aizen shakes his head gently, “but if this is what you need, then I’m going to support you. If you want to go to their apartment and check on Bazz, I won’t stop you.”

“I’ll drop you off at home and then go,” Aizen says, and Byakuya frowns. “You’re going to have to let me go alone. I can do this. You believe in me, right? My biggest supporter?”

Byakuya stops them right in front of their car and turns to face Aizen properly, cupping his cheek and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. He always feels that little thrill when Aizen leans into him, softens into him, the edges of their bodies and souls aligning in such a perfect way that he could never imagine having this bond with anyone else. Aizen is his soulmate. They were meant to find each other, in this life and all others.

“I am your biggest supporter,” he says, and he can feel Aizen’s smile against his mouth. “And I’ll be at home waiting for you with open arms when you come back.”

He doesn’t like the idea of Aizen ending up broken once more because of these two, but he recognizes that he needs to step back and let Aizen handle this situation. So he will handle home for now, ensure that Rukia had an excellent day with Orihime, pay Orihime for her services, and wait for his husband to come home.

This much, he can easily do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //cups hands around mouth// tension! i'm garbage for not updating in so long i'm sorry.


	13. a handful of necessary confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** lots of emotional talk and some discussion of internalized homophobia
> 
>  **sexual content:** none

Monday should be a relatively quiet day, as much as Grimmjow loathes Mondays like everyone who typically works throughout the week and has the weekend off. Though he feels absolutely re-energized after the scene with Ulquiorra and Bazz this weekend, a part of him feels like he should be back in the apartment with them rather than coming into work especially considering, when he left, Ulquiorra was lying on the couch with Bazz on top of him, doing his best to help him come up from the drop. Though Grimmjow knew they could be bad, he never saw Shinji in drop like Ulquiorra did, so he has to concede that Ulquiorra is the one who would know what he is doing. Not Grimmjow.

Not that it makes it any easier, but he manages to drag himself out of bed and come to work. He has about half an hour to prepare before Starrk comes in and at this point, no amount of meditation can ever prepare him for dealing with the man in person. As mild-mannered as he can be, it drives Grimmjow up the wall to listen to him talk about filming when he  _ knows _ Starrk is still working on that kiss scene.

As if kissing a man is the hardest possible task anyone could ever accomplish.

Starrk arrives roughly on time, setting his bag down on a bench. “Sorry to keep you waiting, I would have been here earlier but traffic is hell. How has your morning been?”

“Quiet. Coming off a good weekend never makes it easier.” The slight ache and burn in his muscles is a memory of everything he did with Ulquiorra and Bazz, something that twists hot and warm in his gut and at least gives him the strength to face down his own job.

“You go out on a date with your fiance or something?” Starrk asks, light and casual.

The question is a typical one but Grimmjow still pauses a beat before answering him, wondering if Starrk had just let the word roll off of his tongue or if it had been a lot more measured than that. “Something like that, yeah. We had a good time with each other.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen what your fiance looks like. Is it okay if I ask?” Starrk asks him, shrugging out of the light jacket he must have thrown on for the morning chill.

Grimmjow fishes his phone out of his pocket, never embarrassed or secretive when it comes to showing Ulquiorra off. Even if he thinks Starrk might be up to something, well… It’s Ulquiorra. “Yeah, hold on, I got a thousand pictures of him in my roll.”

He pointedly skips through the sexual shots as quickly as he can, his face warming just slightly before he finds one he’d taken of the two of them outside, bathed in sunlight and half-concealed in shadow. “This is him. This is Ulquiorra Cifer, my fiance.”

Starrk takes the phone from him and studies the screen, his expression thoughtful. “He’s pretty. Did you already know you liked men when you met him, or..?”

“Oh, are you asking if he was my first? He wasn’t. I guess some people think it’s more romantic or whatever if you’re each other’s firsts, but there’s nothing wrong with having some experience under your belt.” Why are they even talking about this? This is the second time Starrk has asked him some weird question.

Does he find it  _ fascinating? _ Grimmjow hopes not. A relationship between two men is not that different from a relationship between two women, or a man and a woman, or any configuration a person could come up with. Part of him wonders if Starrk is one of those homophobes who might ask him a weird series of questions just to poke holes in the stories or try to find some vein to use against him. He better not. Grimmjow will beat in his fucking face and then quit this job if he tries something like that.

Instead, Starrk surprises him. “What was, like, the moment for you? That you realized that you wanted to have relationships with men? Was it obvious to you? Or?”

Grimmjow blinks at him from his position on the floor, watching Starrk drop down on the bench. “Man, is there something you wanted to actually talk about?”

_ There is no way, _ he thinks.  _ There is no way the hottest actor in Japan likes men. _

“There’s… I keep going back to this kiss and insisting to myself it’s nothing to just film a kiss with a man like I have with women a thousand times before, but it is.” Starrk shakes his head, like he wants to deny this is true; Grimmjow presses his lips into a thin line.

_ Do you have any fucking idea who you are talking to about this right now, Starrk? _

“How so?” Grimmjow asks, keeping his tone as measured and careful as he can.

“Because it’s easy to film something when it isn’t real. Even some of the harshest emotions I’ve had to put on camera were easier than this because it was all an act and I didn’t have to think about it. I could just do it.” Starrk pauses, rakes a hand through his hair, and Grimmjow is torn between just getting up and walking away or starting an actual fight. “But it wouldn’t be fake if I kissed a man, and I’d… I’d have to confront the truth.”

“Which is… Wait.” Grimmjow blinks at him a few times. “Are you  _ attracted _ to men?”

Starrk says nothing. The truth drops between them, sudden and sharp and hot.  _ Holy shit. _

“There was… There  _ is _ a man. He’s… Being incredibly patient for me considering how long it’s taking me to come to so many of these obvious conclusions about things.” Starrk laughs pitifully and sighs, tipping his head back. “Szayel is too good for me. I met him at a filming party we did for  _ Los Lobos. _ He’s Yylfordt’s younger brother.”

Which… Would explain why Starrk does not want to kiss Yylfordt first.  _ What the fuck? _

“I’m trying to work through it,” Starrk tells him, but Grimmjow’s brain is too busy sizzling out of control for him to really process that he is being spoken to. “You were right. I keep telling myself nothing is wrong with wanting to be with a man, and yet I just… I’m scared.”

“Societal bullshit,” Grimmjow says, echoing their earlier conversation about this.

Starrk nods immediately. “I don’t think it would damage my image if it came out that I liked men. Lily certainly doesn’t care. But I just… It’s so hard. Why does it have to be?”

“I wish I could answer that question but the only reason I really have is because we grow up being told that it’s wrong our entire lives and at some point, you start to believe it. I feel like you especially believe it if you happen to not be straight.” How much of his high school years had been lost to nothing but experiments? University weekends were specifically for going to parties, getting drunk, kissing boys, and then saying he only kissed boys because he was drunk. “Sometimes just living is the only way to get through it.”

“I don’t want to keep putting him through waiting. He’s been so patient but I know it kills him to have to wait like this.” Starrk shakes his head and he looks truly anguished about it, and for the first time, Grimmjow feels true sympathy for this man.

It also dully makes him think of Ulquiorra, insisting that making Byakuya and Aizen abandon the idea of adopting Rukia was cruel, that he never could have done that to him. Why does  _ everything _ have to come back to that lapsed relationship like this?

Grimmjow stretches out a hand, resting it on his knee and squeezing gently. “Then my advice is, as soon as you get a free minute, sit him down and tell him you’re going to try for him and for yourself. And just, fight through this shit. It won’t ever magically be easier, but it gets easier with time as long as you keep working on moving through it.”

“I thought  _ Del Toro _ would give me the chance to be open about it,” Starrk admits. “When they pitched the idea, I was like, oh, I could come out. No one would see it coming.”

Remembering  _ all _ of the films where Starrk had more chemistry with his male co-leads than with his love interests, Grimmjow forces a smile. “Maybe some people would.”

“I don’t think Yylfordt has a label for how he feels about his sexuality so he’s not been so much help.  _ Just tell them you’re open-minded. _ ” Starrk fumbles his cell phone out of his pocket, taps what is likely his pass code in, and passes the device to Grimmjow.

His mouth drops about as hard as his stomach does. “This is your man? Holy shit.”

_ Do not tell him. Do not tell him you stuck your tongue down his boyfriend’s throat. _

Just because Grimmjow never got the name of the first man he kissed doesn’t mean he doesn’t remember his face or the sound of his voice, the messy pink hair and the askew glasses and those bright, sharp golden eyes.  _ Szayel, huh? _ It about measured up with him talking about being from out of the country but coming here to study because out of all of the universities he applied to, the one they were at was the most interesting.

“He’s beautiful,” he says because at least that much of a statement is safe to say. “Well, look, man. I can’t imagine being in your position because I’m not famous, but I’m telling you that the truth is gonna be a hell of a lot easier to live than any lie you could come up with.”

“Just thanks for listening. You’re incredible for that alone.” Starrk claps him on the shoulder. “I’ve taken up too much of your time. We should probably get to work.”

Grimmjow pushes himself to his feet, dusting off his shorts as he stands. “Don’t even worry about it. I’m happy to help if I can. Especially if it’s this kinda thing.”

He works Starrk hard like he does every day and by the time he’s showered and leaving the gym, thinking about the obscene amount of money he’s getting paid to micro-focus on a single client, he feels better. Better than he has in a long time. If the Starrk situation is actually resolving itself into something he can understand and empathize with, then he no longer has to dread coming to work each day to deal with him.

Since he has the time and Ulquiorra is busy at home right now, he runs assorted errands for most of the rest of the day. They have the wedding to think about in a few more months and the thought makes a little excited kick go off in his stomach. Who would have thought he would be  _ marrying _ the love of his life? Who would have thought he even had one? The conversation with Starrk brought home just how little he had known what he wanted when he was growing up and trying to find himself and figure out his identity.

And now he’s thinking about standing at the altar with Ulquiorra, reciting their vows to one another, and tying their lives together in front of their friends and family.

He picks up groceries last and texts Ulquiorra to let him know he’s on the way home around four, pulling up in the garage about fifteen minutes later. Ulquiorra comes to meet him and help him bring things inside, and he’s happy to see Bazz actually sitting up on the couch, his hair damp— probably from a shower— and changed into fresh clothes.  _ Nice job, Quiorra. _

“Hey, man.” Grimmjow loops through the living room so he can wrap an arm around Bazz’s shoulders, kissing the side of his head. “How have you been feeling today?”

“Byakuya called,” Bazz tells him, and Grimmjow freezes at the mention of that name, his face still pressed into Bazz’s hair. “Other than that, I’ve been feeling a lot better day. You guys have been the fucking best, you know that? Thanks so much for taking care of me.”

“Shut the hell up. You needed it. It was just the right thing to do.” Grimmjow grips him by the jaw so he can turn his head and kiss him properly. “‘Sides, I’m happy to help.”

“Can I help you guys put stuff up?” Bazz asks, eyeing where Ulquiorra is setting bags down on the table. “Be nice to get up and do something. It helps me feel a bit better.”

Grimmjow nods, squeezing him in a one-armed hug. “Feel free if you’re up to it, Bazz.”

“You missed getting to see Yumichika a second time. I know you must be gutted about that,” Ulquiorra says, giggling softly when Grimmjow swears and snaps his fingers. Yumichika is fucking  _ cool _ for someone who projects the image of being a self-obsessed pretty boy for the masses. “He dropped off some paperwork for Bazz about Nozarashi and their upcoming tour. Byakuya called to ask why he wasn’t at the meeting.”

“I bet he was just so warm and fuzzy about the entire situation,” Grimmjow mutters.

Bazz sidles up next to him, unpacking the bags with expert precision, carefully stacking all of the groceries on the table. “Actually, he was kinda nice-sounding about it on the phone. I mean, I don’t for five seconds think he actually meant anything by it. I think it just tripped him up because he thought I’d gotten hungover and just chose not to come in.”

“It doesn’t hurt anyone to be humbled. Is this all that was in the car, Grimm?” Ulquiorra asks, and Grimmjow nods, kissing the top of his head as he brushes past him to lock the garage up for the evening. As of right now, they have no plans to go anywhere.

The three of them together put the groceries away and Ulquiorra excuses himself to go take a shower while Grimmjow noses into his latest sketchbook to see what he’s probably been working on today. There are a few sketches of Bazz of course, sleeping on the couch and standing in the kitchen, as well as a few other things that Grimmjow isn’t sure he knows why Ulquiorra was drawing them in the first place. Still, the vine of roses curling around the spine of the notebook on either side is pretty to look at. Maybe he had been bored; Ulquiorra once told him florals were easy when he was feeling restless.

A knock on the door startles him from his thoughts and he sets the sketchbook back down on the table, crossing the apartment quickly to get to the door. Orihime and Ichigo, come to check on them after this weekend? Probably. They both worry too much for their own—

Grimmjow feels his soul backflip the fuck out of his body when he swings the door open, expecting one of their friends, and finds Aizen Sosuke standing on his doorstep.

“Shit.” It leaves his mouth before he can stop himself, a faint whisper of a sound that makes Aizen wince slightly.  _ Sosuke? This can’t be possible. I have to be hallucinating. _

“Grimmjow, who’s at the— Oh.” Ulquiorra sidles up next to him, then freezes.

_ Must have seen me sprinting across the apartment like an idiot coming down the stairs. _

“I’m sorry to disturb the two of you this evening, but I wanted to check up on Bazz and make sure he’s doing all right,” Aizen says, his voice soft and careful and entirely lacking any sense of cold impersonality Grimmjow would have thought he’d affect in a situation like this one. “I’m sure you can handle sub drop perfectly well, but I still wanted to check.”

Ulquiorra clears his throat slightly; Grimmjow can see his Adam’s apple bob hard. “Of course. It’s the first time it’s happened. Do you… Do you want to come in?”

Should they let him in? Grimmjow feels like letting Aizen into their apartment again is going to create no end of trouble and he isn’t sure he can trust himself to act like a normal person around him considering the last time they saw each other, it rent his fucking soul into pieces.  _ Inevitable, _ he reminds himself, but that didn’t make it easier to accept they had to let go of someone they had truly begun to think of in such an affectionate and loving fashion. Hell, Grimmjow hadn’t fallen for someone so hard since he met Ulquiorra.

Which is  _ exactly _ the kind of thinking that is going to get them all in trouble.

“I don’t have to if I can just speak to Bazz,” Aizen says, voice so cautiously polite.

Grimmjow glances toward Bazz in the kitchen, then back to Aizen. “You might as well just come in, then, he’s helping us put up groceries. Um… Can I get you something to drink?”

What the fuck is normal behavior in this kind of situation? He needs someone to sit down and explain the rules to him when your ex-boyfriend shows up at the door to check on your maybe-boyfriend’s condition in sub drop. How do you even get  _ experience _ so that when a situation like this one rolls around, you’re actually prepared to handle it?

“Thank you.” Aizen crosses the threshold into their apartment and slips off his shoes and  _ fuck, _ why didn’t he get any less beautiful in the time he was away?

Slowly, mechanically, Grimmjow closes the door behind him, catching just a whiff of cologne as he does that brings back far too many memories for him to want to think about it right now. Or ever again. There was no thinking about the situation that was useful or helpful so he moved on and tried never to let his mind wander back to it, to pick at the threads and the seams until he found a way for all of them to be happy again.

Surely that could not be a  _ good _ way to think about things between the three of them.

“You’re looking well, Sosuke,” Ulquiorra says, and now he sounds more himself, more sure of the situation. Which is fucking great, because Grimmjow is hopelessly lost.

“Fatherhood has been treating me very well,” Aizen says, as if really bringing it home just why the three of them aren’t together anymore, a subtle reminder that gives Grimmjow some peace of mind. “You’re looking much healthier and happier. I’m glad to see that.”

“I took your advice and started seeing a therapist and getting treatment for my various issues,” Ulquiorra says, and Grimmjow smiles. He’s never  _ not _ proud of Ulquiorra.

Feeling like this conversation might be a little awkward with him just standing here, he nudges everyone’s shoes into a neater alignment on the mat. “Things have been going well at work for me,” he offers up as casually as he can. “What about you? How’s work been?”

“Quiet. We haven’t had to deal with any major scandals and I have to say I’m becoming a bit bored with no challenge.” Aizen’s lips quirk up in a smile and Grimmjow grins despite himself, then has to mentally shake himself because  _ what the fuck are you doing? _

The tension in the air has not dissipated; rather, it feels like it’s clouding his judgement and making it hard for him to see exactly what they should be doing. Standing here making small talk instead of just taking Aizen to see Bazz so he can be satisfied the two of them are doing a good job with him and then send him on his way is  _ stupid _ and he knows at the very least, Ulquiorra is much smarter than this. Maybe not him, but his fiance sure is.

“How have you been?” Ulquiorra asks him, leading him toward the kitchen.  _ Smart man. _

“Fine, I suppose. I get enough sleep at night, our house has settled, we just managed to find a lovely babysitter for Rukia so we can have some peace of mind during the day when we’re at work.” Aizen speaks so clearly, so calmly, and it gives Grimmjow a moment to breathe, picking his way around the two of them so he can help Bazz with the groceries.

“Why’s he here?” Bazz asks him, keeping his voice whisper-soft as he bumps into Grimmjow, nudging him just a little with the point of his elbow.

“To make sure we’re taking good care of you,” Grimmjow murmurs back, and Bazz looks so pleasantly surprised by this information it makes his heart squeeze. “Man, I didn’t know what I’d be feeling when I saw him again. My emotions feel chaotic as fuck.”

Bazz wings up a magenta eyebrow at him, pinning him in place with those piercing eyes. “Did you ever actually get  _ over _ him or are you still in love with him?”

What a fucking  _ question, _ Grimmjow muses with a rising level of terror in his gut.

“Hello, Bazz.” Aizen’s smile is warm, far too warm. God, can he  _ just _ be less beautiful? Can Grimmjow look at him and remember anything but how many times he held him and kissed him and taught Aizen to trust him? “I just wanted to stop in and make sure you were well.”

“Thanks. I’ve definitely been better but they’re taking good care of me.” Bazz flashes Aizen a thumbs up. “You didn’t have to come all this way, though. Hey, can you tell Byakuya I’ll have gone over all the paperwork by Wednesday? So he won’t worry about it.”

“Of course I can. Just don’t push yourself too much while you’re in drop. It can make it a lot harder to bounce back from.” Aizen’s voice is stern, but caring and soft as well.

Bazz scoffs at him. “I will, no worries. Quiorra’s been making sure I take it easy and eat and drink water and shit. Have a fun day at the office without me to cause trouble?”

“You’re not that hard to cover up for, you know.” Aizen pats him on the shoulder and Grimmjow breathes a sigh of relief; so things are okay. Good. “I think it strains Byakuya more than it does me. Mostly I keep getting phone calls from journalists wondering who the two handsome men in your Instagram photos are. Now, I wonder—”

“Us?” Grimmjow asks, feeling like an  _ idiot _ for speaking at all.  _ Shut the fuck up, man! _

Aizen blinks at him and then smiles faintly, nodding once. “Yes. You and Ulquiorra. I’ve simply turned those away though, reminding everyone that Bazz does have friends.”

“Thank you. I don’t think any of us intend to drag this into the public eye so it’s good to know that we have someone on our side in this, too.” Ulquiorra touches him briefly on the shoulder and Grimmjow really just wants to  _ die _ because that would make life easier for him right now. Ulquiorra can’t just do things like  _ casually _ touch him on the arm like this.

_ Did you ever actually get over him? _

When Aizen rests his hand on top of Ulquiorra’s, it looks like it takes a physical effort for him to do only that. “Of course. It’s not necessarily something that everyone wants despite what popular opinion states. Oh, I see a painting up on the wall. Is that one of yours?”

“It is.” Ulquiorra nods. “I’ve been painting quite a lot lately. Bazz bought me watercolors.”

Aizen smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “That’s wonderful. Well, I won’t take up any more of your time. I just wanted to check on Bazz, and he looks like he’s doing perfectly fine, so I’ll be going home for the night. It was lovely seeing you two again.”

Grimmjow feels something weird curl up tight in his stomach when Ulquiorra offers to walk Aizen to the door, his hands resting on top of the forgotten groceries for just a moment as he eyes the shape of Aizen’s back, remembers holding him close. Remembers Aizen walking into their apartment and sweeping him off of his feet because he was so childishly excited to see him again that he couldn’t behave normally in front of him. Remembers Aizen’s back pressed up against his chest in bed, Aizen safe between him and Ulquiorra.

He thought it would be easier. Time has passed. He and Ulquiorra are happy, and they have Bazz now, so why would he still have any feelings whatsoever for Aizen?

Why is seeing him again like a hand wrapping around his heart and ripping it out?

Bazz’s hand drops down on his shoulder, squeezing it tight. “Don’t be a fucking idiot about this,” he says, and Grimmjow is about to thank him for the reminder when Bazz keeps talking. “You got something to say to him? Go get him before it’s too fucking late.”

“I…” Grimmjow swallows hard, then rounds the table and retraces his steps from only minutes ago, his feet coming down far too hard on the hardwood flooring.

_ Are you still in love with him? _

His hand closes around Aizen’s wrist and he pulls, swinging the man around to face him, intent on just telling him how he feels right now. But for a split second, he sees Aizen’s face— those soft and handsome features, those warm brown eyes slightly widened in shock, full lips parted around a slight gasp— And words fail him. Words could never really convey the tumultuous emotions roiling in his gut right now.

_ You can still let him go and end this, _ he thinks to himself in a moment that seems too long and too short, a moment that is not a moment. A gasp between a decision and the resulting consequences it will bring.  _ You can let go of his wrist and watch him walk out the door and let everything go, and wouldn’t it be better for all of you if you did? _

_ But… Aren’t you still in love with him, Grimmjow? _

He could let Aizen go and never think about it again, but instead he hauls Aizen up against his chest, arms wrapping tight around him. There is something about holding him again that feels natural, feels right, like Aizen was always meant to stand right here in his arms, and something about this realization makes Grimmjow feel both relieved and sick to his stomach. Aizen’s head comes to rest against his shoulder just where it should.

“Grimmjow…” Aizen breathes his name against the side of his neck but makes no move to escape his arms. Rather, Grimmjow can feel Aizen’s hands come to rest on his sides.

“I’m sorry.” It comes out before he can stop it, eyes squeezing shut as he presses his cheek to the top of Aizen’s head. “Just fucking punch me for grabbing you if you want but I couldn’t just… Let you go. Not again. I missed you so much, do you even know how much?”

He senses movement and drags his eyes open to find Ulquiorra stepping up behind Aizen, a concerned expression on his face though there’s something almost unreadable in his gaze. Grimmjow has nothing to say to him, not now, not when his brain is firing at a million kilometers a minute and Aizen’s body is fitting against the harsher lines of his like it was always meant to fit right here. When Ulquiorra presses up against Aizen’s back, cheek cushioned against his shoulder blade, startling another gasp out of him, Grimmjow closes his eyes. He can feel Aizen trembling faintly in their shared embrace.

“I do know,” Aizen murmurs, fingers pressing into Grimmjow’s sides. “I missed you so much. I… I thought coming here would make closure easier. That I could see you both and then go home and feel like I’d made progress on letting everything go. But I  _ can’t. _ ”

Ulquiorra hums softly; Grimmjow can feel the vibration of it more than hear it. “When I heard Byakuya’s voice on the phone today, it made me think of you. I didn’t think you’d come over to check on Bazz. I wasn’t prepared for seeing your face again.”

“I should have called.” Aizen’s words are soft, are wet, and Grimmjow hugs him tighter despite himself. Feels Ulquiorra press closer to him, sandwiching Aizen between them like they can chase all of the pain away. Grimmjow has never felt so fucking helpless. “I should have just called you and asked if I could come check on him. I don’t know why I didn’t. I don’t know why a phone call seemed harder than talking to you in person did.”

“It’s okay. We’re not mad.” Grimmjow tilts his head, takes a calculated risk, and presses his lips against Aizen’s hair. Still soft and smooth like silk, so well taken care of.

He keeps waiting for this moment to collapse in on itself, a harsh reminder of the split in their lives, but Ulquiorra keeps it together. “Sometimes it’s just easier to say some things face to face. Sosuke, what’s the real reason you came over here to see us?”

“I talked with Shinji recently. I… About everything. I’d talk to Byakuya about it but he’s still so angry about what happened and he seems so happy otherwise and I just… But Shinji was impartial. Or as impartial as it can get.” Aizen sniffles and Grimmjow feels something in his chest squeeze so tight it makes it hard for him to breathe for a moment, like a fist behind his ribs mangling his heart, cracking his ribs in the process.

Ulquiorra’s arms slide between their bodies, settling around Aizen’s waist. “Byakuya has ever right to be angry with us, especially me. I’m sorry I gave you the false hope that I could get my mind around it. I should have been honest with you from the start.”

“I’m not upset with him for being angry. It’s just how he’s processing things.” Aizen sniffles again and Grimmjow slips a hand up into his hair, snapping the elastic band holding it back so he can run his fingers through Aizen’s hair. “Grimmjow, please, I…”

“You need me to stop touching you like this? I don’t think I can. Not when you’re crying on my shoulder, baby.” How could he just stand here and let it happen? He’d be a monster.

Bazz’s voice breaks through the tension of the moment and Grimmjow feels so keenly fucking  _ awful _ for doing this when he’s here and he needs them, but his voice sounds surprisingly stable. “You three should sit down on the couch if you’re gonna have this big emotional moment. Want me to mediate? I was pretty good helping Quiorra out.”

“Bazz,” Ulquiorra murmurs, “you’re in drop, you shouldn’t have to deal with this—”

“Oh, fuck, I’m okay. I mean, it’s a little rough, but I’m not as bad off as I was on Saturday night.” Bazz steps into Grimmjow’s line of sight, resting a hand on top of Ulquiorra’s head. “Besides, Sosuke’s my friend. I can’t just stand here and watch him try not to cry.”

_ How can you be so fucking perfect? _ Grimmjow wonders  _ not _ for the first time, except he’s not jerking off in his college dorm to an album. He has actual proof this time.

He’s surprised when Ulquiorra steps back and Bazz is there, hand smoothing along Aizen’s back where Grimmjow’s arms are not touching them. “Let’s all sit down, okay, Sosuke? I know it’s a bit of an emotional moment but you’ve probably had a fucking awful day in that stuffy fucking office so let’s all just sit down and you guys can talk about this. Want a drink? Alcohol’s probably a bad idea since you drove yourself here.”

“We can always drive him if it comes down to it,” Grimmjow offers, thinking they’d have to take  _ both _ cars and wouldn’t  _ that _ be a pain in the ass, but Aizen laughs against his neck.

“No, no, he’s right. Alcohol would make things harder.” Sosuke steps back, thumbing tears away from those beautiful brown eyes. “But tea would be lovely.”

“I’ll make some.” Ulquiorra slips past all of them, hand brushing against Grimmjow’s arm in a gesture he realizes is purposeful. Trying to offer him some measure of comfort.

By the end of the night, he’ll probably be regretting not drinking to get through this.

“Hey, baby.” Bazz’s voice is low, soft, strokes along his spine and he tilts his head to see that Bazz… Is talking to Aizen, has turned Aizen to face him and is gently combing his fingers through Aizen’s hair. Trying to calm him down. “Come on, just come sit down. Been a long time since we’ve been in the same room and you were crying, huh?”

“I don’t even remember what the last time was. I was probably drunk for it,” Aizen murmurs, laughing a little self-deprecating laugh that makes Grimmjow ache.

When Bazz laughs, the sound is soft, all the edges shaved off. “Yeah, you were. We both were. That was after the bar thing, remember? Zaraki and Byakuya.”

“Oh, that.” Aizen sighs softly, and when he tries to wipe the tears away again, Bazz catches his wrist, brushes the tears away for him. Like they’ve done this before, and it makes Grimmjow wonder if their relationship would be completely fine just like this if he and Ulquiorra never came into the picture. “That wasn’t a very good time for me.”

Bazz pats him on the cheek. “Me, neither, tell you the truth.” When his eyes drift up over Aizen’s shoulder and meet Grimmjow’s finally, the slight smile on his face widens. “Man, if you could just see Grimm’s face right now. Looks like he’d move fucking mountains to make you stop crying. Let’s all sit down and he’s probably going to want to hold you again.”

As soon as Aizen sits down in the center of the couch, Grimmjow drops down next to him and embraces him again. He can feel the small, minute trembles making their way through Aizen’s body as he tries to hold himself together, tangling his fingers up in Aizen’s hair as he presses his lips to Aizen’s temple again. This is fine, right? They don’t have to be dating for him to hold Aizen, kiss his head, reassure him everything is going to be okay.

Is it still going to be okay by the end of the conversation? He just doesn’t know.

Ulquiorra returns with tea for all four of them balanced on a tray and sets it on the coffee table, eyeing where Bazz has taken up residence in the chair. “That’s my favorite seat.”

“Maybe so. Thank you for the tea, Quiorra, you’re an angel.” Bazz snags a mug and smiles pleasantly at him, then points a finger at the couch. “This is your favorite chair, but you need to be sitting with Sosuke right now. We both know that you want to.”

“Is it okay to want to?” Ulquiorra asks the question that’s been looming in different versions in Grimmjow’s mind ever since he saw Aizen’s face on the other side of the door.

Bazz raises his shoulders. “I couldn’t say. That’s for you to figure out, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so.” Ulquiorra sits down on the end of the couch and turns his body toward Aizen, and Grimmjow’s arms shift so that Aizen can face him better, too. He wants Aizen to see the raw emotion in Ulquiorra’s eyes, to know he’s not the only one handling some truly complex emotions. “Do you want to start by telling us about the Shinji conversation?”

“He was the one who said I should come see you.” Sosuke wipes a tear away. “He was right.”

Grimmjow remembers Shinji all too well, blond hair and a hint of sass but when he knelt in front of Aizen, there was perfection in every sense of his posture. He also remembers Shinji perched on Aizen’s lap, the way they touched each other so casually while still remaining on nothing but a friendly basis. It almost makes Grimmjow want to bark laughter. If they had been able to remain on casual terms, this disaster could have been averted.

But Aizen wouldn’t be sitting here in his arms, so would it have been for the better or not?

“Why did he want you to come see us? The last time I spoke with him, he was the one making it clear that we should split up.” Ulquiorra frowns and Grimmjow makes a small noise of agreement; he remembered Ulquiorra telling him about that conversation.

Aizen is quiet for a moment. “I didn’t know about that conversation until he told me about it. I… I lashed out at him for getting involved. It almost ruined our friendship.”

“Don’t.” Grimmjow presses tight up against his back, hears the moment when Aizen gasps softly, a hand gripping one of his forearms. “Don’t let your life fall apart because of us, okay? I… You were special as hell to us but don’t do that to yourself.”

“I didn’t mean to. I was trying to remain calm but I was so immature about the situation. Shinji didn’t deserve it.” Aizen sniffles and lowers his head; Ulquiorra’s fingers are there, brushing the strands back behind his ear. “But we talked it out and made up. And he told me he thought he was doing the right thing at the time. Trying to protect me.”

Ulquiorra’s hand drops down to Aizen’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “I suppose he was, in his way. Knowing things wouldn’t work out and trying to help the best he could.”

“He’s not a bad person,” Aizen insists, and Grimmjow leans in to kiss his hair.

“We know he’s not. If he thought he was protecting you, I’m not gonna be pissed at him.” How could they be? Shinji had been right to want to protect Aizen, and from the way the conversation had gone, from what Ulquiorra recounted to him, Grimmjow had to admit he would have done the same thing for one of his own friends if he could help them.

Aizen is quiet for a moment, his head bowed. When he inhales, the sound is small and quivering. “He realized I was still in love with both of you. That I should come see you and decide if I could walk away once I was in the apartment. That was his advice.”

“And I grabbed your hand. I’m sorry.” Grimmjow presses his face into Aizen’s hair once more and he fucking  _ hates _ himself so much,  _ hates _ himself for making it hard for Aizen to let go. It didn’t work out; they all need to go on with their lives. “You were going to—”

“No.” Aizen’s voice is terse but firm. “I wasn’t. You just gave me an excuse not to.”

Bazz clears his throat, props his feet up on the coffee table. “So you came out here to check on me and to see how you felt around them. That makes more sense.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t care about your well-being, you know. I really did want to make sure that you were okay,” Aizen says, but Bazz only raises a hand and smiles.

“Prince Charming, I get it, I do. I’m sure one of you would have come over regardless to make sure I was all right, it’s not like Yumi would know.” Bazz’s smile softens further and finally, Aizen manages to smile back at him. “I’m glad it was you, though. I like talking to you more than I do Byakuya, no offense, but he’s not really liked me in years.”

“He just doesn’t like that you make so much trouble for the band,” Aizen protests.

In answer, Bazz laughs. “I guess that’s fair, I’ve had enough drunken Twitter rants to last me a lifetime. So you weren’t going to walk out the door. I’m gonna take a shot in the dark here and say you would have gotten all the way to it and then turned around.”

“I was going to ask Ulquiorra if we could sit down and talk about what happened,” Aizen says, and Grimmjow feels less bad about grabbing him now. “I thought I could remain calm about everything and converse about it as if it was all water under the bridge, but… When Grimmjow pulled me into his arms, it really just brought home how not over this I am.”

“For a minute there I was pissed at myself for not just letting you go,” Grimmjow says.

“Not to be corny but the old saying is that if you love something, you let it go. If it loves you, it comes back.” Bazz shrugs and Grimmjow picks up a couch pillow, winging it at his head and just barely missing. “Hey! I could have spilled this delicious tea on myself.”

“Then just get more.” Ulquiorra rolls his eyes, then turns back to Aizen, and the softness in his expression breaks Grimmjow’s heart. “I’ve thought about you recently. You’re not an easy man to forget, you know. And the bond between us… It was so—”

Aizen presses a hand to his own chest. “It was special,” he says. “I could trust both of you to take care of me and see me for who I was. I didn’t have to be afraid or doubt. And you trusted me with your bodies and I only hope I proved I could take care of you, too.”

Grimmjow takes his hand and kisses the back of it. “Bazz’s nickname was right, y’know. You’re a fucking prince. Probably why we couldn’t just forget about you.”

“So,” Bazz says, and Grimmjow is about to say something to him for ruining the moment when his question makes Grimmjow feel slightly scared, “where do you go from here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooOOOooOOOOooH i wonder what happens next
> 
> kudos to anyone who figures out what bar situation aizen and bazz were talking about


	14. a little bit of a heart to heart

“I don’t know.” Ulquiorra’s teeth rasp across his lower lip before he looks directly into Aizen’s eyes. “What do you want, Sosuke? Do you want to be with us again?”

This is not, in hindsight, how Bazz thought his evening was going to go when Aizen walked in the door and wanted to check on him. Truth be told, though, he was flattered Aizen even thought of doing such a thing for him and holds to it that Aizen would have come to see him regardless of where he was or who he was with as long as he knew the situation. Was it harder to justify coming because of Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, or was that just the icing on the cake? Not necessarily good icing. More like the sad icing topping a whole cake of uncertainty and sadness, based on the way this conversation has been going.

Aizen lowers his head and Bazz can see his misery written in the way he tightens his jaw, the way he knots his fingers up in the ends of his hair. Oh, he remembers this look. It was not a good look then and is not one now. “I don’t want to intrude,” he says softly. “I can see the two of you have a relationship with Bazz, and the last thing I want to do—”

“Whoa!” Bazz throws a hand up to stop him. “They don’t have one of those with me.”

It really  _ stings _ to say that out loud, especially after this weekend, but it wasn’t as though Bazz would lie to the man. Even a lie of omission in a situation like this one would spell certain doom for all of them, and what he wants is for everyone to walk away from this happy— Except for him. He’s okay with walking away from this utterly miserable if these three are happy given the sheer heartache they had all been through.

Grimmjow looks at him. “Do you want to have one of those with us, though? You do, right?”

_ God fucking damn it, Grimmjow, don’t you have a relationship to fix right in front of you? _ “Man, like, not to change the subject, but this seems like a terrible fucking time to have that conversation. ‘Sides, I told you guys I was fine with being just your friend.”

“That’s a yes,” Ulquiorra translates, and Bazz pouts at him even as something nervous kicks in his gut, reminds him that this is very dangerous territory to tread.

Aizen clears his throat softly. “I should probably go home for the evening and let the three of you talk this out, as I can see I’ve said something I shouldn’t have said.”

“No, you aren’t.” Grimmjow’s arms tighten around him, pulling Aizen back into his chest, startling a soft gasp from him. “Just sit here in my arms while we have the conversation if you want to. It’s only gonna take five minutes. Bazz, be honest. What do you want?”

“A drink.” It’d be so much easier to get through this if he just had come alcohol in him.

Ulquiorra frowns at him. “You make it sound like saying you want us is some awful thing.”

“Fuck, Quiorra, you know that’s not how I feel.” Bazz stares down into his mug of tea and wonders if there’s a way to get this chair to just swallow him up. It certainly is plush enough. “Yeah, okay, I want you both. I want you both so much it’s a little bit ridiculous, but it’s not like… You have this to fix, don’t you? That should be your priority.”   


When Aizen looks at him, it rips something in Bazz’s chest free of his ribcage. “Bazz, I don’t want to be in the way. I can go home and come back some other time.”

“You aren’t going anywhere. I’m not getting in your way either.” This is such a mess. Bazz sets his mug on the table and rakes a hand through his hair before shoving himself up from the chair, hauling Ulquiorra off of the couch so he can sit down instead. Then he pulls Ulquiorra down on his lap, shoving his face in Ulquiorra’s shoulder to hide the furious blush on his face. “There. Now we’re all talking things out together in one big group. Sharing is caring. Yes, I wanna date you both. But I won’t want to get in the way, either.”

Ulquiorra’s hands come to rest on top of his, folded carefully over Ulquiorra’s stomach. “I would like to date you officially. You’ve always been so kind to me, so caring. Putting us first, it meant a lot to me. If you want us, then I definitely want you.”

“Agreed.” Grimmjow has to lean over quite a lot to touch Bazz’s forearm, but he does it. “I want you, too. Man, I’ve been all over you. What did you expect out of me?”

“I didn’t expect anything. Told myself I’d be happy just being your guys’ friend and occasional sex buddy if it meant I got to see you both at your happiest.” Saying it out loud makes him sound like such an idiot, he’s sure, but at least he’s an honest idiot.

Grimmjow laughs softly. “Well, I’m glad we know the truth now. Because I definitely want you in our lives as our boyfriend. You good with that, too? That label and all?”

“Hell yeah.” Bazz finally manages to lift his head, resting his chin on Ulquiorra’s shoulder. “I just went from being single to having two hot boyfriends, holy shit. I’m the luckiest goddamn man on the planet. Sosuke, is this just how you feel all the time?”

Aizen says nothing for a moment and then exhales slowly, and his smile is pained. “I really do think I should go home. It’s not right to force this conversation on any of you. You were having a lovely evening before I came here and ruined it, so I should just go back home.”

“No.” Grimmjow’s arms tighten again, and Aizen makes a small noise in the back of his throat. “No. Hell no. Where do we go from here? I want to go back to you sitting between us on the couch and listening to me rant about Coyote Starrk’s terrible movies.”

Bazz’s heart constricts at the words. “Sosuke, they both obviously still love you.”

Was it weird to be pulling for a guy he should probably be viewing as competition in some way, shape, or form? No, that was stupid to even think about. Aizen was never going to be competition because Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were more mature than that, and Bazz knows he has nothing to worry about where they are concerned; they would never just out and out leave him like that. They would never choose Aizen over him. That wasn’t even how polyamory worked, he was just thinking weird thoughts.

Sue him. He’s torn between being giddy over being their  _ boyfriend _ and seeing an old friend suffer because of the impossible situation the three of them ended up in.

“We do still love you.” Ulquiorra cups Aizen’s cheek, forces Aizen to look at him. “I have not spent countless hours in therapy over the last few months to not understand my own feelings. I love you. I miss you. I want you in my life again, any way I can have you.”

Aizen’s breathing is soft and shuddery, and he sounds like he’s about to cry again. “I just… I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve made this situation so complicated for all of you.”

“All of us?” Bazz asks. “You including me in that? Because I could not care less who else these two date. If they wanna date you, they should. Remember what I told you that night? You should date whoever the fuck you wanna date in your situation.”

“You did say that. That’s one of the only things I remember about that night.” Aizen picks up his own cup of tea, and Bazz wonders if he wishes it was alcohol.

Certainly, booze made Aizen talk. Bazz figured that out pretty quickly one night at the house, finding Aizen sitting in the kitchen and crying just out of sight of everyone in the living room, silently wiping the tears away. It was before everything between them went to shit so he sat down, gave Aizen a shoulder, and let Aizen tell him everything he had been struggling with since the headlines, the tabloids, the accusations and whispers. How he managed to sneak himself away in the kitchen and drink himself into such a stupor without anyone else noticing is still something that doesn’t sit right with Bazz to this day.

Maybe he has more reasons to be pissed at Byakuya than he wants to admit to. Either way, he carried Aizen up to bed, made sure he had a glass of water waiting for him, and called it a night. Disenchanted with the entire evening and the idea of drinking any more.

_ I’m tired of seeing you cry, Sosuke, _ he thinks, stretching out a hand to pull a strand of hair away from Aizen’s mouth before he risks swallowing it when he sips his tea. “So you should take it to heart and date them if you want to. And I know you want to.”

“I do.” Aizen gulps the tea down and sets the mug down, the soft clink of the ceramic on the wood echoing in the quiet room. “I want to be with them again so much.”

Grimmjow makes a small, thankful noise against the side of Aizen’s neck. “I’m so glad,” he whispers. “I missed you so much, I’m so fucking glad you just said that.”

“Come here.” Ulquiorra holds his arms out and Aizen sniffles softly but leans into them, letting Ulquiorra hold him; Bazz can feel his stomach soft and warm pressed against the back of his hands where they’re still resting around Ulquiorra’s waist. “I’m sorry it was so hard for all of us. I’m sorry that it ended the way it did. But we’ve both missed you terribly and if you sincerely want to try this again, we’ll do everything we can for you.”

“There’s one problem with that, of course. Rukia,” Aizen reminds him softly.

Ulquiorra does not so much as wince. “If you want us to meet your daughter, we’ll be kind to her. I can’t promise you that I could treat her like one of my own because I still don’t think I’m cut out for it, but she has three fathers. I don’t think she needs two more.”

“That works, doesn’t it?” Bazz asks, and he can’t really resists running his own hand through Aizen’s hair to try to calm him down. It’s too much a reminder of that night for him to just sit here and do nothing about it. “You’re just casually dating right now. As long as they’re good to her, it should be enough. If things change, you can talk about it then.”

Aizen’s eyelids flutter shut and Bazz breathes a sigh of relief at seeing him more relaxed now. “I suppose so. I just… I want this to work. This was the reason it didn’t last time.”

“We’ll try,” Ulquiorra says. “ _ I’ll _ try, for certain. I’d rather try than lose you again.”

Grimmjow nods, presses himself against Aizen’s back so all four of them are crammed onto like two-thirds of the couch, impossibly close. “I agree with that sentiment. Don’t ever wanna watch you walk out that door and think you aren’t going to come back through it.”

“That’s so lovely to hear.” Aizen lets his head fall back against Grimmjow’s shoulder. “I missed this, the way it felt to be between the two of you. You’re both wonderful.”

Ulquiorra dares to lean forward, lips brushing against Aizen’s cheek in a barely-there kiss. “It’s nice to have you between us again, to be honest. We both missed it so much.”

“I just… I don’t know how Byakuya is going to take—” Aizen starts, and Bazz cuts him off.

“Tell him to deal with it so you can be happy,” he says, and Aizen just blinks at him, leaning back a little to look at him. “I’m serious. Fuck that. Byakuya doesn’t have to  _ approve. _ He never asked you about… You know what. He never asked you about that. I know he didn’t.”

Aizen sighs softly, leans into Ulquiorra once more. “I know. But I don’t want to be childish.”

“Then tell him this is what’s going to make you happy and not having them in your life is making you miserable. This is the  _ easy _ part.” He knows, though, in his heart, that this is so far from the easy part. That Aizen is going to face opposition when he tells Byakuya what he wants because Bazz  _ knows _ Byakuya, and if he still pissed, then he’s fucking pissed.

Would he suck it up and deal with it if it made his husband happy? Would he be willing to make that sacrifice? He better. This wasn’t about him. Ulquiorra and Grimmjow weren’t trying to creep back into his good graces to date him and Renji again, clearly, because that hadn’t even come up and that really told Bazz all he needed to know about that. Unless Byakuya wanted to rent holes into every part of his life from his job to home, then he would let Aizen have this. And  _ maybe _ Bazz would make a genuine effort with the band.

Big maybe. They had to stop being so fucking mean to Yumichika first.

Aizen nuzzles into Ulquiorra’s throat and Bazz hears that soft little whining noise he makes. “He and I haven’t had a proper fight in years. I don’t want to have one. We’ve gotten so much better at communication. I know he’s still upset about what happened.”

“Upset about what aspect of it? ‘Cause we dumped him and Renji, too?” Grimmjow asks.

But Aizen shakes his head. “Upset that my heart was broken. But as much as I know it was for the best, I’m so selfish. I want to find a way to have all of you with me.”

“I’m sorry that you were so hurt, Sosuke. It was never my intention. I wanted to save us all as much heartache as possible. I don’t think I quite accomplished that.” Ulquiorra tucks his face into Aizen’s hair, and Grimmjow does the same. The three of them are a unit.

If Bazz was a more dickish guy, he would be feeling all kinds of threatened by the display, but all he does is rub his hand up Ulquiorra’s stomach.  _ C’mon, you three are doing so good. You can do it. I know you all want it so bad, keep talking things out. _

He wasn’t kidding when he said all he wanted was for them to be happy, after all.

“Are we going to do this?” Aizen asks, his voice soft, careful. “Are we going to try again? I know we’ve all agreed that we want to do this, to try again, but… But are we going to? I need to know. I usually don’t need labels, but I think I need one for this.”

Grimmjow hums, noses the back of his neck and makes Aizen squirm and giggle softly. “How does  _ boyfriend _ sound? Does that sound like a label that works for you?”

“I like the sound of it,” Ulquiorra muses, taking one of Aizen’s hands in his, pressing a soft kiss to the back of his fingers like the classy bastard he is. “I think it fits you, Sosuke.”

“It’s a pretty fucking great label if I do say so myself.” Bazz just can’t keep his mouth shut it seems, but the way Aizen’s lips curl upward in a small smile reassures him that it might not be the worst thing he’s done, speaking out of turn like this.

“Boyfriend,” Aizen murmurs. “I would love to be your boyfriend again, if you’ll both be mine. I just want… Obviously it can’t go back to the exact way that it was, but I want to be with the two of you again. To tell you both how much I love you, to hold you close.”

“Then it’s settled.” Grimmjow takes Aizen’s hand and kisses it himself. “You’re ours again.”

Bazz might hold his breath just a little when Ulquiorra leans forward, cupping Aizen’s jaw as he brings their lips together. It really is a beautiful sight, the way Aizen softens as he tilts his head, their mouths meeting seamlessly, moving together in a soft and slow rhythm as they learn each other again. Aizen’s soft peachy skin is a beautiful contrast against Ulquiorra’s own pale face and Bazz is just lost in the sight of them together, the soft sounds of their kissing and the fact he can see them smiling into the kiss. It’s so precious it makes his heart do somersaults in his chest,  _ fuck _ , he isn’t going to mind watching this.

There is a slight pinky blush in Ulquiorra’s cheeks when he leans back. “Kiss him, Grimm.”

“You don’t have to ask me.” Grimmjow pulls Aizen back against his chest, tilts his head down even as he cradles Aizen’s face in one hand. “I’ve been waiting to do this again.”

There’s something about the way that Grimmjow hunches himself in as he kisses Aizen that takes Bazz’s breath away in a whole different way. Aizen has never looked physically weak, on the slimmer side but he takes care of himself. Broad enough shoulders to be noticable, nice arms, nice torso— Sue Bazz, he looked. But Grimmjow is muscular, wraps his arms around Aizen and curls in around him as he kisses him and Aizen melts into him, letting Grimmjow be bigger than him, letting Grimmjow hold him.

“They’re beautiful together, aren’t there?” Ulquiorra murmurs. “Just look at them kiss.”

Bazz chuckles softly in his ear and nods, kissing the side of his neck. “Believe me, I am.”

“That was wonderful.” Aizen’s face is warm now, cheeks rosy, eyes lidded. “Thank you both for considering this once more. I just… I want things to work this time. I’ll work harder to make sure that they do. Don’t worry about Byakuya. I’ll talk to him about this.”

“If you need backup at any point, you can always call and we’ll be right over there to stand by you.” Grimmjow kisses the side of his neck and Aizen sighs, closing his eyes.

Bazz whistles low in his throat. “You gonna give us a whole show, Grimmjow?”

“Maybe one day.” Grimmjow nuzzles Aizen’s throat before backing off, his hands looped easily around his waist, a mirror to the way Bazz is sitting with Ulquiorra. “Fuck, I can’t believe I went from having one fiance this morning to having one fiance and two boyfriends. It doesn’t seem real. I’m just waiting to wake up at this point.”

Ulquiorra exhales softly and nods. “I know what you mean. Just because I wanted it didn’t mean I thought we were going to get him back. I won’t let him go again. Not ever again.”

“I don’t want you to let me go. And I won’t let you walk away if you try.” Aizen reaches for him and Bazz lets Ulquiorra up out of his lap so he can watch the three of them together, all folded together warm and safe, and then he just  _ has _ to fumble for his phone.

He takes a picture to send to Yumichika with a whole string of thinking emojis and then tosses the phone to the side. “Sosuke, I should apologize for being such a shithead about everything. Making things awkward for the band and making things hard on you by not really talking to the others as much as I should have. ‘Cept for Yumi, that is.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that. I’ve come to understand that Nozarashi has all kinds of problems that you should all sit down and deal with.” Aizen holds a hand out to him and Bazz squeezes it reflexively. “I won’t hold it against you. I should thank you instead for helping us through this conversation. You truly are a good man, Bazzard Black.”

For some reason, Bazz’s stomach does a little flip at those words and he can’t help grinning. “Thank you. That means a lot coming from you. Do  _ I _ get a kiss, too?”

He means it as a joke, as gentle teasing, and has no intention of moving in on the three of them so it quite frankly shocks the fuck out of him when Aizen leans over to him, wraps a hand around the back of his neck, and kisses him square on the mouth.

Bazz has kissed plenty of men in his life. Unlike a lot of his peers growing up, he was never lacking in confidence, something Haschwalth would later tell him was one of his biggest flaws before Bazz sucked his dick. Anyway, plenty of guys. He has experience. He’s kissed some of the most beautiful men he’s ever seen— He’s currently dating  _ two _ of them, for that matter. But when Aizen Sosuke’s lips touch his, his brain fizzes out, a soft pop somewhere in the back of it telling him he needs to reset the breakers if he wants to function like a normal human being for any length of time.

Aizen’s lips are soft and warm and he can taste the lip balm on them, dazzled at the way they move so softly and sweetly against his own. When Aizen leans back, his face is flushed redder like even he’s surprised at how far he was willing to go there.

“Wow.” Bazz swallows. “I was just kidding but holy  _ shit, _ that was such a good kiss.”

“It was the least I could do considering you got me my boys back.” Aizen loops an arm around Grimmjow’s neck and another around Ulquiorra’s, and  _ fuck _ they make such a pretty picture together, all those contrasts. “How are you feeling emotionally right now?”

In answer, Bazz gives him a thumbs up. “Never been better. I’m serious. I’m on top of the world right now. Three hot guys have kissed me today, this is the fucking life.”

“I’m glad. Then I can say that I did my job in coming over.” Aizen sighs and leans back into Grimmjow’s chest, though it’s clear he knows he has to leave soon. “It’s getting so late. If I stay over much longer, Byakuya is going to be suspicious. He’s already going to be upset with me for having done this, but… It really is what will make me happiest.”

Ulquiorra rubs a comforting hand up his thigh. “Byakuya can be stern I’ve seen, but he loves you so much and he can be reasonable, too. I’m sure he won’t give you any trouble about this if he can see it’s what you truly want. Let us know if you need us, okay?”

“Of course.” Aizen sighs again, runs his fingers through Ulquiorra’s hair. “Oh, but I really don’t want to leave. I wish I could stay the night, but we all have work tomorrow.”

Grimmjow hums in agreement, kisses the top of Aizen’s head. “This weekend? You can come stay the whole weekend if you want to. We’ll do whatever you want to do.”

“You know I work from home so my weekends are free,” Ulquiorra adds, and Aizen smiles softly at him and nods, pulling Ulquiorra close so he can kiss him on the forehead.

“I’ll have to check at home to make sure, but I’d like to spend the weekend with you two. Just lounging around the apartment, perhaps remembering that one time I came to visit the two of you…” Aizen lets that trail off and Grimmjow moans softly in answer.

Bazz makes a mental note to drag Yumichika to his house this weekend to make sure that he has something to occupy his time with and wonders if he can get away with sending them sexy selfies or if that would be intrusive. Ah, well, he has time to think about it and can probably just ask outright if they would like privacy. But, like, ask Ulquiorra, because Grimmjow is too nice for his own good and Aizen is too much of a martyr to give him the truth instead of telling Bazz the nicest thing he can think of.

Ulquiorra steals another kiss. “We’ll walk you to your car, Sosuke. C’mon, let’s get you on your way home so the weekend can come even sooner and we can see you again.”

As the three of them leave the apartment, Bazz picks up his phone to find about ten text messages from Yumichika. Mostly screaming and some incoherent keysmashing babbling, but Yumichika does get his shit together enough to ask if that means Bazz is no longer in the picture, which is just all kinds of rude. So he gets to pull up the keyboard and send him the most self-satisfied message of all time.  _ Hell no I’m not out of the picture. I get to date them, too. We labelled it and everything. We’re boyfriends now. _

_ Ugh, I hate you. You’re so lucky, _ Yumichika messages him back.  _ I guess this means we have to play nice with the rest of the band now. Should we like, do dinner this weekend? _

That’s  _ perfect, _ Bazz thinks. Gives him an excuse to think about something else this weekend and not this, which is going to be perfect.  _ Yeah, looks like it. I’ll text Ikkaku and Zaraki since I know how you feel about them these days. You just get Isane. _

_ Love you. Remind me to offer to suck your dick the next time I get drunk. _

Bazz rolls his eyes and sets his phone back down on the table just as Grimmjow and Ulquiorra walk back into the apartment, whispering to each other and giggling softly, their fingers laced together. He just drinks in the sight of them happy, lounging on the couch, and steals Ulquiorra’s cup of tea because it doesn’t look like he was drinking it anyway. It feels genuinely good to know he was able to do something for these men he loves so much and he’s quite proud of himself for not being stupid or jealous about anything. For being the foundation they needed him to be. And now he gets to be their boyfriend.

“You’re the best man in the whole world.” Grimmjow climbs on top of him and kisses him, a long and wet kiss that leaves Bazz blinking in shock. “I can’t fucking believe how good you are. You have no idea how much you just helped us figure that out.”

“What can I say? I’m so good at fixing people’s problems if they aren’t mine,” Bazz quips.

Ulquiorra perches on the arm of the couch behind him, his arms wrapping around Bazz’s shoulders as he leans into him. “Thank you, Bazz, for what you did for us. You helped us get through a very difficult conversation in order to fix the rift between us.”

“You guys have gotta stop before my ego gets so big it needs its own apartment.” Bazz combs his fingers through Grimmjow’s hair, grinning when Grimmjow flattens down against him and makes a small, happy noise muffled against his chest. “Fuck, you keep making noises like that and it’s going to be too late for me. What boyfriend wouldn’t do that, huh?”

“I can think of a hell of a lot of men who wouldn’t encourage their partners to date another man,” Ulquiorra says, and Bazz has to give him that one, honestly.

But he tilts his head back, smiles up into those big green eyes. “I’m one of a kind, what can I say? You’re gonna have to hold onto me, Quiorra, because you aren’t going to find another like me in the whole world. Gotta make it count for as long as it lasts.”

“It’s going to last for a long time, of that I’m certain.” Ulquiorra leans down to kiss him, and the angle is terrible but they make it work just the same.

Bazz feels like… He doesn’t know. There are no words for this. He’d had boyfriends before now of course, but this is different. This feels serious, more real than all of those flights of fancy— Except for Haschwalth, who had been real in the way that it meant he’d left scars when he’d inevitably chosen someone who wasn’t Bazz to be his one and only. But this is safer and more exciting at the same time because Bazz trusts them in a way he feels like he wasn’t going to be able to trust anyone ever again.

“I can’t believe my fucking biggest musical crush is lying on my couch and calling me his boyfriend,” Grimmjow says, and Bazz grins because he just can’t help himself.

“I heard your my biggest fan,” he says, and Grimmjow groans and hides his face, hiding the blush that spreads beneath his skin. “C’mon, those backstage passes couldn’t have been hard to get a hold of. Come up here where I can look at you properly.”

Ulquiorra huffs against the side of his head. “You are the worst. Don’t do this to him. He’s probably been having this exact fantasy for so long he’d come instantly.”

“You think so?” Grimmjow’s eyes harden, accepting the challenge. “We could test that out.”

Instead, Ulquiorra holds up a hand. “Hold on. Bazz, are you feeling up to sex? I know you were feeling a lot better today but I don’t want to push you if you aren’t ready for it.”

“Roleplaying isn’t anything.” Bazz looks back at him, running his fingers along the line of Ulquiorra’s jaw gently. “‘Sides, you’ll be right there with me. I trust you. So let’s do it. Let’s give Grimmjow that fantasy he’s been dreaming.”

Grimmjow climbs into his lap, breathing hot against the side of his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay!!!!!


	15. better left unsaid

Renji sits with his back against the kitchen wall, the back door cracked just enough for him to hear the conversation currently occurring in the backyard. As the minutes ticked by and there was no word back from Aizen and no hint as to what could be happening to keep him so long, Byakuya grew tense and worried, toyed with the idea of calling him and then put the idea to rest when Renji told him to remember to trust Aizen and whatever came next, would come. Truth be told, he never expected Aizen to come home in this state.

“You want me to forgive them.” Byakuya’s voice is cold and clipped. “After how much they made you cry. After how much they broke you. You expect me to  _ forgive _ that.”

Sighing, Renji picks up the an of beer sat between his legs, taking a sip from it. He feels bad for eavesdropping like this, but after seeing Aizen walk in the door with a smile on his face and a light in his eyes, he felt the need to protect that happiness. And because of the source of it, he knows Byakuya is likely to crush it without truly intending to do so.

_ Can’t you just let it go for one night? _ Renji wonders even though he knows that no, Byakuya cannot. That the situation is far too serious to just let such a thing go.

When Aizen answers, his voice is soft and subdued. “I don’t understand why you have to be so upset with them. It didn’t affect you like it did me. I know that, Byakuya.”

“Because of how much it affected you! I don’t know why you can’t understand that. I can’t forgive them because they broke  _ your _ heart. Mine is just fine.” Byakuya sounds like he almost believes that, too, which is the part that really gives Renji pause.

Was he okay? Had he recovered so easily from what happened? Renji still wants the chance to talk to them— something he sees he’s going to have to do in secret now to avoid this kind of a confrontation— but he was dealing. And even so, he never had as much riding on this as Aizen did. He didn’t have to fret over details like whether or not his partner was going to turn their back on him for not having the right body, the right appearance below the belt. Their acceptance helped Aizen more than maybe he himself realized.

“Exactly.  _ My _ heart. So you should let me make this decision for myself and not try to stand in my way or take this away from me.” Aizen is pleading with him to understand.

Byakuya sighs; Renji can imagine him raking his hands through his hair in irritation. “No, Sosuke, I can’t just do that. I can’t stand idly by and let you get hurt again. That makes me complicit in your pain, and I refuse to be the source of your suffering.”

“Making me suffer now is fine then?” Aizen demands. “You’re okay with direct pain?”

“Are you saying me trying to protect you is like what they did to you? How could you ever think there’s  _ anything _ similar about us?” Byakuya’s voice jumps an octave or two.

Aizen’s voice sounds so  _ hurt _ that Renji doesn’t understand how Byakuya can tolerate the sound of it. “Because they tried to protect me, too. The fact that you can’t see that is just proof that you’re still blinded by your anger. You haven’t come to understand like I have.”

“Maybe I don’t want to understand, then.” Byakuya’s voice is sharp, is cruel. “Because that would lead me back into their arms, and that would only end in more pain.”

“You don’t know that. You can’t say with any confidence that it’s going to happen again. It’s different this time.  _ They’re _ different this time.” Aizen is so insistent on this and Renji wonders what happened in that apartment really to have caused such a change.

_ Is it a change? _ No, of course not. At the core of all things, Aizen wanted them back. Renji can recognize that now even though it stings just a little to think about, but he knows reality from fiction and he knows that Aizen never let them go, not in the same way Renji is trying to, the same way Byakuya claims to. Aizen walked into that apartment and maybe he intended to find a way to fix things with Grimmjow and Ulquiorra from the beginning.

So be it. How can Renji blame him? He would do the same for Byakuya.  _ Had _ done the same when their relationship nearly shattered, had gotten down on his knees and apologized until his throat was raw. Had to skip three days of practice after that, too. Nel was pissed.

“One conversation does not change a person,” Byakuya says. “Are you sure it’s not just the sex they want back, Sosuke? Can you be sure they aren’t just using you?”

Renji squeezes his eyes shut. Shit, low blow. Maybe necessary, but  _ fuck, _ he felt that one.

He might be imagining it, but he swears he hears a shudder as Aizen inhales. “How dare you?” His voice quivers in all the wrong places. “How  _ dare _ you? You have no right to say something like that about them. They never used me for anything, Byakuya!”

“How can you be so sure? They ran away at the first sign of any true commitment, didn’t they? Didn’t want to try, even for you, did they?” Byakuya is relentless.

“Can you blame them? It was  _ you _ who tried to manipulate them into it without any thought about what that might do to them!” Christ, they were going for the big guns. Renji gets it. He does. This is serious, but he kind of hoped they’d up in the same bed tonight. At this rate, he isn’t even sure that both of them will sleep under the same roof.

Byakuya’s laughter is harsh. “Blame me, then. I’ll take that blame on. It was my fault. It was all my fault, and I suppose you never wanted Rukia at all, that I was the only one—”

“Fuck you.” The interruption is cold and Renji squeezes his eyes shut.

Silence lingers in the backyard for a moment and then Byakuya sighs. “I’m sorry,” he says, and Renji nods because that is absolutely the only place to start right now. “It was wrong of me to say that. I’m sorry, Sosuke. I’m just upset. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“It isn’t for you to decide if I get hurt again or not. I know the risk. I was the one who watched them walk out the door while you walked away.” Aizen sounds gutted and Renji wishes he could do something to make this better. “Of course I wanted Rukia. I wanted her so much. But you chose manipulation. You do not get a free pass for doing that.”

“You’re right. It’s not fair of me to deflect any blame in this situation.” In his mind’s eye, Renji imagines Byakuya reaching for Aizen to comfort him, wanting to hold him. To soothe the pain his own words had caused, and he wonders when the wounds will be too deep to heal with hugs and kisses and promises. This is their first big fight in a while.

Renji sincerely hopes it will be their last and also not the one that ends them.

It feels foolish to worry considering how long the two of them have been together, but he’s so used to them having conversations with each other that don’t turn into them digging at each other in the backyard in the middle of the night that it feels worse than any other tense moment. Renji takes another sip of beer and wonders how he managed to get into this, if it might be too late to do anything about it. He loves Byakuya. He loves Aizen. But fuck, the tension is eating him up, and he somehow doesn’t think this is going to be a problem that a single conversation can solve all at once.

Aizen’s voice is still low. “I love them. I don’t care how you feel about that. We never had a rule that we both had to agree on each other’s partners. The rules were about jealousy and communication and making time for each other. You don’t get to say no to me.”

“I’m regretting that rule,” Byakuya says seriously, and Renji winces again. “I know you love them, but I love you  _ more _ than they do. I only want what’s best for you, and you know it.”

“No, I don’t know that. Because it sounds an awful lot like you’re getting mad at me for making a choice for myself.” The challenge is there, daring Byakuya to argue with him.

Of course, Byakuya rises to the bait. “How am I the villain for wanting you to be safe and happy? How can you turn that on me like it’s some terrible thing? They left because of Rukia, and she’s still here. You can’t be sure that they’re going to stay. You can’t—”

“I don’t care! I don’t need to be sure. I trust them.” Aizen laughs, but it’s a humorless sound, one that makes Renji’s gut tighten with a need to embrace him and protect him. “You don’t get to pick them for me. You don’t get to veto them. I certainly didn’t try to veto Kenpachi, and you were hitting on him in plain sight of the  _ tabloids _ —”

Byakuya groans. “It was  _ one _ mistake. Fine, yes, I made a grave mistake, too. But no one was hurt by that. Neither of us had our reputations so damaged that—”

“I was hurt by it!” Aizen sounds exasperated now. “I cried on Bazz’s shoulder while  _ you _ were recounting the story like it was some funny time we all went through. Do you know what it’s like to have people in magazines wondering if your marriage is falling apart? You know what my issues are, you’ve always known, and you went and you did this to us.”

“Just because other people speculated incorrectly, that doesn’t make it my fault. My mistake was doing it where people could see.” Byakuya’s voice is cold again, quiet this time.

Aizen sounds incredulous. “You never apologized. I told you how much it hurt me to see that shit, to have people in our office coming up to me and consoling me because of it.”

“Are you dating them because of one mistake?” Byakuya demands. “Because that’s what it’s starting to sound like. Like you’re angry with me for something that happened years ago—”

“I am using that to demonstrate the fucking principle that you’re purposefully missing so you can paint me as the bad guy.” Aizen’s voice jumps up in volume once more. “I didn’t tell you no even after you did that. I never imposed restrictions. You don’t get to—”

Byakuya cuts him off. “You think this is like that? You have no idea what you’re talking about. You can rationalize this however you want to but that doesn’t change the fact that they broke your heart and you are literally going to walk right back into their arms.”

“Because they love me.” This time, there is no hesitation. There is no doubt. “Because I saw their faces tonight when I spoke to them. Because we talked through our issues. They’re different now. You think it was one conversation? Ulquiorra’s been to therapy.”

“Good for him? It doesn’t change the fact they don’t want children and you have a daughter. Or are you forgetting that?” Byakuya goes right for the jugular once more.

“We talked about her actually. If you’d let me tell you what we talked about, you’d know that already, but you were so quick to jump in and tell me I was wrong about everything. They want to try.” When Aizen laughs again, the sound is bitter. “We could always drop her off at Orihime’s apartment since you had to be the  _ most _ petty man in the  _ world _ —”

When Byakuya interrupts again, his voice is sharp. “I don’t have to be kind or considerate to them when they’re gone now. They aren’t my boyfriends and they never will be again.”

“Good for you! I don’t care if you date them or not.” Aizen’s voice drops again. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to date them. That is my final word on this.”

Silence, then, that Byakuya breaks. “Then make the mistake, Sosuke. Let them hurt you again. But I refuse to pick up the pieces if they break you again. I can’t do it.”

“You won’t have to.” Aizen’s voice is chilly now. “I’m leaving for the night. I can’t share a bed with you right now and I refuse to be a guest in my own house.”

Before Byakuya can object, Aizen storms back into the house, and Renji leaps to his feet in time for Byakuya to walk in, his face torn, his eyes stormy with emotions Renji cannot hope to decipher. All he can do is offer his arms and Byakuya steps immediately into them, sighing as he rests his head on Renji’s shoulder. It wasn’t great to hear that Aizen was leaving the house for the night but Renji can’t help but respect his choice just the same. Whether Byakuya agrees with it or not, they have to let him make his own choices.

After all, he’d always let Byakuya do that. It was how Renji ended up with the two of them.

“I’m sorry,” Byakuya murmurs, and he sounds so tired. “I said so many vicious and awful things to him. I’ve never felt like such a failure of a husband in my life.”

Renji kisses the top of his head. “Not your fault. It’s a hard situation on both of you.”

“I just don’t want them to hurt him again and they hurt him so deep last time.” Byakuya leans back to look up at him. “Am I being unfair for just wanting him to be safe?”

Gently, Renji bumps their foreheads together. “Honestly? Yeah. You kinda are. Sosuke’s a grown man and he’s gonna make choices you don’t agree with. You agreed to let him do that when you married him. You can’t be mad at him over this. And now you’re chasing him away.”

“I can’t believe we had such a stupid fight. I can’t believe I told him all of those horrible things that I said.” Byakuya squeezes his eyes shut, presses his face hard into Renji’s shoulder. “I don’t want him to leave but I pissed him off and I know he just wants space.”

Again, Renji can only nod. “That he does. And he’s going to get it one way or another now.”

Aizen reappears at the bottom of the stairs a few minutes later, an overnight bag on his shoulder and his phone and keys in one hand. “Don’t bother calling me. I’ll come home when I think you’re ready to talk about this like a civilized adult. I want my space.”

“Of course.” Byakuya clears his throat and lifts his chin. “I’m sorry, Sosuke. But I won’t stop you if you want the space. I’ll… Work on my communication skills while you’re away.”

“Thank you.” Aizen looks at them, and Renji can see some raw, unidentified emotion in his eyes before he turns toward the door. “Have a lovely evening. Goodnight, Byakuya, Renji.”

When the door clicks shut behind him, Renji whistles. “God, that was classy. I’m shocked.”

“He’s my husband. Of course it was classy.” Byakuya slips out of his arms and sits down heavily at the table, his head resting in his hands. “I told myself everything was fine. I told Rukia that he was just visiting a sick friend when I tucked her in. I really believed that’s all it was, that Bazz just needed him for a bit. And he walks in, and… It was them.”

Renji sets his now-empty beer can on the counter and opens the refrigerator, picking up a bottle of white wine Byakuya has been chilling. “Want a drink to clear your mind?”

“That’s a bad idea, but yes.” Byakuya pillows his head on his arms. “We have never had a fight that ended with one of us walking out. I didn’t even realize he was so upset over what happened with Kenpachi. Did you know? I thought he would have told me.”

As he picks up two glasses and comes back to the table, Renji shakes his head. “No. He never said anything to me about it. What happened with that? I thought it was just a talk.”

“That’s what we tell people when they ask because it would be unprofessional to tell the truth. I had thought… Kenpachi and I used to flirt a lot. One night, I got carried away.” Byakuya squeezes his eyes shut and Renji pours them both a glass, sliding Byakuya’s across the table to him without another word. “I was going to go back to his place with him. Only the fact it was online instantly stopped me. That would have been a bad career move.”

“I didn’t realize the two of you were so close.” In truth, it shocks him a little. When Byakuya reassured him his relationship with Nozarashi was friendship, Renji believed him.

There was never any reason to not believe what Byakuya told him at face value, after all.

Byakuya sips his wine, swirling the contents of his glass around as he sighs. “Sosuke was badly shaken by it. I… I love him so much, but his self-confidence is lacking. His self-esteem can be so easily damaged. Seeing so many people doubting the validity of our marriage was hard on him. It wasn’t purposeful. I reassured him. I suppose I haven’t done enough of a job. Maybe if I had, he wouldn’t have gone back to those two.”

“He would have,” Renji says, and Byakuya frowns at him. “He loves them, and they love him. That has jack shit to do with your marriage. I get wanting to make sense of it, but it doesn’t work like that. It’s got nothing to do with how you two feel about each other.”

“Maybe. This is all hurting my head so much. I never imagined— Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have thought it’d end up just like this.” Byakuya looks at him over the rim of his glass. “Do you think he’s going to stay with them tonight at their apartment?”

_ Christ, Bya, when did you get so spiteful about those two? _ “Am I missing something here? I know you’re upset with them for hurting Sosuke and for not wanting to be parents to Rukia but like, you’re acting like they fucking shot one of us or something.”

“I just. I don’t know. I don’t know why it bothers me so much.” Byakuya scrubs a hand over his face and sighs, looking at Renji through spread fingers. “It’s not the first time. Shinji hurt him by rejecting him, too, but I never said anything when they kept having sex with each other. I don’t know why these two are bothering me so much.”

“Do you miss them? It’s okay to miss them, you know.” Renji stretches out a hand, gently brushes soft black hair back behind Byakuya’s ear, smiling when Byakuya nuzzles his hand.

Byakuya looks at him, pale grey eyes soft with uncertainty. “I don’t,” he says, and Renji believes him because he doubts anyone would have such a reaction to something like this. “I don’t know what it is about them that sets me off the way it does.”

“You should figure it out. Doesn’t do you or Sosuke any favors if you play this off as being protective of him if it’s got nothing to do with him,” Renji tells him.

Truth be told, a part of him is worried about Aizen, too. Going back to the same men who had such a devastating effect on him when they walked away means he does open himself up to worse pain if they turn their backs on him once more, but Renji has no right to tell him not to do it. He has even less of a right than Byakuya does given  _ he’s _ the interloper on their marriage, and boy does he feel it right now. Every part of this conversation between him and Byakuya feels like he’s stepping over the invisible lines in their relationship.

Maybe Byakuya and Aizen never set up proper rules, but Renji followed his own just the same; he was never supposed to come between them. The moment he thought he was, he agreed with himself that walking away was for the best. They fought hard for their happiness and he did not want to cost them that no matter what it cost him.

“Is it wrong to admit it’s upsetting to me that he might be going back to them right now?” Byakuya asks. “I pretty much gave him no other choice, but…”

Renji heaves a sigh. “I dunno, Bya. I wish I had an answer for you. I think jealousy is natural, but I thought the jealousy thing was something you two talked about.”

“We did. We’ve talked about it so much. I can’t believe I’m the one feeling threatened when I’ve never once doubted his love for me.” Byakuya finishes his glass of wine and Renji stares at him, wide-eyed. Had he just heard his boyfriend correctly?

“Threatened?” he ventures, and he notices the moment Byakuya’s entire body tenses. “You really think they’d— That’s not fair. They’d never do that to either of us.”

Byakuya presses his fingers to his lips. “That slipped out.” He stands, taking his glass to the sink and setting it down carefully, fingers cautious on the delicate stem. “And yet it feels that way, doesn’t it? He was drawn to them again. I just… I’m worried about what that means. I’m worried about him falling in love with men who don’t want our  _ daughter. _ ”

“Then it’s a you problem, not a him problem.” Renji stands and joins him at the sink, wrapping an arm around his waist from behind, laying a gentle kiss on the side of his neck and breathing him in, catching the hints of night air in his hair. “It’s your jealousy, right? Your issues. Not anything he’s done. And as long as Grimm and Ulqui are nice to Rukia if or when they encounter her, then I don’t really care if they never wanted to be her fathers.”

“How can it not bother you?” Byakuya tilts his head, looking up at Renji the best he can with the awkwardness of the angle, and his eyes are glittering with anger again.

_ Ah, so it’s really Rukia after all, then? _ That made sense. She was precious to Byakuya even before Hisana passed away, and having her in their lives only endeared her to him further. And yet… “‘Cause they don’t want kids right now? ‘Cause she’s got three awesome dads? She’s not lacking. She’s not deprived of love and affection. I don’t know why you’d want them in her life in any pivotal way if they aren’t ready to have kids.”

He gets it. He does. Byakuya wants what is best for Rukia, but there would be no reason for Grimmjow and Ulquiorra to have extended contact with her if they never came over to the house. When else would they see her? What were the odds of that?

“It just… I’m being stupid about this.” Byakuya presses back into his embrace. “I’m being childish. You’re right. There’s nothing wrong with them not wanting children and there’s no real reason for them to be around her. I bet they’d never come to the house anyway.”

“Probably not considering both of us are here, too.” And he can’t really imagine either man wanting to see them though he misses being able to pal around with Grimmjow.

_ Maybe we can work on that after I talk to them and get my own closure on all of this. _

Byakuya nods, presses his forehead against Renji’s neck. “I owe Sosuke an apology. I said so many terrible things because I wasn’t ready to process this and handle it like an adult. I should never have made the conversation so hard that he chose to leave.”

“He’s… Yeah. That’s rough. He should still be here. It’s his home, too.” Renji kisses the top of Byakuya’s head; he’s never been able to stand seeing Byakuya sad. “But hey, let him have his space for now. When he’s ready to talk to you, he’ll let you know. Space might be good for both of you. When was the last time you two had any real space between you?”

“College,” Byakuya answers automatically, and Renji winces. “I mean, when he was dating them at first, before it was all of us, he’d stay with them, but never for very long.”

_ I’m surprised you two haven’t managed to smother each other to death by now. _ “Then let him be. I’m sure he did go to them. You’re right. Which means he’s taken care of. They’ll keep him feeling good until he’s ready to sit down and talk to you again.”

“That’s true. I at least don’t have to worry about that.” Byakuya presses a kiss to Renji’s jaw. “Are you upset with me? I know you listened in on the conversation.”

Busted. “I was worried. I’ve never heard you two fight like that. I was worried that… I don’t know. I didn’t know what to expect, so I was just worried about it.”

“It’s fine.” Byakuya kisses the corner of his mouth. “I understand that feeling. Are you upset with me? I’ll understand if you are, if you don’t want to lie next to me tonight.”

In a sense, Renji is upset. He wishes this could have ended with anything other than Aizen walking out on them like this, wishes the two of them could have talked about this like grown, married men instead of lashing out at each other, opening up old wounds in the process. The last time Renji actually tried to date someone before Byakuya, there were a lot of fights. A lot of walking out. When someone walks away, you have every reason in the world to believe they might not walk back. It was always a possibility.

Even knowing that Aizen will definitely come back does not truly soothe him, but being upset with Byakuya… It’s not his fight. It’s not his argument. “I already said my piece about this. I’ve got no reason to be mad at you, not really. You ready for bed?”

“I suppose. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to bed without him.” Byakuya laughs dryly, and Renji frowns at the sound, nosing his temple gently. “I’m going to go check up on Rukia before coming to bed, but you can go on up before me if you want to.”

Since Renji at night is about as quiet as a fucking elephant in a stampede, he chooses to go to their bedroom ahead of Byakuya so he can get changed for bed. It’s true; Aizen has been in bed with them since the breakup because there was never anywhere else for him to wander off to. He’d stayed at their apartment before, and Renji appreciated those nights because he liked having alone time with Byakuya, but the tension in the room does not go unnoticed. Without Aizen here, everything feels a little more hollow.

In the process of changing, he picks up his phone and stares at it. Debates, and opens his text messages. Just because he hasn’t spoken to them in months, that doesn’t mean he no longer has their numbers. It is far too simple to pull up Grimmjow’s name.

Byakuya upset Ulquiorra today; it’s only fair that Renji doesn’t message him.  _ Is he with you? _ A simple question, nothing trying to pry into their privacy this evening.

He just needs to know. It’s always possible Aizen went to a hotel instead.

There is no immediate answer and Renji wonders if Grimmjow deleted his number as he finishes changing his clothing, tossing the dirty ones in the laundry basket in the corner of the room and taking his phone over to the charger. Just when he’s certain that he won’t get an answer and will have to fall asleep wondering, his phone vibrates.

Grimmjow’s name is on the screen. Renji quickly unlocks the phone to read the message.

Only a single word.  _ Yes. _

That’s good enough for him. He locks the phone and plugs the charger in for the night.

Byakuya comes to join him just when Renji has sat down on the bed, plugging his own phone in and going through the motions of changing. There is a strange quiet in the room without the soft nighttime chatter Renji is used to between Aizen and Byakuya, but he doesn’t say so out loud. Instead, he holds out his arms when Byakuya turns to look at him.

It’s just a night or two, and Aizen will be home. He has to come home eventually.

But for now, Byakuya is warm in Renji’s arms, hair sliding across his arms as he leans up to give Renji a goodnight kiss. This, Renji knows. This is a routine he could walk with his eyes closed and his breath held, with so many of his senses missing there is nothing but darkness around him. Holding Byakuya, kissing him, their bodies settling into the shape of one another— This is instinct. This is something Renji knows as well as he knows anything else. It’s the one thing he can be sure of, the one certainty in life.

Tonight, he’ll bank everything on it and hope they come out of this unscathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh :c


	16. quiet domesticity

When a knock comes on their apartment door an hour later, Ulquiorra looks up from his sketchbook and frowns. “It’s even later. Who could possibly be here this time?”

“Maybe it’s your neighbors,” Bazz says. “You think they need something from you guys?”

“Could be. Better answer.” Grimmjow shifts on the couch, groaning audibly when he pulls himself up off of Bazz, stretching his arms over his head. The bottom of his t-shirt rides up a little, exposing the lower part of his stomach to the light.

Ulquiorra bites down meaningfully on the end of his pencil. The eraser gives under his teeth and he lets up so he doesn’t end up with a mouth full of fragmenting rubber.

He doesn’t think any of them are expecting Aizen Sosuke to all but throw himself into Grimmjow’s open arms as soon as the door is open, pressed up against the front of his body and clinging to him like a lifeline. The sight of him alone has Ulquiorra sitting up in his chair in shock but he takes in the details quickly; Aizen’s disheveled appearance, his tousled hair, the overnight bag hanging from his shoulder. They just planned to see him this weekend and here he is once more, impossibly. Just when Ulquiorra wondered if he’d imagined it all.

“Sosuke?” He stands slowly, setting his sketchbook on the arm of the chair. “What are—”

Grimmjow holds up a hand and Ulquiorra bites his lip. “In a minute. Let’s sit down, okay?”

Instead of arguing with him, Ulquiorra rounds the couch to take Aizen’s bag, sitting it down beside the chair while Grimmjow sets him down on the couch between him and Bazz. Because it reminds him so much of their conversation earlier tonight, Ulquiorra sits down on Bazz’s lap, smiling at the muscular arm that winds around his waist to keep him steady as he stretches out a hand to touch Aizen’s cheek. The skin there is damp, gleaming softly in the light from the television. Has he been crying again?

“I’m sorry.” Aizen shakes his head, mops at his face with the sleeve of his shirt. “I should have called. I rushed out of the house so quickly I didn’t even think about it.”

“Did something happen with Byakuya?” Ulquiorra asks, and Aizen nods, a bittersweet little laugh leaving his throat.  _ Oh, Sosuke. _ “You need somewhere to stay tonight?”

“I should have asked,” Aizen says again, the embarrassment clear in his voice.

Grimmjow meets Ulquiorra’s eyes over Aizen’s shoulder, the question there clear. And Ulquiorra nods, cupping Aizen’s cheek. “Of course you can stay here. And it’s fine. Neither of us are angry with you. You had a bad fight with your husband, that’s all.”

Bazz rests a hand on Aizen’s shoulder. “Yeah, babe. We all got you right now, y’know?”

“It was so stupid. I don’t know why we had to fight about it at all. It was stupid of me to think he’d just respect my choice and let it go.” Aizen shakes his head and Ulquiorra is already moving forward to kiss him, to nuzzle the harsh words away from his lips. To give him something soft and gentle to staunch the pain at least for tonight.

He won’t say it, but he isn’t surprised that Byakuya’s reaction was so poor that Aizen ended up here once more. Of course, he wishes it hadn’t been, but just the same…

“You’re not stupid.” Grimmjow wraps his fingers up in Aizen’s hair, lifts it to kiss the side of his neck. “It’s a shitty situation and I don’t think that you’re wrong for wishing he’d been able to just handle this. It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

Aizen sniffles and Ulquiorra kisses him again for lack of anything to do, anything to say. There is nothing he can say to make this easier on Aizen, but he can offer physical reassurance and affection and the silent promise that he will do anything he can to help him while he has the chance to. And from the way Aizen leans into him, lips moving slowly against his, this is exactly what he needs right now, what he wants. Being spurned by one lover only to come to two more, desperate to be treated with tenderness.

“You know you can stay with us any time you need to.” Ulquiorra gently drags his teeth over Aizen’s lower lip, smiling when Aizen shivers and leans into him.

“Thank you. I still wish I’d called to make sure you were fine with it.” Aizen swipes at his eyes again and Ulquiorra takes his hands so he can kiss the tears away instead. “Such a romantic. I’d almost forgotten that. You’re fine with me staying? I don’t imagine your bed can comfortably hold so many people, and I refuse to chase Bazz out.”

“Couldn’t get rid of me if you wanted to. We’ll make it work.” Bazz pats Ulquiorra on the hip. “Why don’t we get him something to eat? We left dinner real late anyway and I guarantee he’s not had time to eat if he came here straight from work.”

Aizen shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. I’m not sure I could eat anyway.”

“It’s better for you if you do, baby. Eat nothing now and you’ll feel like shit in the morning more than you already do.” Grimmjow kisses his neck again, pressing his lips into the skin until Aizen settles back against his chest. “Quiorra, you want to order something or—”

“I’ll cook. I’ll make something that’s going to settle his stomach so he can actually eat it.” Ulquiorra stands, grasps the hand still on his hip. “Bazz, come help me?”

“You got it.” Bazz bounces up off of the couch, resting his chin on top of Ulquiorra’s head. “I’m happy to help. Can’t really cook for shit but I’ll do what I can to help you.”

Ulquiorra gives Grimmjow a meaningful look. “Take care of him, okay? Make sure he’s calm or he’s going to throw up whatever I make him, and I don’t think any of us really want that. Sosuke, I’ll make something good for you. Just let Grimmjow take care of you.”

“You’re an angel.” Aizen smiles up at him, lets Grimmjow pull him in closer.

That solved, Ulquiorra leads Bazz to the kitchen and flips on stove eyes to make sure they are going to be hot when he needs them, opening up the refrigerator. Truth be told, he had every intention of just ordering pizza or something but with Aizen here, he wants to make him something to eat. Some grilled fish, some vegetables, some rice… It should be good for him, help his stomach settle and let him enjoy something warm and homecooked while he’s here with them. How long is he going to be here? They should have asked—

No. They should absolutely not ask that. Ulquiorra has no desire to make Aizen feel as though he is in any way unwanted here. He can stay as long as he needs to.

“Can’t say I’m surprised the ice princess chased him off,” Bazz says, laying out the ingredients as Ulquiorra hands them to him, neat and organized on the counter. “Ooh, salmon. So, how are you really feeling about all of this? You good with it?”

“I want him to know he can always come to us if he needs us. Besides, if Byakuya is going to act like this…” Ulquiorra shakes his head. It wouldn’t do to be uncharitable out loud.

Bazz winks at him. “Yeah, I get what you mean. You happy to have him back? I gotta say, I wasn’t expecting it, but I kinda pushed Grimmjow to deal with it.”

“I’m glad you did. We really did miss him. You know, you’re a lot better of a man than I think you give yourself credit for. We’re lucky you’re ours, too.” And finally Ulquiorra allows himself a smile, and Bazz grins at him like he’s just been given an especially excellent present. “Now, help me make dinner for all of us. I think we can all fit on the bed, but we’re going to find a way to make it work for him.”

“You can always lie on top of me. You’re on the small side anyway. Sosuke’s not much bigger.” Bazz kisses him on the forehead, a breath of a promise against his skin.

While Bazz might not be able to cook, he can measure out ingredients and chop vegetables and cut up fish just as Ulquiorra asks him to, so everything works out well just the same. There is something oddly domestic about this task and Ulquiorra never thought that when they spent that first night together, Bazz would end up in his kitchen helping him cook dinner for his former ex and once again current boyfriend. He never would have guessed that when they first met even if he’d thought Bazz was attractive on that first meeting.

None of his life has gone as he expected it to go. He’s still not sure how to deal with that but at the very least, it feels like they might be on the right track this time.

Bazz hums while he helps and Ulquiorra smiles as he listens to the rhythm, not recognizing it as one of Nozarashi’s songs and wondering if it might have been something he works on in his spare time. “That a new single you’re going to drop as a solo work?”

“Huh? Oh. I didn’t even realize I was humming it.” Bazz gives his head a shake and passes the rice to Ulquiorra to be added to boiling water on the stove. “It’s something Cang-Du and I were working on before I left Sternritter. God, that was years ago.”

“Your old German band?” Though Ulquiorra knows very little about most bands, he knew about Sternritter. Grimmjow told him everything he knew after the threesome.

Sternritter was currently an international sensation in a time when foreign bands were becoming popular once more, cropping up not long after Nozarashi had made their debut in Japan. They were a German band whose first album featured the drum work of a man who no longer stood with them; the album was recorded when Bazz walked away and came to Japan instead, and Sternritter had to delay their debut in order to replace him, locating someone who could match Bazz’s level of skill for live performances.

Publicly, Bazz had creative differences with Sternritter, wished them well, and went to stay with a friend in Japan to get some perspective on what would come next for him. Privately, though, there had always been rumors about the fact that while Bazz had been close with guitarist Jugram Haschwalth, the two were rarely seen together after.

Bazz nods, returning to the cutting board to finish with the vegetables. “Yeah. My old German band. Cang-Du and I had some wild idea for some future songs. But none of ‘em have ever shown up on the albums they’ve put out. Respectable dude.”

“I don’t know all that much about the individual members,” Ulquiorra admits. “I’ve never listened to them. But Grimm knows a bit about them as far as it concerns you.”

“I’m not surprised. He’s a babe. He’s one of the only fans I’ve ever felt comfortable having sex with given the fact he treats me like a person, not an idealized fantasy.” Bazz pops a piece of celery into his mouth and chews it thoughtfully, a fond smile on his face.

Ulquiorra hums. “So, you ever gonna tell me what really happened with that old band? I at least saw one of your old interviews. You talked about how much you’d wanted it to work.”

“Yeah. I really did. But Haschwalth… Made it hard. You’ve seen the lead singer, yeah? Big handsome bastard, isn’t he?” Bazz sets the cutting board of vegetables where Ulquiorra can reach them. “Juha Bach. Got a hell of a voice on him. He was our secret weapon.”

“How so? That unique?” Ulquiorra supposes that makes sense; the vocalist is the first person that anyone notices in a band unless they’re predisposed to noticing instruments.

Bazz nods, moving to the sink to wash his hands. “Yeah. Lobbied hard to get him to join. He sang every now and then at this bar we all drank at and fuck, we wanted him. Haschwalth finally got him to agree to a jam session and our chemistry was off the charts. Their chemistry… More so. I guess I didn’t realize that at the time. He and I fought all the fucking time though. Eventually it got bad enough that I decided to walk away.”

He’s quiet, and Ulquiorra wonders if he’s maybe gone too far. “You don’t have to say any—”

“Nah, it feels good to talk about it.” Bazz dries his hands and turns to face him, leaning back against the counter. “We had sex with each other a lot, me and Haschwalth. I was in love with him like an idiot. He didn’t return my feelings. That’s fine. I don’t think he knew what he wanted until our first big tour together. Then he knew for sure.”

“Bach?” Ulquiorra guesses, frowning when Bazz laughs and nods. “I’m sorry, Bazz.”

“Don’t gotta be. I’m dumb to have not figured it out faster, so no big deal. I’m glad they’re happy together because first and foremost, Haschwalth was a friend.” Bazz glances toward the living room and Ulquiorra turns to look after he checks the fish and rice, unsurprised to find Grimmjow and Aizen with their heads bent close together, murmuring to one another. Aizen is smiling, so it’s well worth it. “If Bach makes him half as happy as Sosuke looks right now, it’s fine. Just… Damn, that hurt so bad.”

Ulquiorra doesn’t have to imagine it; he’s been in a similar situation before and definitely knows what Bazz is talking about. “At least you have us now, right?”

“Oh yeah. Way better trade-up in my opinion.” Bazz catches him by the chin and kisses him on the mouth, and Ulquiorra smiles against his kiss. “Now let’s get dinner plated up.”

The table is big enough for four people once Ulquiorra clears his art supplies off of it and out of the one chair he usually stashes it in when he’s busy and doesn’t want to store them properly. After they clear it off and set plates out for everyone and set the food on the table, Ulquiorra is feeling better about all of this. And when Grimmjow sweeps into the kitchen with Aizen tucked up under his arm, it almost feels like home.

“You hungry?” Ulquiorra asks, cupping his face so he can kiss him. “I hope it tastes good.”

“As I recall, your cooking is excellent. But thank you for it nevertheless, and I’m sure it’ll be wonderful. Now that I smell it, I am hungry.” Aizen nudges their noses together and Ulquiorra grins, and he’s so absurdly happy to have him here again.

Grimmjow pulls out Aizen’s chair for him like a true gentleman and then snaps his fingers. “Hey, I got a story over dinner if you wanna hear it. Starrk’s got a boyfriend.”

“What?” Bazz almost drops his glass. “You’re shitting me. He’s got a  _ boyfriend? _ ”

“I would not have seen that coming even if I had witnessed them kissing in front of me,” Aizen muses, sitting down at the table, smiling when Grimmjow kisses his temple.

In the back of his mind, Ulquiorra remembers that Byakuya had always seemed like a doting husband to Aizen and so does his best to approximate it as well, wanting him to feel cared for. “What do you want to drink, darling? I’ll get it for you.”

“Beer. Maybe I shouldn’t be drinking, but.” Aizen shrugs, and Ulquiorra kisses the doubt out of him before going to the refrigerator. Four, then. They could use them.

“So, this boyfriend. I know him. Oh, shit, Quiorra, this smells amazing.” Grimmjow beams up at him and Ulquiorra smiles as he brings drinks back to the table, Bazz kicking his chair out for him with a grin. “Anyway, yeah, this guy. He’s Granz’s little brother. I know him ‘cause he was the first guy I kissed at a drunken frat party. Now that I think about it, I don’t even think I know what he was doing there because he wasn’t in a fraternity.”

Ulquiorra shakes his head as they all move to serve themselves. “Unbelievable. I suppose six degrees of separation is a real phenomenon after all. It explains everything.”

“Six degrees of separation?” Bazz wings up an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s a fascinating theory that everyone is only six or so social connections away. Population density being what it is as well as modern connectivity means that anyone can be connected through five or so acquaintances.” Aizen shrugs a shoulder, cutting a piece of fish and popping it into his mouth, moaning suddenly enough that Ulquiorra drops his own fork.

Grimmjow winks at him. “Guess that means it’s good, huh? But yeah, it’s a cool theory. It’s like, you’re connected to people you don’t even know ‘cause the whole “friend of a friend” thing. Like I got a connection to Starrk through Szayel. Weird. I haven’t seen him in ages.”

“That’s an interesting thought.” Aizen is quiet, nudging the fish with his fork before he looks toward Ulquiorra. “In which case I should apologize to you. In our attempt to find a suitable babysitter for Rukia, we settled on your ex-girlfriend.”

“Orihime? Oh.” Ulquiorra nods and wonders which one of them had interviewed her for the position. He wonders if it was Byakuya. “I suppose I would have found out before long. She and her boyfriend live next door to us now. I suppose she’s a good choice for a babysitter.”

Aizen looks up at him. “You sure you aren’t upset with us for that choice?”

“No. We’ve been talking since she moved in.” Ulquiorra stretches out a hand, squeezes Aizen’s fingers as gently as he can. “I’m happy you found someone who’s well-suited for the position to care for your daughter. That’s really the only impression that I have.”

“Okay.” Aizen brings Ulquiorra’s hand to his lips, kisses his fingers. “Thank you.”

Bazz flashes them both a smile and then clears his throat. “So, this Szayel guy and Starrk. Did he just come out to you or something? ‘Cause it seems like a weird choice.”

“I think the pressure has been getting to him and he just wanted to tell someone he knew would take it well. Who else other than his bisexual, engaged to a man trainer?” Grimmjow shrugs a shoulder, shoves a mouthful of vegetables between his lips, and rigorously chews so he can get back to talking. “The first person I ever came out to was Szayel and I didn’t even know him. But I’d just shoved my tongue down his throat, so.”

Ulquiorra whistles low in his throat. “That’s impressive. I came out to Orihime, but we were dating and I knew she wouldn’t mind. Is Starrk going to let it go public or not?”

“I think he wants to come out publicly because he doesn’t want to keep putting Szayel through keeping it a secret.” Grimmjow shrugs, then strokes a hand down Aizen’s arm, a motion that makes him shiver a little. “I encouraged him to go ahead and come out. It’s all he can really do, y’know? Live the truth and deal with what comes after rather than lie the rest of his life and make everyone, including himself, absolutely miserable.”

“That’s a fair point,” Bazz says. “Might not be easy, but it’s easier than lying.”

There are no leftovers to store because all of the food ends up eaten, for which Ulquiorra is both proud and grateful. Grimmjow loads the dishwasher without Ulquiorra asking him and they finish their drinks before heading back to the living room to snuggle for a bit before bed. It’s still fairly early so Grimmjow puts on a movie for them to watch and this time, Ulquiorra pulls Aizen down in his lap and lets him be at the center of all the love and attention. It’s nice to hold Aizen in his arms once more anyway.

He remembers the evening when Aizen straddled one of his thighs and rode himself to orgasm and tries not to let it overheat him as he presses his nose into Aizen’s neck.

“This is nice, y’know. Domestic. Quiet. A hell of a lot nicer than my fucking giant house with only, like, my housekeeper during the day and Yumi on the odd days we use my basement studio.” Bazz mock toasts the screen and Ulquiorra smiles against Aizen’s skin. “Makes me wish I didn’t have to go on tour or whatever later this year. I like being with you three.”

“Three,” Grimmjow muses, fingers sifting through Aizen’s hair. “You including him?”

Bazz looks at him, and in the light from the screen Ulquiorra can see the raw honesty in his gaze. “Sosuke? Hell yeah I am. He’s a part of you two now. And we’re all having a good time together, right? No reason for me to pretend that I’m not enjoying myself.”

“You’re a sweet man,” Aizen muses. “I knew that, though. For as much trouble as you like to cause us when you get a chance, you’ve never been anything less than a gentleman.”

“What can I say? Momma raised me right.” Bazz grins, and Ulquiorra definitely believes it.

Aizen’s smile is kind. “Well, I am enjoying my time with you. I’m sad you couldn’t come over on Sunday, but now I suppose I understand why it wasn’t an option for you.”

“I’m gonna level with you.” Bazz catches Aizen’s hand when he lifts it to stop him from speaking, pressing a kiss to the center of his palm that makes Aizen pause. “No, I’ll tell you what’s up. I get losing Retsu was hard on everyone. It was hard on me, too. She was like a big sister to me and we always got along. Touring back then was a dream ‘cause she was like the core of us, the heart. And it’s rough not having her around anymore.”

When Aizen nods, his smile is soft and faint and almost hesitant. “Yes. It was hard having her leave the band. I think she took a piece of all of us with her when she left.”

“And I don’t mind everyone grieving that in their own way. Replacing band members isn’t easy. It set Sternritter back from any kind of real debut ‘cause they couldn’t record music videos or tour if they didn’t have a drummer.” The way Bazz just manages to mention their name makes Ulquiorra smile, so unbelievably proud of him in this moment.

“I sense a  _ but _ coming on,” Aizen murmurs, and Bazz nods, sitting up a little straighter.

When he speaks, his voice is firmer now, more direct. “But the way everyone treats Yumi is shit. He’s trying so hard. He works so hard as a vocalist and a performer. I get that he makes mistakes. We all do. It doesn’t help that the others still don’t like him.”

“You think they don’t like him?” Aizen cocks his head. “I know there’s been tension because he’s very different from the others. I mean, Isane seems to get along with him.”

“She gets along with everyone so it ain’t like you can go by her reaction. I guess I get the shit with Ikkaku, okay, Yum shouldn’t have gotten drunk and flirted with him. It’s a shitty situation for all of us to be in. But the club thing…” Bazz puffs out his chest. “I went to a sex club with Grimm and Quiorra and it didn’t hit the tabloids. So see? That’s proof.”

For a moment, Aizen is quiet. Then, he bows his head. “Then I should apologize once more to all of you for causing such a ruckus all those months ago about this very subject.”

“No need,” Bazz tells him, and Aizen looks at him, startled. “I don’t want an apology, Sosuke. I know why you got upset. It’s fine. I mean, I’m not happy about it, but it’s fine because you apologized. Anyway, Yumichika made like, what, two mistakes? And how dare he get hired after Retsu retired. Maybe we should have shut down the whole band.”

“Is that how it feels? Then I’m sorry. Maybe we should have all sat down to talk about this when it became a problem.” Aizen stretches his hand out, threading his fingers in Bazz’s mohawk, the strands loose without any gel present in it.

Bazz nods, tilts his head toward Aizen’s touch. “Probably. We’re gonna do dinner this weekend as a group and try to talk through our issues. If it don’t work… I don’t know.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” And Aizen leans in and kisses him on the forehead, and Ulquiorra feels something in his stomach dart at the sight of that.

_ You have no right to hope for something like that. Things don’t work out like that. _

After the movie is over, the four of them head upstairs to the bedroom. Bazz brought clothes with him to stay over the weekend and Ulquiorra made sure to wash them today so the low-hanging pajama pants he wears to bed are clean for him. The dark violet silk is dramatic with even darker pinstripes and Ulquiorra maybe gave him a look for them when he first put them on, showing off just how much of this Adonis belt was visible.

He’s obviously peacocking this evening, making exaggerated noises and gestures as he wiggles out of his jeans and pulls his shirt over his head. There’s so much muscle through his shoulders and back alone and Ulquiorra shakes his head at Bazz even as his eyes track all the movements of those muscles, skimming off his own clothes for his pajamas. They aren’t really his clothes, of course; he has Grimmjow’s pajama pants and one of his tank tops, and Grimmjow gives him a stupid grin when he realizes it.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Ulquiorra says, and Grimmjow barks laughter at him. “You know I like wearing your clothes. Don’t get that self-satisfied smile.”

“You look so cute in my clothes.” Grimmjow kisses him on the nose. “I like when you wear them. Makes you look a hell of a lot smaller and cuddlier. It’s your best look.”

Ulquiorra narrows his eyes at him. “You sure you want to have sex with me ever again?”

“Over and over.” Grimmjow catches him by the chin and kisses him on the lips, murmuring his next words into the kiss. “It’s one of my favorite hobbies.”

While the rest of them are getting dressed, Aizen just stands there. Ulquiorra catches sight of this and stops, concern creeping into every spare corner of his mind. “Are you all right? Is there something… Do you need Bazz to turn away?”

“Huh?” Bazz looks toward him, and understanding blooms in his eyes. “Oh, yeah, you want me to step into the hall for a minute so you can get changed?”

“I’m… It’s fine. I’m okay.” Aizen fishes his pajamas out of his bag but still hesitates for a moment on his button-down before he finally sighs and just pulls the entire thing over his head. It puts his scars on display and Ulquiorra can see how uncomfortable he is.

_ Is it different in an intimate setting? _ But of course it is. Ulquiorra remembers how comfortable he’d been just talking about intimacy but how much different he acted during intimacy itself. There was always the concern in the back of his mind that people wouldn’t look at him the same once they saw him like this, when they saw the evidence. Bazz probably had before, but under the guise of friendship. Not… Not whatever this is.

It’s hard to say, exactly. They don’t have labels. Ulquiorra doesn’t know if they want them considered they’d discussed things in terms of him and Grimmjow dating Aizen once more, in terms of them dating Bazz.  _ Are the two of them interested in each other? _

Bazz whistles, though. “You take good care of yourself, Sosuke. You’ve got a nice body.”

“Thank you.” Aizen smiles lightly at him, stepping out of his pants. “You take excellent care of yourself as is evident by all the photoshoots, so that’s high praise coming from you.”

“What can I say? Gotta look good for the fans and for myself. You do it just for you?” Bazz looks thoughtful when Aizen nods. “That’s pretty fucking incredible. So anyway, how are we doing sleeping arrangements? Put Aizen and Quiorra in the middle? We can bookend ‘em probably, make sure everyone’s got plenty of room on the mattress.”

Grimmjow hooks an arm around Ulquiorra’s waist, pulls him back against his chest. “You care if I spoon my fiance tonight? You’ve been getting to cuddle him all evening.”

Bazz makes a face at him, then glances at Aizen. “You good with that, So? Lying next to me? I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anything if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t mind.” Aizen’s pajamas are soft-looking, slouchy pants and a cute long-sleeved top that Ulquiorra is looking forward to burrowing into. “As long as you’re respectful of me.”

“You got it. You think I’m doing anything wrong, jam your elbow into my dick and I’ll learn from it.” Bazz holds a hand out to him. “C’mere, Prince Charming, it’s time for bed.”

Ulquiorra leans back into Grimmjow, watching the two of them.  _ How long have you had that crush on him, and why didn’t you ever do anything about it? _

It’s incredibly obvious. The moment when Aizen sets his hand in Bazz’s, Bazz takes the opportunity to twirl Aizen into his arms, catching him in a dip that has Aizen laughing and covering his eyes with his hand. It’s such a cute little display that Ulquiorra’s heart races a little and he looks back and up at Grimmjow, who just nods and kisses him on the forehead. So he sees it, too. Is it going to be possible to keep these relationships separate?

Probably not. Byakuya is just going to outright kill them for this, probably.

“And here we go.” Bazz moves too fast, scoops Aizen off of his feet before he can do anything about it, and tosses him down on the mattress. “Time for bed, pretty boys.”

It takes a little effort to configure the position so it works but they make it work, Ulquiorra fitting his body back against Grimmjow’s like he has a thousand times before, legs tangling with Aizen’s. He’s been held by Bazz like that before and Aizen looks cozy with Bazz’s arms around his waist, fingers linked together over his stomach. His earlier uncertainty has faded now, his eyes soft and warm as he smiles at Ulquiorra.

“Goodnight, Sosuke.” Ulquiorra leans in to kiss him. “And welcome back home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they all deserved a nice soft evening in.


	17. working out all the kinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** feels rollercoaster
> 
> **sexual content:** the whole shebang
> 
> **note:** read the author's note at the end of this chapter for sure as it is Important moving forward.

“So, uh.” Grimmjow leans against the corner of the counter, a mug of coffee folded in his hands and looking impossibly handsome in just a t-shirt and jeans. “Quiorra, you think it’s cool if Bazz and I still go out for lunch? ‘Cause that was the original plan, but…”

He trails off and Sosuke tries not to wince at the implication from where he sits at the table, his tablet set up in front of him so he can work from the apartment. In the end, the prospect of walking into work and facing Byakuya so soon after their fight cowed him, and so he called off from work with the intention of spending the day bonding with his boyfriends instead. It feels too domestic and too perfect to be real and he finds himself thinking of  _ kintsugi _ and how lucky they are to be able to fill in the cracks at all when it seemed as though everything between the three of them was shattered.

Ulquiorra does not look up from his tablet, smart pen gliding across the surface. “You should definitely still go. This gives me a chance to be alone with Sosuke.”

“You don’t have to worry about me being here,” Sosuke says as softly as he can, turning his eyes to Grimmjow. “If the two of you want to go out, feel free. We’ll be just fine here.”

“I just don’t wanna run off in case anything happens. Like if… A call, or something.” The desperation with which Grimmjow tries not to say Byakuya’s name is obvious.

Sosuke shakes his head. “Byakuya isn’t going to call. I specifically asked him for space. Even if he does call, I’m not going to answer it. I’ll be just fine. The two of you should have fun together. You’ve clearly got plans and I don’t want to interrupt them.”

“He just. He knows the address of the apartment.” Grimmjow drags his socked foot along the tiles, his eyes on the mug in his hands. “I don’t want him showing up.”

“I won’t let him past the threshold. What’s the worst he can do from there?” Ulquiorra asks, tapping something on the screen before he goes back to drawing.

Grimmjow pulls his lips between his teeth and then sighs, exhales heavily. “He could say a lot of shit to upset you, Quiorra, and you’ve made so much progress that I don’t want to risk him coming in and saying something that might end up setting you back.”

“Fuck him.” There is no inflection shift in Ulquiorra’s voice and Sosuke tries not to choke on his own coffee at the sound. “I won’t let him get to me. Someone I don’t even care about isn’t going to change my opinion of myself now. I’ve come too far to let him fuck that up.”

“Sorry if we’re talking rough about your husband, Sosuke,” Grimmjow says softly.

Gently, Sosuke shakes his head. “It’s fine. It’s… A difficult time for all of us, I think.”

“Just let us know the moment we start to go verbally overboard,” Ulquiorra murmurs, and Sosuke smiles faintly, nodding to assure him he’s heard. “Anyway. Grimmjow. Go on your lunch date and out shopping or whatever. I’ll be here with Sosuke.”

Pale blue eyes flutter shut for a moment; Sosuke can almost see the internal debate he’s having with himself and clears his throat. “I would like some alone time with Ulquiorra.”

“Yeah. Okay. That makes sense.” Grimmjow drains his coffee cup and sets it in the sink, the soft click of ceramic against steel. “I just don’t want you to think we’re ditching you or anything because of the awkward situation. The situation is awkward, right?”

Sosuke’s smile is fond this time. “Yes, it is. But I don’t mind that so much. You must crawl before you can walk, and walk before you can run. We’re just stumbling a bit.”

“You always sound so smart. I guess it makes sense that you understand this better than we do because you’ve been doing it longer.” Grimmjow walks over to the table, doesn’t sit down. He comes to stand behind Sosuke’s chair, an arm around his shoulders, nuzzling into the top of his head. “I just want to spend all the time in the world with you.”

It would be  _ wrong _ to compare Grimmjow to Byakuya or Renji, but there has always been something about how unpracticed he is that melts Sosuke’s heart into a helpless puddle of sticky affection that drips against his ribs. There are a lot of platitudes on the tip of his tongue but Grimmjow’s fingers slip beneath his chin, tilting his head back so he can kiss him. The angle is terrible but his lips are soft and warm and it’s the thought that counts, that Grimmjow is gentle with him in a way that’s different than the men back in high school and university who were gentle for different reasons. Who could make tenderness cruel.

“We had plans to be out ‘til evening,” Grimmjow says, like the admittance is difficult for him, shifting from foot to foot in a restless rhythm that has Sosuke smiling.

He curls his fingers around Grimmjow’s wrist, giving a small squeeze. “That’s fine.”

“Ulquiorra was going to work all day so he could get a few things done but I feel like just running out on you isn’t a good idea.” Grimmjow kisses him again and Sosuke can taste the sincerity on his lips. “We can come home earlier than that if you want?”

“You two have fun,” Sosuke insists. “I’ll have plenty of fun here with Ulquiorra.”

Though Grimmjow nods, there is the slightest hesitation in his eyes that makes Sosuke warm all over again.  _ You really care so much, don’t you, kitten? _ “Okay. I just. Okay.”

“What am I missing?” Bazz thumps into the kitchen, his hair gelled up into its usual mohawk this morning, fresh from the shower. “Oh, a show. I shouldn’t have showered up.”

“You absolutely should have. You’d reek otherwise.” Ulquiorra curls a hand beneath his jaw, his eyes glittering with humor when Bazz pouts at him, showing his lower lip out farther than could ever be sincere. “Grimm was just worried about leaving Sosuke here.”

“Oh.” Bazz’s eyes are on them, then, and something about that gaze sits heavy on Sosuke’s shoulders, and he remembers last night again. Far too easily. “Should we stay?”

“I want you both to go out and have fun. I can spend the day with Ulquiorra, which suits me just fine.” And he means that. He loves Ulquiorra, after all. Spending time with him will be good for both of them and give them a chance to reconnect with one another.

Bazz nods once, gets a hand in Grimmjow’s hair and tugs on it. “You heard the man. C’mon, loser. You two have fun today, Sosuke. You deserve it after this entire shit show.”

It takes quite a lot to pry Grimmjow off of him, who whines and pouts the entire time even as he gives Ulquiorra a goodbye kiss. Watching these two kiss Ulquiorra is nice; it makes Sosuke feel warm in that soft way he gets when he sees Renji and Byakuya being close with one another, a weird but tangible appreciation of seeing these men he cares so much about being intimate with one another. Grimmjow gives him another goodbye kiss, hand cradling his jaw, fingers sweeping over his skin, and Sosuke’s lips are still tingling with it when he sees the slightly uncertain and thoughtful expression on Bazz’s face.

Ulquiorra breaks the small, tense silence. “Well, Bazz? Aren’t you going to give him a goodbye kiss, too? I’ve not known you to be stingy with affection.”

_ Oh. _ Sosuke blinks a handful of times and glances up at Bazz. “Did you want to do that?”

“Honestly? Fuck yeah.” Bazz plants a hand on the table and Sosuke feels boxed into his chair despite the fact he could easily lean out of it, but it isn’t a claustrophobic, trapped feeling. He’s just close and warm. It’s a safe feeling. “I’ve always wanted to kiss you.”

Oh?  _ Oh. _ That comment settles somewhere inside of Sosuke’s ribs and he wonders how many more years he might have gone without knowing that. “Okay. Then you can.”

“We love communication,” Ulquiorra says, his voice completely deadpan as he watches them.

Bazz’s fingers slide into his hair, left long and loose this morning because the idea of putting it up seemed like a pain when he was already feeling so comfortable here. Now, Bazz winds the strands around his fingers, holding Sosuke’s head in place as he leans down to press a kiss to his lips. There is something slow and tentative about it but Sosuke leans into him gratefully, his own hand coming up to curl in the collar of Bazz’s v-neck for something to hold onto. His lips are soft, his kiss unassuming. How long is  _ always _ anyway?

“We’ll see you this evening.” Bazz’s eyes have this somewhat distant quality to them and Sosuke would assume that means he didn’t like the kiss except he can see the color dusted along his cheekbones, a telltale sign. “You two have fun. Don’t go too wild without us.”

Ulquiorra lifts one dark brow. “I will consider that. You two be home for dinner.”

Sosuke’s lips are still tingling with warmth when the front door closes and he feels almost guilty when he meets Ulquiorra’s eyes. “I didn’t realize he was interested in me.”

“I figured it out last night when he was being all extravagant with you. He really wanted to make sure you were happy and comfortable with him.” Ulquiorra picks up his smart pen, pokes himself in the corner of the mouth with it. “He’s never seen your bare chest?”

The question makes Sosuke feel ten kinds of weird, but not in the unpleasant weird that comes with cis men asking questions that are going to make him rip out a part of his soul to answer them. Just weird in the fact that no one ever really brought the subject matter up before and maybe, on some level, Sosuke was always careful and not ever quite able to pinpoint the reasons why he was so careful. No members of Nozarashi have seen him with a shirt off and they’ve been working with each other for  _ years. _ Long enough for them to have been around when Sosuke had his top surgery done in the first place.

He sighs, runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know why I was afraid for him to see. No, he’s never… I don’t know. I just felt like showing Nozarashi was a bad idea.”

“I was just curious. You know you don’t have to justify anything to me.” Ulquiorra stretches out a hand to take Sosuke’s in his own, linking their fingers together gently.

“Thank you.” It never feels less than stupid to thank someone for something they should have done or said or thought in the first place, but Sosuke is so used to being burned that he feels like gratitude toward anyone who deserves it is warranted. “You’re so good to me.”

The smile on Ulquiorra’s face is so soft that it makes him almost squirm in his chair. “I try to be. I wanted some alone time with you, anyway. I think I’m better with words than Grimmjow is and bless his heart, but he’s so worried about you.”

_ Oh, fuck. _ “Have I done something? I know I should have called before I showed up, but—”

“You’ve done nothing wrong. I want you to know sincerely and from the bottom of my heart that if you ever need somewhere to stay, you can just show up on our doorstep.” Ulquiorra pauses, inclining his head slightly like he’s thinking over something before he gives a little nod more to himself than to Sosuke. “I can give you a key to the apartment if you want.”

That… Is an admittedly big step and Sosuke feels his heart swell at the words. “Thank you. I would appreciate it, and you know I’d never let anyone else use it. Not a soul.”

“I know. You’re an angel. You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to us and I don’t really want to lose you again.” The boldness of the words has Sosuke flushing too hot but Ulquiorra seems jumpier than him even, bouncing up out of his seat still holding Sosuke’s hand in his. “Why don’t we take this to the living room? I want to draw you, if you don’t mind, and it’s easier for me to talk when I’m doing art in the first place.”

Sosuke allows himself to be drawn out of the chair. “Did you want to draw me naked like you do Grimmjow? I suppose you’ve probably drawn Bazz naked, too.”

“I’ve drawn  _ myself _ naked. You should have seen Grimmjow’s face when I asked him to take the pictures. The son of a bitch.” Ulquiorra shakes his head while Sosuke huffs laughter, just  _ imagining _ how self-satisfied and smug Grimmjow must have been about that. “If you don’t mind, though? I’d love to draw you naked. You have a beautiful body.”

“Okay. I’m game for that.” The apartment is comfortable air conditioned but not in such a way that he thinks he might end up shivering with goosebumps by the end.

Ulquiorra exhales slowly and Sosuke thinks he might have been holding a breath before those bright viridian eyes are on him once more. “Then can I undress you myself?”

_ This _ is what he would have been holding his breath for; Sosuke nods and swallows a little as he perches on the arm of the couch. “Of course. I don’t mind that at all.”

Though he brought clothes to wear to the job he didn’t go to this morning, he also brought clothing to just wear around the apartment— And of course he could have lounged in a hotel room like this as well if the three of them had not been game for letting him stay over. Just the same, the layers are soft and slouchy and remind him of what he used to wear in university all the time in a very desperate attempt to keep his binder hidden at all times. Byakuya used to tell him he looked cuddly just like that.

Seeing the way Ulquiorra dresses all the time makes him feel less odd about those days.

“Thank you.” Ulquiorra kisses him, just a brief press of lips. Gratitude. “I’m just… Clothes first and I’ll explain better. I promise it’s nothing bad, so don’t get overly anxious.”

_ Considerate man, _ Sosuke thinks. “Thank you. And I won’t. Go ahead and undress me.”

Ulquiorra’s hands are cool against his warm skin but not unpleasantly so, slipping beneath his shirt to nudge the fabric up his chest, tugging the neck of it over his head and then drawing it down his arms to leave his chest bared. He has to stand so Ulquiorra can remove his pants and underwear and there’s a moment when Ulquiorra’s hands settle into his waist and over his hips that he pauses, his eyes going a little hazy, a little soft. He kneels down slowly and with purpose, every movement very exact, and then draws the fabric down Sosuke’s legs, helping him step out of it. When Ulquiorra looks up at him from the floor, the quality of his gaze is almost too much, too raw, too emotional. He looks like someone kneeling before the feet of their chosen deity, lips parted around a soundless sigh.

“Okay.” He kisses Sosuke on the thigh and then stands up once more, color high in his cheeks. “Let’s get you laid down on the couch and then I’ll get to work drawing.”

There is a gentleness to the way Ulquiorra poses his body and his limbs but the touch is familiar and unassuming, and Sosuke feels comfortable and relaxed under his hands. It amazes him how easy it is to fall back into the pattern of letting Ulquiorra touch him like this, of trusting him like this. They really were meant to come back together, he’s sure.

Ulquiorra retrieves a sketchbook, an obscenely large case of markers, and a small pen case. “So I wanted to start off by saying I’m sorry more properly. When you and Byakuya told us about Rukia, I should have told you I wanted time to think about it if I wasn’t ready to have the conversation, or I should have been outright honest with you about it.”

_ So this is what he wants to talk about. _ “I’ve already long since forgive you for that.”

“I know. But I’ve been in therapy like I said and I have a better grasp on what I want to say now, so I want to say it. Because you deserve that.” Ulquiorra opens to a page, opens his pen case, and takes out a mechanical pencil and a large eraser. “So first off. I should have been more honest with you. Part of me was afraid that being honest outright would mean we lost you then and there, and though I think a part of me believed it to be inevitable at the time, I wanted to hold onto you as tightly as I could.”

Sosuke tries not to squeeze his eyes shut at the words, reminding himself that he should stay still so that Ulquiorra can draw him. “I can’t blame you for something like that.”

“It’s still my fault, though. This is an explanation, not an excuse.” Ulquiorra’s eyes drift over his body, then dart back down to the sketch as his hand begins to move, the sound of lead on the paper somewhat soothing. “I also think that I shouldn’t have agreed to date Byakuya and Renji. I believe I made that choice based on the fact that I thought it might be something you wanted. Like Orihime wanted to date Uryu and Chad.”

_ Fuck. _ Sosuke swallows hard around a lump in his throat. “I apologize if I ever made you feel pressured into that situation. I’m definitely not going to push for it this time.”

“You didn’t. It wasn’t a you thing, it was very much a me thing.” Ulquiorra doesn’t look up from the paper. His movements are tight, controlled, focus. “I have trust issues.”

That much Sosuke already knew to be true. “Is that what you’ve been working on?”

“It’s not like I have trust issues where Grimmjow is concerned and I think the engagement just really reassured me more than anything else that he wasn’t going anywhere.” Ulquiorra pauses, his eyes drifting slightly. Most likely to the ring glittering softly on his finger, the beautiful symbol of their love for one another. “But you already had a husband and a boyfriend who were great and I think it made me feel weird about things, like I might lose you. But I obviously know the real reason I lost you was because I walked away.”

“And I let you,” Sosuke reminds him because he still hasn’t forgiven himself for that.

Sharp green eyes meet his own, Ulquiorra’s pale lips pressing into a thin line. He inhales slowly, exhales slowly. “And you should have. That was the right choice to make at the time. I don’t fault you for that because I was the one on the way out.”

“Right. Okay. But…” Sosuke wets his lips. “What made you change your mind?”   


Ulquiorra turns back to his sketchbook. “I’m getting to that. Anyway, I planned on having a permanent life with Grimmjow, and I was comfortable with that idea. The thought of a child before we were ready for one was scary to me. She symbolized, as I said, a lot of the issues that came up with Orihime. She wanted things I couldn’t give her, too.”

“I didn’t realize what ended up happening so much mirrored your past. If I’d known, I would have found a way to make things right for you.” Above all else, he believes that. He really does want Ulquiorra to be happy and healthy no matter what it takes.

Pale fingers flutter through the air, as soft as a bird’s flapping wings. “No. Absolutely not. It’s my job to figure out what makes me happy and then tell the rest of you. That’s very important. Communication is important. You don’t know what to do unless I tell you.”

“Of course.” It seems like he has been working on a lot of his prior issues, Sosuke thinks, and so that must mean he went into it with his head held high and determined to make a change. “How many sessions have you gone to? It seems like they’re working.”

“I’m taking a break while my therapist is on vacation but I was going twice a month. He said he’s never seen someone so tenacious about figuring things out.” Ulquiorra shrugs a shoulder but Sosuke thinks that describes the man in front of him very well these days.

His smile is soft, fond. Achingly so, it feels like. “I’m glad to see you getting better.”

“He’s also the one who told me that like… Look. I can’t be a father to Rukia because I’m just not ready, but I can be kind to her. You can bring her over to visit and I’ll play with her or babysit her, whatever you need. I really won’t mind.” Ulquiorra presses the end of his pencil against the corner of his mouth and looks at Sosuke meaningfully, as if silently asking him to understand. “But I’m not ready to be her father. A cool uncle, now…”

Sosuke chuckles softly and nods. “We can work that out, I’m sure.”

Ulquiorra tosses his pencil down and opens his case of markers. “I’m glad. I want you in my life, though. I know that much. We kept coming back to that. That I regretted leaving and not finding a middle ground because it meant losing you, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“You cried. So did I. We both did.” Sosuke doesn’t like to remember that day, the sharp pangs of anguish that nearly crippled him all day long. “I don’t want that to happen again.”

“I don’t, either. So I’ve been working on things. Orihime’s… She lives next door. We’re friends now.” Ulquiorra selects a marker and uncaps it, his nose wrinkling slightly before the tip of it touches the paper. It must smell bad. “She has the one boyfriend now. Ichigo. I had a very uncharitable thought in the very beginning about how I didn’t understand how she could have just the one boyfriend now because of what split us up, but I think I get it. I just don’t think I was the right person for her, and that’s okay.”

Sosuke’s heart hurts for him in more ways than one. “I’m sorry. That must have been hard on you to realize. I don’t think anyone likes coming to that conclusion about things.”

Ulquiorra’s head bobs in a nod, an automatic little gesture as he stares down at the paper. “Yeah. Tsukishima— my therapist, that’s his name— said that polyamory was fine but he’s seen people come into his office that don’t understand it’s not a fix-all for everything.”

“Is that so?” Sosuke agrees with the notion, of course, but he’s curious to see what someone with a medical degree might have come to conclude about it. Especially if he’s been guiding patients with problems relating to it.

“You have to want to be in a relationship with multiple people and want to put in the extra work that might take to make it happen. More communication and more conversation and more intimacy, and a lot of people don’t realize that.” Ulquiorra picks up another marker, though he’s still holding the first one between his fingers, the tip pointing up toward the ceiling to keep it from dragging on the paper. “You can’t just use it as a solution to not getting enough from your current relationship like… How did he put it? You can’t use people as supplements to a relationship that’s already not working out for you.”

That is startling good advice. “I like that. Tsukishima seems like he has his head on his shoulders about things. I was worried he’d have told you outright it was a toxic ideology.”

“The first thing he said was that he approves of them when I said it,” Ulquiorra says.

“That’s good for you. To have that support.” Sosuke watches his hands move, watches his brows furrow and his nose scrunch and thinks about how unbearably sweet it is when he focuses like this. “And that relationship with Orihime, she was looking for supplements?”

Ulquiorra is slower to nod this time. “I feel bad about that because we sat down and talked it out one day. I wasn’t giving her what she really needed. Our communication was off. You know we’d been together since high school, right? I think I told you that.”

“High school sweethearts,” Sosuke tells him, and Ulquiorra nods. “I remember that.”

“Right. But that was when we were kids. We grew into different people. I needed different things and so did she, but we didn’t know how to convey that.” Ulquiorra picks up another marker, sets the first one down. “I guess that happens sometimes. Tsukishima says that people usually do a lot of their growing up and maturing in university. Sometimes, it takes longer. By the time I met Grimmjow, I was a more fully formed version of myself.”

Sosuke understands this part far too well; who he’d been in high school and university is nothing like who he is now. “Maybe I should get a therapist and work on some of my issues.”

Ulquiorra nibbles at the end of his marker, then flinches away from it, narrowing his eyes at the cap before he looks at Sosuke. “What happened with you and Byakuya last night?”

“He’s not happy I’m dating you. I told you that. He threw some things in my face. He accused me…” Sosuke hesitates, then sighs and tells himself that he should be able to mention this to someone. Bazz already knows, so what’s the worst that could happen? “I… I lied to you about the bar incident between Byakuya and Kenpachi. They were flirting with each other. The media shitstorm was unbelievable and people in the office were asking me if our marriage was on the rocks. If Byakuya was cheating on me.”

“Holy shit.” Ulquiorra looks gut-punched, his mouth falling open just a little.

Thinking about it at all has a way of getting under Sosuke’s skin. “I don’t know why it upset me so much. Maybe I was just fragile. Maybe… I don’t know. Part of me always wonders why it’s so easy for him in a way that it’s not easy for me. I don’t have his confidence.”

“You are two different people,” Ulquiorra says, and it shouldn’t be helpful but it is. Something so simple is just the truth. “Do you mean because he, like, has Renji and was flirting with Zaraki and you were just kind of unattached when we first met?”

That is  _ exactly _ what Sosuke is saying, and he thinks that having this conversation with Ulquiorra is good for him because he just  _ gets _ it in his own way. “Yes. It’s stupid. I don’t know. It’s not like I couldn’t have had more. I just didn’t have it at the time.”

“I can imagine that it must have been difficult to see your husband having relationships with other men when you yourself weren’t.” Ulquiorra goes back to his markers and Sosuke thinks he’s an angel for being able to handle this conversation so well. He’s mature. The work he puts into himself is really showing. “If I’m being honest, I understand far too much. Grimmjow is very confident and easy-going. It draws people to him.”

_ Maybe we have more in common than I thought. _ “The two of you… I don’t know. There’s something about the way you always looked at me and talked to me that made me feel less insecure about myself. You were always careful of me, but not in an insulting way.”

“Remember when Grimmjow wanted to have that big long emotional talk while he was lying in your lap?” Ulquiorra asks, and Sosuke’s lips quirk up in a smile because he does remember, that and the way Grimmjow looked up at him while his tongue lapped against Sosuke so intimately, so reverently. “I felt bad for not being able to be as raw as he was with you, as blunt. But I worried sometimes, too, that we might have offended you.”

“You never did. You were good to me until the very end. You are now.”  _ You’re good  _ for _ me, too, but I don’t think you’re ever going to let yourself believe that. _

Ulquiorra switches between markers with the precision of someone who’s been using them for quite a long time, and he has a massive set. Sosuke is impressed. “I’m glad to hear that. I can at least be blunt with one thing. How do you feel about where Bazz is concerned?”

“I feel that my husband will have a heart attack if I ended up doing that.” Sosuke wants to hide behind his hands or his arm or something because admitting this next part is… Childish. “I feel like if I dated Bazz in any way, Byakuya would take it as me getting back at him for the Kenpachi incident. Even though it’s definitely not about that.”

“Definitely not,” Ulquiorra agrees. “Bazz has such a big crush on you that it’s pitiful.”

“I cried on him once about the Kenpachi thing actually.” He still remembers that night far too well, wine not sitting well in his stomach. Sitting at the kitchen table in his big, beautiful, expensive house and feeling sick with himself and worried that Byakuya might leave him, that he might not be enough for him anymore. Bazz, stumbling into the kitchen in his ripped jeans and his messy hair and his endearing expression as he banged his knee into the table leg trying to get his arms around Sosuke faster.

Ulquiorra chuckles softly. “I cried on him, too. Grimmjow hasn’t yet, I don’t think, but I’m sure he will eventually. There’s just something about him that makes it feel easy.”

There was. Some kind of easy energy about him, some kind of warmth that made settling into him easy. “I didn’t even realize that he was attracted to me like that.”

“A you thing or a him thing?” Ulquiorra asks. “I mean, it took me a minute to figure it out, but I still think I might have gotten to it before you did, and you’ve known him years.”

“It was a me thing. I told myself not to touch the band and then I  _ doubly _ told myself not to touch the band. And there’s…” Sosuke shakes his head, the words punching out of his mouth, out of his lungs. “I felt it with Grimmjow at the beginning but not anymore, but there’s something about incredibly masculine men that’s always off-putting.”

Ulquiorra doesn’t question that; Sosuke thinks it’s great that he doesn’t need to. That he knows what Sosuke means without saying it. “Okay. Well, he’s attracted to you. It’s all there. He was peacocking, he was being sweet with you. He twirled you like a prince and held you all night. I didn’t realize you two were so close until you came over last night.”

Sosuke stares up at the ceiling. “Yeah,” he says, because what else is there to say? “I’ve been an asshole to him over the years ever since Yumichika joined the band. Back in the beginning, we were close. But then he started causing trouble with Yumichika.”

“Yeah. I can understand that.” Ulquiorra bites the side of the marker casing this time, the square shape of it. “Do you want to try being with him, like with all of us?”

What a question. Sosuke can still feel the ghost of Bazz’s kiss on his lips, the fingers in his hair. “Maybe? I think so. It felt natural. And it’s not like I haven’t known him for years.”

“I just thought I’d ask because I don’t want you two being awkward with each other like you can’t just come out and say what you want from each other.” Ulquiorra is smiling now and Sosuke grins despite himself, unable to help it, having to fight to smooth his expression back into place. “You know, Ichigo is really nice. I didn’t think I’d like him. Part of me didn’t want to, if he was everything I could never have been.”

That makes Sosuke wince. “It must have been hard meeting him for the first time.”

“It was, but like, then I got to know him and I thought that it was okay because we’re two different people entirely.” Ulquiorra starts packing away all of his markers, closing the case up tight. “And I like that he makes her happy. I like that we’re friends. And it’s okay if I’m not the man who makes Orihime happy, because I made Grimmjow and Bazz happy.”

“And me,” Sosuke murmurs, and Ulquiorra looks at him with the stars in his eyes.

His smile is slower, sweeter, as he stands with his sketchbook in hand. “And you.”

When he sits down on the edge of the couch, Sosuke realizes how… Fine all of this has felt, lying here on the couch and letting Ulquiorra just openly stare at his body as he worked to capture as much of it as he could possibly do on paper. Other times, there have been sexual partners that Sosuke always stayed covered up around, and even Shinji still hasn’t seen him without underwear on to this day. Neither has Gin, for that matter. But just sitting here next to Ulquiorra— still fully clothed— feels normal.

He’s never going to get used to how naturally comfortable he feels.

The artwork is beautiful and takes Sosuke’s breath away, and he’s pretty sure he can feel the sting of tears behind his eyes as he takes in the fact that this is how Ulquiorra sees him. He’s still studying it when Ulquiorra’s lips brush against his temple, a reassuring kiss that melts like honey in his gut. He tilts his head to kiss Ulquiorra back happily.

“This is beautiful,” he says, and he means it. “You have a real talent for artwork.”

“Thank you. I’m glad to have rediscovered traditional because I really like doing it.” Ulquiorra catches him by the jaw, kisses the corner of his mouth. “I really missed kissing you. You have the softest lips I’ve ever kissed in my entire life.”

It’s such a dumb compliment but Sosuke finds himself smiling, eyes fluttering shut as Ulquiorra takes the sketchbook from his hands. “Is that so?”

“It’s… Early. We’ve just gotten back together, but.” Ulquiorra stops himself and Sosuke forces himself to keep his eyes open for this conversation because he can sense that there’s something serious about it and it’s best to just have it out now. “But I want to touch you. I want to make love to you. That’s part of the reason I was pretty happy to chase those two out. It’s never really been just the two of us before.”

Sosuke opens his mouth because certainly that  _ has _ to be wrong and then shuts it when he realizes that is the truth. “Oh. So you want it to just be the two of us, then?”

“Yeah. It’s not like I don’t want the others around ever, just I wanted to do something nice with just the two of us.” Ulquiorra looks at him through the liquid black of his lashes. “Okay? And probably up in the bedroom. Doing it on the couch just seems weird.”

“Okay.” Sosuke trusts him. That hasn’t changed. “Then let’s go upstairs and have sex.”

Walking through the apartment naked feels perhaps a touch odder but the high flush in Ulquiorra’s cheeks and the dreamy quality of his eyes certainly makes it hard to focus on anything but the way he looks at Sosuke, the way he drags his tongue over his lips, slow and pointedly so. When they reach the bedroom, he takes Sosuke by the wrist and leads him over to the bed, moving up onto it on his knees and drawing Sosuke with him.

He’s been thinking about this. Sosuke wonders how long he’s been thinking about it.

“I want to eat you out.” Ulquiorra leans over to the nightstand, picks up a black elastic band and pulls his hair back into a ponytail with quick and measured movements. There are soft wispy strands that frame his face but otherwise it’s all out of the way. “I want to make you come with my tongue and then I want you to fuck me. Is that okay?”

He’s so bold about it all, a far cry from who he’d been before. Maybe it’s the Dominance he’s no doubt been touting in the bedroom. “That’s fine. What positioning do you want?”

“Just missionary so I can look at you.” Ulquiorra brings Sosuke’s hand to his mouth, kisses his fingers. “I really missed you. Not just the sex but like… The everything. Your smile, the way your eyes get soft when you look at me, the sound of your laughter.”

That  _ hurts _ . “You keep talking like that and I’ll have to propose to you next.”

“I just want you to know that like. I’d never just see you for any one part of you.” Ulquiorra drops his hand to cradle his face in both hands, laying a pitifully soft kiss on his lips. “And I want you to know how much I’ll always love you and value you. Always.”

“Thank you.” Sosuke steals another kiss, then slips his hands under Ulquiorra’s shirt. “Off.”

While Ulquiorra undresses, Sosuke slides off of the bed and goes through his bag to get what he needs out of it. It’s not like he brought anything with the purpose of having sex while he stayed with them but more like he just has a smaller bag of toys in this overnight bag at all times because it tends to be the one he brings with him to Las Noches and keeping it prepared was always better than trying to prepare it last minute.

He sets the harness aside on the nightstand since they don’t need it yet, looking Ulquiorra’s body over as he pulls himself back up onto the bed. “You’ve gained some muscle and weight. It looks nice on you. You’ve really been taking better care of yourself.”

“Have to be to fuck Grimmjow as hard as he wants.” Ulquiorra waits for Sosuke to lay back against the pillows, then leans in to kiss the side of his neck. “Relax for me.”

That one is an easy request to fulfill, Sosuke’s body lying back against the pillows while Ulquiorra’s soft mouth works its way down his throat to his chest. There’s no lingering over his scars other than kissing over them like he does the rest of Sosuke’s chest, but he does linger on his nipples. They’re too sensitive for Sosuke’s own good and Ulquiorra figures this out pretty fast, rutting his hard cock against Sosuke’s thigh while he tugs at one of them with his teeth, an edge of pain that makes it hard faster. When he sucks, it’s with an obscene noise that rips a small startled little gasp out of Sosuke’s throat.

“Sensitive,” Ulquiorra muses. “I’m going to have to remember that for the future.”

The self-satisfied little tone of his voice makes Sosuke squirm. “Bastard.”

“I am.” Ulquiorra catches the other nipple between his teeth and Sosuke’s eyes roll back in his head, his mouth falling open on a little whine as he spreads his thighs wider.

It’s a clear invitation but Ulquiorra takes his sweet time kissing down Sosuke’s chest and stomach, lingering here and there to press long, wet, loving kisses to his flesh, nibbling here and there, sucking a pink mark onto the inside of his thigh before he finally settled between them on his stomach, hands sliding under Sosuke’s ass. There’s that unabashed look in his eyes again, the one he wore kneeling at Sosuke’s feet in the living room.

“I love you.” He says it like a prayer, like a benediction.

Sosuke runs his fingers through Ulquiorra’s ponytail, giving it a little tug. “I love you, too.”

There’s something sweet about the way Ulquiorra smiles up at him before he dips his head down, pressing a wet kiss to Sosuke’s labia, pulling his ass forward just a little more.

Grimmjow was pure and unrestrained enthusiasm kneeling between Sosuke’s legs on the living room floor, probably fucking his knees up for the chance to prove good on his word. In contrast, Ulquiorra is finesse. His kisses are slow and carefully placed, tracing along Sosuke’s slit and back up again, barely making contact with his flesh. He nuzzles against his pubic hair, looks up at him through his lashes, and he can just see the edge of a smile at the corners of Ulquiorra’s lips before he turns his attention downward again.

He is not prepared for this. Ulquiorra has not given him head before. He is  _ not _ ready.

If he wanted to, he could stop this and Ulquiorra would never question it, but he finds himself unbearably curious just before the tip of Ulquiorra’s tongue traces along the length of his slit, the very tip of it tickling his skin and not delving in lower than the surface. It’s only when he reaches Sosuke’s mound once more that he presses inward enough to lap over the hood of his clitoris, drawing a soft gasp from his throat.

Ulquiorra has  _ definitely _ been thinking about this for a while.

“You have no idea how you’re looking at me right now, do you?” Ulquiorra kisses him again, dragging his damp lower lip up Sosuke’s folds like that’s not the most teasing gesture in the world, baring the soft red of his mouth, his tongue. “It’s better than anything else.”

“You still going to be saying that when I have you underneath me?” Sosuke asks him.

Unsurprisingly, Ulquiorra smiles up at him like that’s a challenge. “Of course I am.”

Ulquiorra’s tongue slips between his labia and there’s the extra stimulation of the way it drags along the inside of them while he laps up Sosuke’s body like this. It’s  _ incredible _ because every stroke is carefully measured but intentional, the pressure keeping the oxygen tight in his lungs and his hands pressing down into his own thighs to keep them still. And Ulquiorra keeps looking at him through dark lashes, pale skin steadily flushing.

It’s hard to doubt the intentions of someone who’s looking at Sosuke with so much gratitude in his eyes that it’s hard to doubt his intentions are anything but pure.

Slender fingers trace over his labia and sift through his pubic hair, down again to hold him spread wide open and vulnerable. “Is this okay, Sosuke? Are you still comfortable?”

“Yes.” The word leaves his lips on an exhale, his legs opening wider.

“Glad to hear it.” Ulquiorra runs his tongue over his lips, wetting them, making them glisten softly as he leans in to blow a soft, cool breath across Sosuke’s flesh. “I’ve got you.”

“I know you do. I trust you.” Sosuke slides his fingers through Ulquiorra’s hair. He means it and he can see the way Ulquiorra shudders with the confession as he leans in.

The wet drag of his tongue over everything sensitive and soft at once makes Sosuke’s eyes roll back in his head, a low moan tripping over his tongue as he lifts his hips toward Ulquiorra’s mouth. His tongue rasps over the entrance to Sosuke’s vagina without quite slipping in, laves over his clit without lingering. When it does, the sensation is wicked. Ulquiorra is excellent with his tongue, teasing and nudging the hood until it finally slips back, sucking Sosuke’s clit into his mouth with a satisfied little purr of a sound.

“You taste amazing.” Ulquiorra makes direct eye contact again as he licks Sosuke’s clit, up the side of it to suck it back between his lips, obscene and hot.

Sosuke’s laugh is a soft breathy sound. “Glad you’re enjoying yourself down there.”

“You have no idea how much.” Ulquiorra gives his clit a few sudden licks and Sosuke thinks he’s far too talented at this for Sosuke’s health. “I love making you feel good.”

_ Selfless. _ Sosuke winds Ulquiorra’s hair around his fingers and urges him closer, and Ulquiorra nuzzles into him, tongue teasing the edges of his vagina before slipping inside. It’s always good when it’s like that, not enough of a stretch to be anything close to even a sting of a sensation, just wet and warm and perfect. And Ulquiorra looks up at him again while he fucks Sosuke open with his tongue, nudges up against his clit with his nose before he finally shifts the hand on Sosuke’s mound to stroke his clit directly.

There’s a rhythm there and Sosuke loses himself in it, falling back against the pillow, closing his eyes as he glories in the thrusts of Ulquiorra’s tongue, the dexterity of his fingers. They switch places, Ulquiorra lapping over his clit once more while he eases a finger inside, then two, pressing them up until Sosuke’s hips arch off of the bed. The hand on his ass moves with him, helping him stay up for as long as he’d like while Ulquiorra massages that spot mercilessly, sucking his clit so hard he sees stars.

When he comes, it shudders across his body and he moans loud and unashamed, spasming up against Ulquiorra’s mouth, around his fingers. Ulquiorra doesn’t let up as long as Sosuke moans and bucks for him, only stopping when Sosuke falls back against the mattress, trembling and twitching with everything between his legs throbbing in aftershocks.

“That’s so gratifying,” Ulquiorra tells him, leaning over to the nightstand, gathering up the harness and a bottle of lube from the top drawer. “You make the sweetest noises.”

“Do I?” Sosuke asks him, taking a moment to catch his breath while Ulquiorra examines the harness up close, runs his fingers over the dark purple of the dildo attached.

He nods. “The way you moan, it pulls up from your chest. I’ve always loved that sound.”

“I have more if you don’t like that one.” Sosuke nods at the dildo, at the way Ulquiorra wraps his fingers around it, as if testing the width of it. “In my bag, at least.”

“This one is great, actually.” Ulquiorra sets the harness down, sets to opening the lubricant and Sosuke thinks his hand might be quivering slightly. The one he used to fuck Sosuke.

After he gets his breath back, they switch places and Ulquiorra stretches out beneath him while he settles the harness on his hips and slicks his fingers with the lubricant, soft and silky against his fingers. Ulquiorra looks up at him in that way again, one arm tucked beneath his head, lips spread in a soft smile that makes Sosuke’s heart flutter stupidly as he presses a finger inside of him. It’s easier because Ulquiorra is pretty sexually active and he’s got a hell of a lot of experience in keeping his body relaxed.

“I’m so lucky,” Ulquiorra says, and Sosuke feels… Everything, all at once, and lets himself feel it, and there’s just enough happiness to keep the tears at bay. “That you’re giving me a second chance,  _ us _ a second chance. You’re so good at taking care of me.”

“You’re very good at taking care of me,” Sosuke reassures him, and Ulquiorra smiles again.

He makes a soft little breathless noise when Sosuke brushes over his prostate, a tease of a touch before he presses another finger inside of him. He’s tight and smooth inside, hot and wrapping around Sosuke’s fingers like he’s doing it on purpose, and maybe he is. The way his eyelids flutter shut, lips parted just slightly, is such a beautiful sight.

“I’m lucky, too,” Sosuke says, and he sees a ghost of a smile before Ulquiorra moans.

When he’s three fingers deep and Ulquiorra is perfectly lax beneath him, he slicks the length of his cock and slides inside on one fluid, wet thrust that has Ulquiorra’s legs immediately leaping up to curl around his waist. It’s an embrace, drawing him closer, coaxing him in. A gesture built on trust and the surety that he could be this close and it would be fine, would feel good for both of them instead of being a mistake.

Sosuke kisses Ulquiorra like he’s air he needs to breathe, tongue tracing the inside of his lips until Ulquiorra’s hands are in his hair, deepening the kiss, licking into Sosuke’s mouth so forcefully it feels like he doesn’t have the upper hand on the situation for a moment.

Briefly, he toys with the idea of what it would be like to be the one on his knees.

“That feels so good.” Ulquiorra undulates his hips against Sosuke’s, grinding against him like he’s trying to take him impossibly deeper. “Fuck me hard. As hard as you want to.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, but if you want it hard, I can do it hard.” He’s out and back in, a hiccup of a movement, one that jars Ulquiorra’s entire body, startles a gasp out of him.

His green eyes are wide and dark and he nods, hands sliding down Sosuke’s shoulders to grip them hard like he’s not afraid of bruising him, of breaking him. “Just like that.”

So Sosuke gives it to him just like that, at first just quick and short thrusts, not even halfway out before pistoning back inside of him. He’s tight and perfect and the way his spine bows as Sosuke fucks him just proves how much he wants it. He’s so, so beautiful in the expressive way that he reacts, skin showing up hot flushes that crawl along his chests, long moans and softer cries when Sosuke twists his hips a little to get a better angle, dragging over his prostate. When Ulquiorra makes those high breathy noises he likes so much, Sosuke makes the thrusts longer, almost all the way out and back in.

The push-pull is perfect. The way Ulquiorra looks up at him is glorious. There’s something about being right here above him and seeing that look in his eyes that gives Sosuke a newfound power he isn’t used to, one that settles low and heavy in his gut. And when Ulquiorra pulls him down for a kiss, he swears he can feel it all the way in his heart.

When Ulquiorra reaches for his cock, Sosuke swats his hand away. “Let me do that.”

“You’re spoiling me,” Ulquiorra says, but he doesn’t argue the point, closing his eyes, really giving into it when Sosuke finds a good pace for both his hand and his hips.

He knows how to do this. He knows how to pluck people apart at the seams.

There’s just something  _ overwhelming _ about Ulquiorra when it’s just the two of them, like he’s nothing but a compilation of very sincere emotions that he doesn’t hold inside very well, but in a much different way than Grimmjow does. With Grimmjow, he’s all energy and bright and affectionate and it’s hard to think over things very much when his hands and his mouth and his arms and  _ all of him _ is everywhere. But Ulquiorra is quieter and more direct and he chooses his words with a care that makes them sit heavy in the back of Sosuke’s head, refusing to ever really leave until he’s ready to think about them.

He can do it without words, too, is the problem. He looks up at Sosuke with a sincerity that makes his throat tight and his eyes damp and he leans down to kiss him, to chase away that edge of sadness because Ulquiorra is  _ right here _ , and he told Sosuke he loved him.

And he meant it, too. Sosuke knows he meant it. He knows Ulquiorra well enough to know.

“Your cock feels so good,” Ulquiorra murmurs against his lips, and it’s reaffirming and it makes Sosuke smile and flush warm again. “You’re getting turned on again, aren’t you?”

Sosuke laughs softly, licks a moan off of Ulquiorra’s tongue. “Can you blame me? Listen to all the pretty noises you’re making for me. How could I ever resist?”

“You gonna get off from this?” Ulquiorra’s voice is strained and rough and the fact he can think about this at  _ all _ is infuriating int he best way. “Probably not, right?”

Sighing, Sosuke shakes his head. “Don’t worry about that. Just come for me.”

“I’ll get you off again.” Ulquiorra’s smile is triumphant and then he tightens around Sosuke so suddenly that he just stops moving for fear of hurting him, hand stroking his cock as he feels it twitch and spasm and spill wet and hot over his fingers.

They kiss again for what feels like a long time and then Sosuke slips out of him, unbuckling the harness and setting it aside for the time being as he lies next to Ulquiorra. He’s almost entirely forgotten that Ulquiorra said anything until he rolls over onto his side, hand sliding up the inside of Sosuke’s thigh, fingers rubbing up against him until that high, tight pleasure explodes across his skin again. He’s muffling a half-scream against Ulquiorra’s shoulder and he can hear Ulquiorra’s soft laughter. Not  _ at _ him, but because of him.

Their shower is just big enough for two people and they wash up together and then have to change the bedding and throw it in the wash because they made a mess of it, but it’s well worth it, Sosuke thinks. It was well worth it to be close to Ulquiorra.

When Grimmjow and Bazz come home around sunset, their arms are loaded down with bags that smell suspiciously like food. “Bambi sent us home with free food!” Bazz tells them.

Ulquiorra glances up from his tablet; the sexual escapade meant he hadn’t gotten down nearly as much work as he thought he would, but when Sosuke tried to apologize, Ulquiorra shut him up with kisses and threatened not to work for the rest of the day if he felt like that. So he didn’t apologize again and Ulquiorra worked while he answered emails.

“Did you get lunch there or something? But that was hours ago,” Ulquiorra says.

Bazz shakes his head, and Sosuke can see other bags on his arms, too. “Nah, we just stopped in to say hi because we were driving past the diner and I wanted to tell the ladies the good news. Gigi’s out with a spring flu but Bambietta was happy to set us up.”

“They’re an angel,” Grimmjow says with a firm nod, and Sosuke smiles.

“That was so sweet of them.” Ulquiorra stands to help with the bags and Sosuke locks his tablet before rising to shut the door and lock it up for the night.

He already decided he was going to spend another night here and Ulquiorra reassured him it would be just fine, so he doesn’t want to make it awkward for Grimmjow and Bazz when it’s clear the two of them have been having a good day. Instead, he helps them set the bags on the table, separating what looks like shopping from food so they can all sit down to eat. It’s while he’s helping Ulquiorra set the table that Grimmjow catches him around the waist from behind, kissing the back of his neck in greeting.

“Did you have a good day?” he asks, murmuring the words right into Sosuke’s skin. “You’re glowing. I can’t get over how much you were smiling just when we walked in the door.”

“Ulquiorra and I had a little fun while you were away,” Sosuke confirms with a grin.

Grimmjow groans softly in his ear. “Too bad I wasn’t here to join in. Bet it was amazing.”

“It was. But we’ll play again together soon.” Sosuke leans back into his arms, enjoying the warmth of him, the strength of his arms, the closeness and the way Grimmjow had always held him so perfectly. “Now let’s eat. It smells utterly amazing.”

Bazz seems to hover impatiently by the counter and Sosuke knows what he’s most likely trying to figure out, stretching out a hand to him as soon as Grimmjow lets go of him. There’s a moment where Sosuke thinks that Bazz is not going to come to him, or perhaps the threat of drama with Byakuya and the rest of Nozarashi is too much— And then Bazz takes his hand and his face lights up like a kid at Christmas, and Sosuke wonders how long, really. How long is  _ always? _ How long is  _ forever? _ How many years have they know each other and Bazz has felt this way without Sosuke ever taking the time to stop and notice?

“You look really great,” Bazz tells him, and Sosuke can’t help a small smile as he looks up at him. “I’m glad to see that. I was worried when we left you here that you’d be sad all day.”

“No. Ulquiorra’s good at taking my mind off of things. We had a really good talk, which makes me think I should probably…” Sosuke stops and takes a slow, deep breath. Take it easy. Take it slow. “You’ve had feelings for me for quite some time, haven’t you?”

Bazz doesn’t bother pretending he has no idea what Sosuke is talking about, just nodding at him. “Yeah, I have. I was wondering if you’d ever figure that part out.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t figure it out sooner.” Sosuke sighs softly, tips his head back and meets Bazz’s eyes directly because he doesn’t want to leave any room for doubt. “I can’t promise that things won’t be said. There’s no way I could ever guarantee that.”

“I know. Nozarashi will talk shit I’m sure, so will Byakuya. Nothing I’m not used to at this point. You know, you don’t gotta do anything because I have feelings for you.” When Sosuke opens his mouth to argue this point, Bazz places a single finger over his lips. “Let me finish. If you don’t return my feelings, or you don’t want to explore a relationship with me, that’s okay. I won’t hold it against you. I know it’s gonna cause trouble for both of us.”

_ You really are a tender man, Bazzard Black. _ “And if I’ve decided that I want to do that?”

“Then I’ll make sure you never regret it by being the best man I can possibly be for you.” Bazz moves his finger, kisses the corner of Sosuke’s mouth. “I won’t give you a reason to regret picking me. And I’ll still be your shoulder any time something goes wrong.”

Sosuke smiles, tucks his forehead in against Bazz’s shoulder. “You were always very good at that. It was so endearing. You did so much for me without even realizing it.”

“What can I say? You’re… You.” Bazz catches him by the chin and tilts his head up, and Sosuke feels a little thrown when he realizes just how close the two of them are. He can feel Bazz’s breath curling against his lips. “You’re you, and I fell for you the minute you told me to stop fucking around with the fans before I got the whole band in trouble.”

Laughing, Sosuke leans in to kiss him, and Bazz wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him in close, rubbing his hand up and down Sosuke’s back. After all of the serious talks today with Ulquiorra and now this, Sosuke feels all kinds of calm and warm and safe, and kissing Bazz feels almost natural and reminds him that if he’d stopped being such a bastard, they’d have probably been close up until this very moment. And he thinks that it’s good of Bazz to pick Yumichika, who had no friends and no one to lean on, over everyone else so that he would have someone, that Bazz really is good at heart even if he doesn’t realize how much.

“Is it official?” Grimmjow demands when they stop kissing. “Are all four of us together?”

Bazz bumps their foreheads together. “Up to you, So. I’m not gonna box you in with any labels that you don’t choose for yourself. Told you I’d always respect them, remember?”

That makes his chest ache; he had been open with Nozarashi about being trans from the very beginning because he wanted to make sure they knew and were not surprised later on down the line, and Bazz had been the first one to respond to the announcement.  _ Well, you tell us whatever labels you use for yourself, and I’ll always respect ‘em. Identity, pronouns, everything, and I’ll knock the teeth out of anyone who doesn’t treat you right. _

“I do.” Sosuke smiles against his lips. “I don’t mind if you call me your boyfriend, Bazz.”

He watches those jade eyes flutter shut as Bazz sighs so softly. “Amazing. Fucking amazing. I can’t believe you just said that. I’ve been  _ fantasizing _ about that.”

Sosuke smacks him on the shoulder. “Come on. Let’s sit down and eat, then.”

“I’m glad,” Ulquiorra says as he sits down, folding his hands neatly together over his plate, “that things are sorted out for the four of us right now. I’m really grateful that we’ve all had these important talks with each other. Communication feels really good.”

“Sap,” Bazz says, and Ulquiorra flips him off without his expression ever changing.

Bambietta sent them quality food for free; they pass the containers around to divy up portions and Sosuke thinks that it’s been a while since things have felt so easy. At home, it’s hard not to remember  _ this, _ these two men, the relationship he had with them because while Byakuya might have been able to walk away from it, he was never able to, and it would come up at the worst moments and shatter the illusion of a perfect life he was leading. But this feels soft and genuine, and even knowing he needs to talk to Byakuya doesn’t bother him so much. He’s just glad to get the chance to have this with these three.

“I’m going to go to work in the morning,” he says, and Grimmjow looks up at him from across the table, his expression smooth and even. “I need to see him. I can’t run from him. But I want to thank the three of you. You’ve hardened my resolve significantly.”

Bazz rubs a hand up his arm gently. “Don’t mention it. And if anything goes wrong, just, you’ve got all of our personal numbers and addresses. Don’t feel like you can’t come to us.”

“You have work tomorrow, too,” Sosuke points out, and Bazz wrinkles his nose. “You need to bring the paperwork into the office now that you’ve gotten it all squared away.”

“Fucking tour. But yeah, I guess that’s true.” Bazz stabs at his steak. “You know what? That’s fine. I’m going to purposefully stop in while I’m there to say hi to you.”

“Just don’t cause trouble in the office and I won’t mind you stopping to say hi.” He trusts Bazz to be professional, and maybe having him there for even a moment will help some.

Ulquiorra twirls the loose strands of hair around his face thoughtfully. “I’ll come, too. He’ll drop off his paperwork with Byakuya and we’ll bring you lunch, okay? Grimmjow has to work with Starrk so he can’t come, but he can send you like… A nasty gym selfie or something.”

“A shower selfie,” Grimmjow says thoughtfully, yelping when  _ someone _ kicks him under the table. “Right, right, sorry! I’ll take like a nice selfie with Starrk since he’s famous.”

“Thank you all. Sincerely. You’re very sweet about all of this. I hope that Byakuya and I can have this conversation, resolve our differences, and go back to the way things were. Of course, with the three of you in my life from now on. I’m not backing down on that.” Sosuke picks up his beer, tilts it toward the center of the table. “Here’s to making it work. I’m not going to walk away no matter what happens.”

They all clink their bottles together and go back to eating, and he tells himself that things may not be perfect yet, but there’s still a chance. He’s sure that a little time away will have calmed Byakuya down, and they can speak about things logically and calmly. Maybe he’ll even see the error of his ways and agree that Sosuke should be able to make his own choices even if Byakuya doesn’t personally agree with those choices.

And if he’s mad about Bazz, well… He’s just going to have to deal with that.

“I’ve still got dinner with Nozarashi this weekend,” Bazz says, “so wish me luck. We’re going to fix all of our problems or probably Yumichika is just gonna quit the fucking band.”

Sosuke winces. “I hope you’re able to work things out together.”

“You gotta,” Grimmjow says seriously, “because he’s got the most beautiful voice in the entire world and I will fucking die of sadness if I never get to hear him sing again.”

That lightens the mood, all of them laughing as Grimmjow makes puppy eyes at Bazz, and Sosuke thinks that things are  _ so _ close to perfect. He’s willing to put in the work to make all of the pieces fall into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first order of business: i'm going to go through the old chapters and switch from calling him "aizen" to calling him "sosuke." when i first started this series back in november, i was calling him aizen in all of my fics, but now i don't do that anymore. i use his first name. so it might be jarring to read that, but i'm gonna correct all the old chapters. it might seem like a weird change but i'm just more comfortable calling him sosuke, and i'm the one doing the writing.
> 
> second order of business: when i first wrote this story, i fucking hated nnoitra. i wouldn't have spit on him if he was on fire. now, i'd do a whole hell of a lot to protect him. so i'm going to change nnoitra from being the one who hurt grimmjow in the very beginning to a character i actually hate and will not warm up to. i don't think it's that jarring of a change since he's barely mentioned after that. part of this is that i love nnoitra now and another part of it is that i want to put nnoites in here. if that's an issue, i'm not really sorry. believe me when i say it's inconvenient for me, too.
> 
> third order of business: this chapter is 11k and i'm crying at how long it is.


	18. true love doesn't have a happy ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **warnings: none**
> 
> **sexual content: none**

When Starrk walks through the door into their private training room, he is not alone.

Grimmjow can roll with the punches as they come but there is a weird little kick in his gut at the sight of the man who steps into the space behind him, his arms buoyed under the weight of Starrk’s daughter. Vaguely, Grimmjow knows about that situation. Lilynette was born when Starrk was an up-and-coming actor and plenty of variety shows and tabloids predicted his career would be horribly sidelined when his pretty boy, available image was destroyed by the fact his secret girlfriend was going to give birth. In the end, she and Starrk broke up, and his popularity as a doting single father shot up significantly.

There are pictures of the two of them everywhere because no one knows how to mind their business and stay out of private family life. As far as Grimmjow can tell, the two of them are a happy family. He’s never seen the man behind Starrk in those photographs, but he can imagine why well enough given the circumstances. How many times has Yylfordt offered to hang out with Starrk and then dragged his younger brother along with them just so Starrk could spend some time with his crush without the paparazzi suspecting?

They couldn’t even hold hands likely without someone noticing, so Grimmjow feels bad for them. He remembers feeling that way. Hell, he’d been thinking along those lines right before he kissed Szayel on the mouth back in university and told him he was bisexual.

“Hey, man, hope I’m not late.” Starrk watches him warily, as if expecting Grimmjow to snap at him. Hardly; he’s actually fifteen minutes early which means he really must have been planning this one out. “I wanted to introduce you to Szayel since you, like, actually know.”

Grimmjow shakes his head, patting Starrk on the shoulder. “You’re early. And I’d be happy to meet your boyfriend. And this is the first time I’m meeting your daughter, too.”

“It is, yeah.” Starrk looks beyond hopeful and Grimmjow doesn’t have to imagine to know how he’s feeling right now. The first time he introduced someone to a boyfriend, it was an exhilarating experience. “So, officially. This is… This is him. Szayelaporro Granz. And my daughter, Lilynette. Szayel, Lily, this is Grimmjow Jaegerjaques.”

Carefully, Szayel sets Lilynette on her feet before taking Grimmjow’s hand in his own, a critical expression on his face behind his silver-framed glasses. “Did we go to university together? You look familiar to me, but I don’t think I can place your face.”

_ Well, he’s bound to remember unless you lie. Might as well just come out with it. _ “I kissed you at a drunken frat party and told you I was bisexual. I think I cried after that.”

Szayel stops moving entirely for a moment, his eyes widening slightly, his mouth opening a touch before he shakes his head. “Well, now I remember it. I don’t even remember what I was doing there. And you did cry after that for like two hours.”

“I didn’t know you two knew each other,” Starrk says, looking between the two of them with such palpable relief that Grimmjow can feel it. “That’s… Quite a story, honestly.”

“University was a weird time for me. I wanted to kiss dudes but I felt like kissing dudes was bad at the same time.” He drank a lot, and kissed a lot of guys, and by the time he came out to Szayel he was comfortable enough to at least say it. Not without crying, though. After all, being bisexual meant a whole host of shit to come.

Szayel’s smile is small and enigmatic. “I know what you mean. When I wasn’t cramming in every single class, I kept asking myself if I was really gay or not. Turns out I was.”

“Right? Something about university being that place where you’re supposed to figure yourself out or something. I still joined a frat like an idiot but hey, I got my answer.” Not that being in a fraternity made it easier given the fact that there was plenty of machismo in those places, and that led to all sorts of toxic behavior. “So, you two…”

“We’re going to announce it at the premiere party they’re doing,” Starrk says, and Grimmjow thinks  _ shit _ because he really is going for it, huh? Doing it right where everyone is going to be staring at him and recording every single minute thing he does and says all night long. “I’m allowed to invite people. I wanted to invite you and Ulquiorra.”

_ What the fuck? _ “Hey, you don’t gotta do that. We can always support from the sidelines.”

“No, I really want the two of you to come. You’ve helped me a lot just by  _ existing, _ much less because of the conversations we’ve had with one another.” Starrk clasps Grimmjow’s hands in both of his and he looks like he means it, the kind of intention burning in his eyes that Grimmjow is used to seeing on the big screen first and foremost.  _ No wonder this man is an actor. _ “I want you to be there because you helped me come to this decision.”

“Well, Ulquiorra would probably get a kick out of a party like that. You gonna extend the invite to my two boyfriends, too?”  _ Would you shut the fuck up for once in your life, self? _

Starrk blinks at him once, twice, three times before his eyes widen. “Two boyfriends?”

“It’s been a week,” Grimmjow says by way of explanation even though it’s been three days and it isn’t like it’s a typical person’s issue to suddenly triple the amount of partners they have in three days. What can he say? He’s talented and desirable. “I have two boyfriends on top of my fiance now. Do you want pictures? I have pictures.”

Lilynette stares up at him for a long, long moment before she speaks. “I didn’t know you could have  _ three _ boyfriends. Tousan says I’m not even allowed to have one.”

“You’re still a child,” Szayel reminds her, and she pouts up at him full force, stomping one small foot up at him before crossing her arms over her chest. Full theatrics.

Starrk nods. “I’d love to see. And I can extend the invitation to all four of you, yes.”

“This is them.” Grimmjow has his phone out in seconds and wonders if people who have pets and kids can whip their phones out just as fast. Is this like, a shared trait? You have something cute to show around, so suddenly you can get your phone out in record speed.

His lock screen is currently a photograph of his three partners, a picture he insisted on this morning so he could get through his day without missing them too much— Which is  _ not _ working, who knew it would be so bad right off the bat? Ulquiorra isn’t even looking at the camera, too absorbed in his tablet on the table, picking at his breakfast instead of eating it properly like he honestly should be. Bazz sits on one side of the table, in the middle of telling a story about Nozarashi and their tour antics, and Sosuke’s eyes are crinkled up at the corners, his mouth open in a laugh. Everyone looks so perfectly at peace.

It’s a reminder that makes tension claw at his gut.  _ I hope things go well with Byakuya. _

“They’re all gorgeous,” Starrk says, and he doesn’t sound like he’s making it up. Szayel leans over his shoulder, humming softly as he nods. “Is this Bazzard Black from Nozarashi?”

Lilynette whips her head around. “Let me see, let me see! I know what he looks like!”

“You a fan?” Grimmjow asks her, hefting her delicate weight off of the ground with ease and holding her where she can see. “So am I. He’s my favorite drummer in the world.”

“They’re so cool. Their singer is so pretty. I went as him for Halloween last year because I wanted to wear his pretty feathers on my face.” Lilynette makes grabby hands for the phone and looks at the screen, her eyes narrowing before she brightens. “That’s Bazz! I want to meet him. Can I meet him sometime? Do you promise he’ll come to the premiere?”

Grimmjow smiles. It makes him think of when Byakuya and Sosuke surprised him by having Nozarashi come over to the house that once. “Yeah, I promise. He’ll come, especially to say hi to a fan. He  _ loves _ attention. He’s gonna ask you all your favorite songs.”

Szayel clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Celebrities are all the same. You say you like their work, suddenly they want to know which specific work, what parts, what dialogue, what expressions, can you give them time stamps—”

“I was not that bad,” Starrk says, but there is an edge of laughter in his voice just the same. “When I read your thesis, though, you wanted to know  _ all _ of my thoughts on—”

“It was for a grade! It was important,” Szayel insists, playfully pushing Starrk’s shoulder.

Starrk catches Szayel’s hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles, and Grimmjow feels his breath stick in his throat at the sight. “I told you, though, didn’t I? I painstakingly wrote notes on the entire copy and gave it back to you earlier than you asked me to.”

“I guess you did,” Szayel says, and he doesn’t take his hand back, and  _ wow _ at the contrast because Szayel is on the skinny side, slender and pale just with broader shoulders he really doesn’t fill out while Starrk is like, muscular and ruggedly handsome. “I mean, I couldn’t read half of them because your penmanship is illegible, so I had to call you—”

“Poor you,” Starrk quips, “having to talk to me on the phone. It must have been awful. That’s why you stayed on the line for an extra three hours talking to me.”

Lilynette hands Grimmjow back his phone, shaking her head. “They always do this.”

“They’re cute,” Grimmjow tells her, and Lilynette wrinkles her nose at him for a minute before giggling. “You really good with your dad dating another guy, then?”

Wide rose eyes meet his own. “If it makes Tousan happy, that’s all I care about. I just want him to be happy. He hasn’t been happy in a long time. Szayel-chan makes him happy.”

Grimmjow loves kids. Without question. All kids are good, pure-hearted creatures and he will fight every goddamn cynical, cruel, stupid adult on that. “You’re a good kid.”

“Well, I’m going to take Lily to get her hair cut and let the two of you do the work you need to do to get him back in shape.” Szayel looks like it takes quite a lot of effort to draw his hand out of Starrk’s grip, like he doesn’t quite want to go just yet. That being said, when he turns toward her, Lilynette immediately reaches for him, leaning out of Grimmjow’s arms. “It was lovely meeting you, Grimmjow. I want to personally thank you for helping both of us. It’ll be good not to have to hide anything anymore.”

Gently, Grimmjow smiles. “Hey, y’know, unintentional or not, I’m glad to have helped. Guess this is the universe’s way of saying I owed you after the whole coming out in college.”

“Maybe it was. Anyway, thank you again. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you at the premiere. Let’s go, Lily.” Starrk, gentleman that he is, walks Szayel to the door and opens it for him, and Grimmjow can almost  _ see _ how bad he wants to kiss him goodbye.

As soon as the door shuts, Grimmjow shoots him a look. “You haven’t kissed him yet.”

“I’m waiting until the premiere. I want to make the first kiss mean something.” Starrk raises an eyebrow at him. “I’m jealous. You’ve totally kissed him before I got a chance.”

_ Holy fuck, I have. _ “Yeah, and I’m telling you that you’re missing out. Now let’s get this workout handled so you can go and spend a lot of platonic, totally not madly in love time with him. How in the fuck have the press not managed to pick up on it yet?”

“Because Yylfordt backed me up and said in an interview that Szayel had come with him to the city for filming and he’d bonded with Lilynette, so we were all friends now.” Starrk strips out of his jacket, tossing it on the bench without much thought. “It helps if we all go out in groups but no one really thinks anything of it anymore.”

“Did you meet him through Yylfordt or somehow else?” Grimmjow asks. Sue him, he’s curious given he didn’t think Starrk would end up with someone clearly cerebral.

Starrk nods. “Through Yylfordt when we were filming  _ Los Lobos. _ He came by set to check on Yylfordt once because he’s got a terrible track record of taking care of himself. So I got into his trailer to get him for a shoot and Szayel is there talking about his thesis, and I was so stupid, I just offered to read it for him. I don’t know shit about science.”

“He’s a science major, huh?” Grimmjow never asked. They were too busy kissing for him to think much about what Szayel was doing there. “That’s fucking crazy. But I shouldn’t be surprised, he looks smart. And you two just clicked after that, I’m guess?”

“Science? Oh it’s like, some pharmaceutical biology stuff I don’t even fully understand, but it’s really amazing, the work he’s doing.” Starrk’s voice goes so soft when he talks about Szayel, and Grimmjow wonders if he realizes that or not.

He grins and sets his phone on the bench after double-checking to make sure the ringer is on in case he gets a call. “That’s great, dude. Let’s do some amazing work of our own now.”

Kicking Starrk’s ass in workouts is pretty much necessary to make sure he gets in shape and then retains that, so Grimmjow feels not at all bad when the guy is basically cussing him out. By the end of their session together, though, he heads to the showers with a satisfied smile on his face, so Grimmjow has done what he needs to do for the day. It feels weird to not have that many clients these days, having to move some around to make room for Starrk’s very important training, and he’ll be happy when he gets his clientele back. Not a single one of them has said they don’t want him back.

After he himself showers and gets a selfie with Starrk to send to Sosuke, he finds Nel downstairs post-workout and sitting with Tesla Lindocruz, who offered to take her when Grimmjow came to him. Making sure all of his regulars got put with someone who could handle them was important to him, and he’s glad everything is working out so far.

“Hey, Grimm.” Nel wiggles her fingers at him tiredly. “You look like you’re doing well.”

“Just got off working with Starrk and that was pretty great.” He can’t share the details right now, of course, but hey, it was still a good time. “How’re things, Nel?”

“Tesla’s kicking my ass but I can’t say I’m not appreciating it.” Nel flexes and Grimmjow whistles at the visible muscle definition in her arms. She wasn’t kidding when she said she came here to get those arms toned and fit. “This is the first time I’ve seen you in a bit so I’m sorry to make it awkward, but Renji really wanted to talk to you.”

Grimmjow winces. “Is this about Sosuke? Because I really don’t think I should have to—”

“What about Sosuke?” Nel’s brows shoot up. “Renji just wanted to get some closure on what happened as far as I know. He’s got some feelings about things, still. Did something happen with Sosuke? Please tell me you didn’t fight. I want to be friends with—”

Tesla cuts her off, his one good eye fixed on Grimmjow. “It wasn’t a fight, was it?”

“No.” Fuck Tesla, seriously, Grimmjow hates him sometimes. “How do you just do that, anyway? You just look at people and magically ascertain that something’s up.”

The corner of Tesla’s mouth quirks up in a smile. “It’s a gift. I deserved something after losing the eye. Let me see your phone lockscreen because I bet he’s on it now.”

“Fuck you.” Grimmjow does, anyway, tossing it to Tesla, ignoring the knowing smile on Tesla’s face when he presses the Home button and the lockscreen appears with three beautiful men on it. “Yeah, okay, things happened. We’re back together again.”

Nel’s mouth drops open. “Since when? Renji and I didn’t even talk that long ago—”

“Since Monday night.” Talking about this feels weird when it comes to someone who knew the situation better, but what is Grimmjow supposed to do? Lie? He isn’t ashamed of the fact he’s dating Sosuke. He could never be ashamed of that beautiful, compassionate man. “Bazz was staying with us over the weekend. He hit sub drop after a scene with us.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Nel winces; Grimmjow bet she knows exactly what that feels like.

“Yeah, so, he was with us. He had to miss a work meeting because of it, and Byakuya called his cell phone trying to find him. And Ulquiorra answered.” Which must have taken some serious balls of steel, all things considered, because there’s something about Byakuya that always has Ulquiorra a little bit on edge. Bazz too, for that matter. “So Sosuke came to the house to check on him and then we ended up having this really long talk about things.”

Nel nods slowly. “I guess I should have seen it coming. He really loved you two a lot.”

“Yeah. Well, does love us. Still. He does love us, still.” Grimmjow feels like such a fucking idiot right now, and it’s made no better by the way Nel smiles fondly at the phone screen when Tesla shows it to her before handing it back to Grimmjow. “We love him, too. Fuck, when you said Renji wanted to talk, I thought he had beef with that choice, too.”

“Too,” Tesla muses. “I’m guessing that would refer to the lovely Byakuya, wouldn’t it?”

Grimmjow nods. “Yeah. He, uh. They got into a fight about it and Sosuke stayed with us for the night. They should just be talking about it today or something, I think.”

“This royally sucks because Renji was already having weird feelings about the breakup and now there’s a not breakup going on at the same time,” Nel muses, and Grimmjow doesn’t know what to say to her because he isn’t going to apologize to her for how he feels about Sosuke and how he’s pretty sure he’d knock a motherfucker out to keep Sosuke in his life on a more permanent basis. “But you two should still talk. You three, with Ulquiorra. He just wants to move on from it all, I don’t think he still wants to date you or anything.”

“Probably for the best. I’m not really interested in dating him anymore either,” Grimmjow says, and he means it. Renji was a fun guy, but Grimmjow knows plenty of fun people. It was easy in the moment, but that moment has long since passed them by.

Nel nods. “Don’t blame you. So you’ll talk to him, though? Get closure on the whole thing?”

“Yeah. I think we can do that considering we probably just fucked up his life for a bit since we’re dating Sosuke again.” It would have meant Renji was there when they fought, when Sosuke walked out of the house, for whatever aftermath there was. “Look, let’s stop talking about me. What about you two? What’s going on in the way of your love lives?”

Immediately, Nel groans and thunks her head back against the wall she’s been sitting against. “Fuck you for asking me that. Things are weird. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with a woman who had three girlfriends. I mean she didn’t when I got involved—”

“Oh?” Grimmjow drops onto the floor with them. He and Nel had talked about Halibel at length when she’d been his client. “Did something happen between you… Five?”

“Yeah. Or like something’s  _ not _ happening. We do the group sex thing sometimes but I’m starting to think I am in so far over my head it’s not even funny. I thought I’d get used to it like Shu and Zuru and Kai all did, but I’m so not.” Nel looks lost, and Grimmjow pats her on the knee sympathetically. He knows just how much that feeling can suck.

Tesla rests his hand on her shoulder. “Like I told you, if you no longer benefit from the relationship, you can leave it. Halibel would never hold such a thing against you.”

“I know, but it feels like admitting I lost or something and I don’t want to just give up without trying, but it also feels like I tried and failed.” Nel shrugs, draws one knee up to her chest and Grimmjow can visibly see her leg muscles. Holy  _ shit _ has she been working hard. He’s never been so impressed. “I like the girls but like, we don’t really click?”

Grimmjow shrugs a shoulder at her. “You gotta do what you gotta do. Don’t force it or you’re going to end up in a relationship you don’t want to be in, and when they figure it out, everyone’s going to be unhappy. Just do what feels natural to you.”

“You’re probably right. When did  _ you _ get good at giving relationship advice?” Nel demands.

In answer, Grimmjow flashes his engagement ring. “I’m  _ winning, _ asshole.”

“I’m done. Okay, Tesla.” Nel kicks Tesla in the thigh and he pouts at her. “Tell Grimmjow about your love life. You kept saying you wanted to catch him up on it anyway.”

Tesla rubs his leg, scowling at her, and then the sweetest smile crosses his face as he tilts his head back, and Grimmjow thinks, okay, sometimes Tesla looks like an angel. He has vaguely the nicest, kindest face Grimmjow has ever seen in his life, and his hair is sandy instead of the traditional gold, but he really does look it when he’s serene and at peace. “I met an angel,” he says, and Grimmjow thinks  _ fuck, spot on. _ “They are the light of my life.”

“They are the meanest goddamn person I have ever met in mine,” Nel quips.

“No,” Tesla protests, brows furrowing, “they just seem that way sometimes. I mean, they’re seven feet tall and you  _ stared _ at them weird, Nel, they got freaked I think.”

Nel rolls her eyes. “Whatever. They’re mean. But they are very tall and I agree that that is pretty sexy, all things considered. You couldn’t reach them on your tiptoes.”

“ _ Seven  _ feet tall?” Grimmjow has to have misheard that, but Tesla only smiles and nods, sitting up straight. “Oh and you’re saying they. Is that what pronoun they prefer?”

“Yeah. They’re non-binary and they are a fucking angel, I swear. The most beautiful person I’ve ever met in my entire life. Hold on.” Tesla whips his phone out and holds it out, and sure enough, he’s rocking the significant other on the lockscreen, too. “This is them. I met them at a bar and I was just… I couldn’t not say hello to them. Like I saw them and instantly all the anxiety I had about being there was gone in seconds.”

Grimmjow takes the phone to get a better look and feels his eyebrows disappear into his hairline; there’s just so  _ much _ of them, long limbs and a longer body and even long hair, rich and black and dark and spilling over their shoulders. The picture is of them with Tesla, arms wound around Tesla’s shoulders, pulling a face at the camera, but not enough of one for Grimmjow to not be able to make out their sharp features. They certainly have an interesting face, but what catches his attention really is the way their cheek is pressed right up against Tesla’s, completely fine with being smushed so close to him.

Tesla, in contrast, looks like he’d just won the lottery. It’s a sweet picture. “They’re quite a looker. What’s their name? And what bar did you even meet them at?”

“Their name is Nnoitra Gilga, and it was that, like, gay bar downtown? You know the one, we went once.” Tesla smiles stupidly at his phone screen before sliding it back into his pocket. “God, I was so fucking… Affected? I’ve never felt that way about a person before.”

Grimmjow’s smile crawls up his face before he can help it. “I know what you mean. When I first saw Ulquiorra, I was like, it doesn’t matter if he spits on me. I have to talk to him.”

“Right? So I went up to talk to them and I think it freaked them out a little because, like, you know.” Tesla shrugs a shoulder, and Grimmjow just nods because he can imagine. “But I just kept trying to make conversation and I think they eventually got the picture that I was really interested in them. We spent the whole night talking.”

Nel’s smile is soft and sweet. “You get so dopey when you talk about them. It’s so cute.”

Tesla sticks his tongue out at her and Nel just laughs. “So then I asked them for their phone number and texted them mine and we agreed to meet up for coffee a few days later and just like, they looked so  _ gorgeous _ when they walked in. I was in love right then and there. Suddenly all my old shitty relationships made sense. It was even good they all caved in because that meant I got to meet Nnoitra and maybe have a chance with them.”

“Oh my God.” Grimmjow doesn’t even know what to say. He’s happy for Tesla and fuck, it’s so sweet to hear him talking like this considering Grimmjow has known him through two of those shitty relationships. “Are we ever going to get to meet them in person?”

“If you want to? We could do a double date. Which is kinda like a triple date based on numbers alone for you.” Tesla rubs a hand along his jaw, then shrugs. “We can make it happen. I’ll talk to them about it. I’d like them to meet all my friends because I want them to be a part of my life forever. I’ve already decided that for sure.”

Nel ruffles his hair. “Then I hope they start part of your life. It seems like you two get along well enough. I remember when they called you right after our session.”

“Yeah.” Tesla smiles, and it’s a small and secret little smile. “We’ll do dinner or something? Dinner and drinks. Just like, you’re gonna be surprised at how tall they are. Everyone always is. They think they know what seven feet looks like and then whoo boy.”

“I can imagine.” Grimmjow really can’t. “I’ll promise not to stare, though, I imagine they might feel like I’m judging them or something and I really don’t want to do that.”

Tesla makes a circle with his thumb and forefinger. “You’re a gem. I know you’d never say or do anything about their identity ‘cause you’ve got a trans boyfriend and you’re not a dipshit about things, but still it’s good to be cautious. I think it bothers them sometimes ‘cause they’re already tall and kinda loud, so people stare at them naturally.”

“That’s awful. Well, I’ll pass on the pronouns and the no staring rule at home so we can make them feel as comfortable as possible.” After all, the least he can do is make sure Tesla has everything he can get in terms of keeping them around if that’s what he wants.

“Thanks, man. Really. I want everyone to get along ‘cause if I play my cards right, they’ll be around for the long haul.” Tesla checks his phone, then bounces up. “Well, I gotta get cleaned up and ready for another client. See you soon, guys. Thanks for the talk.”

He walks away with an extra bounce in his step and Grimmjow looks at Nel. “So, mean?”

“Nnoitra is so mean, but it’s kind of a charming mean. I mean, they’re an asshole but they own it. I think you’ll like them. I do.” Nel groans as she pushes herself to her feet, yanking the elastic band out of her ponytail. “Fuck, working out kicks my ass. So, Sosuke?”

“Sosuke,” Grimmjow agrees. “You gonna stick around with Hal and her girls?”

Nel lifts a hand, teeters it back and forth. “I’m gonna think about it. If I do do the breakup thing, though, give me some tips. ‘Cause I’ve not had to do it before. The last relationship I had ended amicably on both sides. We just realized we weren’t into it anymore and went our separate ways. It’s so totally not like that this time.”

“Noted.” Grimmjow wonders how much he’s allowed to ask about her band at this point, if they qualify as friends or if the Renji thing makes stuff weird. It hadn’t been before he started working with Starrk, but time… “How’s the rest of the band doing?”

“Kira’s doing great as always because his relationship is perfect. Kaien’s fine as far as I know because he’s got it made with two hot older dudes to fuck.” Nel wraps the elastic band around her wrist and picks up her duffel bag, tossing it over her shoulder. “Shu’s doing better. I don’t know what Sosuke said when he came to see Shinji, but Shuhei says that Shinji’s been different with them. Warmer, open, more affectionate.”

“That’s good, right? That’s what they want.” It had been there in Kensei’s eyes. Grimmjow remembers that. He’d wanted to fix more than Shinji’s immediate distress.

Nel nods and flashes him a grin. “That’s what they want. What about you? Are you happy with the choices you’ve made even if they land you in a hellhole of trouble?”

“I’m willing to put up with whatever comes next as long as it means I get Sosuke and Bazz out of the deal. Quiorra’s already a guarantee.” And there’s no real denying that Ulquiorra would be happier with both of them, too, that they’re intrinsic to their happiness now.

There was a bloody, gaping hole without Sosuke in the picture, after all.

“Then I’m glad.” Unexpectedly, Nel hugs him, throwing her arms around his shoulders and squeezing tight. “I dunno, it’s scary I guess, thinking about this potential breakup. But I keep looking at the rest of you who have gone through rough things and gotten through it and are happier, and I think maybe it’s going to be okay. That sometimes it can be shitty but if you get through it, you can be happier in the end.”

Gently, Grimmjow strokes a hand down her back, careful not to pull at her sweaty hair. “Yeah. It’s going ot be okay for you, Nel, I promise. Maybe not at first, but it will be.”

“Yeah. Thank you. You’re a babe, and I’m glad you’ve got three hot dudes who are in love with you because you deserve it.” Nel leans back, pats him on the cheek. “Now, I have to go shower. Thanks for the talk, though. It was super good for me.”

Grimmjow bids her goodbye and continues on his way out of the gym, pausing at the side of his car to check his phone when he sees he has missed text messages on it. One of them is from Sosuke, nothing more than a string of heart emojis in answer to his selfie with Starrk. Another is from Ulquiorra, telling him he hopes he has a good day. And the last is from Bazz. He’s not thinking anything really about it when he opens the message but finds himself stopping as he reads the words staring up at him from the screen.

_ I am going to fucking kill Kuchiki Byakuya if it’s the last thing I ever do. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops at that cliffhanger~
> 
> i'm introducing nnoitra into the main story soonish, also i made them non-binary and they use they/them pronouns exclusively so please be mindful in comments. i'm gonna replace them at the beginning of the story with mayuri probably because i really hate that guy.


	19. because true love never ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** it's mean again
> 
>  **sexual content:** none

There have been the odd, playful arguments over the years about which member of Nozarashi cares about the band the most; Bazz has been in more than his fair share of them once the alcohol was flowing and he could truly, properly appreciate how much of a home Nozarashi had become to him. Once, he would have done absolutely nothing in this world to jeopardize his position as a member of the band and felt guilty every time Sosuke needed to discuss a PR issue with him, another mistake he committed and would have to right in order to make sure nothing happened to the image of the band.

Dully, Bazz wonders when it stopped being such a major concern to him.

He leans against the corner of the elevator, slapping the sheaf of sloppily-signed papers against his thigh as he waits for the metal box to take them to the right floor. Leaning against the opposite wall is Ulquiorra, eyes closed, head tilted back against the wall, neatly packed lunch in both hands. He looks far more peaceful than Bazz feels at the moment.

Have Sosuke and Byakuya had time to talk to one another this morning? Bazz would have asked before coming in so he would be aware of what mood Byakuya happens to be in and what he has to deal with as a result. Asking, however, is intrusive. Bazz would never want to cross the line and interfere with their marriage in any shape or form.

Ulquiorra opens his eyes, long black lashes fluttering. “Are you nervous, too?”

Bazz snaps the papers against his leg for the seventh time as the elevator comes to a halt. “Nah, why would I be nervous? I just hate this guy a whole lot right now.”

“I know how you feel, but I don’t want to cause any trouble between him and Sosuke. More than we already have, that is.” Ulquiorra pushes himself off of the wall and Bazz is there to meet him, sliding an arm around his shoulders to direct him into the lobby. “Are we making a mistake by doing this? They seemed so happy before we interfered…”

“Trust me when I say we are exactly what Sosuke needs in his life.” After all, Ulquiorra only knows part of the story, and it isn’t Bazz’s place to tell him all the details.

Ulquiorra smiles faintly, pale lips quirking up at the corners. “I’ll trust you. You’ve known him a lot longer than I have. And he seemed happy at the apartment, too.”

“You should trust me on this. Believe me when I say I definitely know what I’m talking about. Besides, I’m not gonna back down just ‘cause Byakuya can’t eat what he likes to dish out.” Bazz squeezes Ulquiorra’s shoulder, leading him up to the desk so they can sign in.

Behind the counter, Hinamori Momo smiles brightly up at him. “Hi, Bazz! Didn’t expect to see you today. I heard you’ve been feeling under the weather. Are you doing better?”

“Much better,” Bazz reassures her, knowing he damn well is not about to corrupt her and tell her where he was instead of here at the meeting. “You’re looking lovely today. Byakuya in his office? I just gotta drop off some paperwork he needs from me.”

“He should be in his office. He’s just been handling paperwork all morning, so I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to get more.” Hinamori beams at him, and Bazz chuckles softly.

“Who’s this?” Her eyes drift up toward Ulquiorra as he leans down to sign in as well, following Bazz’s cue to sign his name, the date, and the time. It makes him think of what it takes to get into the downstairs of Las Noches. “I haven’t met you before, have I?”

Ulquiorra tucks a strand of hair behind his ear and smiles down at her. “My name is Ulquiorra Cifer, and I’m dating Aizen Sosuke. You might see me here in the future, then. I’ve just come today to have lunch with him. I thought he could use a homemade meal.”

“Oh!” Hinamori looks startled and Bazz bites back a smile, wondering how long it might take to get around the office that Sosuke has a pretty little boyfriend like Ulquiorra bringing him lunch at work. “That’s so lovely of you to do. He works so hard. You know, public relations is a lot more difficult than people think it is. The tabloids are awful.”

Bazz’s smile softens. “Yeah, they are. Well, we’ll be seeing you, Momo. Have a nice day.”

The offices that Byakuya and Sosuke occupy are part of the same hallway and Bazz winces when he sees Byakuya’s door standing open, a clear invitation for anyone to come in and talk to him should they need to. Usually, he keeps it shut and you have to knock; it also means the likelihood of Ulquiorra walking past without being noticed is very low. So be it; if Byakuya wants to make something of it, he has to go through Bazz to do it. While he definitely will not get involved in the relationship between Sosuke and Byakuya, he has every right to run defense the minute Byakuya tries to come anywhere near Ulquiorra.

_ Last thing I need is you making him lose confidence in himself, too. _

“Go on to Sosuke’s office. It has his last name on the door.” Bazz kisses Ulquiorra on the temple, nudging him on ahead as they approach Byakuya’s door. “I can handle this.”

Ulquiorra hesitates, his voice pitched sweetly low. “Are you sure you can handle it? I know you haven’t been overly fond of him as of late. I don’t want you two to fight.”

It should be easy for Bazz to reassure Ulquiorra he can be professional when it counts, but the reassurance dies empty on his tongue and he sighs softly instead. “I can take care of it without getting into a fight with him. I’ll come straight to you without causing issue.”

“Thank you.” Ulquiorra leans up, kisses him on the jaw. “I know you can do it.”

Once Ulquiorra nears the doorway, Bazz wedges himself between Ulquiorra and the frame, letting his shoulders fill out the doorway as he brandishes the papers in the air. “You called for these, I believe? Figured I’d drop ‘em off right in your hands.”

“Bazz?” Byakuya glances up from his laptop, and Bazz does not miss the dark circles under his eyes despite how impeccable his appearance is otherwise. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“You shoulda been. Didn’t I tell you I’d bring the paperwork by?” He can hardly remember the proper conversation they had on the phone and doesn’t really care so much about the details now. “Tour shit. Did you want me to drop it off with you, or not?”

Byakuya nods and shifts his laptop aside. “Yes, please. I need to look over it before you go. I assume you have no desire to stand around and exchange pleasantries.”

“Of course not.” Bazz doesn’t even bother to sit down, setting the papers down on the desk where Byakuya can reach them. “Was nice of you to send Sosuke by to check on me.”

The name drop makes Byakuya wince slightly. “Ah, yes, of course. I didn’t send him. He came of his own volition to check on you. I suppose it was fortuitous considering the relating circumstances as they stand. Did Yumichika tell you anything while he was there?”

“Nah. We didn’t talk much. I was wiped.” Bazz rubs his hands on his jeans, trying to ignore the clammy nature of his palms. “All I know right now is we’re all gonna sit down as a band and try to get shit sorted out so there’s not so much fighting anymore.”

“That would be good for all of you, I believe. It was tense when Nozarashi came to talk over these details in person. I must say I’m relieved to know that things are going to be smooth with all of you soon.” Byakuya checks each piece of paper carefully as he arranges them in a stack at his elbow. “Are you feeling better now? Have you fully recovered?”

Bazz could dig so easily. “Yeah, I’m all good. Couldn’t be better. Didn’t expect it to be that intense was all, but Grimm and Quiorra got me through it without a problem.”

He sees Byakuya’s eyebrow twitch but only keeps his expression in the same neutral, slightly friendly smile he uses when he needs to be polite. What harm is there in talking about his two boyfriends, after all? Byakuya should at least be used to the fact that Bazz is with the two of them considering he’s certain Byakuya must have suspected it for months now. It was all over his social media and never hidden from the public eye.

“That’s good to hear.” Byakuya glances up at him, and Bazz cannot read the expression in his stormcloud eyes. “Well, I won’t keep you any longer. Thank you for bringing this in as soon as you could. I’ll contact you if I find anything else I need you to do.”

The wording is interesting but Bazz lets it go, excusing himself from the room and making a beeline down the hallway to where Sosuke’s door is now cracked open just slightly. He nudges it open and then closes it behind him, beaming when Sosuke looks up at him from behind his desk, a dubious expression on his face as Ulquiorra finishes setting lunch out on the desk for the three of them. Bazz had been able to help just a little, at least, even if it was pure preparation and nothing else. It isn’t like he can cook, after all.

Ulquiorra glances back at him, raising an eyebrow. “And how did that go down?”

“It went fine. No harsh words or anything exchanged.” Bazz rounds the desk, arm slipping around Sosuke’s shoulders as he kisses him on the cheek. “And how are you this fine day?”

The gesture earns him the appropriate response, Sosuke giggling softly as he ducks his head. “Stop that. I’m doing fine. I hope the two of you have had a good day today.”

“ _ Stop that, _ he says. As if I could ever.” Bazz slips a finger under his chin, tilts his head so he can kiss the corner of Sosuke’s soft lips. “I’m glad to hear this place hasn’t been grinding you down, though. Nothing fell apart while you took the day off?”

“No. We have other PR agents in the company. My work just got shifted around as necessary until it was fully covered.” Sosuke tilts his head back to look at him and Bazz kisses him properly, unable to resist the urge with Sosuke this close to him.

He feels like a pitiful idiot, stealing these little moments of affection considering how long he has wanted to be able to do just this. Just the same, it strokes his ego when Sosuke sighs and leans into his kiss, fingers curling against the back of his neck to keep him close while Bazz deepens the kiss just a touch. He definitely does not miss the soft hiss against his lips when Sosuke moves a certain way and leans back, touching his shoulder.

“Sore?” he asks, humming when Sosuke nods up at him. “I’ll massage it. Make it feel good.”

“Thank you. You’re an angel.” Sosuke sits up properly and Bazz presses his hand into the shape of Sosuke’s shoulder, feeling the way it moves beneath his hand before pressing.

It reminds him of a bittersweet memory of doing this very thing for Bach back in the day, arguing over his head with Haschwalth about a new set piece coming up while Cang Du stared at all of them like they were idiots, head pillowed on his arms. As was not there that day, and though Bazz feels like he ought to be able to remember if he tries hard enough, the memory itself is worth letting slip through his fingers. This is a vast improvement, anyway, watching Sosuke carefully pick up his food to eat it.

“You think Grimm’s having a good day at work?” Bazz asks thoughtfully.

Sosuke nods immediately. “Yes, I think so. He must have finished up with Starrk not long ago because he sent me a picture of the two of them together. It was very sweet.”

“Can I see?” Bazz leans over his chair, watching Sosuke pick up his phone and pull up the image, his heart constricting in his chest when he sees Grimmjow’s smile. “God, he’s beautiful. Oh you sent him little hearts back, you giant sap. I would’ve done the same.”

“I hope the two of them had a good session with one another. I imagine they must have for him to be smiling like that.” Sosuke shrugs, and Ulquiorra smiles softly and nods.

Before Bazz can ask Sosuke how his shoulder feels, a soft knock prefaces the door swinging open, Byakuya stepping in a moment later with Renji at his back. “Sosuke, I thought I’d let you know that Renji decided to drop in— Oh. Excuse me, Ulquiorra— Bazz?”

“That’s me.” Bazz is well aware that his hands are still on Sosuke’s body, that the two of them are far closer physically than Byakuya is used to seeing them. “We’re, uh, kinda eating together right now if you don’t mind? Ren, you can wait a bit to see him, can’t you?”

Byakuya’s jaw twitches slightly and he sighs, stepping into the room. “Renji. Inside.”

“I don’t know,” Renji says softly, lingering just half in the hallway as he surveys the room. The tension seems to grow thicker by the second. “I don’t really want any part of this, I’m gonna just… Step out. You two obviously have a lot to talk about.”

“Perhaps it’s the three of us that should be talking.” Byakuya’s eyes meet Bazz’s without hesitation and Bazz feels his spine straighten in answer, a clear and silent challenge as he stares the other man down.  _ What are you going to do about what you see? _

Bazz should say something along the lines of this isn’t his conversation to be having, and if Sosuke and Byakuya need to speak to one another, they should do so in private. But he remembers Sosuke hurrying into the apartment, disheveled and upset and crying, and no part of him can bring himself to move from his spot. Instead, his eyes drift down to where Ulquiorra sits, his spine rigid and his hands folded in his lap, eyes downcast. There is so much tension wound in his slender shoulders that it makes Bazz feel physically ill, so he does the one thing he knows he can do in a situation like this one.

“Quiorra,” he says, waiting for Ulquiorra to look up at him, “you should wait outside.”

“I’m inclined to agree with you. I don’t think I need to be a part of this.” Ulquiorra stands and turns so that he faces Byakuya, and Bazz can see the way his head tilts, chin lifting. “Byakuya. Excuse me. I’m going to be waiting out in the hallway.”

“I’m waiting with him.” Renji holds his ground when Byakuya turns to look at him. “I get what’s going on. But it’s not something I’m part of. You wanna ask them what’s going on, feel free. But I’m not gonna be a part of that. I’ll wait in the hall with Ulquiorra.”

Byakuya nods once, his voice even and tempered. “As you wish, Renji.”

The door closes behind the two of them and Bazz feels anxiety claw at his throat as he moves to stand with his stomach pressed against the back of Sosuke’s chair, his hands resting gently on Sosuke’s shoulders. When Byakuya sits down in the chair Ulquiorra previously occupied, Bazz feels unnecessarily annoyed about it; there is another chair after all, and he almost feels like this is a challenge in and of itself. Like Byakuya is trying to push back in his own quiet way, displeased as he is with everything.

“If this is about Kenpachi, then I don’t know what to say anymore.” Byakuya folds one leg neatly over the other and Bazz shifts from one foot to the other, prepared to fly across this fucking desk at any second. “I never slept with him, Sosuke. You know that. We had a conversation at the bar and nothing ever came of it. You know that.”

Sosuke sighs softly. “And if this isn’t about Kenpachi? You seem to be convinced I only make such decisions with you in mind. This isn’t about you, Byakuya.”

“Then what is it about? You’ve known Bazz for years and you’ve never…” Byakuya trails off and looks at Bazz once more, and the expression in his eyes says it all even before he opens his mouth. “Why are you involving yourself in this? Since when do you care about Sosuke? I won’t have you nosing into my private life and hurting my husband—”

Bazz has had fucking enough. “Seems like you’re the one who’s been hurting your husband actually considering he was crying in  _ my _ arms because you couldn’t be  _ nice _ about things.”

“You don’t need to say anything, Bazz. It’s fine.” Sosuke sits up a little straighter, but Bazz can hear the fatigue in his voice, and it breaks his heart. “Why does it matter who I date, Byakuya? You never imposed restrictions on dating before. That was why you tried to sleep with Kenpachi in the first place. There were no rules. There still aren’t any rules now.”

Byakuya’s lip curls, and he rakes a hand through his hair. He looks more stressed than Bazz has ever seen him before. “You’re doing this to spite me, and I don’t appreciate it. If you want to date Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, fine, I understand that. But this? This is just—”

“Did I come to you and demand to know why you were trying to get Kenpachi to sleep with you?” Sosuke demands, but Bazz can hear the quiver in his voice. “You always said you—”

“If you were so concerned about what that meant for our marriage and what people thought of us, why are you doing the exact same thing?” Byakuya spits out.

Bazz winces;  _ low blow. _ “You don’t have a right to speak to him like that. It’s not the same. You trying to fuck one of us and Sosuke genuinely wanting a relationship with me is different. And you did that in Las Noches, and that was where the entire scandal started.”

“No, darling,” Sosuke says, and Bazz blinks down at him, not sure what he just heard.

“The tabloids reported on it. That was all.” Byakuya’s eyes are hard as he looks at Sosuke, and Sosuke lowers his gaze to what looks like his lap, hands folded neatly there. “Sosuke’s problem had nothing to do with that. He didn’t snap at Ulquiorra because the three of you were at Las Noches together, did you, Sosuke? Have you been honest with them about it?”

_ Fuck. _ Bazz presses himself tighter to the back of the chair, lets a hand wander around to rest on Sosuke’s collarbone. “You don’t have to. I don’t give a shit about that. All I care about right now is the fact he’s talking to you like this, and you don’t deserve—”

“You don’t know,” Byakuya says, and there is the slightest edge of a snide tone in his voice that has Bazz’s hackles raising in response. “Tell him, Sosuke. Tell him why.”

Sosuke fidgets in his chair. “It wasn’t because it was at Las Noches. It was because it—”

“I already fucking know!” Bazz side-steps the chair, slams his hands down on the desk and relishes the way Byakuya’s eyes widen in shock. “You think it’s not written all over his face? He cried on my shoulder about the awful shit you did to him that night. You think it’s funny? Do you like doing this to him? Do you like making him feel this way?”

“Bazz, stop.” Sosuke’s hand is light on his shoulder, his voice low. “Please calm down.”

Byakuya stands slowly, carefully placing his own hands on the desk. “You think you can do anything about it? You know you can’t. You should have known the moment you found out why it upset him so much. Why it upset him to have them there with  _ you. _ ”

Bazz knows; Bazz would be an idiot to not know the truth behind Sosuke lashing out at Ulquiorra about Las Noches, about the night he spent with the two of them. How could he not put the pieces together? He isn’t Byakuya. He could never claim to be so ignorant about Sosuke, not in the same way Byakuya can. Maybe he reads people too well like Cang Du always told him. Surely, it helped him with Ulquiorra and the issues he faced months ago.

Now, though, Bazz is pissed. There is no time for analysis or critical thinking. “I know.” He lowers his voice, though the words are no less urgent. “I know, because he told me what it did to him when you tried to fuck  _ my _ bandmate where everyone else could see you.”

“And it isn’t my fault,” Byakuya says shortly. “He  _ agreed _ to having an open marriage.”

That much is true, but Bazz shakes his head. “No, it  _ is _ your fault. If you want an open marriage, you need to be prepared to deal with the fact you might end up making your partner feel invalidated or unloved. And you did that. You were supposed to make him feel safe, that none of those other men you were involved with would compare to him.”

There are cracks in his voice now, strain around the words because the entire situation pisses him off so much and there is so little he could do about it. It feels like something that has long been infecting him is coming to a head, bleeding out in a fever pitch of anger and vile words and a desperate desire to take Kuchiki Byakuya by the lapels of his jacket and shake him until he understands what he did. What he’s done. What he is  _ still _ doing right now, boxing Sosuke in and trying to destroy what makes him happy.

“You can’t stand it,” he says, and Byakuya raises an eyebrow at him. “You hate it because it’s me. If it was them, you could get it. Because you liked them too, once.”

This time, Byakuya openly sneers at him. “What do you think you’re talking about? I couldn’t care less if it was you or Yumichika or anyone else in Nozarashi. The point still stands that he shouldn’t have gotten upset with me, only to turn around and do the same—”

“Have you ever once in your life thought he was going to leave you?” The question drops onto the desk between them, almost heavy enough to crack the wood finish.

Byakuya presses his lips together into a thin line. “How many times do I have to tell him before he believes me? How many, Sosuke? How many years is good enough for you? How many times must I lie awake at night holding you while you sob over two men who  _ destroyed _ you only to watch you walk right back to them the moment they smile your way?”

“I’ve told you a thousand times before that it’s not just about you.” Sosuke’s distress is clear in his eyes, in his voice, in the taut set of his shoulders and the way he wrings his hands together in his lap. They shouldn’t be doing this at work. Bazz feels fucking awful for letting it escalate this far.  _ But Byakuya started it. _ “It’s also a problem of mine, and I am trying so hard to work on it. But it doesn’t help when you demean my choices—”

“Then make better ones. You shouldn’t be confident about dating these men when you fully know how easy it is for them to hurt you.” The harsh edge of Byakuya’s voice even has Bazz wincing, though he moves closer to Sosuke, wanting to shield him from it.

Sosuke shakes his head. “You don’t know them. You never did, not like I still do. You don’t want to give them a chance? That’s fine, because they didn’t ask you for one. They asked me, and I think part of you doesn’t like admitting that to yourself.”

“Of course they asked you,” Byakuya says simply. “You were the one who would say yes.”

This has gone too fucking far for Bazz’s liking. “You tried to fuck Kenpachi the same night Shinji turned him down and you  _ knew _ about that and you went and tried to do it anyway because you don’t have a goddamn shred of care for him in your entire body.”

He went there. He went there at top speed, hitting the gas straight into a dead end. There is no turning back down, the pavement behind him already eaten up.

“I asked him if he was okay.” Byakuya’s voice is terse. “And he told me he was fine—”

“Consideration isn’t a word in your vocabulary, is it?” Bazz should shut up. He should really shut up sometime in the near future before he takes this farther than he already has.

What’s the harm in taking it farther, though? If Byakuya is going to demean him, treat Sosuke like shit,  _ and _ talk badly about Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, Bazz has every right to throw back every barbed insult he’s been swallowing back the past ten years.

Everything means so little when he puts it into perspective like that.

Byakuya’s jaw tightens; Bazz can see a muscle in it twitching in protest at the taut position even as his pale grey eyes narrow, discs of steel not fitting his face at all. Too sharp to fit into the delicate bone of his orbital socket. “If he tells me what he is feeling and I believe him, that is not consideration? I went based on his word and nothing else.”

“Have you ever heard of maybe carefully considering the situation and then assessing your own version of things? He was hurt. You should have put it off even if he told you he was fine because you should have known him well enough to  _ know _ he was hurt no matter what he told you.” Bazz wants to kill him. He really wants to launch himself at Byakuya at full speed and bear him down to the ground and ask him what the fuck he thinks he’s saying right now.

People  _ lie. _ Communication is important but people  _ lie _ and people tell  _ white lies _ especially; trying to protect the feelings of another person or not ruin their fun is just natural for some people. Of course Sosuke said he was fine when Byakuya asked him; he would have kept it locked up inside of him forever if he hadn’t risked drinking at a vulnerable time, and if Bazz hadn’t walked into the kitchen and found him, no one would know to this day. That upsets him more to think about than he thought it would, actually.

Sosuke clears his throat. “This isn’t the place to be having a conversation like this. This is work, and both of you should know better than to bring such an upsetting topic up.”

“I’m sorry.” Bazz says it automatically, moving back so he can slide his arms around the chair, around Sosuke’s shoulders. “I got worked up and lost it. I just couldn’t stand here and listen to what he was saying and let it go. Not like this.”

“It’s fine.” Sosuke’s hand lights briefly on his arm, as delicate as the small feet of a butterfly. “I was in a vulnerable place facing down Shinji’s rejection in such a way, but now I understand why he did it. My feelings on the subject have not been raw in quite some time. Nevertheless, I was upset about it. The onus still falls on me to be honest about that, but it wasn’t easy in the circumstance that I was in.”

“You should have told me,” Byakuya presses, and Bazz scowls at him. “I wouldn’t have gone near Kenpachi that night if you told me that what happened with Shinji hurt you so much. But… Bazz is, unfortunately, right. I should have put your feelings first. I should have been logical about things. Of course you were hurting. You cared about him quite a lot.”

It sounds so fucking fake coming out of his mouth, a lie crafted using Bazz’s own accusations and vitriol, and he hates listening to every single word of it. “Say it’s unfortunate one more time that I know how people’s feelings work better than you do.”

“You two. Please.” Sosuke scrubs a hand over his face. “Look, Byakuya, I don’t really care what you think about my dating choices. I have never had a say in yours, and you don’t get to enact a say in mine now because you disagree with them. Do you  _ remember _ how questionable some of your choices were? And it isn’t as though Bazz is a stranger. You know him. Like it or not, you will have to trust him with my heart.”

Bazz makes it a point to slide his hand across Sosuke’s chest, pressing it where his heart beats most firmly. “Gonna keep it nice and safe. Don’t you worry, So.”

Byakuya sighs and shakes his head, one slender finger tapping on the desk in annoyance before he straightens. “Fine. Do what you want. As I’ve said before, I think you’re making a mistake. You know he’s immature. There’s a reason he hasn’t been in relationships since—”

“And you don’t know what that fucking reason is so I don’t wanna hear it come out of your mouth.” No one knows, and for now, Bazz is going to keep it that way.

Sosuke presses his hand more firmly against Bazz’s own, almost holding it. “It doesn’t matter if he’s had relationships or not. Renji did not have a single successful, lasting relationship before you started dating him, and since you are so fond of low blows these days, none of my boyfriends have needed to be picked up from the police station.”

“Touche.” Byakuya turns his back to them, heading for the door. “Keep it that way, then.”

Bazz feels his jaw twitch as he kisses the top of Sosuke’s head, trying to ignore how badly he wants to go after Byakuya. Sosuke sighs and looks up at him, and for a moment, the anger is quenched in favor of looking down into his soft brown eyes, taking in the gentle sweetness of his smile before Bazz leans down to kiss him. The rage is still there, though, lingering just beneath his skin, waiting for a chance to bubble out and take him over. It would be well worth it at this point in time, if he could get a chance to let it out.

Ulquiorra steps back into the room, closing the door behind him. “I heard raised voices.”

“I yelled a few times.” Bazz rounds the desk to sit down next to him, planning on enjoying this lunch one way or another. “He should learn not to piss me off so much, I think.”

“I don’t want to have that conversation with him again, so I hope he’s going to finally let it go and let the four of us enjoy one another.” Sosuke picks up his chopsticks, and Bazz is at least a little relieved not to see any pain chasing the soft smile on his face, his beautiful brown eyes warm all the way through. “This looks lovely, Ulquiorra. Thank you for making it for me. I’ll have to do something nice for you in the future.”

Of course, Ulquiorra shakes his head. “Not at all. I like doing nice things for you.”

Bazz shoots Grimmjow off a text to blow off some steam and picks up his own food to start eating. In the back of his mind, he sincerely hopes Sosuke decides that going back home for the night is still currently off the table.

“Sosuke?” He clears his throat, tapping his chopsticks against his plate to work up the courage to say what he’s been wanting to say for the last few years. “I just… I want you to know that I love you. No matter what happens or what gets said or any arguments or anything, I just… I love you. I love you so much and I’m gonna spend every day showing you until you really believe it. And I’m happy to.”

He doesn’t miss the way Sosuke’s eyes shine at him. “I’ll take you up on that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big uwu at the paired chapter titles. also bazz really is a knight in shining armor.


	20. a gloved slap across the face

Ulquiorra’s back hits the hallway wall and he sighs, squeezing his eyes shut as he braces himself for the worst. Next to him, Renji leans against the wall as well, bending a knee to plant the flat of his foot against the plaster as he stares at the door in front of them. Behind that door, there is an unimaginable argument taking place, and Ulquiorra knows it. He feels useless for not being able to do anything to stop it.

“So.” Renji glances over at him and Ulquiorra tries not to look too interested in what he has to say. “I wanted to apologize for leaving the kitchen like I did.”

“What?” Ulquiorra frowns at him, not sure what he means. What kitchen? When?   


“The, ah. The breakup.” Renji shrugs a shoulder and Ulquiorra’s expression smoothes out slowly as he considers what Renji is telling at him before his shoulders jump up in tension once more. “No, no, I just… I just wanted to apologize. We were in the middle of a very important conversation and I walked out instead of dealing with it. Not how I wanted to do things. Looking back, I feel like an idiot for not trying to fight harder.”

With care, Ulquiorra chooses his words. “I hold nothing against you. The end of the relationship was an inevitable thing in our lives. It is what it is. I don’t regret that.”

“That’s good. I felt bad, though. Made you think that I didn’t care or something.” Renji turns to face him properly and Ulquiorra wishes he would just let this topic go.

“It doesn’t really matter if you cared or not, and I mean that in the kindest way possible. We ended the relationship over a matter that at the time, there was little compromise for. It’s different now.”  _ I’m different now, _ Ulquiorra wants to say, but he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t owe Renji anything, including this conversation if he just wants to end it.

Renji rubs a hand up and down the back of his neck. “Look, I don’t want to make this awkward and I think I already am. I just want to get closure about the whole thing. It made me realize that I didn’t try with you guys like I should have. Not like Sosuke did when he came back to you guys and not like you two did when you got him back.”

“If I’m being entirely honest, Renji, you were a very kind and fun person to be with, but there’s a reason Sosuke is the only person that we’ve chosen to pursue once more.” The last thing he wants to do is  _ hurt _ Renji, all things considered, but he really needs to make it clear that the way things are is the way they are going to stay. “We aren’t really interested in the original relationship any longer. Growing as people means understanding that while we ended things because we weren’t ready to be fathers, we also aren’t in a position to comfortably date you or Byakuya. No offense meant to you, though.”

“Offense meant to Bya, I’m guessing?” Renji wings an eyebrow up at him, and Ulquiorra says nothing in return, letting the silence between them speak for itself.

Inside of the office, someone raises their voice. He imagines it must be Bazz.

“Yes. Offense meant to Byakuya.” He does not let his gaze waver from Renji’s face as if daring him to say something about it. “The way he’s been acting lately is abhorrent, and I will not accept any excuses for his questionable behavior toward Sosuke.”

“To an extent, I get it. He’s worried. You guys were gone, so you didn’t have to deal with the fallout of what happened when Sosuke got his heart broken.” He phrases everything so carefully, Ulquiorra notices, tries to lay as little blame as possible. “So I think he’s afraid you guys are going to hurt him again, and he doesn’t want to see it happen.”

“He doesn’t want to be responsible for taking care of Sosuke if it happens,” Ulquiorra says.

Renji winces and heaves a sigh. “Yeah, that’s what he’s been saying pretty much verbatim. I wish they weren’t fighting like this. I feel like it’s not necessary in the grand scheme of things. I feel like they should be able to get along better than this.”

“While I understand Byakuya not necessarily agreeing with this choice or even being happy with it, I feel like… Certain language he’s used is despicable.” Ulquiorra wishes he could be in that office right now. He feels like being out here isn’t good enough.

_ Why does Bazz have to be the one who fights these battles? _

“I was there when they were fighting the first time. I know what you mean. It wasn’t good for either of them.” Renji glances toward the door again, and he looks conflicted. “They never fought like this before. At least, not that I saw. Maybe they were fighting where I couldn’t see because it’s not like I’ve always been living with them.”

Ulquiorra inclines his head slightly. “What will it honestly take to make it stop?”

“I don’t know. I… I know we all think of Sosuke as being pretty damn confident in himself, but I know that’s not really the truth. I know he’s not as put together as we all think he is.” Renji smiles sadly and Ulquiorra feels a pang in his chest at the thought, though he’s seen a few cracks here and there. Small cracks, but cracks just the same.

“It sounds like he’s not much different than the way I used to be before everything kind of imploded.” The thought is a novelty; Ulquiorra was so afraid he would be left behind that he might have missed someone else sporting his very specific fear. It makes him feel disappointed in himself alongside everything else he’s going through.

Renji nods once. “Yeah, I’m starting to see that, too. I can’t imagine Byakuya ever leaving him but the way he talked to Sosuke… It didn’t sound much like he loved him then.”

“Maybe he doesn’t.” The blasphemy leaves his lips before he can stop himself and Ulquiorra pointedly twists his head in the opposite direction, not willing to examine Renji’s expression in response to those daring words. “Grimmjow and I had one major fight while we were with the three of you. Just one. And he immediately apologized the moment he went too far and he made it up to me ten times over. I tried to walk away, and he didn’t let me. I think that’s a lesson the rest of you ought to try to learn one day.”

_ Besides, you didn’t let us walk away, Renji. You walked away from us. _

For a long moment, there is silence between the two of them. Ulquiorra winces when he hears what is distinctly Bazz’s voice through the door, but he cannot quite make out the shape of the words. He imagines they must not be positive ones, though.

Finally, Renji speaks again. “You know, you wouldn’t have been able to say that to me so bluntly a few months ago. I’m really impressed at how far you’ve come in recovery.”

_ Oh. _ Ulquiorra blinks a handful of times before looking up at him once more, relieved to see Renji isn’t looking at him like he wants Ulquiorra to keel over and die. “You think so?”

“Yeah. I get it. It’s not easy to fight with people you care about, but still.” Renji leans his shoulder against the wall, his expression thoughtful. “I don’t think the same way Bya does. I think you love Sosuke. I think that’s why you’re pissed enough to say things like he doesn’t love Sosuke. Because you love him, and you’re responding in kind.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m starting to believe it’s the actual truth, too.” Ulquiorra glances toward the door once more and wonders what would happen if he just stormed in and demand Byakuya shut the fuck up and get away from Sosuke immediately.

Renji says nothing for a moment. “You know, I’d feel bad if something happened to their marriage. I know I put a strain on it once, and that wasn’t right of me to do.”

“You did what? What happened?” Ulquiorra is intrigued despite himself. After all, this has nothing to do with him and yet he finds himself wondering just the same what happened. It must have been ugly to effect their marriage in any way, shape, or form.

A slight flush crawls down Renji’s neck and he huffs a sigh, tipping his head back. “I got into a fight at Las Noches. Drank too much in the bar and then took the fight out into the parking lot. Doesn’t matter ‘cause I was on the property. I got hauled into jail for it and Byakuya had to come pick me up. He was furious. And he didn’t have to say it but I know Sosuke was pissed when he brought me back to their place after it went down.”

Ulquiorra hums softly. “Sosuke hates the police. I can see why he would be upset.”

“Bad reputation on the club, too. All around fuck-up on my part.” Renji’s head tilts toward the door. “Look, I’m not gonna tell you not to date Sosuke. I think you should ‘cause he had the biggest smile on his face when he came home and told us what happened.”

“Seeing him smile is one of the few things I truly care about at this moment,” Ulquiorra admits, remembering Sosuke’s small and soft smiles when they were having sex.

He wants to keep it like that forever. He would steamroll anyone in his way.

Renji winks at him. “That far gone, huh? Well, Sosuke deserves that. He’s never had anyone devoted to him like that. I think it bothers him sometimes, y’know, that Byakuya’s always had an easier time picking up partners. The one guy he liked a lot turned him down.”

“Shinji.” Ulquiorra doesn’t have to ask. He’d been there for a brief interplay between them, but it was enough for him to see it. They said it themselves; Sosuke tried to collar him and Shinji turned him down. And yet, when the two of them were in scene together, they were so perfectly in sync it was like seeing a singular being. “Well, he has us now. And I thought you were interested in him, too. Not as much as you are Byakuya?”

“It’s not like I don’t love Sosuke, but Byakuya and I have been together for years now. It’s different. Just like I know it’s different for you and Grimmjow. The ring says it all.” Renji nods down at his hand and Ulquiorra examines the slender band carefully.

He remembers having this conversation with Tsukishima too, the man’s kind brown eyes disarming him every time he went through the list of reasons he was certain that a polyamorous relationship could never work for him. There was that nagging fear in the back of his mind that his partners would come to love each other more again, that they would leave him behind in the interest of each other. Orihime had done it to him once and therefore the risk was always there no matter what happened.

But he doesn’t know if he feels that way anymore. “I know what it feels like to be loved less than other people in the relationship. I don’t want to make Sosuke feel like he means less to me. I want to make him feel like he’s indispensable. Irreplaceable.”

“You think we could easily replace him?” Renji asks, and now there’s a slight edge in his voice, one Ulquiorra has been expecting to show up for this entire conversation.

He lifts his chin in answer. “Did you let him walk right out the door when he told you he was going to leave the house Monday night? Think on that for a bit, perhaps.”

Byakuya flies out of the door and it’s clear to Ulquiorra from the glitter in his eyes that whatever happened in that room pissed him off. No matter; Ulquiorra bypasses him to let himself inside, uninterested in his feelings on the matter when he has done nothing but dig this hole deeper for all of them. It would be better to let him and Renji sort out whatever they need to while he spends lunch with Sosuke and reassures him that things between them are going to be just fine. After all, nasty husband or not, Ulquiorra loves him.

He thinks he might have been in love with him from the first time Sosuke ever kissed him.

_ Who said I was offering? _ On top of that devilish smile… It hurts to remember that and Ulquiorra wonders dully if the heartbreak had been what cracked Sosuke’s walls down or if it was his trust in them now to understand everything he is going through.

Bazz’s love confession steels his resolve, though, and Ulquiorra finds himself straightening up in his seat as his eyes meet Sosuke’s once more. “I want you to stay with us again tonight. I know you have to go home to your husband eventually, but not tonight.”

“Oh?” Sosuke blinks, as if the declaration is too sudden. Then, softly, he smiles. “I already promised you that you could have me this weekend. When ever will I be at home?”

“If he’s still saying awful things to you, then I want you to stay with us until he’s ready to give you the apology you deserve.” And maybe the thought of Sosuke dealing with that  _ all night _ makes his stomach hurt and sour, curling in on itself a little.

Bazz clears his throat. “Hey, I’ve got an idea. Grimm’s off tomorrow, right?”

Ulquiorra has to think that over and then ends up checking the schedule on his phone just in case. “It appears that he is. That’s right. Starrk’s daughter asked him to go somewhere with her, so he cancelled that session a week or so ago. Why do you ask?”

“Why don’t you all come stay at my place for a bit?” Bazz spreads his hands wide in offering. “It’s a huge place, the bed is massive so we’d have plenty of room. My tub has  _ jets _ in it, you can’t tell me that you don’t want to experience that.”

“I like the sound of that,” Ulquiorra says, and he wonders what Bazz’s house must look like inside. Wonders if Grimmjow would freak the fuck out if he got to experience that.

Sosuke looks hesitant. “While I don’t particularly like the way Byakuya has been speaking to me, I’m not in a hurry to ruin our relationship in an irreparable way. We need to sit down and talk about things. I don’t think putting it off is going to help any of us.”

“Is he going to sit down and talk to you about it after what he said today?” Bazz asks.

“I see.” Sosuke presses his fingers together and he looks so  _ tired _ that it makes Ulquiorra’s heart ache. “I’ll think about it and give you an answer when I come back this evening.”

Bazz bounces out of his seat so he can lean across the desk, pressing a kiss to Sosuke’s forehead as gently as he can from the looks of it. “Thank you. If you decide not to, that’s fine, too. We can do it some other time. But I thought I’d make the offer anyway.”

“Thank you.” Sosuke’s eyelids flutter just slightly. “You’ve all been taking wonderful care of me these past few days, and I want to sincerely thank you for everything.”

“Oh, shut up. You know we like doing it. No thanking us.” Bazz catches him by the chin and gives him a proper kiss before sitting back down, looking triumphant.

Quietly, Ulquiorra smiles and looks down at his food. “I agree with Bazz. It’s nice to get to take care of you after how much you’ve done for me and Grimmjow in the past. And perhaps in the future, you’ll be letting us repay the favor in a very gratuitous fashion.”

“Perhaps,” Sosuke murmurs, an amused smile tugging at his lips, “I’ll let you take care of me. You’ve been acting as a Dominant for Grimmjow and Bazz, have you not?”

The words nearly floor Ulquiorra; a small and choked sound leaves his throat. “What? I was under the impression you and Byakuya had an open marriage specifically because the two of you were both Doms in the bedroom. I didn’t think you’d ever…”

The words refuse to leave his lips. The entire thought process is too strenuous for him in the wake of everything else, but the way Sosuke looks at him through his lashes makes something low and hot churn in his gut. Shinji is a switch, and most Dominance training requires the Dom in question to act as the submissive so they understand everything from that level, every experience from the mental down to the base physical. Sosuke has submitted for at least the time it took him to reach Shinji’s version of perfectly trained, but thinking about it in such terms makes Ulquiorra’s stomach flip.

Sosuke would submit? To  _ him? _ “I thought you didn’t even submit to Byakuya.”

“That’s… It’s a very complicated situation,” Sosuke says primly, and Ulquiorra wonders what that means in terms of the situation they all find themselves in currently. “Besides, this has nothing to do with him. This is a discussion for just the two of us to partake in.”

“I would do anything for you that you asked me to do and you know that.” Ulquiorra stretches a hand across the desk and Sosuke turns his palm-up, letting Ulquiorra squeeze his hand. “If you want to try that, we will. I’d be honored, and I’d take good care of you.”

“I know you would. I saw firsthand how you were taking care of Bazz. And…” Sosuke’s eyes glitter, his lips twitching into a smirk. “You took very good care of me yesterday.”

Bazz glances between the two of them and grins. “Sounds like you two had a good time.”

“We have fun when we’re together,” Ulquiorra confirms, and Sosuke’s smile softens, the way he looks down almost bashful if Ulquiorra didn’t damn well know better. “If that’s what you want, Sosuke, then we’ll try it. Like I said. I’m happy to be privileged with that level of trust and you know I’ll always respect you no matter what happens.”

Sosuke’s eyes meet his directly then. “Then I would like to try. It’s been quite a long time, as you can imagine, but… Well, the idea occurred to me, and we should live in the present.”

“Can I watch?” Bazz asks, throwing his hands up when Ulquiorra smacks his shoulder.

“Perhaps,” Sosuke says lightly, and Ulquiorra honestly expected him to take the automatic  _ no _ considering how much it had taken him to trust Ulquiorra and Grimmjow. Maybe this was him saying something different? “I’ll think about that as well. Now, as much as I hate to run the two of you out of here, it’s about time for me to go back to work.”

“You don’t have to worry about running us out. It’s your job. We understand.” Ulquiorra cleans off the desk, Bazz helping him, and then rounds the desk to give Sosuke a kiss goodbye. “I look forward to seeing you again this evening, if only for a moment.”

Sosuke’s smile is soft against his lips. “It’s been nice. I promise I’ll pay some hard thought to Bazz’s offer. If I decide to go through with it, you’ll have me all weekend.”

“I know. But no pressure. Choose what is best for you.” Ulquiorra kisses him again because he can, then steps back to let Bazz do the same, watching them with a fond smile.

They bid Sosuke their final farewells and then leave the office, and despite the tension, Ulquiorra feels better now. Better still when Bazz drapes an arm across his shoulders, a reassuring weight that centers him somewhat and reminds him of everything they have together and that the hard work may be taxing but it will be well worth it in the end. When Bazz kisses the top of his head as they step into the elevator together, he feels calmer, more focused. Besides, he has serious things to think about right now.

“You look like your brain was fried when he asked you to dominate him,” Bazz teases, and Ulquiorra scowls up at him, unable to help himself. “What? You were totally gone. Your voice went dead and everything. You that turned on by the thought?”

Ulquiorra waits to make doubly sure no one is following them into the elevator when he speaks. “No, it’s that I’m surprised Sosuke is willing to trust me with that. I was under the impression he and Byakuya opened up their marriage because they weren’t sexually compatible when it came to BDSM. Both of them are Dominants, are they not?”

Bazz looks thoughtful. “Well, maybe he’s been wanting to sub and just hasn’t been able to until the right Dom came along. Maybe they tried and it didn’t work out?”

“I don’t know. I’m just. I’ll have to make sure I don’t mess this up for him.” If Sosuke wants to trust him with such a thing, then he needs to make sure he does it right.

_ Maybe I should ask Shinji what the two of them did together to get an idea. _

“You’ll do a great job. Hey, look at me.” Bazz rounds on him, cupping his chin and tilting it up so their eyes meet. “You took amazing care of me and you did great with Grimmjow, and that was with an audience we weren’t even expecting to have. You are going to take the best care of him and he’s right to trust you with his body like that. Have some faith.”

Ulquiorra tilts his head, pressing his cheek against Bazz’s rough, warm palm. “How did I get so lucky? You’ve always been so good at reassuring me.”

“What can I say? You deserve the effort, Quiorra.” Bazz kisses him on the forehead, then takes him by the hand when the elevator doors open. “Let’s get out of here. This place is making me feel some kind of way, and I don’t want to stay here any longer.”

“Do you think Sosuke would give me Shinji’s number if I asked him for it?” Ulquiorra asks.

Bazz pauses in the entranceway between the two sets of glass doors leading into the building, his brow furrowed. “Probably? Why do you want Shinji’s phone number, though?”

“Sosuke trained as a Dominant with him and most Dom training requires submission at least as preparation, so you have the knowledge of what the sub is going through.” Ulquiorra wonders if that was why Sosuke had been so keen on having him submit. “Maybe he can give me an idea of where to start, or what Sosuke likes. And I’d honestly like to see him again and let him know what his advice worked no matter whose benefit it was for.”

“You’re a good guy, you know that? Real good.” Bazz pulls Ulquiorra’s hand up to his mouth, presses a kiss to his knuckles. “I’m sure if you asked him, Sosuke would give you the number provided Shinji’s cool with you having it. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

Ulquiorra already has his phone out of his pocket.  _ Would you mind asking Shinji if I could please have his phone number so I can contact him about something? _

_ Doing research? I’m unsurprised. _ The first message in reply has Ulquiorra’s face warming.  _ I’ll ask him. Give me a moment. He’s bad about answering messages. _

“Can I ask you a weird question?” Bazz slips his arm back around Ulquiorra’s shoulders the moment they step out into the warm sunshine, tilting his face up toward it.

For a moment, Ulquiorra is too dazzled by the way Bazz’s profile looks cut sharp by the bright light before he finds himself nodding. “Of course. If I can answer it, I will.”

“I don’t want to make Sosuke uncomfortable, so I don’t want to… Make sexual remarks or anything that might make him feel like I’m pushing him.” Bazz looks at him and Ulquiorra feels his heart thud dully against his ribs when he remembers Grimmjow with his face almost buried in Sosuke’s stomach, desperately trying to reassure him that he didn’t want to come off like he was demanding something. “You don’t have to get detailed or personal but if you could steer me in the right direction, I’d really appreciate that.”

“He’s fine with sex, but only certain ways. You don’t touch his genitals unless he gives you explicit permission. I’m not even sure if he’d let you see before he’s ready.” Ulquiorra slips his arm around Bazz’s waist and gives him a gentle squeeze. “You’re doing okay, Bazz.”

Bazz smiles down at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Yeah? I’m glad. I just wanna be the best I can for all of you no matter what it takes to pull that off. I’m ready to put in the work. And it really seems like Sosuke deserves it after that fight.”

“What happened?” Since Bazz brought it up, Ulquiorra feels free to just ask about it.

He watches Bazz bite down on the corner of his mouth and is about to retract asking at all when Bazz sighs and tips his head back. “Byakuya thinks the only reason Sosuke is dating me is to get back at him over the Kenpachi thing. With you two, I think he was just mad about the heartbreak. But with me, it’s a lot more personal. He fucking hates me.”

“What the hell happened between you two?” Ulquiorra asks, because he can’t stand just not knowing anymore. Hadn’t they been on friendly terms once? He would have sworn they were at least much more civilized with each other the first time he’d met Bazz.

“We used to be fine with each other. Like, the whole band used to be fine with each other when Retsu was still around. She was like everyone’s big sister.” Bazz shrugs, walks Ulquiorra toward where their car is waiting parked in the shade with the windows cracked to keep it from overheating too much. “When she left the band, though, we were okay. We auditioned new singers. We talked to each other a lot about what direction the band was going in because you can’t just replace someone. Everyone is stylistically different.”

Ulquiorra nods, slipping his hand into the back pocket of Bazz’s jeans and smiling innocently when Bazz glances down at him. “I know what you mean. It’s like that in art. You can’t entirely copy another person’s style because you always put yourself into it.”

“Exactly. So we talked about that for a long time, what we all wanted. When Yumichika came along, he was what we wanted. Powerful but also soulful.” Bazz’s smile is soft, fond, and Ulquiorra can see in that expression alone just how much he loves his best friend. “I pulled hard for him. I wanted him in the band more than I wanted anything else. We all did. He and Ikkaku really hit it off when we were all just hanging out together.”

“So what changed that the entire band started to feel this way?” Ulquiorra presses.

Bazz squeezes his shoulder. “Yumi couldn’t replace Retsu and I think that’s what everyone secretly wanted. He was never as put together or perfect as she was. She was like… Fierce onstage, but poised and graceful off. Yumichika was one hundred percent himself at all times, and no one really wanted to deal with it. I always thought he was great, though.”

“Yumichika was just himself and the others weren’t happy about it.” That makes Ulquiorra sad. Just having Yumichika over at the apartment for a brief time made him think the singer was a great friend for Bazz, someone just as outgoing and warm as him.

“Yeah. S’what happens sometimes. It was real gradual but the others stopped talking to him as much and Ikkaku didn’t buddy around with him like he used to. Isane’s always been nice but she’s not been as close to us since Retsu left.” Bazz shrugs, and his fingers comb through the strands of hair beside Ulquiorra’s neck. It’s getting so long and he should really think about cutting it. “But I always liked him and got along with him, so I never backed off. I  _ liked _ him. I still do. I hope we can resolve issues this weekend.”

Ulquiorra phone vibrates in his pocket and he plucks it out to see Sosuke’s name on a message, quickly opening it to read it.  _ Shinji has consented to giving you his number. He says you’re also welcome to come visit him at Kensei’s house if you want to. I’ve attached the number and address both to leave it up to you. I love you. Have a nice day. _

Visit him in person? “Bazz, why don’t we take a road trip across the city? Grimmjow might enjoy a little private time at the apartment considering he hasn’t had any in a while.”

“Hmm?” Bazz looks down at his phone screen, then grins. “Oh, man. I haven’t seen Shinji since the night he was gonna Dom me. He was a cute guy then, I bet he’s cuter now.”

Ulquiorra eyes him curiously. “I suppose that is one aspect of this we never discussed, in terms of how open this relationship is. Grimmjow and I are only interested in dating you and Sosuke, but if you wanted to date outside of the relationship, you could—”

“I don’t want to have sex with Shinji.” Bazz stops him just as they reach the car, then twirls him around and presses him up against it. “Believe me when I say that you three are the only ones for me. Like dedicated poly, I guess.”

It shouldn’t even be a concern but Ulquiorra finds himself nodding as he leans up to press a kiss to Bazz’s lips. “All right. Thank you. Now, shall we go visit Shinji?”

“Oh yeah. Even if I can’t participate or even be in the same room when you two are going at it, I totally want a working list of ideas for maybe the future.” Bazz leans past him, opening the passenger door for him, his weight pressing into Ulquiorra heavy and warm.

It gives him the perfect opportunity to tilt his head up and press his face into Bazz’s throat, taking in the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his skin. “That’s a good way to think. You’re already on the right track unlike some people that I know.”

They both share a small laugh over the jab and then slip into the car, Ulquiorra programming Kensei’s address into Bazz’s GPS so they don’t risk spending the entire day lost in unfamiliar neighborhoods. Bazz turns on the radio but lets Ulquiorra hooks his phone up to the Bluetooth so he can choose the songs without a word, humming along when Ulquiorra picks the new Man With a Mission song that’s been stuck in his head. He should try getting more into Nozarashi if only for the sake of his boyfriend being in the band.

Grimmjow texts him to ask what happened with Bazz and after asking what he means, Ulquiorra types out a long message explaining what happened, ending with the fact they’re going to go visit Shinji. He gets a promise to behave but that Grimmjow is going to hang out with Ichigo next door and Ulquiorra reminds him that Orihime will likely keep them in line in case anything goes wrong only for Grimmjow to fire back that  _ no, _ Orihime is watching Rukia. Which explains how all three of her fathers are in one place at the same time. Ulquiorra should have thought of that on his own to be honest.

“Looks like Kensei lives in a nice neighborhood,” Bazz muses. “You ready to see Shinji again? ‘Cause we’re like ten minutes from the place now.”

Firmly, Ulquiorra nods. “If it’s for Sosuke? Then I can easily face him. Besides, he was right to do what he did for all of us. And I’ll be happy to tell him that to his face.”

“My man.” Bazz squeezes his knee and winks at him before turning back to the road.

Ulquiorra ducks his head to hide a smile. “I’m happy to be yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before anyone is like "but renji wasn't in the wrong here, he just wanted to talk, why was ulquiorra mean" just think on his behavior so far and maybe meditate on whether or not he's done or said a few questionable things so far in terms of the way he's treated one partner vs. the way he's treated the other partner.
> 
> ulquiorra now has a spine and he's not afraid to use it. i'm so proud of him.
> 
> usually i'd bounce to someone else's pov at this point but i'm gonna stay in this vicinity for a bit and let ulquiorra and bazz go meet shinji so you can see how he's doing~ then we'll be back to roughly regularly scheduled programming.
> 
> sorry i've been somewhat absent the past few days. i've been playing bleach brave souls nonstop ever since they did the new white day drops because we got a beautiful [white day shiro card](https://66.media.tumblr.com/16de6b37c9fabec2814a240f2327c17a/tumblr_podpw1INkJ1rla0mk_1280.png) and i wanted him more than i wanted to breathe any more oxygen into my lungs. i pulled 6 out of 9 of the available five stars but finally nailed him.
> 
> and as thanks to the universe and because i offered it in exchange for him, keep an eye out for 10k of shiro body worship pornography to hit my ao3 soon.


	21. the road to hell is paved with good intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** some more sad stuff
> 
> **sexual content:** discussion of bdsm-related practices

Hirako Shinji is a force to be reckoned with, something Bazz picked up after about five minutes of conversation sitting on a bed with him out at Las Noches.

He answers the door in nothing more than a button-down that obviously does not belong to him considering how it hangs off of his frame, hair pulled back into a messy ponytail long enough that Bazz realizes he must have been growing his hair out since the last time the two of them spoke. The moment his eyes light on Ulquiorra, his lips quirk up in a knowing smirk and then he seizes Ulquiorra by the arm, all but dragging him into the house as he calls something over his shoulder about Bazz catching up to them. Whatever; Bazz lets himself into the house, closes the door, and glances toward the living room to see a pair of men he doesn’t know curled up on the couch together, watching television.

The older-looking man has a mohawk, too, which is pretty damn cool, though his is a bright snowy white. He raises a hand to Bazz in greeting. “Sorry, he never really developed the politeness to deal with visitors. I’m Muguruma Kensei. You’re Bazzard Black, aren’t you?”

“That’s me. Sorry to show up so suddenly.” Bazz casts his gaze around the living room. The place is clean but lived-in, the furniture not super new, some scuffs on the wooden coffee table, and the books on the shelf next to the window aren’t placed in any special order. It’s nice, actually. It looks like a home. “Quiorra just had something he needed to talk to Shinji about. Which, uh, he’s looking pretty good. He your boy now?”

Kensei’s smile is enigmatic as he combs his fingers through the messy black hair of the man whose head is resting in his lap. “It’s a work in progress, let’s just put it that way.”

“The answer he means is  _ yes, _ ” the man in his lap says, poking Kensei in the knee. “I’m Hisagi Shuhei. Shinji is ours now. Are you dating Ulquiorra? We haven’t been keeping up much with that situation, we only really know what Shinji tells us about what’s going on.”

“I don’t blame you. It’s not like I expect anyone else to be in on our drama and stuff anyway.” What kind of narcissist would expect something like that, after all?

Shuhei flashes him a thumbs up. “Good way to look at things. As long as you don’t upset Shinji in any way, I’m cool with you being here. Sir? Do you have anything to add?”

“Not really. As long as Shinji doesn’t end up upset by the end of the visit, I don’t mind anyone coming to see him. Considering he doesn’t get out of the house much still…” Kensei sighs and shakes his head, and Bazz winces in sympathy.  _ That bad, huh? _

“Can I ask if there’s anything we can do to help out?” He feels like he should offer, at least, considering Shinji is helping Ulquiorra out for the second time.

Kensei’s smile is polite. “Shinji’s going through a bit of a rough time right now is all.”

“You can just say he’s depressed,” Shuhei says, and Kensei sighs but nods, combing his fingers through Shuhei’s hair as gently as he can. “Shinji’s just depressed right now so he’s sticking around the house. That’s all. He’ll be okay as long as we all support him.”

Sighing, Kensei catches Shuhei by the jaw and tilts his head. “When did you get so smart?”

“I’ve always been smart, Sir. You’ve just not always been up to listening to me.” Shuhei winks at him, and Kensei laughs softly. “You should go on up and say hi to Shinji, though. I think it’d do him some good to have more people around. He took Ulquiorra upstairs to his bedroom. Door’s on the left side in the middle, you can’t miss it.”

Bazz nods, flashing him a thumbs up in return. “Thanks, both of you. And uh, for what it’s worth, I really liked Shinji when we talked the first time. He’s a fun guy.”

“He is,” Kensei agrees, something far-off and distant in his eyes.

On that note, Bazz crosses the living room to the staircase he can just faintly see the edge of and takes the steps two at a time, wondering about that conversation but not in the mood to pick at it and find the logical conclusion to some of the things that had been said. None of that is his business, after all, so he should keep his thoughts to himself and not worry over the details so much. If everyone is doing well, then things are good.

The house is very nice and it feels like a real home, which Bazz appreciates quite a lot. He finds Shinji’s door with no problems like Shuhei said and knocks on it, and Shinji swings it open a minute later, catching him by the shirt and pulling him inside.

“I wondered why it was taking you so long to find us. The house ain’t that big.” Shinji pushes him toward the bed where Ulquiorra is already sitting with his back against the pillows. “Unless you stopped to talk to Kensei and the puppy before you found us.”

“The puppy… Shuhei?” Bazz pulls himself up onto the bed and lets Ulquiorra lean against him, folding an arm around his shoulders. “Why do you call him a puppy?”

Shinji pulls himself up onto the bed and stretches himself out along the foot, and yeah, now that Bazz has a clearer shot of him, he can tell that Shinji’s hair has definitely been growing out. It looks cute. “‘Cause he’s in puppy love with me and always has been.”

“That’s sweet,” Ulquiorra murmurs. “You probably don’t want to hear this from me of all people but you look a lot better than you did the last time I saw you.”

In answer, Shinji winks at him. “What can I say? Maybe I did something stupid and let Kensei have another chance even though he  _ totally _ doesn’t really want one.”

Ulquiorra frowns at him. “If Kensei didn’t want another chance with you, then I highly doubt he would have pursued one in the first place. I mean, I’m sure the past was messy, but maybe it just put things into perspective for him and changed his mind.”

“That’s what he said when we talked about it. I wasn’t even, like, wanting to do that ‘cause I was pretty fine with things being over even if it seemed like I wasn’t.” Shinji says that firmly but somehow Bazz doubts he means it as seriously as he says he does. There is just something off about the words that makes it seem like he’s trying to convince himself as much as he is them. “But he and the puppy were pushing for it and finally I agreed that we could sit down with each other and talk if they really wanted to do that.”

“And I’m guessing you must have worked something out if you’re all back together again?” Bazz asks. Hey, if Shinji is going to volunteer the information like this, why not?

Shinji drags his teeth over his lower lip in a slow, exaggerated motion and then smiles at both of them. “Yeah, we worked something out. He said that what he really wanted more than anything else was to have me back. He’d had years to think it over. Sweet of him, I think, and it fucking threw me for a loop when he said that. But I gotta trust him.”

“I’m glad that you two ended up on such good terms,” Ulquiorra says, and he sounds like he truly means that, so Bazz nods along with him to show his support. “Trust is actually, like I said, why I’m here. Sosuke asked me if I would be willing to Dom him.”

“No shit? You must really be something special then.” Shinji sits up, tucks his hands under his chin and looks all kinds of thoughtful. “The last time he ever let someone Dom him, it was when I was the one training him. So you gotta be pretty damn special.”

Ulquiorra shrugs a shoulder. “I dunno. I didn’t really question it. I was just… Do you know why he hasn’t let Byakuya do it? I would have thought he’d want his husband—”

“Ya know… Training him was a weird thing. ‘Cause I could tell he liked being a Dom and it definitely appealed to him, but not all the time. Not like it did Byakuya, and I’ve been with both of ‘em enough times to know.” When Bazz’s eyes widen, Shinji laughs and wags a finger at him before tucking his hands under his head, arching his back like a cat would. “What can I say? I got around Las Noches. ‘Sides, it was my officially appointed job to keep after the Doms around and make sure all of ‘em were worth their salt.”

“So you’ve had sex with Sosuke and Byakuya,” Ulquiorra muses, sounding thoughtful.

“Oh yeah. See, I wasn’t kidding when I said there wasn’t anyone who’d tipped my Dom meter in a while. I don’t like doing it all the time.” Shinji stretches one leg up in the air, long and graceful like a dancer. “Your boy there was gonna bring it out in me, though.”

Bazz whistles. “I mean, I wouldn’t have said no. I was very much there to participate.”

“I know. But it’s a good thing you didn’t, probably, ‘cause you got to snatch up the pretty boys all for yourself.” Shinji grins at him, and Ulquiorra huffs softly at the both of them, though there is a small smile on his face so Bazz doesn’t feel too worried about what he thinks of all of this. He’s still smiling after all. “Anyway, Byakuya is like the exact opposite of what I’d want in a sub. He’s strict and stern and on top of himself and everything around him, and that makes for a good Dom. Just not for everyone. Not for Sosuke, for instance.”

Ulquiorra hums softly, and Bazz can feel the way he presses up into his side, his weight far slighter than Grimmjow’s but still warm and solid. “What does he like in a Dom, then?”

“He’s not good with the kind of strictness Byakuya uses. He likes it to be less rigid, less rule-oriented. And to be completely fucking honest, he’s not good with punishment.” Shinji sighs, hugs his thigh to his chest, and the way he looks at Ulquiorra is beyond intense now, his eyes hard as stone. “You’ve probably picked up on it now, I’d think. The confidence issues. The fact he’s so confident as a Dom is a ruse for how he isn’t as a person.”

“It’s something I’ve noticed especially in the last few days,” Ulquiorra agrees.

Bazz speaks up, clearing his throat just a little. He doesn’t want to  _ intrude _ but he feels like this is a place where he can offer some perspective. “So sucks at speaking up for himself when he needs to. He let Byakuya berate him in his office today and I assume that’s probably what happened a few nights ago. Where Byakuya’s concerned, I think he has a real fucking hard time just telling him how it is instead of letting it go.”

“Think you got it, babe. Sosuke’s a gentle soul because he’s been through a ton of shit, and as much as I hate to say it, he’s not sexually compatible with Byakuya when it comes to BDSM. Which means he’s never gonna sub for him, and he shouldn’t.” Shinji points at Ulquiorra, who sits up a little straighter. “You, on the other hand, have been honored.”

“And that’s how I look at it. I don’t want you thinking that I view this as any less than an honor on Sosuke’s part for trusting me with this.” The way Ulquiorra’s voice quivers softly with emotion makes Bazz’s heart ache. When did he get so fucking  _ cute? _

Shinji rolls his eyes. “So damned formal all the time. Anyway, you’re here for tips, right? You wanna know what Sosuke likes and what’s gonna make him fall apart at the seams for you. Smart boy. Can’t say I’ve ever had someone come to me for that, though.”

“I don’t wanna fuck this up,” Ulquiorra says, and Bazz tries to swallow a laugh at how quickly he switched from sounding formal to cursing. “He’s trusting me and I want to make sure he enjoys the entire session no matter what I have to do to make it happen.”

A low whistle leaves Shinji’s lips and he rolls onto his side, propping his head up on his arm. With the way the bottom of his button-down is riding up, he looks accidentally seductive. “Hey, I’m all for it. Like I just said, he’s a soft sub. Needs a lot of skin to skin contact and reassurance. If you’re gonna correct his behavior, do it in a very gentle voice.”

“I’m guessing the chances of him dropping are gonna be pretty high up there considering he doesn’t do it often and the situation right now is like, bad?” Bazz hazards.

“Possibly, but I dunno. I don’t think so.” Shinji’s hand slips back, playing with the loose strands behind the elastic band in his hair, curling them around his fingers. “He never did with me anyway, but I can’t really say. It just happens. Might be that he drops when you max him out, might be that he just feels a lot better about all this shit.”

“Just in case, I’ll prepare for that,” Ulquiorra murmurs, and Bazz squeezes his shoulder.

Shinji hums and nods, shifting the hand his head is propped up on. “Always for the best to plan for anything that could happen. He likes bondage and sensory deprivation. Tie him up and cover his eyes and you’ll have him in the palm of your hand. Take him out of his head for sure, but keep him out of it. He likes sensation. Layer it on him so he doesn’t have to think about anything else. And praise him plenty. Tell him how good of a job he’s doing.”

“Praise is important to him, I take it?” Ulquiorra pulls out his phone and Bazz watches him open the notes app, quickly recording everything Shinji has told them thus far. “Sensory deprivation I can do. He’s done it with Grimmjow, so I understand how it works.”

“Check in on him plenty, too. Ask him how he’s feeling. Make sure he’s still with you because once he just wandered off on me mentally and I had to bring him back down.” Shinji ticks these items off on his fingers, expression thoughtful. “Is Grimm gonna be in the room? Or is Bazz? I’d keep one of ‘em around to hand you things as needed because Sosuke needs you to be close to him through pretty much the entire scene. He  _ needs _ contact.”

Ulquiorra’s gaze shifts just slightly, green peeking out of the corner of his eye before he turns back to his phone. “Maybe Grimmjow. No offense, Bazz, but Sosuke will need time to work up to that same level of trust with you. We weren’t allowed to see him naked for quite a while, but I assume you understand that?”

“‘Course. I’m not pushing for anything.” Why would he? The very thought makes him vaguely ill, the thought of pushing for something he definitely has done nothing to earn. No, he would rather wait until Sosuke is comfortable enough to open up to him, comfortable enough to trust him with his body. He’s had  _ years _ to be patient. What’s a few more?

“Good man.” Shinji pats him on the ankle. “I can’t advise you about penetration, though, ‘cause he never let me do that. I’ve never seen him totally naked. Sometimes he didn’t even get off despite my best efforts. From the way it sounds, he trusts you with that.”

“Yes. I’ll figure out how to implement such measures myself. I know some of what he likes already.” Ulquiorra types faster on his phone than Bazz can actually rationalize.

Shinji stares at Ulquiorra for so long that even Ulquiorra looks up at him with an uncertain expression on his face, quickly shifting to one of curiosity as he meets Shinji’s eyes. Then Shinji laughs and shakes his head, smoothing a hand over his face and sitting up slowly, pulling his knees up against his chest. There’s something about him now versus when he was at Las Noches, but Bazz doesn’t know him well enough to really pinpoint what must have changed for him to seem so… Softer? That word doesn’t seem right, but still.

It’s pleasant, though. It’s nice to see him like this, like he’s less sharp at the edges.

“Y’know, just between the two of us, I could tell back then when we talked that you didn’t really want to leave.” Shinji holds up a hand when Ulquiorra opens his mouth to speak, shaking his head. “Nah, I get it. Unavoidable situation, but ya didn’t want to. That’s why I told Sosuke to go see you and Grimmjow again, to see how he’d react to it.”

Ulquiorra’s eyes saucer and a vague noise of confusion hits Bazz in the back of the throat. “You told him to come see us again? I don’t understand. I thought that you—”

“I know what I fucking said, okay? I know I told you to leave if it couldn’t be fixed and I was totally right and valid.” Shinji preens like a bird for a minute and Bazz thinks that he and Yumichika would get along far too well. Like, totally drinking buddies. He bets Shinji even tells guys he’ll suck their dicks when he’s drunk. “But Sosuke still loved you both, so it was equally valid to tell him to go back to you. And you’ve found a way to work around it. Granted, I didn’t realize it was just getting Byakuya and Renji out of the way, but—”

Bazz whistles. “Wow, you really went there. I’m impressed. I’m really starting to like you.”

“I’m a luxury few can afford.” Shinji bats his long, golden lashes at him and Bazz grins at him, unable to help himself. What can he say? He likes flirts. Always has. “But that’s really what it was, in the grand scheme of things. Sosuke would have found a way to work around it so everyone would be happy. And it looks like that’s exactly what’s happened.”

“For what it’s worth, I’ve also been to a therapist, so I’m learning to communicate more easily. I’m still a work in progress, but it was probably easier to find a balance with someone more prepared to do it,” Ulquiorra says.  _ Always sticking up for people, huh? _

Shinji sticks his tongue out at him. “Whatever. Ya love Sosuke, that’s all it really means.”

Was it that? Bazz sometimes wonders. He knows Ulquiorra and Grimmjow walked into the relationship with Byakuya and Renji of their own accord, but he knows precious little about the details because he never saw it as his place to nose into it. Not his relationship, not his drama, after all. But it wasn’t like Ulquiorra was trying to chase after Byakuya and win him back. It wasn’t like Grimmjow had insisted on going to see them when he’d taken Sosuke by the wrist and drawn him into his arms. They made a very clear choice.

“We do love him,” Ulquiorra agrees. “All of us,” he adds, and looks up at Bazz with a smile.

Shinji makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat. “You’re such a fucking sap, I swear to God. Anyway, best I can advise you on after all I said is that Sosuke is basically just craving someone who’ll take his trust in them and reward him for it. He’s not super bratty or anything, might make a smart remark or two but not even close my level. Just like a tease. Pamper him. Spoil him, and he’ll melt in your hands.”

“Thank you. That was everything I really needed to know.” Ulquiorra saves the page and then tucks his phone back into his pocket. “I want to make this perfect for him, or as close as I can get it. That way he feels like he can always come to me for more.”

“Oh, he will if you get him going. He’ll be all yours.” Shinji winks at him, then jumps when someone knocks on the door. “I swear to fucking Christ. Come in!”

The door opens enough for Kensei to stick his head through. “I just wanted to let you know we’re going to get started on dinner soon. I’ll send Shuhei up to get you when it’s ready.”

Shinji makes a complicated expression, then sighs and shakes his head. “Nah, no, I’ll come help with it if you don’t mind. I feel weird always letting you two do all the work.”

Kensei looks surprised by the offer, then smiles. It’s a charming, fond expression that tells Bazz just how much he loves Shinji. It’s  _ right there _ on his face. Was there really any doubt on Shinji’s part ever? “You got it, princess. We’ll wait for you to finish up here.”

_ Princess? _ Bazz looks at Ulquiorra, who just shrugs a shoulder.  _ Who knows? _

“Thanks, babe. We’re just wrapping up now, so.” Shinji glances over at them. “Unless you two wanted anything else? I just thought it was the stuff about Sosuke-chan.”

“We’re done,” Ulquiorra says, patting Bazz’s thigh so he slides off of the bed, catching Ulquiorra’s hand when he gets off himself. “Thank you for all of your help, Shinji, but we won’t keep you any longer. And thank you, Kensei, for letting us into your beautiful home.”

Kensei shakes his head. “Don’t even think twice about it. I’m happy to help.”

“Still, man,” Bazz says. “You three have a good night. It was a lot of help.”

Kensei takes them to the door because of course he does, but Shinji comes with him to properly see them off. There’s no really mistaking the affection between the two of them, the way Kensei slips his arm around Shinji’s waist as they stand at the door together, the way Shinji turns so he can wrap his arms around Kensei’s broad shoulders. They make a pretty pair just on their own and Bazz can’t help but admire a little.

“Come by sometime soon,” Shinji says, and Ulquiorra smiles pleasantly and nods. “I’m serious. I like you, Ulquiorra. You’ve… Changed, and for the better. And besides, I still want to come to your wedding for the free food. You can thank me for the advice.”

Ulquiorra laughs and nods, and the sound of it is so pleasant and almost musical. Bazz wants to write a song based on that sound alone, words crafted around the sound of Ulquiorra’s joy and happiness. “Of course. I’ll come visit soon, I promise. If you’re an important friend of Sosuke’s, then I want the two of us to be able to get along.”

“I’m the  _ most _ important friend,” Shinji stresses, then stretches out a hand and pats Ulquiorra on the top of the head. “But yeah, come by sometime. Bring your boys and Sosuke and we’ll make a whole night of it or something. It’s always fun talking to you.”

They head back to the car and Ulquiorra pauses before he gets in, checking the screen of his phone before exhaling a soft sigh and shaking his head. “Grimmjow is now panicking.”

“Why is Grimmjow panicking?” Bazz asks, trying to keep his voice light even though his heart slams into his ribs hard enough to break them at the news.

“Orihime was asked to take Rukia back to her apartment for an hour or so when Sosuke and Byakuya will be getting home from work. They’re going to have a talk before he comes back to our place. Depending on how that goes, he’s going to decide on whether he’ll stay with us at your place.” Ulquiorra pinches the bridge of his nose and Bazz slides his hand across the roof of the car, holding it palm-up so Ulquiorra knows to take it, tangling their fingers together. “Maybe we should stop over and say hi to Rukia.”

Bazz hums softly. “Well, she is a part of Sosuke’s life and she’s bound to think something must be wrong with him being away from the house. We can like, play with her. Reassure her that everything is fine in case she does think something is wrong.”

“I think that must be what Grimm is thinking, too.” Ulquiorra messages back, and Bazz squeezes his fingers gently. “A show of faith to Sosuke. I didn’t even think about her, and I feel awful for that. All this time he’s been with us, she must have been wondering—”

“Not to be bluntly fucking mean and awful about a very serious subject matter, but… If their relationship is this rocky, it’s better she doesn’t have to see it.” Bazz wonders how long you have to be dating someone to unlock their Tragic Backstory, then remembers Ulquiorra told him about one of the most painful moments of his life when they were still friends, so maybe it’s fine. “Get in the car. I’ll tell you on the drive back home.”

Talking about it standing next to his car in Kensei’s driveway feels like a weird choice.

Once the two of them are heading out of the neighborhood, Bazz fiddles with the radio, putting on something low and in the background so that the car won’t sound so quiet. When he needs to pause to speak, the silence can be rough, and music has always been there for him one way or another. He really likes having it be a part of his life.

After all, music had been there with him during the worst part of his life, the part he’s about to divulge to Ulquiorra, so it feels appropriate to have it playing.

“My parents got a divorce when I was like fifteen,” he says, rolling his eyes when Ulquiorra’s expression immediately becomes sympathetic. “No, don’t do that shit. Look, divorces are great. It’s two unhappy people trying to be happy. That’s awesome. I approve of it. I’d rather have them divorced than making each other miserable all the time.”

“I guess that makes a fair amount of sense. I’ve just known people who suffered quite a lot because their parents divorced,” Ulquiorra offers, which is a fair explanation.

The thing is, as an explanation, Bazz really hates it. “It can really suck especially because it makes it feel like it’s your fault sometimes, I see that. Or it messes things up financially. But like, fifteen. Okay. So they were married for fifteen years that I witnessed.”

“That’s a respectable number for a marriage,” Ulquiorra says. “Sosuke’s been married just about ten now, I think? They’re coming up on their eleventh.”

“Next month,” Bazz agrees, and Ulquiorra’s eyes widen. “Oh, you didn’t know the date? I’ve always known it. Nozarashi does something special for ‘em every year. Anyway, not about them. And that’s debatable anyway. Is fifteen years of failure really a success?”

Ulquiorra hums softly. “Well, they had you, and I’d say that’s at least one big success.”

“Oh my God, you really are a sap.” Bazz tries to ignore the way his mouth twitches at the words but, more than that, his heart hurts a little. How did it take him this many years to find someone who’d say something like that to him?  _ You really did have to waste half your goddamn adult years on someone like Jugo, didn’t you? _ “But anyway. Their marriage sucked. And because I was their kid, I was at the middle of the sucking part. They’d use me against each other. And I figured it out pretty fast even as a little kid.”

“God, that sounds awful. I never thought of it like that.” Ulquiorra looks actually troubled by this, bless his heart. His family must have been real good to him growing up.’

Now,  _ that _ is a thought that brings a genuine smile to Bazz’s face. Maybe he can meet Ulquiorra’s parents at some point. “Yeah, so. There’s that. They didn’t like each other and they took it out on me as a result. So I always grew up knowing I was between them. That I was like the only reason they were together to make each other miserable.”

“And you would have probably been a happier child if you’d grown up with divorced parents who might have actually been kinder to you and each other as a result,” Ulquiorra musees.

Bazz shrugs, not taking his eyes off of the road as they come up to a light. “I dunno. I couldn’t say one hundred percent. But I know I was miserable. Do you think Rukia should be in the middle of this misery right now? Do you think Sosuke and Byakuya should try to fake nice with each other and probably fail at it where she can see them doing it?”

“I guess that would probably be bad for her,” Ulquiorra admits. “What happened with your parents? Are you still in contact with them, or not anymore because of what happened?”

“Not anymore. I mean, aside from the fact they both hate me being in a rock band, Mom walked in on me and Jugo fooling around and she never forgave me for it.” What a way to fucking discover his mom had always been homophobic. The only plus was that he was an adult at the time and he was only visiting, so he could leave. “Dad just doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Which is valid, I guess. I hate him, too.”

He doesn’t realize his voice is quivering until Ulquiorra’s hand drops down on his thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry they treated you like that when you were just a child. You deserve better. I hope you know Grimm and I are going to treat you far better.”

“Well, I was an adult when Mom acted up, but the sentiment is nice.” Bazz laughs, swipes a hand over his eyes when he feels them stupidly sting.  _ You’re an adult. Let it go. _ “I know you had shit go down with your exes, too, and I just want you to know I’m not going anywhere. If shit goes down, we’ll figure it out. No matter how bad it gets. I promise.”

There is a brief shimmer of emotion in Ulquiorra’s eyes before he nods and smoothes his expression back out. “Thank you. It means a lot to hear that from you.”

“Always.” The light is red, so Bazz picks Ulquiorra’s hand off of his thigh and kisses it, brushing his lips gently over Ulquiorra’s knuckles. “Let’s go hang out with Rukia-chan for a little while and pray to God that Sosuke and Byakuya don’t punch each other this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey three chapters in three days, i think i'm doing a pretty good job at keeping this updated.
> 
> you got to learn a tiny bit about bazz in this chapter and got to see an update on shinji's condition following everything that has been happening in his life. it looks like things are starting to look up for him. it's still going to take a little work but everything is just a work in progress, and he helped ulquiorra a whole lot too~
> 
> i think you all know what's happening in the next chapter, so brace yourselves. it's going to get nasty.


	22. you have survived all of your worst days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** big warnings for the general argument you all know was coming. the biggest warnings for transphobia and suicidal thoughts. this chapter got uglier than even i expected it to.
> 
> **sexual content:** none

When Aizen Sosuke met Kuchiki Byakuya in university, it was on the tail-end of the worst week of his life, a seven-day period where he thought for certain he would end up dead by Sunday evening and never have to look back on the life he could never have led.

University was supposed to be his fresh start at life. Surviving high school in the wrong uniform and under the wrong name had been a deadening experience for every single year of it, and though it had taken him until his teenage years to come to terms with the word  _ trans, _ a part of him had known since he was a child who he was and what he wanted to be. Keeping his head down in high school and studying meant he could slip off to his first choice, a prestigious university his parents were proud of sending him off even as they quietly but meaningfully begged him to let go of his  _ delusions _ about who he was.

Sosuke would go to university and come back every bit the man he always said he was, and they would have to deal with that in one way or another. If it became a sticking point, he could turn his back on them and leave. He told himself it would be easy to do that.

Nothing is ever so easy. There are always hiccups and contingency plans to be made.

Monday saw not one but two of his professors mistakenly misgender him while he was speaking to them after class, two small instances. Two small slip-ups. Both of them apologized when he gently corrected them, but he thought about it all day long after the fact and was unable to sleep that night wondering if it was all just an illusion he was putting on. If everyone could see through the facade, if the expensive binders he bought without his parents knowing were even worth the money, effort, and the physical discomfort it took to wear them if people who  _ knew _ better were going to hurt him.

Tuesday was much smaller but somehow worse; a stranger on the street cat-called him. The weather was warm, so he opted for a pair of shorts when he went into the city to pick up a few provisions for his dorm room. In the end, he thinks he would have forgotten half of his grocery list if he had not carefully written it down beforehand. He still paid his bill with trembling fingers and stinging eyes, holing up in his dorm for the rest of the day.

Wednesday, he stayed in to study and ended up picking through a forum for young trans men, reading their stories, agonizing over the pain so many of them had faced because of their decision to come out to their parents, to their friends and family and partners. He threw up twice, shut his laptop, and cried himself to sleep around five in the evening.

Thursday was the typical call from his parents, and though his mother never raised her voice once, the constantly repeats of his dead name left him feeling hollow by the time he hung up the phone. Still, it took everything in his power to open the Call settings and block her phone number so she would no longer be able to contact him. Even if she worried and fretted, he was no longer sure he could talk to her without screaming.

Friday should have been better, all things considered. The one perk of university was that there were more open-minded people here interested in new experiences and trying to understand as much as they could about one another. So, Sosuke had a boyfriend. They spent most of the afternoon and the evening together, getting lunch and enjoying the warm spring air and the cherry blossom trees beginning to flower while they walked the streets, their fingers laced together. They caught a movie, had a late dinner, and Sosuke convinced himself it would be okay to bring him back to the dorm. Ten minutes later, the boyfriend was an ex-boyfriend and Sosuke was sitting in the bottom of his shower with his head in his hands wondering how he ended up with someone who would forego all of his carefully-set boundaries and then try to make him feel bad for setting them.

Saturday night, Sosuke climbed to the very top of his dorm building for some fresh air and found himself standing at the edge of the roof within about five minutes. It would have been easy to jump, he knew. It would have saved him all of the trouble. His parents would use the wrong name on his grave and it would be reported as a tragic accident, another stressed student succumbing to the pressures of university life. Of course, his identity would be covered up in the news and no one else would ever know the truth. He backed away when he remembered just how many people in the forum insisted that things would get better even in the worst times.  _ You have survived all of your worst days. _

Sunday evening, Aizen Sosuke walked into the LGBT club on campus with the sole goal of finding a community to invest himself in. Kuchiki Byakuya was the current president of the club, confident and sure of himself, and he welcomed Sosuke into the group with open arms. He still remembers meeting Byakuya’s eyes across the room from the doorway for the first time, lifting his chin and swallowing past the lump in his throat as he walked into the room with more confidence than he felt in every molecule of his body.

He still remembers Byakuya quite literally holding his arms out, a soft expression of empathy and understanding in his eyes as he said, “You look like you could use a hug.”

Sosuke wonders how it could have come to this as he parks in the driveway of their home and walks toward the front door, telling himself to remain strong no matter what happens next. They  _ must _ get through this conversation no matter what it takes.

The door opens just as he reaches it and Byakuya is there in the doorway, having already changed out of his work clothing and into a t-shirt and a pair of loose white jeans, his hair pulled back into a ponytail. “Sosuke. Do you want to get more comfortable before we talk?”

“Yes, thank you.” Sosuke steps into the house, toes his shoes off, and makes a beeline for the stairway that leads up to their bedroom. “Is Renji going to be a part of this?”

“He’s waiting for us in the kitchen.” Byakuya glides across the living room almost soundlessly. “There are a few things we need to discuss and he should be there.”

“That suits me just fine.” Sosuke takes the steps two at a time and wonders when having a conversation with his husband and their boyfriend felt like it was going to take an emotional toll on him rather than resolve any of the issues they have with one another.

He changes into a t-shirt and a pair of jeans as well before heading back downstairs, finding a cup of tea waiting for him on the table. The positioning makes things awkward right away; he finds himself sitting across the table from Byakuya and Renji, who are side-by-side, and he feels as though this illustrates one of the larger issues they have to discuss. He is so tired of feeling like there is some distance between them.

_ I’m supposed to be your husband. I’m the one you chose to marry, Byakuya. _

“I want to start off by saying that I’m sorry for the way I’ve been handling things lately.” Byakuya traces the edge of his cup with one delicate finger, disturbing the steam slowly wafting from the surface of the liquid within. “Snapping at you is inappropriate. I’ve just been very overwhelmed by recent decisions, but that’s an explanation. Not an excuse.”

“It’s fine to be overwhelmed sometimes. I just thought we’d talk about it and move on. The fight we had on Monday night was very jarring.” It had been a long time since Byakuya swung that low considering just how badly it ended the last time he did such a thing.

Renji nods, fiddling with his cup, the ceramic clinking against the top of the table. “Right, yeah, like… I just overheard it but even I thought it was pretty out there, some of the things Bya said. I mean, at least to me, it’s really clear that you’re happier now with them.”

“I am. I love them.” What more is there to say? Those three words should be enough, but Sosuke feels he has to add more to this. That those words are not good enough somehow, should not be measured equally. “I never stopped loving them. I only regret that things ended as they did. I told them myself I was going to be unhappy if they left.”

Byakuya sips from his cup of tea. “I do think you owe Renji an apology, though. Bringing up the arrest in front of Bazz was a low blow of its own. He wasn’t there to defend himself.”

“You’re right, and I apologize.” Sosuke slides his hand across the table and Renji takes it, linking their fingers together loose and warm. “It was wrong of me to use you as a petty token in an argument, Renji. I was upset and lashed out inappropriately. It was a mistake, a grave one, but you apologized and we moved on. It shouldn’t have been used like that.”

Strong fingers squeeze his own gently. “It’s okay. I get it. We’ve all said things we don’t mean because of this whole thing. I’m not mad at you for it. I forgive you.”

“Thank you.” Sosuke smiles softly at him, turns back to Byakuya. “So. Monday night.”

“It’s hard for me to say I’m happy that you’re with the two of them again because I saw how much it hurt you to have them leave. Part of me is always going to be certain they’re just going to end up hurting you again.” Byakuya holds out his own hand, and Sosuke takes it without hesitation. “I have no reason to trust them. I’m sorry, but it’s just the truth.”

“That’s understandable. So then, I ask you to trust me. To let me make these decisions. We really did talk things out and have a proper conversation about it,” Sosuke says, running his thumb over Byakuya’s knuckles. How many times does he need to ask for this one thing?

Byakuya looks torn, his eyes drifting down to his tea once more as if holding eye contact is too much for him right now. “I know that. But it’s hard for me to agree to it. I’ve seen you get hurt before and I’m just… I’m tired of picking up the pieces. You know they’ve hurt you once and I can’t stomach the idea that they’re just going to end up doing it again.”

“While I understand your concerns, it isn’t really up for you to decide.” He thought they could move beyond this topic, but if not… What more is there to say? “We agreed that we wouldn’t screen each other’s choices in partners. You didn’t get to screen Shinji, either. You never asked about Gin. I trust them, and I want to be with them, and that’s my choice on the matter. If you don’t like it… I’m sorry, love, but I don’t know what to tell you.”

“All right. I understand. Even if I don’t like it, I can let this go and move past it. If they make you happy and they’re important to you, I’ll let it go.” Byakuya raises Sosuke’s hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles gently. His next words are like an arrow. “But Bazz is a different matter entirely. That’s not something I can just let go.”

Of course, it comes back to Bazz. Sosuke knew it would the moment he decided to call Bazz his boyfriend, to kiss him meaningfully the first time as partners. Perhaps he had known it the first time he kissed him at all. “That isn’t up for a debate, either.”

“I just want to say something,” Renji says, shifting in his seat, all nervous energy. “I do think it’s like, Sosuke’s choice on who he dates. But I thought the whole point of the incident with Kenpachi was what you’d had an understanding that dating members of the band was bad? Like everything else aside, I thought that was the defining moment.”

“That wasn’t really the issue.” Byakuya leans back in his chair and Sosuke’s hand slips out of his. “Would you like to tell us what you were really feeling that night, Sosuke?”

Coming to this so suddenly makes Sosuke’s stomach churn but he forces himself to sit up, taking his hand back from Renji so he can bring his cup to his lips and sip the warm liquid for some vague amount of comfort. “I was upset over what happened with Shinji, but I didn’t want to ruin your fun. I underestimated how much it hurt me to see you with someone else when I was suffering. I should have been honest with you.”

Byakuya’s eyes soften. “It’s partially my fault as well. Bazz… Admittedly, was correct in saying I should have been considerate no matter what you said. Whether you were hurt or not, I should have reassured you and comforted you. You deserved that much.”

“What’s done is done.” And he has no desire to revisit the night he spent crying on Bazz’s shoulder and thinking about all the men he’d seen in photographs, on Byakuya’s Instagram account and Twitter profile from university. All of the masculine men, sharp and hard like Renji. Something he could never be and helplessly feared. Someone like Kenpachi. “I like Bazz. He treats me well and respects me. He comforted me during a very difficult night and he’s… I know it seems like he’s just a troublemaker, but it’s so much more than that.”

The way Byakuya presses his lips into a line says just what he thinks of that. “Why didn’t you ever come to me about that night? This conversation between the two of you happened after, didn’t it? When was it? I just want to understand what happened.”

No amount of discussing it will magically make it as though Byakuya was there for him. “We invited Nozarashi over to celebrate our anniversary. I don’t think anyone noticed when I left the room. It was about two weeks after the fact and I was still upset about it. I… Having him in the house on our anniversary right after that happened just. It was hard to stomach. And I had been feeling so poorly about things that I just sat down to cry.”

Part of him chose the kitchen with the hope Byakuya would find him and they could talk things out and make it right. Bazz stumbling in instead was never part of the plan.

“I’m sorry you felt that way.” Byakuya reaches out to him again but Sosuke stays where he is, waiting for him to continue. Knowing there’s more. “Why didn’t you just  _ tell _ me?”

“Because you don’t see it from my perspective. You never do. You just.” Sosuke closes his eyes, takes a slow and deep breath. Remembers the Byakuya who took Sosuke in his arms within two minutes of meeting him and promised him they were going to find a way to make things okay for him no matter what it took. “You knew from day one that I don’t have your confidence. Your assurance. I’m trying, but I still don’t. It’s like talking to a wall. Every word never lands right, and I can’t keep explaining myself to you until it does.”

Predictably, a sigh leaves Byakuya’s lips as he slumps down in his hair, fingers darting up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind his ear. “I married you. I  _ chose _ you. How can you still think to this day that I would ever choose someone else over you? At all?”

_ You know why I think that. You just won’t admit to yourself you know why. _

“See?” Sosuke pushes his tea away, his throat too tight for him to swallow any more of it down. “You’re brushing my feelings off. Every time this happens, you always do this.”

“Before this blows up, I just want to say something.” Renji spreads his hands wide, waiting for them to fall silent before he speaks again. “When I first joined you guys, Bya told me upfront there had to be regular conversation. That you needed to reaffirm everything and talk about feelings. And while that might have been an issue, I mean… Bya, I love you, but you’re making it hard on Sosuke right now. He’s really trying to explain this to you.”

Byakuya pinches the bridge of his nose, inhaling deeply and exhaling so roughly that it makes Sosuke wince. “No, I do understand. He has confidence issues. I do understand it because we’ve talked about it before you. But there’s nothing I can do anymore.”

_ Why does it have to be like this? _ “You aren’t even trying,” Sosuke says, and Byakuya frowns at him, quick and sharp, almost accusatory. “I want to make this work. I want everyone to be happy. But I’m not going to compromise my own happiness for that. If you have personal problems with Bazz, then avoid him. I won’t bring him over to the house if it’s an issue. We used to have to talk to each other before Renji could come over.”

He watches Byakuya open his mouth to say something, watches him swallows the words down, reconsider, and then try again. “That’s not the issue at all. He’s immature, he’s childish, and he’s petulant. He’s a bad match for you, and I think I’d know that after—”

“It  _ isn’t _ your  _ choice, _ ” Sosuke stresses. He wonders why he even bothered coming to talk if they had to keep coming back to this. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were jealous that I found anyone who could make me happy. It’s like you want to be the only one who does, in which case, why did we even open up our marriage to begin with?”

“Both of you, just fucking stop.” Renji scrubs his hands over his face, exhaling hard through his nose. “All right, no. That’s fair. Let’s explore that. Bya, why do you have such a problem with this? If he’s not dating Bazz because of Zaraki and if he’s happy, why do you have such a problem with this? You need to give us a concrete answer.”

Slowly, Byakuya picks up his cup of tea and drains it, setting it back down on the table hard enough that Sosuke’s shoulders jump with the sound of it. His chest hurts.

He remembers Byakuya’s face, softer than it is now, gentle with understanding, his fingers so soft as he combed them through Sosuke’s hair. They sat together after their first meeting, chairs facing each other, knees touching. “I’ll do anything I can to help you.”

“Because you always end up choosing men who hurt you,” he says, and Sosuke closes his eyes. “Shinji. Gin. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. I’m tired of you telling me that I should trust you when all of your decisions end with you getting hurt. If you don’t trust me to know you well enough by now to tell you that someone isn’t right for you, then I don’t know what to say. I want you to be happy. You don’t seem to want that for yourself.”

Renji, bless his heart, tries to intervene. “Hey, wait a minute, that’s not—”

“Okay.” Sosuke pushes himself up from the table and thinks that his conversation has helped him make a few key decisions he was thinking about in the car. “I think we need a break from each other. I’m going to go stay with Bazz. I’m sorry I can’t be here for Rukia like she needs right now, but in my present state, I couldn’t be a good father figure for her. I need some time away to really think through all of this.”

“So you’re just… Leaving?” Renji looks hurt, all sad puppy dog brown eyes as he stands, almost tripping over his own feet, strong enough to jostle the table.

He holds his hands up.  _ Please, stay back. _ “I need time to think about things. Byakuya, you have said some hurtful things. I don’t want to lash back out. But I can’t promise I can sit here and talk things through rationally when you think of me this way. I thought being gone for a few days would fix this, but that’s apparently not true.”

“Rukia asked me where you were,” Byakuya says, and Sosuke winces because he knew she must have been worried about him. “I told her you were having a sleepover with some friends. She’s not concerned. But… I think you were right to leave, then. She heard us arguing outside of her bedroom window and she was worried something was wrong.”

Of course. They’re making this environment too stressful for the one person who needs to relax the most. “Then I’m going to go. Please tell her whatever you think is necessary and appropriate to soothe her. I just… I can’t keep doing this. Not in this state.”

_ Not with you throwing those barbed remarks at me like I’m an errant child. _

“All right. I’ll promise to be civil at work. No more disputes like today.” Byakuya stands, places a hand on Renji’s shoulder. “We’ll give you space while you pack up anything you want to take with you. I didn’t think you took that much with you last time.”

Sosuke nods and turns on his heel, heading for the stairs once more. “Right. Thank you.”

When Sosuke first met Byakuya’s parents, it was not long before the traffic accident that took their lives. He remembers thinking it explained all of the differences between them, how Byakuya could be brazen and confident and firm in his identity, his self and his life, while Sosuke cringed away from thinking about it and wanted to curl up in bed and cry most days. The support had been there from day one. Byakuya was a very small child when he told his father very firmly that he was a boy. Sojun never questioned this.

He thinks it explains a lot of the differences between them. Sometimes, he thinks it’s the reason that Byakuya can never quite seem to wrap his mind around the fact Sosuke is still working on it. He still needs time. Confidence does not come easily and there is always a part of him that will be afraid the moment someone sees him naked, something that kept him from showing Shinji and Gin much of anything. Even the bravada with Renji in Las Noches meant very little considering Renji’s face and shoulders hid almost everything.

Byakuya has so much of this naturally. When the world was cruel to him, he had family and friends there to catch him. Sosuke had himself, and in the end, it was almost not enough. It was almost enough to have ended everything before it could ever truly begin.

So much of the conversation was rooted so deeply in that. Byakuya doesn’t understand, and he wants to be protective, but he’s so jealous of the fact that there might be other men in Sosuke’s life— men he doesn’t like, men he didn’t choose, men he doesn’t agree with— who make him happy as well. Renji was fine, because Renji was Byakuya’s first.

They never had to talk about Shinji and Gin. Byakuya never really liked them either.

_ I’ll be coming by your apartment in just a few minutes. _ Sosuke types the words out onto his phone on auto pilot and sends them to Grimmjow before picking a suitcase out of his closet, trying to ignore the sting of tears in his eyes, the burn of failure in his throat.

What does it mean that he can’t resolve things with his husband like this?

He only checks his phone when he has everything sorted into his suitcase, enough clothes for the weekend, for the last days of the week he needs to work, something to sleep in, clothes for around the house. He has another smaller bag for more illicit items because damn it, emotional or not, he likes having fun with them. The moment he shared with Ulquiorra was flawless. He’s not going to force himself into celibacy over  _ this. _

_ We’re over at Ichigo’s. Bazz says leave your bags in the car. Quiorra’s gone next door to pack us some stuff. You can just come right over. Rukia’s here! _ The text is followed by an image of his daughter sitting in Ichigo’s lap, her face lit up with joy, her arms thrown up in the air while Ichigo appears to be mid-laugh in the background. The sight makes him smile.

He kisses the phone before texting out his quick reply.  _ On the way. I’ll see you soon. _

Renji is waiting for him at the door, and Byakuya is nowhere in sight. “It feels wrong just letting you walk away without a fight. It feels like what I did to them—”

“Don’t,” Sosuke says, as gently as he can, “because it’s not like that. I’m asking for time and space, not just walking away. I feel like this conversation with Byakuya did not go anywhere useful. Besides, you two used to go off together all the time. This is just like that.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Renji shuffles his feet. “C’mere and at least let me give you a hug goodbye.”

Sosuke hugs him, and he feels bad for doing this to him but he needs the space, and he’s been compromising himself so much lately that backing down now feels wrong. “Thank you for trying to look after me. I’ll be seeing you two again soon, don’t worry.”

“Just get some rest. Don’t think about things too hard.” Renji kisses him on the forehead, and Sosuke wants to cry again. “Have fun with them. You really deserve that.”

The ride to the apartment goes by so quickly that Sosuke remembers none of it, and by the time he pulls up in the driveway, he feels so utterly exhausted that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. His saving grace comes in the form of Grimmjow waiting for him on the front porch of his own apartment, the others nowhere in sight. They must be over at Ichigo’s with Rukia, and Sosuke needs to go check on her and reassure her that everything is fine. That he and Byakuya aren’t mad at each other and won’t fight where she can hear it anymore, that he just wants to stay over with his boyfriends.

Grimmjow’s arms are open the moment Sosuke shuts his car door. “Come here, baby.”

He should do a lot of things. Go check on Rukia, thank Bazz for offering to let him stay, apologize to all of them for all of this mess that is so much his own making, so much him choosing to do this again. Instead, all Sosuke can do is run up to the porch and throw himself into Grimmjow’s arms, and he breaks as soon as his face touches Grimmjow’s neck.

“I’m sorry.” It comes out as a gasp and Grimmjow hushes him, combs his fingers through Sosuke’s hair, tugging the elastic out of it to let it fall free down his back, wrapping it around his fingers. “I’ve caused you all so much trouble. There’s been so much fighting.”

When Grimmjow kisses him on the forehead, Sosuke feels it all the way down into his bones, and for a moment the misery gripping his heart loosens its hold. “It’s worth it for you. I’d fight tooth and nail with anyone if it meant we got to have you.”

Why was it so easy for him to say that when Byakuya couldn’t do the same?

“Look at me.” Grimmjow cups his chin and tilts his head up, and Sosuke almost expects a kiss. Shouldn’t be surprised when Grimmjow gives him something better. “I’m sorry, Sosuke. I know this entire situation is hard on you. But I’m not going to walk away from you again. Quiorra and I already agreed on that. We weren’t in a place to try then. Things were messy for all of us and I think the perspective was necessary. But now we’ve got that perspective. We’re not going anywhere. Even if it gets ugly again.”

Sosuke sniffles and nuzzles his face into the front of Grimmjow’s throat, reveling in his closeness, his warmth, the selflessness of that statement. “You can’t know how much those words mean to me right now. How do you always know just what to say?”

“Because I love you.” Grimmjow leans back this time, brushes loose strands of hair from Sosuke’s cheek. “Let it out. Breathe. Then we’ll go see that cute kid of yours.”

He cups Sosuke’s cheek, brushes a tear away with his thumb, and kisses him.

Sosuke wraps a hand around Grimmjow’s wrist, not to pull his hand away but just to hold onto him while he closes his eyes and lets himself be kissed, moves his lips slowly and carefully against Grimmjow’s own. It’s nothing like the first kiss between them but it’s better this way, the tenderness with which Grimmjow holds him and touches him. Sosuke might be the one lacking in confidence right now, might be uncertain and skittish, but Grimmjow is solid and warm and giving him just what he needs to hold it together.

“I love you,” Grimmjow says again, a prayer whispered against his lips.

Eyelashes fluttering at the softness, the sweetness of the words, Sosuke presses himself as close to Grimmjow’s warmth as he can. “I love you, too. So much.”

“Quiorra loves you. So does Bazz.” Grimmjow brushes their noses together, kisses the wet spot on Sosuke’s cheek where the tears are falling. “So much. We’re going to have a little vacation at his place, okay? Just the four of us. Have as much fun as we can, spoil and pamper you like the prince you are. Because we want to do that for you.”

“I won’t object.” Sosuke manages a watery smile; Grimmjow kisses it off of his lips.

It takes a few minutes to wipe the tears away, calm down, and put himself back together so he can go next door to see Rukia. She sees nothing wrong, only launches herself into his arms with a squeal of delight. He sits down on the couch between Ichigo and Ulquiorra and feels comfortable and safe, and he doesn’t miss the way Ulquiorra smiles as he combs his fingers through her soft, fine hair. He’s really trying just like he said he would.

Bazz clears his throat from the floor. “So, are we all gonna go to my place to hang?”

“We are,” Sosuke confirms, and he sees Bazz’s face light up for him. “I’m looking forward to it. You better make it worth my while.”

“Of course.” Bazz winks at him, and Ichigo throws a pillow at his head.

The worst week of his life led to meeting Kuchiki Byakuya, but Sosuke thinks there may be some merit in just how quickly these three men were able to cut off the second worst week of his life before it could ever reach the weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy this sure did happen.


	23. make your decisions without looking back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** some mild homophobia
> 
> **sexual content:** none

The text message comes as soon as Bazz finishes buttoning up the shirt he chose to wear to dinner with Nozarashi tonight.  _ We’re in town, man. You care if we swing by? _

What the fuck does Cang Du mean he’s  _ in town? _ Bazz scoffs at the ridiculousness of the message until he checks his phone calendar and realizes Sternritter’s anniversary date is only about a week away. They usually come to Japan to celebrate because they want Bazz to be involved, and they know how much harder it is to get him to come to Germany than it is for them to just come here. They like the food, anyway, and he thinks something about the atmosphere actually makes As Nodt chill out just a little bit from his strange, creepy little goth ways. It could be a perception thing, but still.

Haschwalth and Bach usually went off to celebrate on their own, leaving the four of them to do their own thing, which was nice of them. Cang Du and As were great; Bazz loves them still, and the drummer who replaced him— Lille— is a cool and chill dude.

They aren’t just  _ in town; _ they thought Bazz would remember the date. “Fuck,” he says aloud, staring at the screen of his phone. What is he supposed to say to this message?

“What is it?” Grimmjow is preparing for a night out as well, though a different one; Tesla finally texted him to arrange a time for their double date. Though all four of them were invited, the time overlapped with Bazz’s dinner date, and Ulquiorra has work to do; the easiest way to make it work was just to send Grimmjow off with Sosuke instead.

“Sternritter is in town. They always come to Japan to celebrate the anniversary with me.” The thought makes Bazz’s stomach tight; even without him as a member of the band, none of them ever forgot about him. None of them ever celebrate without him, as if his presence on nothing more than the first album still means something to them. “Shit. I usually let them stay with me but if I wait, I’ll be late for dinner.”

Grimmjow wrinkles his nose at him. “That fucking sucks. What are you gonna do?”

“I’ll take them in while you’re gone,” Ulquiorra says, and Bazz looks up to see him standing in the doorway, his tablet in hand and not looking at any of them. “Oh also, I’m going to hook my other tablet up to your TV to use it as a monitor. That’s fine, right?”

Bazz nods. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure it’s got a Bluetooth connection on it.”

“Good. I’ll let them in. I’m sure they know where their rooms typically are?” Ulquiorra finally glances up at him, viridian eyes meeting his over the top of the tablet.

“Yeah. They always take the same rooms and it’s not like any of you took a guest room.” It’s half-joke and half-serious because all three of them moved into  _ his _ personal bedroom, which is far better than Bazz could have ever hoped for all things considered.

Something happened with Byakuya, this much he knows. Sosuke never divulged the finer details of the argument between the two of them, and he looked tired each day he came home from work, but he seems in fine enough spirits when the three of them fold around him to take care of him. Depending on how the double date with Tesla and Nnoitra went tonight, Ulquiorra and Grimmjow had every intention of going through on their promise of having a scene with Sosuke; Bazz told them it was fine. He would be taking Yumichika out for drinks after their talk with the band, sure it would go completely fucking awful.

He can just swing by the house and pick up Sternritter to make sure they have the place to themselves. Keeping them out until his boyfriends finish up should be easy work.

Blithely, he wonders if Cang Du is still determined to drink him under the table.

“Are you sure you want to handle an entire band by yourself, Ulquiorra?” Sosuke calls from where he stands in front of the dresser mirror. He has his hair pulled back in an elegant twist, showing off the long, beautiful line of his throat. With the deep violet V-neck tucked into a pair of tight-fitting black jeans and topped off with shiny black leather boots that hit him at the knee, Sosuke looks  _ stunning. _ “Sternritter aren’t as energetic as Nozarashi but they can still give you a run for your money.”

Ulquiorra snorts. “Then the Dom will jump out at them. I’ll be fine. Enjoy your date, and Bazz, enjoy… Hell, I suppose. Sternritter are generally good guys, I hope?”

“They are,” Bazz promises. Things were better with them after he left the group.

“Good. Then everything should be fine.” Ulquiorra looks him up and down, takes in the black slacks and the black button-down and the black boots, and smiles. “Going to a funeral?”

“That’s what it feels like,” he admits honestly, holding his arms out and sighing happily when Ulquiorra steps into them, pressing himself up against Bazz’s chest, wrapping the arm not attached to his tablet around Bazz’s waist. “Please tell me I don’t have to go.”

“You don’t have to go,” Ulquiorra echoes. “You can just quit your band if you really want to.”

Well, _ that _ is certainly an option. Bazz would be lying if he said he wasn’t thinking about it. Leaving Nozarashi has been in the back of his mind for quite some time. “I hope it doesn’t come to that. I’ll gain a reputation for always leaving my bands at important times.”

“You should do whatever you think you have to do.” Ulquiorra pushes himself up onto his toes to kiss Bazz on the jaw, then on the lips, letting that one linger a moment.

“How do I look?” Grimmjow demands, spreading his arms wide. Dark blue t-shirt, light jeans, nice shoes. “I want to make a good impression on Nnoitra for Tesla’s sake.”

Bazz gives him a thumbs up. “You look hot as hell, Grimm, and Sosuke looks fucking gorgeous. You guys are going to be the hottest couple. Tesla doesn’t have a chance.”

“Thank you, darling. You look handsome as well. The all-black suits your hair.” Sosuke walks over to him, sidles up next to him and kisses him on the jaw. “I know it’s going to be difficult to get through this conversation, but I’m proud of you for being willing to sit down and try to make it work even if you’re just doing it for Yumichika’s sake.”

So it’s that obvious, huh? Bazz would have let a lot of shit go before he ever spoke up for himself, but when it came to other people, he could never shut his mouth. “Well, he does a lot for us and I want the others to appreciate him more. And treat him like a person.”

“You have every right to expect that of them. You’re a unit, and you should get along with each other.” Sosuke smiles softly up at him. “Now text back whichever member of Sternritter sent you a message and go meet up with Yumichika before you go.”

“Yeah. Thank you.” Bazz kisses all three of his boyfriends goodbye and answers Cang Du as he thumps down the stairs, making a beeline for the front door and his leather jacket.

He does not want to do this even though it was his idea, which is a delicious irony he knows anyone else would laugh about. After seeing how stressed and tired Sosuke was after his talk with Byakuya, Bazz anticipates something just as bad dealing with Nozarashi. None of them are his significant others, something he  _ never _ thought once about after everything fell through with Haschwalth, but being in a band with them for so long means that it feels like a marriage just the same. The five of them have been through hell and back together, on terrible tour schedules, dealing with scandals, crunching time for albums.

And he remembers how bad it was when Retsu left. How many hours they went over what they wanted, how many singers they auditioned, how stressed they were. Facing down the idea the band itself might fall apart without another singer. Yumichika saved them, and knowing he feels like such shit as a member of the band breaks Bazz’s heart.

He saved them. And they owe him more than their careers for that.

Yumichika is still in his car outside of the bar and grill they chose for this meeting, checking his appearance in a hand-held mirror when Bazz walks up to him. Though he must be completely terrified to do this, he looks perfectly put-together. When he steps out of the car, Bazz whistles. His bright silvery shirt matches the silver glitter of his eyeshadow, tucked into his own black jeans. His boots are black, too, with bright silver buckles.

“You came dressed for when I take you out for drinks after,” Bazz accuses him, and Yumichika laughs and takes the arm Bazz offers him with a thankful smile.

“What can I say? I want to get dicked down tonight if this meeting goes awry.” Yumichika pouts his lips, glossy with a soft, pale pink. “Do you think this is going to go okay?”

Bazz shrugs. What can he say, other than to lie? “I think we’re going to go in there and do our best, but I don’t really know how it’s going to go. I guess we’ll just have to see.”

“If it goes bad, you know I’m going to leave, right?” Yumichika stops him before they reach the door, and now Bazz can see the spark of terror in his eyes, the uncertainty in the way he presses his lips together. “I love Nozarashi. I love singing, but if they’re going to keep treating me like this, then I don’t think I can keep doing this. Not even for you.”

Gently, Bazz pats him on the hand. “If this doesn’t go well, I can’t even be sure that I want to stay with them. Let’s just hope for the best and do what we can to make this work.”

There is a private room in the back of the restaurant reserved for special guests and Bazz called ahead to make sure it was ready; the rest of Nozarashi are already there with drinks, talking amongst themselves when the two of them step inside. Yumichika squeezes his arm tight before letting him go. The table has seats on either side of it; Kenpachi and Ikkaku have taken up one side while Isane sits at the head of the table, so Bazz and Yumichika take the other side of the table. This feels familiar, and he hates it.

Son of a fucking  _ bitch, _ can they never look like a united front? Is that too much for them?

“We already ordered appetizers. I made sure we got what you two like, too,” Isane tells him. “Sorry to take you away from your boys, Bazz. The Instagram post was really cute.”

“Aizen, huh?” Kenpachi asks him, and Bazz starts screaming inside of his head.

“Yeah. What about it?” He finds two beers waiting for them and thanks the heavens for Isane as he takes a sip of it to steel his nerves. He would hope to God his dating life is not going to be an issue, but who knows anymore? “He’s staying at my place for a while. At least through the weekend. So, we should probably get down to the heart of the problem.”

“Which is, I guess, me,” Yumichika says, his voice as bland as possible.

There is an awkward silence that falls across the table at that; Bazz watches Ikkaku shift his gaze down to his own glass, swirling the ice around before he sighs. The waitress comes to drop off their appetizers but Bazz doesn’t touch any of it, not interested in the food just yet even though he knows he needs to eat before he and Yumichika go out. He’ll get wasted otherwise, and he wants to enjoy his weekend with his boyfriends. He doesn’t want to spend half a day trying to get rid of a hangover.

“Everyone should just list out all their problems with me,” Yumichika says as he picks up a piece of fried shrimp, tearing it in half. “I just wanna hear it outright. I know at least two of you hate me pretty openly, so let’s get right to the point.”

“It’s not like we hate you,” Ikkaku says, but Bazz just rolls his eyes and picks up his own piece of shrimp, cramming it into his mouth. “Just, the scandals. There are so many of—”

Yumichika looks up at him. “Half of those scandals are because I’m an openly gay man that has sex. Do you want me to stop having sex? I mean, I can. I can be celibate for this band, but you better be offering something pretty damn tantalizing for me to consider it.”

“No one wants you to go back in the closet,” Ikkaku says, and the slight edge in his voice makes Bazz heave a sigh through his nose.  _ I thought you were getting over it, man. _ “But getting drunk in bars and yelling all sorts of obscene shit and grinding on all these guys, that does make us look… Bad. And it’s not just because you’re gay.”

Bazz nods. “You’re right. If he was a woman, it’d also be a big deal. But no one ever reports on it when one of you two gets drunk and does the same shit, do they, man?”

“That’s fair. When Retsu and I went out together, a lot of reports on that always came out, too,” Isane says, and Bazz can tell she’s trying so damn hard to make this work.

“So we don’t like me getting drunk and having a good time. That’s really unfortunate. What else? You’re mad about me flirting with you, right, Ikkaku?” Yumichika asks cheerfully.

He really did just drop it right in there. Ikkaku sighs. “Look, okay, my reaction to that—”

“I want you to know I wasn’t doing it as a fucking joke, okay? I meant it. It was okay if you turned me down, but acting like I was just trying to mess with your head really upset me.” Yumichika finishes his shrimp, downs half of his beer in one gulp, and Bazz subtly slides the glass away from him. Not so much alcohol, not for now. “I’m sorry for that, though. We were drinking, and it was easier to say drunk. I’m not going to bother you about it again.”

Kenpachi whistles. “Wow, I must’ve missed that. When did that even happen? Last week?”

“We were going over the chords for the new song,” Ikkaku explains, and Kenpachi nods, picking up a bite of crab. “Right, okay, I flipped out and I shouldn’t have done that. It was a bad way to respond. I just, I don’t know. I thought you were joking around.”

Yumichika shakes his head. “Nope. Wasn’t. I haven’t ever done that, have I, Bazz?”

“No. When he says he’ll suck your dick when he’s drunk, he means it.” Just because Bazz had turned the offer down every time, that doesn’t mean he didn’t know a sincere offer when he saw one. “Right, so, the scandals. Look, I get it. Makes the band look bad. But they pull me on those all the time for similar reasons. People are always gonna want to smear us because we have guys who are openly into guys in the band. That’s how it is.”

He still remembers the scandal with Byakuya and Kenpachi, of course, but he keeps that to himself because it would be the opposite of classy to drag that back up again.

“I’m the singer and that makes it worse, I get it, but.” Yumichika shrugs. “What are you going to do when I have a boyfriend? They’ll be reporting on me constantly.”

Kenpachi nods slowly, though Bazz can tell he hasn’t much thought about that. No one ever thinks about the fact that Yumichika might settle down one day. “Right. So. The interviews are another issue. The way you conduct yourself in a lot of them is—”

“You were the one with the last big interview scandal,” Bazz reminds him immediately. “That was on you for making the comment about Starrk. In fact, you ought to be thanking Yum for taking responsibility for it for you. He could have let you burn for it.”

Yumichika shakes his head, and Bazz is happy to see him making a genuine effort to eat. “It’s fine. I didn’t mind. I would totally have said he could bend me over an amp, but to each his own. You all know I can’t  _ be _ Retsu, right? I can only sing her songs.”

The question has the room falling silent once more, and Bazz has to give him credit for just going for it like that. “That’s fair. Guys, you do realize he can’t do that, right?”

“It’s not what we  _ want _ you to be Retsu,” Isane says, picking at her food, her voice much softer than it was the first time she spoke. The mention of Retsu’s name is usually enough to quiet her down, though she never much talks about why. If the two of them had some issue with each other, or if they were especially close, Bazz never noticed. “Just, there was a quality she had that the band is missing now. Maybe it’s unfair to put it off on you, but I think we’re all just trying to figure out where we’re going with her gone.”

“You should have figured that out before you hired me,” Yumichika says shortly.

Kenpachi frowns at him. “Now wait a damn minute. We  _ do _ know what we’re doing as a band. But yeah, Retsu had her shit together. She was dependable. You and Bazz ditch out on interviews at least a third of the time. We started keeping a tally and taking bets on it.”

They were taking  _ bets _ on it? “Man,” Bazz says, “you should’ve just  _ said _ something.”

“Byakuya told you all the time what the schedules were and sent reminders. If you were ignoring him, that’s your issue, not ours,” Ikkaku reminds him, and Bazz winces.  _ Byakuya. _

“Oh, fuck Byakuya,” Yumichika spits out. “I’m tired of being treated like a child. You hired me for this band. You’re just not happy that I’m the same person who auditioned with you years ago. You really did think I’d be different once we were working together.”

Ikkaku shakes his head. “No, we thought you’d be like that. You were nice. You were funny. Now you’re just… Cynical as hell. You drink a whole hell of a lot, too.”

“If I miss interviews, maybe it’s because being around the three of you becomes really fucking unbearable every time one of you has to make a remark about me.” Yumichika reaches for his beer, and Bazz lets him have it. “Remarks about my clothes, my makeup—”

“We have a band image and you  _ never _ even try to fit into it anymore,” Kenpachi says.

Yumichika rolls his eyes. “Wow, a rock band who wears leather. What a great image you guys figured out. Retsu didn’t always fit it. She’d go onstage in silk and satin and—”

“Are you seriously comparing yourself to her after saying you couldn’t be her?” Ikkaku asks him, and Yumichika scowls at him. “Look, yeah, she was different. But it  _ worked _ for her. You just… You look like a pop star all the time and it doesn’t look  _ right _ with us.”

“Fucking Christ,” Bazz says, pinching his nose. “Who  _ cares _ about image? We aren’t a pop band who needs to keep an image put together because we have some kind of concept to convey. We’re a  _ band. _ Sternritter even dropped their main image after like one album—”

Isane clears her throat. “You’re not with them anymore, Bazz. You’re with us now.”

“You think I don’t know that? You guys always gang up on Yumi for the dumbest shit, I swear to God. I’m so tired of this.” Bazz waves the waiter away when he comes to take their order, not ready to deal with that just yet, though he does give the man a polite smile to show he’s okay. “So he drinks and grinds on guys. So there’s some sex rumors. So he has a different image. The fans love him. And yeah, we skip interviews. But does it matter? You guys complain about Yumi’s answers and I’m the drummer. No one asks me shit. If anything, you should be enjoying interviews without us there.”

“It makes the fans think you guys are thinking about leaving the band,” Ikkaku says, and somehow Bazz really doubts that. “I’ve seen the comments and the forums. Hell, we did an autograph session that you two missed, and someone outright  _ asked _ us—”

Yumichika cuts him off. “We missed that because of the weather and you know it. We had no way to get to the venue and you three were close so it didn’t matter. We  _ tried. _ ”

“What do you want out of us?” Bazz asks, wondering when this became more of a  _ them _ issue and not just a Yumichika issue. “Seriously, just tell us what you want from us.”

“We want you to act like you give a shit,” Kenpachi snaps. “We get it. You’re the younger members, you like to have fun, but this band should  _ mean _ something to you.”

Bazz feels his jaw tighten at the words and he closes his eyes, counting back from ten while he feels Yumichika go rigid next to him.  _ Ten, nine… _ They want them to  _ care _ about Nozarashi? Implying they don’t? Bazz has done  _ everything _ for this fucking band and Kenpachi still believes he has the right to say that? When he came to Japan, he filled a role for Nozarashi they would have suffered for without his presence, and he works hard to make things work with them. He busts his  _ ass _ when it comes to being onstage.

“You think I don’t care,” Yumichika says softly, his voice so low and soft and dangerous that Bazz cuts off his counting to look beside him. “You really think I don’t care about this band? That all the hard work on albums and tours is just nothing because I skip a few interviews and I missed an autograph session? Are you being serious right now?”

Isane sighs softly, covering her eyes with her hand. “No, Yumi, that’s not what we mean. It’s just, the image and the interviews and the public relations are important, too. We have to make the fans think we care about them, and when you skip all of these important—”

“Do you all really think that?” Yumichika asks. “Do you think I don’t care enough about the band? Do you think  _ both _ of us don’t work hard enough because of some interviews?”

“Holy shit. We’re like the entire online presence for the band. Like, we have so much interaction with fans on Twitter and Instagram alone that… Oh my God.” Bazz shoves his face into his elbow. He cannot do this. He did  _ not _ expect this to happen.

“Okay.” Yumichika sighs softly. “Just answer me. Do you all really think that we care less because of these things? Because we deserve to know if you really think that about us.”

Kenpachi huffs. “Yeah,” he says, and Bazz squeezes his eyes shut against his own skin. “Look, I get it. You two work hard onstage, but this is part of being in a band together. I know interviews aren’t fun. But just because we don’t like your answers or—”

“Cool.” Yumichika stands, and Bazz swings his head up to see Yumichika smoothing down the front of his shirt, picking up a napkin to wipe off his fingers. “Right, so we’re done here. We were done the minute you said that, but I wanted to make sure you really thought it.”

Isane’s eyes widen in panic. “Where are you going? I thought we were talking this out.”

“And I want to. Believe me. I really do, because I’m tired of feeling like you three hate me for being in this band.” Yumichika takes a deep breath and exhales, and the sound comes out wetter than he probably intends. “But if you think I don’t care… I don’t know what to tell you anymore. I can’t fix that. I put my all into this band. You don’t like the way I do public shit, so I stopped doing it so much. I can’t just  _ not _ be me. So I’m leaving.”

“I don’t want to try to fix this at a later date in time. I’m tired of all the fucking drama and tension. If we don’t fix this tonight, we’re never going to,” Ikkaku protests.

Yumichika just looks at him. “I tried to fix it. But if the issue is  _ me, _ then no, I can’t.”

“Are you leaving… The band?” Isane asks, and her voice goes higher with fear.

_ “Are you leaving the band?” The expression on Cang Du’s face changes instantly, the smile sliding off of his lips as he sits up, his guitar falling right out of his arms. “Wait, man—” _

“I don’t have a choice, do I?” Yumichika’s lips quiver and Bazz stands, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.  _ Be strong, Yumi. _ “You don’t like who I am. You just don’t. The way I dress, the way I act in interviews… That’s me. You’re all yourselves, but you don’t want me to be the same. So like, that’s fine. I just can’t stay if you want me to be someone else.”

_ “I gotta. It’s not gonna work out. Believe me, I’ve gone back and forth about it and I’m so fucking sorry to ditch out on you when we’re about to have our big show.” Bazz wants the earth to swallow him up in one bite, cutting off his thought process so he doesn’t have to think about what he’s doing to them or how much they’re going to suffer without him. _

Kenpachi sighs and runs a hand over his face. “Look, the changes are so small and we can sit down and discuss how to do them. It would be real easy to fake a few interviews here and there, and it’s just clothes. Does it really matter to you what the fuck you’re wearing?”

Yumichika laughs at him. “Do you have  _ any _ fucking idea how pissed my parents were when I started dressing like this when I came out? Yeah, Kenpachi, it does mean a lot to me.”

_ Haschwalth does not quite meet his eyes, fingers running up and down the strings of his guitar. “Right. Well. You have to do what you have to do. We understand that.” _

“You know what?” Bazz squeezes Yumichika’s shoulders, pulling him in against his side. “If it’s really something like that, then I get it. You gotta leave the band. If that’s the choice you think you need to make to be happy, then absolutely. You should leave Nozarashi.”

“Thank you.” Yumichika smiles softly up at him. “You’ve always been a good friend to me, Bazz. And I’m sorry. I know you guys need a singer, but I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t even want to think about going to tour and dealing with all of this.”

Bazz takes a deep breath and exhales. “No, I get it. In fact, you know what? I’m leaving with you. Because fuck it. This isn’t making me happy anymore.”

_ “We’re going to miss you, you know. You were more than just a great drummer. You’re our friend.” As’s voice, already soft, is impossibly softer. It sounds like petting the belly of a newborn kitten. “But if it’s going to make you happy, then that’s what you should do.” _

“What?” Ikkaku sits up immediately. “Wait a minute, you’re  _ both _ going to leave?”

“Yeah. I decided that if things weren’t going to work out and Yumi had to leave, then this band isn’t what I want it to be anymore.” Bazz nudges Yumichika’s hip toward the door and Yumichika nods, sliding down the length of the table. “So we’re going. I’ve left a band before. This isn’t really anything new to me, and I’ve been thinking about leaving for a while now. You guys act shitty and Byakuya treats me like a goddamn child. I’m done.”

And that was  _ before _ he started dating Byakuya’s husband at the same time.

Yumichika looks up at him for just a moment. “You sure about this? You walk out and it’s probably really over for both of us. I’ve cut my losses. You gonna cut yours?”

“I’m fine with that.” Bazz has money; he can pay the fee to get out of his contract no matter how much it is, and he doubts Shino Entertainment will want to make too big of a deal about it considering how it would be a public relations nightmare. Shit, that means more work for Sosuke. Oh, well. Bazz can write up an official release and give it to him. “I told you I had your back, and I fucking meant it. Now, let’s get the hell out of here.”

He ignores Kenpachi calling out his name behind him, keeping an arm around Yumichika’s shoulders as he steers him out of the bar without looking back. When he walked away from Sternritter, Bazz decided if he ever did it again, there would be no regrets. He’s been thinking about it anyway. Thinking about it this much probably means something.

As soon as they step out into the warm night air, Yumichika laughs and twirls around, his arms stretched over his head. “I feel  _ so _ much better now, Bazz. Thank you so much.”

“No problem. I feel better, too.” Bazz holds out his hands, and Yumichika takes them, their fingers lacing together as he squeezes Yumichika’s hands. “Let’s get the hell out of here and find a bar and get some drinks. We fucking deserve it after that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well!


	24. a revelation but it comes pretty late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** none

“Do you really think it was fine of us to leave Sternritter to Ulquiorra and let Bazz go off to deal with Nozarashi?” The question leaves Grimmjow’s lips before he can stop himself, though he keeps his eyes fixed on the road in front of him. “I feel like we’re making a mistake just… Not being there for them. I know I promised Tesla, but like—”

Sosuke cuts him off, his voice soft with fondness. “Grimmjow, Ulquiorra is a grown man. I’m certain he can handle entertaining a few guests until we all come home. And Bazz needs to do this no matter what. It’s something that we can’t do for him.”

“I know that. I mean, I know Quiorra. I know he can handle his shit. I just… Worry because things are so. You know.” Grimmjow waves a hand vaguely to illustrate his point.

This time, Sosuke laughs. “Things are complicated? You’re right about that. It’s been a very long week for all of us. At the very beginning of the week, we weren’t together. And now… This. But in a way, I think it’s fine. I’d rather get all of the hardest parts out of the way as soon as possible rather than deal with them later on down the road. It’s what happened last time, and it ended up being too much for us to get through together.”

Grimmjow nods; he has to admit the truth of that. Maybe if they had the more difficult talks at the very beginning of things rather than when everything had become serious and their feelings were on the line, the situation would have been different. At the very least, maybe they would have stayed with Sosuke rather than walked away. Grimmjow doesn’t know for sure, and there is no way to change the past, but he still feels that underlying current of unease that comes from standing on the precipice of what feels like a fight waiting to happen. The last time they danced this close to disaster, they fell.

He knows he needs to have faith in their bond, of course. The situation truly is different this time. Sosuke was their strength then, their rock and the center of their relationship; he brought Grimmjow and Ulquiorra in, and it was through him that they ever considered having a relationship with Byakuya and Renji. But that balance was no longer the same.

_ It’s better this way, _ Grimmjow thinks.  _ Quiorra said it himself after one of his sessions. There should never have been a single person standing at the center. It should have been all of us together, and now that it is, we might actually be able to make this work. _

“What’s Tesla like?” Sosuke asks him. “I know you two work together, but you didn’t talk much about work when we were together until the Starrk situation happened.”

“Work’s work. There’s not much to say about it. It’s just gym training and it’s honestly not that exciting in the first place.” Grimmjow shrugs a shoulder. “But Tesla’s a good guy. He started a couple years after I did. He’s real… Plain-looking? So he’s not intimidating to new people who want a personal trainer. Even the muscle doesn’t put them off because he’s got that kind of nice, normal guy face that people feel like they can trust.”

“Ah. I know a few people that elicit similar responses in Las Noches,” Sosuke murmurs.

Grimmjow can see that. He wonders why he picked the creepiest looking fucker in the entire club when he could have gone with someone much more approachable. “He’s a sweet guy, though. Like it’s not just skin-deep, it’s very much a real thing with him.”

“And you two are work friends?” Sosuke hums. “I see. What have you heard about the partner, then? Anything exciting? Or anything I might need to know ahead of time?”

Since he promised to tell ahead of time, Grimmjow clears his throat. “Yeah. Nnoitra’s non-binary and uses they and them as pronouns, and I promised I’d make sure all of you knew that before meeting them so they don’t gotta worry about it. And like, they’re seven feet tall? But don’t stare, because staring makes them really uncomfortable.”

“Another member of my community.” The comment has Grimmjow tilting his head minutely so he can see Sosuke’s face and the thoughtful expression on it, his gaze somewhat distant before he smiles and shakes his head. “That’ll be nice, actually.”

Grimmjow grins at him. “Yeah? Good. Tesla will be thrilled, I’m sure, because he just wants this to work out so bad. He’s pretty sure that Nnoitra is supposed to be his soulmate.”

Sosuke’s hand lands on his thigh. “I understand that feeling very well.”

_ Oh? _ Grimmjow looks at him during a red light, but Sosuke only smiles and turns his face toward the window, unwilling to unveil his secrets for the time being. Just the same, Grimmjow feels a funny pull in his gut at the thought that Sosuke views them as being so valuable for him. And Grimmjow has been thinking a lot about it, too. How can he not? Hell, he’d been waiting on the doorstep for Sosuke to come home the minute he realized that he’d likely be coming back to them in tears if he came back after all.

He didn’t want Rukia to see Sosuke like that. More to the point, Grimmjow never wants to see him cry like that again. Not over Byakuya. Not over another petty argument that led to nowhere except for Sosuke seeking refuse in someone else rather than his own husband.

“Is that why you trust Ulquiorra enough to let him Dom you tonight?” Grimmjow asks.

The silence that answers him makes him tense but then Sosuke looks at him, his eyes bright. “Yes. It’s an experience I believe I can trust him with. Trust  _ both _ of you with since I know you’re going to be in the room with us. I know you’ll take care of me.”

“I promised, didn’t I?” Grimmjow has a second, so he takes Sosuke’s hand in his own and kisses it, squeezes his fingers gently. “We aren’t going to let anything happen to you.”

“The light’s green,” Sosuke tells him, and Grimmjow turns back to the road. “For what it’s worth, I do consider myself a switch instead of a true Dom, much like Shinji does. But much like Shinji, who submits because there are few subs who bring out his Dominant side, I Dominate because there are few Doms who bring out my submissive side.”

Grimmjow nods, thinking it makes sense to him. Ulquiorra submitted to Sosuke and Byakuya both, after all, but he’s been perfectly comfortable as a Dom when it comes to Grimmjow and Bazz in comparison. He’d even been fully in form when speaking to Ichigo. “So why hasn’t Byakuya ever done that? I figured he’d be the one you trusted the most.”

“He’s too stern for my liking, too commanding. It works for others, but not for me.” The slight shift in Sosuke’s tone has Grimmjow wishing he never asked. “Ulquiorra is different, and I want to see if we’re compatible. It may not work, but I still want to try it.”

“Well, I’ll do my best to help as much as I can,” Grimmjow says. “Oh, I think we’re here.”

The restaurant is not one Grimmjow has ever tried before, but it was Nnoitra’s favorite and so he had no objections when Tesla called to ask if it was all right if they came here. He can see Tesla now, his back against the outside of the building and his phone in hand. When Grimmjow pulls up and parks, he gives the horn a little honk, snorting when Tesla jumps and nearly drops his phone. He’s unsurprised when Tesla flips him off.

Sosuke shakes his head. “Grimmjow, honestly, he didn’t even hear us pull up.”

“But now he knows we’re here. C’mon, it’s the first time he’s ever met you in person and I want to see his face,” Grimmjow says, already climbing out of the car.

His mother raised him to be a gentleman, so he comes around to Sosuke’s side of the car and opens the door for him, stepping back just to preen at the sight of him. He’s  _ gorgeous _ and he is so important to Grimmjow, and the way he smiles when Grimmjow offers him his arm makes it feel like the entire inside of his chest has been lit up with sunlight. When he turns to lead Sosuke up to Tesla, he’s pleased at the way Tesla’s eye widens, his mouth falling open just a little before he straightens up to offer his hand to Sosuke.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. Grimmjow’s told me a lot about you,” he says, giving Sosuke’s hand a firm shake. “Pictures really don’t do you justice, though. You’re very handsome.”

“Thank you. I hope he’s told you only the good things,” Sosuke says with a small smile.

Tesla cocks his head, looking thoughtful. “Do the whips and chains count as a good thing?”

“Tesla!” Grimmjow grabs him by the shoulder, propelling him to the door. “Let’s go in!”

Thankfully, the restaurant is not very crowded, and Tesla leads them over to their booth where Nnoitra Gilga appears to be waiting for them, phone in hand. Their fingers fly over the screen with a speed that Grimmjow envies, long and slender and delicate enough that he thinks holding their hand too tightly might cause them serious pain. Even their wrists are slim, adorned with silver bangles that jingle softly when they move.

“Nnoitra!” Tesla calls out their name softly just before they reach the table, and Grimmjow watches Nnoitra set their phone down. “Sorry to leave you waiting, darling.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t care to wait inside.” Nnoitra has an interesting voice, a hint of a rasp on some of their words, certainly unique. Grimmjow has never heard a voice like theirs before.

He watches as Tesla sidles up next to the booth, his arm slipping around surprisingly broad shoulders as he leans down to press a kiss to Nnoitra’s cheek. Even sitting down, Nnoitra is tall, and Grimmjow can see their legs under the table, just how  _ much _ leg they have. All the long black hair he’d seen on Tesla’s phone is tied up in an elegant and complicated knot, and when they tilt their head to look around at all of them, Grimmjow can see the sharpness of their face; a pointed chin, high cheekbones, and now he knows why he’d only been able to see one of their eyes, something he tried not to think about at the time.

The other is hidden under a patch. Which means, like Tesla, Nnoitra may only have the one eye. Huh. It’s not exactly unusual to meet a person with only one eye, but still.

But the patch is pretty, a soft-looking dark blue velvet, and it hides pretty well under the hair, so Grimmjow gives it little thought now that he sees it. The other eye is a pretty, soft lavender around the pupil. Nnoitra really is as stunning as Tesla thinks they are.

“Grimmjow, Sosuke, this is Nnoitra Gilga, the love of my life.” Tesla says this without a moment of hesitation, which means he’s either made Nnoitra very aware of how serious his affections are or Nnoitra is accustomed to his puppy love by now. “Nnoitra, this is Grimmjow Jaegerjaques. I work with him. And this is his boyfriend, Aizen Sosuke.”

“Nice to meet you both.” Nnoitra shakes Sosuke’s hand and rolls their eye when Grimmjow decides to chance kissing the back of their hand, though the high blush that spreads across their cheekbones and the bridge of their nose makes him think it’s not entirely an unwanted gesture. “Oh, a  _ gentleman. _ Tesla said the ladies love you out there.”

Grinning, Grimmjow stands back so Sosuke can slip into the booth before he sits down next to him. “You could say that. We don’t all have model great looks to rely on, though.”

Nnoitra clicks their tongue at him. “Your ego as fat as your head? Because this is gonna be an unbearable dinner if it is. Tesla, would you sit fucking down? People are staring.”

“Oh! Sorry.” Tesla slips into the booth next to them, looking a little flushed but not all that embarrassed, not really. “And be nice. They don’t know about your sense of humor.”

“Nel said you were one of the meanest people she’d ever met but that it worked for you,” Grimmjow says, watching that slender, dark brow arch at his words.

When they cackle, the sound makes his skin prickle. It’s seriously almost threatening. “Well, well, I didn’t know I’d left any kind of good impression on her when we met. Good to know I did. Yeah, I just tell people what’s on my mind. Easier to be direct about things.”

“Not a bad approach to take at life,” Sosuke says, and Grimmjow wonders if he’s talking about Byakuya or about himself, or about both of them together. “I imagine it’s probably just a skill you have to pick up when your very existence is a challenge to society itself.”

Nnoitra startles at the words then narrows their eye, leaning across the table, all threatening intimidation that pings several of Grimmjow’s internal warning alarms all at once while Sosuke only smiles placidly into their face. “S’that supposed to mean, exactly?”

“I’m a transgender man, Nnoitra. Our situations aren’t exactly the same and I assume it’s much more difficult when you use something other than the accepted two sets of pronouns but I do understand a bit of the struggle.” Sosuke’s smile widens slightly and Nnoitra leans back in their seat, looking mollified as they pick up their glass of water and take a tentative sip of it. “You have to grow a thick skin if you’re just going to survive.”

To this, Nnoitra nods. “That’s true. And Grimmjow, what the  _ fuck _ are you talking about looks? You look… Fine, I guess, I mean. I’m not really into meatheads like you.”

“You. You’re dating  _ him, _ ” Grimmjow says, pointing at Tesla, who just mutely points to himself in return, his brow furrowed. “He has the exact same job I do and he can bench almost as much as I can. He can bench  _ you. _ What do you mean you don’t date—”

Nnoitra cuts him off, winding an impressively long arm around Tesla’s shoulders, leaning in closer to him. “This? Is not a meathead. He’s a human puppy dog. He’ll follow you around and bring you presents and tell you how  _ pretty _ you are. He’s not a meathead.”

“I’m not sure if that’s meant to be a compliment or not,” Tesla announces before he sets a hand on Nnoitra’s forearm, squeezing it gently. “But thank you. Oh, the waitress is coming.”

They order drinks and appetizers and Nnoitra turns their attention back to Sosuke, asking him a few questions that Grimmjow understands on a passing level but could never discern their deeper meaning. In so far as all of them are a member of the community at large, there are simply some experiences Grimmjow will never have, and it means that he doesn’t really share the same knowledge the two of them do. Still, it’s nice to see them having an open and honest conversation about it while he just gets distracted looking at Sosuke’s lips and wondering what Ulquiorra is planning from his extensive list of notes.

Yeah, Grimmjow has seen the notes. Ulquiorra showed him the notes, and then maybe Grimmjow took a shower and frustratedly rubbed one out in the shower thinking about it.

Now, he realizes belatedly, is probably not the time nor place to be thinking about it.

The waitress delivers their appetizers and Nnoitra snaps up a harumaki without any hesitation between long, delicate fingers. “So that pretty much fucked up my plans and I had to start all over again. I didn’t even  _ want _ my parents to know. I wanted to just… Go somewhere, get everything changed, and then live my life. And never go back home.”

“I can understand that,” Sosuke says, and Grimmjow realizes he’s never asked about Sosuke’s parents. He knows Ulquiorra’s parents, and vice versa.

When he first brought Ulquiorra home to meet his parents for the first time, introducing him as his serious boyfriend that he wanted to move in with, his mother took to Ulquiorra immediately. She crooned over him, shoved food into his hands any moment he was idle, and in general asked every single question she could muster about his life and his general well-being. When his father took Ulquiorra upstairs to show him the attic he’d been renovating, Grimmjow’s mother took him aside and very seriously took his hands in hers and told him that she hoped he and Ulquiorra stayed together for the rest of their lives.

Shit. How is he supposed to explain to her what’s going on this time?

“It’s almost too bad because Tesla’s  _ exactly _ the kind of soft-spoken, polite guy my mom would have fawned over.” Nnoitra scoffs and rolls their eye, but Tesla only preens.

Grimmjow clears his throat, not intent on staying out of the conversation. “Tesla, do your parents know yet? I know you always talked about being close with your dad.”

“They know. We’re going to visit them when I have the time. I want them to know about Nnoitra.” Tesla takes Nnoitra’s hand and kisses their fingers, rubs his thumb over their knuckles while Nnoitra coughs politely and looks down at their food. “‘Sides, even if they didn’t approve, I’d just tell them to fuck off to their faces. They don’t get a say.”

“You say that but you, like, have a  _ good _ relationship with your parents. You don’t want to lose that,” Nnoitra says, and their voice sounds distant, hesitant, and overall unhappy.

Tesla looks Grimmjow straight in the eye. “Hey, if your parents told you to break up with Sosuke because they didn’t like you dating him, what would you tell them?”

“To fuck off.” There’s no hesitation; Grimmjow told himself a long time ago that the only one allowed to make decisions for his life was him, and that his parents might have good intentions but allowing them to make decisions for him would be a disaster. Only he knows what is best for him. “Like, they wouldn’t, for what it’s worth. They’re good about that. But if for some reason they did, well… It’s not up to them. It’s only up to me.”

“It’s good to hear you say that,” Sosuke muses, and Grimmjow picks up a bite of fried tofu and offers it to him. He’s not entirely expecting Sosuke to take it  _ with his teeth. _

Nnoitra looks thoughtful at that, then picks up another harumaki. “Well. Okay. It’s your funeral, Tesla. Don’t expect me to be on my best behavior ‘cause that’s a waste of time.”

“Believe me when I say my mother is going to love you just the way you are,” Tesla says.

The conversation bounces back and forth once their actual food comes. Sosuke talks a bit about work and a lot about music in general, given that he works with so many bands; Nnoitra perks up at that. They  _ want _ to play music but with the dead-end retail job they currently sport to pay the bills, there just isn’t enough time to find a group and be able to commit to them outside of their hectic work schedule. Distantly, Grimmjow wonders if it’s too late to sneak his Sternritter albums out of hiding and ask to have them signed or if that would be some weird betrayal of Bazz. Should he ask Bazz to sign the first one?

And how inappropriate would it be to tell Juha Bach that he loves the sound of his voice? He should definitely not do that where anyone could possibly overhear.

“Like, they’re okay,” Nnoitra says, and Grimmjow tunes back into the conversation as he picks up some noodles with his chopsticks. “I’ve been to a gig or two. Mostly because Tesla is friends with Nel now and she’s told him not to come, which means we had to go.”

“She was very unhappy to see us there,” Tesla confirms, and Grimmjow smiles at that.

Nnoitra nods absently. “Yeah, so like… Her guitar work is amazing. But like the band itself is just, like, fine? I don’t think there’s anything particular special about them. Like, they’ll make it, I think. They got good talk on tour, right? But like… They’re not  _ special. _ ”

“Zabimaru?” Grimmjow asks, and Nnoitra gives him a look which clearly means  _ weren’t you listening to me? _ “I’ve seen them play a gig once, I thought they were pretty good.”

“But like, pretty good.” Nnoitra gestures with their hands; they tend to talk with a lot of their body, Grimmjow notices. It’s kinda cute. “Not like, awe-inspiring. You’re dating a member of Nozarashi, right, you know what I mean. Their two singers’ voices are, like, jaw-dropping. Can you honestly say you  _ don’t _ remember the first time you heard them?”

Grimmjow pretty well remembers the first time he heard Unohana Retsu’s voice. He bought the first two albums the same day and listened to them until he’d memorized every single word, including the German ones. “Yeah, I remember. I remember thinking I’d probably die inside if Yumichika wasn’t at least as good as Restu. Luckily—”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m not asking for your music opinions.” Nnoitra waves a hand that’s meant to tell him to shut up. “Anyway, I just don’t think Zabimaru have that spark? So they’ll probably get signed and sell well but they’ll be one of those bands that, like, no one really talks about much. But now, when  _ Nel _ sings, I think it’s really special.”

“And it pains them to have to give Nel a compliment,” Tesla adds dryly.

Nnoitra groans. “Look, okay, we  _ don’t _ get along perfectly but she’s okay. Anyway, her voi—”

“How do you  _ not _ get along with Nel?” Grimmjow asks, and Nnoitra falls back against the booth, clapping a hand over their eyes and looking physically pained. “She’s great. She’s so charming and funny and kind. Like, I miss working with her on the regular.”

Peeking through their fingers, Nnoitra spits out, “Are you done interrupting me now?”

“You interrupted me first,” Grimmjow says, and Nnoitra sneers at him.

“Anyway, as I was saying.” They wave their chopsticks through the air before picking up a piece of beef with them. “I think her voice is special. I think the  _ emotion _ is spectacular. Not that I don’t think the guy singing is good, he’s fine, but like. He’s  _ normal, _ I guess.”

“That’s an interesting interpretation of things. I hadn’t thought of looking at it through such a scope before,” Sosuke muses, and Grimmjow wonders what it must be like listening to someone talk about your boyfriend like this and not be able to say much about it. After all, Nnoitra isn’t attacking Renji’s character. They’re just talking about his voice.

Nnoitra chews, swallows, takes a sip of their drink before speaking again. “If you like rock music, you have to get used to men singing, really. Unless you specifically hunt out girl-fronted bands. So like, the redheaded guy isn’t a bad singer. He’s just not unusual. Mostly I think what makes Yumichika unusual isn’t just his voice, it’s like… The theatrics of it all. The clothes and the personality and the performance.”

“Now that is something I can agree with,” Grimmjow says. He  _ loves _ Yumichika’s onstage persona so much because he just has a way of making everything so much fun.

“I totally asked for your opinion, you got me there.” Nnoitra flicks a piece of ice at him and Grimmjow bats it away, unsurprised at this point that they did it in the first place.

Tesla shakes his head. “I thought Renji was pretty great, but that’s just my opinion. Do we want dessert? You can watch me disgustingly feed dessert to Nnoitra.”

“Dessert sounds lovely,” Sosuke says. “Grimmjow? Would you care for something sweet?”

Grimmjow nods without even thinking about it. “Oh yeah. And I want to take embarrassing pictures of Nnoitra being hand fed like a pet so I can use them as blackmail.”

“Jaegerjaques, I’ll rip your balls off and feed them to you if you want,” Nnoitra says, entirely conversational. “You want something sweet? We’ll have them bring cream to the table. Or chocolate syrup depending on which one you prefer.”

They order dessert and Tesla makes good on his promise to feed it to Nnoitra, and Grimmjow receives a nasty kick in the shin the moment he raises his phone to try to take a picture of it. Next to him, Sosuke checks his phone once, then frowns at the screen and shakes his head. When Grimmjow takes his hand, not even asking, Sosuke leans in close to make sure the words are only shared between the two of them. It works out because Tesla and Nnoitra are too busy paying attention to only each other right now.

“That was from Renji,” he says, and Grimmjow nods slowly. “He just wanted to let me know that they were going to take Rukia to see Byakuya’s grandfather while I’m gone.”

Slowly, Grimmjow nods. “Okay. You not happy about them making that choice without you?”

“I’m not overly fond of Byakuya’s grandfather. I just suppose I didn’t want to think about the man right now.” Sosuke kisses the corner of his mouth, and Grimmjow can smell the berry sweetness on his breath. “Thank you for taking me out. It’s only a brief annoyance rather than something that can ruin my night. Besides, tonight is for us.”

Grimmjow turns his head all the way, catching Sosuke under the chin, pressing a kiss to his soft lips. “Absolutely. I want you to be as happy and comfortable as possible so that you’ll be in a good space once we get home. Bazz promised to stay out until we were done.”

“I know. What a marvel.” Sosuke winks at him. “I can’t wait to show you my submission.”

Tesla and Nnoitra notice not a damn thing, Tesla doing his best to try to  _ lick _ whipped cream off of Nnoitra’s lips while Nnoitra wants to just use a napkin instead. They compromise and kiss, and Grimmjow sneaks a picture of that and tucks it away for safekeeping. It’s nice, though, to see Tesla genuinely smiling about romance for a change.

“You’re a sap,” Nnoitra informs him, wiping their mouth off with the napkin after all. “I don’t know how you can be such a sap when you’ve had such a shit love life before me.”

“Don’t care as long as it means I get to kiss you now.” Tesla beams up at him, licking the trace of cream off of his own lips, and Grimmjow thinks,  _ here’s to that. _

They all tip the waitress and head out of the restaurant, Nnoitra pausing just at the door and sneering. “Fan fucking tastic, it’s started to rain, and you know how I just  _ love _ rain.”

“Here.” Tesla shrugs out of his jacket and offers it to Nnoitra, who just looks at him. “You can at least use the hood, right? Better than nothing. ‘Sides, I like rain. I’m fine.”

“Dumbass. If you catch a cold, I’m gonna have to come over and make soup and take care of you.” But they don’t sound too unhappy at the prospect, and they do take the jacket.

The rain is at least light enough that the walk to the car isn’t unbearable, but Grimmjow finds himself distracted when Sosuke stops and slips his hands up into his hair, tugging the elastic band and the pins free so that his hair spills down his back. While Grimmjow watches, he holds his arms out and tips his face up into the rain, eyes closed. So he leans against the side of the car and waits for him, a soft smile tugging at his lips.

Finally, Sosuke looks at him and holds out a hand. “Come here to me, please.”

“You good?” Grimmjow takes his hand, letting Sosuke pull him closer, his other hand moving to Sosuke’s waist as if by muscle memory at this point. “Seriously, are you okay?”

“He said Nnoitra was his soulmate.” Sosuke leans into him and Grimmjow wraps Sosuke up in his arms, thinking he must be cold just standing in the rain like this. “I keep thinking about that. I used to think Byakuya was my soulmate when we first started dating. I’d known him for a while then, but it felt like we just clicked. But now…”

“Now?” Grimmjow asks, not sure what he’s asking. Not sure if he  _ should _ be asking.

Sosuke shrugs, cups a hand around the back of Grimmjow’s neck. “I kept asking myself especially in the last few years why things were so hard. Did you know that you’ve said so many of the things I’ve always wanted to hear? Without me even telling you that?”

“No. I didn’t.” He’s a little dizzy, truth be told. “How long have you two had issues?”

“Long enough. I should have thought about it harder when it started rather than thinking we would just get through it. If we were soulmates, everything would work out if we just kept trying harder.” Sosuke shakes his head, and when he looks at Grimmjow once more, his eyes are intense. “But that’s what… That’s what Monday night was for us, wasn’t it? We wanted to be together, so we worked through it. We talked things out. We’re trying. And you two were so wonderful with Rukia when you finally met her. I didn’t anticipate that.”

Grimmjow was pretty fucking surprised to see Ulquiorra handling Rukia so well, too, to be quite honest. “Well, she’s important to you. So we should make it work. I’m not gonna tell you how to do marriage ‘cause I’m not married, but like… Not compromise. But cooperation is pretty essential, I think, to every relationship. Not about giving up something for each other but finding a way to make each other happy is the most important part.”

“You’re right. And I don’t think that’s been happening in my marriage. I think I’ve compromised far too much.” Sosuke kisses him, a soft and brief kiss. “Let’s go back to Bazz’s. I don’t think there’s any place I want to be more than at Ulquiorra’s feet.”

“Are you sure you’re still in a good place mentally for it?” Ulquiorra had given Grimmjow a simple task before leaving; don’t let Sosuke walk into this if he wasn’t doing well, or if something happened on the date. There was no way to know what would happen during the scene itself, if Sosuke would respond positively, if things would work out. That was why Grimmjow was going to be in the room to make sure everything was going well.

Sosuke smiles sweetly at him. “I’m feeling better right now than I have in a long time. I’m in the perfect mindset. I finally understand something I didn’t before.”

“Okay.” Grimmjow kisses him again, sighing softly when Sosuke leans into him, their mouths moving together slowly. It’s almost sensual, the way Sosuke kisses him, the subtle brush of tongue every so often. “Let’s get you home, then. I know Quiorra’s eager to get started.”

If he’s telling the truth, so is he. He knows what the mental rush of submission is like. He knows how good it felt to kneel before Ulquiorra, to follow his commands, to please him to reap the rewards— Not just physical pleasure but the keen sense that Ulquiorra was happy with him, was satisfied with his course of action. And if that’s what Sosuke wants right now, then Grimmjow wants to get him home and watch over him and make sure he gets exactly what he wants and needs the most right now. And he wants this.

Grimmjow damn sure wants to watch it, too. He’s sure the show is going to be beautiful.

They get back into the car, damp with rain, and he holds Sosuke’s hand on the drive home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i wrote and rewrote this chapter at least 4 times before coming out with a version that i ended up liking. the contrast is, at least, i like this version a lot, and i had a lot of fun writing nnoitra's banter.
> 
> i mostly didn't mean to disappear on updating for as long as i did even though i know you guys are patient and would have waited as long as you needed to (you're all great, i love you). something happened on the weekend through monday night that pretty much ruined the whole weekend for me, and i didn't realize the emotional impact and drain was going to carry over as much as it did. so i just kind of shut down after it reached a peak and played bleach brave souls (y'all i got that long-haired aizen and that anniversary white-haired ulquiorra) and argued with this chapter and how it needed to be written until i finally sat down, deleted everything, and wrote this.
> 
> which influenced this decision: everything else needs to wait until this is done. i have things i want to write for bleach birthdays and the shiro fic still, but everything is going on the back burner until reflection is done. this work is more important to me than anything else, and i want to finish it. when it's done, i'll move on to finish another WIP and work on more one-shots and spin-off material. but reflection is what is most important to me right now, so it's going to be my primary and only writing focus. after it's completion, we'll talk other things.
> 
> the next chapter will quite literally be sosuke's submission. i've been waiting to write it for a long time. i hope you all thoroughly enjoy it. and though i know my byakuya bullying is hard to read for some of you, i'm glad to see people understanding how everything has devolved into what it is and how he's in the wrong.


	25. love and trust go hand in hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** bdsm, bondage, sensory deprivation, praise kink, vibrators, edging and orgasm denial, explicit sex, blowjobs

Meeting his boyfriend’s ex-bandmates is not something Ulquiorra thought he would be doing alone in Bazz’s house by any means. Ushering everyone out of the house was still a necessity, of course, but Ulquiorra finds himself nervous just the same as he calibrates Bazz’s TV coloring to better match his laptop and tablet and sits down to work nervously on a few logos as he waits for them to show up. When the knock comes at the door, he takes a deep breath and goes to answer, not sure what he should be expecting.

“Hey, man, we’re— Oh.” The man standing in front of him is taller than him—  _ most people are, _ Ulquiorra reminds himself— and looks broody. Choppy black hair, hood pulled up over it, dark eyes. “Uh, we’re at the right house, aren’t we? This is definitely Bazz’s house?”

Ulquiorra nods and steps back. “Yeah. I’m his boyfriend. He texted you, didn’t he?”

The man blinks at him, then straightens up. “Oh! Yeah, he totally did and I already forgot. You’re Ulquiorra, then? Am I pronouncing it right? You’ve got a pretty name.”

“Yes. I’m him. Please come in.” Ulquiorra counts heads as they step inside, checks outside to make sure when he only counts four instead of five, and shuts the door. “Aren’t there supposed to be five of you? I thought there were you four, and Bazz was replaced.”

The black-haired man nods. “Yeah. I’m Cang Du, by the way. There are five of us, but Lille couldn’t make the trip. His spouse is pregnant so he’s not leaving the country.”

“That’s fair. I suppose that makes sense. Well.” Ulquiorra folds his hands neatly in front of himself and wonders what in God’s name he was thinking when he agreed to this. “I’m Ulquiorra Cifer, officially. I’m one of Bazz’s boyfriends. He had to have a meeting with his current band, Nozarashi, so I said I’d let you all in until he gets back.”

“One of.” The speaker is much smaller than Cang Du— shorter than Ulquiorra even, somehow, which seems ludicrous— and peeks at him from underneath a long spill of inky black hair that seems almost perfectly straight. His eyes are wide and dark and oddly beautiful and Ulquiorra refuses to let his gaze linger on the scarring around the pale lips. “Does that mean Bazz has more than one boyfriend? How interesting.”

“One of three,” Ulquiorra confirms, and his gaze slides to Jugram Haschwalth silently.

When Bazz told him about what happened with Haschwalth, Ulquiorra sat down and looked the man up, unable to deny how curious he was about him. There were older photos of him and Bazz online together, too. Not just concert photographs or those taken from dual interview pieces, but old photos posted to social media just as flashback pieces. They looked good together. They looked  _ happy _ together in the old photos the most, but they never looked anything less than like two models standing side-by-side. They could be the characters from an offbeat romance about a socialite and a punk.

Haschwalth is a beautiful man with strong shoulders and a flawless face, his honey gold hair drawn back into a ponytail that only seems to emphasize all the lines of his face. His eyes are a pale summer green that Ulquiorra would kill to have in a marker shade.

“We should probably go around and introduce ourselves then,” Haschwalth says, and his voice is soft but deep. Very soothing, very ASMR. “I’m Jugram Haschwalth. You’ve been introduced to Cang Du now. My partner is Juha Bach, and Cang Du’s is As Nodt.”

“Partner… You’re couples?” Ulquiorra knew about Haschwalth and Bach, but it feels like a better idea to play dumb and not suggest Bazz talked about the relationship at all.

He could let on that he knows about Haschwalth and Bazz, that Haschwalth chose Bach over Bazz and it led to Bazz leaving the band, but it would make things awkward between the two of them if not downright tense. After all, Ulquiorra knows things are often more complicated than they appear to be, and if Bazz was fine with them coming to his house, he must have made his own version of peace with it. At any rate, it isn’t Ulquiorra’s place to question it, and it definitely is not his place to cause drama.

Cang Du beams at him, wraps an arm around As’s shoulders and pulls the smaller man right up against his side. “Yeah, we are. I didn’t even realize Bazz had more than one boyfriend. Or the one boyfriend. But it’s hard to stay in touch with the timezone issue.”

“Understandable. Oh, everyone please sit down. Don’t mind the TV, I was just working.” He should have taken the logos down, for the love of Christ. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

As is already walking toward the kitchen, waving a hand behind him. “There is no reason to be so overly polite. We’ve been here a dozen times before so we know where everything is. Really, just sit down and relax. If Bazz is dating you, you must be special.”

That comment makes Ulquiorra’s face warm, but he drops back into the chair he was occupying and nods. “All right. Sorry. This is just new for me.”

“Of course.” Haschwalth makes sure Bach sits down before he himself does, and he does so elegantly, folding one leg over the other and resting his hands on his knee. “We usually ask him ahead of time if he’s free, but he’s been astoundingly hard to get ahold of lately.”

That makes sense; Bazz has been under a lot of pressure lately in his work life alone, and Ulquiorra has no way to know the extent of how he felt about wanting a relationship with Ulquiorra and Grimmjow in the first place. He’d sounded off enough during that one phone call to set up the Shunko weekend that Ulquiorra knew something was wrong. Of course, he might have just been avoiding Sternritter entirely for unrelated reasons.

“We’ve all been busy lately,” Ulquiorra says. “So, couples. Does that make touring fun?”

“It makes it a very interesting situation.” As has returned to the living room, handing out drinks before setting a can in front of Ulquiorra identical to the currently-empty one on the table. “Sorry, I scoped out your drink on the table on my way to the kitchen.”

“Oh, it’s fine. Thank you.” He needed another drink anyone. “Interesting situation?”

As sits down on the loveseat next to Cang Du, who immediately shifts closer to him, and As picks up one of Cang Du’s arms to lay over his shoulders. He’s just the right size to fit under his arm comfortably. It’s  _ cute, _ to Ulquiorra’s distress. “If you ever need space from your partner for any reason, it can be hard when you have to be roped back together by the end of the night. We usually spend our days off apart just for some fresh air.”

“That must be difficult. I didn’t think of that, but Grimmjow works at a gym and I work at home, and that doesn’t count errands, so we have a fair amount of alone time.” And Ulquiorra absolutely needs alone time. It helps him get through his work faster.

“It’s not so bad,” Haschwalth says, “but we found our ways to work with it. How did you meet Bazz? I see you appear to do logo work on the screen. Did you do the logos on his drumsticks? I saw them when he released them. The logo is very well-done.”

“Oh, thank you. We met through his manager and PR agent. My fiance, Grimmjow, is a fan, so they arranged us meeting them for his sake.” It feels strange and stilted to describe it like this, but no one seems overly surprised at his words, or confused, so maybe this is more normal than Ulquiorra is giving it credit for being. “He employed me after that, and then we became friends through those interactions. And then… It happened.”

Cang Du chuckles softly. “That sounds like Bazz. He’s a friendly guy and if he likes someone, he tries to make the friendship happy. But that’s like… A sweet meet-cute, I guess? Meet him because your— Did you just say fiance? Did I hear that right?”

“Yes. I’m engaged.” Ulquiorra raises his hand so the ring is visible. “He knew that when we started dating, though. He’s… My fiance is also one of his boyfriends.”

“How intriguing,” Haschwalth murmurs, though he doesn’t say  _ why _ he finds it intriguing.

Ulquiorra nods, telling himself to remain calm as he cracks open the soda and takes a sip of it. “The PR agent is the other boyfriend. Grimmjow and I met Sosuke at a nightclub, and he introduced us to Nozarashi, which is how we met Bazz. Long story, but a happy ending.”

At this, As visibly perks up. “ _ Aizen _ Sosuke? It must be, you said PR agent for Nozarashi. Ah, I’m glad that worked out. He told me he was interested in him, but it was messy.”

“Messy is one way of putting it,” Ulquiorra says lightly.

Cang Du frowns, turns to look at As. “Wait, Bazz told you about this? He didn’t tell  _ me. _ What a traitor. But I guess that explains the puppy dog looks when we’d all group up to talk about things or we’d do video chats or whatever the fuck was necessary. Of course Bazz had a thing for him. I should have seen that coming from the very beginning.”

“From what I understand and was told, he’s had feelings for Sosuke for a long time,” Ulquiorra agrees, relieved that someone else had seen it, too. At least Bazz hadn’t suffered in silence at the very least. “I’m glad things have worked out.”

“It’s good to know he’s happy now because he wasn’t very happy when he chose to leave the band and when we’ve checked up on him, he’s been… Various stages of miserable.” Bach, as it turns out, has the richest and deepest voice Ulquiorra has ever heard. He’d known the man had a unique singing voice but holy  _ shit, _ even his speaking voice is beautiful.

It must have been hard to  _ not _ feel inferior next to a handsome man with a nice voice.

As rolls his eyes. “I wonder what might have caused that,” he says, and Ulquiorra chokes slightly on his drink. “It’s fine, Ulquiorra. We all know the finer details now. Sometimes, getting your guitarist drunk is all you need to do to get him to open up about the truth.”

“I didn’t want to make it seem as if I knew if I wasn’t supposed to,” Ulquiorra murmurs.

Haschwalth has the grace to flush slightly. “I’m not proud of how childishly I acted, nor am I proud of dragging him into my problems in such a way. So it makes me extremely glad to know he’s moved on through the issues I no doubt caused him through my actions to find happiness. I’m sorry if me being here is making this awkward for you, though.”

“No. I’m a lot more relieved to know it’s fine that I know, though.” Ulquiorra can physically feel his shoulders loosen. “I knew you two were dating, but I didn’t want to bring it up.”

“There’s tension. I understand. You’re a better man than most. Someone else would have rightfully rubbed it in my face that I was a shit person back then.” Haschwalth sips his own drink, though he looks thoughtful. Ulquiorra appreciates him being self-aware.

Not that long ago, it was Ulquiorra’s lack of a true choice that caused trouble for not only himself, but those closest to him. “That you recognize that now is good, though. Means you’re far less likely to make a mistake of that magnitude in the future, right?”

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,” As says, his very soft voice lending it a strange solemnity. “We’ve been learning from that mistake, though.”

Ulquiorra hopes to God he’s doing a good job at being a host, but it seems not very likely given the course of the conversation. “So, you’re all here to celebrate your anniversary?”

“Officially, yes.” Haschwalth clears his throat. “Unofficially, Cang Du and As came to ask Bazz a question. This anniversary is going to be our last as a band.”

_ What the fuck? _ “I’m afraid I’m already having difficulty following the conversation.”

“I have certain health problems that make touring difficult,” Bach says, and Ulquiorra winces.  _ You shouldn’t have even pushed the topic. _ “Living is fine. My quality of life is still high, but touring is difficult, and I usually spend weeks after recovering from it. My doctor has officially advised that it’s not necessarily to my benefit to continue on.”

Haschwalth’s hand flutters out to rest on Bach’s thigh, a gentle weight, a reassurance. “I take care of him on tour, and that helps, but there’s only so much that can be done.”

“Is it fatal?” Ulquiorra can’t help but ask, flinching a moment later at how fast it came out.

Cang Du barks laughter. “God, your fucking face when you realized what you said. No, it’s not fatal. It’s just like, what, mild genetic muscle weakness and fatigue?”

Bach nods and at least looks relatively unbothered by the turn of conversation, which has once again become negative.  _ Yikes. _ “Yes. It’s not impossible to live with. In fact, it’s very easy to mitigate, and my quality of life is high, as I’ve said. Jugram helps the best he can. Touring makes it worse and it’s just not something I feel like I can do comfortably anymore. And I want to prioritize my health and happiness. Unfortunately, I have to leave Sternritter in order to do so. We had to sit down and talk about it.”

“And I’m leaving because I want to stay with him and make sure he’s taken care of.” Haschwalth squeezes Bach’s thigh, and Ulquiorra… May not really want to admit it, but he can see the soft way Haschwalth looks at Bach. He  _ loves _ him, and he means it.

As speaks up. “We were going to ask Bazz if he wanted to assist us in forming another band since we know he’s not happy in Nozarashi. Of course, the plan was to ask him how things with them were going, and if he said they were bad, then we’d offer. If he said they worked things out and was happy, we wouldn’t bother him with the question.”

Ulquiorra opens his mouth to reply, then shuts it again.  _ Start a new band together? _ How would they do that, when Bazz is based in Japan now? Would they move? Would Bazz? The thought of not seeing him again is disquieting, but Ulquiorra doubts he would just up and leave the life he has here. He wouldn’t up and leave  _ them. _ He promised, and Ulquiorra knows he can trust in Bazz to keep all of his promises. He won’t just walk away.

“Well, I can’t say what he’d want to do,” Ulquiorra finally says. “I guess you’ll find out.”

They make small talk until Bazz breezes into the house without warning; Ulquiorra can’t even remember hearing a car pull up, but he knows expensive cars can be quiet. “Sorry to keep everyone waiting, but we’re going out drinking. I promised Ulquiorra the house.”

“Celebrating?” Cang Du springs to his feet instantly. “How’d things go with your band?”

Bazz takes a slow, deep breath and then throws his arms wide open. “What fucking band? I quit. We both quit. Fuck Nozarashi. Fuck being treated like less than a person.”

“So it’s over,” Ulquiorra says, and Bazz nods, puffing his chest out at him, perfectly proud of himself. Ulquiorra is, too. “I’m glad. Go have fun with your friends tonight.”

“I will.” Bazz walks up to him and pulls him up out of his chair, planting a kiss squarely on his lips without warning, though Ulquiorra leans into it gratefully, hands spread across his chest. He can feel the steady thump of Bazz’s heart against his palm. “Thank you. For everything. For being you. For teaching me what it was to have the strength to tell people to fuck off for the way they treated you. You’re amazing and I hope you have a good night, and also I love you. I will not wake you up when I come home, I swear.”

Ulquiorra giggles and pecks him on the lips. “Okay. Be good and have fun. I love you, too.”

“You hear that?” Bazz picks him up off of his feet and Ulquiorra scrabbles to grab his shoulders. “He said he loved me! Ulquiorra Cifer just said he loved me.”

As rolls his eyes. “Of course he did, you big oaf. Now let’s go drink and talk about drama.”

“Yumichika’s with me. He quit, too, so be nice.” Bazz sets Ulquiorra down on his feet and kisses him once more. “I love you, baby. Let’s have a great weekend after this.”

The party files out and Ulquiorra drops down in his chair, thinking far too hard about what Bazz is going to say when his former bandmates ask him to join a new band with them. Does he want to? Has he planned for quitting? Ulquiorra cleans up the living room, which basically just requires picking up empty soda cans, and wonders about what it would be like to live in Germany when he’s lived in Japan his whole life. Maybe he can start learning the language just in case, and it might be a nice surprise for Bazz anyway.

But he won’t leave without them. He will  _ not _ leave them. Bazz knows him, knows all of his insecurities and fears, and would never agree to doing anything like that without sitting down and talking to all of them first. If the situation with Byakuya has taught them all anything, it’s that they absolutely  _ need _ to communicate with each other.

By the time Grimmjow and Sosuke come home, Ulquiorra is ready to receive them. He’s confident in their relationship with Bazz and with each other. There’s no reason to worry.

The two of them walk into the house damp with rain and laughing, and Ulquiorra smiles at the sight of them. “It looks like the date went well. Did it start raining?”

“It was a great date,” Sosuke confirms, slipping off his shoes before walking over to Ulquiorra’s chair and then promptly climbing into his lap without hesitation, straddling his thighs, setting his arms around Ulquiorra’s neck. “And it’s been raining since right before we left the restaurant at least. I hope dealing with Sternritter wasn’t so bad?”

“They were nice men. I didn’t mind at all.” Ulquiorra settles his hands on Sosuke’s hips, looking up at him. Hair loose and a little tousled, lips bitten red, cheeks slightly flushed. “You’re excited, aren’t you? I can see it written all over your face, Sosuke.”

He picks up every small movement when Sosuke nods, shifting on his lap. “Yes, Sir.”

The title coming from Sosuke sends a hot bolt straight down to Ulquiorra’s cock, and he hopes it doesn’t show too plainly on his face how much that affected him. “Ah, I see.”

“It was a fantastic date,” Grimmjow adds, and Ulquiorra is glad to hear it. “He said himself that there’s no place he’d rather be than kneeling at your feet right now.”

The thought is not an unattractive one, and the way Sosuke almost bounces a little on his lap is endearing. Gently, Ulquiorra stretches a hand up, tucking a damp lock of hair behind Sosuke’s ear, following the shape of it to the line of his jaw before cupping his warm cheek. The way he nuzzles into the contact says more than enough, his eyes never leaving Ulquiorra’s own. There’s something sweet and pliant about him like this.

“I prepared the bedroom the moment you all left so I’d be ready when you came home.” Ulquiorra presses his thumb against Sosuke’s lower lip, pulling it down just enough to press down against his tongue. Warm and wet, and it curls around Ulquiorra’s thumb. “You’re eager, sub. I can see it in your eyes. Are you ready to please me this evening?”

“Yes, Sir.” Sosuke’s teeth scrape over his skin, and Ulquiorra feels himself shudder.

Slipping into the role is easy, all the easier with someone so eager and willing warm and playful in his lap. “Then let’s go upstairs to the bedroom and you can undress for me.”

Dutifully, Grimmjow follows them up the stairs, shutting off lights as he goes. The lamps on either side of Bazz’s ridiculously large bed are set to dim to give the room a soft, golden glow that Ulquiorra can see by, but nothing so bright and unwelcoming that it would ruin the mood. Because Bazz has money, he has the money to afford as much space as he wants, and his bedroom is no different. Ulquiorra has a pillow waiting on the floor in the massive space between the bed and the closet, a series of toys laid out on the dresser.

Sosuke eyes them for a moment before turning to him, bowing his head. “Sir?”

“The door, Grimmjow.” When Grimmjow shuts the door, Ulquiorra clears his throat. “Undress, sub, and kneel on the pillow. I’m going to put your hair back up for you, but first, I need to put my phone on silent and set it to charge. Fold your clothes as well.”

Grimmjow takes a seat in the chair in the corner, hauled in this afternoon at Ulquiorra’s request from the room down the hall. Bazz has a lot of rooms and not much to do with any of them, so one of them serves as essentially just a room to sit and talk in, one he never much uses, and he was happy enough to get to show off how strong he is by carrying the piece of furniture into the room. It’s a silent, parallel mimic of the first night Grimmjow submitted to Sosuke, something Ulquiorra wants to remind him of.

He silences his phone and sets it on the dock to charge before turning back around to watch Sosuke finish undressing, tugging his briefs over the curve of his ass and stepping out of them. Naked, he’s flawless. And when he kneels, it’s with the graceful poise Ulquiorra has come to expect from him, thighs spread wide, back straight, eyes fixed on the floor as he takes slow, deep breaths. The picture of submission.

“Beautiful, sub.” Ulquiorra picks up the hairbrush from the dresser, along with a plain black elastic, and walks up behind Sosuke. “I’m going to brush your hair and put it up now.”

Sosuke nods once; Ulquiorra hopes he likes the attention, the pampering. “Yes, Sir.”

“I told myself I would be prepared when it was time.” Ulquiorra is careful, methodical as he runs the brush through the ends of Sosuke’s hair, then the midsection, watching with satisfaction as the chestnut strands gleam in the golden light. “But I was not prepared for the sight of you on your knees after all. I’m going to make the most of it.”

“I’ll be good for you, Sir,” Sosuke murmurs, and Ulquiorra’s cock twitches in answer.

He winds the long strands of hair around his fingers and kisses them. “I know you will, sub.”

When Sosuke’s hair has been brushed silky soft and shiny, Ulquiorra ties it back into a ponytail, the tips of his fingers tracing over the nape of Sosuke’s neck before he returns the brush to the dresser. He can visibly see how excited Sosuke is just from this small contact alone, his lidded eyes and hands trembling where they wait on his thighs, palms up.

“You make a lovely picture.” Ulquiorra slips a finger under his chin. “Look up at me.”

Slowly, Sosuke raises his head, his eyes meeting Ulquiorra’s. They’re soft and hazy but intent on him, and Ulquiorra rewards him for the obedience by petting a hand down the side of his face, all softness and not the least bit of rough to upset him in any way.

“What are the safewords that we use and what do they signify?” Ulquiorra asks him.

“Red, yellow, and green. Red means a cease of all activity. Yellow means a pause in the activity. Green means the activity can continue.” Sosuke recites all of this perfectly even as he presses his cheek into Ulquiorra’s palm.

“Good boy.” Ulquiorra crouches down in front of him and cups his chin, making sure that Sosuke’s eyes are still on him. “I want you to trust me, sub, with your body and your mind and your safety tonight. But if there is ever a moment where you need to breathe, or we need to stop, do not hesitate to use your safewords. Your safety and happiness are important to me, and nothing would please me more than ensuring them.”

Sosuke’s eyes gleam, and the sight takes Ulquiorra’s breath away. “I understand, Sir.”

“Good.” Ulquiorra kisses him, savoring the softness of his lips, how sweetly they yield against his own, before he stands once more. “I’m going to bind your wrists and restrict your vision. Do you have any objections that I need to hear?”

“No, Sir.” Sosuke wets his lips. “I am comfortable with both.”

Ulquiorra lets himself stroke Sosuke’s cheek once more before moving to pick up the length of soft black cotton rope and the black silk blindfold he set aside just for this purpose. With steady and sure hands, he ties the blindfold in place, ensuring that Sosuke’s eyes are covered, admiring the shape of it against his skin. Then he kneels behind him, drawing his wrists back so he can tie them together, quick shibari knots that he knows will not leave marks, the knot work delicate and beautiful. Just what Sosuke deserves.

He knows how hard it must be to trust him with this, and he wants to succeed. He wants Sosuke to know he can trust Ulquiorra with anything, that this is no different than trusting him with his heart. “How does that feel, sub? Are you comfortable with this?”

“Yes, Sir,” Sosuke answers promptly. “The rope is not tight enough to hurt me.”

“Very good.” Ulquiorra presses his chest against Sosuke’s back, laying a gentle kiss on his shoulder as his hand slips around Sosuke’s hip and down, fingers sifting through the soft curls of his pubic hair and lower still to where he’s warmer and wetter. He can feel the hard length of his clitoris, damp beneath his fingers. “Were you aroused before I started to tie you up? Was the drive here and thinking of this moment enough to arouse you?”

Sosuke’s breath is soft and shuddering, but he does not move. Does not so much as rock his hips into Ulquiorra’s probing fingers. “The car ride, Sir. I was excited to come home and submit to you, and my imagination ran away with the idea.”

“I hope I can live up to your wild fantasies.” Ulquiorra dares to slip his fingers in a little further back, tracing just the edge of Sosuke’s entrance where he’s wettest. “And if you’re good for me, I’ll reward you handsomely for it.”

“My reward is your pleasure, Sir,” Sosuke murmurs, and Ulquiorra closes his eyes.

When he leaves another kiss on Sosuke’s shoulder, he lets just a flicker of tongue compliment it. “You already please me, sub. Having you like this is perfect.”

When just the tip of his finger slips inside, Sosuke gasps softly. “Thank you, Sir.”

Ulquiorra knows how responsive Sosuke can be when aroused, but this is a new level to explore. “Of course. Grimmjow, bring me the first object in the line now.”

Though Ulquiorra knows firsthand how delicious pain can be, how the right sting or slap can excite the situation further rather than causing true agony, he decided against pain the moment he started structuring the scene in his head. If Sosuke wants it in the future, they can discuss it. But tonight… Ulquiorra cannot bring himself to the idea. Sosuke has been hurting so much that adding to that in any way seems a form of torture, and Ulquiorra wants only to bring him pleasure. To take him away from his thoughts tonight.

He stands as Grimmjow brings the vibrator to him, giving Sosuke an appreciative up-down before returning to his seat. After all, he was told specifically that he could not touch.

“Do you know what I admire about you, sub?” Ulquiorra slots the device into his pocket, rests his hands on Sosuke’s shoulders, kneading the muscles there. They yield and soften under his touch, and Sosuke sighs softly as he presses up into Ulquiorra’s hands.

After a moment of silence, Sosuke shakes his head. “I do not know what you are referencing in particular, Sir. You’ll have to enlighten me.”

“There are many things, that is true,” Ulquiorra agrees, massaging Sosuke’s shoulders and the back of his neck, watching him relax further. “So many. I don’t think I could put all of them into words. Your grace, your poise. You have a great level of self-control.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Sosuke’s voice quivers just slightly with emotion. Ulquiorra can hear it.

He presses his thumbs against the nape of Sosuke’s neck. “I am only stating the facts.”

Part of his plan includes showering Sosuke with as much praise as he can manage, making sure that he knows just how much Ulquiorra values him and cares about him, how many of his qualities are positive ones. He deserves to feel safe and secure in this relationship, and even something as simple as saying the right words can change how someone feels.

Ulquiorra keeps a hand on Sosuke’s shoulder as he walks around to stand in front of him, drawing an invisible design across his collarbone. “I want to test that self-control. I’m going to edge you. You will be allowed to orgasm when I am satisfied that I know the extent of your control. Come without permission, and I will have to punish you.”

“Of course, Sir.” Sosuke wets his lips again, pants softly; Ulquiorra admires him like this, bound and naked, thighs spread obscenely wide. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

“Just my fingers to start with, and because I want to touch you.” Ulquiorra kneels in front of him, strokes his hands up the insides of Sosuke’s thighs, brushing over the hair there, stroking along the soft insides where he can feel the muscles jumping. “I’m selfish. I want to see the evidence of just how wet you are when I’ve done hardly anything at all.”

Sosuke moans softly and Ulquiorra savors the sound. “My body is yours to explore, Sir.”

There are advantages to having Sosuke on his knees; his labia are petaled open like this, soft and pink and swollen, damp beneath Ulquiorra’s fingertips. He strokes them, following the delicate curve back to where Sosuke is wet and forward once more, avoiding the hard swell of his clit. He’s achingly soft here and it makes Ulquiorra remember eating him out, stroking all of this soft and welcoming flesh with his lips and tongue until Sosuke shook.

He strokes a fingertip along the length of Sosuke’s clit to the slightly swollen tip. “You’re hard for me, too, sub. I’m very fortunate to have such a responsive partner.”

“Of course, Sir.” Sosuke swallows hard. Ulquiorra can see the way his throat bobs.

So he does that again, a barely there ghost of a touch. “I’ll wring every sound out of you tonight until I’m certain I’ve seen and heard every response you could ever give me.”

When his fingers are substantially slick from Sosuke’s own arousal, he strokes Sosuke’s clit, catching it between his thumb and finger, listening to the soft little sighs that drift from those beautiful soft lips. It’s not entirely different from touching a cock, so Ulquiorra takes just as much care, watching the way Sosuke’s chest flushes hot and blotchy and uneven. His hips remain still but his thighs twitch every so often, involuntary responses even as he keeps otherwise flawless control over his body.

Aizen Sosuke is apparently perfect. Ulquiorra really should not be surprised by this.

He keeps his fingers on Sosuke’s clit and slides his other hand between his thighs, teasing a finger against the edge of his entrance. The muscle softens under his touch and he slides a finger in easily, taking in how tight and slick Sosuke is and yet how soft, soaking wet. But he’s loose enough like this that Ulquiorra can easily fuck him open, rubbing the pad of his finger against the nerves just inside, listening to the little punched out groan he gets.

“I could make you come just like this, sub.” Ulquiorra twists his hand, letting Sosuke feel the way that makes his finger move inside of him, curling it just a little, teasing him open further. “You’re so responsive for me, so perfect. You’d come undone with so little.”

“Only if you gave me permission, Sir,” Sosuke reminds him, and Ulquiorra kisses him for it.

Two fingers is enough to have Sosuke gasping against his lips, and Ulquiorra tastes the sweet sound of his pleasure, licking it from behind his teeth and sucking it off of his tongue. Three has him openly keening, but he remains so perfectly still, head tilted back while Ulquiorra nuzzles into his throat. He can feel Sosuke’s walls fluttering around his fingers as he trusts them in deeper, rubbing all along the front of his vagina. He can feel the throb in his clit, slick and hot between his fingers.

“Not yet, my love.” Slowly, Ulquiorra withdraws his fingers, staying close to Sosuke’s ear so he can hear Ulquiorra licking his fingers clean. There’s a salty-sweet tang and Ulquiorra likes the taste of it enough that it’s tempting to call this all off and dive down between his thighs once more, let Sosuke properly sit on his face while he goes down on him.

Sosuke whines softly when Ulquiorra purposefully makes an obscene noise. “Oh, Sir—”

“You taste marvelous.” Ulquiorra wipes his spit-slick fingers dry on his jeans, then palms Sosuke’s mound, pubic hair tickling his skin. “It pains me not to have my tongue in you.”

“Perhaps later?” Sosuke suggests, though Ulquiorra can sense the plea in his words.

He kisses the corner of Sosuke’s mouth. “Be good for me, sub. And perhaps later.”

With that settled, Ulquiorra removes the vibrator from his pocket, the battery carefully charged so that he would be able to use it. He doesn’t turn it on just yet, tracing the blunt edge of it across Sosuke’s collarbone, down his sternum, trailing it over one brown nipple. Only then does he give the switch a flick to its lowest setting, startling a gasp from his submissive in the process, watching his body jerk in surprise at the sensation.

“Do you like that, sub?” Ulquiorra asks, tracing the vibrator over Sosuke’s nipple and watching it harden in fascination. “I want to use this on you until you’re quivering in need for me. It’ll feel wonderful between your thighs. I’ve already tested it out for you.”

As it turned out, there was a reason there were so many anonymous and amateur BDSM videos floating on Twitter of a man in briefs being hopelessly teased by a wand vibrator.

Sosuke trembles, possibly from the visual image Ulquiorra is offering him, possibly from the promise of how it will feel between his legs. “Oh, please, Sir. It feels so good.”

“I love listening to you beg.” Ulquiorra presses his thumb against the pebbled nipple, rubbing it in slow, focused little circles until Sosuke arches into his touch. When he touches the vibrator to Sosuke’s other nipple, the arch deepens. “You’re very flexible.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Sosuke manages a soft little cry when Ulquiorra licks over his nipple.

Ulquiorra chuckles softly, licks over Sosuke’s nipple again before giving it a gentle tug with his teeth. “I want you to know something, sub. I was inspired the night we took Bazz out with us. That’s where my idea for using this specific implement came from. Do you know why I chose it to use on you? Can you guess what feature intrigued me?”

“The—” Sosuke jolts when Ulquiorra sucks his nipple hard, palming up his thigh to soothe him and remind him to be still. “The settings, Sir? There are typically more than one.”

“Very good.” Ulquiorra lets the vibrator trail down his belly, watching him tremble as Ulquiorra traces it over the small scar on his abdomen. He’d hurt and worked so hard to get where he is today, and Ulquiorra has to commend him for everything he was willing to go through to achieve the quality of life he wanted. “And I’m going to use them all.”

He runs his tongue over the vibrating end of the wand, admiring the spit-slicked surface of it before anchoring a hand to Sosuke’s hip and trailing it along the edge of his labia. There’s an automatic sharp inhale, Sosuke’s thighs opening wider for him, the slight quiver working its way through his frame a beautiful sight. Ulquiorra never thought he’d seen this handsome, powerful man trembling for him like this, his body firmly in Ulquiorra’s hands, but he appreciates all the small signs, all the little reactions.

“You’re going to leave a puddle on the pillow if you get much wetter,” Ulquiorra muses, carefully avoiding touching his clitoris with the wand.  _ Not quite yet, _ he thinks.

“I’ll lick it clean, Sir,” Sosuke mewls, and Ulquiorra can see his shoulders shifting, as if he’s moving his hands within the bonds of the rope, struggling to stay still.

Ulquiorra brings his lips close to Sosuke’s ear, scrapes his teeth over the lube and sucks on it. “Maybe I want to do that instead, sub. But thank you for the lovely offer. Now, I want you to focus on not coming for me. I’m going to make it very hard for you. Color?”

“Green, Sir.” Sosuke whispers, trembling when Ulquiorra kisses just under his ear.

With that, Ulquiorra flexes his fingers to adjust his grip on the wand and presses the head of it where Sosuke wants it the most, not with too much pressure. Not to hurt him. But enough for him to feel it, running just the edge of it along the length of his clit, listening to the soft little pleading noises that rise up in his throat. He knows how intense the lowest level can feel at first, and he’d been much kinder to himself than Sosuke. Hadn’t worked himself up with his own fingers first and then tried to do this.

Ulquiorra can see how flushed and wet he is, slick and hot. The wand makes his thighs quiver and his breath come in uneven little whining noises, his head falling back, the beautiful arch of his throat on full display. Ulquiorra watches his reactions, watches the flush on his chest deepen, watches his hips shift restlessly, his thighs twitching and shaking. When he can tell Sosuke’s close, he takes the vibrator away.

Sosuke makes a soft, frustrated noise in his throat. “Sir? Can I have a drink?”

“Grimmjow.” Ulquiorra doesn’t need to give him a command for Grimmjow to stand and retrieve the bottle of water setting on the dresser. It’s still cool, the perspiration slippering against Ulquiorra’s fingers as he opens it and presses the rim of it to Sosuke’s lips. He’s careful, only giving him a few sips. “How are you doing, sub?”

“Well, Sir.” Sosuke licks his lips, looking entirely too debauched for his own good.

Ulquiorra sets the bottle down within reach, smoothing his fingers along the cool, damp surface of it before touching his fingers to Sosuke’s labia, spreading that coolness along his skin. Sosuke whines and squirms but does nothing to move away from his touch.

“Breathe for me. We don’t want you over-heating just yet.” Ulquiorra dips a finger inside of him to see how wet he is now, noting how there’s nearly no resistance. “Are you ready for the next level, sub? This particular model has three total.”

“Yes, Sir.” Sosuke does his best to remain still, and Ulquiorra gives him a brief kiss for it.

He sucks the taste of Sosuke off of his finger and presses the wand between his thighs once more, giving the switch a flick to move it to its medium setting. The vibrations are immediately louder and Sosuke mewls for him again, his back arching, his thighs straining as he seems to teeter between leaning into it and leaning away. Again, Ulquiorra grips his hip to hold him in place, pressing the vibrator a little harder against his flesh. This time he trails it further back, over where he can imagine Sosuke’s entrance clenching tight around nothing in reaction, slick and wanting. It makes him feel too hard in his jeans.

He watches, hypnotized, as Sosuke rocks his hips toward the wand, gasping,  _ moaning. _

“Don’t come, sub,” Ulquiorra reminds him, the hand on his hip shifting to grip his thigh, smudging the wetness on his thigh into his skin. “Not just yet. One more level to go.”

“Yes, Sir, I remember. I can count.” Sosuke’s breath hitches, as if he’d just caught the smartness in his own voice only after the words left his throat.

Against his will, Ulquiorra laughs softly, his forehead pressing against Sosuke’s shoulder. “Talkative, hmm? I’ll have to make sure to reduce you to nothing but sounds.”

He remembers Shinji telling him that Sosuke might mouth off but it’s  _ cute _ and Ulquiorra doesn’t want to punish him. He doesn’t want to take that aspect of him away.

“I’m eager to see you try, Sir,” Sosuke murmurs, and Ulquiorra steals a kiss.

He gives Sosuke no warning before turning the wand on its highest setting and he tastes the startled little cry on Sosuke’s lips, watches him writhe wildly as the unexpected sensation ruins his center of control and balance. But still, he doesn’t come. Ulquiorra can see him straining away from it, his thighs and hips tense, his head thrown back, his chest heaving and slick with sweat. He’s so  _ beautiful _ and he might never be able to see himself like this, so Ulquiorra will make sure that he knows every damned day of his life.

“You’re a vision.” Ulquiorra rubs the wand along his clit, listening to the sweet noises that choke out of his throat, spilling over his tongue. “You must be so close, Sosuke.”

“Yes, Sir.” Sosuke squirms on his knees, loose strands of hair curling against his cheeks, sticking to his skin with seat. He’s flushed hot and wet and Ulquiorra wants to pin him down and fuck him now, but not yet. Not just yet. Just a little longer.

When he can see Sosuke shaking violently and on the verge of orgasm, he finally shuts the vibrator off and sets it aside, wrapping Sosuke’s hair around his fingers, yanking his head back so he can kiss him. The kiss is frantic on Sosuke’s side, lips and tongue moving against Ulquiorra’s desperately as if to convey just how desperate he is, how needy, how eager he is to please. Ulquiorra cups a hand over his mound, fingers smoothing through the curls there, damp with sweat and slick, dragging between his labia.

“Do you want to come, sub?” Ulquiorra asks, pleased when Sosuke nods frantically. “I want you to suck Grimmjow’s cock. If you do a good job and make him come, then I’ll do make sure you come for me. As many times as you want and can. Does that sound fair to you?”

“Yes, Sir.” Sosuke licks his lips. “A drink, Sir? My mouth is a little dry.”

“Of course.” Ulquiorra retrieves the bottle of water and waves Grimmjow over to them.

They’d talked about this, too, that Ulquiorra would decide if Sosuke could handle Grimmjow being involved at all, but he hadn’t been bothered at the prospect of having him in the room and seems more excited than anything else. So Ulquiorra moves behind him once more once he’s finished drinking, pressing his chest against Sosuke’s back, slipping a hand between their bodies, tangling his fingers with Sosuke’s still-bound ones. His free arm curls around Sosuke’s waist, an anchor and a reminder that he’s right here with him.

“Don’t,” Ulquiorra says when Grimmjow reaches for his zipper. “Sub, use your teeth.”

Sosuke leans forward obediently, nuzzles into Grimmjow’s crotch before he finds the zipper and tugs it down, pops the button with a neat twist of his head. The soft little inhale of breath from Grimmjow makes Ulquiorra smile even before he reaches forward, yanking the jeans down Grimmjow’s thighs, helping to pull his cock out of his boxers. And within seconds, Sosuke is on him, running the soft velvety warmth of his tongue along Grimmjow’s shaft and over the head, slicking him with ease.

“Fuck, baby.” Grimmjow rests a hand on top of his head, choking when Sosuke takes the head between his lips. Ulquiorra can hear the wet, filthy sound of the suck. “ _ Fuck. _ ”

“Is he good?” Ulquiorra rolls his fingers over Sosuke’s clit, pressing his cock against Sosuke’s ass as he imagines the wet, soft suction. “Tell him how good his mouth feels.”

“So fucking soft and wet, Sosuke.” Grimmjow pets a hand down his face and Ulquiorra hums, kissing the nape of Sosuke’s neck. “Your mouth feels like heaven.”

As if goaded by the praise, Sosuke swallows half of Grimmjow’s cock down, the wet slurping sounds obscene and lewd in the quiet of the room. Ulquiorra keeps his head twisted to the side to avoid being headbutted in the face and watches him, watches his swollen flushed lips glide along the shaft of Grimmjow’s cock. It takes a little effort but he manages to take Grimmjow all the way down, nose brushing against the bright shock of blue of his pubic hair, cheeks hollowing as he sucks and swallows.

To his credit, Grimmjow moans and grunts and swears, pets Sosuke’s face and croons down at him when Sosuke’s oral skills aren’t decimating his ability to speak. Despite the tease of Ulquiorra’s fingers, Sosuke remains resolute in his task, lapping along Grimmjow’s shaft before swallowing back down once more. And when he takes him down his throat and swallows rhythmically, Grimmjow groans. Ulquiorra can see him tense in orgasm.

“Good boy,” Grimmjow manages to choke out, and Ulquiorra grins up at him, teasing his fingers along Sosuke’s entrance once more. “Fuck him, Ulquiorra, he deserves it.”

“You made him come, sub.” Ulquiorra kisses behind his ear again. “Do you want to come?”

Sosuke licks his lips, tilts his head toward the sound of Ulquiorra’s voice. “Yes, Sir.”

“How do you want to come?” Ulquiorra sinks his fingers inside of him again, fucking him open slowly, rubbing against that soft bundle of nerves along the front wall of his vagina. “The wand? My mouth? My fingers? Anything you want, you can have it.”

He doesn’t miss the way Sosuke grinds against his cock, rubbing his naked ass against Ulquiorra’s hips shamelessly. “Your cock, Sir. I want you to fuck me  _ please. _ ”

“As you wish.” Ulquiorra lets Sosuke cling to his hand, gripping the back of his neck in the other and guiding him down to press his cheek against the soft, plush carpet. “Do you want a pillow for under your head? I have every intention of taking you from behind like this.”

From the way Sosuke gasps for him, Ulquiorra supposes there is no disagreement. “Yes, Sir. I don’t want to have carpet burn marks on my face.”

Grimmjow retrieves one and tucks it under Sosuke’s cheek, then steps back to give them room. Taking a slow, deep breath, Ulquiorra unfastens his jeans and boxers, shoving them down his thighs so he can free his straining cock from his briefs. He runs his fingers between Sosuke’s legs, gathering the slickness there and spreading it over his cock. The moment the head touches the entrance of Sosuke’s vagina, he rocks his hips back, a clear invitation to sink inside of him and fuck him like he deserves.

“This is for you, Sosuke.” Ulquiorra strokes the head of his cock along Sosuke’s entrance, rubbing it against his clit. “Come as many times as you want. You have my permission.”

“Oh, thank you, Sir.” Sosuke ruts back again, and this time, Ulquiorra thrusts into him.

Fucking Sosuke is like being wrapped in hot and welcoming velvet, the wetness letting Ulquiorra sink in deep without any friction. Sosuke is needy enough that he opens without any more coaxing, muscles stretching around Ulquiorra’s cock, drawing him in all the way to the root. He throbs with want around Ulquiorra, milking him, and when Ulquiorra just draws out a few centimeters to thrust back in, it’s enough to tease those muscles into tightening around him, fluttering. It’s an intense, pleasurable sensation. There’s nothing else like it.

“You fit around me like you were always meant to.” Ulquiorra grips the ropework around Sosuke’s wrists, using it to anchor himself as he works on a slow, easy rhythm. “Are you ready for me, sub? I’ll give you everything I have if you want me to.”

“Please, Sir!” Sosuke spreads his legs wider and that sinks Ulquiorra another centimeter deeper, drawing a low moan from his lips. “Fuck me as hard as you can.”

“Very well.” Ulquiorra shifts on his knees, pulls out, and slams back in as hard as he can.

The rhythm of their bodies is forceful and rough. Ulquiorra hadn’t been kidding when he said he worked out to fuck Grimmjow as hard as he wanted to be fucked, and he shows off now. His hips and thighs flex as he pins Sosuke down, the thud of skin against skin filling the room with the undercurrent of the wet sucking and popping sounds of the sex itself. Sosuke makes small, breathless noises before he finds his voice, then moans audibly and fucks himself back on Ulquiorra’s cock as if trying to take him impossibly deeper.

“Sir, it feels so good.” Sosuke writhes beneath him, struggling against Ulquiorra’s hold on his wrists. “Please, I’m so close. I’m so close, I’m— I’m—”

Ulquiorra leans over him, kisses the back of his shoulder. “Come for me, Sosuke.”

He remembers the first time he ever spoke a similar sentiment, Sosuke riding his thigh and grinding against him for relief, positioned on top of him and still entirely in control even as Ulquiorra gave him the permission he seemed to be waiting for. Had it been inevitable then? Ulquiorra doesn’t know, and right now he doesn’t fucking care.

Sosuke seizes up around him and screams, his slick inner muscles milking Ulquiorra’s cock as they throb and clench in orgasm. And Ulquiorra doesn’t stop, fucking him through the tightness and the friction, the wet rub of Sosuke’s flesh against his own. It’s enough to torment him but it rips around helpless yell from Sosuke’s throat so it’s worth it. And Ulquiorra slips a hand around him, stroking his clit, refusing to let him relax, to come down. Pushing him higher and higher, tumbling into another orgasm before he can breathe.

He seizes and tightens and throbs in orgasm again and again, and Ulquiorra croons praise down to him as he fucks him, rubbing his cock over Sosuke’s g-spot, grinding into him wet and filthy until his entire body shudders as he comes again. He feels fucking  _ perfect,  _ every single part of him soft and clinging and wet.

Ulquiorra can only hope it feels just as good for Sosuke as it does for him.

“One more,” Ulquiorra whispers, fingers sliding down to feel where his own cock is pumping in and out, where Sosuke’s opening is hot under his fingers. “Come for me one more time.”

Sosuke does, of course, perfect sub that he is, and the softness and the tightness tips Ulquiorra over the edge, drawing his orgasm out of him, milking him for all he’s worth. He doesn’t let himself fall down on Sosuke, though, propped up on his forearm, letting Sosuke have all of his warmth and not of his weight, careful of his still-bound hands.

With deft fingers, Ulquiorra unties the ropes, slowly pulling out so as not to hurt his still-sensitive submissive. He rubs the skin where the ropes rested, pleased to see there are no marks left behind, and kisses Sosuke’s fingers before letting him fully have his hands back. “You did so well for me, sub. You’re perfect. Flawless in all ways.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Sosuke’s voice is soft with emotion. “Can we move to the bed, Sir?”

“Yes.” Ulquiorra removes the blindfold, leaving everything on the floor to be dealt with later, and picks his lax and warm submissive up from the floor, carrying him toward the bed and lying him down on the soft bedspread, crawling up onto it with him.

Grimmjow is there with them a moment later with chocolate and juice and water like Ulquiorra instructed him prior to leaving, and together they sit Sosuke between them, Ulquiorra combing his fingers through the soft brown locks while feeding Sosuke bites of chocolate. He looks calmer and more relaxed than Ulquiorra has ever seen him, completely slack with satisfaction as Grimmjow enfolds Sosuke in his arms. Together, they keep him grounded, safe, and warm, and he looks like he’s enjoying the attention thoroughly.

“You are so perfect.” Ulquiorra cups his chin and kisses him. “You pleased me so well. You took everything I gave you gracefully. I feel privileged to be your Dominant.”

Sosuke’s face flushes softly under his praise but he leans into it and Ulquiorra’s touch. “Thank you, Sir. It was… Wonderful. It’s been so long since I felt comfortable enough to submit to someone, and you treated me very kindly and with so much care.”

“You matter so much to me. Of course I did my best for you.” Ulquiorra kisses him, tasting the sweetness of the chocolate and juice on his tongue.

“You really were amazing.” Grimmjow hugs him and Sosuke giggles softly, basking in the praise and the warmth and the aftercare. “I’ve never seen anyone so natural at it.”

Ulquiorra nods in agreement. “Finish your chocolate and I’ll draw you a bath. I made quite a mess out of you and I have every intention of thoroughly cleaning you up. Besides, you were bound on your knees for quite some time. Your poor muscles need the attention.”

“Thank you.” Sosuke smiles up at him, so trusting and warm. “You take good care of me.”

“You deserve it.” Ulquiorra cups his chin and kisses him again, longer and sweeter.

Bazz has an obscenely large bath tub because of course he does, and Ulquiorra can be extravagant when he wants to be. After the tub is full of hot, scented water, he steps back to let Grimmjow set Sosuke down in the water, and then the two of them shed their own clothes and slip into the hot water with him, giving him the contact and closeness he craves so much. He reaches for them and they’re there, taking his hands in theirs to kiss his fingers, Grimmjow’s arm sliding around his waist while Ulquiorra cradles his cheek.

“Look at me,” he murmurs, just the tiniest hint of his Dom voice showing through to ensure those soft, hazy brown eyes meet his own. “Tell me how you’re feeling.”

Sosuke tilts his head, kissing the palm of Ulquiorra’s hand. “I feel warm. And satisfied. I feel like I trusted you and you honored that trust and honored my body. You took care of me, you checked up on me. You made me feel so safe and cared for.”

“Good. Then I did a good job.” Ulquiorra smiles, gently guiding Sosuke’s head to rest on his shoulder. “I wanted to keep Grimmjow’s involvement to a minimum tonight until I saw you responded to it. Maybe we can work on more interactive scenes in the future.”

“I’d like that. Perhaps in the future, you might be daring enough to take me at the same time.” Sosuke smiles sunnily up at him, and Ulquiorra tries really hard not to think about that too much because he can just imagine how embarrassing it’d be to get hard so fast.

Grimmjow noses into Sosuke’s throat, kissing the vulnerable flesh carefully. “We’ll work up to it. Would you want Bazz to be involved at some point in the future?”

“I think I’d like to do something like when we first had that conversation together in your apartment,” Sosuke murmurs, and Ulquiorra hums. He remembers that. “So that he could be intimate with my body with you two nearby for security reasons.”

“We’d be happy to do that for you, of course.” Ulquiorra kisses the top of his head. “We could even do it in the frame of BDSM if you want. We could Dom him together, make sure he only does what you want him to do. Or you could have me direct him so you can just focus on how it feels. We’ll work out the finer details as necessary.”

Sosuke purrs and cuddles closer to him. “Thank you, Ulquiorra. You’re so helpful.”

“For you, I’ll do anything. I just want you to be comfortable and happy in this relationship.” Ulquiorra smiles against his hair. “Your happiness is what makes me the most happy.”

Together, he and Grimmjow wash Sosuke’s body off of sweat and come, Ulquiorra carefully cleaning him with his fingers, tender with his sensitive flesh. When he’s been washed and smells sweet from the bath and looks to be about to fall asleep on them, they bundle him up in towels and dry him off, and Ulquiorra sets him down on the edge of the bed and brushes his hair until it’s soft and smooth while Grimmjow digs pajamas out for him.

“I’ll text Bazz to let him know he can come back now,” Grimmjow says. “I think I’ll lay his pajamas out for him too so he can just change instead of digging through clothes.”

Ulquiorra nods, kissing Sosuke’s forehead. “That’d be lovely. Thanks, Grimm.”

“‘Course, Quiorra.” Grimmjow sets clothing out on the dresser for Bazz, picks up Ulquiorra’s phone to no doubt send the message, and then bring Sosuke his clothes, the two of them dressing him with soft, careful touches. “You tired, baby?”

“You have no idea.” Sosuke smothers a yawn against the palm of his hand. “I’m exhausted.”

Ulquiorra chuckles, helping him slip under the bed covers. “Well, we chose the weekend to make sure you’d have time to recover no matter what happened. I’m glad it went well.”

“I am, too.” Sosuke wraps his arms around Ulquiorra’s neck. “Hurry and get dressed. I want to fall asleep between the two of you where it’s so safe and warm.”

Maybe Ulquiorra almost trips and dies getting his boxers on. It wouldn’t be the first time.

He and Grimmjow shut off the lamps and climb into bed with Sosuke, bracketing him with their bodies, his back pressed against Grimmjow’s chest while Ulquiorra presses up against his front, their legs tangling together. Ulquiorra kisses him goodnight, letting Sosuke curl in as close as he wants, reaching past him to wrap an arm around Grimmjow’s waist as well so the three of them are as close as they could ever hope to be.

If Bazz wakes them up on his way to bed, Ulquiorra is going to spank him for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //jazz hands// hey look i finally wrote the scene i've been wanting to write for a long time now! i hope you all enjoyed it. this chapter is 10k and it felt like a breeze for the most part.
> 
> oh and the sternritter stuff at the beginning... oops! it's a play on the fact that in canon, yhwach has to keep performing holy selection or he will backslide into how he was as an infant. it's just also a sad reality that being a musician is a very physically taxing job, especially with so much travel, and it's making things worse for him.
> 
> also i'm sure we are all so shocked to see who sternritter is made up of currently.


	26. love at first sight twice in a row

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** some talk of suicidal thoughts
> 
> **sexual content:** none

Sternritter have a flight on Sunday evening back home to Germany and stay until the approximate last minute, but there are no disasters and so Grimmjow thinks their stay might have been a success. Having so many people in the house is certainly an experience that makes him remember university and fraternity life, and that even having space does not guarantee having eight people in one house will ever feel  _ comfortable. _

It is when the door closes that Bazz turns to them, hovering as he locks up for the night and closes the curtains on the large picture window facing the front yard. “Hey, uh, we need to sit down and talk. I wanted to save it until they were gone.”

“Is something wrong?” Sosuke asks, setting his glass of wine down on the coffee table. The scene did not end in sub drop, and he’s seen warm and mellowed out since Ulquiorra picked him apart and put him back together again. “Nothing happened with them, did it?”

“No. I know what he wants to talk about,” Ulquiorra says, setting his tablet down.

Bazz glances at him, eyebrow darting up. “Oh? Did one of them say something to you about it before I came to pick them up? Shit. You were hiding it better than I was.”

“Hiding what?” Grimmjow asks carefully. Against his will, he remembers finding out that Ulquiorra confided in Bazz first instead of him and the ensuing fight.  _ Stop it. You know better than to distrust them. Let them talk first. _ “Is something wrong?”

“No. Not really. I mean, not for us.” Bazz sits back down on the couch, props a foot up on his own coffee table. “I didn’t tell any of you about this because it wasn’t my business to, but they’re getting ready to announce it publicly. So, Juha has like… Health issues. I think you probably noticed a few things while he was staying with us, right?”

Grimmjow thinks back and nods; he remembers a few things. A few headaches, a day where Bach seemed groggy despite having slept the night before, a few moments where he needed Haschwalth’s help. “Now that you mention it, I did. Is he going to be okay?”

“I remember discussing those problems with him during the first big tour,” Sosuke muses, folding his hands neatly in his lap. “He told me ahead of time in case I noticed anything strange in tabloids or from fans. We talked about how to mitigate that together.”

“Yeah. It’s not super serious, but touring is rough on him, I guess, and that makes sense. So… This is their final anniversary celebration, and they’re going to be sitting down to announce the breakup of the band soon. Which…” Bazz shrugs, as if not knowing what else to say. He’d signed the legal documentation for his departure from Nozarashi yesterday, had left them all here to go meet with Byakuya in private to discuss things.

There was not much to discuss, of course. He and Yumichika paid out of their contracts.

Ulquiorra hums softly. “We talked about that. They asked me for your opinion that I’m sure you’re about to give us. And Grimmjow, Sosuke, I apologize. I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you. I found out more by accident than anything else, I think.”

“I mean, they didn’t tell me they told you, so I had no idea.” Bazz shrugs, and Grimmjow relaxes and nods. That’s fair. And depending on what it is, whether Ulquiorra knew or not, it was not his business to tell them. He was just trying to be considerate. “So, Sternritter is going to break up officially soon. Cang Du and As asked me if I’d be willing to start a new band with them. As of our night out, the invitation includes Yumichika too.”

Grimmjow’s eyes widen at the words; he doesn’t know what to say. Bazz and Cang Du especially got along well, had the kind of friendship that Grimmjow was happy to see him in after everything. As was… A bit eccentric, but Grimmjow liked him well enough, and he got along well with Ulquiorra. But a new band? How would they make that work half a world apart? Did Bazz even want that?  _ He’s probably getting ready to tell you, dumbass. _

Sosuke takes a deep breath, exhales slowly. “That makes sense. The three of you worked well together in the past, and they must have known about the tension with Nozarashi.”

“They did,” Bazz confirms, stretching out a hand, squeezing Sosuke’s knee. “I didn’t talk to them super often, but they did know. I think that’s why they chose to reach out to me.”

“Are you just telling us about the offer, or have you made a decision?” Ulquiorra asks.

Silence settles across the room and Bazz tips his head back, his eyes squeezing shut as if he does not want to give them an answer. Grimmjow’s stomach drops; is Bazz telling them he’s going home to Germany to start a new band? Is he going to leave them? The thought makes his heart ache. They could survive without him probably, but not having him as a part of their relationship just feels  _ wrong, _ like there was something about him that was essential to this bond. Grimmjow  _ loves _ Bazz. He doesn’t want him to leave.

But if Bazz needs to do this for himself, Grimmjow will support him. He knows how unhappy Nozarashi made Bazz, and all he wants is for him to be happy again.

“So, there’s an obvious issue,” Bazz says. “We’re split across two different countries.”

“That is an issue. Would you have to go back to Germany to make it work?” Sosuke asks.

Bazz’s hand spasms on his knee before it seems to tighten. “That’s what I wanted to talk to all of you about. Obviously, you can’t just sit down and start a band. We’d have to sit down, talk through things seriously, figure out a sound, play off of each other. There’s a lot that goes into it, and we can’t do that from a world apart like this.”

“So you’re going to go back to Germany?” Grimmjow guesses, trying to keep his voice as stable and smooth as possible. “I mean, if you think that’s the right thing to do—”

“Don’t get ahead of yourselves. You’re all talking like you expect me to just ditch you and run off to start a new band.” Bazz straightens up. “Quiorra, get over here on the couch. It’s weird sitting here talking about this when you’re not, like, a part of it physically.”

Ulquiorra rolls his eyes but acquiesces, squeezing his body into the space between Bazz and Sosuke, swatting Bazz’s arm out of the way. “All right. So, what’s the plan?”

“I want to go to Germany to sit down and figure things out with them. I didn’t realize how much I wanted that until we started talking about it when we were out drinking. Like, mostly me and Cang Du, but we were always the planners for shit.” Bazz looks at each of them in turn and Grimmjow feels his throat tighten;  _ is he really leaving? _ “But that’s no guarantee things work out. We could get together and things don’t work out.”

Grimmjow forces himself to speak. “Did Yumichika agree to visit Germany with you?”

“Oh yeah. He wants to sightsee and get out of Japan for a while anyway, so it works out. But, like…” Bazz runs a hand through his hair, left loose today. “Look, I don’t want to leave. You get that, right? I’m happy with you three. The happiest I’ve ever been.”

“We know. But it’s important that you’re happy in every facet of your life, so if you think you need to go back home to work on a new band, then you should.” Ulquiorra presses a kiss to his jaw, as if trying to soothe him. If Grimmjow could reach him, he’d do the same.

Bazz shakes his head. “No, look, listen. So, we talked about going for like, a month? A month or so. We’re going to go back to my home city since Cang Du and As still live there, and we’re going to do like, jam sessions. See if we click. Nothing is set in stone yet. But—”

“When will you be leaving?” Sosuke asks, and Grimmjow can tell his voice is emotional, too.

“Oh my— Look.” Bazz pushes himself up from the couch, and Grimmjow can see that he’s running with wild tension, running his hand through his hair over and over. “Don’t, okay? Stop thinking I’m basically saying I’m just going to leave. I get it, though. It’s been shit for you three in terms of relationships in the last year, so I get it. But don’t do that to me.”

“We’re sorry,” Ulquiorra murmurs, and Grimmjow nods. “Would you explain what you have in mind? None of us will interrupt you until you’re done telling us your plan.”

“Okay. Thank you. Sorry if I seem snappy, I just… Don’t want to hear you guys break your own hearts when I’m not doing any of the things you think I am.” Bazz has to walk around the coffee table to stand in front of them, Ulquiorra’s current project haloing him in the process. “We want to do this soonish, like, next month. While the weather is nice, because the winters are terrible. But I don’t want to leave you guys here. I was… Kind of thinking that maybe we could all go together. As like, a vacation and a bonding experience.”

Grimmjow blinks at him a handful of times at him, not sure he heard right. “What? You want us to come to Germany with you? I don’t know, man, I… That’s a lot.”

“I know. That’s why I wanted to tell you now to give you time to think about it.” Bazz runs both hands through his hair this time; he looks like he wants to sink down into the floor and die there. “Your thing with Starrk is over at the end of the month, right? I bet Zommari would let you have the time off if you asked for it. And Quiorra works from home, and I’d do damn near anything to transport your art stuff safely.”

Ulquiorra’s face softens. “You’ve thought about this all weekend, haven’t you?”

“The biggest obstacle is… Obviously…” Bazz’s eyes raise again, and Grimmjow knows he’s looking at Sosuke. He’s talking about Byakuya and Renji and Rukia. “You told me you had four weeks of vacation time you had to take by September because your boss is paranoid that by never taking it, it’s going to look like he’s working you too hard.”

“Did he?” Grimmjow asks, glancing next to him. Just how hard does Sosuke work himself?

To his surprise, Sosuke’s face is carefully blank. He looks like he shut off all of his emotions in the same way that Ulquiorra does from time to time, especially during the most difficult conversations. “He did. I’m meant to take a vacation this summer for his peace of mind more than mine. Not that I mind, of course. A break from stress is always pleasant.”

“You don’t have to say yes right away.” Bazz shoves his hands into his pockets, pulls them out and crosses his arms, trying to look nonchalant and failing miserably. He looks so wound up and upset that it’s hard to look at him right now. “That’s why I’m mentioning it now. So you can all think about it. And if you don’t want to, then I won’t go.”

“Wait. No. If you want to go, and you do, then you should go,” Ulquiorra says firmly.

Grimmjow nods, already sitting up, trying not to jostle Sosuke too much in the process. “Bazz, babe, if you want this band, you should go. We can video chat and text and—”

“No. Hell no. I am not. No.” Bazz shakes his head a little too hard. “Like fuck am I just going to leave  _ now _ when things are finally working out. You three mean more to me than anything else and I’m not going to go off without you with me. That was my condition.”

“That’s not fair,” Ulquiorra murmurs. “It feels like you’re pressuring us to go.”

Bazz’s face drains of what little color it still had in it and then he’s shaking his head again, sinking down into a crouch, hands pressed together in front of his mouth. He looks like a wild, cornered animal searching for an opening to bolt from danger. “No. That’s not like… No, I’m  _ not _ pulling a Byakuya here. I’m just telling you that like… Look. You three mean more to me than a new band does. It would be fun if it worked out, but it’s not like going to Germany will magically make it happen. I’d be miserable if I was there without you.”

“Are you sure?” Sosuke asks, his voice so carefully empty of inflection. “Because if you would rather go one way or another, you should. You said you wanted to go, even. Even if you and Yumichika ultimately chose to leave Nozarashi, you both love music.”

“I can play music here. Look, I don’t want you thinking you have to say yes. That’s not what I meant when I said I wouldn’t go if you didn’t.” Bazz presses his hands to his mouth for a moment, looking torn, looking like he doesn’t know what to say anymore. “It’s not manipulation. It’s me saying that I want to be with you three the most. If you can’t come with me, I don’t  _ want _ to go alone. It wouldn’t be fun for me without you there.”

“And would you be happy if you gave up that chance and stayed here with us?” Sosuke asks.

There is absolutely not a single moment of hesitation before Bazz nods, nothing in his eyes to suggest he’s not being truthful with them. “Yes. I’m happy as long as you’re near. If all I did was play my drums in my basement studio, I’d be happy. If I wanted a new band here, Yum and I can pull it together. This isn’t a  _ must _ for me. It’s just a thing. Really I was just wanting you three to come because I think you all deserve a break from… Everything.”

Ever since Grimmjow has known Bazz, he has never thought of him as weak or vulnerable, not even when he was in sub drop. Now, though, he looks fragile and ready to fall apart at any moment. “Would you really be happy to give up something like that?”

“It’s just a thing,” Bazz insists. “Yeah, being a drummer is fun. You know what I found out? Being your boyfriend is better. That’s something I could build a whole life on.”

“And you would be fine if this opportunity slipped away? You’re sure?” Ulquiorra asks.

Again, Bazz nods. It’s such a quick movement. “Yeah. The opportunity I really want to chase is taking you three back home with me to show you how great it is. Maybe introduce you to my parents. Hang out, have fun. We could get, like, we could rent a villa. And just enjoy each other without shit falling apart at any moment.”

“You honestly look like you’re about to be sick or something,” Grimmjow says.

Bazz’s smile is thin. “I don’t want you to hate me because my intentions aren’t clear.”

That… Is fair, Grimmjow thinks. “So you’d be okay if we ended up saying no because it’s more about taking us there, right? You’d be happy putting together a band here?”

“Yeah. I really just wanna take you guys up there with me.” Bazz sits down firmly on the floor, legs folded under him, gripping his ankles tight in his hands. “I think it’d be a nice change of pace. Get away from the drama, just relax somewhere quiet. Go out on dates, fall asleep in each other’s arms. Just… Relax for a while. You’ve all earned it.”

“You’ve earned it, too,” Ulquiorra says, and Grimmjow nods. “But you really do look like you’re about to throw up. I’m sorry if what I said upset you.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s totally normal to make that call, I think. I’m just glad you get it.” Bazz wets his lips. “Sosuke, you’ve been a little quiet. You wanna add anything?”

“I told Byakuya that I wanted a break from him. We aren’t speaking at the moment. I’d have to discuss this with him, but… I don’t see why it would be too difficult to go.” Sosuke leans forward, and Grimmjow loosens his hold on him so he can do that.

Bazz’s eyes widen slightly. “Wait, are you already saying yes? Are you sure about that?”

“I’ll obviously have to tell him that I’m going and why, but if he tries to put up too much of a fight, I’ll just talk him down.” Sosuke slips off of the couch and Grimmjow watches him go, watches him round the coffee table and hold out a hand. “Get off the floor, love. You’re looking pitiful and I can’t stand to see you cowering on the floor like this.”

Bazz takes his hand and pulls himself up. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be all pitiful and shit. I just… Didn’t want you all to be pissed at me over the way I worded that. I got a little off.”

“It’s okay. You made yourself perfectly clear.” Sosuke’s smile is soft as he leans up, pressing a gentle kiss to Bazz’s lips. “Like I said, I’m happy to go with you. It’d be nice to visit the country and see the sights. And I’d like to meet your parents, too.”

Grimmjow exhales slowly and nods, pushing himself up from the couch as well. “Yeah, like, now that you explained yourself, it’s cool. It just sounded a bit off for a second.”

“And it’s mostly our fault for misinterpreting what you were saying in the first place,” Ulquiorra adds, standing to join them all on the other side of the table, pressing himself up against Bazz’s back, nuzzling into his shoulder blade. “Thank you for clarifying, my love.”

“Of course. Yeah.” Bazz reaches back, pats Ulquiorra on the hip.

Grimmjow leans closer and pecks him on the lips. “It sounds nice, honestly. Going there.”

“I just don’t really want to separate all of us right now, like… We’re still getting everything worked out and I’d rather be here with you if something goes wrong so I can help.” Bazz looks overwhelmed to be at the center of their attention, which is almost laughable for a celebrity in the first place. “Like if something went wrong or someone was crying, being on a video chat doesn’t do jack shit for anyone. I want to be here with you.”

“Let us think about it and we’ll give you an answer,” Grimmjow tells him, flicking him on the forehead and snickering when Bazz scowls at him. “We’d probably have to put off the wedding to do it, which like. Quiorra, how do you feel about doing that?”

Ulquiorra looks thoughtful. “We could get married in Germany if we really wanted to and then just have a reception or something here. Fly out our parents maybe.”

“I’ll pay for it,” Bazz says immediately. “I’m serious. It’s not a problem. If you decided to do it there, money’s not an issue. I’ll help you get the paperwork all set up too since I know you probably can’t read German? And it’s legal there now, so you really could.”

Grimmjow chuckles. “Thanks for giving us all the stuff to consider. Really. It’s good to know that like, we don’t have to worry about the financial aspects of it ‘cause that’d make it pretty much impossible based on the fact we couldn’t fly everyone out like that.”

“International flights aren’t cheap,” Ulquiorra agrees, butting his head against Bazz’s arm.

“No worries.” Bazz inhales, exhales. “God, sorry to be so dramatic about it. It was just eating at me and I wanted everyone to have enough time to decide. Sosuke, baby, how long did you think your break from Byakuya would last? Just asking ‘cause like, if you wanted to keep staying here even after Grimm and Quiorra go home, you can.”

Sosuke’s smile is soft, kind. Almost shy? He’s been a lot sweeter since submitting to Ulquiorra, and it’s honestly been such a nice change. “Thank you, darling. I think I’ll take you up on that. You have a lovely home and we still have so much to talk about.”

“Star-crossed lovers,” Grimmjow muses. “Love at first sight. All the fun tropes.”

Bazz rolls his eyes so hard it looks like it hurts. “Oh my God, shut up. It’s not that dramatic. I mean, maybe it’s that dramatic. Fuck, I’m that dramatic. I’m Yumichika levels of dramatic. You can’t ever tell him or he’ll never let me live it down.”

“We’ll keep your secret,” Ulquiorra reassures him. “One day, you’ll have to tell us when you realized you were in love with Sosuke because I really want to hear all the soft sappy things about the two of you. I hadn’t even realized you  _ had _ feelings until you said it.”

“Let’s all sit down and I’ll get a drink and I’ll tell you like… Everything.” Bazz shrugs them all off, making a beeline for the kitchen. “But I really need beer or I’m going to get all weird about it and shy and shit and that’s a bad look. I’m supposed to be a badass.”

Ulquiorra rolls his eyes, takes Grimmjow’s hand in one of his and Sosuke’s in the other. “He’s such a dork. Sosuke, you know you can spend time with us if you want, right?”

“I know, my darling, but I also know that the two of you were living rather happily before all of this drama occurred.” Sosuke raises Ulquiorra’s hand to his lips and kisses his fingers. “And I want to give you two some much-deserved space. And I was serious when I said I wanted to spend alone time with Bazz. He’s been secretly in love with me for years. I think he’d really appreciate some private time, just the two of us.”

Grimmjow nods, kisses him on the temple, and they all head back to the couch together. “That makes sense. And he’d probably be all over you, but you totally deserve it.”

Bazz returns with beer for all of them and sits down on the coffee table, handing them all out and cracking his own before he speaks. “So, when I fell in love with Aizen Sosuke.”

“I’m interested to hear this story,” Sosuke muses. “I want to know what did it.”

“You totally didn’t even do anything. It was just the first time we met when you were telling us all the things to do and not to do and what to do if we fucked up and needed to come for you for help.” Bazz plants his chin in the palm of his hand, and his smile is soft, small, unassuming. “I was like, holy shit, this is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my entire life and he thinks I’m some trashy band dude.”

Sosuke almost chokes on his beer. “I never thought that about any of you!”

Laughing, Bazz stretches out a hand, fingers tracing a delicate path on Sosuke’s knee. “Of course not ‘cause you’re a fucking angel but I was sweating through my shirt and my leather jacket ‘cause we were outside like  _ idiots _ and I looked like shit.”

“Back when you thought you were cool,” Sosuke muses, and Bazz makes a pitiful noise at him. “I remember that day. I thought you were all going to become the bane of Byakuya’s existence because you ignored approximately every fifth word he said and asked him questions he’d already answered. I think you were the only one who paid attention to me.”

“And then I became the bane of your husband’s existence,” Bazz says solemnly.

Sosuke bursts into delighted giggles and Bazz catches him by the back of the neck, hauling him forward for a kiss while Grimmjow and Ulquiorra just look at each other. Grimmjow remembers meeting Ulquiorra for the first time, remembers thinking that Ulquiorra looked so cool and perfectly put together in the bar and that Ulquiorra rightfully should spit in his fucking face for daring to speak to him. He remembers what Ulquiorra was wearing that night, too, the well-fitting jeans and the dark grey V-neck because he’d been thinking so hard about how it made Ulquiorra look paler. He looked like a model.

He still does, but more so. He doesn’t look perpetually miserable anymore, and he sleeps enough and eats three meals a day and Grimmjow feels suddenly, stupidly in love with him.

“You thinking about that first night, too?” Ulquiorra asks him, and Grimmjow smiles and nods at him. “You acted like you thought I was going to tell you to fuck off.”

“You were like, a swipe of black eyeliner away from telling me to fuck off,” Grimmjow reminds him. He’d been nervous. He was  _ never _ nervous when he talked to guys.

Bazz perks up. “Tell me about the first time you two met. You heard mine.”

“It was my first night out to a bar since the group breakup,” Ulquiorra says, his voice soft, wistful almost. “I really just wanted to drink. Going to a gay bar was like, I could pretend I was there to meet people and then not do that and say it wasn’t my fault. Because there were people at the time who thought I was shutting down way too much.”

Grimmjow hums softly; he remembers how closed-off Ulquiorra was in the beginning. How quiet and soft and reserved, and how he spoke in a low voice like raising it at all might result in a fight or something. “You were so cool. I’d never seen such a pretty guy before.”

“And when you walked up to me, I thought you were going to say some shit about the way I looked or how I dressed or that I looked too feminine or something.” Ulquiorra shrugs that off, but Grimmjow remembers Ulquiorra telling him about that later on. He’s comfortable in himself, comfortable having long hair and being thought of as pretty.

“I could barely ask you what your name was.” He’d stumbled over his words so much after rehearsing them in his head for the last five minutes. “And I thought it was so pretty when you told me. I also totally thought it was fake like you were telling me to fuck off.”

Ulquiorra laughs. “Yeah, it sounds like that, doesn’t it? You were so nervous. It was sweet. It was why I actually started actively talking to you. You were nice. No one had been.”

Grimmjow stretches out a hand to touch his cheek and Ulquiorra leans into his touch, dark lashes fluttering, and he doesn’t regret anything. Well, he regrets some of the mean shit he said the night they fought about Ulquiorra telling Bazz about his past before he told Grimmjow. But he doesn’t regret asking Ulquiorra to marry him. He doesn’t regret sliding the ring on his finger, the one he’d picked out so long ago, and he’s not going to regret it when he slides a simpler band on his finger to signify that they’re married.

Sosuke’s voice is low, soft. “I hope things work out for you two in the long run. I really admire how much you two love each other. It’d break my heart if it didn’t work out.”

The tone of his voice makes Grimmjow frown. “You thinking about Byakuya?”

“Yes. It’s hard not to. I thought things were going to be perfect. It was my fairytale. The evening we met, I’d thought about killing myself that week.” Sosuke says this perfectly plainly but the words make Grimmjow’s heart plummet down into his stomach so hard he’s sick.  _ Suicide? Sosuke? _ He moves before he can stop himself, yanking Sosuke into his lap. “Grimmjow, darling, it’s okay. It was just a bad time in my life. I’m better now.”

He shoves his nose into Sosuke’s hair, unwilling to let that slide. “I’m sorry, but thinking about that just breaks my fucking heart. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

“Nothing’s going to happen. I don’t feel that way anymore. Even with all of the problems with Byakuya, I’m fine.” But Sosuke curls into him just the same and lets Grimmjow hold him as tight as he wants to, chin resting on the top of his head.

Bazz climbs onto the couch with them, smashing himself into them, sandwiching Sosuke between them. “If you ever feel like that again, you’ll come to us and talk to us about it, right? You know you can come to us if you ever feel bad again.”

“Of course,” Sosuke murmurs. “I know you three are going to take care of me.”

Ulquiorra has to climb over Bazz to reach Sosuke, giving him a small kiss. “Good. I have to admit, it scared me a little to hear that, too. But I can understand the sentiment.”

“Oh man, I’m gonna start fucking crying in like five seconds.” Bazz pins Ulquiorra against his chest, pressing his face into Ulquiorra’s hair. “I feel like such a piece of shit ‘cause all the shit I went through didn’t end with me wanting to commit suicide so I feel like all my bitching is just… Pointless. I’m sorry if I made either of you feel bad.”

Gently, Sosuke touches his face. “No, love. You’re allowed to have problems, too. No one is the same. And it’s better that you didn’t feel that way. I’d wish it on no one.”

“Okay. I just. Okay.” Bazz shoves himself up against Grimmjow’s side and it takes some finagling, but they manage to pin Ulquiorra and Sosuke between them. “God, this got so sad. Tell me how to make everyone smile so I can do that.”

Grimmjow snorts and kisses the back of Sosuke’s neck, long brown hair tickling his nose. “Why don’t we go make use of that game room of yours? Money says I can kick your fucking ass in any game you have. Quiorra and Sosuke can play too if they want.”

Sosuke wrinkles up his nose. “I don’t play video games. I won’t be very good at them.”

“I’ll help you cheat,” Ulquiorra promises. “And I will help you kick their asses.”

It’s sobering to think about how much Sosuke and Ulquiorra have gone through to get where they are today, Grimmjow thinks. Even as he follows everyone upstairs to Bazz’s game room, he can’t help but think of what Sosuke confessed. And he knows that Ulquiorra has thought about suicide in the past. It’s hard to think about on the best of days even though he knows Ulquiorra is doing much better and that he’s happy now, that he’s getting the help he needs, taking his medication, and in general just in a better place.

Now that he knows Sosuke has gone through similar things, he’s going to make sure to check up on him more often just to make sure he’s happy. He wants to take care of him and make sure he has everything he needs to be happy and healthy, too. Depression is a hell of a thing and it can sweep people away before anyone else realizes it’s too late.

Bazz catches his eye as they walk into the room and nods, and Grimmjow flashes him a smile. Right. He doesn’t have to worry about doing it alone. Bazz has got his back.

As it turns out, Ulquiorra is very good at cheating his little ass off and he’s even better at teaching Sosuke how to cheat. Grimmjow isn’t even sure how he manages to lose games he  _ knows _ he’s the best at and maybe he pouts a little too much. But seeing Sosuke smile is more than worth it, so he makes a note to thank Ulquiorra for helping him cheat.

At any rate, he gets to take both of these beautiful men to bed with smiles on their faces, and Bazz seems to be in a better place, too.

Nothing can keep them down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates in one day at a total of 15,400 words feels pretty damn good honestly. i feel like i'm back in the swing of things.
> 
> if this story ends up as long as the first one, there would be roughly ten chapters to go. i can't say it will be but i'd like it to be so wish me luck!


	27. prince charming and the prince in the tower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** it's mentioned at the end~

Sosuke has always danced along the knife’s edge of wondering if he finds a man attractive or if he wants to be like him. The constant struggle is a difficult one that made working at Las Noches a challenge. Every so often, he would catch himself wondering if he found Gin attractive, for instance, or if he was simply drawn in by how comfortable Gin could make himself with a face that kept most people nervous in his presence. It made him wonder if he liked Shinji as a person or wanted to conceptualize his confidence and his sass.

Masculine men are different. They make him uncomfortable. They make him feel like his identity is just some complex game of dress-up rather than the truth because he feels like no matter what the does, he could never be so effortlessly  _ male. _ It took him many years to shake the majority of these feelings, and some of them linger on to this day.

Bazz, by all rights, is exactly the kind of man who brings up such insecurities. When they first met, he certainly had. Six foot five inches of hard muscle, loud and vibrant so that he borders on obnoxious, and strong enough to throw heavy equipment around like it weighs nothing. Not only that, but Bazz is  _ handsome _ in that cocksure way, arrogant bone structure and a smile that sweeps most people off their feet without him having to try.

When Byakuya talked about hating him, Sosuke could see his point of view on the matter.

It was never about  _ wanting _ to be that masculine, either. Sosuke has learned to love the body he lives in, the shape of it. He has always been on the taller side of the spectrum, has broader shoulders now that taper down into a narrow enough waist that he isn’t clocked in public nearly as often anymore. It has been years since the last time, even though he wears soft and pretty colors some days and wears his hair long enough to fall all the way down his back. In public, people read him as a man, and he likes himself for who he is.

Just the same, he wishes it could have been just a little easier on him.

After Grimmjow and Ulquiorra go back to their apartment on Monday evening, Sosuke expects things with Bazz to be… Awkward, as they learn to spend time with just each other. He goes to work on Tuesday morning, sorts through his work as necessary, and finds himself a little nervous at the prospect of what it might mean to spend alone time with Bazz. He wonders if they are half as compatible alone as they are with Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. He wonders if he might be able to run into thinking that he’d rather be more like Bazz than want to be with him, and it leaves him a little skittish.

Bazz has a nice house, a  _ massive _ and sprawling one, and when Sosuke pulls up to the front door, he can hear music spilling through the wood. It makes him smile even as he digs the spare key he’d been given out of his pocket, sliding it onto his own keyring with a kind of finality. He doesn’t want to lose it. It’s precious to him, now, after all.

He opens the door and the music jumps about fifteen levels in volume alone.

Bazz swings toward him from where he appears to be straightening up the living room to the crooning strains of a band Sosuke doesn’t recognize. Then he vaults across the living room, smacking his phone out of its dock. “Hi, baby! Welcome home. How was work?”

Sosuke laughs and shakes his head, setting his bag down on the floor beside the door, trading his shoes for slippers as he shuts the front door. “It was fine. How was your day?”

“I was down in the studio for most of the morning listening to some tracks Yumichika and I were working on together outside of the band to see like… What we had.” Bazz hurries up to him like a puppy, holding his arms out. Always giving Sosuke the option without any of the pressure. “You look so fucking handsome after the nine to five. How do you do that?”

“Thank you. I try.” Sosuke steps into his arms gratefully, drinking in his warmth and strength and the tender way Bazz draws him close and kisses him on the cheek.

Bazz leans back to kiss him properly on the lips, one arm settling around Sosuke’s waist while the other wraps around his shoulders. “I’m glad you had an okay day. Wanna dance? I just finished cleaning up the living room. I’ve got some waltz music on one of my playlists.”

“What brought this on?” Sosuke glances around the room. It certainly does look clean.

The moment he tilts his head just so, Bazz is there, nosing into his throat and making him squirm and giggle. “I want the place to look nice while you’re here. I mean I keep it  _ clean _ but it’s different having someone here. I can’t justify just leaving shit lying around.”

That Bazz has been thinking about this is touching; Sosuke hadn’t paid it much of a thought, to be honest. “Thank you. It’s cute to see how much you care.”

“Of course I care. I can’t just pitch my chance with you out the window, can I?” Bazz plants a kiss on the side of his neck and Sosuke shivers, his eyes drifting shut. A hand slips into his hair a moment later, freeing it from where he tied it back before leaving it from work, fingers combing it out around his shoulders and down his back. “There you go.”

“Thank you. And believe me, I’m not going to go back on this because you left an empty glass on the coffee table.” Sosuke opens his eyes and tries to put as much meaning into his words as he can, wanting to make sure Bazz understands he  _ wants _ this.

Unlike some men Sosuke knows, Bazz wears his heart on his sleeve and his emotions in his eyes, and he lights up. That joy raises the corners of his lips into a wide smile and his eyes seem brighter, more vibrant. “God, I want to listen to that for the rest of my life. Why don’t you change into something more comfortable? I’ve got like… Food made.”

Sosuke raises an eyebrow playfully. “Are you saying you don’t like the way I’m dressed now? And I thought you were completely hopeless when it came to cooking?”

“You look great in  _ everything _ but it’s like, you’re wearing a suit. You can take it off and put on something more comfortable.” Bazz curls Sosuke’s tie around his hand and gives it a meaningful tug. “And I  _ am _ hopeless in the kitchen but it’s Bambi’s day off from the diner, so I imposed on them and begged them via video chat to help me cook you dinner.”

The thought is so achingly sweet it makes Sosuke’s teeth hurt. “You didn’t have to do that for me. I was thinking about coming home and cooking for you tonight.”

“Well, you don’t have to. I did it already.” Bazz puffs out his chest and he looks so absurdly proud of himself that Sosuke doesn’t know whether to laugh at him or be embarrassed.

He settles for kissing the corner of his mouth. “I’ll just get changed into comfy clothes.”

Though he would have left his clothing in the bags he brought with him, Bazz insisted he hang them up properly and made space in his closet and in his dresser so Sosuke would feel at home. It gives him pause every time he thinks about it because in the entire lead-up to Renji living at their house, Byakuya made it clear he was not allowed to leave his things over. That visiting was fine, that staying over was fine, but it was their marriage house first and foremost, his home with Sosuke. Renji was not allowed to impose on that.

It makes Sosuke wonder if he’s worse than Byakuya for going through with all of this.

_ Those were his rules specifically with Renji. There’s no reason for you to impose anything like that on Bazz, or on yourself, _ he has to remind himself as he closes the door behind him, shrugging out of his clothing piece by piece. It feels good to strip the layers off after a long day.  _ Bazz loves you. You don’t have to play by Byakuya’s rules about this. _

He turns his attention to finding something to wear around the house, perusing the selection of t-shirts and bottoms he brought with him. Most of it he wears around his own house but he feels the need to show off since Bazz cleaned up around the living room and cooked for him. He also maybe wants to see how Bazz would react to see more of his skin, unable to really shake being half-worried that Bazz won’t really like the  _ reality _ of his body so much if he gets to see it in person. He still hasn’t yet.

Part of Sosuke wants to wait and do that with Ulquiorra and Grimmjow present. Another part of him wants to do it without them to prove that he can, that he does have that confidence not only in Bazz but in himself to choose a man who would treat him right.

For now he settles on a happy medium, a soft t-shirt worn thin by so many washes and a pair of very small shorts that he typically uses for working out in warm weather.

He fidgets with the shorts for a minute, debating, analyzing just how much thigh is visible before telling himself to stop  _ worrying _ about it so much. Bazz is attracted to him. Bazz  _ wants _ him. He doesn’t have anything to be so afraid of. It’s an insult to be afraid.

Bazz is waiting for him in the kitchen and has the table set, is just adjusting the placement of the silverware and preening a little over the display when he hears Sosuke coming and turns around. It takes a moment for him to process and then his eyes widen impossibly, eyelids fluttering as if he’s trying to clear vision he suspects to be impaired. Sosuke can see his throat working as he swallows before he finally straightens up and just… Unabashedly stares, not even trying to hide it now.

“You look great,” he murmurs. “I’ve never seen you with that much leg out before.”

“Well, I said I’d change into something comfy.” Sosuke tugs at the bottom of his shirt, feigning innocence as sweetly as he can. “Do you think the shorts are too short?”

Immediately, Bazz shakes his head. “Don’t matter what I think, So. If you like ‘em, then they’re perfect. Now, if what you’re asking me is if they make me uncomfortable, fuck no. You have a gorgeous body and I definitely feel privileged getting to see it.”

How could they all do it? How was it so easy for the three of them to know what he was feeling, to sense his insecurities and calm them? Sosuke doesn’t know if it’s just that he’s been more open with them or if… If Byakuya had seen and stopped caring.

Hadn’t he said he was tired of picking up the pieces? Tired of this?

“Hey.” Bazz steps closer to him, takes Sosuke’s wrist gently in one hand. “Your face got all closed-off and sad. You thinking about him? Forget him. He’s not here right now.”

“Can I be honest with you?” He may as well air it out with someone, after all.

Slowly, Bazz pulls out a chair and sits Sosuke down in it, then lowers himself to his knees, resting his chin on Sosuke’s thigh as he looks up at him. “Yeah. Always, baby.”

“What are you doing on the floor?” Fond exasperation slips into his voice as he stretches a hand out, combing his fingers through Bazz’s hair, feeling the soft texture of it between his fingers. How can he keep it so soft when he uses so much product in it?”

“Yum used to say it was easier to talk about the big stuff when I didn’t look so… Big. Physically imposing, I guess, ‘cause I’m a big dude. So I’d get down on the floor real small for him and he said it made it easier.” Bazz tilts toward his touch like a cat, then tilts a bit more and brushes his lips along Sosuke’s forearm, the skin there warming beneath his lips. “And you’re getting ready to tell me something that you think is gonna upset me, so I don’t want you thinking of me as like… The big dude you’re about to piss off.”

The consideration makes Sosuke’s chest ache in a sharp, keen way he doesn’t believe he has the words to express at the current moment. “You’re an angel. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Bazz looks up at him, flashes him a gentle smile. “Now tell me.”

“Sometimes, one of you says something to reassure me like you’d known it was on my mind. I mean, sometimes I suppose it’s on display as well. Dressing like this… I wanted to know if you found me attractive or not.” It feels so childish to say it out loud, like he’s back in high school and wondering about whether or not a cute boy thinks he’s handsome or if he just wants free math tutoring. That’s how it feels to admit this where someone else can hear it, and it takes all of Sosuke’s self-control not to cringe at himself.

Bazz’s smile fades around the edges and he turns his head again, pressing his cheek against Sosuke’s thigh. “I mean, I don’t want to make you feel gross, but yeah. I’m super into you. On more than just a physical level, but on a physical level, too. Like, you have an amazing body. It’s so like… Toned but… Svelte? That’s a word people use, right?”

“Yes, it is. And thank you.” Sosuke pets down the side of Bazz’s head, his heart brimming with far more positive feelings than he can handle right now.

“If you ever wanna know something like that, you can just ask me. I’ll be honest, and I won’t make you feel bad for asking. I promise.” Bazz catches his wrist, then kisses the cup of his palm, refusing to drop eye contact the entire time. “What other examples?”

Bazz was right. He is likely going to be angry. “I had Byakuya tell me that he still doesn’t understand any of my issues at the same time Grimmjow was telling me he would do anything for me. It’s… Very hard. I felt like I was making a mistake in how I was speaking to him that he didn’t understand me, and yet all of you just seem to pick up on it.”

“What issues?” Bazz lifts his head, his eyes soft. “Anything I can help you with?”

_ There’s nothing I can do anymore. _

Sosuke wets his lips and sighs. “I have confidence issues where other men are concerned. Byakuya tends to favor… Very masculine men and so it always feels like he is subtly telling me that he really wants something different than what I can provide him.”

“Christ. Baby. I’m so sorry.” Bazz shifts forward then, the bulk of his body forcing Sosuke to spread his legs to make room for him, and he yelps softly when Bazz’s arms slide around him, pulling him close, hugging him around the middle. “I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.”

“It’s a work in progress. I suppose it doesn’t help that he’s at home right now with his boyfriend and he’s let me walk away from him again.” That stings more than Sosuke wants to admit, as much as he keeps telling himself not to worry over it so much.

But Byakuya keeps letting him walk away. When he said there was nothing he could do anymore, did he mean he was willing to just let their entire marriage fall apart?

“Tell me how I can make it better for you.” Bazz leans back to look up at him, his hands soothing the small of Sosuke’s back. “Like I obviously can’t fix it, but what are some ways that you’ll feel more assured in this relationship? I want that for you.”

_ Why is it so much easier for you to handle the problems of a brand new relationship? Why don’t you just view it as unnecessary baggage when things should be fun? _ “Just… Tell me why you chose me, from time to time. Remind me that you actually do want me.”

He watches Bazz cycle through emotions so rapidly that for a moment he thinks Bazz may be on the verge of a breakdown of his own before he takes a slow, deep breath and nods once. “You got it. Well, one of the reasons I want you as my partner is that you’re so fucking gentle it hurts me. Like it causes me physical pain to see how considerate you are and how hard you try for other people. I’ve always loved that about you.”

“I feel like that isn’t a fair assertion of me as a person when we’ve fought so much over the dumbest things,” Sosuke murmurs, remembering all of the PR arguments with a wince.

Bazz leans forward and very kindly kisses his stomach through his shirt. “And I forgive you for all of that because we stressed each other out pretty equally. But we’re working on that. And I want to work on it because I think you’re worth all the effort it takes.”

And there he goes, again. Sosuke smiles down at him. “Worth learning how to cook for?”

“Yes!” Bazz is on his feet in seconds and Sosuke envies that energy, and then he’s being pushed up to the table. Bazz is too strong. “It’s just, like, chicken, but I swear I ate a piece from the center to make sure it was cooked. If one of us had to get sick—”

Sosuke leans back to look up at him, offering him a small smile. “Thank you.”

“No problem. I enjoyed it.” Bazz kisses him on the forehead, and it feels so sweet that it seeps into every bone in Sosuke’s body. “Eat your fill. I made it just for you.”

The chickn is tender and juicy with just a touch of interesting sweetness; everything tastes wonderful and Sosuke eats probably more than he should, but it’s delicious. He moans around a particularly flavorful bite and doesn’t miss the way Bazz’s face goes a few shades closer to his hair color, smiling around his fork at the sight. All in all, it’s a lovely meal. It means all the more to him because Bazz truly cannot cook, but he still found the time to learn how to make something Sosuke might enjoy because he wanted to surprise him. Cleaned up the living room for him, let Sosuke move into his closet, and got down on his knees to reassure the tender, vulnerable part of him still in need of protection.

When they finish eating, Sosuke climbs into Bazz’s lap without hesitation, throwing his legs across those very muscular thighs. It’s amusing to watch Bazz’s face go pink at the contact even as he settles an arm around Sosuke’s waist like it’s meant to go there.

“You’ve been in love with me for a very long time,” he says, and Bazz nods like this is just… Anything. Maybe to him, it is. He’s lived with it for so long that it must seem normal to him now. “I’m sorry for not seeing it sooner. I’m sorry if the way I acted toward you or what I said hurt you more because you were also in love with me.”

Bazz drags his teeth over his lower lip. “I mean, I got used to it. You were like… The unattainable dream. ‘Cause I knew Byakuya would kill me if I went near you.”

“That doesn’t make it okay. You’ve made me this lovely dinner and you’ve taken such good care of me in a very hard part of my life.” Sosuke kisses the side of his neck. This close, he can hear the quickness of Bazz’s pulse. Is he shy about this?

“You have any idea how long I’ve been waiting to do it, though?” Bazz squeezes his waist gently. “I just had time to perfect it. And believe me, it’s gratifying.”

Bazz is too sweet and perfect like a prince out of a storybook. It makes Sosuke remember how many times he thought of his own life as a fairytale. How often he waited for a prince to come and sweep him off of his feet. “You’re doing a very good job.”

“I’m glad. I just want to make you happy. I want to make you feel as good as you deserve to feel.” Bazz brushes their noses together, and it’s so soft. “Now, how about that dance?”

Music is still wafting softly through the house now; he must have set it when Sosuke went upstairs to change, when Sosuke was too inside of his own head to notice. “I’d love to.”

They push the coffee table up against the couch to give them more room and Bazz switches the music before pulling Sosuke into his arms. It’s a lazy sort of waltz with longer, gliding steps that never take them very far away from each other; Bazz matches every step Sosuke takes back, draws him forward when he retreats. He’s aware of Bazz’s body the entire time, the warmth of his skin and the strength of his muscles and how deceptively graceful he is. He’s a surprisingly good dancer.

And he’s strong, able to twirl Sosuke and dip him like he doesn’t weigh anything at all.

“You’re good at this,” he muses aloud, giggling when Bazz twirls him again, spinning him with ease on the hardwood flooring. “I didn’t realize you were so good at dancing.”

“I’m good at what matters,” Bazz tells him, pulling Sosuke up against his chest before spinning him out again. “Besides, it’s fun. And I figured I’d need to learn if I ever ended up getting married one day and we had to do that whole first dance thing.”

Bazz, married? The thought is surprisingly sweet, though Sosuke wonders  _ how _ that could ever be… Maybe something symbolic in the future, since Grimmjow and Ulquiorra are already engaged. “Well, you’re going to make your future spouse a very happy person.”

“I hope so.” Bazz ends the song with Sosuke half-cradled in his arms, pulling him up from a dip. “I want to be a good husband. I guess I’ll be getting free tips from the happy couple when they get married, at least. I wanna do it all right.”

Sosuke smiles softly up at him. “Well, you’re doing very well with me.”

“I’m glad.” Bazz shifts, lays all of Sosuke’s weight against one of his arms and cups his jaw, cradling it gently, fingers brushing along his cheek. “Baby, can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to ask.” But it’s charming, and Sosuke pulls him down into the kiss happily.

On a very base level, there’s something attractive about being held in the arms of a strong and powerful man, especially when his lips move so slow and tenderly. Bazz kisses him with care and keeps his arm locked in place so Sosuke feels secure with his weight half-off his feet, the other hand wandering up into his hair to cradle the back of his head. He feels so cared for and warm right now, so safe and secure. It makes him think of falling asleep between Ulquiorra and Grimmjow. It makes him remember not being able to see, not being able to use his hands, and still being certain he was entirely safe.

He doesn’t have to have dated Bazz for as long as he has Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. The two of them have known each other for years, and most of them have been good years. He knows Bazz would never hurt him because he’s had countless opportunities already.

And he’s bundled all of those opportunities into moments to make Sosuke feel better.

Sosuke shifts back onto his feet so he can give as good as he gets, wrapping a hand around the back of Bazz’s neck to keep him close as he deepens the kiss. The passion is there, ignited by the cautious wet brush of his tongue; Bazz groans softly against his lips, hand pressed against the small of his back to urge him just a little closer.

“You have such a nice mouth,” Bazz murmurs. “Those soft lips… I could do this ‘til I die.”

“Couch,” Sosuke says, giving his shirt a gentle tug. “Let’s make out on your couch like we’re seventeen and we don’t have to worry about our parents walking in on us.”

The fact Bazz can pick him up and physically toss him onto the couch is absolutely unfair but Sosuke swallows his complaints the moment Bazz lies down on top of him, propped up on his forearms, legs carefully arranged so Sosuke isn’t squashed beneath him. But he can run his hands over Bazz’s chest, feel the muscles there ripple and flex and twitch under his fingers while Bazz kisses him. And he kisses like Sosuke is air and he needs him, curling their tongues together until Sosuke whimpers into his mouth, pulling him down closer.

He’s so warm. It’s like curling up in front of a fire and the house is just cool enough from the air conditioning to make it perfect, to make Sosuke arch up against him for more.

“Your lips are so pink now.” Bazz catches Sosuke’s lower lip between his teeth, runs them over it so carefully, and Sosuke shudders all over at the sensation. “I used to think about what kissing you would be like. I felt like kissing you would’ve ruined you or something.”

“No, baby. You can’t do that. You could never.” It makes his heart hurt to think of how little Bazz thinks of himself. He should think so much higher instead.

Bazz kisses him again, more a wet brush of lips than anything else. “I know that now. But God, for the longest time I thought of you as… Like an angel. Even when you said all that mean shit to me, I thought you were perfect. I still think you’re perfect.”

“No one is perfect.” Sosuke wishes he could quiet his heart, beating so desperately against his ribs as if to tell him that if he doesn’t pull Bazz down against him, the traitorous organ is going to escape his body to get closer itself. “We were just discussing my flaws before we ate. You know as well as anyone else at this point that I’m not—”

Before he can continue, Bazz quiets him with another kiss, tongue sweeping through his mouth, sucking the words off of his tongue. “And I don’t give a shit. You’re perfect, So, just the way you are. And we’re gonna work together to make sure you’re happy all the time. I’m gonna keep that pretty smile on your face if it kills me.”

God help him, but Sosuke believes he actually means it, too.

They kiss until Bazz is lying full on top of him, one arm under Sosuke’s head to pillow it, the other tucked down against his side, fingers curling around his hip. It reminds him of how precarious the positions of their bodies are, they way they’re lined up.

He remembers Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, the pressure of Ulquiorra’s thigh between his legs, the soft whisper of his voice. “Do you think we can go up to your bedroom?”

Bazz has to physically drag himself from where his lips have been tracing a soft wet path down the side of Sosuke’s throat. “Couch not big enough for you after all?”

“I don’t want to do this on a couch,” Sosuke clarifies, and Bazz leans far back to look down at him. “It feels cheap to do it on a couch. I think we deserve better than that.”

“We don’t have to have sex. I wouldn’t make you do that.” It comes out of Bazz’s mouth so fast that Sosuke almost has whiplash from it. “Like… Kissing is good. I love kissing you.”

Gently, Sosuke pets his cheek. “I’m not doing it because I think you want me to.”

“Then you want… Oh.” Bazz blinks a handful of times, then frowns. “You sure you don’t want them here with you? I know you said they backed you up the first time.”

They did; Ulquiorra was a reassuring presence when he bared himself for the first time, but Sosuke would like to think he can do it alone this time. That he can trust Bazz to behave himself. “They did. But I think just the two of us will be fine for this.”

“You’re not still tender from whatever you did with Quiorra?” Bazz’s brow furrows. “I don’t wanna make you more sore or aggravate anything.”

He’s so considerate it makes Sosuke’s heart hurt. “I’m perfectly fine. He didn’t even leave marks on me. If you don’t want to have sex, of course, that’s fine, but—”

“Oh, I want to. Believe me when I say I want to.” Bazz shifts above him, looking torn. “I just want to make sure it’s good for you. That’s the most important part to me.”

Then Sosuke can, in good conscious, do it with just the two of them. “I’m sure you’ll take wonderful care of me as you have been. Now take me up to bed. I want you.”

Bazz carries him up to the bedroom, because of course he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all are getting the full scene next chapter uwu~


	28. tender loving care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** explicit sexual content, oral sex, very mild bdsm, body worship undertones, praise kink undertones

Once or twice in his life, Bazz may have fantasized about what an evening spent with Aizen Sosuke would be like. Some of those fantasies included ropes and chains and blindfolds for the sake of the fact he knew Sosuke owned Las Noches and worked there as a Dominant as his night job, but some of the fantasies were vanilla. They always featured Bazz on his knees, either literally or metaphorically, so he could worship Sosuke the way he deserved to be worshipped. Part of that was that he’d always been able to pick up on that dominant personality of his, but now… There are about a thousand more reasons now.

None of the fantasies included these tiny shorts, though, and Bazz wishes his hands were free so he could adjust his dick in his jeans. As it is, he has one arm in the small of Sosuke’s back and the other tucked beneath his bare thighs. “Not that I’m complaining, So, but those shorts are killing me in the best way. Wear them all the time.”

“You don’t think they’re too short, then?” Sosuke stretches a hand down, adjusts where the hem of a leg lays against his thigh, giving Bazz a flash of something purple under the fabric.  _ Purple underwear? _ “I’ll keep that in mind the next time I get too warm.”

“You could just take everything off if you’re hot,” Bazz offers, and Sosuke laughs at him.

The walk upstairs together is quite an event with Sosuke’s shorts displaying  _ way _ more than Bazz thought was possible, but they reach the bedroom just when his limited supply of self-control runs out. He just  _ has _ to pull Sosuke into his arms to kiss him properly again the moment he sets him on his feet, hands resting gently on his shoulders, fingers splayed over the slopes of them as their lips brush together before pressing in close. Does he have any idea how soft his lips are? They would probably feel amazing on Bazz’s dick— He’s not going to  _ ask _ for that, though, not when the offer was not put on the table.

No, he wants this to go at Sosuke’s pace. He wants Sosuke to be in complete control so he can feel confident and assured. Anything he needs, Bazz will give it to him.

“How do you want to do this, baby?” he asks, cradling Sosuke’s cheek, thumbing over his damp lower lip. “Tell me where you want me and what you want me to do.”

“Do you trust me?” Sosuke asks him, and Bazz nods immediately. “No, I want you to really stop and think about that. Would you trust me the same way you trusted Ulquiorra?”

_ Oh. _ Does he want to turn this into a scene so he can get through it easier? “Do you want to Dom me while we’re doing this? Is that what you need to do?”

Sosuke shakes his head, picks up a strand of Bazz’s hair and twists it around his fingers, tugging lightly at his scalp. “No. Not in a true sense, but I want you to listen to everything I tell you to do. Since it’s just the two of us, I need you to listen to me.”

Because he has no one to fall back on if things go wrong, somehow, or if Bazz fucks this up and manages to hurt him. Granted, he’s pretty sure he would throw himself out the window and plummet to his death on the driveway before he did something like that, or  _ especially _ if he did do it. But he knows this must be hard for Sosuke and cannot possibly imagine what he must be going through to trust Bazz to do this for him. Even if he does trust Bazz, there must still be some part of him that is afraid of the reaction, a part of him that likely came from people treating him poorly in the past. That  _ hurts _ to think about.

“I trust you.” Bazz sinks down to his knees again to illustrate his point, taking Sosuke’s hands in his own, kissing both of them as gently as he can. “I love you. Anything you need to make this easier on you, it’s yours. I’ll do anything for you. I want this to be a good experience for you, so whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it.”

Sosuke inhales softly and nods once, and Bazz thinks he’s handling this so fucking well for someone who’s been having a rough go of life lately. “Thank you. I’m going to ask you to be the one who undresses me. Take as much or as little time as you want to.”

“You want me to? You’re sure?” Bazz thinks he may have died somewhere in the middle of those words, that he might be a corpse crouched on the ground while his soul floats away.

“Yes. I’m sure.” Sosuke takes his hands back, pats Bazz on the top of the head.

Bazz climbs back up to his feet, his hands quivering just slightly so that he has to give them a little shake to clear up some of the nerves. How can he be this nervous over something so simple and small? It’s a miracle he can even hold his shit together at this rate. Sosuke should sock him in the face for being this embarrassing, honestly.

He curls his fingers in the bottom of Sosuke’s shirt, feeling how soft and thin the cotton is. “Not to hover, but you’re sure you want this, right? You really want it?”

“I want you,” Sosuke says without hesitation, and Bazz swallows hard at how that hits him. “I want you to undress me so we can have sex. Yes, Bazz, I’m sure.”

“Okay. I won’t ask again.” Bazz gives him a brief kiss and then pulls the shirt up and over his head, letting it slip from his fingertips to puddle on the floor.

He’s seen Sosuke shirtless before but it’s not like the view is unappreciated, the lean muscle on display, the broad shoulders and slim waist, the faint definition of a six pack that could be tight if he wanted it to be. Instead, he looks like he takes good care of himself. The scars are visible, of course, but Bazz knows what they are, and why they’re there, and he doesn’t linger on them. They’re the badges of honor Sosuke wears to live the life he was always meant to live. Bazz is so stupidly proud of him for coming this far.

When he brushes a finger over one brown nipple, Sosuke gasps softly, teeth nipping at his own lower lip.  _ Sensitive.  _ “You’re a gorgeous guy, y’know. And I’ve seen a lot of hot guys on tour. You really do take the fucking cake in more ways than one.”

“You think so?” Sosuke looks him directly in the eye, as if issuing a silent challenge.

Bazz nods, slipping a hand into the small of his back to pull him closer. “I fucking  _ know _ so.”

He knows there’s still two layers of clothing to go but he can’t really resist when he sees Sosuke like this, pulling him in close so he can press a kiss to his bare chest. Sosuke’s body is flawless— the scars aren’t  _ imperfections, _ not in Bazz’s eyes— and Bazz wants to worship him, wants to lick and kiss every single part of his body until there’s no part of him that feels untouched, undeserving. He settles for this for now, tracing a wet path down his chest to the nipple he’d toyed with. When he licks over it, Sosuke moans for him.

“That’s such a pretty sound,” he rasps, flicking his tongue out against it again. “I hope you’re that vocal the whole time ‘cause it’s gonna blow my ego to hell and back.”

“You have to earn every noise,” Sosuke tells him, and his cock throbs in answer.

A challenge? He could really get into that. “I’ll make sure I do. You this sensitive all over? Because I’m gonna wreck you if your body answers this well to everything.”

“You’re doing a lot of standing around and not enough finding out,” Sosuke quips.

Bazz responds by running his tongue over Sosuke’s nipple again, pressing hard into the small of his back so that he arches forward into Bazz’s mouth. His skin tastes clean and warm, and the soft little noises he makes in the back of his throat every time Bazz licks at him is so rewarding. He definitely wants to wring as many sounds from Sosuke’s throat as he can, feel his body come to life under Bazz’s touch. When he sucks, Sosuke moans for him again, one hand sliding into his hair, winding tight in the strands to hold him in place.

Both of his nipples are sensitive, as Bazz discovers when he licks his way across Sosuke’s chest, his tongue brushing over the edge of a scar before he finds his target. If it bothers Sosuke to have those marks touched, he doesn’t display it in any way.

“God, you’re perfect.” Bazz kisses the center of his chest, blows a soft breath across his nipples, damp still from his mouth, and Sosuke whimpers. “Lower, now?”

“Please.” Sosuke pushes him down to his knees again, and Bazz goes without a fight.

Sosuke has nice legs, too, long and toned from whatever workouts he favors. He doesn’t shave them, ether, which is fine as far as Bazz is concerned. He knows Yumichika waxes religiously but body hair has never bothered him no matter what gender it’s on, and Sosuke is definitely no different. He brushes a purposeful kiss along the trail of thin, scant hair that trails down his lower belly to the top of his shorts just because he can.

“You’re ridiculous,” Sosuke tells him, gasping when Bazz licks the skin just above the waistband. “Stop that and take my clothes off. You’re such a tease.”

“You think this is teasing? I’ll have to show you what teasing is some day.” Bazz slips a hand up the back of his thigh, copping a feel just because he can. “You have  _ such _ nice thighs. You should put my head between them and then crush it. I’d be so into that.”

Sosuke groans and rolls his eyes. “You and Grimmjow both. He told me to do it, too.”

“He’s got great taste.” Bazz presses a kiss to the inside of Sosuke’s thigh up near the hem of his shorts. “Let me help you out of these. I’m sure it’s starting to get uncomfortable.”

Gently, Bazz tugs the shorts down, helping Sosuke balance so he can step out of them. The briefs underneath the shorts are tiny and purple just like he thought they were, clinging to Sosuke’s skin and leaving very little to the imagination. He can even see the fabric darker near his actual crotch and shoves a hand down on his dick, trying to fix it under his jeans. How the hell can Sosuke be so sexy without even having to do anything? And he’s turned on, which means Bazz may actually be doing somewhat of a good job.

“These are cute.” Bazz breathes over the front of them because he can, watching Sosuke squirm. “Am I allowed to touch? Tell me what’s okay and what’s not okay.”

“As long as it’s someone I trust to respect my body and my identity, I don’t necessarily have any limits when it comes to touch.” Sosuke shifts a little on his feet and Bazz wonders if he can just… Mouth at him through the fabric to see what his reaction to that would be. “It’s a vagina. Call it what it is. No nasty names. No pet names.”

Bazz nods, wrapping his hands around Sosuke’s thighs, thumbs brushing along the soft insides up near his crotch. “Noted. So, what are things you like to do? For your benefit, not mine. I wanna know what’s going to make you feel the best you can.”

“I like oral sex.” Sosuke swallows when Bazz shifts closer on his knees, half-brushing a kiss over his mound through the briefs. He can smell how aroused Sosuke is, and it makes his dick all the harder. “Penetration is enjoyable when I’m thoroughly prepared.”

“Just vaginal sex? Or do you like anal sex, too?” For the briefest of moments, Bazz imagines Sosuke between him and Grimmjow, him and Ulquiorra. He almost ruins his boxers.

Sosuke’s breath hitches softly. “Both. The latter requires more preparation, of course.”

“Of course,” Bazz echoes, wrapping an arm around Sosuke’s waist to keep him on his feet.

He knows what he can do now and he does it, kissing Sosuke through the cotton, mouthing over his mound and lower. Even with the cotton in the way, he can feel the part in Sosuke’s labia and presses his tongue there, tracing it along that slit, back and then up where he can feel something pressing back against him. The contact is enough to have Sosuke gasping even with the underwear in the way and Bazz hums, slips his hand down the back of Sosuke’s underwear, squeezing his ass. The perfect combination of soft and firm.

_ How the hell can you be like a fantasy come to life and not realize how flawless you are? _

“I can taste you through the fabric.” Bazz  _ sucks _ and Sosuke keens softly, arching against his mouth, rutting down against him. “I wanna see you naked so bad.”

“Then take the rest of my clothes off of me and have me.” Sosuke gives his hair a gentle tug and Bazz gets the message, leaning back so he can slide the underwear down.

On an intellectual level, Bazz knew what he would be seeing when Sosuke was naked in front of him for the first time. He did his research walking into this with the thought in the back of his head that Sosuke would probably appreciate it more if he had a general idea of what to expect. Nothing surprises him about this, and he shifts forward on his knees once more as soon as Sosuke is naked, pressing a kiss directly against his mound, the soft curls of hair there an odd but familiar texture against his lips.

“Just like I thought,” he says. “You’re even handsomer than I’d ever imagined.”

Sosuke scoffs down at him but he sees the burn in his eyes; the words mean a lot to him. “Thank you. Now, you’re in a very compromising position. Will you make use of it?”

“Do you trust me to be able to support your weight and hold you up?” Bazz speaks the words right against him just to watch him shudder in reaction.

A leg is thrown up on his shoulder a moment later, warm soft skin brought closer to his mouth as a result. “I know how strong you are. I know you won’t let me fall.”

He’s more brazen now, Bazz notices, as if something as simple as Bazz having the correct reaction to the sight of his naked body is reassuring enough for him. Bazz doesn’t question it; he slides his mouth lower when Sosuke’s hand comes to rest on top of his head, nudging it just down far enough that his lower lip slides over the very top of Sosuke’s slit. And Bazz knows how to do this, tongue slipping between the soft pink curves of his labia to tease along the soft velvety hood there. His clit is already slipping free of it, though, long enough that Bazz can catch it between his lips and suck properly if he wants to.

The muscles in Sosuke’s thigh twitch against his cheek, and he smiles as his eyes dart up to where Sosuke is watching him. Lazy, unhurried fingers comb through his hair, holding it back out of his eyes; Sosuke’s own eyes are warm and lidded and soft, hazy even.

“If you do a good enough job of it,” Sosuke tells him, “I’ll let you fuck me after.”

_ Fuck. _ The words shoot down Bazz’s spine and tighten hot and low in his gut, making his jeans all the tighter across the front. He exhales against Sosuke’s folds. “You got it.”

He has to shift position to make sure he can support Sosuke’s weight, hiking his leg up a little higher on his shoulder, splaying a hand over the swell of his ass. His other arm winds around Sosuke’s other thigh, keeping it stable as he closes his eyes and presses a slow, reverent kiss to the soft flesh of Sosuke’s outer folds. Then his tongue again, tracing along the very edge of Sosuke’s slit where the flesh gives the most easily, petaling open around the gentle intrusion. He can spend all day just like this.

Sosuke tastes earthy with just a hint of sweet, just enough to have Bazz chasing that note as he licks along the inside of his labia. Soft and wet, his arousal clear now. Bazz feels a little thrill at the thought he managed to excite Sosuke like this.

He wonders how many times he can make him come with nothing more than his mouth.

The length of his clit turns out to be more than Bazz expects but he rolls with it, running the flat of his tongue along the shaft before taking it between his lips to suck. It’s sensitive and Sosuke moans above him, spasming in Bazz’s grip, fingers tightening in his hair. It might be a lot but he  _ likes _ it so Bazz keeps it up, alternating between sweet little kitten-like licks and longer, more indulgent sucks that have Sosuke shifting in his arms.

“You good?” he asks, flicking his tongue against Sosuke’s clit. “Do we need to go to bed?”

Immediately, Sosuke shakes his head, tightens his grip in Bazz’s hair and shoves him closer to his crotch. “Absolutely not. Go back to work if you want that reward.”

Emboldened, Bazz dives back down, tongue tracing a wet path down to the opening of Sosuke’s vagina, which is  _ drenched _ and nearly dripping. His chin’s wet in seconds the moment he dares to slide his tongue inside, tasting the earthy sweetness up close and at the source. He can hear the soft, small noises of pleasure Sosuke makes for him, can feel the way Sosuke rocks his hips hesitantly, trying to match the rhythm of Bazz’s tongue.

Oral sex appeals to Bazz; he’s talented with his tongue and tries to show off now, twisting it and thrusting it in deeper, curling it and pushing it against Sosuke’s inner walls until the soft noises above him bloom into louder, longer moans. The last time he’d done something like this for a guy, it was rimming, and there’s a stark contrast. Sosuke’s walls aren’t perfectly smooth of course, rippling around Bazz’s tongue, wetter and softer and hotter. The bridge of his nose bumps against Sosuke’s clit, and he hopes that feels good, too.

He has to shift his thighs around his own erection, the hand on Sosuke’s ass creeping forward, fingers brushing at the edges of his labia, back to where his tongue fervently thrusts as deep as it can go. There are some things he just can’t reach with it.

When he slips a finger inside along with his tongue, he’s shocked at how easy it is not just with the slick slide of the natural lubrication but that Sosuke takes it so well with how tight he feels. Bazz rewards him for it, licking up his clit once more as he presses his finger into that spot of flesh where the texture is just different enough to be noticeable. The nerves there catch on fire the moment Bazz dares to touch him.

“Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck. _ ” Sosuke’s hand tightens further in his hair and Bazz groans low in his throat at the pull against his scalp. “Just like that. Don’t stop doing it like that.”

So this is how he likes it? Bazz can do that. He laps over Sosuke’s clit and sucks it hard, sliding his lips along the length of it like he’d suck any man’s cock. Two fingers is better than one, massaging that spot inside of him, rubbing in small tight little circles until Sosuke’s hips seize. He grinds his pelvis against Bazz’s face so hard it  _ aches. _ He knows he’s going to be feeling it in his jaw for at least the rest of the day.

Not that he minds, not when Sosuke comes around his fingers, sticky on his tongue.

“Stop, stop.” Sosuke pushes his mouth away and Bazz leans back to look up at him, his mouth and chin wet, his breathing slightly labored. “Your mouth feels far too good.”

“Is there any such thing as too good?” Bazz grins up at him, easily bearing the increase of weight in his arms when Sosuke’s muscles threaten to give out on him.

Sosuke raises an eyebrow down at him. “A good question. It’s up for debate.”

“We’ll find out one day. You can just have my mouth as long as you want.” Because he’s a bastard, and because he can, Bazz uses his grip on Sosuke to tip the man over his shoulder even as he stands, laughing when Sosuke swears and smacks him on the back. Even through the fabric of his t-shirt, it stings. “You gonna punish me for acting up?”

“I should. You’re ridiculous.” Sosuke’s hand darts down suddenly and squeezes Bazz’s ass, and he swears he almost drops him out of shock. “Set me down on the bed.  _ Honestly. _ ”

The tone of his voice has Bazz smirking despite himself, but with as much gentleness as he can muster, he lies Sosuke down on the bed. “See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

He yelps when Sosuke slings a leg around his waist and yanks him down, their bodies pressed close together. “Do that to me again without permission and I’ll take you over my knee. Based on the way you tend to act, though, I’m starting to think it’s what you want.”

“Maybe it is.” Bazz shifts a little, presses his denim-clad thigh right up against Sosuke’s folds, listening to the pretty way his breath hitches. “But let’s give you what you want.”

If Sosuke wants it, Bazz would get down on his knees and go down on him again. But Sosuke reaches for the bottom of his shirt instead, and Bazz lets him have it, stretching his arms over his head so Sosuke can yank the entire thing off of him. Possessive, surprisingly soft hands drag down the length of Bazz’s chest, fingers exploring the dips between his muscles, the lines carved out by his abdominals. He stands perfectly still and lets Sosuke explore as much as he wants, trying to ignore how flushed and hot he feels.

“Having fun?” he asks when the heat of it all finally gets too much for him.

Sosuke smiles up at him and nods, spreading his thighs wider. “Of course. Why don’t you finish undressing for me now? You must have been waiting for quite some time.”

_ Years, _ Bazz thinks dizzily. “Yeah. Get comfortable while I undress and grab some lube. Don’t care how wet oral gets you, I’m not small in any sense of the word. It’ll hurt without.”

There is always the chance Sosuke sees his dick and taps out, but Bazz would hardly hold it against him. He knows how rough it can be; sometimes being blessed with a sizeable cock isn’t actually the fantasy every man expects it to be. His partners can only stretch so much and more than once bottoming out would have been torturously painful.

He has lube in the nightstand drawer— hey, he’s been keeping himself occupied with his own hand, he likes it to feel good— and tosses his jeans and boxers on the floor, breathing a little sigh of relief when he gets the confining fabric off. He’s hard, the head of his dick almost purple from the lack of touch and just how turned on he was being on his knees for Sosuke. They ought to do that more often, and with more guidelines and rules.

“Oh.” Sosuke lays with his head on Bazz’s pillow, one arm lying loosely above his head, the other folded over his stomach. “You weren’t kidding. It is very large.”

“Too large? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” Bazz pulls himself up on the mattress, sets the lubricant down beside Sosuke’s hip as he settles between his thighs. “I was real careful of Grimmjow the first time, too. And Quiorra.”

Sosuke looks thoughtful. “I don’t think I’ve ever had trouble taking a man, so we can try. Just go slow and use plenty of lube, and I think we’ll be fine. Can I touch it?”

What kind of question is that? “Of course you can. Have at it— Fuck.”

Sosuke’s hand feels like heaven wrapped around his cock, stroking over the hot, tight flesh with a curious expression on his face. “Do I need to suck you off before you can go?”

“No. Absolutely not.” Bazz can’t really stop his hips from the way they rock up into Sosuke’s fist, grinding against the grip of his fingers. “I’m not gonna wait that long to get it back up so I can fuck you. Maybe we can do that next time or something.”

“I’ve never known a man who turns down a free blowjob. You are an interesting one.” Sosuke rubs his thumb over the head and Bazz hisses softly at the sensation.

He picks up the lube, uncaps it, and spills some into his palm to properly slick his fingers with. “You’re naked right in front of me and telling me I can fuck you. Why would I want to wait when I can get you off again and get off with you? That’s more exciting to me.”

“Then by all means.” Sosuke plants his feet flat on the mattress, rocks his hips up.

He doesn’t move his hand, though, so Bazz finds himself gritting his teeth as he tries to ignore the slow, languid strokes to his dick while he slips a finger inside of Sosuke. The orgasm made him plenty wet but Bazz wants to be safe about it, wrapping his other hand around Sosuke’s hip while he thrusts his finger in, curling it to open him up. Soft, small, hesitant little sounds of pleasure leave his lips and his eyes flutter shut, his thighs shifting further apart in a silent plea for more. Bazz has never been good at telling him no when it counts, easing another finger inside of him and gasping at the hot grip.

“Relax for me, baby.” He strokes his hand along Sosuke’s hip, down his thigh. “Open up for me and I’ll take good care of you. You know you can trust me.”

Soft, huffy laughter leaves Sosuke’s lips as his eyelids flutter shut, his hand tightening around Bazz’s cock just a touch. “I do. God help me, but I do trust you.”

Bazz grins and rubs his fingers along his inner walls, feeling them throb and shudder under his touch. He tries not to focus too hard on Sosuke’s g-spot, not wanting to overstimulate him before he’s inside of him, knowing how much worse it would make the experience. But every touch, no matter how gentle, coaxes those soft inner flutters and runs him wetter and hotter. Three fingers go in so easily it makes Bazz groan audibly.

“I think I’m ready,” Sosuke tells him, impatient as always. “Just put it in me.”

Bazz leans down to kiss him, pressing up hard against the front of his pelvis just to taste the choked gasp on his tongue. “You sure you’re ready for it?”

“Yes.” Sosuke squeezes the head of his dick and Bazz swears, fucking into his hand. “Get me the lube and I’ll even get you ready for me. You seem to like what I’m doing to you.”

He hands over the lube without a fight and Sosuke’s hand is around him in seconds, the cool gel making him hiss slightly even as it relieves some of the heat churning in his gut. Sosuke’s too good with his hand, has Bazz harder than he thought possible before, with a cheeky little smile, guiding the head down to where he’s wet and hot and waiting. He bumps the head of Bazz’s cock against his own fingers, trying to get him out of the way.

“All right, all right.” Bazz drags his fingers out, watching Sosuke shudder at the loss. “Go slow. I don’t care how cocky you are, you better not hurt yourself.”

Sosuke flutters his lashes up at him, all faux innocence. “I won’t,” he says, rolling his hips, rubbing the head of Bazz’s cock against him, grinding against his clit. “Get started.”

Bazz takes his time sliding just the head in, the swell of it opening Sosuke up just about as wide as his fingers did, though he doesn’t miss the way Sosuke’s breath catches at the feel of it. Of course, Bazz is not nearly as quiet; he  _ groans _ in admiration of how tight Sosuke’s body hugs his, how wonderful it feels to sink inside of him. It’s almost indulgent, almost too much, too good. It’s every fantasy he’s ever had magnified because this is  _ real, _ Sosuke flushed and hot under him, rocking his hips up to take Bazz deeper inside of him.

He has to go slow. He’s not just long; he’s  _ wide, _ thick enough that even with the lubricant and Sosuke’s own natural wetness, there’s a rub, a touch of friction. Slowly, carefully, Bazz grips his thighs, holds him as still as he can as he works his way inside. He’s too fucking  _ loud _ and he knows it, startled little choked moans and gasps while Sosuke pants softly, squeezes his eyes shut, mewls softly when Bazz has to pull out a little to go deeper.

When his hips settle against the inside of Sosuke’s thighs, he leans over him, a hand planted on the mattress to keep his balance. “How’re you doing down there?”

“It’s… A lot,” Sosuke finally manages, and Bazz laughs softly and nods once. “You weren’t kidding. Just go slow, though. It might be big but it feels  _ good. _ ”

_ God, he’s amazing. _ “You got it. Just take deep breaths and I’ll take care of you.”

“I know you will.” He says that so openly and so honestly that it makes Bazz’s heart constrict behind his ribs. “Now fuck me so hard I can’t even think about moving.”

Bazz slips one of Sosuke’s legs up onto his shoulder to open him up wider, pulling out just a few centimeters before sliding back in. The rhythm is a familiar one to him but it’s made new by it being Sosuke beneath him, reaching up to wrap a hand in his hair, yanking him down for a kiss. Sosuke’s lips against his, Sosuke’s tongue slipping into his mouth, Sosuke’s nails dragging down the back of his neck. It’s Sosuke arching up against him, pleased by his touch and his body and all the care and consideration he’s been showing him.

Bazz has wanted this for so long it feels unreal to have it now. To have Sosuke beneath him, in his arms, wrapped around him. When he tilts his head, he brushes his lips along Sosuke’s calf, laughing softly when Sosuke groans and tightens around him. Even the littlest things are affecting him right now and Bazz loves seeing his reactions.

It keeps hitting him over and over, that  _ Aizen Sosuke _ is lying in his bed, naked and warm under him, holding him tight and trying to keep him close. And Bazz can’t help himself, kissing Sosuke as he rocks deeper inside of him, feeling him open up before he ever dares to move faster, move harder. But Sosuke moans for him and drags his nails down Bazz’s back; he hopes there are marks. He hopes Sosuke leaves  _ plenty _ of marks on him.

He wants the entire fucking world to know just how lucky he is.

When Sosuke seizes up around him, his climax sweeping through his body and shoving a cry from his throat, Bazz can’t hold out anymore. The heat inside of him bursts and he throws his head back, choking on his own guttural noises. His body goes lax almost immediately but he holds himself up long enough to slide out of Sosuke, careful with the movement, and lies down next to him. An arm darts out, settling around Sosuke’s waist.  _ Stay close, baby. _

“How do you feel?” he asks, stroking a hand up Sosuke’s side. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Sosuke shakes his head, tilts it so he can look up at Bazz and smile. “No, that was… So wonderful. You were so careful of me and you felt so good.”

“I’m glad.” Bazz kisses him. “I love you, Sosuke. So fucking much.”

When Sosuke giggles up at him, Bazz’s heart nearly fucking explodes. “I love you, too.”

Bazz gives him time to breathe and then cleans them both up, vibrating with happiness. The completion that settles in his gut is new and unexpected, small and fragile, but Bazz is willing to do whatever it takes to nurture this. He wants to make Sosuke happy, to take care of him and worship him and show him just how wonderful and perfect he is.

Hopefully, he has the rest of their lives to make it happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've officially figured out what's going to happen in the third story. y'all i think it's gonna be another rollercoaster and i hope you're ready for it.
> 
> i've also decided that after i finish reflection, i'm going to work on finishing the aishin omegaverse i'm working on. thoughts?


	29. the sweetest sentiments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** none

Tsukishima Shukuro keeps his office in a high-rise building on the other side of the city, the large picture window offering a beautiful view of the city— Usually beautiful, at least. Today, the sky is grey and rain drizzles down upon the buildings, painting the world into a curious half-darkness that seems to seep into the room at its very edges. It takes none of the color away, though, which Ulquiorra appreciates more than words can say.

His artist’s eye loved the jewel tones of blue, violet, and green that made up the room with the furniture a stark black to set a contrast. Tsukishima himself is sitting behind the desk when Ulquiorra walks in, so he turns around and locks the door for him. Keeping their meetings confidential is important to Tsukishima, so Ulquiorra supposes it should be to him, too. There are new crayon drawings framed on the wall and he takes his time in examining each one with a fond little smile on his lips. While he knows none of the other patients that Tsukishima sees beyond a few moments of eye contact in the waiting room, he knows some of them are children and here is the evidence of that.

“Have a seat, Ulquiorra,” Tsukishima says, standing from his desk with his tablet in one hand and a small notepad in the other. “We’ll get started. You called ahead to let me know you wanted to discuss your current relationship status, but I want to check up on you.”

“Of course.” While half of the room is office space, the other half sports a pair of black leather chairs and a matching couch with a long, wide coffee table. Ulquiorra takes one chair, and Tsukishima takes the other. “I’m doing fine. The last week and a half has been tense and a little strange, but I’m feeling happier than I’ve been for a while now.”

Tsukishima’s smile is kind as he pulls a stylus out from behind his ear and starts writing on his tablet. “That’s good to hear. You certainly look better. Still eating every day?”

“Yes. Grimmjow and I went for a walk together this morning before it started raining since his client and this session were in the afternoon.” And it was more than wonderful, just walking around their quiet neighborhood tucked up under Grimmjow’s arm, listening to the birds twitter to one another and enjoying the cool, spring pre-dawn.

“Excellent. And you’ve been going to bed around the same time each night?” Tsukishima makes another note when Ulquiorra nods. “Good. Small habits can really positively influence your mental health. So, what’s changed in your relationship with Grimmjow recently?”

Right. That. Ulquiorra sighs, folds his hands together and shoves them between his thighs. “Sosuke came to see us on Monday night. It’s kind of a long story. I’ll give you the notes.”

It takes about fifteen minutes to lay the entire story out and a few times, Tsukishima stops him to ask for clarification on something before he moves on with his note-taking. Laying it all out feels like recounting the plot of a drama rather than his own life, but he has to accept that this is just how his life is right now. And it’s not a bad life, either.

“You have been through it. I’m surprised you were able to keep up the good habits when it’s easy for them to slip during stressful moments.” Tsukishima sits back in his chair, crosses one long leg over the other. “That’s good. Means we’re making some real progress on your physical health at least. Are you happy with all the choices you made over that time?”

Fidgeting, Ulquiorra shakes his head. “I think I might have been too mean to Renji.”

“It was an emotional moment for both of you, I imagine. Hard not to strike out, but you really shouldn’t because I imagine it’ll make things difficult in the long-run if you are committed to keeping Sosuke with you this time.” More note taking, long agile fingers darting over the screen of the tablet. Sometimes Ulquiorra catches himself off-guard when he remembers how  _ pretty _ Tsukishima is.

He nods, ducking his head. “Yeah, I realized that after. If we’re going to be with him, that means his partners are going to see us more often. Bad blood… Would be bad.”

“That’s why they call it bad blood,” Tsukishima says helpfully, and Ulquiorra chuckles and shakes his head. “It would most likely cause tension, though. I’ve seen it in other polyamorous groups in the past. It can put strain on everyone. But do you think you would be able to play nice with Byakuya given everything you’ve been learning about him?”

What a question. “I don’t honestly know. I didn’t hate him. I still don’t think I really do hate him. But I just kind of want to shake him and ask him why he’s acted like this.”

“Does it make you think back to what happened with Orihime, Chad, and Uryu?” Tsukishima asks. “A similar situation occurred between the three of you, did it not?”

Shit. Ulquiorra… Admittedly did not think about that before coming to this session, and now having it brought up feels like being blindsided. “I guess so, now that you mention it. But I still think I should have been better during that. Communicated more.”

“While I agree communication is important, it is always important from every single member of the relationship,” Tsukishima says, “and that includes your partners, not just you. There’s a difference between withholding information and offering it freely only to have it ignored. The former is a matter of something you can personally control, but the latter is something that involves your partners actively listening to you.”

“I’ll remember that in case we ever have a situation like that happen. I just, I don’t want to be like Byakuya. I don’t want to just accept what Sosuke says at face value so I can wash my hands of any responsibility toward him.” And he’s  _ still _ pissed about that right now.

Tsukishima cocks his head. “Is that how you view the situation that occurred?”

“I have to believe what I was told, obviously, but it seems that way, and I don’t like it.” Ulquiorra picks at a loose thread on the bottom of his shirt, then makes himself stop. “Like, okay, sometimes people are good liars. But I still feel like deciding you’re gonna go out and fuck a guy when your husband just got turned down by someone he loved… That seems shitty to me. You should always have the consideration just in case. It’s not like Kenpachi was  _ going _ anywhere or anything. Byakuya was just an ass.”

“Byakuya was the one who recommended you seeking psychiatric help in the first place, wasn’t he?” Tsukishima asks, tapping on the screen of his tablet.

Ulquiorra winces. “He was. God, I wonder if he was just trying to wash his hands of the problems, too. Like, obviously I needed it, but impact and intention… Fuck.”

“That’s not entirely what I meant. I was just double-checking. If you think Byakuya was doing such a thing, well… I don’t know him. I couldn’t say.” Tsukishima shrugs a slim shoulder, goes back to writing on the screen. “If you wanted to sit down and talk to him about it, you might be able to ask him that question yourself.”

“I have nothing to say to him. I’m upset with him, but I don’t really want to be with him again. I’m happy with the two boyfriends and fiance I already have,” Ulquiorra says.

More notes, Tsukishima just quietly nodding. “Of course. I understand that completely. You had a very rocky relationship. So, tell me more about Bazz. You only mentioned him a few times at earlier sessions but now it seems like he’s a part of your life permanently.”

Sessions with Tsukishima has no right to be as soothing as they are. Even when Ulquiorra has walked away from them with tears in his eyes and feeling like his entire heart has been scraped out of his chest, he always feels significantly lighter than when he walked in. Today is no different; the more he talks, the more of his life he unravels, the better he feels about everything that has been happening. Tsukishima asks questions as necessary and takes notes as he goes, and nothing about him is sharp or judgmental.

Maybe it has something to do with the framed photograph that sets neatly on his desk, the one Ulquiorra picked up and looked at during his first session.

“I’m surprised the meeting with Rukia went as well as it did,” Tsukishima admits, looking up at him. “I’m equally surprised you were able to just walk right into it without issue considering the issues that ended this relationship in the first place. Did you like her?”

“I did. She’s a sweetheart. I know kids are like, they’re fine, and if they’re bad it’s usually because their parents did  _ something _ to them.” Ulquiorra sighs and tips his head back. “If I’d just met her the first time, things might have actually turned out okay.”

“Is this about you actively wanting a relationship with Byakuya and Renji?” Tsukishima asks. “Or is this an excuse for you to beat yourself up for something you couldn’t foresee?”

_ Fuck. _ “You got me. I guess I was just beating myself up. Thanks for the call out.”

“You know that’s what I’m here for.” Tsukishima’s smile is pleasant. “Remember, Ulquiorra, that you had good reasons for not wanting to be placed into a parental role with a child in the first place. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re not in that position now, rather you found a compromise. It doesn’t seem like there was any to be had when you told me the story the first time around. Things have changed for more than just you.”

That much is true; Sosuke had been open to finding a solution that would work for all of them, and Ulquiorra half-wonders if it would have been possible to find that solution the first time. Probably not; there had been no talk of it, certainly, and there  _ was _ pushing for it to be a role of fatherhood. Maybe Tsukishima is right— he usually is— and Ulquiorra just needs to stop overthinking and live in the moment. Things are going well and have the potential to go even better if he just focuses on what he has instead of what he could have had. Raising a child with poor mental health, now  _ that _ would have been difficult.

Tsukishima clears his throat. “So, this trip to Germany. Do you want to go there? And do you believe that Bazz means it when he says he just wants you to come, but he won’t go and won’t regret not going if the three of you aren’t there with him?”

“I don’t think he’s trying to manipulate us, honestly, like… It was a concern, but I don’t think that’s what he intends. He just wants us there or to not go at all.” It makes Ulquiorra’s stomach feel funny to imagine that thought process. “I… I kind of want to go? To be honest? I always wanted to travel. Orihime and I went on vacation to Italy once after high school and just before university, and it was so magical. But…”

But obviously, things with Orihime did not work out, and by the time he met Grimmjow, the idea of doing anything other than shutting himself up in the house was not exactly on the menu anymore. They traveled a few times, but rarely out of the country. Grimmjow never talked about wanting to do it, so Ulquiorra never had to really think about it.

Now, he is thinking about it. About that German villa Bazz was talking about, what it might be like to explore a new country away from all of the drama of their lives. He  _ wants _ that.

And truth be told, a quiet wedding with just his partners seems like a nice idea.

“But?” Tsukishima presses. “You have to tell me what you’re thinking, Ulquiorra. I can hazard a guess, of course. You and Orihime didn’t work out and you haven’t traveled since then. But as for whether or not you want to travel with Bazz, well…”

“I think I want to. It’d be nice to get out of Japan for a while and just… Have time together and watch Bazz start a new band, maybe. I can always work from Germany.” He shifts a bit in his seat. “Grimmjow has vacation time he can use, and Zommari really does owe him for managing his current client so well. And that… Happens pretty soon, too.”

On a whim, Ulquiorra called Bazz to ask him when the trip to Germany would be and realized it would be not long after the premiere of  _ Del Toro _ . Which means they would be leaving the country on the tail-end of Starrk coming out of the closet and declaring his love for Szayel in front of the entire world. The thought is dizzying in a few ways; Ulquiorra is mostly just proud of Grimmjow for being there for someone else in such a massive and helpful way because now Starrk can live his honest and authentic life.

Ulquiorra knows that living in the closet is no way to live a happy life, not really.

Tsukishima tents his long fingers together. “So the two of you just need to sit down and discuss it. Promise me that you’ll focus on communication, not just for the sake of keeping things calm but also so that Grimmjow knows this is important to you.”

“I don’t want to pressure him, but I do want him to know that I consider it important. I guess part of me is always afraid that Grimm will see what I have with Bazz as like… A threat, or something.”  _ Because I told Bazz about my past before I told him. And he forgave me, but I don’t think I know how to just let it go. _

He has a hard time being kind to himself, and forgiving himself his mistakes.

“If you and Grimmjow continue to have issues, I can recommend you a couples’ counselor who can help you improve your communication?” Tsukishima offers. “I know that you said things are much better after you just had it out with each other that time, but if it should happen again, I mean. Or if you need counseling as a group.”

“Thank you. I’ll definitely let you know if it’s necessary. I’d rather fix our problems while they can be fixed rather than let them fester.” Like they had the first time.

A soft hum answers his words. “That’s a good mindset to have. I’ll see who among my colleagues has any openings available just in case. Most of them have at least one or two to my knowledge. Now, back to the matter at hand…”

The session ends as it usually does, with Ulquiorra coming over to the desk to schedule his next appointment and discuss what the topic would be for said session. When he first walked into this office, he thought it would be pointless dissection of his past or some such nonsense and was surprised when Tsukishima wanted him to be proactive about what they discussed, to choose what he wanted to talk about. But now he’s used to it.

A new photograph catches his eye and he points to it. “Can I see that one? It’s new.”

“It is.” Tsukishima picks up the photo and hands it to him, his digital planner open in front of him. “I can fit you in on that Friday it looks like, can we make that work?”

“Oh yeah, we can.” Ulquiorra studies the photograph curiously. He’d seen the other before, the one of Tsukishima and his husband. “I didn’t realize you had kids?”

“We don’t really come here to talk about me, but yes, I have children.” Tsukishima’s smile is a touch enigmatic, almost amused. “Why do you think I’ve been so certain you made the right choice in not choosing to father Rukia when you didn’t even want children? My daughter’s name is Riruka, and my son is Yukio. They were our foster children, but we went through with adopting them after they were comfortable enough in our home.”

Ulquiorra blinks down at the photograph. It looks like it must have been taken on a nicer day and on what looks like a picnic blanket. The husband, he knows— Broad-shouldered and handsome with slicked-back black hair and the kind of arrogantly handsome face that most men could only  _ wish _ for. He has an arm around Tsukishima’s shoulders, chin resting on his shoulder, with the children sitting in front of them. The girl has her knees drawn up to her chest, her face in a half-scowl, half-smile with her long magenta hair piled on top of her head. The boy next to her has a 3DS set in his lap, serious green eyes focused on the camera viewfinder from beneath his slightly shaggy pale blond bangs.

“They’re cute kids,” Ulquiorra admits. “It looks like you guys are a happy family. That’s cool, I’m happy for you. And yeah, now I totally get the kid thing.”

“Thank you. It took an awful lot of patience to make sure everything worked out as the foster care system is very unforgiving and leaves lasting scars on many children, but we’ve figured it out.” Tsukishima writes him a reminder on the pad at the corner of his desk, taking the sheet and offering it to him. “There you go. I’ll be seeing you again soon.”

Ulquiorra tucks the sheet into his wallet and programs the date into the digital calendar he shares with Grimmjow on his way out of the office. Bolstered by how well the session went and how much better he feels about things, he makes a beeline for a familiar location and decides on treating himself to a nice lunch. Besides, he loves Giselle’s diner now.

The atmosphere is just as warm and welcoming as he remembers, and it does well to cut through the chill of the rainy world outside as soon as he steps through the door. Music plays from behind the counter, the women behind it singing or dancing along to it, chatting with one another and laughing. As soon as he walks in, Bambietta perks up from behind the counter and waves to him, and he wonders if Bazz told them about his feelings before he confessed them. If these women were the ones he confided in.

“Hi, hi, pretty boy.” Bambietta pops their gum at him, and Ulquiorra smiles. “Take a seat anywhere you like, the rain’s keeping people away today. Not that we mind, our breakfast rush was pretty great. How’s your day been going?”

“Just go out of therapy and the session was pretty good so I’m fine.” Ulquiorra takes a seat at the counter because he can. “Did Bazz tell you about Nozarashi and all?”

Bambietta winks at him, their dark brown eyes sparkling with glee. “He did. I’m so ready for him to be rid of that toxic shit, honestly. They were a pain in his ass for a good chunk of his career and he deserves better. I hope the new band works out instead.”

“He wants to go up to Germany to see if things are going to work out. We’re still discussing if we’re all going to go together.” Though in the back of his mind, Ulquiorra has already decided he wants to go visit as long as Grimmjow agrees to go with him.

“I’ve met the Sternritter boys from back when they first came to visit Bazz. I think they were worried about him.” Bambietta offers him a menu and a glass of water, and Ulquiorra thanks them because his parents raised him with manners. “I think Cang Du’s a cutie, kinda on that moody quiet side. Did you get to meet them? I know they were here this weekend.”

Ulquiorra nods. “I did. I got to play host for a little bit. It was nice to get to know them, and I think… I think it’ll be good for Bazz, too, so I hope it all works out.”

“I just hope you _ four _ work out.” Bambietta leans over the counter, their smile going a bit softer, a bit more serious. “Seriously, for what it’s worth, you guys are so cute together and I haven’t seen Bazz that happy in so long. And I really hope it works out because I know how it feels when you find your soulmate. There’s nothing else like it.”

“You have a girlfriend?” Ulquiorra asks. He isn’t stupid, but Bazz still told him that the women who run this establishment are all lesbians. It was what brought them together.

Bambietta grins and thumbs over their shoulder to where Candice is standing at the sink. “That’s the love of my life right there. I wouldn’t be anything without her.”

“I’m glad the two of you found each other, then.” If he’s surprised, he hopes it doesn’t show on his face. Based on their interactions with one another, he thought Bambietta was interested in Giselle. “Being with Bazz has been a wonderful experience even though it’s only been official for a short time. But it’s really been true far longer than that.”

Of course, Bambietta giggles at him. “Don’t I know it? So, what can I get you for lunch?”

“Just a BLT, I think that sounds good,” Ulquiorra says. “With fries and a Coke.”

“Coming right up, pretty boy.” Bambietta scribbles down his order and slips back into the kitchen, humming to themself as they go, and Ulquiorra smiles fondly.

He checks his phone for messages before replying to the ones he has. Grimmjow asks him how his session went and if he got there safely, and he reassures him that he did and that everything went well and he’s all-around happy with what he learned. Bazz has sent him a selfie of him and Sosuke in the backyard together, Sosuke with his head tipped toward the grey sky and his eyes closed as if he’d been enjoying the breeze that preceded the storm. He looks like a beautiful, haunted angel against the dark backdrop.

And finally he has a message from Sosuke as well, telling him to have a good day and to swing by after the session if he wants to. Grimmjow will be busy for a while this afternoon anyway, and Ulquiorra would rather go see his boyfriends than return home.

How odd, to think he’d be looking forward to  _ not _ having some peace and quiet.

“Penny for your thoughts?” The voice startles him, but only a little; he looks up to find Giselle setting his Coke in front of him and quickly fires off a message to Sosuke telling him that he’s definitely coming by. “I can almost hear you thinking.”

Ulquiorra sets his phone down on the counter and takes a sip of his drink. “Thank you. And I was just thinking that I’m happy to have the men in my life that I do.”

“You’re a sweetheart. I thought that about you when Bazz first brought you around to my place. I was actually going to ask you if you’re up for another job,” Giselle says.

“A job?” Ulquiorra cocks his head, inquisitive. “What kind of job are you talking about?”

Giselle walks around the counter to sit beside him and he turns in his chair to face her. “Bazz told me you did logo work and I was thinking about jazzing up the sign out front. You’d just have to help me design it. I can pay, of course, it wouldn’t be a favor.”

“Oh, I can do that for you. A new logo for your restaurant? What did you have in mind?” Ulquiorra opens his phone, intent on taking notes so he gets it exactly right.

Bambietta drops his BLT off at the counter and he eats as he and Giselle discuss ideas, and eventually he takes a stack of napkins and starts sketching out some rough ideas based on what she says. Only when he finishes his sandwich and pays his bill, with a generous tip of course, is he certain he has enough to do something special for her.

“Thank you so much.” Giselle throws her arms around his neck as soon as they both stand. “You’re the best. I wanted to find someone to do it for a while, but yikes, the reputation.”

Ulquiorra hums thoughtfully. “Guess it’s well-known it’s a lesbian-owned diner?”

“Oh yeah. We always support during Pride and we got spotlight for it, so a lot of people steer clear of wanting to do business with us, unfortunately.” Giselle rolls her eyes, then laughs. “They get to miss out on all of our great food. Their loss, not mine.”

“You’re right. Let them starve, then.” Ulquiorra grins when Giselle giggles.

He says his goodbyes and climbs back into his car to make the drive to Bazz’s house, bubbling over with excitement about seeing him and Sosuke and at the new job he has. Working with other LGBT people means an unbelievable amount to him; he wants to be able to support and uplift his own people, and he knows it must be impossibly difficult on Giselle and her ladies to run that diner. If it was well-known they were lesbians, he could only imagine how nasty people could be, how men might show up just to be perverts toward them. But if he can help in any way, no matter how small, then he’s happy to.

The door is unlocked when he steps into the living room, and he freezes at the sight of a familiar face on the television screen until he realizes Bazz is running a video message through the screen instead of a computer.

_ “Well, you didn’t ask, but it seems dumb not to at least plan ahead just in case,” _ Cang Du says, looking even more emo than he had the last time Ulquiorra say him, black bangs mashed into his eyes by an equally black beanie.  _ “Like, you can always cancel anything.” _

Bazz shakes his head. “Nope, my man, I’m not even booking a place until I know if they all wanna come. Tickets will be easy anyway, you know that. When they give me the word, then I’ll let you know. ‘Sides, you found Lille. It doesn’t  _ have _ to be me.”

Cang Du scoffs.  _ “I know that. We’re the former members of Sternritter, everyone is dying to collaborate with us already. But I still wanna know if it works out first. The way you left the first time still doesn’t set right with me and I wanna fix that shit.” _

“I told you. It was just creative differences. Nothing big.” Bazz shrugs a shoulder, as if brushing it off, and Ulquiorra winces as he toes out of his shoes and exchanges them for slippers. “But you guys got  _ huge _ and so did I, so it was totally worth it. Now, Yumi—”

_ “He was on video call with As most of yesterday discussing details. He’s definitely coming up, which, like, holy shit, my dude. Thanks for that, because I think with his voice, we are definitely gonna make it work.” _ Cang Du makes a circle with his thumb and finger solemnly.

In answer, Bazz groans at him. “Stop being like that. And see, exactly. ‘Sides, like I told you, music’s taking a backseat to my love life. They mean more to me than that.”

Cang Du looks thoughtful at that.  _ “Yeah, I guess that’s fair. I don’t wanna step on any toes. I know how bad you wanted this to work out. Even only talking once a month got it across. You always had it bad for Aizen since like, what, the very beginning?” _

“Since the very beginning,” Bazz confirms, “and you’re one to talk? You literally got drunk and asked me to ask As out for you because that was somehow too much of a stretch.”

_ “Have you seen As, though? Like, have you? He’s the most beautiful man in the world and I don’t even know what he sees in my loser ass.” _ Cang Du’s words have zero bite in his own insult but the fondness in his voice over his partner is very clear.

Laughing, Bazz shakes his head. “I gotta disagree with you on that, dude. I’ve got three gorgeous men in my life who pretty much take the cake when it comes to looks.”

Ulquiorra smiles softly at the sentiment and then steps into what he assumes is the viewfinder for the video based on the way Cang Du’s head swivels in his direction, waving to him. “Nice to hear from you again, Cang Du. Happy to be back home?”

_ “You know it. Japan’s nice but Germany’s home. I mean…”  _ Cang Du trails off, rubbing his fingers over his chin.  _ “Anywhere where As is, that’s home. So fuck Germany actually.” _

Bazz turns around to look at him, all big excited puppy dog eyes. “Hey, you came over.”

“Sosuke told me I could come see you two after my session and Grimmjow’s occupied until this evening, so I thought, why not?” Ulquiorra leans down, kisses the smooth side of Bazz’s scalp. “Have fun with your friend. I’m going to make us some tea.”

“I love your tea,” Bazz tells him, and Ulquiorra giggles and kisses him on the nose.

Cang Du makes a noise at them through the screen.  _ “That’s so stupidly sappy sweet. I’m kind of in love with it, though. I think As and I get the same way in private.” _

“Well, in all fairness, As is the most private person I’ve ever known,” Bazz says, propping his feet up on the table while Ulquiorra heads for the kitchen. “Oh, baby, tea’s above the microwave. Anyway, yeah, like… He came without his mask on. I was surprised.”

Ulquiorra turns at the mention of that. “Mask? Does As usually wear a mask?”

_ “You saw the scars on his mouth. I know you did. Everyone does.” _ Cang Du makes a face and Ulquiorra only nods once; he’d refused to stare at them, but he had seen them.  _ “A shithead ex of his did that to him. He usually meets new people with a facemask on. It’s not weird in Japan at least because a lot of people wear them, like, the paper ones? But he didn’t.” _

“I’m glad he made it out of that situation with minimal scarring. It must have been frightening, and he’s very strong for being able to live like on.” Ulquiorra doesn’t know quite what to say. Maybe he should have asked Bazz about it first to be prepared.

No, that would have been rude. As’s scars are truly none of his fucking business.

Cang Du raises his fist up and kisses his knuckles.  _ “Hey, I fucked that dude up for good. Just took a few well-aimed punches. But yeah, he said he didn’t feel like he had to wear one ‘cause if you were Bazz’s boyfriend, that meant you were cool. Bazz wouldn’t date someone who’d make a big deal over his scars like that.” _

“You think so highly of me,” Bazz says, but it only sounds like a half-joke.

_ “What can I say other than I was right?” _ Cang Du fires back, and Ulquiorra smiles.

He continues into the kitchen to make tea and thinks about As Nodt trusting him right away, something warm unfurling in his chest at the thought. Smiling, he sets water to boil and picks through Bazz’s collection of tea until he finds something that would be suitable, digging around his cabinets for a few additions. The next time he sees As, he’ll have to make a special note to be as kind to him as he can. The world is cruel enough as it is.

When he has the tea brewed and returns to the living room, the video call has ended and Bazz is waiting for him. Ulquiorra sets their tea on the table and finds himself being drawn into Bazz’s lap as soon as his hands are empty; they end up on his shoulders for balance.

“I’m glad to see you again.” Bazz kisses his jaw, and Ulquiorra hums softly. “Therapy went well, then? Did you get the picture I sent you of Sosuke? It was so pretty.”

“Therapy went amazing, and yes, I did. It was beautiful.” Ulquiorra strokes a hand down the side of Bazz’s face. “I heard what you were saying about us to Cang Du. You’re a darling. I want you to know that even if we don’t all end up going to Germany, I’m so happy things have worked out so that you’re a permanent part of my life.”

“Permanent, huh?” Bazz noses into his throat, and Ulquiorra might be imagining it, but he thinks he saw a hint of a blush for just a moment. “I could get used to that.”

“We’re not letting you go now that we have you.” Ulquiorra leans back, kisses him on the forehead, and he feels the arms around his waist relax. “You’re ours. All ours.”

He really wants the Germany trip to work out now. Tonight, he and Grimmjow will sit down and talk about it seriously, lay all their cards out, and come up with an answer. That way, they can get on with the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fullbringers were actually just found family which is basically canon anyway so!
> 
> ulquiorra and grimmjow have their talk in the next chapter. and as of right now, this story will be about as long as the former, so 36 chapters or thereabouts. so w're in the final stretch!


	30. communication is the key to cooperation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** implied at the end

Grimmjow remembers the last time the two of them had a serious conversation that included Bazz’s name. How could he ever forget it? It was the first time he verbally lashed out at Ulquiorra in such a meaningful way, and though Ulquiorra forgave him, he has never let the memory fade. Every time he opens his mouth when the two of them find themselves disagreeing about something, he remembers how much he hurt Ulquiorra during that fight and shuts himself up before he says something else he might end up regretting.

They take the couch together, Ulquiorra swinging his feet up to rest in Grimmjow’s lap, and Grimmjow takes advantage of it, kneading the delicate arches. “So, Germany. Let’s talk.”

“Germany,” Ulquiorra echoes. “What do you think about going? Do you even want to?”

“Well… I’ve never been there before, and if it’s turning out guys like Bazz, I can’t think of a reason not to visit.” The comment makes Ulquiorra smile, so Grimmjow considers it a successful choice of words. “Honestly? I’m just… International travel is already a lot. I don’t know if I’m up for that plane ride. Plus, it’s going to cost money.”

Ulquiorra hums softly. “Bazz has money. I don’t think he’d let us pay even if we wanted to in all honesty. So I don’t think we have to consider money a legitimate concern.”

“Okay. So. Money’s not an issue. But like, it is a lot. If things don’t work out or anything or one of us needs time to cool off, foreign country. We wouldn’t have friends we could stay with.” Grimmjow would hope they could talk through their issues as necessary but he knows better than anyone else how easy it is to say you will and then to not follow up on it.

“That’s a good point. Bazz’s possible bandmates might let us stay over if necessary,” Ulquiorra says, and Grimmjow hums and nods; they had been nice when they were staying in Bazz’s house. Cang Du especially seemed like a cool dude.

He rubs his thumb harder into the arch of Ulquiorra’s foot, not quite to the point of pain but enough that the muscle finally goes lax under his touch. “I’m worried Byakuya’s gonna make a big deal about it. I really don’t want to deal with him if I don’t have to.”

“I don’t think we’re going to be the ones who deal with him if something were to happen. That’s Sosuke’s responsibility since Byakuya is his husband.” Ulquiorra flexes his toes, pushing them against Grimmjow’s stomach gently. “Besides, I don’t think he likes that we got as involved as we did. Even if it meant we were standing up for him in the process.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I think it’d honestly do him some good to get out of the country and away from Byakuya for a while,” Grimmjow admits after a moment.

He finds it jarring, seeing the cracks in their marriage when the foundation of it seemed so strong when all of them were involved with one another. Of course, it hadn’t been a very long time, and none of the issues that had come up this time had then; Sosuke and Byakuya were a perfect team then. Or maybe not perfect, but close enough that Grimmjow found himself wishing that the marriage he would have with Ulquiorra would be as perfect as theirs. Now, he dreads the thought he would ever end up like that.

It makes him remember the things he’d said during that argument, jabbing at Ulquiorra’s insecurity and pain because it was cheap and easy. It makes him feel sick to know he’d ever done something like that to someone he cared so much about. Someone he would move all the mountains in the world for if Ulquiorra only asked him to do it.

Ulquiorra’s face falls. “Yeah. I don’t… Presenting it in such a fashion makes me feel uneasy about everything, but their marriage has been struggling lately. I know why, and I understand, but I just… I can’t stand to see Sosuke so upset about everything.”

“I get what you mean.” Grimmjow rubs a hand up his ankle gently. “I want them to be happy, too, y’know. Even if I hate Byakuya for the rest of my life, I don’t want it to ruin his marriage with Sosuke. That’s… It means everything to Sosuke and it sucks so  _ much _ that it’s come to this between them. And I still feel a little guilty about it.”

“You too, huh?” Ulquiorra laughs, the sound soft and hollow as it leaves his throat.

Grimmjow nods. Again, it isn’t something he wants to think about, but a part of him feels awful for being one of the men who came between them even though he can see how deep-seated their issues are now. It’s probably for the best that this all blew up so Sosuke’s feelings could be taken into consideration rather than blatantly ignored or pushed to the side in favor of something or somebody else. He deserves to be happy.

Ulquiorra pokes him with his toes again. “Do you think maybe we should, like… Do something about all of this? Maybe recommend them counseling or something? Because, like, I don’t want them to get a divorce. I don’t want it to end that badly between the two of them.”

“Even if it’s the better ending?” Grimmjow asks, not missing the way Ulquiorra winces.

“I just don’t want things to blow up between them in such a way that Sosuke feels like he didn’t try and ends up blaming himself for another decade,” Ulquiorra says, and Grimmjow hums thoughtfully because he didn’t think of it like that. Their man is likely to do just that left to his own devices. “I think Byakuya can be cruel and selfish, but surely he wasn’t always like this? Surely he used to be the man Sosuke still thinks of him as.”

Grimmjow remembers the way Byakuya took care of Ulquiorra, coming home to finding him all strung out on Byakuya’s touch and commanding voice, safely wrapped up in his velvety voice. Was that just an illusion? How much of it had been real? “I wish there was an easy way to fix things or to find out, at least, if things could even be fixed? I guess.”

“Valid,” Ulquiorra murmurs. “Fuck, we got off-topic. We need to decide about Germany. Cang Du was telling Bazz he should plan ahead, but obviously he can’t do that without an answer of some kind. So if we don’t want to go, he needs to know.”

“I asked Zommari on a whim today if he’d approve me taking time off since Starrk is all wrapped up now, and he’s cool with it because my clients are taken care of,” Grimmjow says, though he imagines Nel is going to be less than pleased that he makes her wait longer. “Gotta use up the perishable food in the refrigerator to keep it from spoiling.”

Stretching his arms over his head, Ulquiorra yawns. “Yeah. Anything we don’t eat, we can always give to Orihime and Ichigo. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind taking it off our hands.”

“Ichigo’s stomach is a black hole when it comes to food, so I wouldn’t be surprised,” Grimmjow says; he was thoroughly disturbed at just how much ramen Ichigo could put away. “You can work from pretty much anywhere with wi-fi, can’t you?”

“Yes. And I’ll take some art supplies with me, but I imagine I can pick up more sketchbooks or canvases there, so I don’t need to bring more than one sketchbook with me.” Ulquiorra rests his cheek against the back of the couch, giving him a meaningful look. “Do you want to go? I know it’s easy to talk about the possibilities, but do you really want to go?”

Grimmjow traces a fingertip along the top of Ulquiorra’s foot. “A bit, yeah. Like… It’s stressful here right now and part of me wants to go be a dumb tourist and try German beer and just come home to you three instead of like… All this other shit.”

It isn’t the most eloquent way to phrase things, but he thinks it gets the point across.

“I was looking at some sights in Germany that we could visit,” Ulquiorra admits, and Grimmjow can’t stop himself from smiling at the thought. Always organized, his Quiorra. “Just really beautiful architecture. And some places I think we could have a nice quiet little wedding if that was still something we were thinking about doing.”

“You wanna get married abroad? It’s pretty romantic, eloping to Europe.” And Germany in summer will probably be beautiful, which is another thing to think about.

Ulquiorra giggles at him. “I mean, I think we deserve something like that after everything we’ve been through. The location doesn’t matter to me as long as you’re there. But in terms of aesthetics, I don’t know. It just appeals to me. Like, imagine a Berlin wedding.”

“Whatever makes you happy, that’s what I want. The details don’t matter to me at all. All I care about is you being there at the altar with me.” Saying he’s been dreaming about it would be a grand understatement, after all. He’s been thinking about it nonstop.

“You’re a wonderful man.” Ulquiorra shifts lower onto the couch, tucking his feet more firmly against Grimmjow’s thighs. “If I’m being honest, I want to do this for Bazz, too. I can tell he wants this band more than he wants to let on, and I want it for him.”

“Well, Sternritter almost included him, and he’s super close with Cang Du and As. I guess he really would want to make things work with them this time around.” Grimmjow strokes a hand along the delicate curve of Ulquiorra’s calf. “I want it for him, too. Nozarashi made him so miserable that I want him to get to have a band with his friends where he gets to have fun. And if things work out, Yumichika will be with them, too.”

Ulquiorra is quiet for a moment before he clears his throat. “I think he’ll be able to make things work. It wasn’t those two that caused him to leave Sternritter in the first place.”

Grimmjow arches a brow at him. “Oh yeah? How you figure? You think something else?”

“He told me something else. There were romantic issues within the group that caused him to leave.” Ulquiorra sighs softly, tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. “I’m happy to be his shoulder but I don’t want anyone mad at me because he told me first.”

_ Oh. _ Grimmjow holds his arms out, not willing to let the distance between them linger a moment longer. “C’mere. You’re looking a little tense, and I don’t like that.”

The moment Ulquiorra climbs into his lap, Grimmjow wraps his arms around him and nuzzles down into the top of his head, soft black hair tickling his nose. While he considers the communication to be important and he wants to get to the point so they don’t have to worry about everything blowing up in the future, he also wants to make sure that Ulquiorra is comfortable and feels safe with him. The last thing he wants is for Ulquiorra to be upset instead of calm and happy to talk about what they have to talk about.

“It’s okay,” Grimmjow murmurs against the top of his head. “I’m not gonna get mad at you. Not about this. Yeah, the first time was a little raw, but I get it if Bazz felt comfortable coming to you with it considering the fact you came to him. It makes sense to me.”

“Okay. So. The reason Bazz left the band was because of Haschwalth. There was… He chose Bach over Bazz and that was enough for him to leave.” Ulquiorra wrinkles his nose up and shakes his head. “No, that didn’t sound accurate to what happened. They’d been on again and off again for a long time, and I just. I feel bad for him, you know?”

Grimmjow smoothes a hand up and down Ulquiorra’s spine, feeling him relax into the touch. “Yeah, I can get that. I imagine it probably broke his heart. He was twenty-one when he joined Nozarashi officially according to all the shit I know about them, so like… You’re talking teen love. It might not be  _ real _ love to most people, but it hurts deep.”

Ulquiorra leans back to look at him. “I mean, look who you’re talking to. I know better than most people just how it feels to lose someone you’d been in love with that long.”

“I guess you do. I didn’t think about that. Maybe that’s another reason he decided to tell you first.” And on that note… Now Grimmjow really wants this to work out for him, too. He knows Sternritter meant a lot to Bazz. He still remembers the interview with him and Haschwalth, the big one where they talked about what went wrong.

It occurs to him the entire interview, considered one of the better pieces of music journalism in the world where two friends discussed such a raw issue with one another, was probably mostly a lie. He still remembers sitting down to read it, looking at the pictures of them together, the past pictures of Bazz with his hair longer and Haschwalth with his hair shorter, two kids who just wanted to make it in the world. Even though there were rumors about the relationship between the two of them after that, Grimmjow never bought into it.

Maybe he should have, considering it happens to be the truth. He winces, imagining Bazz trying to hold it together while having to accept he’d been left behind.

Sighing, he bumps his forehead against Ulquiorra’s own, and they just sit there together, skin to skin. “I know he said in an interview that he and Cang Du worked together in, like, this otherworldly fashion. Like they played off of each other perfectly.”

“Yeah?” Ulquiorra’s lips twitch upward in a smile. “We should try to learn German, maybe, if we decide to go. And you can teach me about music and how to know if it’s good or not.”

“Oh yeah. I’ve been waiting for you to say something like that to me.” Grimmjow kisses him, delighting in the softness of his lips, the taste, the closeness. When Ulquiorra wraps a hand around the back of his neck, he can feel the cool metal of his ring against his skin. “Look, I’m with you on this, honestly. Germany sounds like fun. Let’s do it. Besides, this is a great chance for all of us, right? There are so many opportunities.”

Ulquiorra nods, and his lips spread into a wider smile than Grimmjow has seen in quite some time. It makes him feel good to see it now. “Spend time together, get to experience a new country, have a wedding in a foreign country, see the next great foreign band form.”

“Shit, I wanna sit in on those jam sessions and just… Listen to them.” He’s sure he looks just as starry-eyed as he feels right now just imagining that.

His brain paints him a picture in his head of the scene. Yumichika on a stool behind a microphone, Cang Du and As Nodt playing off of each other while Bazz sits behind the drums. Are they going to get another guitarist? They don’t really have to if they choose not to, all things considered. The four of them could be one little unit. But just  _ thinking _ about watching it all fall together, maybe sitting against the wall and just drinking in the sheer amount of music genius in the room, is enough to excite Grimmjow.

He  _ wants _ that. He wants to watch it all fall together like the pieces of a puzzle. In fact, he can’t imagine anything better than just watching them become a real band together.

“Germany,” he says with a nod. “We’re going to do it. Let’s call and tell Bazz right now.”

Before he can retrieve his phone, Ulquiorra catches him by the wrist. “Why don’t we just head over there and tell him? I’m sure he’ll want to celebrate, after all.”

“Oh yeah?” Grimmjow’s grin slides toward a smirk, but he nods. “Let’s get some shit to sleep in and go surprise him. I don’t think he’s doing much these days considering he doesn’t have to worry about Nozarashi anymore. All the paperwork was signed.”

“It was considerate of Byakuya to handle it all so quickly and quietly so that it wouldn’t blow up into a huge scandal,” Ulquiorra agrees, and Grimmjow hums. Sosuke had also done his part in helping Bazz and Yumichika draft their goodbye for the press, expressing that their vision of what they could be no longer fit in with Nozarashi’s image. Staying together would only mean holding each other back, and they had no desire to do that.

Though it was so far from the truth, it sounded great to everyone who had no idea what the truth was. Fans were already tearful about it, but most of them agreed that it was right for everyone to do what they needed to do instead of holding each other back.

The two of them gather up clothes for the night, their phones and chargers just in case, and head out to the car. Ichigo appears to have decided today is the perfect time to work on washing his car, and Grimmjow can hardly blame him. It’s a nice day out, the sun is at least close enough to sunset that the air is warm but not too hot, and he’d never complain about a chance to see Ichigo in such small shorts. It makes him remember Shunko.

“Heading out for the night?” Ichigo calls out to them, wringing out the sponge in his hand, sending a sluice of soapy water down onto the hood of his car. “Gonna see the boyfriend?”

“That’s the plan. We’re going abroad with him at the end of the month so we’re going over to let him know the good news,” Grimmjow says, not missing the way Ichigo perks up.

“Abroad? Where abroad?” Ichigo abandons the car and walks over, and Ulquiorra quickly takes Grimmjow’s bag so he can talk, loading both of them into the car.

Grimmjow leans against the hood of his own car. “Germany. Bazz is heading back there to maybe start working on forming a new band with two of the guys from Sternritter. Lot of music drama in the world lately, huh? But we’re gonna go out there with him.”

“I’m jealous. I’ve been saving up because I wanna take Orihime on vacation later this year, maybe somewhere warm during the winter so I can get out of family Christmas obligations.” Ichigo rolls his eyes, and Grimmjow can’t help but laugh; he knows about Ichigo’s overbearing father and his twin sister. “Any idea how long you’ll be gone?”

“Not yet. Now that we’re agreeing to go, we can discuss all that.” Grimmjow winks at him. “Make sure you pick a location with a beach, yeah? You can get her in a bikini.”

Ulquiorra interrupts them. “She favors one-piece swimsuits, unfortunately. We’ll send you pictures from Germany, if you want. Or maybe sound clips of everyone playing together.”

Again, Ichigo perks up. “You mean it? That’d be awesome. Anyway, have a good night. I gotta finish washing up the car. Orihime gave me a time limit to get it done.”

“Time limit?” Ulquiorra quirks an eyebrow. “Is there a punishment involved if you’re late?”

This time, Ichigo grins. “You know there is. Well, I gotta go. Have a good night, guys.”

The moment Grimmjow sits down in the car, his phone pings in his pocket, and he sighs as he digs it out to see a text from Tesla.  _ Occupied this weekend? We’re having a party. _

“Ulquiorra?” Grimmjow looks up. “Is your therapy session this Friday or next Friday?”

“Next Friday. Why?” Ulquiorra leans over to see the screen, then wrinkles up his nose. “Oh, a party. Well, I guess we can make it if Tesla wants us to come. What’s he having a party for? Does  _ we _ mean him and Nnoitra? Oh, I can probably finally meet them.”

“They’re so nasty, but a babe.” Grimmjow pulls up his keyboard to answer.  _ What’s the party for? As far as I know, we’re both free if you wanted us to come over. _

Dark brows lift at him as he starts the car. “Give me your phone so I can text back for you. And what do you mean by  _ nasty? _ Like gross, or just mean? I can handle either.”

“Nnoitra is super mean and sarcastic but I kind of love it. They’re funny, but a sap around Tesla for sure.” Grimmjow turns over the engine and backs out of the driveway, intent on getting them to Bazz’s place as soon as possible. Now that they have a set decision, his stomach is bubbling with excitement about what Bazz will say when they tell him.

Ulquiorra looks down at his phone. “He says the party he’s throwing is because he just wants to celebrate having Nnoitra in his life. How far gone is he at this point?”

“If you told me it was an engagement party,” Grimmjow says, “I would’ve believed you.”

“Okay. I’ll let him know that we’ll come if he wants us to.” Ulquiorra taps out the message while Grimmjow tries to focus on the road and couching his own excitement. It’s not going to be a surprise for Bazz if he can read it on their faces, after all.

“Cool deal,” Grimmjow says with a nod. “Have a party with friends, get drunk, get ready for the premiere at the end of the month. I don’t wanna do it. I mean, I wanna do it, but also holy shit, that’s so much. I’m almost too nervous about the reaction to think about it.”

Ulquiorra’s hand lands on his thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Don’t worry about it. Starrk has to do this for his future, right? His lover and his daughter.”

“Exactly. I’m excited. I just don’t want people to be dickish toward him because of it.” Grimmjow honks at someone who cuts him off and swears softly, and he doesn’t miss the way Ulquiorra smiles at him. “He’s a cool dude, like, he’s so decent? About everything. I figured he’d stop coming for workouts once filming was all wrapped up, but he said he wanted to look perfect for the premiere. He’s rolling out all the handsome stops.”

“Are you finally willing to admit that you might have a bit of a crush on him now that he’s not using the gay community for clout?” Ulquiorra asks him, voice edged with humor.

Grimmjow rolls his eyes. “Okay, okay, like, he’s a good actor. I guess the fact he’s actually into dudes explains why he always has so much chemistry with men. Do you think it’s awkward that he had to kiss Yylfordt when Szayel is the one he’s in love with?”

“He’s an actor,” Ulquiorra says simply, and Grimmjow nods because that makes sense.

Traffic is not great this time of day with so many people just getting off from work, but Grimmjow navigates it as well as can be expected given the conditions as he aims for Bazz’s house. The house is nice and beautiful and expensive, which means it happens to be on the other side of the city where only the nicest places are. Getting there takes time even when traffic is light, and everyone seems to be in the mood to drive like a maniac today.

Grimmjow merges suddenly, giving them a taste of their own medicine. “I fucking swear.”

“We’ll probably need to apply for international licenses before we go unless we’re just going to not drive,” Ulquiorra muses, and Grimmjow frowns at the thought. He  _ likes _ to be in control of his own route. “I’ll ask Bazz for more details. I’m sure he has them.”

“Probably just from when he moved here in the first place.” Grimmjow shakes his head at the thought; he still remembers how  _ young _ Bazz looked in the first big photoshoot Nozarashi had as a band. And it hurts to think about that wide-eyed, grinning young man coming all the way here just to escape heartbreak. “Where are they gonna base the band?”

Ulquiorra cocks his head. “I don’t think I know what that means. Explain?”

“Nozarashi is Japan-based because all the members live here,” Grimmjow explains, merging suddenly again because  _ damn _ these people. “Most people tend to base their band out of the country they actually live in. In the States, it’s more complicated because they have, like, states. Basically, where is their main base of operations going to be?”

“And their record label? I guess I didn’t think about that at all,” Ulquiorra says.

Grimmjow nods, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in irritation. “Yeah. And that’s gonna like, change a lot. Because your label would be handling things like international affairs. Like, they could have a label in Germany and a label in Japan, but it would be hell trying to do photoshoots and interviews and shit as a group if they were all over the place. I mean, they also might not care. I should just ask him about that.”

“It might be something better decided when we’re in Germany,” Ulquiorra muses, and Grimmjow cocks his head before nodding in agreement. “I imagine Cang Du and As have to weigh in on that. Hopefully it’s not Germany. I mean, Bazz can do what he wants, but—”

“I don’t want him to be that far away from us either.” Grimmjow reaches over to pat Ulquiorra’s knee. “You don’t gotta explain it to me. I already understand it.”

Neither of them want to be away from Bazz. At least, not with an ocean between them.

Finally, Grimmjow turns off of the main roads and winds his way through the neighborhood Bazz lives in, if such space could be called a neighborhood in the first place. The house comes into sight, Bazz’s car no doubt parked in the garage while Sosuke’s is in view in the driveway, a familiar sight that makes Grimmjow smile slightly. Both of them are here right now, then, which is great because it means they can tell them both at once.

He reaches over for Ulquiorra’s hand and takes it in his own, twining their fingers together and squeezing gently. It’s a big step, agreeing to a trip of this magnitude, and one where they still are not sure what the timestamp will be. But there are so many chances and opportunities there, and Grimmjow wants this for all of them. He wants it for himself, too.

“I wonder if they’re sitting down to dinner,” Ulquiorra says. “If they haven’t eaten, maybe I can steal Bazz’s kitchen. Sosuke can help. Bazz can… Chop things if he wants to help.”

Grimmjow chuckles softly. “Yeah, maybe. You do have some of the best cooking around.”

“Thank you. Maybe one day I’ll ask Giselle for tips because her food has always been pretty incredible.” Ulquiorra reaches for his seatbelt the second that Grimmjow shifts the car into park and has it off in a second, twisting around to retrieve their bags. “Let’s go surprise Bazz with probably the best news he’ll have gotten since the band breakup.”

“That’s true. And maybe I’ll suck his dick to top it off,” Grimmjow offers brightly.

Rolling his eyes, Ulquiorra climbs out of the car. “You’re the worst. But I agree.”

They head up to the door together and through the wood, Grimmjow can hear the sound of music and chuckles as he retrieves the spare key Bazz gave him from his ring of keys. After they had finalized the relationship for real, Bazz gave them all keys and told them they could come over whenever they wanted to, and that if he never texted them a warning ahead of time, he was always happy to take them in. That kind of man is admirable as hell to Grimmjow, who can hardly fucking imagine doing something like that.

_ Prince Charming, _ he thinks, unlocking the door and pushing it open, intending on calling out his name before the image on the couch slams into his eyes and shuts him right up.

“Oh,” Ulquiorra whispers next to him. “I think we just barged in on something.”

It might not have been something either of them noticed if Sosuke wasn’t perched in Bazz’s lap, but the added height reveals the broad naked line of his shoulders and the top of his chest, the evidence of a lack of a shirt on his frame. There’s hair spilling everywhere, soft around his shoulders and face with a single curl clinging to his forehead. His eyes look soft, hazy, almost distant and it probably has something to do with the fact Bazz’s mouth is attached to the side of his neck, lips pressed against the skin.

Bazz twists around after a minute, his face flushed, pupils dilated. “Oh. Uh. Hi, guys.”

The music is coming from his phone docked in the speaker system, just loud enough to provide atmosphere. Holy fuck, how far were the two of them going to go?”

“Apologies,” Sosuke murmurs, but he doesn’t sound the least bit apologetic, and he doesn’t move from where he’s sitting. “Come in. It looks like you’ve come to stay the night?”

“We did,” Ulquiorra says, slowly closing the door behind them while Grimmjow just… Stares at them, Sosuke’s lean but strong shoulders against Bazz’s outright muscle. God, they’re so pretty together. “We came to tell you we’re going to Germany with you.”

This time, Bazz twists around so far it looks like it hurts. “Are you serious? You talked about it? You’re sure you wanna go with me? The four of us together?”

“The four of us together.” Grimmjow sets his bag beside the couch and leans over it to give Bazz a solid kiss. “So you better make it the best trip we’ve ever been on.”

“Holy shit. I will. Fuck.” Bazz blinks up at him, looking hopelessly and adorably lost for a moment. “I don’t even know what to say. I didn’t… I didn’t think everyone would agree to come in the first place. Like I offered but I expected to tell Cang Du I couldn’t do it.”

Grimmjow’s heart throbs a little at those words and he leans into nuzzle Bazz’s cheek. “Well, you’re gonna have to call him and tell him you can do it. ‘Cause we wanna go there with you, have our wedding up there even. And watch your new band come together.”

“What a romantic notion,” Sosuke murmurs, and Grimmjow realizes that, yes, he is shirtless. And that all he’s wearing around his waist area appears to be a pair of boxers. They’d walked in on the two of them about to have sex? “In the spirit of celebration, perhaps we should move this up to the bedroom. We have little room on the couch for four people, and I doubt it would be as enjoyable here as up there.”

Ulquiorra sidles up next to Grimmjow, stroking a hand down the side of Sosuke’s face. “I’m just now realizing you two have probably had sex if you’re sitting here basically naked.”

“We did. It was lovely.” Sosuke leans into his touch like a cat seeking attention.

“Good. Then we can all celebrate without having to pace ourselves.” And with that, Ulquiorra dives in for a kiss, winding Sosuke’s hair around his fingers to keep him still.

There’s something so natural about the way Ulquiorra takes control of the kiss, claiming Sosuke’s lips with his own, keeping him held still while he all but ravages his mouth. Grimmjow can hear the tiny little whimpers spilling out around their lips, ones that Ulquiorra tries to lick away before they can reach the air. He can also see the soft pink blooming in Sosuke’s cheeks and trailing slowly down the column of his throat.

“Fuck,” Bazz whispers, and Grimmjow just nods. Because, yeah,  _ fuck. _

“Let’s all go upstairs,” Ulquiorra says, and the slight edge to his voice makes Grimmjow half-hard almost instantly. “And celebrate our upcoming trip properly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /jazz hands/ parallels to that first fight am i right?
> 
> there's gonna be upcoming sex. it's time to drop that foursome i really wanted to write. we're gonna have the party at tesla's, the movie premiere where starrk comes out, and then the preparations for germany at the end of the story with perhaps the biggest emotional gut-punch of all.


	31. a home is four walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** the whole shebang + a foursome/double penetration + intercrural and lots of bdsm elements. very dom/sub and praise kink.

The deep, velvety purr of Ulquiorra’s voice in his ear sends a thrill through Sosuke’s body as the four of them make their way up the stairs to the waiting bedroom.

Ulquiorra and Grimmjow showing up at the house was truly unexpected, which was why Sosuke allowed himself to be talked into riding Bazz right there where anyone could walk in as long as they had a key. Not that he minds, even if he feels horribly underdressed compared to the rest of them. Even Bazz still has his jeans on, though Sosuke made quick work of the shirt as soon as he had the chance. The sensation of those muscles beneath his fingertips was more than enough to entrance him into touching.

As soon as the bedroom door shuts behind them, Sosuke’s knees weaken, but he locks his legs and forces himself to stay focused. No one said anything about  _ how _ they were going to celebrate. He just wishes Ulquiorra would stop putting that edge into his voice if they haven’t talked about it yet. Now that he knows he can trust Ulquiorra with his body and his pleasure, all he wants to do is kneel at his feet and let Ulquiorra take control of him.

He doesn’t even manage to voice a single word before Ulquiorra’s hand presses to the back of his neck, fingers wrapping around it and squeezing. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“The fact you know that I’m thinking about something at all is unfair.” Sosuke takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. “When you use your Dom voice, it makes me want to submit.”

“Would you be more comfortable if you were submitting to me?” Ulquiorra’s thumb strokes along the nape of his neck, and Sosuke shivers as he nods. “Hand me a pillow, Bazz.”

Quickly, Bazz responds to him, pushing a pillow into Ulquiorra’s hands that goes down on the carpet, giving Sosuke a place to kneel. Ulquiorra says nothing, only squeezing his neck and guiding him down; Sosuke falls into position as though it is as easy as breathing, thighs parting wide as he settles into position, his hands landing on his thighs without him even thinking about it. Ulquiorra’s fingers slip up into his hair, guiding Sosuke to rest his head on Ulquiorra’s thigh, the denim soft and over-washed beneath his cheek.

“Fuck, that’s beautiful.” Grimmjow sits down on the edge of the bed, and Sosuke feels almost overwhelmed to have those intense blue eyes on him right now. “I’m never going to be able to get over that. What do you think, Bazz? You weren’t here when he subbed.”

“I wasn’t.” Bazz looks him up and down slowly, and Sosuke only blinks placidly up at him, calmed by Ulquiorra’s hand petting his hair. “Fucking gorgeous as always, Sosuke.”

The praise makes Sosuke warm, and he nuzzles into Ulquiorra’s thigh. “Thank you both.”

“He’s lovely when he’s like this, calm and prepared to please.” Ulquiorra’s fingers trace a delicate path down the side of his face before gripping his chin, tilting it up so he has to meet Ulquiorra’s eyes. Green isn’t a warm color but they  _ burn, _ and Sosuke presses his thighs together at the sight, his breath hitching. “Would you want to be under their attention, sub? Have their hands on your body? I would control the limit of their touch.”

“Please, Sir.” The thought makes Sosuke’s skin itch with the desire to be touched, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “They can both have me if they want me.”

Ulquiorra raises an eyebrow at him, looking thoughtful. “Both of them inside of you at once? I suppose we could do that. I’ll charge them with preparing you.”

“Are you sure, So?” Bazz asks, voice careful. “I don’t want you thinking you gotta do it or anything. We can take turns if you wanted us both. We sure as hell don’t mind.”

Grimmjow nods. “Anything that makes you comfortable, that’s all we’re up for today.”

The sweetness of their words and the earnestness of their voices makes Sosuke close his eyes just to drink it in and revel in it; these three men have been nothing but perfect with him recently. He knows he can trust them to treat his body with respect, to make sure he is adequately prepared, and not to hurt him even as he surrenders himself to what will most likely be overwhelming pleasure. More than that, he knows he can trust Ulquiorra to take care of him and be there to comfort him should absolutely anything go wrong.

“I want it,” he murmurs, half-speaking the words into Ulquiorra’s thigh. “Please. It’s… A long-time fantasy, Sir, but there have been few men that I can trust to fill it.”

And though there had been two, there was no one separate from the scene to gauge his reaction, to watch over him and make sure he was fine. Nothing at all like that.

Ulquiorra’s thumb brushes over his lower lip and Sosuke whimpers softly. “It would be wrong of me to deny you what you ask for so sweetly, and I want to reward you anyway. For being the one who brought us together, intentional or not though it may be.”

Tears sting the corner of Sosuke’s eyes but he swallows them back, tilting his head to brush a kiss against Ulquiorra’s palm.  _ You can’t imagine how much you’ve helped me. _

“Come pick him up and lie him on the bed, Bazz.” Ulquiorra’s hand shifts away and Sosuke bites back a whine to hide his disappointment at losing the soft touch, telling himself to remain relaxed and calm. That far more is coming if he is patient. “Be gentle, nothing funny. Neither of you is allowed to finish undressing him without my command.”

The tone of his voice makes Sosuke shiver and he opens his eyes to watch Ulquiorra step away, making room for Bazz to kneel next to him, gathering Sosuke’s body up in his arms. He hadn’t noticed the slight chill in the room from the air conditioner until he finds himself pressed up against Bazz’s much warmer body, and he finds himself huddling in against him to soak in some of that warmth. And because he feels small right now, gathered at the center of their attention, so huddling feels natural.

“Baby,” Bazz whispers against his hair, “I’ve got you. It’s okay. You’re safe.”

Sosuke knows. He’s never felt safer than he does when he’s in their arms like this.

Grimmjow pulls the comforter back so that Sosuke’s bare back touches the sheets, impossibly soft against his skin, and his head comes to rest gently on one of the pillows. He should be used to it by now, the way these three take care of him, the art of their coming together to do so, but he feels like he may never be used to it. The swell of emotion in his chest just at the way Grimmjow and Bazz look down at him makes his throat tight and his chest ache in a surprisingly pleasant way, and they haven’t even done anything yet. It’s just the double soft fondness in their eyes managing to undo him like this.

“We really appreciate this, you know.” Grimmjow doesn’t touch him, he doesn’t have the permission to yet, but he can speak. “Letting all of us see you like this. It’s a privilege.”

Sosuke whines softly, pressing his cheek into the pillow. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s more than fine. Fuck, baby, you really are perfect.” Bazz is far less eloquent but the way his jade eyes glitter tell Sosuke everything he needs to know about his feelings.

When Ulquiorra joins them on the bed, he has the wand vibrator in hand again and a serious expression on his face. “Before anyone is allowed to do anything to him, I’m going to make him come. I think he deserves it. Help him take his underwear off, but the first hand that wanders between his legs without my permission is getting tied back.”

“Whatever you say, Quiorra.” Grimmjow skims a hand down Sosuke’s side, fingers slipping beneath the waistband of his boxers, tugging it away from his overheated flesh. “Let’s get him naked, Bazz. He made the best noises for the vibrator last time.”

Their hands are cooler than his overheated skin and Sosuke shivers at the sensation of their fingers on his thighs, sliding his boxers down with an agonizing slowness that makes him aware of just how sensitive he is and how much he wants. The space between his thighs feels too hot, too ready for touch like the mere ghost of a sensation might be all it takes to bring him. And how embarrassing would that be? He doesn’t even want to think about coming that fast, that suddenly, but the vibrator will make it hard.

“Put a hand in the bend of his knee and hold his legs apart for me.” Ulquiorra waits for them to do as he asked and Sosuke bites down hard on his lower lip when they obey, each of them holding his legs apart. Leaving him bare and exposed. “How lovely.”

At one juncture of his life, this would have been equal parts fantasy and terror all at once, but Sosuke feels nothing more than desired as his eyes flick from one face to another. Grimmjow’s hand squeezes gently in the soft, sensitive skin in the back of his knee and Sosuke feels his breath hitch at the sensation, his eyes fluttering shut. It’s not a great idea, though; he can feel the press of the vibrator between his thighs as if Ulquiorra waited for the moment when he looked away. He can barely breathe before it turns on.

“Fuck,” Bazz whispers when Sosuke whines, his legs jumping in their grasp as the powerful sensation buzzes over his skin, lighting his nerves. “God, he’s so fucking beautiful.”

“I want him to let go for us. To be entirely swept away in all of the sensation we can give him until there’s nothing left but the pleasure.” Ulquiorra palms his thigh, gliding the head of the wand along Sosuke’s labia. Not quite touching where he wants, not yet, but the vibrations are intense enough to make him moan. “Just like that. Open up for me, sub.”

Wand vibrators are more intense than most and designed for such a purpose, and Sosuke finds himself writhing in the grip of his lovers as the sensations threaten to overwhelm him. Under their attention with their hands on his body and their eyes trained on him, it’s hard not to build up to a faster orgasm than he is used to anticipating. He’s whimpering softly when Ulquiorra strokes the head of the wand over his clit, pushing him over the edge so suddenly it almost hurts, almost aches deeper than he can take.

His thighs tremble; Ulquiorra holds the wand in place until Sosuke gasps and then removes it, tossing it aside. Spread open like this, he feels sensitive and exposed, and Ulquiorra takes advantage, sliding his fingers over Sosuke’s wet, hot flesh before pressing two fingers inside of him. He’d already been excited from the way Bazz touched him, and now…

“You’re perfect.” Ulquiorra curls his fingers up and Sosuke all but sobs, too sensitive for this. “What do you want, Sosuke? Tell me what’s going to feel good to you, sub.”

Whining softly, Sosuke rocks his hips down, trying to take Ulquiorra’s fingers deeper inside of him. “I… Both of them. At the same time. I  _ want _ it. Please, I—”

“You don’t have to beg.” Ulquiorra quiets him, stroking a hand down the inside of his thigh, quieting the muscles jumping there almost frantically. Sosuke can’t help the way he tightens around Ulquiorra’s fingers at the thought of Bazz and Grimmjow inside of him at the same time, the intensity of the stretch and the pleasure. “If that’s what you want and they want to give it to you, then you’ll have it. Grimmjow, Bazz?”

“God, yes.” Grimmjow nods immediately. “Whatever he wants, it’s his. I’ll do anything.”

Bazz laughs softly and squeezes Sosuke’s knee gently. “Damn straight. I’ll do it for him.”

“Then bring me the lubricant so I can work him open.” Ulquiorra leans down, presses a kiss low on Sosuke’s belly. “I’ll take good care of you, sub. Trust me to prepare you.”

“Yes, Sir.” Sosuke closes his eyes, reveling in the attention, the way Ulquiorra’s fingers move inside of him. He almost whimpers when Ulquiorra takes his fingers away, when Grimmjow slips off of the bed to pick up the lube from the nightstand drawer.

Admittedly, it has been quite some time since Sosuke had anal sex. With the few partners he had prior to meeting Byakuya, it was the only way he would allow anyone to touch him sexually, and it was usually dissatisfying enough that he’d lock himself in the bathroom and get off with his hand while his partner slept. Byakuya was the first person who ever opened his eyes to the fact he could love his body and learn to trust people enough to touch him in a way that would actually satisfy him. It makes his heart twinge.

Not all the times between them were bad. Remembering that makes his chest ache.

“Relax for me.” Ulquiorra squeezes his hip gently, slick fingers caressing Sosuke’s hole gently. He can feel the muscles yielding to Ulquiorra’s touch, his body already attuned to his Dominant’s demands. “How perfect you are. Just lie there and I’ll do the work.”

His fingers continue stroking over and around Sosuke’s rim, the very tips testing the resistance there until it seems relaxed enough for his liking. When he slips just one inside, Sosuke gasps. His body is still so sensitive from orgasm but it opens so easily for Ulquiorra as if no part of him can even consider hesitation when it’s this man taking care of him.

The emotion makes his chest throb but he tries not to linger on that too much.

“Good boy.” Ulquiorra is slow and careful opening him up, careful movements of his finger. It brushes over nerve endings that make Sosuke shiver with want and he can only imagine how it’ll feel when he has one of these men inside of him. “Open up for me just like that.”

“Probably easier if it’s me,” Grimmjow says, and Ulquiorra hums as if in consideration.

Sosuke remembers just how stretched wide Bazz made him feel and nods his agreement. “Please,” he adds, hands twisting in the pillowcase his head is resting on.

Bazz palms his thigh, squeezing the flesh there. “Whatever you want, So. This is for you.”

“That is exactly it.” Ulquiorra slips another finger inside of him, pulling at his rim, and Sosuke feels hot and full on his fingers alone. “You are welcome to anything you want tonight. Look at me, sub, and tell me who you want, and where.”

“What Grimmjow said, Sir.” Sosuke moans when Ulquiorra thrusts his fingers deeper, the wet sound of the lube lewd in the air between them. “That’s what I want.”

Ulquiorra nods and falls quiet, his eyes falling between Sosuke’s legs, his focus so intense that it makes Sosuke squirm and close his eyes so he doesn’t have to see that look. He can just imagine, though, how much of a mess he probably looks right now. Every so often, he can feel his vaginal muscles flutter and squeeze around nothingness, an answer to Ulquiorra’s fingers slowly working his ass open. It’s almost too much, and his eyes prickle with tears when Ulquiorra finally stops, seemingly content with his work.

“Position?” Grimmjow asks. “There’s only a few ways that work with three people anyway.”

Sosuke drags his eyes open just in time to see Bazz drag his teeth over his lower lip before answering. “I don’t wanna have him on his knees ‘cause I feel like the strain in his hips and thighs is gonna get to him, and we’re already gonna have him strained enough. You lean back against the pillows and let him lay against you… I can do the heavy lifting.”

Grimmjow wings an eyebrow up. “You sure about that? That’s a lot of heavy lifting.”

“Believe me. It ain’t gonna be that hard to get you both off if it’s like that.” Bazz squeezes behind Sosuke’s knee gently. “His comfort’s the most important part.”

When Ulquiorra leans over him, it nearly takes Sosuke’s breath away. “Does that work for you, sub? We can always change position if something else is more suitable for you.”

“I want to try it, Sir,” Sosuke says truthfully. He already knows what it feels like to have Bazz on top of him, and that image combined with the sensation of Grimmjow strong and reassuring at his back sends a pleased shiver through his entire body. He  _ wants. _ “But what about you? I don’t know how you’d fit into the equation.”

Ulquiorra presses a brief kiss to his lips. “We’ll worry about me later, sub. For now, this is about you. I want you to give yourself to them and to the pleasure they give you. Color?”

“Green, Sir. I will.” And then Ulquiorra moves away from him, his hand lighting on first Bazz’s, then Grimmjow’s, shoulder. A silent command for them to move.

Bazz helps him sit up so Grimmjow can move behind him and Sosuke takes the chance to kiss him, curling a hand around the back of his neck to keep him close. There’s no denying how much Bazz wants this; it’s there in the way his tongue fervently sweeps through Sosuke’s mouth, curling against his own and coaxing a small moan from his throat. And he’s hard; Sosuke can feel the shape of his cock beneath his jeans.

“Hand him over, Black,” Grimmjow says, his tone just a touch playful. “It’s my turn.”

Bazz huffs softly against Sosuke’s lips. “Smack him if he gets mouthy with you, babe.”

Sosuke has a moment of reprieve just watching the two of them undress, stripping off the layers of their clothing, revealing the hard muscle beneath. He remembers being struck with insecurity every time he was around men like this but now he feels… Oddly safe and content here. Reassured. These men see him for who he is, no less. He can trust them to take care of him, to value him. He doesn’t have to be insecure.

Settling in against Grimmjow’s chest feels natural though the quality of having his thighs spread over Grimmjow’s much more muscular ones makes Sosuke aware of just what position they’re in. His nerves are singing, his body primed and ready for what Grimmjow is going to give him; he can feel the soft press of lips against the side of his neck, Grimmjow kissing the skin there to help him remain calm and relaxed. Bazz settles between both of their legs, taking the lube from Ulquiorra, who only sits next to them, watching.

“Gonna get you ready myself, Grimm, so hold the fuck still.” Bazz squeezes the slick gel into his hands, rubbing it between them before wrapping both of them around Grimmjow’s cock. Grimmjow’s low moan in Sosuke’s ear makes him groan softly in answer. “God, that’s hot. Sosuke, just do me a favor and hold still. I’ll take care of you.”

The tip of Grimmjow’s cock is blunt and stretches him wider than he anticipates, stealing the breath out of his lungs. Sosuke has to force himself to take a deep breath and relax, and for a moment he thinks that might be futile anyway, that his body is simply not going to allow Grimmjow inside of him. But Grimmjow rolls his hips, and Bazz gently rubs the head against his rim until the muscle gives. There’s another breathless moment where it doesn’t feel like it’s going to fit and then it slips in, and Sosuke falls back into Grimmjow’s arms. Compared to that, the rest feels much easier sliding inside, wet with lube.

“Not bad.” Bazz’s fingers rub at the stretched hot skin of his rim until Sosuke shudders and groans, and then his fingers slip up, trailing along his slit. “You need a minute?”

Sosuke nods. “Just a minute or two. It’s been a while for me at least.”

“Take as much time as you need.” Bazz leans down to kiss him, then past him to kiss Grimmjow, and Sosuke can’t resist turning his head to watch the two of them.

There is  _ something _ there in the way Bazz catches Grimmjow by the chin, holding his head in place as he kisses him, a subtle command not to move. To stay still. Sosuke watches them, watches their lips bruise together, watches Bazz scrape his teeth over Grimmjow’s lip, pulling it between them before letting it snap back into place. Chasing the kiss back to his mouth, licking into his mouth, strong and forceful. It makes Sosuke burn hotter.

When Bazz finally leans back, mouth smeared with saliva, lips swollen, pupils dilated, Sosuke is desperate for him. “You ready, So? Think you can take me now?”

“Yes.” Sosuke reaches for him, wraps a hand around his cock, feeling it hard and swollen and hot in his hand and against his palm. “Don’t make me wait any longer. Please, Bazz.”

“You don’t gotta beg, baby, I ain’t in charge.” Bazz picks up the lube again and exhausts the bottle slicking his own cock, pulling the foreskin back over the glans, shiny and wet with pre-come. “I want you to take deep breaths. It’s gonna be overwhelming at first.”

_ You’ve done this before, _ Sosuke thinks, and he’s not jealous. He’s glad, because it means Bazz has the experience necessary to make this work. “I will. Take care of me.”

“Of course.” Bazz kisses him again, strokes a hand down between his thighs, spreading the lube over his folds and around his entrance. He’s so wet already that it’s almost embarrassing; the noise that leaves him when Bazz presses his fingers inside definitely is.

Like Ulquiorra before him, Bazz takes his time stretching Sosuke open before ever shifting forward to ease the tip of his cock inside. It’s a tight fit. It’s overwhelming, on the edge of too much. Sosuke’s tighter than usual and he knows it’s because Grimmjow is inside of him already, and there’s not much he can do about it other than to breathe. In and out, in and out, trying not to focus on the delicious friction, the push-pull of Bazz working his way inside centimeter by centimeter.

“Fuck.” Grimmjow nuzzles against the curve of his neck, breathing against his skin. “God, I can feel him moving inside of you. You keep getting tighter around my cock. You good?”

“‘M perfect,” Sosuke reassures him, not sure he can manage any other words right now.

The stretch is luxurious, pushing his body to new heights, opening him up slowly but surely, and Bazz takes such gentle care of him. When he finally bottoms out, he braces a hand on the mattress, panting softly. “Christ, So, you feel amazing. You doing good? Color?”

Ulquiorra makes a soft noise. “Do you need me to intervene in any way?”

“Green, Sir,” Sosuke tells him, and Ulquiorra’s eyes warm as he nods, leaning back into the pillows. And then Grimmjow catches him by the jaw and kisses him.

He can  _ feel _ them both inside of him. The pressure is impossible to ignore, the fullness, the way that every twitch and every shift of their bodies rubs up against him. It’s impossible not to brush against the sensitive spots and nerves inside of his body given how tightly they’re pressed against all of them. When he gives his hips an experimental roll, it rips a shocked little cry out of his throat, both of his men moaning loudly for him.

“Not too fast, darling.” Ulquiorra pets a hand down the side of his face and Sosuke pants softly, leaning into his touch, the delicate and cool brush of his fingers.

“Let me do the work,” Bazz says, and Sosuke looks up at him, not sure what to say. “Lie here and let me do it for both of you. Fuck, baby, it’s the least I can do.”

Grimmjow wraps an arm around his waist, keeping him in place. “I got him. Go for it, Bazz.”

Before Sosuke can verbalize that it doesn’t seem fair to make Bazz do the work, he pulls out slowly, smoothly, and thrusts back in. The sudden jar of it, the rub against his walls and the groan Grimmjow mouths into his skin steals the barely-there complaint from his lips and has him going boneless in Grimmjow’s arms. The movements are just enough to nudge him up off of Grimmjow’s cock and pull him back down, and he can feel them  _ rubbing _ against each other through the wall of his body, pulling a soft cry from his throat.

“That’s right.” Bazz pulls Sosuke’s thighs up into his own lap, kneeling closer to him, using that impressive height to his advantage as he slowly works out a tentative rhythm. The lube helps, and Sosuke’s aroused, his body eagerly responding to the pleasure. “Look up at me with those pretty brown eyes and let me give you the best orgasm of your life.”

It’s hard to do anything but, so Sosuke lets go and lets himself do nothing but  _ feel. _

He’s been between men before, but it was always Renji and Byakuya, and none of them are forceful and all-encompassing in the way Bazzard Black is. It’s not violence; Bazz could never hurt him, doesn’t have it in him to do so. He’s firm, his thrusts growing harder and deeper as he gains the traction he wants, finds the rhythm that works for him so like a drummer. His hands are locked on Sosuke’s thighs, holding them where he wants them. His body moves in smooth and even thrusts and he’s so insistent and yet so careful that it’s hard not to be swallowed up by the desire and affection in his dark jade eyes.

Beneath him, Grimmjow shifts and moans and curses, gives his hips small rolls that have him grinding inside of Sosuke, threatening to roll his eyes back in his head. Every nerve ending in his body feels especially sensitive and these two are touching all of those nerves so directly and without hesitation, engulfing him in a red hot pleasure.

“You’re beautiful when you take your pleasure, Sosuke.” Ulquiorra watches them from his pile of pillows, hand only half-massaging his cock still tucked away in his pants. “Enjoy yourself to the fullest. I want you to feel just how much we all love you.”

It’s too much, all of this, but Sosuke revels in it, drinks it in and lets it wash over him. Bazz strokes a hand down the side of his face, presses his fingers against Sosuke’s lower lip until Sosuke sucks them into his mouth. There’s just the faint taste of lube but the way Bazz’s fingers press down against his tongue makes him moan, smears drool down the corner of his mouth. He’s a mess right now, so wet and hot and desperate.

The slick hot sucking sounds of his own body are obscenely loud, louder now than ever before against the backbeat of flesh thudding into flesh. Bazz’s fingers dig into the meat of his thigh, pressing into the muscle there until it twitches in answer. Beneath him, Grimmjow writhes against his back, fucking up into his ass, the rhythm of their bodies ensuring he’s never too empty or too full. Sosuke can do nothing but moan with them.

“Fuck,” Bazz whispers. “He’s too fucking tight. I can’t hold on much longer than this.”

Ulquiorra clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “You don’t have to. I’ll finish him off. It would be my honor to watch him come under me once more.”

Grimmjow’s answering laugh is soft, huffy, strained. “I’m with Bazz. He just feels too fucking good for me to stop. It’s so hard to hold it back at all.”

Sosuke cranes his head back to meet those beautiful blue eyes. “Then don’t.”

He’s so achingly close when they both come inside of him, making a mess of him, hot and sticky but he doesn’t mind. It’s almost too much when Bazz pulls out of him, a slow drag against his sensitive inner walls, and he’s outright whimpering when Grimmjow does the same, lying him down against the mattress. He’s exhausted, worn thin, but he still finds the energy to perk up when Ulquiorra comes to kneel between his spread thighs.

“You look so tired.” Pale fingers trace down the side of his face and Sosuke turns into them, tongue curling around them. “Easy, sub. I want to fuck your thighs. Is that okay?”

“Yes, Sir. I like the way it feels.” He’d done it once, with Byakuya. The drag against his vulva and the friction warming his skin made it somewhat of a guilty pleasure.

He likes looking at Ulquiorra’s body as he stripes nude, the muscle definition in his chest and abdomen that wasn’t there the first time Sosuke ever saw him naked. He’s slender still, lean muscle instead of toned and broad, but his hands are dexterous as they guide Sosuke’s thighs to press together. There’s so much lube and semen and his own wetness down the insides of his thighs that they need nothing else for Ulquiorra to thrust his cock between them, and Sosuke squirms at the drag of it already, the gentle friction.

“You have lovely thighs, sub. Strong and soft.” Ulquiorra caresses the outsides of them, squeezing them, rocking his hips slowly so that his shaft drags against Sosuke’s vulva. “I’ve wanted to do this with you for quite a while now, but I never found the time to.”

Sosuke arches up against him, trying to help him, his body so tired. “Feel free to, Sir.”

“I will.” Ulquiorra smiles down at him. There’s so much fondness in the gentle lift of his lips that it’s too much to bear, too sweet. “I love you, Sosuke. You’ve been so good for me, for us. Take your last orgasm and we’ll clean you up and tuck you into bed to rest.”

“I love you, too, Sir.” And Sosuke closes his eyes and just lets himself give in.

He’s sensitive, his clit hard and swollen, and the drag of Ulquiorra’s cock against it is more than enough to tip him over the edge one last time. It’s too powerful, has his entire body arching off of the bed as he cries out, fingers clawing at the sheets beneath him. Only his hips remain pinned in place, held firm by Ulquiorra’s hands. Distantly, he can feel the wet splash of Ulquiorra’s orgasm against his belly, shivering at the heat of it.

Slowly, Ulquiorra spreads his thighs, soothing the juncture of them, massaging the muscles there. “Take slow, deep breaths while you come down from that.”

“Fuck, he’s so beautiful.” Bazz’s voice is close and Sosuke stretches out a hand, a pleased little sigh leaving his lips when a strong hand catches his, softer lips kissing his palm.

“He is,” Grimmjow agrees in an almost sing-song, and Sosuke preens at the praise, happy to be wrapped in their warmth, the security of their love and devotion. “I’ll go get the shower going? He’s too tired for a bath and I think we’d completely dirty up the water anyway.”

Bazz hums softly. “You’ve seen my walk-in, it’s got enough room for four people. We can hold him up and take turns washing him since we’re the ones who got him dirty.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” The tone of Ulquiorra’s voice makes it law, not suggestion. “Go warm the water, Grimmjow, and we’ll bring Sosuke to the bathroom.”

The weight on the mattress shifts and Sosuke opens his eyes slowly, watching Grimmjow leave through feathered lashes before he finds himself turning toward Ulquiorra once more, instinctively seeking out his Dominant now that he’s spent and vulnerable. Without hesitation, Ulquiorra lies down next to him, fingers stroking through the weight of his hair, lips tracing along the line of his jaw before pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“Well done, sub.” He murmurs the words right against Sosuke’s ear. “I’m so proud of you.”

The words sink into him, making a home between his ribs right next to his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you have any idea how many fucking hands are in a foursome? do you really? do you?
> 
> anyway very soft uwu porn with feelings because sosuke deserves to be showered with affection.
> 
> things that are coming up:  
> \- nnoites party  
> \- starrk premiere


	32. sorry doesn't fix everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** some discussion

Byakuya is not used to the nerves and anxiety clawing viciously at his gut as he sits quietly on the end of the couch, his eyes trained on the clock above the television, his fingers tapping out a familiar rhythm on the arm as he waits for Sosuke to come home.

_ How many mistakes did you need to make before you realized what you were doing? How many times did you have to hurt him? _ The questions keep pinging around the inside of his skull, the remnants of his argument with Renji still residing with him as he tries to set the thoughts aside to school himself. If Sosuke is coming home and needs to talk to him about something important, the least he can do is make himself presentable and speak calmly and gently with him about whatever he needs. Besides, his marriage with Sosuke should always have been the most important relationship in his life no matter what happened.

He tries to shrug off the memory of earthen eyes  _ burning _ at him from the other side of the kitchen table.  _ Get your fucking shit together or fuck off. He deserves better. Rukia deserves better. Stop being an idiot and figure your fucking life out. _

“One thing at a time,” Byakuya murmurs to himself. “Sosuke is most important right now.”

He checks his phone again, double-checking the time Sosuke said he would be coming over, the message simple and neat and instilling within him a terror he did not know was possible.  _ Need to talk to you about something important. Be over at nine. _

The clock on the wall reads eight fifty-six. Byakuya inhales slowly, exhales slowly. Nearly chokes on the oxygen and hates himself for letting it all come down to this.

He should have been better for Sosuke. Their marriage has lasted over ten years; he needs to stop acting like Sosuke is still the hollow-eyed, tired young man who walked into his arms and wept on his shoulder and admitted he needed help desperately.

_ Needed help, _ Byakuya reminds himself, letting his head fall back against the couch.  _ And now he needs it, and it’s because of me. How the hell could I  _ do _ this to him? _

Too much had been put in front of Sosuke, and Byakuya hates to admit it to himself. Hates how quickly he lashed out. Hates how he pushed away the man he tied himself to in more ways than one rather than admit to himself that Sosuke doesn’t  _ need _ his help the same way he used to, that he can make decisions for himself. That he should be allowed to make those decisions even if it risks hurting him because he is an adult, and Byakuya needs to step the fuck away from him and let him do what he needs to do in order to be happy. Who in God’s name tells his husband he won’t take care of him if his heart gets broken again?

_ Bastard, _ Byakuya thinks, squeezing his eyes shut.  _ I am a complete and utter bastard. _

Tires on asphalt have him jumping off of the couch far too soon, far too jittery.

He peeks around the edge of the curtain, his mouth twisting into a frown when he sees Bazz step out of the car, rounding it to open the door for Sosuke. He brought Bazz with him? Maybe he finds it necessary. Maybe he doesn’t trust Byakuya to have informed and adult conversations. Maybe he’s tired of leaving the house alone.

The thought makes Byakuya’s gut sour. He’s glad he didn’t end up drinking anything for even a sliver of courage because he thinks he might have quickly thrown it up.

Patiently, Byakuya waits for a knock to come at the door, counting down from five slowly before he walks up to answer it. On the other side of the door, Sosuke looks stunning in something so simple, a wine red button-down and white pants, his hair tied back out of his face. He looks rested and happy, too, though there is something hesitant about his expression as he stands in the doorway. It makes Byakuya’s chest ache.

“Hello, Byakuya.” His voice is pitched low and soft. “Am I allowed to come in?”

Byakuya presses his lips together and gives a quick nod. “Of course. I’m happy to have you home even if it’s just for this conversation. Bazz, it’s nice to see you, too.”

Bazz wings a brow up at him as he steps into the house, pushing the door shut behind him as he goes. “That so? Well, thank you. It’s very mature of you to say that.”

“Wait just a moment. Before we… Before we sit down to talk, there’s something I need to say to the both of you. But mostly to you, Sosuke.” Byakuya meets his husband’s eyes— that soft and gentle brown he’s come to love so much over the years, a brown that glows almost golden in the right lights— and swallows hard. “Will you let me say something?”

Sosuke studies his face for a quiet moment before nodding once. “That’s fine. Go ahead.”

Slowly, Byakuya lowers himself down to one knee, and then the second, the hardwood floor biting into his knees through his jeans as he fixes his eyes on Sosuke’s shoes. Carefully, he leans forward, planting his hands flat against the floor, lowering himself until his forehead rests against the wood. He can smell the faint scent of the lemon cleaner they use to keep the wood clean and shiny but not too slick to walk on. He remembers Sosuke insisting on it.

“I’m sorry.” He has to raise his voice to be heard with the position he’s in, his eyes squeezed shut tight. “I’ve hurt you so much. I’ve said so many harmful things to you. Not just in the past few weeks, but during our lives together. There is no excuse for my actions, and I will not hold it against you if you don’t forgive me.”

He can hear the soft, sharp inhale of Sosuke’s breath above him. “What’s this for? I thought I was to blame in this situation. Did something change? Where’s Rukia?”

Byakuya swallows hard around the knot in his throat. “She’s staying with Orihime for the night. This is… This is for you. Because you are a kind and wonderful man with more love in your heart than even I am aware of, and I’ve done nothing but hurt you.”

“Holy shit,” Bazz breathes, but he says nothing else. Just the two words.

“I’ve never seen you like this before.” Sosuke sounds uncertain above him and Byakuya forces himself to raise his eyes so he can see his husband, see the confused expression on his face. “Why? What made you realize what you’d done wrong? Nothing I said did.”

It is best to be honest, and Byakuya knows this. “Renji and I had a fight. I’m sorry, Sosuke, that our conversations didn’t open my eyes the way that fight did. He was… Much blunter in his choice of words than you typically are. It forced me to confront the truth.”

“Oh,” Bazz muses, drawing the word out. “So he got up in your face about it, huh?”

The comment makes Byakuya cringe, but it’s true. Renji pulled no punches. “Yes. And he was right. Every single word he spoke was right. I’ve been treating you like that lost boy I met in university instead of my strong and confident husband, and that’s wrong of me. I’m your partner, not your legal guardian, and I can’t and shouldn’t treat you like this.”

“I’m not as confident as you always make me out to be.” Sosuke sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. “I wish you would just understand that.”

Slowly, Byakuya nods. “I’m beginning to, just a little. But I am. And I’m sorry for making it worse. For making you think there could ever be anyone else in my life who made me feel the way I do for you. For the cruel things I said to you. You never deserved it.”

“And all the times you made him cry,” Bazz adds, wincing when Sosuke shoots him a look.

The thought of Sosuke crying in another man’s arms instead of his makes Byakuya sick. “For all the times I made him cry,” he echoes softly, his heart nearly breaking at the way Sosuke looks down at him. “You should never have cried. You were in love with them, and it was… Unfair of me to take my insecurities about the relationship out on you.”

Sosuke’s face softens just slightly. “I know a thing or two about insecurities, Byakuya.”

_ How many of them did I make worse? _ “I know that. It makes it all the worse, how I treated you. I… When you sent me that message, I thought you were coming here to tell me you wanted a divorce. And if you do, I’ll… I’ll give you one, because I don’t have a right to demand that you stay if you think it’ll only make you miserable.”

The fear ate at him from the moment the message came in. Even without the fight with Renji to fuel his uncertainty, he was sure he would have come to the same conclusion. Sosuke is miserable with him. He’s upset, he’s hurting, and Byakuya… Lashed out at him, and took his own fear and pain out on him instead of protecting him and shielding him the way he  _ needed _ to be. Not coddled, Not treated like a child. Loved, like a precious partner.

How can he call Aizen Sosuke the other half of his soul and still treat him this way?

The breath rushes out of his lungs when Sosuke falls to his knees in front of him. “You really think I came here to leave you? Is that what my message made you think?”

Byakuya nods slowly, sitting back on his heels, taking in Sosuke’s expression. The way the skin between his brows bunches, soft and kissable. The frown tugging at the corners of his lips. “You deserve to be happy. If I don’t make you happy, then you should leave me.”

“I don’t… I don’t  _ want _ to just walk away without trying. We haven’t tried counseling. This is just even the first time you’ve heard me out properly.” Sosuke sighs softly, and the muscles in his shoulders loosen. “You’re my husband. I married you because I thought we belonged together. Yes, you’ve… You’ve been an asshole to me. More than once, especially lately, but you didn’t used to be that way. I don’t understand what changed.”

The soft lost tone of his voice makes Byakuya’s chest hurt. Carefully, he takes one of Sosuke’s hands in his, twining their fingers together. “We can attend counseling sessions. I’ll attend private sessions as well if you think it would be right.”

“Whatever Renji said to you, it must’ve been pretty rough.” Bazz drops down on the couch like he lives here, but Byakuya doesn’t have it in him to be annoyed right now.

“It was only the truth. And I needed to hear it, just the way he phrased it.”  _ You had the greatest goddamn thing in the entire world and you fucking spit on it and stomped on it because of your damned pride, and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of you. _

Sosuke frowns harder at him. “I hope you don’t expect me to speak in such a fashion.”

“No. Unless you want to, that is. In which case, it’s well within your rights.” Byakuya carefully raises Sosuke’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles. “I’m sorry. You should pursue any relationship that will make you happy. I want your happiness more than anything else.”

When Sosuke exhales, the sound is heavy. There is so much weight to it. “Byakuya, I didn’t even… I didn’t even  _ want _ this. I was always afraid of losing you, but I never… I never—”

“You never wanted what?” Byakuya asks carefully, his heart fluttering dangerously fast behind his ribs.  _ How many mistakes did I make? How many assumptions were wrong? _

Even Bazz is quiet now, head tilted toward them like he’s listening oh so carefully.

“When you told me you wanted an open marriage, I thought it was because I couldn’t satisfy you. That I wasn’t enough for you. I never wanted it for myself.” Sosuke is so quiet that Byakuya thinks he must have misheard him, but he sees the way Bazz’s shoulders bunch up, hears the sharp sound of his choked gasp. “I just—”

“I’m sorry.” Apologize, apologize,  _ apologize. _ “I never wanted to make you feel like you weren’t enough for me. Oh, God, Sosuke. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Bazz inhales, exhales. “I think I should probably leave. This is a private conversation.”

The slight flair of panic in Sosuke’s eyes has Byakuya’s hand moving before he can stop it, catching Bazz by the collar of his shirt, keeping him in place. “Stay. He wants you to stay. Don’t make assumptions based on what he just said, Bazz. Don’t be like me.”

It’s enough, he thinks, because Bazz relaxes under his hand and soft relief shows in Sosuke’s eyes. “Thank you. No, I didn’t want that originally. But I’m not ashamed of it now. I love them, all three of them. You’ll have to accept them as a part of my life.”

“I’ve done so much to hurt you. So much more than I even knew.” Byakuya wants to crawl into a hole and fucking  _ die. _ He’s turning into his grandfather, into a man he stubbornly respected as a child before growing up to realize the man was just a very carefully crafted monster. Taking Rukia to see him while Sosuke was gone was necessary; the bastard would have never left them in peace unless he saw her once, and Byakuya can’t stand the way he looks at Sosuke. “If I can’t fix it, I accept that. But if I can, I’ll do anything.”

Sosuke is quiet for a moment, but he doesn’t take his hand back. Byakuya doesn’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. “You’ll go to counseling with me? You promise me?”

“Yes. I’ll even drive us every single session if you want me to.” Again, Byakuya kisses his knuckles as gently as he can. “I’ll do whatever I can to make this right for you. You’re my husband, the most important man to me in the entire world.”

“Okay. Then that’s what I want. Counseling has helped Ulquiorra, so I think it might be a viable solution.” Slowly, Sosuke smiles at him, and Byakuya feels his heart flutter at the sight of it.  _ Oh, my love. _ “I didn’t text you to divorce you, for what it’s worth. But I’m glad you apologized. It makes me think there might be some of the man I love still there.”

“Regardless, I did owe you an apology.” Byakuya kisses his hand one last time before forcing himself to let go of it. “I’m sorry if this seemed melodramatic, but it seemed appropriate. Would you like to move the conversation over to the couch now?”

Bazz snorts at him. “You should have licked his shoes. I think that would’ve done it.”

“You’re right.” Byakuya carefully picks his way around the couch, sitting on the edge of the coffee table in front of Bazz while Sosuke sits on the couch. “I owe you an apology, too. I owe you many apologies. For singling you out for your mistakes, for behaving in an unprofessional manner, and for taking shots at your personal life without knowing any of the details. You’ve been good to Sosuke. I can see it just looking at him.”

“I know I’ve been. I’ve been in love with him for a while now.” Bazz lifts his chin, the challenge clear in his eyes. Byakuya knows better than to rise to the bait.

Besides, Bazz has a right to be shitty with him after how he’s treated him. “I can see that now. I’m glad that things have worked out between the four of you so that you and Sosuke can be together now. Thank you for looking after him.”

“When you put in the work and start treating Sosuke like the prince he is, I’ll believe that you mean everything you say. Not before. But I appreciate the apology.” Bazz slips an arm around Sosuke’s shoulders, and Byakuya notes the way Sosuke leans into him, so easy and comfortable.  _ Good. _ He needs to stop being stupid and being threatened by Sosuke’s happiness even if it does come with other men.  _ I was the one who wanted the open marriage, not the other way around. I don’t get to be upset with him about it. _

Sosuke holds a hand out to him, and Byakuya takes it in both of his. “You might not like what I’m about to tell you, but I wanted to discuss it in person.”

“I’m open to anything you need to talk about. I promise.” Byakuya’s eyes slide to Bazz. “And if I say anything rude or inconsiderate, I’m sure Bazz will call me out on it. So, go ahead.”

“Don’t worry. I definitely will,” Bazz reassures him, and Byakuya nods. That’s fair.

“Sternritter have called a halt to their actions as a band in favor of Bach’s health, which I’m sure you know,” Sosuke says, and Byakuya nods. Oh, he knows. It had thrown touring plans straight into the garbage, not that missing two band members hadn’t already done that. “Cang Du and As Nodt have asked Bazz to come back to Germany for a while to perhaps work on a new band together, and Bazz has asked me to go with him. I want to.”

_ To Germany? _ Byakuya blinks at him a handful of times, giving himself a moment to process this. It makes sense. Even he remembers how well the three former bandmates had gotten along when they were on tour together. “When did you want to go on this trip?”

“The end of the month,” Bazz says, and Byakuya nods slowly, mentally combing through his schedule as he knows it. “No guarantees on how long it’s going to be, though.”

“I don’t see why you can’t go. I know you have the available vacation time at work.” Again, Byakuya keeps his voice as careful as possible, not wanting to upset his husband.

Sosuke perks up immediately. “So you don’t mind me going? You’re not upset about it?”

“Of course not. It’s important to you and to Bazz, so I understand why you want to go.”  _ How do we work on our marriage if you’re so far away? What about Rukia? _ “Are Grimmjow and Ulquiorra going to be with the two of you? Their wedding is this summer, correct?”

“They’re going to get married back home. It’s legal there, too,” Bazz says.

That makes sense. A foreign wedding sounds romantic, even. “That sounds nice. Will Yumichika be coming with you to serve as vocalist? You’d have a complete band with that.”

“That’s the plan.” Bazz squeezes Sosuke gently around the shoulders. “We’re gonna pick up all the pieces together basically. And it gives me an excuse to take the three men I love away on a romantic getaway. So, are you gonna have a problem with Sosuke coming?”

“No. Not at all.” Byakuya takes his phone out of his pocket so he can check his digital schedule directly, hesitating over one of the marked dates with a small frown before giving his head a shake. “It might be difficult to go to marriage counseling with you so far away and in a different timezone. Would… Would you want me to come with you?”

The question hangs in the air between them and Byakuya blinks down at his phone, at himself really. Go  _ with _ them? He has a job. He has a band to manage, to pick up the pieces for yet again now that they have lost even more members than they did the first time. He has a boyfriend to make up with, a boyfriend whose birthday he might  _ miss _ if he—

No. Sosuke is more important than all of that. If Sosuke wants him to come, then he will.

“We could possibly find a counselor there together, or perhaps arrange video calls, but I think it would be easier if we only had to adjust for that.” His mind is racing and he refuses to lift his head, studying his schedule and all of the dates he would miss. All of the work he would be giving up. “I know you won’t want to just leave Rukia, of course. If anything were to happen with you so far away, I know it’d upset you.”

Sosuke’s voice is pitched low, cautious. “It would. Byakuya, that’s… Are you sure? Your job is different than mine. You have more direct work to do. Me leaving means shuffling work around for certain, but you’re the link between Nozarashi and all of their contacts—”

“I won’t come if Bazz doesn’t want me to.” That seems fair, doesn’t it? This trip is special to him, after all. “I wouldn’t get in the way. I just… I want you to be happy, Sosuke.”

_ Your happiness means more to me than everything else, and you need to know that. I need to show you no matter what it takes me to do that. _

Bazz clears his throat. “Well, if you apologize to Grimmjow and Ulquiorra for being a bastard about everything and you actually work on this counseling thing while you’re there… I guess it’s fine. I know you mean a lot to Sosuke. I don’t want to fuck that up.”

Slowly, Byakuya lifts his head, meeting Bazz’s jade eyes. “Are you sure? You’re fine with—”

“Look, it wasn’t even my fucking intention to get between the two of you in the first place. He’s your husband. You’re his husband. I used to think you two were soulmates.” Bazz rubs his thumb in slow, easy circles over Sosuke’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I think now. But I know Sosuke loves you. And if you mean it for real, then. Yeah. You should come.”

Sosuke smiles softly, fingers tucking a loose strand of hair back behind one ear. “Rukia would have so much fun there. We can show her the sights.”

“Anything you want to do,” Byakuya says softly. He swallows down his pride once more, bows his head to Bazz. “Thank you. I’ll do my best to make it up to all of you.”

“Stop being such a goddamn weirdo, Byakuya. You were my manager, y’know, like… You’re acting like you’re dying or something.” Bazz rolls his eyes, and Byakuya chuckles softly.

The tension that’s been wound through his body slowly dissipates and he exhales, letting himself have a moment of reprieve before he straightens up. “I want to thank you both for hearing me out. I have every intention of doing everything I’ve said.”

“I’m glad we had this talk. It means a lot to me that you’re doing this for me.” Sosuke fidgets for a moment with his sleeves. “I should have spoken up. Like I said, I’m happy with my relationships. But originally, I agreed to having an open marriage because I didn’t think you were happy with the sex. Because I didn’t submit the way you wanted me to.”

_ I have so many mistakes to make amends for. _ “Sosuke, you were a beautiful submissive.”

“You’re too stern,” Bazz says, and Byakuya blinks at him. Since when does he know the details of their bedroom life? Ah, but he probably would have learned them from Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, all things considered. “He needs it softer than you give it.”

“And it’s… I know you probably don’t mean anything by it, but it’s difficult to see you chase after these masculine men when you know I’m…” Sosuke trails off, turns his head away.

Byakuya knows, now that he isn’t acting like an asshole. “It makes you feel insecure.”

“Because I can’t ever be that. I won’t, I don’t want to be, but it’s what you want.” Sosuke frowns; Byakuya reaches for him, touches his shoulder gently.

“I like the image of powerful, strong men breaking at my feet. That’s the only reason why I tend to choose the most hyper masculine partners. It doesn’t mean you’re less than them, or that you don’t satisfy me.” Gently, Byakuya cups his chin, urging those soft brown eyes to meet his once more. “Do you want softness? I’ll learn it for you to show you that I love you just the way you are. You’re my perfect, handsome husband. No one could ever outshine you in my eyes. If I’ve made you feel that way, I’ll show you otherwise.”

Bazz swats his hand away. “When you’ve worked on your problems and only under Ulquiorra’s supervision since he knows what Sosuke likes. I’m sure Sosuke trusts you, but hell no am I gonna let that fly. You both need to be in a better place first.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t want to rush Sosuke into anything that makes him feel uncomfortable.” Byakuya clears his throat and winces. “Would either of you like something to drink? I’ve just realized my throat is feeling a bit dry.”

“Did you get nervous and avoid drinking anything in case you ended up sick?” Sosuke asks.

Byakuya smiles kindly. “Yes, I did. You know me well. Tea, my love?”

“Please.” Sosuke smiles sweetly at him, and finally Byakuya feels a tiny bit better.

He puts water on to boil and fetches Sosuke’s favorite tea out of the cabinet, telling himself to just breathe. Counseling is what they need, and Sosuke has no plans to divorce him without trying first. The mistakes he’s made, he can still make up for. And he’s going to do everything he can to show the beautiful man in the living room just how much he loves him and treasures him, how Sosuke is still the center of his universe.

_ If your fucking pride is more important to you than him, then you deserve to lose him. _

Byakuya returns to the living room with tea for all three of them and, feeling a touch bolder, sits on the couch next to Sosuke. “Have you been sleeping well?”

“I have been.” Sosuke takes a sip from his mug, looking content. “I missed this.”

“Me, too.” Byakuya sets his mug down on the table and, very carefully, smoothes his hand up and down Sosuke’s back, feeling the muscles there soften under his touch. “I’m glad you’ve been sleeping. And eating, from the looks of it. You look like you’re doing well.”

“I’ve been doing my best,” Bazz says, and Byakuya believes him. “How’s Ren been doing?”

Byakuya is quiet for a moment, tipping his head back with a sigh. “He stormed off after we had our fight and I haven’t spoken to him since. I probably need to sit down and do that.”

“It would be for the best,” Sosuke confirms, and Byakuya closes his eyes when he feels Sosuke’s soft lips brush against his cheek. “Do you think, though, just for tonight… I was originally not planning on staying. I had thought the conversation would go poorly.”

He was expecting to leave and go back to Bazz’s house to stay. The thought makes Byakuya’s chest hurt. “If you want to stay home tonight, you’re more than welcome to.”

“Do you want me to go?” Bazz asks, nosing against the side of Sosuke’s neck gently.

“If you would like Bazz to stay the night here as well, I am not against it,” Byakuya says, and Sosuke blinks at him as if he’s surprised by this. “I know the two of us don’t get along, but I’ll be on my best behavior and I will not say anything negative toward him.”

Bazz whistles. “You must be serious about winning him over, huh?”

“I would like Bazz to stay the night, yes, but I do want to stay here with you, too. I did miss you, as much as it hurt me to hear the things you said.” Sosuke turns to him, their knees brushing gently as he does. “I love you. Despite everything else, you’re my beloved husband. When I said my vows, I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. I don’t think I can, currently, but if you choose to hurt me again, I’ll do what I have to do to be happy.”

Gently, Byakuya raises a hand, stroking his fingers down Sosuke’s cheek. “I encourage you to. Don’t stay with me because you feel like you have to. I want you to be happy.”

“That’s the man I married.” Sosuke shifts closer to him, the ends of their noses brushing together gently. “Please be careful with my heart this time. It’s always been in the palm of your hand, but I think sometimes you forget just how important of a gift it is.”

“I won’t do that again. I promise you. You’ve given me two of the most wonderful gifts I’ve ever received.” Byakuya’s hand cups his cheek this time, cradling his face. He’s so  _ handsome _ and he doesn’t see it like he should, doesn’t see how scholarly his features are, how intelligent and well-spoken he just  _ looks. _ “Your heart, and our daughter.”

Sosuke closes his eyes and Byakuya kisses him, a carefully measured press of their lips. No pressure to do more, nothing too heavy or passionate, just a few soft brushes to remind Sosuke that he loves him, that he treasures him, that he is going to make this right. That he will work his fingers to the bone to do everything he can for them. He hasn’t destroyed their marriage yet. He has the chance to do everything he can to make it right.

“Sappy,” Bazz tells him when he leans back, though his gaze is more focused on the soft, visible flush high on the points of Sosuke’s cheekbones than anything else. “Do I have to sleep in a guest room? ‘Cause I totally can, but I need a head’s up first.”

Byakuya slowly shakes his head. “No, you don’t have to. If Sosuke wants to sleep in the middle in the master bedroom, then we can share the mattress. There’s room for three.”

“I would like that,” Sosuke admits, and Byakuya smiles faintly. So there  _ are _ some things he does know. Baby steps, then. “We haven’t eaten, either. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra went to a friend’s party, so we didn’t do dinner before they left. Do you care if we eat?”

“Not at all. You can order takeout if you’re not up for cooking.” Byakuya is already thinking about sleeping with Bazz in the same bed. His former  _ client, _ how strange is that?  _ But you would have slept with Kenpachi, so you have no room to talk. _ “Or I can cook for you.”

“Takeout sounds great,” Bazz says, and Byakuya supposes… He’s here for the night. He gets a say in such things. “Pizza? There’s a fucking great place around here that delivers.”

“Pizza sounds good to me,” Sosuke murmurs, and Byakuya watches Bazz pull out his phone and dial to order. He hands Bazz his credit card without a word; it’s the least he can do.

While Bazz is occupied, Sosuke looks at him from under the soft fan of his lashes and Byakuya opens his arms to him, folding Sosuke up into a gentle embrace and resting his chin on his shoulder. Holding him close, breathing him in, reveling in the warmth and familiarity of Sosuke’s body in his own arms.  _ I can fix this, _ he thinks.  _ For this, for eternity, I can do anything I have to do in order to fix this. _

The idea of losing Sosuke forever is not acceptable. He  _ has _ to try.

_ I don’t even think someone like you can really change. You’re a stubborn bastard and you’ll always be this way, and it makes everyone around you fucking miserable. _

He tilts his head, presses a gentle kiss against the side of Sosuke’s neck. “I love you. And I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you know I mean it.”

Sosuke makes a soft, small noise against his shoulder. “I love you, too.”

Those words are the inspiration he needs to remind himself that no matter what it takes, Sosuke will always be worth the effort. Believing otherwise makes him just as much of a bastard as everyone thinks he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> could i have written the fight between renji and byakuya? yes. did i want to? no.


	33. a night out to relax and wind down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** none

Tesla has a nice house. Though Ulquiorra has never been here before, and it is a hell of a lot harder to tell if someone has a nice house when there are at least two dozen cars parked around the property and people seemingly everywhere, he can tell the place is well taken care of. The lawn has nice, freshly cut grass and there are even flowers poking out of the hedges around the edges of the property. Tesla must care a lot about this place.

He worries his lower lip as his thoughts drift to Sosuke once more, but an arm slinging around his shoulders, a reassuring and heavy weight, has him smiling softly as he looks up at his fiance. Grimmjow gives him a reassuring smile as he leads them toward the doorway, using his height and bulk to navigate through the crowd far easier than Ulquiorra would be able to do on his own. After all, despite his best efforts, he knows he will always be on the smaller and shorter side, and that is fine with him as long as he has Grimmjow.

Nel is not that far past the doorway, perched on the edge of the couch with a red cup in one hand. “Hey, hey, it’s my favorite couple. How are you doing this evening, my loves?”

“You already drunk?” Grimmjow asks her, laughing when Nel raises her middle finger at him, her expression clearly less than impressed. “Can’t blame a man for asking when you’re talking like that. And we’re doing great. How’s my favorite girl doing?”

“Fine. I already found our hosts and let ‘em know I was here. Oh my God.” Nel reaches for him, almost tumbling off of the couch arm in the process; Grimmjow steps quickly under her hand to keep her upright. “Nnoitra looks pretty? And I’m mad about it.  _ I’m _ the one who should be pretty but I think they might have outshined me this evening.”

Ulquiorra presses his hand to her forehead, her skin flushed. “She’s warm. Nel, you look very lovely this evening. Would I be wrong in assuming you came here to advertise?”

“You are correct!” Nel leans forward to set her cup on the coffee table, though sitting back up seems to take quite a bit of effort on her part. “Hal and I broke up. I mean, it kinda sucks and I cried about it for a while, but it was the right thing to do.”

Grimmjow takes her hand and squeezes it. “Sorry, Nel. But as long as you’re happy, that’s what matters. And you do look hot tonight, so you’ll probably score with somebody.”

“Though you should stop drinking or you won’t be able to consent,” Ulquiorra adds softly. The last thing any of them will want is Nel being taken advantage of tonight.

Nel gives him a double thumbs up. “You’re right. I’ll go get some water. And thanks, Grimm, I thought the shirt was too low-cut but I totally wanted to wear it anyway.”

Ulquiorra does not know Nel very well, has seen her perform onstage and has spoken to her once or twice outside of that, but her manner of dress catches his eye just the same. Her shorts cling to her heavy thighs, spilling down into the skintight cling of her leggings, and the pale pink V-neck dips low to show off her considerable cleavage. She looks gorgeous and Ulquiorra hopes she found what she came for tonight so she doesn’t have to go home alone. He doesn’t know what she’s thinking, but he hopes she does figure it out.

Once Nel disappears into the kitchen, Grimmjow takes him by the hand and leads him deeper into the house, navigating the space for him. They find Tesla and Nnoitra in what appears to be the den, and Ulquiorra openly stares when he sees how Nnoitra is dressed— Rather, he responds to the combination of a very short skirt and a pair of tall black boots hitting them just above the knee, leaving nothing but the very pale flesh of their slender thighs visible. It’s a pretty contrast, certainly eye-catching.

“So that’s Nnoitra?” Ulquiorra blinks a handful of times. “They’re so tall.”

Chuckling softly, Grimmjow steers him toward the couple. “Yeah, they are. Seven feet tall, that’s what Tesla told me. You should feel even shorter than usual, huh?”

“Shut up.” Ulquiorra pinches the tender flesh on the inside of his arm, and he yelps.

The sound has Tesla’s head swiveling in their direction, lips spreading in a wide smile as he waves them over. “Hey, you made it! Nnoitra, you remember Grimmjow, don’t you?”

Nnoitra sneers but nods, combing their long and slender fingers through Tesla’s hair. “Yeah, I remember. Nice to see you made it. This another of your boyfriends?”

“Fiance,” Ulquiorra corrects smoothly, holding his hand out for Nnoitra to no doubt take. “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a few things about you. Grimmjow was correct when he informed me that you were absolutely stunning in person.”

The hand that was firmly clasped in Ulquiorra’s just a second ago abruptly snatches back, Nnoitra’s red face disappearing into the soft fluff of Tesla’s hair. “Oh my  _ fucking _ God.”

His smooth words do not mean nothing; Nnoitra is  _ beautiful _ and he instantly wonders if he can get them to sit down and let him draw them, capture the sharp lines of their face on paper with charcoal and markers and anything else he can think of. There’s something about the direct contrast with Tesla that catches his eye, too. Tesla is shorter, lean but muscular, broad shoulders and strong forearms that flex when he takes Ulquiorra by the hand to greet him properly. He’s warm, too, golden hair and his visible eye a deep soft brown, skin obviously kissed by the sun.

Nnoitra is pale and dark-haired and lovely, and their broad shoulders taper down into a delicate little waist and long legs, long arms with slim wrists and long fingers. They’re so pretty it kind of hurts to look at them, and Ulquiorra wants to draw them both together.

“Nice to see you again, Ulquiorra,” Tesla says. “Sorry if this seems a bit out of the ordinary, but I think it’s the first time I’ve been happy in quite some time.”

The words make Ulquiorra sadder than they have any right to. “Rough love life, huh?”

“Something like that,” Tesla agrees. “Grimmjow, I wanted to drag you downstairs to show you the home gym I’ve finally gotten set up in the basement. I wanted your point of view on it. Nnoitra, my darling, do you want to come downstairs with us?”

Nnoitra snorts hard, dropping down on the couch, folding one leg over the other. “Hell no. Ulquiorra, keep me company while these idiots go look at machinery.”

Tesla leads Grimmjow away and Ulquiorra sits down on the couch, startled when Nnoitra shoves a cold beer into his hand. “Oh, thank you. When did you go get—”

“I have a cooler of them hidden under the coffee table so we’d have something to drink in case shit got wild and we ran out otherwise.” Nnoitra sips from their own bottle, their expression clearly daring Ulquiorra to say something about it. “Sorry for keeping you away from your man but I ain’t a big fan of just sitting here alone. I think Tesla’s friends are pretty fucking freaked out by me and I don’t like being the center of that attention.”

Ulquiorra nods slowly; he can’t imagine it could be easy for them, though he wonders if they’re referring to their own height or their gender identity. Hard to know either way. “I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel that way. I’ll give you as much company as I can.”

“It’s fine. It’s whatever. You get used to it.” Nnoitra waves at the people around them. “Can you blame them? Thought it’d be risky going for the skirt and I guess I was right.”

“You’re non-binary, right?” When Nnoitra nods, Ulquiorra takes a sip of his beer. He wonders what questions are safe to ask and what questions aren’t, and what he might rightfully get smacked in the face for saying. “Do you always wear skirts and stuff? I think it looks really nice on you because you have really long legs to go with it.”

The soft snort he receives in answer makes him frown, but Nnoitra just looks down at the skirt, picks at where it lies on their thighs. “I’d  _ like _ to. I dunno, I like being… Pretty, I guess. I don’t think too hard about the gender thing, I just know I’m not a guy or a chick. I just know I like looking pretty. Just that’s kinda hard with a face like mine.”

Ulquiorra studies the sharp lines of their profile. “Do you think so? I think you’re beautiful. I don’t mean that as a generic compliment. I guess I mean it artistically.”

Nnoitra hums. “That’s right. You’re an artist. I guess you do see things differently.”

“I’m cis, so admittedly I don’t really understand the struggles you’re going through in terms of how to dress and present. But if you think you’re not pretty, well… You are.” Ulquiorra turns toward them, eyeing the long spill of their black hair, the way it contrasts so naturally with their fair skin. “But yeah, I think you’re pretty. In fact, I was going to ask if I could draw you and Tesla together. I won’t do it if you tell me you don’t like it.”

The way Nnoitra looks at him makes him feel distinctly uncomfortable. “If you’re fucking with me, dude, I’m going to kick your ass. Don’t let the skirt fool you. I  _ can _ kick ass.”

“Believe me when I say I don’t doubt that.” Nnoitra doesn’t seem like the type to let people walk all over them. “I mean it, though. I can show you some examples on my phone if you want. I only ever ask to draw people if I mean to do it seriously.”

“Let me see, then.” Nnoitra sets their drink aside. “I’ve heard about your art.”

Has he? That means Grimmjow has talked to Tesla about it, and the thought makes Ulquiorra warm as he opens up his Instagram account where he posts all of his finished art. Save for the naked pieces he does of his partners, of course. That’s only for them.

He shows Nnoitra the account and the two of them go through nearly every single piece of art together, Nnoitra pointing to some of them and asking specific questions. Their interest piques Ulquiorra’s own and he wonders if they might be interested in art or perhaps if it was something they studied, or might be studying. Are they a student? In their twenties, it would make sense, but for now Ulquiorra stays quiet on his questions and just answers theirs instead. It seems to get them out of their shell, at least.

“Do you like art?” he finally asks, watching Nnoitra as they study one of his portraits of Grimmjow. “I’ve never had anyone other than an artist ask so many questions.”

Nnoitra shakes their head. “No, I’m a singer. But I studied art when I was in university. I dropped out before I could get a degree and Tesla  _ wants _ me to go back, but like… No.”

“Not interested in getting a degree? It takes a lot of work.” Ulquiorra would know, and he’s lucky he was willing to do graphic design. A lot of artists don’t want to do the work that could get them decent amounts of money and their degrees don’t get them anywhere.

“Something like that. I mean I  _ wanted _ that degree just to say I had it ‘cause I already had a job so it wasn’t like I was gunning for it, but…” Nnoitra trails off and shakes their head, and Ulquiorra frowns softly at their expression as they pick their beer back up. “Not to be fucking oversharing but it was just the depression. I didn’t  _ want _ to do the college thing.”

That makes a hell of a lot more sense. “I was the same way. I almost dropped out.”

“Yeah. It’s a bitch, I guess, I’m just not looking forward to doing that again. Don’t think I’m ready for it. Don’t think I care, either.” Nnoitra shrugs, and Ulquiorra nods slowly to show he’s listening. “Anyway, art. What kind of mediums do you typically use?”

By the time Grimmjow and Tesla return, Ulquiorra has laid out basically his entire set-up and gone through the different pieces he has posted for each medium. He’s also two beers in and feeling pretty good, and Nnoitra seems more relaxed than they were at the very beginning of the conversation. They don’t even swear that much when Tesla abruptly picks them up around the waist like they weigh nothing, taking their seat and setting them in his lap. It makes them even more absurdly taller than him. He has to basically press his cheek against their ribcage, their arm draped carefully around his head.

“Aren’t they wonderful?” Tesla asks, and God, he sounds gone. “I’m in love with them.”

Nnoitra rolls their eye, pinching Tesla’s cheek. “You’re literally the worst. Did you get your weird little man cave approved? I’m not helping you move that shit around.”

“It’s perfect,” Grimmjow says, taking a seat behind Ulquiorra, wrapping his body around Ulquiorra from behind and kissing the back of his neck. “You two having fun?”

“They agreed to let me draw them and Tesla,” Ulquiorra explains, and Grimmjow hums.

Tesla perks up. “Oh yeah? They don’t even like me taking pictures of them most of the time. When do you want to do that? Do we need to like, come to your place?”

“You can,” Ulquiorra says, “or we can do it elsewhere. My art supplies are mostly portable except for the larger canvases, but even then I can make it work. So it’s really up to the two of you and what makes Nnoitra the most comfortable and how they want to dress.”

The comment has Nnoitra cocking their head. “Yeah? You gonna draw me in a skirt, then?”

“I’ll draw you in anything you want to wear,” Ulquiorra confirms. “Skirt, dress, anything.”

The word  _ dress _ makes Nnoitra twitch and Ulquiorra imagines that must be what they want to wear, what they haven’t been able to justify wearing to themself just yet. He hopes they do one day. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable within their own skin and that doesn’t magically change just because he doesn’t know them very well yet.

“A dress.” Tesla says this with a dreamy quality, yelping when Nnoitra gives his shoulder a smack. “What? You look beautiful in everything, but you’d look so stunning in a dress.”

“My God,” Grimmjow says in Ulquiorra’s ear. “He’s so pitiful and he’s not self-aware at all.”

Nnoitra sticks his tongue out at Grimmjow, and it’s very. Noticeably long, Ulquiorra thinks. Very long, for that matter. “Shut up. It’s cute. You’re the obnoxious one. He’s just dumb.”

“ _ You _ are the obnoxious one,” Grimmjow says, and Nnoitra scowls at him.

The two of them bicker back and forth but Ulquiorra only smiles fondly as he leans back into Grimmjow’s arms, not missing the adoring expression on Tesla’s face as he wraps his arms around Nnoitra’s waist and presses up against them. He remembers Grimmjow telling him the story of how the two of them met and he wonders how hard that must have been for Nnoitra, how much confidence it must have taken them. After all, how many men in a gay bar would have fucked off or made sideways comments if they were vocal about their identity? They don’t strike Ulquiorra as someone who  _ wouldn’t _ be.

Their confidence is amazing, and he thinks he likes them as a result.

Grimmjow’s phone pings impatiently and he sighs, leaning back to look at the screen. “Okay, I gotta go take this. Looks like it’s Sosuke. I’ll let you know what happened, okay?”

“If it’s bad especially,” Ulquiorra says, and Grimmjow kisses him on the nose.

The minute Grimmjow is seemingly out of earshot, Nnoitra punches him in the shoulder. Those skinny fingers mean the knuckles dig right in and it  _ hurts. _ “What’s going on?”

“One of our partners went to talk to his husband about our trip to Germany later this summer and we’re just hoping that went well for him.”  _ Well _ is an understatement, of course, especially given the way Byakuya has been acting recently. “Polyamory can be difficult to manage but we think we’re doing a pretty good job at it.”

Tesla nods slowly, rubbing a hand over Nnoitra’s stomach with a careful, gentle touch. “I admire you for being able to pull it off. I know I couldn’t. I can’t imagine splitting my attention between two partners, much less three. Nnoitra takes up all my attention.”

“If you keep saying all these sappy romantic shit every time you open your mouth, you’re gonna run out of content for your stupid wedding vows.” Nnoitra rolls their eye and Ulquiorra notes the moment Tesla’s eyes widen with realization, the way he all but blushes as he looks up at Nnoitra even more sickeningly adoringly than before. “I couldn’t do that shit but I’m jealous as hell and I know how bad I’d be about it.”

Ulquiorra nods slowly. He knows a thing or two about the jealousy, the insecurity. “Yeah. It’s not for everyone certainly, and I wouldn’t recommend it if you already know you aren’t suited for it. It just works for us. But the two of you seem happy just the way you are, so I imagine you’re not really shopping around for more partners anyway.”

“Imagine finding someone else as good as me,” Nnoitra says, and Tesla nods in agreement. “Really, imagine finding someone as soft as this idiot. No one else could ever measure up.”

Tesla makes a small sound and pulls Nnoitra back against his chest. “Since when do  _ you _ say nice things? I’m starting to think you’re showing off because we have company.”

“I like making other people jealous,” Nnoitra quips, and Tesla frowns cutely up at them.

When Grimmjow returns, he doesn’t look upset or worried, so Ulquiorra feels some sense of peace from that. “Good news. Things are going well. Maybe bad news? Byakuya’s going to come with us. So’s Rukia. I’m not entirely sure on the details. The music outside is so loud.”

“Having no neighbors around means I can do that.” Tesla shifts Nnoitra around in his lap, ignoring the fact that Nnoitra smacks at his shoulder to get him to stop. “Byakuya is Sosuke’s husband, isn’t he? Are things going better between the two of them now?”

“I guess so.” Grimmjow sits back down and Ulquiorra resumes leaning against him because he really does make the absolute best pillow of all time. “I think Sosuke said something about them doing counseling? So I guess Byakuya wants to fix things between them.”

“That’s good. I’d rather them get a chance at fixing things together,” Ulquiorra says.

Nnoitra wrinkles their nose at the words, carefully stretching their long legs and almost kicking the coffee table in the process. There’s just so  _ much _ of them, even curled up in Tesla’s lap. “Sounds complicated as fuck. Good luck not having to deal with that shit.”

“Thank you, Nnoitra.” Though the sentiment is rough, Ulquiorra appreciates the meaning behind it. He hopes they don’t end up in a similar situation either.

They only stay on the couch together for a few more minutes before Tesla coaxes Nnoitra off of his lap and leads them outside to where people are dancing in the grass. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra follow because of course Grimmjow wants to dance, and it isn’t like Ulquiorra has an excuse for not doing it. He might as well considering they came to a party, and part of him wants to see how Nnoitra and Tesla manage around the height difference anyway.

Maybe he ends up a touch distracted watching them dance together. It isn’t his fault; Nnoitra’s long limbs aren’t gangly and awkward but smooth and graceful and he wonders suddenly how they move onstage. Tesla seems more like a set piece than anything else, his hands around their waist, guiding them from one place to another but without much force. It seems more like he leads for only a breath before Nnoitra sweeps him away somewhere else, always counter to wherever he wanted to go. That contrast in full force.

He and Grimmjow both gasp when Nnoitra  _ leaps _ at him but Tesla catches them around the waist with relative ease, lifting them up and over his head while they laugh and try hard not to squirm. And Tesla sets them on their feet with just as much ease.

“I didn’t realize he’d been working his arms so much for that purpose, but hey, whatever makes him happy.” Grimmjow wraps an arm around Ulquiorra’s waist from behind, nips his earlobe. “Let’s show them up because we can. Remember those dance lessons I gave you?”

“I remember  _ enough _ of them,” Ulquiorra says, and Grimmjow laughs against his ear.

He used to loathe dancing when they first met, but then he didn’t like much of anything and still isn’t sure to this day why he was in a  _ bar _ of all places when Grimmjow walked up to him. Fate, perhaps, intervening in his life to steer him along the correct path. At any rate, things are different now. Grimmjow moves him across the grass and Ulquiorra goes happily with him, letting Grimmjow lead because he’s the better dancer between the two of them. His body control is flawless, showing off every toned portion of him and reminding Ulquiorra of just how much work has gone into the body he loves so much.

It’s completely unfair and perhaps illegal, the way Grimmjow grinds against him, the way he rolls his hips just to show off. Ulquiorra curses him softly beneath his breath and chastises himself for being stupid enough to wear jeans so tight across the front.

Nnoitra turns out to be a drunk who gets steadily more affectionate the more they drink. By the time the four of them are too tired to dance anymore, Nnoitra has been drinking more and crawls into Tesla’s lap, wrapping their arms around his shoulders and mouthing at the side of his neck. The expression on his face is lovingly fond, his hand stroking up and down their back as if encouraging them to stay as close as they want to.

When they lean back to kiss him properly, Ulquiorra watches. Shamelessly. Tesla kisses them smoothly and slowly, not letting Nnoitra dictate the pace, a sharp shift to the way things have been between them basically all night. Nnoitra all but folds themself into him and Tesla lets them, combing his fingers through all that long black hair before wrapping it around his hands. There’s just so  _ much _ of it that he isn’t even holding most of it.

Grimmjow bites down on the side of his neck. “They’re cute together, aren’t they?”

“They really are. I’m happy for them. Happy couples are good.” Ulquiorra is vaguely aware of the fact he’s slurring his words and wonders when he lost track of how many beers he’d had. “Do you think other people look at us and think that, too? That we’re cute together?”

“Yeah. I think they do.” Grimmjow tips his chin up and kisses him, and Ulquiorra leans into it with a happy sigh, cupping a hand around the back of Grimmjow’s neck and urging him closer. He tastes so good, and his mouth is warm and his tongue is hot and wet.

The chairs in the backyard aren’t as comfortable as the couch so Ulquiorra climbs into Grimmjow’s lap, pressing their mouths back together, urging him closer. It feels nice, letting Grimmjow hold him, having a chance to kiss him like this, just feeling less guarded than usual. Maybe he needs to unwind a weekend or two out of the month more often.

“You’re so cute when you’re drunk,” Grimmjow tells him, laughing when Ulquiorra scowls at him. “What? You are. You’re so touchy. You should be like this more often.”

“Do you think…” Ulquiorra has to stop for a moment, wavering on Grimmjow’s lap, a second away from falling over before he manages to catch his balance once more. “Do you think Byakuya’s gonna be nice? To us? If he comes to Germany with us.”

Grimmjow’s face softens. “Yeah, Quiorra. He’s gonna be good to us. If he’s really trying to fix things with Sosuke, then he’s going to be on his best behavior. You worried about it?”

“No.” Ulquiorra shakes his head. It’s difficult to really put his finger on what he especially wants to convey to Grimmjow about this, but the moment he opens his mouth, the words just come out of him as if they were always meant to. “I liked him. I was happy to be with him. I just don’t… I don’t wanna fight with him the whole time. He used to be nice.”

“Yeah. I know. I remember that.” Grimmjow kisses him on the nose, and Ulquiorra wiggles it, trying to get rid of the ticklish feeling left behind. “I think he wants to be nice again.”

Ulquiorra wonders if that’s possible, or if Byakuya is just… Meant to be mean to them. If the counseling is going to help. If he’s going to make Sosuke cry again. “Okay.”

They sit comfortably in the dark with the music serving as a backdrop, and once or twice Ulquiorra sees Nel wander in and out of sight, furrowing his brows at the sight of  _ someone _ else with her. Someone with orange hair whose face he can never quite catch, though they have an arm around Nel’s waist every time he sees them. When he turns to tell Grimmjow where they are, he gets lost in Grimmjow’s eyes instead, soft and pretty and blue.

“I love you.” He kisses Grimmjow on the cheek, forgetting entirely what he just meant to tell him in lieu of showing his fiance affection. Grimmjow is more important anyway.

Grimmjow laughs softly, and his fingers feel incredible when they comb through Ulquiorra’s hair. “I love you, too, baby. And I think you’re really starting to feel it, so let’s go home.”

Tesla appears to be gently pulling Nnoitra’s hands away from his shirt, hushing them when they whine at him. “You two heading out? I’m about to take this one upstairs to sleep now that they’re getting handsy. Don’t want them stumbling around and feeling anyone else up.”

Nnoitra wrinkles their nose, looking  _ impressively _ pouty for someone which such a sharp, hard face. “I’m not gonna feel anyone else up. I just wanna feel  _ you _ up,” they slur.

“Not when you’re drunk. You know how I feel about that.” Tesla kisses the palm of their hand and Nnoitra quiets somewhat. “Upstairs to bed? Grimm, do you need me to walk you out, or do you know which way the door is? For that matter, can you even drive?”

“I only drank like two beers, I’m good.” Grimmjow stands, holding Ulquiorra’s legs around his waist like he weighs  _ nothing _ while Ulquiorra scrambles madly for his shoulders so he can have some kind of balance. What the  _ fuck? _ “Have fun taking your babe up to bed.”

Tesla nudges Nnoitra off of his lap and stands, and then just  _ throws _ them over his shoulder, ignoring the way they curse at him and slap at his back. “It’s just easier to do it like this,” he says, and Ulquiorra giggles at the sight of them together, the way Tesla has to pin Nnoitra’s thighs down with his arm to keep them still. “Have a good night, and thanks for coming by. It meant a lot. We’ll hook up for the drawing stuff before Germany.”

Ulquiorra nods at him, making a thumb-and-finger circle at him to show he understood.

Grimmjow is ridiculously and stupidly strong, and Ulquiorra perhaps swoons just a little at the fact he carries Ulquiorra so easily through the house and around the drunk people already there to get to their car. It’s parked right next to one that looks oddly familiar, and Ulquiorra cocks his head at it, trying to place the driver before he just gives up and closes his eyes, lying his head against Grimmjow’s shoulder. Oh, he’s so sleepy.

“It’s a good thing you sleep on your side and let me spoon you,” Grimmjow says, and Ulquiorra makes a noise at him for disturbing the quiet. “Wouldn’t want you to choke to death on your own vomit. You have to drink water when I get you home.”

“And eat bread,” Ulquiorra says placidly in return, and Grimmjow laughs softly.

“Yeah,” he says, opening the car door and setting Ulquiorra gently in the passenger seat. “I’ll get burgers on the way home, actually. You can go for a burger right now, right?”

A burger sounds incredible. “Yes. Please get us burgers. I want everything on mine.”

Grimmjow takes good care of him, and Ulquiorra has to give him credit for that. He gets them burgers and fries and is smart enough to order an extra pack of fries because, of course, as soon as Grimmjow sets the bag on his lap, Ulquiorra paws through it for something to snack on on the way home. He also helps Ulquiorra walk inside without any complaint, taking the drinks from him so he can’t drop them while Ulquiorra holds the food against his chest like a sacred treasure. Next door, Orihime’s windows are dark.

“We should have called her and asked her if she wanted burgers,” he says solemnly.

Grimmjow just looks at him. “What are you talking about? Orihime’s in bed. She’s not gonna want burgers. Ichigo might have, but waking them up would have been rude.”

“Oh. That’s a good point.” Ulquiorra smiles up at him. “You’re smart. Let’s go inside and eat.”

He almost trips over his own feet on the way to the kitchen, which gets the food taken away from him and earns him Grimmjow’s arm around his waist to keep him on his feet. When they reach the kitchen, Ulquiorra kisses him as thanks and gets lost in that for a few minutes before Grimmjow sits him down at the table and tells him to eat.

The burgers and fries are hot and greasy and perfect, and Ulquiorra wolfs down his food and finishes his drink before Grimmjow shoves a glass of water in front of him with the order to drink. When he finishes the water, Grimmjow carries him up to bed and helps him undress, which is more exciting than it has any right to be. Then Grimmjow helps him into his pajamas and into bed, curling up against his back, and Ulquiorra sighs happily as he pulls Grimmjow’s arm tighter around his waist, cuddling into him.

“I love you,” he says, petting down Grimmjow’s forearm, his fingers tracing over the engagement ring on his finger. “You’re gonna be my husband one day.”

“Yes. That’s the plan.” Grimmjow nuzzles the back of his neck and Ulquiorra giggles at the way it feels, the softness of his lips. “One day soon, even. You excited for that?”

Ulquiorra nods, bringing Grimmjow’s hand up to his mouth and kissing it gently, squeezing his fingers. “Yeah. Wedding in Germany. I’m so excited for it. But also I’m really tired.”

Grimmjow chuckles. “Go to sleep, baby. You’ll need it. The premiere is this week.”

That is true. Ulquiorra yawns and closes his eyes, and he can feel Grimmjow humming softly against the back of his neck, the gentle vibrations soothing down his spine and letting him relax further into the mattress. They had a good time at the party, they had good dinner, and he gets to fall asleep in bed with someone he loves more than anything else in the whole world. Hopefully, everything goes fine with Byakuya as well. He wants everyone to be happy and healthy and not have to worry about regretting their relationships.

They all deserve their happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drink responsibly kids! and guess nel's mystery partner.
> 
> ulquiorra: nnoitra is so beautiful  
> grimmjow: aww, you're beautiful too, baby  
> ulquiorra: i'm not jealous, grimmjow, i'm gay


	34. authenticity is the only lifestyle worth having

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** none

Seeing Kuchiki Byakuya again is not something Grimmjow is necessarily looking forward to.

The premiere is scheduled to take place outdoors due to the seasonably warm weather, and Grimmjow is relieved the air is not too humid when he hands the keys to their car over to the valet and slips his hand into Ulquiorra’s to walk through security with him. They had spent longer than strictly necessary getting ready for tonight because they wanted to look their best to stand in solidarity with Starrk, and buying the suits for the premiere made Grimmjow realize they would need to pack them for the wedding. No use in wasting perfectly good clothing they could reuse for the most important day of their lives.

Everyone milling around looks especially handsome or beautiful, everyone dolled up to the max for tonight. He recognizes some of the actors and actresses and tries to ignore the flutter of excitement in his gut, reminding himself that they are VIPs and have every right to be here, too. It feels too strange, walking through this throng of people who make more money than Grimmjow can even conceptualize on one of his best days.

None of them look as good as Ulquiorra does though, the black suit especially eye-catching on him, the pocket square the same deep viridian as his eyes. His hair is tied back into a braid for the evening, an intricate thing that Orihime did for him before tying it off with a ribbon that matches the square. Grimmjow himself is in white and he thinks it looks good against the much warmer peach hue of his skin. He feels as good as he looks.

“Grimmjow! Ulquiorra!” The familiar voice has Grimmjow craning his neck to see a familiar face milling around in a group of celebrities, and it would be impossible to mistake Bazz’s magenta hair for anyone else’s. “You should have told me you were on the way.”

“We wanted it to be a surprise.” Ulquiorra adjusts the cuffs of his jacket and straightens up, lifting his chin as the two of them walk up to him. “How good do we look?”

“So handsome. I’m so lucky.” Bazz kisses each of them on the cheek while Grimmjow looks him up and down, whistling at the dark blue velvet of his suit, the bright white of his shirt underneath. “What can I say, Grimm? I’m a man who loves color. You seen Szayel yet?”

Grimmjow shakes his head. “No, not yet. I take it he probably wore something colorful?”

“Just wait until you see him. I think he’s gonna steal the show from everyone tonight and we will all have deserved it.” Bazz checks his phone. “Sosuke’s going to be here soon. Oh, hey, let me introduce you around a little bit. I actually know some of these people.”

Soon. Grimmjow nods and puts on his best smile for the people whose names he already knows because hey, he watches a  _ lot _ of movies and TV. And the fact he can do anything but throw up from nerves should be applauded. “Charmed to meet all of you.”

“This is Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, the man whose sole talent kept Starrk looking as good as he does for this movie,” Bazz says, slinging his arm around Grimmjow’s neck. “And also my boyfriend. And this is Ulquiorra Cifer, the artistic genius who designed the logo for my drumsticks and some of the slickest design work I’ve ever seen. And also my boyfriend.”

Kibune Makoto, literally  _ the _ sex symbol of pretty men in glasses, smiles warmly at both of them. “It’s nice to meet the two of you. Bazz has just been telling us about you two.”

“How do you know so many actors? You get invited to these things often?” Ulquiorra asks Bazz, raising an eyebrow up at him while Bazz just plays with his braid.

Bazz nods. “Yeah. We’ve done themes for a lot of shows and movies and stuff because we’re popular and local, so we’re easy to get a hold of. So we get invited to these all the time. Even if Grimm hadn’t asked Starrk to invite me, I could’ve wrangled one.”

“You know,” Amagai Shusuke says, raising his glass, “I have to commend you. Starrk looked better than he has in years. Your training regime must be something else. Maybe one of these days, I can book you for some one-on-one training. If you offer that.”

Grimmjow thinks he’s going to just pass out on the fucking floor. “Well, I’m getting ready to go abroad for a while, but if you get in contact with Zommari’s Gym, you can definitely book me for when I come back. I wouldn’t even consider saying no to it.”

Hitsugaya Toshiro, the hottest up-and-coming young actor of probably the century, raises an eyebrow. “Wait, are you open for clients after this trip? Because I’d be interested. My last trainer retired not long ago, and my company wants me to stay in top shape.”

“You guys, he’s totally not even thought about becoming a personal trainer for the stars yet. You’re gonna kill him.” Bazz rubs a sympathetic hand up and down Grimmjow’s back, shoving a glass of champagne into his hand from a nearby table. “Here. Drink. You guys wanna work with him, get in touch with his boss. He’s gonna pass out.”

Grimmjow sips the champagne to ground himself. “I am not. Give me  _ some _ credit.”

“If you’re interested, then I’m definitely putting my name into the pool, too,” Kibune says. “I’m getting modeling offers left and right after the last movie. I could use the help.”

Bazz clicks his tongue. “But only after he comes to Germany with  _ me _ , so you all wait your turn. Hey, has anyone seen Nemu? I owe her like, a thousand dollars because the last time we talked, she bet me I wouldn’t stay in the band for another three years, and that was like a year ago, so she won and I need to pay up like a real man before I leave.”

Hitsugaya rolls his eyes. “Of course you two turned it into a bet. Why am I not surprised?”

“Nemu?  _ The _ Nemu?” Ulquiorra demands, and Grimmjow hides a smile behind his glass as he takes another sip. Yeah, Ulquiorra might not care much about music and bands, but he  _ loves _ indie music and Nemu, no last name, is the current darling of the indie scene. Her soothing voice is something else. Even Grimmjow loves it. “If she’s here, I so want to meet her.”

“She’s over there talking with Di Roy,” Amagai says, cocking his thumb over at a small gathering of people not far from where they are. “Go say hi. She’s so sweet.”

Bazz rounds Grimmjow, taking Ulquiorra by the upper arm and hauling him in that direction. “C’mon, Quiorra, it’s time for you to come meet one of your idols then.”

They’re no sooner gone than Grimmjow is suddenly kicked in the back of the knee, swearing as he stumbles forward, barely keeping a grip on his champagne flute. The others laugh as he turns to see a  _ very _ furious Lilynette standing behind him, her little hands balled up into fists. She looks darling, her pale blond hair styled into long bouncy ringlets around her face and in a pretty white dress with a hell of a lot of ruffles, but her shoes have pointed toes and  _ boy _ did it fucking hurt to get kicked by one of them.

“You should have come and seen me first!” she says, stamping her foot pointedly on the ground and scowling up at him. “I’m the one you actually know here.”

Grimmjow laughs and crouches down, giving her head a gentle pat. “Sorry, Lily. Where’s your dad at? I didn’t even know you were here, I thought you’d be fashionably late.”

“He has to be. I’m here with Szayel.” Lilynette looks over her shoulder and Grimmjow glances up in time to see the man in question hurrying toward them, a reprimanding expression already present on his face. “See, I found him! All you had to do was look for his hair. No one else has hair like Grimmjow’s here.”

Szayel sighs and hurries up to them as Grimmjow straightens up, giving Lilynette a stern look. “What did I tell you about kicking people? I’m sorry for that, Grimmjow.”

“It’s fine. She’s gonna be a hell of a football player one day.” Grimmjow looks Szayel up and down and okay, he’s  _ definitely _ impressed. Szayel is in a deep, dark green suit that looks oddly nice with his bright pink hair, and his hair is braided back from his face. Even his glasses are nicer than the ones Grimmjow is used to seeing him in. His sleeves are ruffled, too. It’s oddly… Cute? “You look amazing. You ready for your big night, then?”

“Yes.” Szayel rests his hands gently on Lilynette’s shoulders, and his voice sounds firm even though he looks visibly nervous. “We’ve waited so long. I’m ready for this.”

Lilynette beams up at him. “Me, too! Then we can all be one big happy family.”

Szayel’s smile is soft and warm as he combs his fingers through her hair. “Yes, we can be. You’ve been waiting a while for that, haven’t you? Now we can all go out together, too.”

“I’m happy for you, man. I really am.” Grimmjow drops a hand on his shoulder, and Szayel beams at him. He looks happy even through the nerves. “You deserve this. You always deserve to be happy, and I’m glad you’re finally getting what you deserve.”

“Thank you.” Szayel rests his hand on top of Grimmjow’s and squeezes it, then laughs softly. “We’ve come quite a long way from two questioning young men in university at a bad party who drank far too much alcohol. I’d say we’re doing well for ourselves.”

Grimmjow smirks at him. “Can’t argue with that. Your man gotta be fashionably late?”

“The whole cast is coming in together in about half an hour or so. They have to come as a unit to really make the effect hit.” Szayel rolls his eyes, then strokes Lilynette’s hair again. “Which means I get to have personal time with my future daughter, and I rather like that, actually. We don’t get to spend nearly enough time with each other presently.”

The words have Grimmjow cocking his head. “You’re gonna be adopting Lilynette for real?”

“Eventually? Yes. For now, though, she’s my daughter in spirit. Once Coyote makes everything official, I don’t have to dance around terms for her anymore.” Szayel beams at him, and Grimmjow nods slowly in understanding. And finds himself thinking about Rukia.

He glances toward the entryway and finds his breath catching in his chest when he sees Sosuke stepping through the security with Byakuya not far behind him, watching as Byakuya offers his arm and Sosuke takes it.  _ Fuck, _ he’s beautiful. He’s in white, too, his hair left long and loose down his back but with just enough body to wave softly. And the minute his eyes meet Grimmjow’s, he visibly brightens and tugs Byakuya in his direction.  _ Nice. _

“Baby,” Grimmjow greets him, leaning in to give him a soft kiss. “You look so handsome.”

Sosuke laughs softly, slipping an arm around Grimmjow’s waist. “I could say the same about you. You look so nice when you’re cleaned up. I’ve never seen you look so nice before.”

“I’ve never had to clean up for anything before. I’ve seen you in suits but I think this is your best look yet.” Grimmjow kisses him again because he can, just reveling in having Sosuke close and looking so good and just… He’s so  _ happy _ about this entire evening.

Byakuya clears his throat, and Grimmjow glances at him curiously. “I’ll have to get you two alone for a private apology in the future, but suffice to say that I am sorry for the way I’ve been acting toward the two of you. You’ve been taking excellent care of Sosuke.”

When Grimmjow first met Byakuya in person, he thought the man was handsome and he still thinks that now, but there are just barely visible dark circles under his eyes that imply he hasn’t been sleeping much lately. The phone call was light on details and Grimmjow does not blame Sosuke for that given how late it was and how little he could hear over the phone anyway, but he knows that Byakuya agreed to go to marriage counseling to prove that he was willing to change his ways and be a better husband to Sosuke.

“I’m willing to extend you the benefit of the doubt on this. You don’t deserve a second chance, but I’m giving you one.” Grimmjow takes his hand and squeezes it in greeting, and Byakuya blinks at him, looking surprised. “I’m not that damned spiteful at heart, Byakuya. And Sosuke obviously thinks you’re making the right choice so I want to support him.”

Byakuya’s face softens, and he squeezes Grimmjow’s hand back. “Thank you. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I want to make up for as many of them as humanly possible.”

“You do right by Sosuke, you’ll do right by me and Quiorra as a result.” Grimmjow just… He doesn’t want to fight anymore. He wants all of them to get the fuck  _ along _ if they can.

“And I will do right by him, and all of you.” Byakuya drops his hand and gives Sosuke his arm back, and Sosuke absolutely preens as he takes it. They look so happy together that it makes Grimmjow’s heart swell.  _ This is how it was always supposed to be, damn it. _

Bazz and Ulquiorra find them within minutes, which is not entirely surprising because Bazz has likely been keeping an eye out for Sosuke all evening. “So, my love, you look great.”

“Thank you. You do, as well.” Sosuke leans in to give Bazz a kiss, and Grimmjow just shakes his head at the two of them as he pulls Ulquiorra up against his side.

“Byakuya,” Ulquiorra says, and Byakuya nods in greeting, offering Ulquiorra his hand to shake. “It’s nice to see you again. So you’re going to be coming to Germany with us?”

Nodding, Byakuya attempts a small smile. “Yes. I’ve found a few counselors who are willing to work sessions through video calls with the time zone difference so that we can do everything necessary while there. It’s the absolute least I can do.”

“I’m glad you’ve realized your mistake and that you’re going to be working hard to do everything you can for Sosuke.” Ulquiorra offers him a smile in return, and Byakuya looks vaguely surprised by this. “I want all of us to be settled and happy and comfortable with one another. If you do the work to be a better husband for Sosuke, then I’m willing to forgive the things you’ve said about me that have been negative. Is that fair to you?”

“Absolutely.” This time, Byakuya’s smile is more natural. “Thank you, Ulquiorra.”

“I do want to make one thing perfectly clear, though. Just so there’s no confusion between any of us.” Ulquiorra clears his throat and meets Byakuya’s eyes dead-on. “We all love Sosuke. This isn’t a contest of who loves him the most. We won’t interfere with your marriage, but unless we’re treating him poorly, we’d ask that you don’t interfere with us.”

Byakuya nods immediately. “Of course not. It was never my right to do such a thing. At the very beginning, I was just worried he would get hurt again, but I have no reason to believe that now. I can see with my own two eyes how good you’ve been for him.”

Ulquiorra’s lips twitch slightly at the corners, but Grimmjow can see him fighting to stay as serious as possible for this. “We want you to improve your marriage. You mean a lot to Sosuke. It’s been hard on him, having so much trouble at home and I don’t really want to have to sit and see it continue. It’s not fair to him to have to suffer so much.”

“You’re right. And as his husband, it’s basically my job to help take care of him. Even when things are hard or I don’t necessarily understand. I’m supposed to be doing better.” Byakuya slips his arm from under Sosuke’s so he can wrap it around his waist instead, planting a kiss on the side of his neck. It makes Sosuke sigh softly and lean into him, and that makes Grimmjow’s heart throb. “And I’m going to work hard to prove it.”

Bazz sighs, rubs a hand up the back of his neck. “Well, I  _ guess _ you used to be decent.”

It may not be much, but for the five of them, this is at least a  _ start. _

They find themselves herded to a table reserved for them when the cast officially arrives, and Grimmjow whistles when he sees Starrk done up in a nice black tuxedo with a black fur jacket draped over his shoulders—  _ fuck, _ that must be hot in this weather— and looking sharper than he has in a while. Lilynette waves to him excitedly from her table and he waves back at her with a broad smile on his face just for her.

The director of the film gives a statement about the film, about the goal of the film, about how it occurred to him one night that there really could be a sequel, that the relationship between the leads deserved to be explored. Most of it Grimmjow tunes out in favor of looking around his table instead, watching everyone’s faces. Ulquiorra is serene as always, listening intently, while Bazz seems more preoccupied with his champagne and running his fingers up and down the velvet of his jacket. What a dork.

Sosuke and Byakuya are holding hands on top of the table, and Byakuya only lets go of his hand once to tuck a stray strand of chestnut hair back behind Sosuke’s ear. The two of them look at each other, and there is  _ something _ there Grimmjow doesn’t really have words for, but it makes him hope they can fix their issues and be happy with each other again.

After the director steps down, Starrk is allowed to come stand in front of the microphone, and everyone applauds at the sight of him. The moment the applause dies down enough for him to speak, he clears his throat and leans into the microphone.

“When I was first approached about this sequel, I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.  _ Los Lobos _ was a hell of an experience. It’s one I remember fondly. The film was a pain in the ass to make, and I think everyone remembers the day the heavens opened up and soaked the entire set before we could even react.” Starrk smiles when the director laughs  _ loudly, _ loud enough that Grimmjow has to cover his mouth to stop a snort. “It felt like a curse.”

He sweeps a hand through his hair, several tousled strands falling back into his eyes as he slowly seems to survey the crowd before his eyes return to the table where Lilynette sits right next to Szayel. “But it was through filming  _ Los Lobos _ that I met Yylfordt Granz, who damn well changed my life. And he already signed on to do  _ Del Toro, _ so I thought I could.”

The crowd around them seems intent on Starrk’s words and Grimmjow finds himself holding his breath as he waits to see what the man will say next. He’s been carefully dancing around the subject as best he can, but now he has to get into the meat of it.

_ Tell them the truth, man, you’re so close. Tell them why you agreed to do it. Tell them so you and Szayel can have the fairytale ending that you fucking deserve. _

“But it’s about more than that. When I read the script, you know, it really struck me how few films are out there that have LGBT characters or that portray any kind of struggle that LGBT people go through without it ending in despair.” Starrk lets the silence sink in for a moment with the gravity of his words, and Grimmjow gives him a thumbs up. Even if Starrk doesn’t notice, Grimmjow wants him to know he’s doing well. He’s saying the right things. “It sucks. What kind of hope is out there for people who need it?”

Starrk looks over the crowd again, and he smiles when his eyes meet Grimmjow’s. Then, he takes a deep breath and nods once. “I wanted to be a part of that. It’s important that everyone should know they deserve to be happy even if they spend most of their lives not certain about who they are or how they feel about their identity.”

“He’s so well-spoken,” Ulquiorra murmurs. “He must have practiced this for so long.”

Grimmjow shakes his head. “Nah. This is all coming straight from his heart.”

“Meeting Yylfordt was one of those once in a lifetime things, you know. People have called us acting soulmates. Certainly, we’re best friends now.” At that, Yylfordt literally  _ yells _ out to him and Starrk laughs while the rest of the room erupts into applause. “But more importantly, Yylfordt introduced me to the current love of my life.”

The whispers start immediately and Grimmjow reaches for Ulquiorra’s hand, gripping it tightly as he waits for the words. Starrk is going to do it. Grimmjow can  _ feel _ it.

He clears his throat and silence falls once more. “This film means a lot to me for several reasons. I want to give a film like this to the LGBT youth especially who are going to grow up with so many questions. They deserve something soft in this world to fall back on. And I want to give it back to the LGBT people who have supported me for all these years.”

“Like you,” Ulquiorra murmurs, and Grimmjow kicks the leg of his chair pointedly.

“And I want to give this film to the person I love. To the  _ man _ I love.” Starrk holds a hand out toward Szayel’s table. “Come up here. We’ve hidden long enough. We aren’t hiding now.”

There is something almost fantastical about the way Szayel stands up from his chair in one smooth and graceful motion, though Grimmjow can see the slight quiver and jerk in his shoulders that proves how much this is all affecting him. He hurries up to the podium to take Starrk’s hand in his, letting Starrk draw him up to the microphone. And he really does look so sharp and handsome, so put-together beside Starrk’s more rugged appearance.

“Hey, baby.” Starrk smiles and Szayel laughs, free hand covering his mouth as he looks up at him. They look so perfect together. “Meeting you was the best day of my life and I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to say it. I’m coming out today as a gay man, and I’m in love with you, Szayelaporro Granz. There’s no one else in this world for me but you, and I want to live our lives together with everyone knowing just how much you mean to me.”

Szayel probably doesn’t intend for his words to go over the microphone. “You’re such an overdramatic idiot. Of course you know I want to be with you.”

Starrk catches Szayel by the chin and kisses him, and the entire area goes up in cheers.

“That was very romantic of him,” Sosuke muses, and Grimmjow looks over at him, feeling warm all the way through at the soft, dreamy smile on his face as he stares up at the stage where Starrk and Szayel are  _ still _ connected at the lips. Camera flashes are going off everywhere; it’s going to be all over the internet in seconds. “Grand gestures… I know it’s such a cliche but I’ve always found them to be very stirring.”

Bazz laughs and shakes his head, leaning in to press a kiss against the side of Sosuke’s head. “Nothing wrong with liking big gestures. They can be real sweet.”

“I want to say one more thing,” Starrk breathes into the microphone, hand moving to push the tousled strands of his hair back as he leans over the podium. Without hesitation, he points straight at Grimmjow. “I want to thank you, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, for being patient with me, for helping me, and for encouraging me to take the necessary steps to come out tonight and live a happy, more genuine life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing everything you have for me, and for keeping me looking hot, too.”

Grimmjow’s face flames at the words but he grins and yells out to him like Yylfordt did, and the people closest to them start laughing along. It feels good.

They settle in to eat, and  _ Del Toro  _ ends up being a far better film than Grimmjow expects it to be given the fact the first one set him off so bad. He finds himself glancing at Starrk and Szayel more than once, the two of them holding hands or making excuses to touch one another, sharing small affectionate pecks when they can. It feels so damn  _ good _ to see them together, able to be themselves even if there might be a pushback against it.

Starrk has made his choice, and Grimmjow is actually really proud of him for it.

It’s late by the time they say their goodbyes and head out for the night, the five of them milling around outside of the venue in an awkward silence that tells Grimmjow they’re all probably thinking around the same thing. He doesn’t want to say it, though. Something about verbalizing it seems wrong, like speaking the words into existence is going to cause a rift between them that he might not be able to patch back up.

“Okay,” Bazz says, tucking his hands behind his head, staring up at the night sky above them. “Do we… Tonight was okay, right? We all kinda got along for the most part.”

“We did get along,” Ulquiorra agrees. “Do we just go back to our respective places now?”

Sosuke clears his throat. “Well, we could. It’s been a nice night, there wouldn’t be any harm in not pushing it. Or we could… Pick a place and go back there together.”

It really does seem like bad luck just saying it out loud like that, Grimmjow thinks.

Byakuya rests his chin on Sosuke’s shoulder. “It’s up to the four of you. I have no preference one way or another. But if you choose to come back to our house, you know the bed is big enough for five people. Well, you two know. Bazz doesn’t quite know yet.”

“It was pretty roomy the last time I was there,” Bazz says, and Grimmjow swings his head around toward him, eyebrows shooting up toward his hairline. “What? By the time we all finished talking shit out and eating dinner together, it was late and I didn’t wanna head home alone. So I just stayed over. It wasn’t… It was pretty nice, actually.”

Ulquiorra sighs and closes his eyes. “What exactly are we  _ doing _ right now?”

“Maybe it’s not such a bad idea to not question it yet,” Byakuya offers, and Grimmjow hums softly. “We don’t have to do anything except maybe share a bed for the night.”

Grimmjow squeezes Ulquiorra around the shoulders. “I don’t mind that. We’re gonna have to get used to being in a group anyway even if it’s not… Even if we’re  _ not, _ you know? We’re going to Germany together, so we’re going to be seeing a whole lot of each other.”

“Okay. All right. Whose place is closer?” Ulquiorra asks, and Grimmjow smiles into his hair.

Byakuya’s phone chimes while they discuss sleeping plans and he steps a few meters away to answer it, though Grimmjow can make out the tight set of his shoulders and the way his head jerks in annoyed little shakes the longer he speaks. When he returns to their group, the lines of his mouth are tight and there’s a slight narrow to his eyes that tells Grimmjow something very bad must have just happened. Sosuke beats him to the punch.

“What’s wrong, darling?” he asks, taking Byakuya’s hand gently in his own.

“That was a phone call from the police station,” Byakuya says, and Sosuke’s eyes widen up at him while Grimmjow feels something low in his gut drop at the words. “I don’t need to tell you who was calling or why. It’s the same as it was last time.”

Sosuke shakes his head. “I can’t believe this. I thought you’d settled it last time.”

“I thought we had, too. I guess not.” Byakuya catches Sosuke’s chin in one hand, urging Sosuke to look at him. “You may not like this, but I’m going to let it go for now. It won’t kill him to sit there for one night and think about the choice he chose to make.”

“All right.” Sosuke sighs but turns his head, nuzzling into Byakuya’s palm. “I don’t think that’s the wrong thing to do considering this is the second time it’s happened.”

Grimmjow raises an eyebrow at the couple. “Something going on?”

“Nothing that’s going to effect the five of us right now. I’d tell you more, but it’s very much a privacy issue at that point.” Byakuya winds his arm around Sosuke’s shoulders, pulling him up against his chest, fingers soothing through his soft, long hair. “So, our place? You all know the way, but we can leave in a line if we make an attempt to.”

“Sure,” Ulquiorra agrees. “We’ll meet you there. It’s been a while since I’ve been to your house anyway. And your bed really is nice.”

Grimmjow doesn’t have to ask; he’s pretty sure he knows who the phone call was from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two more chapters to go!


	35. standing your ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** there is... a fight of sorts
> 
>  **sexual content:** none

The house is uncharacteristically full when Renji finally drags himself home the next afternoon, his hair a rumpled mess and dark circles underneath his eyes.

Sosuke tells himself not to worry about it. It’s a constant struggle. The first time Renji had been stupid enough to get into a drunken fight in a parking lot, security called the police and they picked him up before any serious damage could be done. Byakuya was furious about it. Though Sosuke closed himself up in their upstairs office to let Byakuya handle it as he saw fit, he knew more or less what the thought process was leading into the severe tongue lashing Renji received for doing something so risky and so stupid.

Orihime drops Rukia off in the morning as promised and Sosuke pays her extra for being willing to take her, though Orihime initially tries to hand the money back. “I feel like you’re paying me way too much,” she says, looking slightly terrified by the amount of bills he passes her. “I love having Rukia over. I don’t want you to think it’s just about the money.”

“I know it’s not. Rukia loves spending time with you, too.” Sosuke takes her hand and presses the bills down into her palm. “You do an excellent job with her. This is just our way of showing our appreciation. Besides, you deserve it. You’re doing wonderfully.”

“Oh. Well, then, thank you.” Orihime slips the money into her wallet and then beams up at him. “I’ll miss her when she’s abroad with all of you, but I’ll be looking forward to when she comes back. I already promised her I was going to have a surprise ready for her.”

“I’m sure she’ll be looking forward to that. Thank you, again.” Sosuke pats her hand gently. “You’ve been a great help to us in more ways than you can realize.”

At this, Orihime’s smile softens slightly. “My brother took care of me when I was little,” she confesses, “because our parents were… Not the best. I understand that sometimes home life can be a little stressful, or that things come up and you don’t want her around to get caught in the crossfire. So any time you need me to watch her, I’m happy to.”

“You’re an angel. Thank you again.” Sosuke doesn’t know how they’d get by without her.

Rukia smothers a yawn against her small hand as Sosuke helps her out of her shoes and her jacket and backpack, then stretches her hands up toward him for him to hold her. “I’m happy you’re home!” She tells him this pointedly, with a smile that makes his heart ache. “I missed you but I’m glad you got to go see your friends again. They were so nice.”

Sosuke had to ask Byakuya what he’d told Rukia specifically while Sosuke was away, and it had been a short and sweet white lie. Not even a lie, really. He  _ was _ with friends. “Well, I’ve got a little surprise for you, angel. They’re here for breakfast this morning.”

Instantly, Rukia forgets about him picking her up and dashes toward the kitchen. “Where!”

Retrieving Kon from her bag, Sosuke trails after her toward the kitchen where everyone is squabbling around the kitchen making pancakes, bacon, and eggs for breakfast. Byakuya turns at the sound of Rukia’s voice and has his arms open for her, but she rushes right past him to grab Ulquiorra’s belt, pulling at it to get his attention.  _ Oh, that’s interesting. _

“Well,” Byakuya says, straightening up, “I think she’s picked a clear favorite.”

Sosuke realizes he hasn’t told Byakuya about them meeting prior to this. “When I left the house for the extended stay away, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra had a chance to meet her.”

Byakuya is quiet for a moment, though his face softens when Ulquiorra turns and kneels down to pick Rukia up himself. “Well, that’s good, then. They’re already getting along.”

“You’re not upset?” Sosuke takes his hand and squeezes it. “I thought you might’ve been.”

“No. I’d rather them all get along ahead of time rather than try to make things work in a different country. And besides, she’s happy to see them.” Rukia, as if she heard him, squeals with delight when Grimmjow sidles up to tickle her. “Besides, I took her to see my grandfather without asking you. I can hardly get upset about something so minor.”

Sosuke frowns at him. “You do realize that’s not how this works, don’t you?”

“It’s my way of trying to tell you I’m not upset at all. Taken aback, perhaps, but you have good men in your life. I’m happy she does, too.” Byakuya takes his hand and kisses it, and Sosuke tries to ignore the little flutter of warmth in his belly at such a simple thing. “I only took her to see him without you here because I know you hate the bastard, and this way he’ll leave us alone except at holidays. I just wanted to be proactive about it.”

_ You were thinking of me when you did it? _ “Well, I’m glad I didn’t have to go. In the future, we can sit down and talk about these things more in detail. But… Thank you, darling.”

“Of course, my love.” Byakuya catches him around the waist and kisses him properly, and Sosuke lets himself lean into it. Right now, at least, things feel pretty much perfect.

“Oh, they’re  _ kissing, _ ” Bazz half-yells, and Sosuke feels his cheeks bloom warmer when Rukia howls laughter. “You watch, this is going to be the whole  _ flight _ —”

“We’re flying?” Rukia asks, and Sosuke turns to see her craning around in Ulquiorra’s arms to look at Bazz, relegated to only being allowed to mix ingredients under Ulquiorra’s strict supervision. “We get to go in a plane? That’s going to be so much fun!”

“We gotta go in a plane. It’s  _ so _ far away, but it’s the  _ coolest _ place ever,” Bazz tells her.

“Can Kon come?” Rukia asks him, and her expression is so serious it makes Sosuke’s heart melt in his chest. Without a word, he slips the lion plush into her waiting hands.

Bazz leans down, giving Kon’s mane a gentle brush with one of his fingers. “Absolutely. He’s gotta come. See, my new band needs a mascot. Maybe Kon can be our mascot, huh?”

“He’s such a natural with her,” Byakuya murmurs, and Sosuke glances at him, and he thinks he means Bazz until he realizes Byakuya is staring at Ulquiorra, who has shifted Rukia to one arm so she can keep chatting with Bazz while he flips the pancakes with his other hand. “I didn’t expect that, but I’m glad to see it. I wanted them to love her.”

Grimmjow inevitably steals Rukia away from Ulquiorra to get her to help him crack eggs, grossing her out by trying to get her to touch the raw bacon. Byakuya and Sosuke set the table, letting the other three man the food while they stand back and watch. Something about this feels so simple and domestic that it almost doesn’t feel like they’re preparing to go on a trip that’s likely going to change their lives forever.

“Come here.” Byakuya holds a hand out to him and Sosuke takes it, allowing himself to be drawn over to the table. Sat in the same seat where he was crying the night Bazz found him. “I wanted to take a moment and say something to you, just for you.”

Sosuke raises an eyebrow at him but smiles and nods once. “Very well. What is it?”

“I know I’ve made so many mistakes, and I am very thrilled that you’re allowing me a chance to make things right for you. But I want to tell you something.” Byakuya takes both of Sosuke’s hands in his, squeezing them gently. “I know you don’t always think much of yourself, and I’ve not been doing a good enough job of reassuring you. But I want you to know that I look at you, and you’re perfect to me. You’re smart and considerate and kind, and no one could ever mean as much to me as you do. I love you, Sosuke.”

The words make Sosuke’s chest flutter and he blinks rapidly to stop the sting of tears in the backs of his eyes, not wanting to cry right now. Not over something like this. “Thank you, Byakuya. It means a lot to hear you say this. I really want to work hard on our marriage so we can fix our problems. I love you. I  _ want _ to stay with you.”

“Then I’ll give you so many reasons to stay.” Byakuya kisses both of his hands, and Sosuke hiccups softly and nods. Maybe things between them are going to be okay after all.

Byakuya kisses him and Sosuke leans into it, letting himself soak in the warmth and the affection, taking in the background of bickering at the stove and the counter. It feels so  _ right, _ so complete. It feels more like the life he wanted for himself than anything else ever has, and that makes his heart flutter with renewed hope. They  _ can _ do this.

Then the front door opens and shuts, the sound echoing through the entire house.

“Ah,” Byakuya murmurs against his lips, the expression on his face stating he would have liked to remain in the moment for a while longer, “I suppose Renji must finally be home.”

The decision to let him stay the night in jail and leave the next morning was a simple one, and Sosuke did not argue the choice. The first time such a thing happened, Byakuya picked him up right away, but having done it again during such a time warranted a little less leniency. If Renji has issues, there are better and less dangerous ways to work through them than drinking, finding someone with a short fuse, and engaging them in a fight.

Sosuke, admittedly, doesn’t care much for violence. And though Byakuya never says much about it one way or another, there is always a look in his eyes when it comes up.

Renji appears in the kitchen doorway a moment later, and he looks… Terrible, to be polite. Hair tousled and tangled around his face instead of drawn back into the usual braid or ponytail, dark circles under his eyes, a nasty bruise on his cheekbone. Sosuke winces at the sight of him even as Byakuya stands up, and the set of his shoulders proves how unhappy he is to see this. Again, Sosuke knows he’d been stern the first time, but…

“Well,” Renji says after a moment, “looks like everyone’s having a good time this morning. Did you forget about me or did you decide to just leave me there, Bya?”

There’s a  _ snap _ in his voice that makes Sosuke wince, but Byakuya does not so much as flinch. “You have a lot of nerve talking to me like that after getting yourself in this situation a second time around. What did I tell you the last time?”

“That it  _ was _ the last time,” Renji says stiffly, and Sosuke flinches at the words.

He’d known about the fight, but what exactly had gone on between the two of them?

“And yet here we are again.” Byakuya waves a hand toward the stove where the other three are now watching; Rukia is tense, curled in against Ulquiorra’s chest, half-hiding behind his shoulder and Kon. “Let’s go talk somewhere else. They’re cooking.”

Renji’s eyes sweep over the scene before meeting Byakuya’s once more. “What the hell are they even doing here? What’s going on? We get into a fight, and then you don’t call—”

“It wasn’t my job to call you when you were the one who left. I gave you space just like you asked me to do. Just like I did for Sosuke.” Byakuya’s voice is curt, sharp, but there’s something almost… Regretful in it?  _ He doesn’t want to be having this argument right now or at all.  _ “They’re here because we were out together last night. That’s all.”

Grimmjow looks between the two of them before clearing his throat and raising a hand in greeting. “Hey, Ren, rough night? You look like you’ve been through hell and—”

“Shut up, man, I don’t wanna hear it.” Renji runs a hand through his hair, wrecking it further. “Y’know, I felt kinda bad about it at first. The whole letting you guys walk away thing. I even talked to Ulquiorra about it because I felt like I just needed to get it off my chest that I was sorry. Or that we coulda tried harder, but fuck, here you are. Just like that. After all the shit you two have been saying, you just get to—”

“Renji.” The hard, cold edge of Byakuya’s voice makes Sosuke shiver. “They are guests in our house and you do not get to speak to them like that. You know very well the situation is more complicated than that. Don’t act childish because you made a mistake.”

Renji snorts at him. “I’m the one who made the mistake, huh? What about  _ you? _ ”

“Byakuya has already apologized for what he’s said.” The words come from Bazz and Sosuke feels something soft and small unfurl in his chest; Bazz is standing up for  _ Byakuya?  _ “It ain’t perfect yet but it’s better than nothing. You should just take the L, apologize, and move on with your life before you go and say something you’re gonna regret.”

“I don’t wanna hear shit from you, man. You had them both stressed out for months because of the way you were acting. You think you have room to talk?” The volume of Renji’s voice jumps several octaves; Rukia whimpers softly in response.

Sosuke is on his feet then, crossing the room to where she huddles in Ulquiorra’s arms, pressing his hand to her small back. “It’s all right, darling. You don’t have to be afraid.”

“Why is Ren-chan yelling?” she asks softly, her violet eyes wide and wet. “It’s scary.”

“Do you want me to take her upstairs or something?” Ulquiorra asks, resting his chin on top of her head, almost shielding her with his body. “While these two talk?”

Grimmjow shifts closer to them, wrapping an arm around Ulquiorra’s waist. “Hey, Rukia, baby girl, why don’t we go sit outside while they talk, huh? Quiorra can get his sketchbook and draw whatever you want while we’re out there. He can make Kon a superhero again.”

The words have Rukia brightening instantly, craning back to look at Ulquiorra. “Really?”

“Yes, absolutely. One day, we’ll make him a little superhero costume.” Ulquiorra passes Rukia to Grimmjow. “Take her on out and I’ll get my bag and be out in a second.”

The effortlessness of the choice takes Sosuke by surprise.  _ They are so good with her. _

“So-chan!” Rukia reaches for him before Grimmjow can quite make it to the door and he looks back at Byakuya, who only nods once.  _ Go outside. _ “Come with us, please!”

He wonders if the yelling has made her think he might leave again. The thought hurts.  _ I’m never leaving you again, my dear. _ “Of course, sweetheart. Darling, let me know if you need me to help with anything, okay? Bazz, don’t let the food get cold.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Bazz reassures him with a small smile, kissing his temple.

Rukia beams at him the moment he walks up next to her, insistently pushing Kon into his hands as they step out into the warm morning sun. Grimmjow sits down in a chair with her on his lap and Sosuke sits next to him, tilting his face toward the light, enjoying the cool breeze. Ulquiorra joins them a moment later, shutting the door behind him, but Sosuke still catches a raise of voices before it seals shut. Ulquiorra’s face is apologetic.

“Sorry for taking so long,” he says, taking a seat on the grass and pulling a sketchbook out of his bag. “What do you want me to use today, Rukia? I have charcoals, pastels, gelattos, and watercolors with me. And we can work more on your superhero idea.”

Immediately, Rukia squirms out of Grimmjow’s lap, retrieves Kon, and comes to sit with Ulquiorra on the grass, sidled up next to him and chattering away about his art supplies and what she wants to see. It’s incredible to Sosuke to watch the two of them together, Ulquiorra patiently speaking to her, answering her questions and asking appropriate ones as he sketches out a design of Kon on the paper in front of him. So many smaller drawings, too, little thumbnails in different positions that he shows to Rukia.

“I never thought he’d be so good with her,” Sosuke admits softly.

Grimmjow stretches out a hand, laces their fingers together. “It’s the therapy,” he says, and Sosuke just blinks at him, not sure what to say. “I think it’s a hell of a lot easier on him to have some perspective and time and distance. And we’re all trying now.”

Sosuke squeezes Grimmjow’s hand gently. “Well, at any rate, she absolutely adores him.”

Ulquiorra opens his sketchbook across his lap, drawing a much larger image from his collection of thumbnails before moving on to the portable watercolor kit he seems to take with him everywhere, one that comes with a water brush and a small portable container of extra water. While he works, Rukia excitedly tells him about an adventure she’s invented for Kon to go on, Ulquiorra exclaiming softly as he lays down layers of paint. They make a creative team, almost enough of one to distract Sosuke from the occasional raise of voices he can hear inside. Renji and Byakuya were obviously going at it, and he wonders just how bad the last fight must have been for it to lead to something as awful as this one.

Grimmjow squeezes his hand again. “You know you can’t do anything about that, right?”

“I still feel like I shouldn’t just let them stand there and scream at each other. It isn’t productive even if that’s what they want to do.” Sosuke shakes his head. Yelling never solves anything, and he knows that better than anyone else. All those screaming matches with his parents in the kitchen or the living room never made him less of who he was. It never mended fences between them, either. If anything, it only tore them down.

“And sometimes the yelling has to get out one way or another.” Grimmjow looks back at the door, and even he looks conflicted. “I’m not trying to shade your man, but fighting is pretty damn serious. Throwing punches at people is dangerous. And he got arrested.”

Sosuke nods. He remembers the first time Byakuya left the house to pick up Renji from the police station for getting into a drunken fight in a parking lot. Though he missed the argument, the short version of it was that Renji begged for a second chance and swore never to do it again, and there was nothing that suggested he was going to.

Until now. Until he and Byakuya apparently had a fight serious enough to make Byakuya realize his mistakes. Until apparently a silence had grown between the two of them.

It always has to be something, Sosuke thinks. They just can’t live in peace.

Rukia leaves Ulquiorra to his drawing and climbs up into Sosuke’s lap, making herself comfortable with Kon in her arms. “So-chan looks so sad. What’s wrong?”

“Ah, no, my love, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” Sosuke wraps his arms around her, hugging her to his chest and wondering if there’s anything in this world he can keep her safe from. What had she been through, living with Hisana? “But I’m always much happier when I get to spend time with you. I missed you so much while I was gone.”

Wide violet eyes meet him before Rukia beams up at him, all smiles, all warmth. “I missed you too! But now you’re home. And we get to go on vacation as a family!”

_ A family. _ The words make Sosuke crush her to his chest, his face pressed down against the top of her head, but Rukia doesn’t complain to him about it. Instead, she just wriggles her arms free and wraps them around his neck, hugging him back with Kon between them. All of this has kept him away from his daughter, the last thing he wanted to happen. He feels so bad for staying away from her for so long and swears to himself he’s going to make this up to her during their vacation. He’ll spend so much time with her, and he’s going to make sure all of their relationships stay happy and positive for her sake.

Ulquiorra’s voice is soft and sweet. “You two make quite a pair. I should draw you soon.”

“You think so?” Sosuke rests his cheek on top of Rukia’s head so he can look at Ulquiorra. “I’d let you. We could frame it and put it up on the wall. Maybe draw all three of us.”

Grimmjow hums softly. “She looks like she could be your daughter honestly. Byakuya’s got the same black hair and sometimes his eyes look purple in the right light.”

“I didn’t realize you’d noticed that,” Sosuke teases him. “Since when did you?”

In answer, Grimmjow laughs and drops his head, then leans back in his chair, folding his hands over his stomach. “I used to notice a lot of things about Byakuya.”

The sound of raised voices increases and Sosuke finds himself wrapping his body tighter around Rukia in answer just before the back door opens, Renji and Byakuya spilling into the backyard with Bazz not far behind them. Ulquiorra is on his feet instantly and Grimmjow doesn’t even speak; he’s on his feet, putting himself between the trio, putting Sosuke and Ulquiorra behind him. Rukia whimpers and cuddles tighter against his chest, and Sosuke curls around her as securely as he can to let her know she’s safe.

Renji is the one whose voice has gone up in volume. “It’s not fucking fair! We had  _ one _ fucking issue and it wasn’t even an issue anymore. You can’t act like it was just—”

“No,  _ you _ can’t act like it was  _ one fucking issue, _ Renji.” Byakuya’s voice is low, is hard, is colder than Sosuke has ever heard it. What the hell have they been talking about inside? “It was a severe issue. That kind of violence is something I refuse to tolerate.”

“It was just two stupid fights!” Renji’s voice jumps in volume again and Sosuke winces at the sound of it. It makes him think of his father, how he’d raise his voice.  _ We didn’t raise you to act like this, goddamn it! _ “I didn’t lie to you, I didn’t keep secrets from you, I didn’t fucking break up with you and then go behind your back and date someone from the ba—”

Byakuya cuts him off, but Sosuke can see the way Ulquiorra flinches visibly at the words, his eyes wide. “You do  _ not _ have permission to throw anyone else under the bus.”

Sosuke reaches for Ulquiorra’s hand and tangles their fingers together, pulling him down to sit on the arm of the chair. A silent reassurance; Ulquiorra squeezes his hand back and then Rukia puts her smaller hand on his forearm as if she wants to comfort him, too.

“Since when does anyone need permission around here to mouth off and be a bastard?  _ You’ve _ pretty much got the market cornered on that alone.” Renji takes a step forward and Sosuke feels something like fear coil tight in his gut. “So you get to walk around acting like a high and mighty piece of shit like you’re better than everyone else, talking shit to Sosuke and about everyone else. You think you’re better than all the rest of—”

Bazz throws his arm out in front of Byakuya the second Renji takes another step forward. “One more step and I’m gonna bodily haul you out of this fucking house.”

“Bazz,” Byakuya says, and his voice is… Softer? Gentler? “You don’t need to get between the two of us. I wouldn’t consider it to be particularly safe for you to do so.”

Renji throws his hands up. “So now you’re trying to call me violent! Over two fights!”

“The police had to separate you both times. I have absolutely no desire to find out that you might throw punches at someone in the house when you get drunk.” Byakuya rests a hand on top of Bazz’s arm, but Bazz refuses to drop it. “Bazz, you don’t have to—”

But Bazz just shakes his head. “No, I totally do. I don’t care how much of an asshole you are. You don’t deserve to get hit if he ends up deciding to throw a punch.”

“I’m so fucking sick of this.” Renji does, in fact, take another step forward, pointing a finger in Byakuya’s face. “So I’m the bad guy, right? ‘Cause these three can play nice for a morning? You don’t see me dumping your ass to go fuck one of your band members. You don’t see me hiding shit from you for literally  _ years _ and then bringing up all those issues—”

Bazz has better reflexes than Sosuke realized. He dodges out of the way the very second that Byakuya pulls his arm back. The force of the slap rockets Renji’s head to the side.

“You do not  _ ever _ speak ill of my husband because  _ your _ temper tantrum landed you in trouble.” Byakuya’s voice is like Sosuke has never heard it before. Ever since the two of them met, Byakuya has been almost perfectly poised and put together. Now, his voice trembles with emotion. It sounds like rage. “Yes, Sosuke and I are going through a rough patch, but that is  _ not _ something for you to exploit. You do not get to raise your voice to me because  _ you _ got your ass dragged off to jail. It’s happened once. You should have known better. If you thought it would happen again, you shouldn’t have drank that night.”

Renji’s hands rises slowly to his reddening cheek, and Sosuke realizes he’s never seen Byakuya  _ hit _ someone before. Not outside of a BDSM scene, not like this. “Byakuya, I’m—”

“No, you are  _ not _ sorry. You have made  _ multiple _ comments about Ulquiorra just in the last five minutes. You’re only sorry because I’m angry about it.” Byakuya gives his hand a small shake; Sosuke can see the fair flesh growing pink. It must have hurt them both. “What did I tell you when I first agreed to date you? What was the most ironclad rule I gave you?”

For a long moment, Renji says nothing. Then, he speaks on a sigh. “Sosuke’s your husband and that means he comes first. He comes before anyone and everyone else in your life.”

“Good. I’m glad you remember that rule. Now.” Byakuya runs a hand through his hair, straightens his entire body. “Get your things together and get the fuck out of my house.”

The weight of the statement rips a small gasp from Sosuke’s throat; Ulquiorra’s hand spasms in his, and he can see Grimmjow stiffen in front of them.

“What?” Renji’s eyes widen in shock. “Byakuya, wait, no, you know I can fix this—”

Byakuya barks laughter in his face, and Renji takes a step back. “I don’t want you to fix it. I told you to get out of my house. I don’t care where you go. My issues with Sosuke are not your permission to make light of him so you can make yourself look better. He is my husband. He was the man I chose out of all other men to tie myself too for the rest of our lives. And that will  _ never _ change. No one will ever mean more to me than he does.”

Sosuke stares at Byakuya’s back and slowly, oh so slowly, the world seems to fade away for just a moment so it’s just the two of them. His husband standing up for him, pushing away someone he loves for him. Someone that, once, Sosuke believed might actually be the one person who would be able to convince Byakuya to leave him behind if he wanted that. There was a good portion of the beginning of their relationship that Sosuke was helplessly insecure, and he can’t count how many nights he spent trying to assuage that with Shinji.

And now Byakuya is telling Renji to leave over something he said about Sosuke.

There’s no ignoring his racing heart pattering off of his ribs. Not right now. Not about this, not when Byakuya is standing so firm and tall in this decision he’s made.

“Fine. Fuck it.” Renji rubs the red handprint on his cheek and stalks toward the door. “I’m getting my shit and I’ll be gone by lunch. Enjoy your fucking breakfast.”

The silence that falls over the backyard is short-lived; Byakuya turns and pushes past Grimmjow, sitting on the edge of Sosuke’s chair, one hand soothing Rukia’s hair while the other moves to Sosuke’s cheek. “I’m so sorry,” he says, and he sounds it. He sounds just as mournful as he had when Sosuke came to talk to him about Germany. “He said such awful things. I didn’t realize he’d started thinking like this. I’m sorry, Sosuke.”

Sosuke shakes his head, placing his hand over Byakuya’s. “It’s fine. I’m just… You chose me over him. You told him to leave because of what he said about me.”

“Yes. Of course I did. You’re my husband.” Byakuya caresses his cheek, the pads of his fingers soft against Sosuke’s skin. “I know I’ve not been doing my best. And I’ve said… Awful things to you. But I meant it when I said I was going to make it up to you, and that means removing anyone from my life who’s going to treat you poorly.”

Sosuke leans forward and kisses him. It’s bittersweet; he wouldn’t have wanted it to end this way, not in any sense of the imagination. But Byakuya promised him that he would take care of him, protect him and shield him, and now he’s proving it. He’s making good on that promise and it gives Sosuke hope that the two of them can fix things. That the mistakes can be dealt with, and they can start again, be kinder and more considerate of each other.

Ulquiorra clears his throat. “Thank you for speaking up on my behalf, Byakuya.”

“You don’t need to thank me. Your name never should have been brought up in this.” Byakuya pats him on the hand Sosuke is still holding. “Rukia, darling, are you okay?”

Rukia looks up at him with wide, wide eyes. “Is it over? He’s not going to yell anymore?”

“I think I smacked the yelling out of him,” Byakuya promises her, and she giggles a little, though Sosuke notes how wide and fearful her eyes still are, kissing the top of her head. “No more yelling, baby girl, I promise you that. It’s not going to happen again.”

Bazz sighs and stretches his arms over his head. “Damn, that was tense. I really thought he was gonna take a swing at you there. I don’t think I ever thought of him as especially violent or anything, but even I’ve not been hauled off to jail for throwing punches.”

“I don’t know what his problems are, but they aren’t ones for my family to shoulder,” Byakuya says, and he does it so firmly that Sosuke feels a burst of pride for him. “I want to thank you, Bazz, for shielding me the way you did. You didn’t have to do that.”

To that, Bazz just laughs. “Hey, you didn’t even need it. That was a hell of a swing.”

“And Grimmjow, I want to thank you. You put yourself between what you thought of as danger and my husband and daughter, and that’s invaluable to me.” Byakuya leans back, looks at all of them. “You three are good and wonderful men, and my cynicism isn’t deserved. Thank you for taking care of my Sosuke. And I hope, when we go on this trip, that the four of us can get to know each other properly and to get along.”

Bazz rolls his eyes. “Like you could get to know me better. Jeez, so formal, too. We’ll figure it out, one way or another. Now, let’s go in and eat.”

Sosuke carries Rukia back into the house, feeling like this may be the start of something fresh and tentative and new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter to go! and we hit 200k... holy shit


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** none
> 
> **sexual content:** none

“When did you make the decision?” Bazz asks, his eyes fixed on the screen of his phone, trying to ignore the sheer amount of emojis Cang Du has sent him in his excitement for Bazz to come back home. “Like, I could tell you’d already made it when he showed up.”

Byakuya sighs next to him, fidgeting with the sleeves of the light jacket he threw over his t-shirt; Germany can be chilly as summer settles in. “As soon as I got the phone call.”

The airport is as busy as can be expected on an early Saturday morning, but it was the first flight available when Bazz booked the tickets. Getting back in to book two additional tickets was easy enough when he flexed his celebrity status, and it helps that first class is expensive enough that not many people can shell out the money to afford it outside of rich people and business executives. Everything worked out in the end, at least, and though it was hardly his first choice of how events should occur, he’s fine with this.

He has to be fine with it for Sosuke, of course, but part of him doesn’t really want to separate their family for an extended period of time. Another part of him wants Byakuya to actually get his shit together and be the man he used to be when he was decent to work with and when the sound of his voice made Sosuke smile instead of cringe away.

The two of them are sat alone on this particular bench waiting for the others to return. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra had taken off to piss before take-off, and Sosuke took Rukia despite her insistence she did not need to go because it was better safe than sorry and it was just easier for her to be settled and comfortable during take-off. Sitting alone with Byakuya should feel like torture but Bazz feels oddly at peace just sitting next to him, his eyes on his phone and trying to keep up with Cang Du’s spastic typing.

_ How the fuck does As put up with him enough to want to have sex with him regularly? _

“It isn’t as though I wanted things to end with Renji. I loved him. A part of me still does. But he can’t… That level of immaturity is so dangerous, and I don’t want that around my daughter. It isn’t safe for her,” Byakuya continues, taking the silence and deciding to fill it, though Bazz doesn’t think he needs to justify it to himself or anyone else.

Leaving someone is a personal choice, and you can just leave. He doesn’t have to have a reason, and besides that, he has a plethora of them. He has a husband and a daughter, and whether Renji meant it or not, he’d gotten into two arrest-worthy fights. It meant more because there was a family in the same house as him. A  _ child _ in the same house.

Even if Renji never would have hit her— Bazz really doesn’t think he would make that choice— he wouldn’t have started the other fights if he hadn’t been drinking. There was no telling what might happen if he chose to get drunk in the house and got pissed.

Bazz heaves a soft sigh. “You don’t have to justify it. I get why you made the choice.”

“It was also the right choice to make. Even without the arrest, what he said about Sosuke…” Byakuya trails off, and Bazz’s eyes slide a centimeter to the side to see Byakuya’s hands curling into fights on his thighs.  _ Good for him.  _ “I shouldn’t have ever said anything like that myself. I can’t tolerate someone else saying it.”

“That’s the right attitude to have. Honestly, I didn’t expect him to say it.” Bazz shrugs. He thought Renji was a cool dude. Their short touring session together went fine.

Byakuya is quiet for a moment, head bowed. “I think it made him angry that we were all at the house without him, and I left him there instead of coming to pick him up. But it wasn’t my place to. I have  _ one _ child. I am not going to take care of someone else acting like one.”

“Again, right attitude. I don’t think it’s your job to watch after him like that.” Bazz tells Cang Du to slow down, and of course, he’s flippantly ignored. “I’m just happy you stood up for Sosuke. That was what you’re supposed to do. But I was totally thrown when you stood up for Ulquiorra. I thought you were pretty pissed at him. At all of us, honestly.”

“No.” Byakuya releases a breath and his entire body sags with it. “No, I’m not angry. I was jealous. I spent so long telling myself that Sosuke was fragile and delicate and his heart needed to be guarded, and I still believe that last part. He loves so much and so hard that it breaks him when he’s hurt. I just didn’t want to see that happen again. But I didn’t go about explaining my fears the right way. I tried to manipulate and control him.”

Though Bazz has kept his promise to stay out of their marriage as long as Byakuya is on his best behavior, he knows that Byakuya and Sosuke went to go see their counselor for a couple of sessions before making it long distance. To outline their issues and set up parameters in which to speak. It sounds like it’s already working, that Byakuya is getting to at least the heart of the  _ why, _ which means he can work on fixing it from the source. In Bazz’s experience, you attack a problem with pragmatism even if it’s rough to do so.

Beating around the bush is a goddamn waste of time. He’s learned that lesson well.

Byakuya’s eyes are on him; Bazz can feel them. “I want to be a better husband for him. When I first saw him, I thought to myself that I wanted to help him because he looked so hurt and lost and scared. I think I never really shook that impression of him.”

“I think you can be, but like I said, you slip up and I kick your ass.” Bazz’s voice comes out moderately joking at least, which is good because he kind of means every word.

When Byakuya laughs, the sound is jarring and Bazz realizes it’s been a hell of a long time since he said anything that had Byakuya genuinely chuckling rather than just eye-rolling. “I’ll let you, honestly. Thank you for keeping me to my word. It’s reassuring.”

“My only other condition is that you gotta be nice to Cang Du and As Nodt ‘cause those are my bros, and I don’t tolerate anyone being mean to them.” People who were mean to Cang Du were just like, kicking puppies at that point. “But I think you’ll get along with them. Everyone else does. Oh shit, I should check to see if Yumichika’s flight was fine.”

Instead of taking the same flight as the rest of them, Yumichika took an earlier flight in the interest of not wanting to be involved with the relationship and family drama, which Bazz can appreciate. He only needs to glance at Instagram in order to see Yumichika taking a point of view shot from his new bed in the villa he’d rented to use during the stay. Money was no object to them; Nozarashi paid well and Yumichika had been their reigning vocalist during their most successful time, so they were definitely set.

Bazz leaves him a comment before Cang Du starts pinging him through Line much more. “I swear to God, he’s like a fucking child. How can one person be this excited?”

“He probably missed you,” Byakuya says, and Bazz hums softly. Yeah, that’s the truth.

“You swore.” The small voice has Bazz lifting his head to see Rukia perched happily on Sosuke’s hip, Kon under one arm. She’d been showing him all around the airport as much as she could and apparently that warranted taking him to the bathroom with her.

Grinning, Bazz lifts his hands. “Guilty as charged. You excited about going to fly?”

“Yes!” Rukia squirms down and climbs into his lap without preamble, something she’s gotten into the habit of over the last few weeks. “I’ve never gotten to fly before, but I bet it’s so much fun. And planes are so big. Are you used to riding on planes, Bazz?”

“Absolutely. Had to fly all over the place to play music all over the word,” he says.

Sosuke takes his seat between Bazz and Byakuya, making a small contented sigh of a sound when Byakuya slips an arm around his waist and kisses the side of his neck. “Ah, I see I was missed terribly in my short absence. Have the two of you been playing nicely?”

“We have been,” Bazz confirms, letting Rukia get comfortable while he glances back down at his phone. “Does he seriously like, not have anything else to do? Where is As? As needs to be taking away his phone because I’m seriously about to lose my mind.”

“I’m glad. And he’s probably just happy you’re finally coming back home to start a band with him considering the first one didn’t pan out so well,” Sosuke says softly.

Bazz sighs softly. “Like, I  _ know, _ but I feel like he’s showing me a disproportionate amount of attention for a man who lives with his boyfriend. He should be talking to him instead.”

Sosuke giggles at him and the sound makes Bazz’s stomach do a happy flip, his own lips lifting into a stupid and childish smile in answer. There’s been so many smiles on Sosuke’s part lately that Bazz finally feels like they may be making collective progress on sorting everything out. He knows a large part of it is that the counseling is helping, and that whatever homework they’ve been given is something Byakuya has been taking seriously. He’d gone downstairs one night to get a drink and found them just sitting at the kitchen table, holding hands across the top of it and speaking softly to one another.

Something about reaffirming bonds with one another. He doesn’t know the details, but seeing Sosuke with that sweet smile on his face improved his entire fucking night. And the fact Byakuya just let him  _ stay _ over at the house for a few days before the flight was pretty great. There wasn’t even any drama about sharing the big bed together.

Maybe they could all learn to be friends. Maybe they could have that kind of life.

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra return to them not long after, Grimmjow stifling a yawn against the palm of his hand. “Man, I don’t get how I can be sleeping enough every single day since this vacation of mine started and still not feel like I’ve slept at all.”

“You never catch up on your sleep debt,” Byakuya reminds him, and Grimmjow groans as he sinks down onto the bench. “So you’ll just have to deal with what little sleep you get now.”

Ulquiorra makes a face at that, slinging his feet up into Grimmjow’s lap. “That’s awful.”

“You should have a bedtime, Grimm,” Rukia says, and Grimmjow flashes her an immediate smile, giving her hair a gentle ruffle. “That way you actually sleep enough every night!”

“You’re absolutely right, Rukia, but he stays up all night playing video games and taking selfies of his muscles in the mirror,” Ulquiorra says, and Grimmjow squawks in outrage.

Bazz frowns down at the message on his screen, his attention now fixed on it.  _ You gonna mind if Jugo comes around every now and then to listen in? He doesn’t want any part of the band but he does want to hang out. Think he misses not being in on it. _

Of course he does; Sternritter was Bazz’s brain child with Haschwalth. The two of them dreamed of the fame and the limelight together. It was supposed to be the two of them taking on the world and proving they knew music as well as they thought they did. Somehow, though, reading it in this context makes his stomach feel funny. But he knew, didn’t he? Going back home means facing those demons down, handling his shit, and moving on with his life. He can’t spend the rest of it with Jugram over his shoulder.

Besides, they both deserve to be happy. They both deserve to have a real future.

Sosuke’s hand curls around his wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You don’t have to answer that message right now if you don’t want to. You can wait and answer it later.”

“Yeah, I think I will.” Bazz tells Cang Du that boarding is soon and they have to pack up and get ready, but he’ll catch up with him later instead. “I kinda took for granted that it was gonna happen, you know? I really thought I could just… Not have to deal with that drama.”

“I know.” Sosuke’s expression is kind, and it makes Bazz’s heart flutter softly in his chest. After everything had settled down, he’d told… All of them, really, minus Byakuya, the whole truth. At least where Haschwalth is concerned, and Sosuke’s gentleness is his greatest weakness it seems. “But you’ve got us here with you. It’s going to be okay.”

Bazz leans in to kiss him, not giving a damn who sees. They’ve been fairly affectionate ever since walking in, and though some people had given them a wide berth, Bazz was just glad for the space given how crowded the airport is. Besides, he wants to live his life in the way that will make him the most happy no matter what, and he knows this is it. This is what he needs to be happy, and he’s just lucky he found it when he did. Some people never did.

And Haschwalth did, too, whether Bazz likes to admit it or not. He found the man meant for him, and even though the situation sucked, Bazz just wants to deal with it and move on.

He wants to have a happy life with the men he has in it right now. And, like, Byakuya as a general acquaintance he doesn’t hate spending occasional time around.

“It really is going to be okay.” Bazz tilts his hand so he can grasp Sosuke’s, kissing his fingers, lips brushing gently over his knuckles. “And it was worth it, because I got to meet you, and through you I got to meet Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, too.”

Rukia giggles and hides her face behind her hands. “It’s so  _ mushy, _ Bazz.”

“I can’t  _ help _ it. I love So-chan so much.” Bazz kisses her on the top of the head and she squeaks and tries to cover her head with her small hands, laughing at him all the while.

When the time to board comes, they have to get their things together and get each other together, and Ulquiorra manages to politely ask a young woman if she would take their picture on his phone because he wants it as a keepsake. Rukia gives the camera her biggest smile and holds Kon up beside her face to show he’s smiling, too. Bazz’s heart can’t melt much more before just becoming a fucking  _ liquid _ dripping over his ribs. She’s so cute.

First class is the only way Bazz prefers to fly now that he can afford it and he relaxes as soon as his body settles into the seat, his head resting against the back of it. Sosuke sits next to him so that Byakuya can sit with Rukia, intent on keeping an eye on her, and of course Grimmjow and Ulquiorra sit together as well. It’s comfortable here, and Bazz can’t resist taking Sosuke’s hand in his and holding it gently, lacing their fingers together. He wanted this for so long that it feels unreal that he has it now.

Part of him is almost sad he has no parents to take Sosuke home to. Not parents that would, like,  _ appreciate _ the perfect man sitting next to him. It’s a little depressing.

“I love you,” Sosuke tells him, and his expression is soft, almost dreamy. “I really do. I just want you to know that, and that I’m really looking forward to spending time with you.”

“I love you, too. And I can’t wait to show you my home.” Bazz leans over and kisses  _ him, _ and Sosuke leans into him, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck.

They have to keep it tame considering where they are, which is a pity, but Bazz can be patient and it’ll be worth it considering they’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other in Germany.  _ All _ of them will have plenty of time to spend with one another, and Bazz is going to make the absolute most of it. He wants to show all of them his home. He wants to show Ulquiorra around the most beautiful places with the best lighting. He wants to go restaurant hopping with Grimmjow. He wants to take Rukia  _ everywhere _ that a child would find fun. And he wants to make sure all of them bond in the process.

He wants things to be good between them. He wants things to be  _ perfect _ if they can manage, and he thinks that if they work hard enough, they can pull it all off.

Grimmjow catches his eye across the aisle and winks at him, and Bazz just flips him off and laughs when Grimmjow makes a mock-offended face at him before laughing, too. The air feels light and warm but sturdy as hell. Together, they can make this happen.

There’s nothing holding them back right now, and Bazz sure as hell isn’t going to let his checkered past be the obstacle that stands in their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so we've reached the end of part two! part three will be coming soon!
> 
> it's been a wild ride honestly but this story is really getting to a place where i'm completely happy with it. it threw me so many curveballs but i'm so happy that i finished it. i wouldn't have been able to do that without all of my readers and commentors but most especially Beebo85 whose insight was always a delight to read. thank you all so much for the support. it's been so gratifying getting to write this and putting it out there in the world.
> 
> xoxo
> 
> dylan


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